...when you're dreaming with a broken heart

[that_september]

 You know what? I seriously hate my life right now.

I know that I'm a lucky girl, ok? I do. I get it. I have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in and food to eat and money for important things like college and  people who love me and I'm not exactly dying, so life, really, is pretty goddamned good for me, right?

Then why doesn't it feel that

Comments

[tricky_fishy]

If you don't want anyone to read something, don't post it on your Livejournal. xD

It's just a suggestion, but maybe if you bothered checking your phone, you wouldn't feel so lonely. I personally know I send you about 30512035134057169375918235 text messages, and you never respond, so then I start freaking out because I think you've DIED or something, and so I call and still you don't answer, so I have like a mini breakdown and bite my nails off, then go write a story or talk to Legolas or something to get my mind off it before I send you 238510352734569 more text messages like, "OMGWTFANSWERMEYOUFUCKINGINVALID!!!"

xD

Maybe if you tried talking to people while you're going through this, you won't feel so unattached.

I love you. Even though you're ABANDONING me to go to college in Colorado. Jerk. I bite my thumb at you. No hugs for you.

Mwaha.

[that_september]

I posted it because I feel like I can't talk about it. Not that I don't appreciate people checking in on me...I just, like I said, can't seem to bring myself to really talk to anybody. Not even my parents, not my sister, not anyone. I can't ever really talk about anything when I have a problem--not for a while anyway--so. It's not really something about myself that I can change.

Or...I suppose I could change it somehow, but I don't know how. I don't know how to lean on people, K. I never have, not even when I was a little kid. It's just not in my nature. That's why I have all these secrets and take forver to admit things to people. I just don't know how to open up, and I know it's an issue, but what can I do? I'm scared of people using it to hurt me, you know?

[heartpause]

♥♥ You shouldn't have to feel guilty about anything. Migraines are something you can't control whatsoever, and if people aren't sympathetic toward you for it, then that's their own damn problem and they seriously need to get over it, because you're suffering so bad and I can't believe people would give you shit for that.

I really hope you feel better soon, I *know* and I *hate* being in that kinda rut myself. ((Sends as much virtual love as I can))

[that_september]

Thank you so much, I appreciate everything you've said here. I think deep down I know that, but it really does help to hear it sometimes. ♥

[that_september]

Yeah, I'd heard that. I actually do have TMJ, but I've been gettng these since I was little, since before I had anything wrong with my teeth....it might be something to look into though. Thank you so much for the advice!!

You made me smile, lol. *hugs* I miss you, Shadow.

[latethoughts]

Awwww, sweetie. ♥

1) Never ever feel as if you have to apologize for being all "woe is me" in your own journal. Sometimes, you just have to get your thoughts out, and a paper journal isn't good enough. I try not to be whiny in my LJ, too, but you know what? It's my journal. If you want to whine, whine. If people don't want to read it, they don't have to. Simple as that. ;)

2) I understand what you're going through more than you could possibly realize. I was so, so sick throughout high school - I missed most of my junior and senior year and had to graduate late because of it. My parents were just like yours - my mom would check in on me every so often, but my dad would lose it more often than not

[that_september]

Thank you so much for all of that....you can't imagine how much it helps to hear that.

You missed your own graduation? Oh my God, I'm so sorry. D: I can't even imagine. *hugs*

Meanwhile, I'm sitting there sobbing, because I was sick of him taking all of his frustration out on me. Like I wasn't upset about missing out on school and seeing my friends?

Yeah, EXACTLY. Who wants to lay in bed and feel like crap when you could be with your friends, or at least DOING something? I was nodding right along with that.

As for Imitrex, I've tried it. :\ It really didn't work, which is depressing, because I know it does for a lot of people. The latest drug the doctor's got me on is Fiouraset (I think I'm spelling that wrong), and I'm supposed to take Periactin to prevent it. I've done just about every migraine drug in the book...even steroids. Only a few things seem to help. D:

Thanks so much again. I'm the only person I know who misses as much school as I do, so it's refreshing to hear from someone who knows where I'm coming from.