Fic: Lives Are For Living. (18/35)
Title Lives Are For Living. (18/35)
Fandoms Torchwood/Being Human crossover fic.
Characters/pairings Andy Davidson/Tom McNair. Other Torchwood and Being Human characters will appear later on.
Word count: This part 3050 (Total posted 41,550 /65,000)
Rating This part pg13 (adult over all)
Contains Mentions of depression/anxiety. Mentions of past canon major character death. Mention of minor character death - not canon. In later parts canon level violence, graphic sex, Andy's homophobic mother. Spoilers for Being Human (UK version) up to series 5 episode 3, and for Torchwood up to Children of Earth.
A/N: Crossover with Being Human. Technically a CoE fix it as it's set in the same 'verse as Finding Ways To Smile Again (although that isn't apparent until about 2/3 the way through the story). Follows on from Break and Breakaway from Tom McNair's POV - which is where it breaks from Being Human canon.
Summary
After being pushed out of the police force following the events of Children of Earth, Andy Davidson tries to build a new life for himself in the deep in the Welsh countryside.
Tom McNair walked out off his old life after realising it wasn't what he needed.
A chance meeting would take their lives in directions that they had never expected and bring them love that they'd not thought they'd find.
Starts here: http://the-silver-sun.livejournal.com/214504.html
Bright morning sunlight was already streaming in through the window when Tom woke. Beside him in bed Andy was still asleep, his head tipped back slightly on the pillows, snoring softly, the bed covers pushed down to barely cover his hips
Tom looked at him and smiled. He'd had sex. Actual real sex with Andy and it had been brilliant. It hadn't been exactly like he'd thought it would be, the videos hadn't been all that accurate in the end, but he supposed that was because they were sort of like films. It was like how they got werewolves wrong in just about all of them. It had been embarrassing looking at the videos at first, but with all the people in them being men he'd eventually decided it was okay. His dad had told him not to look at magazines or things with women with little or nothing on in them, that those sort of magazines or film were degrading towards women and reading them was agreeing that things like that was acceptable. He'd never said anything about men being naked in things, so in the end he'd come to the conclusion that it was probably alright to look at those.
He could probably have managed without watching them, Tom thought, but it had been useful in that he hadn't to ask what Andy had meant about certain things. There were probably still going to be load of things to find out, but he suspected that they'd have a great time doing it. Because knowing that he could make Andy feel as good as he had last night was a fantastic feeling and one that he wanted them both to feel again. That Andy seemed to want the same for him gave him a warm feeling inside.
Still smiling and feeling like that he might never stop, Tom slipped out of the bedroom. He'd get them some breakfast and them he'd ask Andy is they could try it the other way round.
"Someone's in a very good mood this morning."
Putting down the kettle on the top of the range, Tom turned to see Andy standing in the bedroom doorway, wearing nothing apart from pyjama bottoms.
"After last night I think I'm gonna be in a good mood forever," Tom said, happily. "You want tea or coffee?”
"Coffee or I'm going to fall asleep again," Andy replied. Yawning and rubbing a hand through his hair, he went over to the table and sat down.
The slight noise, a mix of discomfort and relief, Andy had made didn't escape Tom, and he felt concern slipping in. What if Andy had only pretended to have enjoyed last nice? What if his ribs were hurting again? The whole thing had been pretty energetic. Feeling like he should have asked the question the previous night, before they fell asleep, Tom said,"I weren't too rough, were I?"
“Not really. My legs are the worse of it, and they'll be fine once I've walked around for a bit,” Andy said sounding unconcerned. "I'm just not used to kneeling like that, but hopefully that's going to...”
What Andy was saying faded to a background noise as Tom caught sight of his shoulder. High up on it, near to where it met his neck was a bruise - a bruise that could only have come from a bite. He swallowed hard, guilt and disgust at himself threatening to overwhelm him. How could he have allowed the wolf get into something that should have been private between just the two of them? And worse how could he have not realised until now what he'd done? "I bit you," Tom said faintly, horrified at what he'd done. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't…"
"Hey, it's okay. It'll be gone in a few days," Andy said putting his hand over Tom's. "We can all get bit carried away sometimes. It's natural."
"It is?" Tom said doubtfully, half convinced that Andy was only saying it to make him feel better. He didn't want to think that about him, that Andy would lie to him, because that thought always ended up being followed these days by the suspicion that they were tricking him about other things, that they were just using him. “'Cause I feel like I've messed everything up. You were so nice to me and I've hurt you, and I'm so sorry, an'...”
"Will you stop apologising?" Andy said, twisting round in the chair to look at him. "Last night was perfect, you were perfect."
"But you're sore. That can't be right,” Tom protested. The certainty, the honesty in Andy's voice had been worse in a way that if there had been doubt there. It meant there was only one liar in their relationship and that was him.
"Sometimes it can be. Sometime rough can be good, if you're both in the mood for it,” Andy said, sounding slightly embarrassed now. “Look I could have suggested that we tried a different position or I could have taken more time to get ready, but I wanted you last night, I wanted what we did.” He smiled, open and honest. “I've got no regrets, well none apart from wishing I'd asked you weeks ago.”
“But you would say if I were being a bit rough, wouldn't yer?” Tom said, . “I don't wanna hurt you. I'd hate that.”
“Of course I'd tell you,” Andy said, sounding surprised that he'd think that he wouldn't. “And I know that you'd listen, because you'd never do it on purpose.” He stopped, gave Tom's hands a squeeze and then asked, “Now are you going to tell me what's wrong?”
I am, Tom thought miserably. He knew he should tell Andy about it, about what he was, but the words caught in his throat. He'd lose him if he told him the truth. There was a reason things like him had to hide what they were, why they had to live their entire life as a lie and that was survival. What Cutler had done, what he'd had tricked him into, had shown him that the world wasn't ready for what he was and maybe it never would be. They'd be hunted, imprisoned, experimented and killed all out of fear. And who wouldn't be afraid, Tom thought bitterly. He was monster as far as any normal person was concerned. Even the vampires saw werewolves less than normal people. “It's nothin,'” Tom said, pulling his hand away and looking down, scared for a moment that he might just cry at the unfairness of it all.
“Tom?”
“Guess I'm just a bit weird about biting and scratching and all that,” Tom said, rubbing the top of the scars where they curled across the top of his shoulder and hoping that Andy would accept that as an answer. It was true to some extent, but it was such a tiny part of the truth that it still felt like a lie. He turned away too ashamed to look Andy in the eye.
“Your sca...” Andy stopped, then swore under his breathe at what he obviously perceived to be his own thoughtlessness. “I should have realised.”
“You weren't to know," Tom said, moving away and trying to distract himself with making then a drink. "It don't matter. It's just me bein' daft."
Andy got up and followed him over to the range, where Tom had started to get them some tea. Putting his arms round him, he kissed the back of his neck. "It matters to me. You've listened to me ramble on about things when everything is getting me down. And I'd be a pretty crap boyfriend if I didn't care about you."
The teaspoon and the sugar that Tom had been about to put into his mug fell to the floor as he twisted round in Andy's arms. “Is that what we are? Boyfriends?”
“If you want us to be, I mean I want it,” Andy said starting to sound flustered. “But its got to be both of us wanting it. You don't have to, if you don't want to. So don't feel like you have to if you're not ready for that.”
Although Tom knew that having sex someone didn't automatically mean you were in a relationship with that person, he wasn't comfortable with the idea for himself and certainly he didn't want that to be the case with Andy. “Of course I do,” he said, wrapping his arms about him and leaning up for a kiss. “It's all I want.”
Andy kissed him, laughing a little as he did, his hands drifting lower. “Apparently it's not the only thing though.”
Tom knew he'd gone red again, but he didn't care. Pressing himself closers against Andy he said, “I ain't the only one.”
Breakfast eventually happened and Tom went out to pack up his tent and try to salvage the wet and muddy contents. The storm had cleared the air and while it was another warm, sunny day it wasn't the hot, sticky humidity of the previous one. So after almost talking himself out of it, in favour of just spending the day in bed, Tom had asked Andy whether he'd like to go to a swim in the reservoir with him.
He'd been less than keen on the idea, pointing out just how many accidental drownings happened from things like that, but they'd come to a compromise in the end. They walk down to where Tom had suggested they'd have a swim and have a picnic instead.
Ignoring the paths and walking over the fields and moorland to Coed Y Foel and then making their way down the rocky slopes would have been the most direct route, but heading through Elan village, picking up a few bits at the small corner shop, and then following the Elan river to where it joined the Caban Coch reservoir was easier and had just as good views.
From the massive dam at the lowest end of the Cabon Coch reservoir they followed the path that ran along the banks to where the wide sweep of the stone arched bridge separated the Caban Coch and Garreg Ddu reservoirs. It was more than just a bridge though, Tom knew from looking at the information in the Elan Valley park visitors centre, it was also the point where the water was fed into a system of underground pipes channels where it would, using nothing more than the power of gravity, start its long journey to provide water for Birmingham and other urban centres in the Midlands. The scale of it was mindboggling, Tom thought as they approached the bridge. He liked to think that his dad, being as he'd been a surveyor before the vampires had got him for the first time, would have been impressed with it too. He wished that he'd know about that part of his life before he'd died. Being able to go somewhere that his dad had helped make, he thought, would have helped on those days were his dad felt so far away.
Stopping at the small, copper domed building on the Elan Valley side of the bridge, Andy looked out over the water, “Wow. You know I had no idea about this place.”
“You'd never even had a bit of a look around?” Tom asked, surprised that Andy hadn't explored even a little bit. It wasn't like the bridge was that remote, it carried a road across it, giving people access to the small church which had been rebuilt there after the valley had been flooded during the creation of the reservoirs.
“Not really that much of an outdoors sort of person,” Andy said, shaking his head. “Never really thought I'd live anywhere other than the city, you know. I'd not been living out here that long before you found me, only about a month or so.”
“Well if you want I can show you all round here. I've got a fair idea of where everything is out here now. We can stop on the other side of the bridge,” Tom said, starting to cross it. “It's easier to get down to the water on the Claerwen side and we can decide whether we want to have a bit of an explore late on.”
“Wait a minute,” Andy said, getting his phone out of his pocket. A new one picked up on their last trip into Rhayader as a proper replacement for the one smashed a few weeks earlier. After scrolling through the settings for a few moments, he stood it on the wall and then hurried back to Tom.
Putting his arm around him, he said, “Smile”
Tom had barely had time to stop looking surprised when the camera gave a small click and Andy hurried back to get it.
“Can I have a look?” Tom asked, when Andy returned with the phone.
“Sure.” Andy turned the mobile so that Tom could see.
The screen on the back of the phone showed them standing together. Andy with his arm around him, smiling, the wind blowing his hair in all directions as he'd not had it cut for a while, and him looking at Andy surprised and happy rather than at the camera.
“Its got pretty good resolution, not sure how well it'll do inside or if it was dark, but
“It's great. Do you think you could print it?” Tom asked. It probably wasn't the time to admit that he couldn't ever remember having his photograph taken before, he decided. It was, most likely, just a bit too weird to drop into conversation and not expect Andy to want to know why.
“Okay, I need to see if it works with the printer,” Andy said, putting the mobile back in its case. Then added, sound pleased, “It's got pictbridge, so no more hunting for the right cable.”
Tom nodded. He was getting used to all the gadgets, but sometimes he found it was easier just to smile and nod rather than admit that he wasn't always entirely sure what they were talking about. It had been easier with Hal like that; he'd pretty much cut himself of from the world in the nineteen fifties.
Once they'd crossed the bridge and found a good place to stop, Tom took the picnic blanket out of the bag and spread it on the ground. If inside the house, with its furniture and slowly growing amount of technology was where Andy was most at home, then out here was where Tom felt like he belonged. Away from the complexities of the world, with the scent of the woodlands behind him, the wide open sky above and the sound of water trickling down the steeply wooded slopes to the side him into the rippling water in front, he could find peace. How much of that was down to the wolf he wasn't sure. It was hard separating the wolf from things, impossible perhaps. There was no part of his life that he remembered from before the wolf, and even if by some miracle he'd remembered those first few months of his life what had a toddler known about the world? Nothing.
Everything was still so confusing, he thought with a sigh. His dad had never seemed to have any doubts about anything, so that probably couldn't be explained by the wolf. He'd thought he'd feel grown up once he'd had his twenty first birthday, but he hadn't. Since then there'd been his first real job, his first kiss and now his first time having sex and he still didn't feel any different.
“Something is still wrong, isn't it?” Andy said lying on the picnic blanket, looking up at the sparse white clouds in the otherwise blue sky. “You're not starting to regret last night, are you?”
“No, of course not. It's guess just I thought I'd feel different,” Tom said, lying down on the blanket next to him. He felt silly admitting it, but he trusted Andy not to laugh at him and maybe to even understand. “I dunno, like properly grown up or something. I mean I know I am, but sometimes...I ain't right good at this feelings stuff. I get all confused, but you know that, right?”
“No more so than I do.” Andy rolled over to face him. “Do you know I used to think it was just me who was making it all up as I went along, that everybody else knew what they were doing, that I was going to be found out. Turned out that just everybody thought the same.” Rolling back to stare up at the clouds once more, he sighed. “We were all just running scared.”
It made a lot of sense, Tom thought, it would explain people did things that were strange and confusing. It didn't feel scary to him though, if anything it was a relief, it meant he was like everybody else, just a normal human person making their life up as they went along. It did get better in the end though, Tom thought as he said, “We're not running any more though, are we?”
“No, I guess we're not,” Andy said as if he was realising it for the first time. He looked out over the water, eyes following the steeply rising wooded slopes to where the bare moorland began. “It's this place, you, me, us together.” Andy turned back and smiled at him. “It feels like this was meant to be. It's home.”
The little farmhouse in the hills and the wide open land around it had come to feel much like home as the van where he'd grown up with his dad and as much or maybe even more so than Honolulu Heights. As, although it felt a bit disloyal to think it, he'd only stayed there because he'd cared about the people there, the old bed and breakfast with its dodgy plumbing and heating and weird decorations hadn't really been more than an building in the end. Tom smiled back at him. “It's our home.”
“Our home,”Andy repeated, pulling him in closer to kiss him. “Our home together.”
Part 19 http://the-silver-sun.livejournal.com/222584.html
Note.
Apologies for the lateness of this part, I don't seem to have had time to do anything much this week at all beyond work and sorting out things that need doing round the house. Normal posting schedule of Sundays and Wednesdays should now resume.
Fandoms Torchwood/Being Human crossover fic.
Characters/pairings Andy Davidson/Tom McNair. Other Torchwood and Being Human characters will appear later on.
Word count: This part 3050 (Total posted 41,550 /65,000)
Rating This part pg13 (adult over all)
Contains Mentions of depression/anxiety. Mentions of past canon major character death. Mention of minor character death - not canon. In later parts canon level violence, graphic sex, Andy's homophobic mother. Spoilers for Being Human (UK version) up to series 5 episode 3, and for Torchwood up to Children of Earth.
A/N: Crossover with Being Human. Technically a CoE fix it as it's set in the same 'verse as Finding Ways To Smile Again (although that isn't apparent until about 2/3 the way through the story). Follows on from Break and Breakaway from Tom McNair's POV - which is where it breaks from Being Human canon.
Summary
After being pushed out of the police force following the events of Children of Earth, Andy Davidson tries to build a new life for himself in the deep in the Welsh countryside.
Tom McNair walked out off his old life after realising it wasn't what he needed.
A chance meeting would take their lives in directions that they had never expected and bring them love that they'd not thought they'd find.
Starts here: http://the-silver-sun.livejournal.com/214504.html
Bright morning sunlight was already streaming in through the window when Tom woke. Beside him in bed Andy was still asleep, his head tipped back slightly on the pillows, snoring softly, the bed covers pushed down to barely cover his hips
Tom looked at him and smiled. He'd had sex. Actual real sex with Andy and it had been brilliant. It hadn't been exactly like he'd thought it would be, the videos hadn't been all that accurate in the end, but he supposed that was because they were sort of like films. It was like how they got werewolves wrong in just about all of them. It had been embarrassing looking at the videos at first, but with all the people in them being men he'd eventually decided it was okay. His dad had told him not to look at magazines or things with women with little or nothing on in them, that those sort of magazines or film were degrading towards women and reading them was agreeing that things like that was acceptable. He'd never said anything about men being naked in things, so in the end he'd come to the conclusion that it was probably alright to look at those.
He could probably have managed without watching them, Tom thought, but it had been useful in that he hadn't to ask what Andy had meant about certain things. There were probably still going to be load of things to find out, but he suspected that they'd have a great time doing it. Because knowing that he could make Andy feel as good as he had last night was a fantastic feeling and one that he wanted them both to feel again. That Andy seemed to want the same for him gave him a warm feeling inside.
Still smiling and feeling like that he might never stop, Tom slipped out of the bedroom. He'd get them some breakfast and them he'd ask Andy is they could try it the other way round.
"Someone's in a very good mood this morning."
Putting down the kettle on the top of the range, Tom turned to see Andy standing in the bedroom doorway, wearing nothing apart from pyjama bottoms.
"After last night I think I'm gonna be in a good mood forever," Tom said, happily. "You want tea or coffee?”
"Coffee or I'm going to fall asleep again," Andy replied. Yawning and rubbing a hand through his hair, he went over to the table and sat down.
The slight noise, a mix of discomfort and relief, Andy had made didn't escape Tom, and he felt concern slipping in. What if Andy had only pretended to have enjoyed last nice? What if his ribs were hurting again? The whole thing had been pretty energetic. Feeling like he should have asked the question the previous night, before they fell asleep, Tom said,"I weren't too rough, were I?"
“Not really. My legs are the worse of it, and they'll be fine once I've walked around for a bit,” Andy said sounding unconcerned. "I'm just not used to kneeling like that, but hopefully that's going to...”
What Andy was saying faded to a background noise as Tom caught sight of his shoulder. High up on it, near to where it met his neck was a bruise - a bruise that could only have come from a bite. He swallowed hard, guilt and disgust at himself threatening to overwhelm him. How could he have allowed the wolf get into something that should have been private between just the two of them? And worse how could he have not realised until now what he'd done? "I bit you," Tom said faintly, horrified at what he'd done. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't…"
"Hey, it's okay. It'll be gone in a few days," Andy said putting his hand over Tom's. "We can all get bit carried away sometimes. It's natural."
"It is?" Tom said doubtfully, half convinced that Andy was only saying it to make him feel better. He didn't want to think that about him, that Andy would lie to him, because that thought always ended up being followed these days by the suspicion that they were tricking him about other things, that they were just using him. “'Cause I feel like I've messed everything up. You were so nice to me and I've hurt you, and I'm so sorry, an'...”
"Will you stop apologising?" Andy said, twisting round in the chair to look at him. "Last night was perfect, you were perfect."
"But you're sore. That can't be right,” Tom protested. The certainty, the honesty in Andy's voice had been worse in a way that if there had been doubt there. It meant there was only one liar in their relationship and that was him.
"Sometimes it can be. Sometime rough can be good, if you're both in the mood for it,” Andy said, sounding slightly embarrassed now. “Look I could have suggested that we tried a different position or I could have taken more time to get ready, but I wanted you last night, I wanted what we did.” He smiled, open and honest. “I've got no regrets, well none apart from wishing I'd asked you weeks ago.”
“But you would say if I were being a bit rough, wouldn't yer?” Tom said, . “I don't wanna hurt you. I'd hate that.”
“Of course I'd tell you,” Andy said, sounding surprised that he'd think that he wouldn't. “And I know that you'd listen, because you'd never do it on purpose.” He stopped, gave Tom's hands a squeeze and then asked, “Now are you going to tell me what's wrong?”
I am, Tom thought miserably. He knew he should tell Andy about it, about what he was, but the words caught in his throat. He'd lose him if he told him the truth. There was a reason things like him had to hide what they were, why they had to live their entire life as a lie and that was survival. What Cutler had done, what he'd had tricked him into, had shown him that the world wasn't ready for what he was and maybe it never would be. They'd be hunted, imprisoned, experimented and killed all out of fear. And who wouldn't be afraid, Tom thought bitterly. He was monster as far as any normal person was concerned. Even the vampires saw werewolves less than normal people. “It's nothin,'” Tom said, pulling his hand away and looking down, scared for a moment that he might just cry at the unfairness of it all.
“Tom?”
“Guess I'm just a bit weird about biting and scratching and all that,” Tom said, rubbing the top of the scars where they curled across the top of his shoulder and hoping that Andy would accept that as an answer. It was true to some extent, but it was such a tiny part of the truth that it still felt like a lie. He turned away too ashamed to look Andy in the eye.
“Your sca...” Andy stopped, then swore under his breathe at what he obviously perceived to be his own thoughtlessness. “I should have realised.”
“You weren't to know," Tom said, moving away and trying to distract himself with making then a drink. "It don't matter. It's just me bein' daft."
Andy got up and followed him over to the range, where Tom had started to get them some tea. Putting his arms round him, he kissed the back of his neck. "It matters to me. You've listened to me ramble on about things when everything is getting me down. And I'd be a pretty crap boyfriend if I didn't care about you."
The teaspoon and the sugar that Tom had been about to put into his mug fell to the floor as he twisted round in Andy's arms. “Is that what we are? Boyfriends?”
“If you want us to be, I mean I want it,” Andy said starting to sound flustered. “But its got to be both of us wanting it. You don't have to, if you don't want to. So don't feel like you have to if you're not ready for that.”
Although Tom knew that having sex someone didn't automatically mean you were in a relationship with that person, he wasn't comfortable with the idea for himself and certainly he didn't want that to be the case with Andy. “Of course I do,” he said, wrapping his arms about him and leaning up for a kiss. “It's all I want.”
Andy kissed him, laughing a little as he did, his hands drifting lower. “Apparently it's not the only thing though.”
Tom knew he'd gone red again, but he didn't care. Pressing himself closers against Andy he said, “I ain't the only one.”
Breakfast eventually happened and Tom went out to pack up his tent and try to salvage the wet and muddy contents. The storm had cleared the air and while it was another warm, sunny day it wasn't the hot, sticky humidity of the previous one. So after almost talking himself out of it, in favour of just spending the day in bed, Tom had asked Andy whether he'd like to go to a swim in the reservoir with him.
He'd been less than keen on the idea, pointing out just how many accidental drownings happened from things like that, but they'd come to a compromise in the end. They walk down to where Tom had suggested they'd have a swim and have a picnic instead.
Ignoring the paths and walking over the fields and moorland to Coed Y Foel and then making their way down the rocky slopes would have been the most direct route, but heading through Elan village, picking up a few bits at the small corner shop, and then following the Elan river to where it joined the Caban Coch reservoir was easier and had just as good views.
From the massive dam at the lowest end of the Cabon Coch reservoir they followed the path that ran along the banks to where the wide sweep of the stone arched bridge separated the Caban Coch and Garreg Ddu reservoirs. It was more than just a bridge though, Tom knew from looking at the information in the Elan Valley park visitors centre, it was also the point where the water was fed into a system of underground pipes channels where it would, using nothing more than the power of gravity, start its long journey to provide water for Birmingham and other urban centres in the Midlands. The scale of it was mindboggling, Tom thought as they approached the bridge. He liked to think that his dad, being as he'd been a surveyor before the vampires had got him for the first time, would have been impressed with it too. He wished that he'd know about that part of his life before he'd died. Being able to go somewhere that his dad had helped make, he thought, would have helped on those days were his dad felt so far away.
Stopping at the small, copper domed building on the Elan Valley side of the bridge, Andy looked out over the water, “Wow. You know I had no idea about this place.”
“You'd never even had a bit of a look around?” Tom asked, surprised that Andy hadn't explored even a little bit. It wasn't like the bridge was that remote, it carried a road across it, giving people access to the small church which had been rebuilt there after the valley had been flooded during the creation of the reservoirs.
“Not really that much of an outdoors sort of person,” Andy said, shaking his head. “Never really thought I'd live anywhere other than the city, you know. I'd not been living out here that long before you found me, only about a month or so.”
“Well if you want I can show you all round here. I've got a fair idea of where everything is out here now. We can stop on the other side of the bridge,” Tom said, starting to cross it. “It's easier to get down to the water on the Claerwen side and we can decide whether we want to have a bit of an explore late on.”
“Wait a minute,” Andy said, getting his phone out of his pocket. A new one picked up on their last trip into Rhayader as a proper replacement for the one smashed a few weeks earlier. After scrolling through the settings for a few moments, he stood it on the wall and then hurried back to Tom.
Putting his arm around him, he said, “Smile”
Tom had barely had time to stop looking surprised when the camera gave a small click and Andy hurried back to get it.
“Can I have a look?” Tom asked, when Andy returned with the phone.
“Sure.” Andy turned the mobile so that Tom could see.
The screen on the back of the phone showed them standing together. Andy with his arm around him, smiling, the wind blowing his hair in all directions as he'd not had it cut for a while, and him looking at Andy surprised and happy rather than at the camera.
“Its got pretty good resolution, not sure how well it'll do inside or if it was dark, but
“It's great. Do you think you could print it?” Tom asked. It probably wasn't the time to admit that he couldn't ever remember having his photograph taken before, he decided. It was, most likely, just a bit too weird to drop into conversation and not expect Andy to want to know why.
“Okay, I need to see if it works with the printer,” Andy said, putting the mobile back in its case. Then added, sound pleased, “It's got pictbridge, so no more hunting for the right cable.”
Tom nodded. He was getting used to all the gadgets, but sometimes he found it was easier just to smile and nod rather than admit that he wasn't always entirely sure what they were talking about. It had been easier with Hal like that; he'd pretty much cut himself of from the world in the nineteen fifties.
Once they'd crossed the bridge and found a good place to stop, Tom took the picnic blanket out of the bag and spread it on the ground. If inside the house, with its furniture and slowly growing amount of technology was where Andy was most at home, then out here was where Tom felt like he belonged. Away from the complexities of the world, with the scent of the woodlands behind him, the wide open sky above and the sound of water trickling down the steeply wooded slopes to the side him into the rippling water in front, he could find peace. How much of that was down to the wolf he wasn't sure. It was hard separating the wolf from things, impossible perhaps. There was no part of his life that he remembered from before the wolf, and even if by some miracle he'd remembered those first few months of his life what had a toddler known about the world? Nothing.
Everything was still so confusing, he thought with a sigh. His dad had never seemed to have any doubts about anything, so that probably couldn't be explained by the wolf. He'd thought he'd feel grown up once he'd had his twenty first birthday, but he hadn't. Since then there'd been his first real job, his first kiss and now his first time having sex and he still didn't feel any different.
“Something is still wrong, isn't it?” Andy said lying on the picnic blanket, looking up at the sparse white clouds in the otherwise blue sky. “You're not starting to regret last night, are you?”
“No, of course not. It's guess just I thought I'd feel different,” Tom said, lying down on the blanket next to him. He felt silly admitting it, but he trusted Andy not to laugh at him and maybe to even understand. “I dunno, like properly grown up or something. I mean I know I am, but sometimes...I ain't right good at this feelings stuff. I get all confused, but you know that, right?”
“No more so than I do.” Andy rolled over to face him. “Do you know I used to think it was just me who was making it all up as I went along, that everybody else knew what they were doing, that I was going to be found out. Turned out that just everybody thought the same.” Rolling back to stare up at the clouds once more, he sighed. “We were all just running scared.”
It made a lot of sense, Tom thought, it would explain people did things that were strange and confusing. It didn't feel scary to him though, if anything it was a relief, it meant he was like everybody else, just a normal human person making their life up as they went along. It did get better in the end though, Tom thought as he said, “We're not running any more though, are we?”
“No, I guess we're not,” Andy said as if he was realising it for the first time. He looked out over the water, eyes following the steeply rising wooded slopes to where the bare moorland began. “It's this place, you, me, us together.” Andy turned back and smiled at him. “It feels like this was meant to be. It's home.”
The little farmhouse in the hills and the wide open land around it had come to feel much like home as the van where he'd grown up with his dad and as much or maybe even more so than Honolulu Heights. As, although it felt a bit disloyal to think it, he'd only stayed there because he'd cared about the people there, the old bed and breakfast with its dodgy plumbing and heating and weird decorations hadn't really been more than an building in the end. Tom smiled back at him. “It's our home.”
“Our home,”Andy repeated, pulling him in closer to kiss him. “Our home together.”
Part 19 http://the-silver-sun.livejournal.com/222584.html
Note.
Apologies for the lateness of this part, I don't seem to have had time to do anything much this week at all beyond work and sorting out things that need doing round the house. Normal posting schedule of Sundays and Wednesdays should now resume.