M is for ...
The current LJ Idol theme is "Mother".
"Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children"
The above is one of my favorite quotes regarding Motherhood. It speaks of the way that things should be but unfortunately they rarely are that perfect.
So, yesterday was Mother's Day. It's a big party celebrating Motherhood which brings me to this question, "Am I really entitled to Celebrate Mother's Day?"
I'm sure that most of you are wondering why I would even ask such a question. I don't have any children and since my partner's child does not live with us and barely ever visits, I don't really qualify for step-motherhood either. However, what most of you don't know is that I have had a baby.
Right after my mother died and I was out on my own, I met a guy who seemed to be the most wonderful person in the world. We dated for a while and then lived together for a few years and were engaged to be married when his parents suddenly came in and packed him up and moved him to another state. To make matters worse, I found out the next day that I was pregnant.
I fully intended to keep the baby and raise it myself. However, I lost my job due to being pregnant and since I was white and well educated, I didn't qualify for any government aid so I became homeless. I ended up living on someone's floor for most of this period hiding from their landlady lest we both be thrown out for me staying there (even though nothing at all was happening between us - he was gay).
So long about my seventh month, I realized that I was in no way able to care for this child and that I needed to find someone who could. Therefore, I decided to enter into a private adoption. This meant that I was able to pick out the child's new parents and that all we had to do was have a lawyer draw up and file the paperwork and the whole thing was done.
I am greatly sorry to say that my first choice of parents failed to accept the terms. They were close friends of our family and had been trying to conceive or adopt for almost a decade. Unfortunately, they refused to believe that it was that easy and wouldn't even talk to their lawyer about it.
Luckily, one of the coworkers of the guy I was living with fit the bill perfectly. She had been trying to conceive for almost a decade and they had spent over $40,000 dollars in treatments but nothing worked. I interviewed them and their family and then I decided that they would be perfect parents so we all went to their lawyer's and got the paperwork in order.
When the big day arrived, she went with me to the hospital (along with my best friend and my mom's best friend) and was there throughout the entire long (36+ hours) delivery process. She even cut the cord.
Now everyone kept telling me that once I held the baby in my arms that I would change my mind and not be able to give her up. However, that was not the case. I had made my decision months before and never faltered one moment. She was an absolutely beautiful baby but when I held her, she didn't feel like she was mine.
Her birth was fourteen and a half years ago and while I think about her often and wonder how she's doing, I still do not regret my decision and am eagerly awaiting the notification that could come any day now that she wants to see me.
See, I have to constantly update the lawyer as to where I am so that should an emergency come up where I may be needed (illness requiring someone genetically related) they can find me. But this is also for her. She has been given pictures of me and letters from me and knows that she is adopted and that I chose her parents for her. She also knows that she may contact me whenever she likes and I will be there to answer any questions she may have.
With her teen years upon us, I full expect that call to come at any time.
So you see, I'm sort of a mother and sort of not. So, should I celebrate Mother's Day or not?
"Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children"
The above is one of my favorite quotes regarding Motherhood. It speaks of the way that things should be but unfortunately they rarely are that perfect.
So, yesterday was Mother's Day. It's a big party celebrating Motherhood which brings me to this question, "Am I really entitled to Celebrate Mother's Day?"
I'm sure that most of you are wondering why I would even ask such a question. I don't have any children and since my partner's child does not live with us and barely ever visits, I don't really qualify for step-motherhood either. However, what most of you don't know is that I have had a baby.
Right after my mother died and I was out on my own, I met a guy who seemed to be the most wonderful person in the world. We dated for a while and then lived together for a few years and were engaged to be married when his parents suddenly came in and packed him up and moved him to another state. To make matters worse, I found out the next day that I was pregnant.
I fully intended to keep the baby and raise it myself. However, I lost my job due to being pregnant and since I was white and well educated, I didn't qualify for any government aid so I became homeless. I ended up living on someone's floor for most of this period hiding from their landlady lest we both be thrown out for me staying there (even though nothing at all was happening between us - he was gay).
So long about my seventh month, I realized that I was in no way able to care for this child and that I needed to find someone who could. Therefore, I decided to enter into a private adoption. This meant that I was able to pick out the child's new parents and that all we had to do was have a lawyer draw up and file the paperwork and the whole thing was done.
I am greatly sorry to say that my first choice of parents failed to accept the terms. They were close friends of our family and had been trying to conceive or adopt for almost a decade. Unfortunately, they refused to believe that it was that easy and wouldn't even talk to their lawyer about it.
Luckily, one of the coworkers of the guy I was living with fit the bill perfectly. She had been trying to conceive for almost a decade and they had spent over $40,000 dollars in treatments but nothing worked. I interviewed them and their family and then I decided that they would be perfect parents so we all went to their lawyer's and got the paperwork in order.
When the big day arrived, she went with me to the hospital (along with my best friend and my mom's best friend) and was there throughout the entire long (36+ hours) delivery process. She even cut the cord.
Now everyone kept telling me that once I held the baby in my arms that I would change my mind and not be able to give her up. However, that was not the case. I had made my decision months before and never faltered one moment. She was an absolutely beautiful baby but when I held her, she didn't feel like she was mine.
Her birth was fourteen and a half years ago and while I think about her often and wonder how she's doing, I still do not regret my decision and am eagerly awaiting the notification that could come any day now that she wants to see me.
See, I have to constantly update the lawyer as to where I am so that should an emergency come up where I may be needed (illness requiring someone genetically related) they can find me. But this is also for her. She has been given pictures of me and letters from me and knows that she is adopted and that I chose her parents for her. She also knows that she may contact me whenever she likes and I will be there to answer any questions she may have.
With her teen years upon us, I full expect that call to come at any time.
So you see, I'm sort of a mother and sort of not. So, should I celebrate Mother's Day or not?