(Untitled)

[makemaps]

I still think about it.

Don't get me wrong: 3 North helped. 3 North helped in ways that had nothing to do with drugs and everything to know that I wasn't the only one whose brain was broken, the only who didn't know how to cope with really basic things like putting their shoes on or answering emails.

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[a_swan_diver]

It was the bike that caught Bella's attention. She was getting a little better at walking in the stupid boots and heels so walking around wasn't quite the catastrophe it could have been. The idea of trying to get onto a bike with the miles of fabric she was carting around was almost laughable.

She was a few feet away from the bike when she saw someone on the span with arms out. Someone very familiar.

When they'd first met, he'd told her that he'd been hospitalized but the last time they'd been together he'd seemed fine, happy even. She also knew depression had a way of blindsiding you when you least expected it. And she'd spent her share of moments looking down at the water; and she'd actually jumped.

Instead of some mad dash to grab at him, she just stood her ground a few feet behind him and cleared her throat. "The down part's not so bad. It's the landing that sucks."

[makemaps]

I recognise her voice without looking around. I've...well, I've kind of been thinking about her a lot. I let my hands drop to my sides. I stay on the wall, though. It's cold up here, but it's kind of nice at the same time. It makes it easier to breathe.

"I'm not going to jump, Bella," I say.

[a_swan_diver]

She stayed where she was just the same. "Probably a good plan. I don't think I'm strong enough to haul you back out, and that water looks pretty cold." She shivered in memory. "You doing okay?"

[makemaps]

"Yes," I say, and then I realise that I'm lying to her and, whatever we're doing here, I don't want to tell her lies. "No. I mean, I'm okay? I'll be okay. But today's kind of rough."

[teambatgirl]

There's someone on the edge, someone waiting to jump. She's out of the carriage before she has time to think about, landing in a roll and hopping to her feet. Not that she has any idea what to do faced with something like this. No lines on her, nothing she can swoop with to save the day. No little nuggets of wisdom.

Her heart clenches when she sees that it's Craig.

"Hey mister." But Stpehanie forces a smile at him and leans against the rail a few feet away, suddenly playing at casual like she didn't just hop out of a carriage and into the slush. She won't be able to grab him before he goes in but she can go in after him.

[makemaps]

I'm aware of the way she arrives, and, don't get me wrong, I know what this looks like. There are I am, standing on the rail, but my hand's within reach of a lamp-post and it's weird but...I kind of feel safer standing here than I have all day, riding the bike and trying not to think.

I look down at her. A gust of wind makes me rock on the balls of my feet.

"It's okay, Steph," I say. "I'm not going to jump."
These are the kind of conversations that become normal, I guess.

[teambatgirl]

"I believe you." And she does too, yet still he makes her nervous. He could slip. He could fall. Make just a little mistake and down he'd go. He hasn't had to learn how to fall like she has. She leans against what he's standing on and tips her head up to him. "It is my hypocrisy talking that I can do sky scrapers but other people standing in high places stress me out."

It would be different if she were in costume, had her belt, anything. She's just Stephanie Brown now.

"Not a great day?"

[makemaps]

"Not really," I say, with a little shrug. On a bad day, I feel kind of...hollow. Sick to the back of my throat. And my head hurts. I've spent the whole day cycling, just riding a bike and trying to breathe.

And it's sort of helped.
"It's all just so big, sometimes, you know?"