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[makemaps]

I still think about it.

Don't get me wrong: 3 North helped. 3 North helped in ways that had nothing to do with drugs and everything to know that I wasn't the only one whose brain was broken, the only who didn't know how to cope with really basic things like putting their shoes on or answering emails.

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[teambatgirl]

There's someone on the edge, someone waiting to jump. She's out of the carriage before she has time to think about, landing in a roll and hopping to her feet. Not that she has any idea what to do faced with something like this. No lines on her, nothing she can swoop with to save the day. No little nuggets of wisdom.

Her heart clenches when she sees that it's Craig.

"Hey mister." But Stpehanie forces a smile at him and leans against the rail a few feet away, suddenly playing at casual like she didn't just hop out of a carriage and into the slush. She won't be able to grab him before he goes in but she can go in after him.

[makemaps]

I'm aware of the way she arrives, and, don't get me wrong, I know what this looks like. There are I am, standing on the rail, but my hand's within reach of a lamp-post and it's weird but...I kind of feel safer standing here than I have all day, riding the bike and trying not to think.

I look down at her. A gust of wind makes me rock on the balls of my feet.

"It's okay, Steph," I say. "I'm not going to jump."
These are the kind of conversations that become normal, I guess.

[teambatgirl]

"I believe you." And she does too, yet still he makes her nervous. He could slip. He could fall. Make just a little mistake and down he'd go. He hasn't had to learn how to fall like she has. She leans against what he's standing on and tips her head up to him. "It is my hypocrisy talking that I can do sky scrapers but other people standing in high places stress me out."

It would be different if she were in costume, had her belt, anything. She's just Stephanie Brown now.

"Not a great day?"

[makemaps]

"Not really," I say, with a little shrug. On a bad day, I feel kind of...hollow. Sick to the back of my throat. And my head hurts. I've spent the whole day cycling, just riding a bike and trying to breathe.

And it's sort of helped.
"It's all just so big, sometimes, you know?"

[teambatgirl]

She clambers up onto what he's standing on and sits down beside him. The frozen Thames looks strange from up here. Rivers in Gotham don't freeze, not like this.

Stephanie pats the spot next to her. "Sit down and tell me about it."

[makemaps]

It's kind of awkward, but I get there, sitting beside her. I look down at the river, my hands between my knees.

"There's not a lot to say," I say. "Everything's just...shit, some days. Usually, it gets better."

[teambatgirl]

"It'll get better." She smiles at him a little bit. "I am 100% confident in that. Even if right now it's miserable."

The edge of his sleeve brushes against hers. She wants to wrap her arms around him, hug him until he isn't hurting anymore. Hard lesson to learn, but sometimes you just can't make it all better. Sometimes you need to just be there to help weather the storm.

It sucks, but that's sort of part of life.

"Sometimes, when I'm upset, I really want to talk about it and sometimes I want to talk about anything else. What about you?"

[makemaps]

"Sometimes, I don't know...how to talk about it," I say, looking down at my fingers, twisting them together. "And, you know, most of the time...I don't know what to say? I wish there was some big explanation for why I'm like this, something dramatic...but there isn't."