The Visitor's Guide To Smallville (Chlark/Humor Fic)
Title: The Visitor's Guide to Smallville, or how to keep them on the farm after they seen Metropolis...
Author: The Satyr Icon
Rating: G
Spoilers: Set in Icon AU;
Classification: Smallville; Chloe/Clark; het_fic, guide
Disclaimer: All characters, references, and other things pertaining to 'Smallville' are property of the WB, DC Comics, Tollin-Robins, Al Gough & Miles Millar, and J. Siegal & J. Shuster; I am just writing for fun, and if I owned them, all would be good and clean in the World.
Summary: The Smallville Tourist Committee issues a visitor's guide...
Word Count:
Written: Start:3/03/05 Finished: 4/20/06
Dedication: To everyone that waited over a year for this ficlet!
URL: http://the-satyr-icon.livejournal.com/41526.html
Welcome to Smallville, Kansas
Located in the Southwestern part of the great state of Kansas, Smallville is the place where Anything Can Happen! Smallville is bordered by Huntington on the North, Kaitisnertown on the East, Grandville on the South, and Tabbiton on the West and set entirely in Lowell County. Metropolis is approximately 3 hours from Smallville. Home to over 40,000 people, the city is known historically for agriculture, locally for its friendly hospitality, and nationally for its weird phenomena. Smallville's sister city and rival is Grandville, which is located forty miles to the south. The two cities and surrounding areas can boast of a population of 110,000 people!
An agricultural center, Smallville produces about 10% of both the state's produce and livestock. But in recent years, Smallville has become home to some of the world's most technological companies, and the city's demographics reflect that change; now the city is teeming with old guard farmers and new wave businessmen! Many opportunities for education, recreation, and cultural enrichment exist in Smallville that are normally found in large metropolitan areas of the United States, such as Metropolis, Gotham, Los Angeles, and New York.
Smallville Regional Airport provides air service and is expanding from two runways to twelve, allowing more daily flights via LuthorAir and other commercial air carriers.
Major television networks, Public Broadcast System, and thousands of cable channels are broadcast in Smallville thanks in part to hundreds of satellite dishes and LuthorCorp's LuthorCast Cable System; LuthorCorp also has a television studio based in Smallville. Between Smallville and Grandville, the two cities have shopping malls, museums, restaurants, hotels, motels, and a reputation for friendliness and service.
In this Visitor's Guide, you will find information to get you started in Smallville, including information on educational and health care facilities, as well as complete visitor's information on the city's attractions, restaurants, shopping venues, hotels, and much, much more.
No one knows a city better than its residents and local teenage sleuths Clark Kent, Chloe Sullivan, and Pete Ross will be your guide to their home, Smallville, and provide you with the best that the town has to offer. Each selection is personalized with their anecdotes and thoughts. Also helping that trio are prominent businesspersons Lex Luthor and Lana Lang, along with other friends of our youthful guides.
The Smallville Chamber of Commerce would like to thank the youths for their help. This guide also completes their community service sentence in relation to their constant investigations that put their own lives into danger and that meddle into police affairs.
A VERY Brief History of Smallville
By Clark Kent and Chloe Sullivan
Smallville takes it name from the person that founded the town so many years ago, Ezra Jebediah Obediah Small. He was a fur-trapper, frontiersman and a scout for the United States Army, and his general knowledge of the area and the indigenous people of the Kawatchee Tribe was vital in the country's growth.
When the Kansas Territory started to first get settled by white Americans in the early 1850s, Ezra Small and his partner, Quincy Cambridge Grand, led a large party of settlers from Dover, Delaware into the area in search of a place where the pioneers could pray freely to a deity of their choosing, govern themselves to their own accord, and both farm and raise livestock. When the settlers arrived at what is now Downtown Smallville, the party split into two factions, those that wanted to graze cattle and those that wanted to graze sheep. By dusk, the heated arguments grew physical. By dawn the next morning, 56 people were killed or maimed, and Small and Grand dissolved their partnership. Grand took his party forty miles to the south and formed Grandville. Small's followers gleefully created the township of Smallville and grazed cattle. Smallville founding principles were, and remain, truth, justice, and witty retorts. As more and more settlers made their way West, the United States Army built a fort in the outskirts of town, and named it Fort Small.
Many folk tales of Ezra Small were told at the time, some making it into the historical records, spotty and ill-kept as they were. But some of the tales were shockingly true. For example, tales of Ezra Small killing two wild boars at the same time with his own hands, scaring off a herd of prairie dogs because their tunnels threatened the town's buildings' foundations, and that he braved through a week-long dust storm to steal supplies from Grandville for both Smallville and the Kawatchee tribe were true, and modern day townspeople proudly boast of them.
As the 1850's surged into the 1900's, very little did in Smallville. The town stayed quaint and quiet, though still in bitter, and often bloody, rivalry with Grandville. Then in October, 1989, everything changed. Meteors slammed into Smallville, destroying nearly the entire town and striking many farms and outlying areas; several chunks plowed fields, decimating the land and produce. Smallville became a national disaster area that October day and everyone that survived the meteor strike pulled together to rebuild the town, to help their neighbor. The only reminders of the meteor catastrophe is the weekly odd phenomena that befalls the town ever since that day; be it mutant chimpanzees or humans gaining weird abilities, something incredible always seems to happen in Smallville. Thankfully, along with the local authorities, teens Clark Kent, Chloe Sullivan and Pete Ross, with some additional aid coming from teenager Lana Lang and millionaire businessman Lex Luthor, put an end the weirdness every week.
Today, while Smallville continues to be a center for produce and livestock, new industries are emerging. The city's economy is diversifying, making room next to ranching and farming, and heading into the 21st century with high-technology companies. Major conglomerates such as LuthorCorp, Queen industries, and Wayne Enterprises have located regional offices in Smallville.
From a short frontiersman named Small to today's technology giants, Smallville is a city on the grow!
Smallville....An Almanac!
By Chloe Sullivan
Since I usually play Clark Kent's Search Engine Girl to his Super Boy antics, I took upon myself to get the details on our leafy little hamlet:
Profile Stats
* Welcome to Smallville
o Town Motto: [old - before 1990] Creamed Corn Capital of the World
[new - after 1990] Meteor Capital of the World
o Official tree: Old Oak Tree in town Triangle Park
o Official Song: "Save Me" by Remy Zero
o Smallville Town Bird: Crow
o Temporarily renamed by TIME Magazine to Meteor-ville!
o Elevation: 100 feet at city hall
o Population: 45,787 people
18,335 households, and 10,340 families residing in the city. There are 20,693 housing units. The racial makeup of the city is 80.57% White, 6.28% African American, 4.65% Native American, 1.00% Asian, 0.04% Pacific Islander, 0.79% from other races. 6.67% of the population is Hispanic or Latino.
Keen Observations-
Pete: My guess is that Clark saved one person of each ethnic background at least twice...since freshman year...
Clark: Really?
Chloe: No. He missed out on Sofu Tatupo, the Samoan, but Sofu's student exchange term ended before his life was threatened.
Pete: Dang!
Clark: I think you guys aren't seeing the big picture....
Location:
Smallville bordered by Huntington on the north, Kaitisnertown on the east, Grandville on the south, and Tabbiton on the west and set entirely in Lowell County. Metropolis is approximately 3 hours from Smallville, approximately 150 miles to the east.
* Major Rival: Grandville, located approximately twenty-five miles away, to the south
o founded by Jedediah's former partner Quincy Cambridge Grand on the basic right to graze sheep.
Keen Observations-
Clark: If you plan to go to any of the nearby towns, pack a lunch...they are at least 20 to 30 minutes away and NOTHING but land in between.
Pete: Never date outside of Smallville.
Chloe: At least we never had to venture out of Smallville for weirdness.
Clark and Pete: Yeah!
Chloe: Hmm. That really wasn't uplifting.
Clark and Pete: Yeah.
* Government:
o City Hall
o City Hall: Mayor's Office (Seal: Weirdus in Extremis)
o Court House
o Smallville Post Office
o Old Smallville Library
o Department of Motor Vehicles
o Fire Service: Smallville Volunteer Fire Department
o Smallville County Court House - "Liberty and Justice for Most"
o Smallville Hall of Records [Not the Good Kind of Records, Historical Ones]
o Smallville Marriage Bureau
o Tax Seizures Auction Room
o Sex Offender Registration Office
o Smallville Bookmobile
o Smallville Juvenile Court
Keen Observations-
Pete: My mom says our trials get good ratings on Court DockeTV and the Sci-Fi channel.
Chloe: We spent so much time in court prosecuting bad guys, we got college credit at Harvard Law School.
Clark: We're all on first name basis with the county DA.
Religion
Smallville is mostly a Protestant town, although there are some Roman Catholics. The breakdown is: Protestant - 63%, Roman Catholic - 17%, Other Christian - 2%, Other religions - 15%, and Non-religious - 5%. The three largest Protestant denominations in Smallville are Baptist (16% of the total city population), Methodist (15%), and Lutheran (5%). There are 12 different religious centers in Smallville, from churches to shrines to synagogues.
o St. Michael Roman Catholic Church ~ Catholic
o Church of the New Revelation ~ Christian
o First Amalgamated Church ~ Scientology
o The Church of the Kawatchee ~ Kawatchee
o West Baptist Church ~ Protestant
o Midwestern Methodist Church ~ Protestant
o The Third Evangelical Church ~ Protestant
o Cal El Synagogue ~Judaism
o The First Shrine to Buddha, Smallville
o The Smallville Amish Church
o Smallville Pagans
o The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Smallville
Keen Observations-
Pete: I'm a Catholic, but I haven't exactly been to church lately.
Chloe: Irish Catholic here, but I'm sorta lapsed.
Clark: Hmm. I'm not too religious.
Chloe: But, I have faith in Clark. I don't lapse there.
Geography/Topography:
The town has a generally flat or undulating surface, but also has many different terrains. The rivers flow through bottom lands, varying from ¼ to 6 miles in width, and bounded by bluffs, rising 50 feet. Tributaries of the Missouri River create Shuster Lake.
Major Geographic Features:
Bodies of Water
o Elbow River is a river that runs through Smallville and is transversed by the infamous Smallville High-Traffic Re-Enforced Non-Historical Bridge.
o Hob's Pond is where Kryptonite meteors with a red vein were found and stones from that vein were substituted for rubies by the manufacturers of the Smallville High School class rings in 2004.
o Lemaris Pond is the pond that surrounds the Smallville Retirement Center, which is also full of meteor rocks.
o Shuster Lake, also known as "Crater Lake" from the sheer amount of meteorites that struck it
+LuthorCorp Marina at Shuster Lake
o Smallville Dam protects the Morley Reservoir.
o Swan's Pond is near an old church with a subterranean crypt, but the church was destroyed in 1989 by the Meteor Shower.
Caverns
o Kawatchee Caverns - located below Miller's Bend. In light of the petition drive to 'Save The Cave' led by the Kawatchee Tribe and Smallville High School, the state was depicted to exercise the Historic Artifacts Amendment, and buy LuthorCorp out at 20 cents on the dollar.
o Mystic Caverns
Fields and Pastures
o Chandler's Field is an area with a windmill outside of Smallville where Metropolis can be seen.
o Evan's Meadow is a large field in Smallville.
o Flander's Field is a small field in Smallville.
o Mayer-Goldwyn-Mayer's Field is a medium-sized field in Smallville.
o Miller's Field is a location in Smallville where Martha and Jonathan Kent wrecked their truck on the day of the 1989 Meteor Shower.
o Riley Field is the field near Smallville Fertilizer Plant #3 where the Smallville Crows traditionally place a fellow student as a Scarecrow. This is also the location where a young Lex Luthor was injured and rendered bald after a near-direct hit from a meteor during the Meteor Shower of 1989.
o Sacred Bone Meadow (adjacent to Pleasant Meadows)
Forests
o Burnham Woods is the wooded area surrounding the infamous Crater Lake.
o Miller's Bend - an area of land owned for thousands of years by the Native American tribe called the Kawatchee. It is located near the Kent farm. Lionel Luthor purchased the land and planned to build an office park.
o Rare Spotted Crow Habitat
o Smallville Wetlands
Gorges
o Carlton Gorge is the gorge in which contains an abundance of meteor rocks.
o Saunder's Gorge is the gorge in which Perry White jumped in order Clark Kent would save him.
o Tenderbelly Gorge is the deepest meteor strike in Smallville, and the place where Sasha Woodman was stung by over a thousand bees.
Mountains and Hills
o Mount Hill
o Highest and Lowest Elevations:
Mount Hill, elev. 3,613 ft.
Tenderbelly Gorge, elev. - 1,759 ft.
Other Locations
o Creekside Foundry is a disused building with a high Kryptonite content. Greg Arkin lived close to it and had a treehouse in which he, Clark Kent, and Pete Ross would play when they were in grade school. As freshmen, Clark Kent fought a meteor-infected Greg in the foundry and Greg was crushed under machinery.
Keen Observations-
Pete: In Smallville, we have mountains and valleys, forests and hills. We also get snow, rain, and sleet...
Chloe: Tornadoes.... I hate tornadoes.
Clark: Flooding.
Pete: Hail.
Chloe: But we do have Shuster Lake!
Pete: I heard of people skinny-dipping there.
Clark: Oh Really?
Chloe: No way. The water gets too cold at night to do that and it’s hard for me and Clark to find the right spot to do that!
Education:
Smallville is the location of three colleges: Smallville Community College, a junior college. SCC is jokingly called Smallville State and the athletic teams have the 'Fighting Cornstalks' for their mascot. Bovine University is trade school with an emphasis on cattle, and Smallville Heights Institute of Technology is a fully accredited college specializing in applied science, computing, engineering, and technology, thanks to generous funding by LuthorCorp, Wayne Enterprises, and Queen Industries. The public schools are well known for the high number of college bound students.
* Public Institutions
o Smallville High School, ninth through twelfth grade
o Ezra Jebediah Obadiah Small Elementary School, preschool through fifth grade
o Ezra Jebediah Obadiah Small Middle School, sixth through eighth grade
* Private Institutions
o Smallville Community College
o Bovine University
o Smallville Heights Institute of Technology
Keen Observations-
Pete: There's nothing funnier than rooting for a Cornstalk.
Clark: I'm not allowed to say Smallville Heights Institute of Technology the easy way
Chloe: Why? That just spells out - *busts out laughing*
* Town Ratings and Reputation:
o Tenth Most Dangerous City in America, National Survey
o 'America's Freakshow', Newsweek
o 'America's Meteor Target', TIME Magazine
o 'Weirdsville', The Torch HS newspaper article, written by Torch editor Chloe Sullivan
o 'America's Sorrow', Daily Planet article
o 'Freak City, U.S.A.', Drudge Report webblog
Keen Observations-
Chloe: The covers to those magazines can be seen on the "Wall of Weird" in the Torch newsroom, as well as the articles.
Clark: I feel bad about all the sadness that the town has suffered.
Chloe: Just think though, tenth most dangerous, but FIRST in cities where a person was saved by you.
Clark: Thanks Snuggle Bunny. You saying that made me feel good.
Chloe: You think that all I am going to do? Oh just wait until I turn off this microcassette recorder...
* Major Exports:
o Corn
o Hops, Barley, and other beer ingredients
o LuthorCorp Industries fertilizer, "Nature's Secret" brand
o Ross Brand Creamed Corn "The Creamiest Corn" - defunct
o Kent Farm Organic Produce
o Melville Nursery
o Woodman Co. "Queen Bee" Honey
o Chandler Cattle and Co.
o Gummi Meteor Rocks
Keen Observations-
Clark: Try my mom's muffins!
Pete: You don't have to tell me twice!
Chloe: That was just wrong on several levels, Pete.
* Major Districts:
o Downtown consists of the following sectors:
o Upper North Side
+ The Smallville Ledger is located here
o Lower East Side (Italian section)
o Main Street
+ The Talon is located here
o South Smallville
o East Smallville
o neighborhoods consists of the following sectors:
o Smallville Heights
o Pleasant Meadows (the right side of the railroad tracks)
+ 742 Evergreen Terrace (Chloe Sullivan)
o Cemetery district
o The Crow's Nest Neighborhood
o Skid Row (the wrong side of the railroad tracks)
o LuthorCorp Marina at Shuster Lake
Keen Observations-
Clark: Smallville certainly has a lot of neighborhoods! I never really noticed that since I am on the farm so much.
Chloe: With all new people moving to town because of all the major companies coming here....thats a chance for more weird stuff happening!
Pete: I just like the chances that there will be more girls to go out with on dates!
* Sanitation Services
o Smallville Sanitation Dept.
o Smallville Dump
+ Garbage Mountain
o Smallville Junkyard
Keen Observations-
Clark: Remember when we little and we used to climb Garbage Mountain?
Pete: Oh man! Yeah, and we used to take home treasures that were really stuff from the dump? We'd get so filthy.
Chloe: You two guys are sick.
* Utilities:
o Smallville Power Company
o Smallville Dam
o Smallville Water Tower A, B, C, and D
o Cable Television: LuthorCorp Cable, 69 channels
Keen Observations-
Clark: I think I stopped some of crisis at all the ulilities....
Chloe: For two successive weeks we stopped freaks trying to wreck them...at the dam then at the power company
Pete: And did they ever cut our bills? NO WAY!
* Health and Social Services:
o Smallville Medical Center with Chloe Sullivan Memorial Wing (for her many appearances at the emergency room)
o New Bedlam Rest Home and Mental Hospital - "We Have The Matlock Channel and Now Treat March Madness"
o Smallville Animal Hospital Shelter, and Dog Pound/Cat Corral
o Smallville Men's, Women's and Children's Shelter
o Smallville YMCA/YWCA
o Smallville City Morgue
Keen Observations-
Chloe: It's really embarrassing that I have a wing named after me...but I do have a frequent patient discount card!
* Minor Geographic Features (Streets and Addresses, Highways and Bridges)
o Hickory Lane (Kents)
o 742 Evergreen Terrace (Chloe Sullivan)
o Martin Luther King Boulevard (Pete Ross)
o 23 Pink Carnation Valley Road (Lana Lang)
o 1000 Mammon Lane (Lex Luthor)
o Main Street (The Talon)
o Walnut St (Smallville High School)
o Kltpzyxm Way
o 1 Ocean View Drive (Smallville Medical Center)
o Smallville Historical Bridge
o Smallville Non-Historical Bridge
o 9 Plympton Street (Smallville Elementary)
o Interstate 95
o 35 Smallville Bachelor Apts. (Sheriff Ethan in 5B)
o 4 Centre St. (Court)
o 35 Industry Way (LuthorCorp)
o Wilt Chamberlain Expressway
Keen Observations-
Clark: Smallville is paving new roads every year...
Pete: It wasn't too long ago that 90% of the streets were dirt...
Chloe: Guys, that was just ten years ago.
* Politics
o Democrat Party Headquarters
o Republican Party Headquarters
o Smallville Communist Party
o Smallville Green Party
o League of Extra-Ordinary Voters
o The Wheatcutters, a semi-secret society
o Smallville Valley P.T.A.
* Military
o Fort Small
+ comedian Bob Hope once canceled a show, riot followed
+ closed down
o Smallville Naval Reserve Base
o Area 51-A
* Crime Profile
o Weird things seem to happen in Smallville usually every Thursday
o People gain odd powers and abilities
o current authorities are helped to defeat these people by Clark Kent, Chloe Sullivan and friends
* Police Codes
o code 008: situation solved by "those meddlesome kids" (Clark Kent and Chloe Sullivan, with Pete Ross and Lana Lang at times)
o code 618-a: wanton destruction by a superhumanly powered person, contact those meddlesome kids
o code 341: weird stuff happening, repeat weird stuff happening
Keen Observations-
Clark: We have set the record for most citizen's arrests made, 2001-2004!
Pete: Most kids are age never see as much carnage as we have seen - -
Chloe: - - so far...
* Sports
o Smallville Meteors - Minor League Baseball Team
o Smallville Speedway and Equestrian Center
+ Monster Truck Rally with Truckasaurus
+ "Sunflower Stakes" Horse Race
o Smallville Cornholers - Female Softball Team
o Smallville High athletics, particularly the Crows Football Team
+ Annual Cornhusk Classic against the Grandville Giants
o Adult Women Hockey League
o Smallville Black Birds Peewee football team
o Children's Little League Baseball
o Children's Junior Wilt Chamberlain Basketball League
o Pleasant Meadows BASEketball League
o Smallville Dodgeball Association
o Lois Lanes Bowling League (Tuesdays and Thursdays)
Keen Observations-
Clark: You really would think that with a name like Smallville that there wouldn't be so much to do!
Pete: Overall, we have to do in our town than in Metropolis, per capita...
Chloe: Okay, fellas... let's not get carried away...
* Birthplace of:
Adults
o Jonathan Kent
o Nell Potter
o Sheriff Ethan Miller
o Deputy Sheriff Nancy Adams
o Henry Small
o Walt Arnold
o Earl Jenkins
o Kyle Tippet
o Geoff Johns
o Laura Potter - deceased
o Lewis Lang - deceased
High School Students
o Lana Lang
o Pete Ross
o Alicia Baker
o Jodi Melville
o Sasha Woodman
o Paul Chan
o Whitney Fordman
o Felice Chandler
o Abby Fine
o Tina Greer
o Van McNulty
o Byron Moore
o Ian Randall
o Sean Kelvin
o Cyrus Krupp
o Kevin Grandy
o Dawn Stiles
o Jeremy Creek - deceased
Children
o Maddie Van Horne
o Emily Dinsmore - deceased
o Ryan James - deceased
Enough of the boring details.... now Pete, Clark and Me get to the good stuff...
End Part One
Part Two:
http://the-satyr-icon.livejournal.com/139607.html
Points of Interest, Night Life, Where to Shop, Smallville Calendar, and Top 10 list!
Big Thanks to the Simpsons Guide to Springfield
The Satyr Icon