FIC: ST RPS -- Turnabout Intruder in My Pants (Epilogue)
Title: Turnabout Intruder in My Pants (Epilogue)
Author: the_deep_magic
Pairing: Pinto
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 830
Warnings: crack, overused fandom trope, willing suspension of disbelief (please?)
Disclaimer: so very, very untrue
Summary: bodyswap!fic
A/N: What was begun at Beanfest 2010 was concluded at Beanfest 2011, and shall be posted forthwith. If you would like to sing “Circle of Life,” I will not stop you
Monday / Tuesday / Wednesday / Thursday / Friday / Saturday / Sunday
Next Tuesday
Huddled in a back booth of a Chinese restaurant around the corner of 42nd and 11th, Corey carefully picks the onions out of his dish. “I ordered pepper steak. Did you not hear me order pepper steak? I thought I spoke clearly.”
“You did,” says Neal, and though Corey knows he’s just humoring him, he appreciates it.
“I did not order onion steak, nor did I order pepper and onion steak. Onions were clearly not part of the bargain.”
“Suck it up, Moose. Starving children in Ethiopia and all that.”
“They are welcome to my onions.”
The first hooded figure plops onto the booth next to Corey. “Aw, man, they give you onions with your pepper steak?” Chris asks, pulling the hood of his jacket back and unwrapping his scarf. “I friggin’ hate that.”
Corey tries not to let his relief show - that’s definitely Chris back in Chris’ body. He doesn’t know the specifics of when it happened, but he legitimately did not think it would take that long. He thought they’d end up in the same city within a day, confess their undying love for each other in three days, tops. Turns out they’re both a bit thick in the skull, Chris and Zach, and Corey’s timing… well, it could have been better.
It takes a few more minutes for the second hooded figure to arrive, and fortunately he doesn’t seem to have been followed by any giggling girls wearing, for some bizarre reason, stripes. Zach slides in next to Neal, and Corey immediately blurts, “Oh, apologies, we should have rearranged so the lovebirds could sit together.”
Chris gapes. “Wait, how the hell do you know about that?”
“I have my ways, Pine,” Corey says, waggling his eyebrows.
Zach sighs. “I told Neal. I assume Neal told Corey.”
“Neal is but one of my many ways.” Nope. Despite Corey’s little… experiment, it wasn’t until Neal called him that he’d known it had been a success. He’s not, like, a wizard or anything.
“Zach, I apologize,” says Neal. “I thought Moose could pull it together and not act like a twelve-year-old this time.”
Zach frowns. “Why would you think that?”
“It’s fine,” Chris says, placatingly. “I know you won’t go around blabbing.”
“See?” Corey says, vindicated. “Somebody trusts me.”
Neal sighs heavily and turns to Chris. “I’m glad you could make it to a show. And nurse Zach back to health. He’s the biggest baby when he’s sick. I can’t imagine what he was like after a whole week of it.”
Zach starts in, defensively, “Hey, I wasn’t-”
“Oh, he wasn’t so bad,” Chris says, flushing, and Corey has to stop himself from shaking his head in sadness. These guys are actors? Pitiful. But Neal doesn’t seem to suspect anything amiss, and Corey doesn’t plan on divulging that particular secret any time soon.
He might as well help them out and change the subject. “So, Chris, how much longer are you in town for?”
“I have to fly out in the morning,” he says, with a quick glance at Zach. “Preproduction on This Means War.”
“Then why are you sitting here wasting time with us?” Corey asks. He gestures with his chopsticks. “Go. Go forth and… well, for god’ s sake, don’t procreate, but enjoy yourselves.”
Zach groans and drops his forehead to the table, but Chris just reaches across the table and ruffles Zach’s hair. “We just wanted to stop by and say hello. So, ‘hello.’ Now we’re off.”
Corey watches as Zach tries to look annoyed with Chris and fails miserably, hitting “lovesick” pretty dead on. “I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow,” Zach says, pushing up from the table. Chris quickly follows, mutters a “goodbye,” then they’re both pulling their hoods back up and heading for the door.
Neal watches them go, then turns his attention back to his cashew chicken and shakes his head. “Jesus, they might as well just hold hands and skip out of here. They’re gonna get caught.”
“Neal, could you stop being a Grinch for five seconds and be happy for them? We’ve had to listen to Zach pining - if you’ll excuse the terrible pun - for years, and obviously Chris just needed a little push.”
Eyes narrowing in suspicion, Neal asks, “Why are you so pleased about this? It’s not like you had anything to do with it.”
“Didn’t I, Neal? Didn’t I?”
“Did you call up Chris and tell him Zach was in love with him.”
“No.”
“Did you convince Zach to confess his undying love for Chris?”
“Not exactly.”
Neal rolls his eyes. “’Not exactly.’ What does that even mean?”
“It means that sometimes people need a little… nudge in the right direction. The more unconventional the situation, the more unconventional the… nudge.”
“What are you talking about?”
Corey grins, leaning back proudly in his chair. “The O’Flannery brothers know about more than auto repair, Nealy boy. Much, much more.”
Neal rolls his eyes. “Whatever, Moose. Eat your pepper steak.”