(Untitled)

[hey_high_five]

What up, my loyal Barnabitos. I know you have been lost in the wilderness of lame without my regular guidance, but it's been long days of nothing on our real-life Gilligan's island. Ginger's not even here in the slinky red sequined dress that led to the sexual awakening of thousands of pubescent boys and lipstick lesbians

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[robin_sparkles]

"Well, for one, I doubt they involve Hustler," Robin theorized curiously from the doorway, sipping at her cup of tea as she wandered in and set down a new copy of a soft-core porn novel featuring Mindy and her very good friend Janet and a sexual awakening that they just couldn't deny. She settled into her chair and shifted until one leg was tucked under the other.

She peeked over the magazine. "Ooh, advice," she teased, leaning over and flipping the page before he was even done reading it aloud.

[robin_sparkles]

She gave a slightly nervous laugh, something out of character for her (nervous? About sex? Pfft, what was she, a virgin?) and relaxed back into her chair, nodding almost vigorously. "Right. Of course, you're right," she agreed, brushing her hair back and trying not to obsess too much about the what and the how of it, asking for the details. "We uh." She cleared her throat. "When you're healed, when the doctors give you the one-hundred percent okay, we should have sex. Here."

[hey_high_five]

Barney almost choked. No, scratch that, he did choke on sheer astonishment as he stared at her.

"What?"

[robin_sparkles]

She gave him a scoff, completely feeling like she was getting the bum end of the deal. "I don't get to remember what the sex was like! I got like, two minutes of kissing and then I was here and you remember it all? How is that fair, like, at all? So, you know, we should do it once," she said blithely.

[hey_high_five]

His reaction was slower than it should be, probably because he was out of practice from talking to anyone but her, and normally she didn't bring up sleeping together out of the blue.

That was supposed to be his job.

But after a few moments of looking at her incredulously, he forced a smirk. "Fantasies just not enough for you, got to get your hands on the real thing?"

[robin_sparkles]

"No fantasies," she corrected bluntly and quick (and maybe a bit harsh, but it was important he didn't think she was getting weak or anything). "Just curiosity, okay? I made the call and I tried to go through with it and that loser of destiny pulled me here, so I just want to finish the unfinished business, okay?"

[hey_high_five]

He just looked at her. Longer than he should have, probably, but it settled something in him when everything else about him and Robin made him by turns exult and despair.

That damn bus. If it hadn't hit him then he wouldn't have noticed any of this, and it was totally cramping his style. Barney hated having more than one emotion at a time, and now he had about eight going on at once.

Finally, he looked away and shrugged. "Yeah, alright."

[robin_sparkles]

Robin just stared at him and gave a nervous little laugh. "Wow," she commented, blinking rapidly and furiously backpedaling as much as she could because that was so not the reaction she was expecting. "If it was really that bad, Barney," she hurried to make it right. "We don't have to."

[hey_high_five]

"It wasn't bad," he insisted and where the hell was Marshall high and with weed to share and distractions aplenty? This was the perfect time for a wingman to swoop in. He forced a grin and glanced over at her. "It's cool, Scherbatsky, I get it. once you've got the taste of the Barnacle in your mouth, you can't help but want to try the whole thing."

[robin_sparkles]

And there was the disgusting part that she should have been expecting, so she just rolled her eyes and rubbed a hand through her hair. "You know what, Barney? Just forget it, okay? Forget I ever said anything."

[hey_high_five]

He opened his mouth to argue, because Barney was nothing if not tenacious, but then he just let out a breah and shrugged. Part of him was offended at his very idea, him turning down sex with a Nine like Robin.

The whole with Robin thing was the problem. Ugh, since when were emotions a sexually transmitted disease?

After a moment he looked back at her, head against the pillow. "So you're really into the Flying Dutchman, huh?"

[robin_sparkles]

Robin rolled her eyes and gestured, a 'whatever' hand movement that encompassed all of her feelings on the matter. "I'm just dating," she admitted. "I did the one-night stand thing a little, now I'm dating, so I've got this date with John and then the thing with Lacy, so...here's, you know, hoping I can pretend I'm normal for a couple hours."

[hey_high_five]

His eyebrows went up despite the flares of jealousy in his chest.

"...Lacy? Now is this a modern poet with no grasp of rhyming or has Robin finally embraced her inner lesbian?"

If he couldn't date her. No. Not date. If he couldn't...spend all his time with her and then also they would play laser tag and drink scotch and fuck all the time...then it would be almost as good if she did it with a really hot girl...if he got to watch.

[robin_sparkles]

"Lacy," Robin replied, lifting her chin defensively. "She's like, our age. Long dark hair that's sort of wavy and really intense green eyes and a rack you would not even believe," she said, laughing anxiously and in a panic because oh god, she had actually agreed to a date with a woman. What was wrong with her?

[hey_high_five]

His eyes lit up and a grin was slowly pulling at his mouth as he brought his hand up.

"Nice," Barney said genuinely. "Very nice, Scherbatsky, you embrace that inner beaver-loving, girl-kissing lesbian inside you. High five!"

[robin_sparkles]

"I am not high-fiving you over my possible conversation to lesbianism," she very flatly informed him, but then his hand was up there and she sighed as she reached over to lower it. "Besides, Barney, you seriously have to start letting me help you get laid. This is ridiculous!"