An Awkward Subject

[the_town_mouse]

To any of the improbable people who were concerned about me because of my extended hiatus from writing in my journal: don't worry, I'm as healthy and prosperous as ever. Worried that getting sucked into writing my usual magna opera here would consume time better spent on more productive tasks, I avoided starting any entries, which eventually led to

Comments

[dronon]

Those are hard questions to answer, but you shouldn't judge yourself according to whatever grief your other family members might expect of you. That's just not being fair to yourself. In my case, most of my grandparents passed on when I was very young so I hadn't built up a deep mature connection. When my remaining grandfather passed away, he'd been in a slow decline for years and it was a relief. I remembered him for the good times before things started going downhill. In any case, my sympathies to you and your family in this time of loss. :(

[eddiddiums]

Hey! Glad to hear you are alive and doing well for the most part. I am sorry to hear of your grandfater though. The loss of a family member is never easy. *hugs*

By the way... When are you gonna get back on AIM?

[prplhaze]

It is good to hear that you are ok hon..

I am sorry about your grandfather.. my paternal grandmother was also afflicted with pancreatic cancer. I hope you can get the other issues resolved hon.. however not shedding a tear does not mean you never cared..

*hugs*

prplhaze

Emotion and social expectations.

[cjthomas]

As a fellow member of the "heartless bastards" club, I can tell you that the most important thing is to stay quiet and respectful. When the more attached people are gushing about the deceased, they're mainly working through their own feelings - the only responses needed are short expressions of sympathy, and sometimes lead-on responses ("can you tell me more about what he was like at [younger age]/[during happier time]?", "I can see he made a big difference in your life") that keep the mourner talking

Re: Emotion and social expectations.

[cjthomas]

Before anyone tries to LART me for Not Understanding, my maternal grandfather died when I was more than old enough to have it matter, and I've been at two funerals for acquaintances' close family in the last decade.

I regretted that I hadn't gotten to know my grandfather better (was always a bit intimidated by him), as he was a nice enough person that he deserved more return interaction than I gave, but it's my mother who was struck by crippling grief - not me.

-Deuce

[l337_0n1]

*hugs* Just remember, everyone reacts to death differently. When my paternal Grandfather died, it hit me very hard. I was crying so much, I was sent to talk to a counselor at my High School. Five years later when my paternal Grandmother died, I felt absolutely nothing at all.

Whatever your personal feelings, and reaction, just be respectful of other people's feelings, and listen to them when they need to greive. Its the best thing you can do.