'Can’t Stop My Heart from Calling You' [Nick Jonas/David Archuleta] [2/3]
Title: "Can’t Stop My Heart from Calling You"
Author: that_1_incident
Fandom: American Idol/Jonas Brothers
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Religious angst.
Pairing: David Archuleta/Nick Jonas
Word Count: ~27,500
Dedication: For Makinsey.
Summary: Nick Jonas is straight. Very much so. And David Archuleta’s Mormon, so… he sort of has to be. But when the two meet backstage at the 2008 Teen Choice Awards, they lay the foundation for an enduring connection that neither of them expects.
Disclaimer: Although 95% of this is accurate in terms of who was where on a particular date, the story itself is fiction. Title is a lyric from the Jonas Brothers song "Be Mine."
Author's Notes: See Part One.
Part One.
---<---<---@
It turns out David’s staying at a hotel in L.A. with his band before flying to Hartford early the next morning to rehearse with Demi. His local relatives all live too far away from the airport, and his mom’s flying straight back to Utah because David has even more siblings than Nick does and she doesn’t want to be away from them for too long. (Nick knows all of this because she tells him, at great length, and he nods politely whenever it feels appropriate.)
Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Jennette hovering, whispering to Miranda and looking like she’s waiting for the right moment to pull David aside. When he hears Miranda say movie theater, his hackles rise.
As soon as David breaks away from his Aunt Martha, Nick corners him. He can see Jennette glaring daggers in their direction, but pointedly turns his back on her as he tries not to feel too juvenile about asking David to sleep over. He fails spectacularly, but David doesn’t notice.
“Really?” David asks quietly, like the idea of Nick abruptly withdrawing the invitation is a very real possibility. Nick nods, reassuring him that LAX is pretty much a straight shot from the house once you get on the freeway, and he grins. “Well, sure!”
Nick feels something stir inside him, this overwhelming fondness coupled with an embarrassingly intense desire to ruffle David’s hair. Generally, he tries not to gloat, but when Jennette comes up and asks David to a movie only to get a sincerely apologetic rain check, he decides to make an exception.
--
It’s fun, hanging out in the privacy of his own home. Nick always picks the coffee houses they go to when David’s here for meetings, so he knows where’s cool with celebrities and where isn’t, but there’s nothing like having someone in your house, on your couch, giving you their full attention.
They talk about everything, from overzealous fans to their philosophies on love. David doesn’t think a lot of the latter, which kind of surprises Nick. He says he doesn’t get why people their age make someone else their everything, opening themselves up to the heartbreak that usually comes of teenage relationships.
“What if you’re both really mature, though?” Nick argues. “Or what if you’re one of those couples who start dating in high school and end up getting married?”
David furrows his brow. “I don’t know, I guess I just think there are more important things to focus on at this point in our lives, you know? Like school, or if you’re like us, your whole career.”
Nick can’t really argue with that. Sometimes he thinks he’d rather have followed the same path, just steered well clear of Miley and focused solely on his music. He kind of wishes the same for his brothers, although he doesn’t begrudge them their happiness. Just… he’s pretty sure Joe and Camilla are on the rocks, and when they inevitably break up during tour, Joe’s gonna be a mess. Meanwhile, Kevin’s thinking of proposing to Danielle, which is kind of cool but really scary, because Kevin is barely old enough to drink.
“Hey.” David taps his shoulder - just lightly - with a quizzical expression on his face. “Um, earth to Nick?”
Nick laughs. “Sorry. Just… I don’t know. I get what you’re trying to say but I can’t imagine never having the experiences I’ve had, you know? I think my writing would be way different, for a start.”
“Probably,” David says, and he looks kind of wistful for a second. “Well, I mean, I’ve liked people, I’ve just never, like. Seriously dated.”
Nick eyes him contemplatively.
“What?” David asks nervously, and he decides to just go for it.
“Is it true you’ve never kissed anyone?”
David blushes a deep shade of scarlet. “Um. Yeah. Yeah, it is.” He stares down at the couch’s upholstery, peeks up at Nick, and then looks down again. “I wish I’d never told anyone that. The magazines ask me about it all the time.”
Nick never thought he would actually do this, but the idea’s been niggling at him all night and now that David’s on the subject… He crosses his fingers behind his back, noticing that his palms are sweating, and tries his best to ignore the insistent pounding of his heart.
“Would you like to?”
--
“Um…”
The utterance dies on David’s lips as Nick leans in but stops just short, and they sit frozen for what’s probably only a couple of seconds but feels a hell of a lot longer. Nick can feel David’s quick exhalations against his skin, that’s how close they are, and the air around them is vibrating with a mixture of anticipation and fear.
David’s breathing shallowly, and when he meets Nick’s gaze, there’s apprehension in his eyes but also something else - something resembling tacit permission.
Nick takes a deep breath and presses his mouth to David’s.
David’s lips are dry and cool, and it takes a moment of stunned acclimation before he begins kissing back. David kisses like he does most things in life: slow and deliberate, and with intense focus. He’s quiet at first, but when Nick presses his tongue to the seam of David’s mouth, the other boy makes a sound at the back of his throat, then hesitates like he’s surprised by his own reaction.
Nick cups his hand against David’s cheek, stroking the corner of his jaw, and David slowly yields to him, breathlessly parting his lips so Nick can slip his tongue inside. David’s making small noises every couple of seconds now, like he didn’t expect kissing to feel this good. Very, very hesitantly, he lifts his hand from the couch cushion and brings it up to Nick’s back, pulling him forward - pulling him closer.
David’s kind of smushed against the arm of the couch now, Nick angled so he’s almost on top of him. David’s rubbing Nick’s back with these tiny, rhythmic motions that are thrown desperately off-kilter every time Nick kisses him deeper or does something new with his tongue.
Nick never meant it to get this far, not for either of them, and he’s actually kind of shocked that David didn’t freak out on him from the get-go. He’s trying really hard not to let the tightness in his pants get the best of him, but holding himself up above David like this is making his arms hurt, so he makes a snap decision to do something about it.
He kisses harder, capturing David’s bottom lip between his teeth, and effortlessly slides against him, pressing their bodies together. They grind in delicious harmony - David’s hard too, Nick can feel it - once, twice… and then David’s pawing at his shoulders, pushing him off frantically.
Nick blinks a couple of times and sits back on his haunches, awkwardly straddling David’s thighs. He takes a couple of deep breaths and tries his best to make himself settle down. His head feels heady with arousal and the pleasant, dreamy sensation that only comes from a really good kiss, so it takes him a second to realize what’s actually going on.
What’s going on is that David’s panicking. Like full-on, wide-eyed panic. His face is ashen, hands flailing all over the place (he’s actually wringing them at one point) and he keeps saying “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh” over and over again.
“David, are…” Nick’s voice is raspy with want as it catches in his throat. He swallows and continues, “Are you okay?”
David’s eyes snap up like he’d forgotten Nick was there.
“I have to… Get off me,” he snaps (snaps), and then he’s pushing Nick backwards with surprising force before jerking upright and jumping away from the couch like he’s been burned.
“David…?” Nick reaches out to touch his hand, placate him somehow, but David slaps it away and buttons the top of his shirt with shaking hands. “Look, we don’t have to do that again if you-”
“I have to go,” David says sharply, not looking Nick in the eyes as he shrugs on his hoodie and reaches into his pocket for his phone.
“But…” Nick sounds plaintive even to his own ears. “David, I drove you here, how are you going to -”
“I’ll handle it,” David tells him roughly, gaze flickering up momentarily before dropping to the screen of his phone. “Don’t follow me out.”
All Nick can do is sit numbly on the stupid couch as David hurries out of the room, his phone to his ear. Just before the door slams shut, he hears David say “Kendra?” in this small, scared voice that sounds like he’s about to cry.
--
Nick goes upstairs and watches from the window until David leaves, because whatever the hell just happened doesn’t mean he wants David to be standing out there in the dark, all alone. His view’s at an awkward angle and there’s a tree in the way, but he can see enough of David to tell that the other boy’s pretty messed up. He keeps wiping at his eyes and cheeks, pacing back and forth and checking his watch every couple of minutes.
Nick watches the upstairs security monitor numbly, buzzing in David’s ride when it comes. He doubts David even considered the house’s security measures, but Nick’s not about to stop him if he really wants to leave. A few seconds later, a car comes screeching up - all skittering gravel, very James Bond - and a slim, blonde woman jumps out and runs over to him, activating the light on one of the motion-based sensors at the side of the building. Nick thinks he recognizes her as a member of David’s band. He can see her face better than David’s; she seems to be trying to coax him into explaining what happened, but Nick guesses David must be too messed up to get any sense out of because after a moment, she just opens her arms and holds him.
Nick can see David’s shoulders heaving all the way from the second floor before the woman smoothes his hair and guides him gently to the car, making sure he gets in okay before walking around to the driver’s side. While she’s doing that, David looks out of the window. Even in the semi-darkness, his face looks puffy and red from crying, and Nick ducks to avoid being seen.
He doesn’t stand up again until he hears the screech of brakes in the driveway, and when he finally peers out, David and the car are both gone.
--
When Nick does something wrong, he can’t rest until he fixes it. It’s why he’s the best in the family at sports, plays the most instruments and sings and writes songs. When Nick Jonas tries, he gets results, which is why this whole David thing is so puzzling. He almost texts David the day after, then resolves to give him all the space he needs, then almost texts him again ten minutes later, then changes his mind and texts Selena. He’s kind of ridiculously worried, and he’s trying to keep it together as best he can in front of the family, but Joe keeps shooting him these sidelong glances that make it obvious he knows something’s up.
Joe’s behaving differently in other ways too, stepping up his comedic antics until they’re guaranteed to garner at least a wan smile, and making an extra effort to engage Nick in everything he’s doing. He even invites Nick to watch Bridget Jones with him and Kevin the night before they leave for Texas, which is gracious because that’s kind of their thing, and Nick declines but says he appreciates it.
--
What’s dumb is that even though it only happened once, the dearth of touching David - kissing David - lodges itself inside Nick as a deep ache, a cavernous hole where something lost had once resided. There are kinesthetic memories hardwired into his fingertips, his lips, and if he focuses on them for too long his stomach starts to flip.
He ends up watching the last three-quarters of Bridget Jones.
--
So they fly to Dallas and start their tour, and a day later, Demi kicks off hers. She’s friends with all the brothers, but she and Joe are especially close, and Nick’s constantly tempted to have Joe ask how David is but can never quite bring himself to open his mouth. He thinks maybe he’s better off not knowing.
Nick always throws himself into performing, but this time around, he steps it up to a new level. It’s a safe way to get his frustrations out, pouring everything into the music. He’s just glad no one can tell if his tears during A Little Bit Longer are actually about his diabetes. His dad pats him on the back every night and tells him to keep doing what he’s doing, but Joe and Kevin are concerned about him, Nick can tell. After several unsuccessful attempts at broaching the subject, Joe finally corners him in their hotel room in… Nick thinks Illinois. The states start to blur together after a while. He’s torn between wanting to tell Joe everything’s fine or just pour out the whole story, but the way Joe’s looking at him suggests the former isn’t really an option.
“It’s just, um.” He shrugs offhandedly, summoning the mock casualness that’s served him so well with difficult interviewers asking personal questions. “It’s nothing big.”
Joe nods slowly. “You lie like a cheap rug, Nicholas Jerry.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re lying. To your own brother.” Joe clutches his heart dramatically and falls backwards onto one of the beds. “I am wounded.”
Nick sits down on the other bed and rolls his eyes, used to Joe’s shenanigans. “Okay, for real, it’s… it’s not nothing, but it’ll work out.”
Joe hangs off the side of the bed and eyes Nick upside-down, which is rather disconcerting. “Is it girl trouble, Nicky? Because I am wise in the ways of the ladies.” He winks, and Nick snorts.
“No, it’s not girl trouble. Well. Kind of. Not really.”
“Is it boy trouble?” Joe asks, not seriously, and Nick only breaks eye contact for a second but that’s long enough. There’s a short, shocked silence and then Joe’s pulling himself upright, looking incredulous. “…Oh my God.”
Nick gets the irrational impulse to go on the defensive, but he bites his lip and stays silent.
“Wait, really? Who is it?”
“Look, it wasn’t anything, okay, nothing even really happened.” Joe looks unconvinced so he continues, “It’s not like it was something that was ever gonna go anywhere, you know, because it couldn’t. And neither of us ever really took the time to think about it because if we had we would’ve realized it’s -”
“David Archuleta,” Joe interrupts matter-of-factly. “It’s totally David Archuleta.”
Nick debates who to choose out of the fifty-odd guys he’d rather say it is than David Archuleta, but Joe’s expression shows he already knows he’s right. Nick puts his head in his hands.
“Damn it.”
He can’t deal with the way Joe’s looking at him, half stunned and half hurt, with a drop of disbelief mixed in like he’s waiting for the punchline.
Neither of them speaks for about ten seconds - definitely the longest ten seconds of Nick’s life - until finally Joe says his name in as serious a voice as Nick’s ever heard him use. Nick peeks through his hands.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
And, God, Nick really doesn’t want to deal with this right now. It’s bad enough he and David aren’t talking, and now Joe expects him to spill the whole sorry story of something so personal he didn’t even want his brothers to know about it.
When he doesn’t answer, Joe takes a deep breath and says quietly, “I didn’t even know you were gay.”
“I’m not gay,” Nick explodes, and Joe looks so startled that he instantly feels bad for yelling. He reins himself in, mentally chastising himself. “I’m sorry, Joe, it’s just. I’m not, okay?”
“Okay…” Joe echoes slowly, sounding lost. “Then what was…” He stops, then asks tentatively, “Is?”
Nick laughs hollowly. “I don’t know. Was, I guess. I don’t know. It was just him, Joe, okay. I don’t like guys. It’s just… him.”
“He’s special?”
“Yeah.” Nick lets out a long, measured breath. “Yeah, he is.”
Joe still looks completely confused, and Nick supposes he can’t blame him. It’s hard to explain something to someone when you don’t have all the answers yourself.
“So, um,” Joe continues cautiously. “What happened?”
Nick runs his fingers through his hair and exhales, staring back down at the floor. “It was stupid. We were never even together, we just talked a lot and then we kissed and he freaked out.” He waits for his brother to say something, and when Joe doesn’t, he looks up. “What?”
Joe has a weird look on his face. “You kissed?”
“Yeah,” he replies, and his voice has an edge to it. “You got a problem with that?”
Joe’s eyes widen. “God, Nick, of course not. Come on, I’m your brother, I just. I don’t know how to deal with this, you know? You’ve gotta give me some time to process it all.”
“…Okay,” Nick says guardedly. “Just. Don’t tell Mom and Dad, yeah?”
It’s not like either of them really thought Joe would, but he promises not to anyway, reaching out across the gap between the beds. “You wanna shake on it?”
They haven’t done this since Nick was about nine and their mother hammered out a treaty over Valentine’s candy, but Nick takes Joe’s hand anyway, grasping it firmly. He feels a bit better after that.
--
Ever since the really awkward web chat during which Joe said Twatter live to thousands of fans across the world and Nick and Kevin laughed so hard they had to duck away from the camera, the brothers have taken a perverse pleasure in tuning in to their Disney contemporaries’ web chats, watching for embarrassing moments that could upstage their own. As of yet, they’re still waiting, but somewhere around the middle of July, Joe announces that he has high hopes for the Demi chat scheduled later that day.
It doesn’t occur to either of them that Demi might ask David to join her until she beckons him into the frame, at which point Nick suddenly feels like he wants to throw up.
--
David burbles rather charmingly about Pokémon and this other Japanese thing called Totoro that Nick hasn’t heard of, and he bursts into song a lot and Demi calls him Mack Daddy because all the girls in the chat are going crazy over him. Demi tries to crack jokes, things Joe and Nick would find hilarious, but they sail right over David’s head as he rambles on to a new topic.
God, he’s just. He’s so precious. Nick wants to wrap him up and shield him from all the bad things that happen in the world, protect his upbeat innocence from ever being tainted. He wonders how David’s managed to stay that way in this business - in this day and age, even. He wonders how he let himself chip a part of that away.
Onscreen, David starts singing the whoa-oh-oh part of Single Ladies, and Nick kind of wants to cry.
--
The chat takes place the night the brothers have to travel to Boston for the next show, so everyone’s bummed at having to leave their friends and family behind in Jersey. Nick supposes he should be grateful for that, as it makes his already deflated mood less noticeable. They’re taking the bus this time because Boston’s only like four hours north, and Joe and Kevin curl up on the couch in the living area to watch A Walk to Remember together. They only crack that one out when they’re feeling really maudlin, which means Nick should probably go sit with them and pretend not to notice when Joe starts sniffling (Kevin cries at the drop of a hat, and as a result is mostly ignored for it) but he just really can’t be around people right now. He goes to the back of the bus, lies on his bunk fully clothed, and stares up at the ceiling.
“You should probably text him,” comes a voice from outside his privacy curtain, and Nick jumps sky high.
Joe pushes the curtain aside with an easy familiarity, and Nick glares at him as he tries to calm his racing heart.
“Could you warn me next time?”
“Yeah, definitely,” Joe says flippantly, raising a fist and pretending to rap on the fabric. “I’ll make sure to knock.”
Nick huffs and rolls over, facing away from his brother. Joe means well, but.
“I really wanna be by myself right now, okay? Go watch your movie.”
“Nicky…” Joe sighs, then pokes him in the back. Nick squirms. “Why don’t you just text him or something? He’ll reply if he wants to and if he doesn’t, he won’t.”
Nick scowls at the wall. “He’s not going to.”
“What, want to reply? How do you know?”
He rolls his eyes. “Because if he did, he would’ve made the first move.”
Joe’s quiet for a few seconds, so Nick turns his head. To his surprise, Joe is smirking.
“Exactly what about this is funny to you?” Nick demands, and he’s just… he’s in a really bad mood, okay, he just wants to be left alone.
Joe leans forward and swings his legs up onto the bunk, pressing his body against Nick’s back. “You’re such a girl,” he whispers next to Nick’s ear, close enough for Nick to feel his brother’s breath on his cheek.
“Get off me,” Nick grumbles, elbowing Joe in the ribs, but his heart’s not in it and Joe can tell.
Joe curls around him for a few minutes, letting him lie silently, which he appreciates. Kevin thinks it’s weird they still do this (although he’s a complete hypocrite because he totally cries into Joe’s shoulder every time they watch practically any movie ever), but it’s innocent, a throwback from a childhood before tour buses and private jets and a plethora of hotel rooms that all look the same. When Nick and Joe were just Nick and Joe and one of them had a bad day, they’d huddle together in their little bedroom in Wyckoff and let the quiet put things back where they were supposed to be.
“I think maybe he thinks he upset you,” Joe murmurs after a while, and Nick shifts his weight with a sigh. “He seems like a nice kid, Nick. I’m sure he didn’t stop talking to you to punish you. I bet he thinks you’re mad he stormed off like that.”
“He only did it because I scared him.”
“I think he scared himself.”
Nick growls a little, frustrated. “Yeah, but I put him into that situation. It’s still me he has feelings for. I’d be really mad at me if I were him, just for messing everything up.”
“Then apologize,” Joe says simply.
Nick has nothing to say to that.
--
Nick wrestles with what he wants to do about this for like, ever. His head is a whirlwind, and he pulls out his phone and stares at the screen, lying in the darkness until long after Joe has gone back to his movie.
He’s not sure how he wants to word it, going back and forth over whether to address the actual issue or stay away from specifics. In the end, he taps out a simple I’m sorry on the keypad, closes his eyes, and presses Send.
--
He’s not sure what he’s expecting in return - maybe nothing at all - but it certainly isn’t a prompt Me too. Thanks, haha. Nick pinches the bridge of his nose and starts typing a reply, then figures this is really more of a phone conversation. David picks up on the first ring.
“Hey,” Nick says cautiously, a question mark in his voice. As much as he’s been going over this in his head the past few weeks, suddenly he has no idea where to begin.
“Um…” David starts, then trails off, then continues, “So how is your tour going?”
“Good,” Nick says numbly, and David kind of laughs like he doesn’t believe him. Stupid David, with his lame habit of laughing when he’s nervous. God, Nick likes him so much. “How’s yours?”
David doesn’t answer immediately, and Nick’s wondering if he should say something else or just wait, but then David breaks the silence.
“I really missed you,” he admits, tone hushed like he’s telling a secret.
Nick’s throat goes dry as something twinges inside him, a persistent memory.
“I missed you too.”
--
So it turns out David’s, like, extremely Mormon. Nick doesn’t know a lot about the religion, but what he’s heard in the past sounds pretty intense: no alcohol or tobacco - okay, that’s something Nick can get behind - but no caffeine either, and they don’t believe in wearing the cross as a sign of their faith, which Nick thinks is weird. As far as he can gather from David, doing anything with another guy is intensely frowned upon - not that Nick’s own denomination is exactly accepting of that kind of stuff, but David sounds really scared about it.
“But like, the priest or whoever would just have you do a bunch of Mormon Hail Marys as penance or something, right?” Nick asks. “And promise never to do it again?”
David laughs, but it’s abrupt and sad, the furthest from his usual bubbly giggle that Nick could ever imagine. “No, Nick. I wouldn’t be able to take the sacrament for a while or use the priesthood, which means everyone would know I’d done something wrong, and I’d have to have like a bunch of meetings with the bishop about choosing the right -”
Nick holds up his hand even though David can’t see it, because David’s voice is getting high and panicky. “I get it,” he says somberly. “It’s serious.”
--
Nick will admit there are a few seconds he wants to take the stupid Book of Mormon and crack it over Joseph stupid Smith’s stupid head for making David feel so awful about this, but he doesn’t think David would appreciate that sentiment, so he tries to push the feelings out of his mind and focus on what the other boy is saying.
“So, like. It’s not that, um. I didn’t…” David sighs like he’s frustrated with himself, then pours out the words in a big rush: “likewhatwedid, but. I just - it’s not… it’s really bad for me to do it.”
Nick bites his lip. “Yeah,” he murmurs. He can’t be mad at David. He gets it. There were moments with Miley when he’d considered throwing it all away, letting himself kiss below her neck, lay his hands all over her body, but his sense of responsibility to God had always weighed too heavy in the form of a band of silver on his finger. He’s glad for that now.
“But, um,” David continues, voice shaking slightly. “It made me realize you weren’t the first guy I’ve wanted to do that with.”
“…What do you mean?” Nick asks cautiously, because he really wasn’t expecting David to say that, then the realization hits him like a ton of bricks. “Do you think you might be…?”
“Yeah,” David whispers miserably.
Nick puts his head in his hands.
--
Neither of them is really sure what to say after that. David gets quiet, as if vocalizing his fear had made everything real, and Nick is absolutely at a loss for how to comfort him.
“I guess, um,” David begins finally, his voice husky and tense, “maybe I should think about this for a while. Figure out what to do.”
“I’m sorry,” Nick says helplessly.
David sighs. “It’s not your fault.”
--
The night of the first show in Boston, David’s in L.A., so they’re basically as far apart as they can get without one of them leaving the country. Despite the three-hour difference, they get offstage at more or less the same time because David’s the opening act. Nick’s not sure if David will answer his phone but he does almost immediately, and they chat about nothing of importance until Nick bites his lip during a lull in conversation and says, “If you think it’d be easier to get over this if we stop talking, I’m okay with that.”
The silence on the other end of the line drags on for so long Nick thinks they might have been disconnected.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” David replies, his voice kind of wobbly. “Um. No, I… oh my gosh, Nick, I don’t think I could.”
It’s the sudden rush of relief that tips Nick off. It’s no secret that he likes having David in his life, but the fact that he was willing to sever their connection if it was in David’s best interests makes him realize how much he cares. That when it comes down to it, he’s more concerned about David than he is about himself.
“Okay,” Nick responds belatedly, then laughs at himself and says, “Good.” He thinks David lets out a small sigh of relief.
--
They don’t really talk about it after that. Nick assumes that David’s commitment to his religion has pretty much made the decision for them, and this is probably the safest way to go regardless. It’s hard enough to keep something going when you’re this age and famous and on the move so much that sometimes you wake up and forget which continent you’re on, even if you’re not both guys. He and Miley learned that the hard way.
Nick tells himself it’s for the best over and over again as he and his brothers travel clear across the country, playing to shrieking arenas almost every night. By the time they hit Los Angeles, he’s starting to believe it.
--
Demi’s tour finishes about a week and a half before the Jonas Brothers’, which reminds Nick of when David was on the Idol tour, except their scheduling was the other way around. Nick feels a lot better about it this time around, and that’s probably because it feels more like a break than an ending. They’re flying off to Canada to shoot Camp Rock 2 with Demi in September, then it’s off to Latin America for another few shows, followed by Europe again in November. It makes him tired just thinking about it, but he knows that’s what their break is for. He feels ready for it this time. It’s been a weird few months, with David and everything. He just needs to chill.
--
Evidently Demi also needs to chill, because she cuts her tour short with three dates to go, rescheduling them to October. It all happens really quickly, too. Like, Nick knows it’s her first gig as a headliner, but jeez. One day she’s calling Joe to whine about how she’s not getting enough vacation time, and the next David’s calling Nick to quietly freak out.
“I just… I know it’s not my fault but I just feel really bad, you know? Like, some of my fans are kind of crazy - in a good way, like, I have totally awesome fans - but they fly out to places to see me and stuff, so like, what about their hotel plans?”
Nick would be charmed by how adorable David’s being if he weren’t so miffed at Demi. He Googles the whole debacle because he doesn’t feel like asking her himself, and there are various rumors circulating about how she’s like, injured or something, or has a “scheduling conflict,” which is complete BS. Halfway through searching, her tweet about wanting a longer break comes up from a few days before and he frowns, setting his jaw in a firm line. He loves Demi, he does, and they’re more or less the same age, so he probably isn’t qualified to say this but he just thinks she needs to grow up a little, is all.
“I’m really sorry,” he tells David honestly. “Um… so what are you doing this weekend now that your shows have been postponed?
He’s an awful person for even thinking what he’s thinking right now, especially since he spent the better part of a month talking himself out of everything, and it’s a complete shot in the dark but he’s willing to chance it. He can feel his heart rate spike as the idea comes together in his head, and he’s not sure what that means about himself, nor the feelings he really should be trying to quash.
“Oh, um, well…” David laughs nervously like he’s kind of figured out where Nick is going with this, but he rolls with it anyway. “On Sunday I’m doing this, like, meet and greet thing in Providence for the people who won the chance to eat breakfast with me?”
He sounds so genuinely confused by the idea that anybody would want to do that - much less enter a competition for it - that Nick almost bursts out laughing.
“Uh-huh,” he says instead, trying his best to sound encouraging. “What about after that? Like after the tour would’ve ended?”
“Um…” David thinks for a second. “Oh, I’m going to Alaska to do a show at a state fair, which is going to be totally cool because I’ve never been there, and then I’m going back home to Utah for a bit, and then L.A. for some writing. I’m really excited about Alaska, though. Like, not just because I’ve never been there and I always like going to new places, but it looks really cool with all the, like, glaciers and stuff? Not that I don’t like L.A., but. Gosh, I hope Alaska’s not too cold.”
Nick shakes his head. David rambles with the best of them, and it’s really kind of adorable.
“What are your plans?” David asks politely, then catches himself and says, “Oh, right, touring. Haha.”
“Yeah,” Nick says drolly, “but then we’re going on break to shoot Camp Rock 2 in Canada. Not until the middle of September, but. We get some time off for that.”
“Oh my gosh, really?!” David exclaims, and he sounds so excited that Nick can’t help but smile. “My little sister loves that movie! Wow, I didn’t even know there was going to be a sequel. She’ll be so excited!”
“Maybe I could meet her sometime,” Nick suggests, and he never does this, never uses his fame to curry favor because it gives him an unfair advantage that sort of makes him feel sick, but he just… he feels like he has something to make up to David still. If he has to play the Nick-Jonas-of-the-Jonas-Brothers card once in a while - well, that’s a small price to pay. And yeah, if he’s honest, maybe a tiny part of him wants to see where David lives, the gray stone house on the secluded cul-de-sac described to Nick over a crackling phone line in the dead of night from a bunk on a tour bus in the middle of God knows where.
“That would be really neat,” David tells him, a smile in his voice, and Nick grins.
--
It turns out that two weeks into filming, David’s going to be singing the National Anthem at the Women’s U.S. Open in New York - which, as Nick casually points out, is less than a two-hour flight from Toronto.
“Oh, really?” David asks politely after Nick informs him, like he’s not quite sure how this is relevant. “That’s cool. So we’ll be, like, pretty near each other and stuff.”
“Yeah,” Nick replies, rolling his eyes at David’s obliviousness. “What are you doing after that? Staying in New York, or?”
“Um, I was gonna just fly back to Utah to spend some more time with my family, and then my mom and I are going to the ALMA Awards in L.A. on the 17th.” He pauses. “You’ll still be filming, right?”
“Yeah,” Nick says again. “Uh, listen… you wanna come hang out for a few days in between?”
David’s quiet for a second. “Come to Toronto?” he asks finally.
“No, to Mars.”
“Oh.” David pauses again, and Nick waits for him to get it. “How - haha. Of course to Toronto. Um…”
Nick holds his breath. Things have been better between them recently - they’ve been working on their friendship, trying to leave the other stuff behind - but he still isn’t really expecting David to say yes. After all, feeling comfortable with someone in person is a lot different than chatting over the phone.
“Yeah,” David says, and you could knock Nick over with a feather. “Okay, sure!”
--
Even though Nick talks to David more than anyone else except his brothers, he doesn’t realize how much he missed the other boy until he sees him. It’s like the entire time he’s been in Toronto has just been one big countdown to now. David’s hair is different - a little longer - and it looks like all the exercise he keeps talking about is paying off. He just… he looks really good. Nick would’ve loved to go inside and meet him, but a Jonas Brother at Arrivals would probably cause a minor stampede, so he’s forced to sit in the car and wait for David to approach with the driver.
“Heyyy!” David exclaims as he clambers onto the back seat, eyes dancing. Nick wants to reach out and wrap his arms around him, only he’s not sure if that’s okay to do anymore so he decides to just act casual. But when David pulls him into a one-armed hug, murmuring “It’s been so long - how are you?” into his ear, he forgets about playing it cool and holds on tight for just a second too long.
--
The movie isn’t actually being filmed in Toronto, although the cast does hang out there on the weekends. Camp Wanakita is up in Haliburton, this backwoods county more than two hours from the airport that’s filled with lakes and trees, and Nick and David talk the whole way there. Nick’s surprised at how effortless it is, given the fact that the last time they saw each other, David couldn’t wait to get away. He wonders how David compartmentalizes it all in his head, letting their easy platonic chemistry flow so freely without his thoughts ever straying towards anything more. Nick kind of wants to ask for tips.
--
When they first got here, Joe and Frankie begged for days to be allowed to sleep in one of the camp cabins, with Kevin firmly opposed and Nick playing Switzerland. Although their father put his foot down, he did manage to find a local hotel that was the best of both worlds. It’s a small place - family-run, homely - looking out onto the lake, the smell of evergreens permeating the air around it. Nick’s not a nature guy, not like Joe, who climbs trees and takes hikes and spends every waking minute exploring the hilly terrain around L.A. whenever their schedule lets up, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate their surroundings. It’s nice, coming out here. It’s him and Joe and Kevin and Demi in their own personal bubble out in the woods, and now David’s here too and it’s just… it’s nice.
--
David’s room is right opposite Nick’s (which Nick really didn't plan, it's just a fortuitous coincidence), so after he unpacks, he comes padding across the hall in his socks to watch a movie.
“We do this a lot on tour,” he says, gesturing to the screen, and Nick grins.
“Us too. Well, mostly Joe and Kevin. They have this weird thing for chick flicks.”
David smiles Nick’s favorite kind of smile, this wide-eyed confusion that blossoms into gentle, delighted amusement, and Nick can’t even breathe for a second, he feels so fluttery inside.
“Like what?”
“Oh, man… anything,” Nick tells him, leaning back against the edge of the bed. They’re on the floor, knees tucked up to their chins. Nick doesn’t think he’s done this with anyone since he was like seven, but David sat right down as soon as the movie started, so he followed suit without a thought. “Like… I don’t know, they’ve been obsessed with 27 Dresses for a while, and before that it was P.S. I Love You, except that makes Kevin cry for like an hour so now they’re banned from watching it on the bus.”
David giggles. “I liked 27 Dresses,” he says shyly, and if it were anyone else, Nick would’ve teased them, but it’s David, so he wouldn’t dream of it.
“I did too,” Nick admits.
--
David hangs out on set the next day, and it’s so fun having him there. Nick’s really glad he came. David and Demi are still awkward around each other despite touring for the whole entire summer, but Demi’s fond of him, Nick can tell. Everyone seems to like him, actually, and Joe in particular seems almost as charmed as Nick is. He pulls Nick aside as they break for lunch and whispers “I like him, Nicholas!” with this wide, knowing smirk that Nick just can’t get mad at.
“Shut up,” Nick hisses, feeling the heat rush to his face. “He’s right there.”
Frankie really takes a shine to David too, following him around and badgering him about this and that. When he finds out David likes Pokémon, all bets are off. Frankie has like five different decks of cards for all the dueling games Nick was too busy with music to really get into when he was a kid, but David is apparently the Pokémon master. He’s also not bad at Yu-Gi-Oh! and would like to learn Bakugan, which means he’s Frankie’s new favorite person by default.
Meaghan and Chloe seem quite taken with David as well, albeit in an entirely different way. They’re pretty chill girls usually, easy to work with and totally down-to-earth, but whenever David’s around, they’re instantly reduced to little more than breathy laughter. Nick finds it intriguing, the change in them. At least he’s not that obvious.
They eat lunch with the rest of the cast on the first day, but on the second, Joe dispatches them to sit on the dock with some sandwiches (“Don’t ask questions, Nicholas!”), so they roll up their pant legs and dip their toes in the water, and everything feels almost as perfect as it could be. David has hair on his legs, dark and coarse, and this fascinates Nick for some reason. He’s so boyish otherwise, looks younger than Nick even though he’s two years older. It’s funny, the dichotomy of it all. David seems to have no idea that he’s legitimately attractive but he is, he really is, and Nick’s not just saying that because he’s biased, he swears. David’s toned in all the right places, his slim frame perfectly accentuated by lean muscle, and he has these glossy dark eyes and a smile that’ll make your heart skip a beat. He’s a catch. Nick thinks about how David shies away, shaking his head and laughing embarrassedly whenever someone tells him so. He wishes he could just say You know, you’re really cute, the way he can to a girl. He wishes he could say a lot of things.
He’s shaken out of his reverie by the soft splash of water against his calf. David grins impishly and he feels his mouth twist into a wry, incredulous smirk, raising his eyebrows as if to ask, Did you really just do that? David giggles - doesn’t laugh, giggles, and Nick is so far gone over this kid that it’s not even funny.
Nick splashes him back, except he must not know his own strength because the water crests like a miniature tidal wave over David’s ankles, soaking the cuffs of his jeans. David sits in shock for a moment, and Nick’s just about to apologize when the other boy looks up, eyes gleaming with shy mischief, and kicks his foot into the water. A spray of droplets fans upward, coating Nick from head to toe.
And, okay, the hair and makeup lady is probably going to kill him for this, but Nick doesn’t care all that much as he leans down to splash back, really going for it this time. He intercepts David, who is bending to retaliate, and they tussle briefly, Nick grabbing David's wrists. The expression on David’s face changes and Nick instantly lets go.
“What’s wrong?”
David moves his head like he’s trying to shake his thoughts loose. “Nothing, I.” He pastes a smile onto his face, one of the fake ones he does for the cameras, weirdly stretched out and deer-in-the-headlights. Nick frowns at him. He hates that smile.
“What,” he says again with no inflection at the end, studying David’s face carefully. David keeps meeting his eyes and then looking away.
“I, um,” he begins, staring firmly down at the lake. “When you, um. Touched me. It felt like something…”
“Sparked,” Nick finishes, and David reddens as instantly as if someone had flipped a switch.
“Yeah,” he admits, looking at his hands. Nick stays quiet. David opens his mouth, shuts it again, takes a breath and says quietly, “I think about what happened sometimes.”
“Me too,” Nick murmurs, and, God, if David only knew.
David lifts his eyes, his expression so… something. Hopeful, almost, in spite of himself. Nick holds his gaze.
“Like. I’m not sure if I actually feel that way about you or if it was just… you know. Because of what we, um.”
A small, painful knot forms in Nick’s stomach. “You mean like maybe it was only because I was your first kiss?”
David winces a little just hearing the word, and Nick would be lying if he said that didn’t hurt him. The kiss was good - maybe the best he’s had - charged with just the right amount of tension, their chemistry and mutual desire blending with the sense of doing something forbidden, which only made it hotter. David must have felt that too, he just knows it.
“Would you feel better if you knew everything you felt had nothing to do with me at all?” he asks softly, and David stares at him for a second, then bites his lip and nods fervently. “…Would you like to try it again?”
“Um.” David huffs out a laugh, raising his eyebrows at Nick. “Look, if you think that’s going to convince me…”
Nick holds up his hands. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing right now, he’s just going on instinct, and the nerves prickle through his skin like a chill. “Hear me out, okay? The reason you’re so messed up over this is ‘cause you think you have feelings for me, right?”
“Maybe,” David murmurs, blushing, and Nick fights the pleased tingle that the affirmation elicits.
“But you think it might just have been because I was your first.”
David hesitates before nodding again.
“So the only way to prove that it really was about the kiss and not me is to try it again when you’re more prepared for it.”
David looks skeptical, and yeah, part of Nick just really wants to kiss him again, but there’s another part that actually believes the theory. Maybe this’ll fix things for David. Maybe the other boy will talk himself into not feeling anything the second time and go on his merry way, reassured. Sure, Nick will be torn up about it, but that can’t be as bad as seeing David like this, wracked with guilt and confusion because of something he initiated. And even if it does go the way David wants it to, at least Nick will get to kiss him goodbye.
--
David says he needs to think about it, which is fair, so Nick decides to give him some space. He rolls down his pant legs and moseys back over to the picnic area, where most of the cast and crew are taking their lunch break. Nick can tell Joe knows something’s wrong as soon as he looks up.
“You okay?” Joe asks under his breath, sliding along the bench to give Nick room, but they can’t talk here, not with Frankie and their mom sitting right across the table.
“Fine,” Nick says tersely, very conscious of being watched. His stomach is churning. “I’ll tell you about it later.”
Joe looks at him steadily and then nods.
--
When David pads across the hall that night to whisper his consent, Nick has mixed emotions. He’s happy because he’d built the kiss into a resolution of sorts in his head one way or the other, but at the same time, he’s sad, because the fact David agreed in the first place shows how desperate he is for it all to become a non-issue.
“Did you, uh. Just wanna do it now?” David asks, looking miserable. He’s sitting cross-legged by the foot of the bed, and this isn’t how any of it is supposed to go.
“While you’re like this?” Nick asks incredulously. He’s pacing back and forth by the doorway because his nerves are too shot for him to sit. “While I’m like this?”
He holds out his hands, palms downwards, so David can see that he’s shaking a bit, and yeah, part of that is from being too out of whack to eat this afternoon but he really is stressed out about everything.
David widens his eyes and looks at him sadly. “I’m really sorry.”
Nick sighs deeply, sitting down in front of David and resting his chin in his hands. “Don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
He knows David kissed back, that it wasn’t all him and they wouldn’t be in this predicament if it had been, but he can’t bear for David to beat himself up any more than he already is.
David nods unhappily, like he can see what Nick’s trying to do. “Shall we just do it, then? Like, if we’re going to? Just to, you know, get it over with.”
Nick’s kind of regretting the whole thing now, if David’s going to be like this about it.
“What?” David asks, seeing his frown.
“Just...” Nick sighs again and tries to deflect how much he’s hurting with a wry, self-deprecating smile. “I didn’t realize I was that bad of a kisser.”
“Oh, you’re not,” David assures him just a shade too quickly, then clamps his mouth shut and dips his head in an attempt to hide his blush. “Oh, gosh.”
“Jeez,” Nick says, rolling his eyes, and David looks up and offers him a sheepish smile.
“I really am sorry.”
“I know you are.”
Nick reaches out and puts his hand on top of David’s, which makes the other boy flinch until he realizes Nick isn’t going to go any further. Nick can’t even put into words how much he misses the easy comfort of that day in California when he was able to touch David’s face without him caring.
“You need to figure out whether you really want to do this, okay, and if you do, then we’ll take it from there. You’re not leaving for a few more days. Just think about it, yeah?”
“Okay,” David says softly.
Nick hates this.
--
They’re hanging out in Nick’s trailer when it happens. It’s the day before David’s due to leave, and he brought over his copy of Guitar Hero. He’s actually really good - like, good enough to give Joe a run for his money, which isn’t easy. Nick sucks as much as he always does, but he doesn’t mind losing (well… not much) because David takes care to remind him approximately every five seconds that he can play real guitar which is so much cooler.
Nick gets 26 percent on Barracuda while David gets an even 90, despite spending most of the time alternately cracking up at Nick’s abject failure and apologizing for laughing.
“Um… well, you hit more than a quarter of the notes?” David says timidly when their scores come up. Nick just looks at him. “…Okay, perhaps you need some more practice. But, you know, at least you can play -”
“Guitar for real, I know.” Nick smiles. “Besides, if I have to lose to anyone, I want it to be you.”
David blushes. “Aw… thanks,” he says awkwardly, putting his controller down on the table and gesturing to the TV. “You know, I think Allison from this year’s Idol is doing that song on tour.”
“Barracuda?”
David nods. Nick wouldn’t know. He didn’t watch Idol at all this year, really - and yeah, he’s been busy, but mostly it’s because David wasn’t there to draw his interest.
“Man, it’s crazy that it’s been a whole year since you were on that tour,” he says contemplatively. “Which means - jeez, we’ve known each other that long, too.”
David’s eyes widen. “Oh my gosh, how did… how did that happen?”
“I don’t know, man,” Nick says, laughing. “I’m glad it did, though.”
David eyes him like he’s trying to gauge what he means by that. Nick looks back, the picture of innocence, so David smiles tentatively and says, “Me too.”
“You know…” Nick begins, dropping onto the couch and folding his arms casually behind his head, “I was kind of awestruck that day we first met backstage at the TCAs. I don’t know how obvious it was, but.” He shrugs.
“Awestruck of me?” David asks incredulously. “I mean… for me? Over me?” He shakes his head. “Why?!”
It’s Nick’s turn to blush, and wow, he really needs to get a hold of himself. “Why is that so hard to believe?”
“You’re, like… a Jonas Brother.”
“Yeah, and you’re, like, David Archuleta.”
David rolls his eyes and leans down to punch Nick gently in the shoulder - something he does around Nick now, something Nick taught him, and if Nick feels a little burst of pride in his chest every time it happens… well, there’s nothing he can do about that.
Nick laughs and grabs David’s arm as the other boy goes to pull away, and David looks at him uncertainly.
“Come sit,” Nick tells him, thumping the space beside him on the couch. David eyes him appraisingly, then kind of nods to himself and obliges.
“So next time we’re both in L.A.,” Nick begins, and David leans over and kisses him.
--
It feels a lot different than last time. Nick isn’t at all in control, for starters. He kind of figured he’d know if David wanted to try something, but this comes as a complete shock. David’s more insistent now, mouth pressing against Nick’s like he needs something and Nick is the only person who can give it to him. His teeth catch Nick’s bottom lip and Nick groans, feeling the arousal already beginning to pool below his stomach as David claims the hollows of his mouth, places no guy is ever meant to know. They’re sitting pretty close as it is, but Nick shifts to accommodate David further and David paws at his hip, scrabbling for something to hold onto.
Nick grins into the kiss and smoothes his palm across David’s cheek. He loves when David gets like this - intense, focused, casting off his usual principled self control. Their tongues duel for dominance, David making these little whimpering sounds like he loves it, like he can’t believe how good it still feels the second time around. Nick doesn’t realize he’s unconsciously sliding his legs apart until David’s pressed right against his cock.
He arches his back, pushing against David, and he won’t let it go any further, he won’t, he just needs this friction right now, this contact. David grunts when he realizes what Nick’s doing, and Nick holds his breath for a second because he thinks David’s going to pull away, but he doesn’t. They rut against each other slowly, David making these funny gasping sounds every time his erection brushes Nick’s and, God, Nick wants to make him come so badly, if only to know what that sounds like.
He breaks off the kiss because he’s scared David won’t.
--
They just sit there for a second, gazing at each other with their chests both heaving. David’s eyes are bright and his cheeks are stained with pink, his plump lips parted as he breathes in shallowly. Nick wants to kiss the fuck out of him.
He reaches out to grab David’s shoulder and tentatively guides the boy back towards him, pressing their mouths together gently. There’s no fire behind it, and he’s hoping David will respond in kind because he really doesn’t want to stop doing this yet, but if they can’t slow down, he’s going to have to. He wants to go further more than anything (more than anything, maybe ever), but he can’t let them do that to their relationship. He can’t let David do that to himself.
He lays his hand on David’s back, anchoring the boy against him, and David relaxes under his touch like he knows what Nick’s trying to do and appreciates it. Nick feels the change in him, the familiar tension that comes with what you want being at odds with the rules. David must have picked up on the fact that if he tries something, he can’t count on Nick to refuse.
--
They manage to keep a better hold on themselves after that, with one or both of them slowing things down every time they get too heated. Nick’s not even sure how they’re managing this right now. His dick has been throbbing in his jeans for a while now, and David’s own hardness is jutting insistently into his thigh. He thinks he could come just like this, if David lets him. A few well-placed thrusts and he’d be gone.
He pulls away and buries his face in David’s shoulder, trembling and breathless.
--
David just holds him after that, stroking the back of his neck until they both get their hearts to stop hammering. Nick tries to anchor himself in the moment, not wanting to think about what will happen after they have to break apart. David’s never going to talk to Nick again, is he. And Nick wouldn’t blame him. They almost… God, they almost…
“Are you okay?” David asks softly from somewhere above him. His voice is rough, hoarse.
“You feel it for real, don’t you?” Nick asks after a beat, voice muffled against the fabric of David’s shirt. He never knew something could make him feel so thrilled and so sick all at once.
He feels the fight go out of David’s body.
“Yeah,” David says quietly. “I really do.”
--
Nick’s scared David’s going to walk out on him after that, just go back to the hotel, pack his bags and leave early for Los Angeles, but David doesn’t show any indication of wanting to move. He cradles Nick on the couch for a while and Nick feels kind of stupid because, hello, he’s not the one whose whole entire world is crashing down around him right now, but David seems oddly calm. Neither of them speaks for a long time - David is quiet, and Nick doesn’t want to break the silence - but David cards his fingers through the hair at the nape of Nick’s neck, and eventually, he starts humming. Nick can’t tell what the song is, even though he knows he vaguely recognizes it.
“At church,” David says suddenly, softly, “they teach us that it’s okay to have feelings like this as long as we don’t act on them.”
Nick waits.
“Like, because they can’t stop anyone from having them. They recognize that. But they just say to keep them as thoughts and not turn them into anything more.”
“I guess we…” Nick begins, trailing off when he realizes his voice doesn’t even sound like himself. He swallows and his throat feels like sandpaper. “I guess we kind of screwed up, then, didn’t we?”
David’s silent for a long time, and Nick’s waiting for him to get up and leave. He wishes David would just get it over with. When David pulls away a little bit, he thinks Here we go, but it’s only so the other boy can look him in the eyes. Nick wants to turn his head away when he sees the expression on David’s face. Conflicted doesn’t even begin to cover it.
“We can’t do this again,” David says haltingly, looking like it hurts him to say it.
“I know.”
“But I think I…” David lifts his thumb to the curve of Nick’s jaw, a question in his eyes, and Nick nods almost imperceptibly. He doesn’t even want to breathe for fear of shattering the moment. David traces the lines of Nick’s face, up and then down again, like Nick’s this precious object that should be handled with care. “I really like you, Nick, and, um. I’m sorry if that makes everything harder, but I really wanted to say it. You know? And I still want - I don’t want to stop talking to you or anything, and I’ve been thinking about it and I guess this will always be here, like, between us, but I need to try to… you know? For my faith.”
He looks so anguished, and Nick just… he wants to make it all go away. He can honestly say this is the first time in his life that he wishes he were born a girl. It would have made everything so much easier.
“I get it,” he says quietly, and some of the pain clears in David’s eyes. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself anyway if I pulled you away from that.” He almost believes what he's saying as he concludes, “I get that your religion is important to you.”
“So are you,” David says sadly. “I still really want to be, um, friends.”
Nick reaches up and presses his palm to David’s hand, which is curled in a loose fist but opens at his touch. He twines their fingers together.
“I’ll try my best, okay?”
David nods, brushing their mouths lightly together. Nick feels a shiver run right through his body as David whispers against his lips, “Me too.”
---<---<---@
Part Three.
Author: that_1_incident
Fandom: American Idol/Jonas Brothers
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Religious angst.
Pairing: David Archuleta/Nick Jonas
Word Count: ~27,500
Dedication: For Makinsey.
Summary: Nick Jonas is straight. Very much so. And David Archuleta’s Mormon, so… he sort of has to be. But when the two meet backstage at the 2008 Teen Choice Awards, they lay the foundation for an enduring connection that neither of them expects.
Disclaimer: Although 95% of this is accurate in terms of who was where on a particular date, the story itself is fiction. Title is a lyric from the Jonas Brothers song "Be Mine."
Author's Notes: See Part One.
Part One.
---<---<---@
It turns out David’s staying at a hotel in L.A. with his band before flying to Hartford early the next morning to rehearse with Demi. His local relatives all live too far away from the airport, and his mom’s flying straight back to Utah because David has even more siblings than Nick does and she doesn’t want to be away from them for too long. (Nick knows all of this because she tells him, at great length, and he nods politely whenever it feels appropriate.)
Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Jennette hovering, whispering to Miranda and looking like she’s waiting for the right moment to pull David aside. When he hears Miranda say movie theater, his hackles rise.
As soon as David breaks away from his Aunt Martha, Nick corners him. He can see Jennette glaring daggers in their direction, but pointedly turns his back on her as he tries not to feel too juvenile about asking David to sleep over. He fails spectacularly, but David doesn’t notice.
“Really?” David asks quietly, like the idea of Nick abruptly withdrawing the invitation is a very real possibility. Nick nods, reassuring him that LAX is pretty much a straight shot from the house once you get on the freeway, and he grins. “Well, sure!”
Nick feels something stir inside him, this overwhelming fondness coupled with an embarrassingly intense desire to ruffle David’s hair. Generally, he tries not to gloat, but when Jennette comes up and asks David to a movie only to get a sincerely apologetic rain check, he decides to make an exception.
--
It’s fun, hanging out in the privacy of his own home. Nick always picks the coffee houses they go to when David’s here for meetings, so he knows where’s cool with celebrities and where isn’t, but there’s nothing like having someone in your house, on your couch, giving you their full attention.
They talk about everything, from overzealous fans to their philosophies on love. David doesn’t think a lot of the latter, which kind of surprises Nick. He says he doesn’t get why people their age make someone else their everything, opening themselves up to the heartbreak that usually comes of teenage relationships.
“What if you’re both really mature, though?” Nick argues. “Or what if you’re one of those couples who start dating in high school and end up getting married?”
David furrows his brow. “I don’t know, I guess I just think there are more important things to focus on at this point in our lives, you know? Like school, or if you’re like us, your whole career.”
Nick can’t really argue with that. Sometimes he thinks he’d rather have followed the same path, just steered well clear of Miley and focused solely on his music. He kind of wishes the same for his brothers, although he doesn’t begrudge them their happiness. Just… he’s pretty sure Joe and Camilla are on the rocks, and when they inevitably break up during tour, Joe’s gonna be a mess. Meanwhile, Kevin’s thinking of proposing to Danielle, which is kind of cool but really scary, because Kevin is barely old enough to drink.
“Hey.” David taps his shoulder - just lightly - with a quizzical expression on his face. “Um, earth to Nick?”
Nick laughs. “Sorry. Just… I don’t know. I get what you’re trying to say but I can’t imagine never having the experiences I’ve had, you know? I think my writing would be way different, for a start.”
“Probably,” David says, and he looks kind of wistful for a second. “Well, I mean, I’ve liked people, I’ve just never, like. Seriously dated.”
Nick eyes him contemplatively.
“What?” David asks nervously, and he decides to just go for it.
“Is it true you’ve never kissed anyone?”
David blushes a deep shade of scarlet. “Um. Yeah. Yeah, it is.” He stares down at the couch’s upholstery, peeks up at Nick, and then looks down again. “I wish I’d never told anyone that. The magazines ask me about it all the time.”
Nick never thought he would actually do this, but the idea’s been niggling at him all night and now that David’s on the subject… He crosses his fingers behind his back, noticing that his palms are sweating, and tries his best to ignore the insistent pounding of his heart.
“Would you like to?”
--
“Um…”
The utterance dies on David’s lips as Nick leans in but stops just short, and they sit frozen for what’s probably only a couple of seconds but feels a hell of a lot longer. Nick can feel David’s quick exhalations against his skin, that’s how close they are, and the air around them is vibrating with a mixture of anticipation and fear.
David’s breathing shallowly, and when he meets Nick’s gaze, there’s apprehension in his eyes but also something else - something resembling tacit permission.
Nick takes a deep breath and presses his mouth to David’s.
David’s lips are dry and cool, and it takes a moment of stunned acclimation before he begins kissing back. David kisses like he does most things in life: slow and deliberate, and with intense focus. He’s quiet at first, but when Nick presses his tongue to the seam of David’s mouth, the other boy makes a sound at the back of his throat, then hesitates like he’s surprised by his own reaction.
Nick cups his hand against David’s cheek, stroking the corner of his jaw, and David slowly yields to him, breathlessly parting his lips so Nick can slip his tongue inside. David’s making small noises every couple of seconds now, like he didn’t expect kissing to feel this good. Very, very hesitantly, he lifts his hand from the couch cushion and brings it up to Nick’s back, pulling him forward - pulling him closer.
David’s kind of smushed against the arm of the couch now, Nick angled so he’s almost on top of him. David’s rubbing Nick’s back with these tiny, rhythmic motions that are thrown desperately off-kilter every time Nick kisses him deeper or does something new with his tongue.
Nick never meant it to get this far, not for either of them, and he’s actually kind of shocked that David didn’t freak out on him from the get-go. He’s trying really hard not to let the tightness in his pants get the best of him, but holding himself up above David like this is making his arms hurt, so he makes a snap decision to do something about it.
He kisses harder, capturing David’s bottom lip between his teeth, and effortlessly slides against him, pressing their bodies together. They grind in delicious harmony - David’s hard too, Nick can feel it - once, twice… and then David’s pawing at his shoulders, pushing him off frantically.
Nick blinks a couple of times and sits back on his haunches, awkwardly straddling David’s thighs. He takes a couple of deep breaths and tries his best to make himself settle down. His head feels heady with arousal and the pleasant, dreamy sensation that only comes from a really good kiss, so it takes him a second to realize what’s actually going on.
What’s going on is that David’s panicking. Like full-on, wide-eyed panic. His face is ashen, hands flailing all over the place (he’s actually wringing them at one point) and he keeps saying “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh” over and over again.
“David, are…” Nick’s voice is raspy with want as it catches in his throat. He swallows and continues, “Are you okay?”
David’s eyes snap up like he’d forgotten Nick was there.
“I have to… Get off me,” he snaps (snaps), and then he’s pushing Nick backwards with surprising force before jerking upright and jumping away from the couch like he’s been burned.
“David…?” Nick reaches out to touch his hand, placate him somehow, but David slaps it away and buttons the top of his shirt with shaking hands. “Look, we don’t have to do that again if you-”
“I have to go,” David says sharply, not looking Nick in the eyes as he shrugs on his hoodie and reaches into his pocket for his phone.
“But…” Nick sounds plaintive even to his own ears. “David, I drove you here, how are you going to -”
“I’ll handle it,” David tells him roughly, gaze flickering up momentarily before dropping to the screen of his phone. “Don’t follow me out.”
All Nick can do is sit numbly on the stupid couch as David hurries out of the room, his phone to his ear. Just before the door slams shut, he hears David say “Kendra?” in this small, scared voice that sounds like he’s about to cry.
--
Nick goes upstairs and watches from the window until David leaves, because whatever the hell just happened doesn’t mean he wants David to be standing out there in the dark, all alone. His view’s at an awkward angle and there’s a tree in the way, but he can see enough of David to tell that the other boy’s pretty messed up. He keeps wiping at his eyes and cheeks, pacing back and forth and checking his watch every couple of minutes.
Nick watches the upstairs security monitor numbly, buzzing in David’s ride when it comes. He doubts David even considered the house’s security measures, but Nick’s not about to stop him if he really wants to leave. A few seconds later, a car comes screeching up - all skittering gravel, very James Bond - and a slim, blonde woman jumps out and runs over to him, activating the light on one of the motion-based sensors at the side of the building. Nick thinks he recognizes her as a member of David’s band. He can see her face better than David’s; she seems to be trying to coax him into explaining what happened, but Nick guesses David must be too messed up to get any sense out of because after a moment, she just opens her arms and holds him.
Nick can see David’s shoulders heaving all the way from the second floor before the woman smoothes his hair and guides him gently to the car, making sure he gets in okay before walking around to the driver’s side. While she’s doing that, David looks out of the window. Even in the semi-darkness, his face looks puffy and red from crying, and Nick ducks to avoid being seen.
He doesn’t stand up again until he hears the screech of brakes in the driveway, and when he finally peers out, David and the car are both gone.
--
When Nick does something wrong, he can’t rest until he fixes it. It’s why he’s the best in the family at sports, plays the most instruments and sings and writes songs. When Nick Jonas tries, he gets results, which is why this whole David thing is so puzzling. He almost texts David the day after, then resolves to give him all the space he needs, then almost texts him again ten minutes later, then changes his mind and texts Selena. He’s kind of ridiculously worried, and he’s trying to keep it together as best he can in front of the family, but Joe keeps shooting him these sidelong glances that make it obvious he knows something’s up.
Joe’s behaving differently in other ways too, stepping up his comedic antics until they’re guaranteed to garner at least a wan smile, and making an extra effort to engage Nick in everything he’s doing. He even invites Nick to watch Bridget Jones with him and Kevin the night before they leave for Texas, which is gracious because that’s kind of their thing, and Nick declines but says he appreciates it.
--
What’s dumb is that even though it only happened once, the dearth of touching David - kissing David - lodges itself inside Nick as a deep ache, a cavernous hole where something lost had once resided. There are kinesthetic memories hardwired into his fingertips, his lips, and if he focuses on them for too long his stomach starts to flip.
He ends up watching the last three-quarters of Bridget Jones.
--
So they fly to Dallas and start their tour, and a day later, Demi kicks off hers. She’s friends with all the brothers, but she and Joe are especially close, and Nick’s constantly tempted to have Joe ask how David is but can never quite bring himself to open his mouth. He thinks maybe he’s better off not knowing.
Nick always throws himself into performing, but this time around, he steps it up to a new level. It’s a safe way to get his frustrations out, pouring everything into the music. He’s just glad no one can tell if his tears during A Little Bit Longer are actually about his diabetes. His dad pats him on the back every night and tells him to keep doing what he’s doing, but Joe and Kevin are concerned about him, Nick can tell. After several unsuccessful attempts at broaching the subject, Joe finally corners him in their hotel room in… Nick thinks Illinois. The states start to blur together after a while. He’s torn between wanting to tell Joe everything’s fine or just pour out the whole story, but the way Joe’s looking at him suggests the former isn’t really an option.
“It’s just, um.” He shrugs offhandedly, summoning the mock casualness that’s served him so well with difficult interviewers asking personal questions. “It’s nothing big.”
Joe nods slowly. “You lie like a cheap rug, Nicholas Jerry.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re lying. To your own brother.” Joe clutches his heart dramatically and falls backwards onto one of the beds. “I am wounded.”
Nick sits down on the other bed and rolls his eyes, used to Joe’s shenanigans. “Okay, for real, it’s… it’s not nothing, but it’ll work out.”
Joe hangs off the side of the bed and eyes Nick upside-down, which is rather disconcerting. “Is it girl trouble, Nicky? Because I am wise in the ways of the ladies.” He winks, and Nick snorts.
“No, it’s not girl trouble. Well. Kind of. Not really.”
“Is it boy trouble?” Joe asks, not seriously, and Nick only breaks eye contact for a second but that’s long enough. There’s a short, shocked silence and then Joe’s pulling himself upright, looking incredulous. “…Oh my God.”
Nick gets the irrational impulse to go on the defensive, but he bites his lip and stays silent.
“Wait, really? Who is it?”
“Look, it wasn’t anything, okay, nothing even really happened.” Joe looks unconvinced so he continues, “It’s not like it was something that was ever gonna go anywhere, you know, because it couldn’t. And neither of us ever really took the time to think about it because if we had we would’ve realized it’s -”
“David Archuleta,” Joe interrupts matter-of-factly. “It’s totally David Archuleta.”
Nick debates who to choose out of the fifty-odd guys he’d rather say it is than David Archuleta, but Joe’s expression shows he already knows he’s right. Nick puts his head in his hands.
“Damn it.”
He can’t deal with the way Joe’s looking at him, half stunned and half hurt, with a drop of disbelief mixed in like he’s waiting for the punchline.
Neither of them speaks for about ten seconds - definitely the longest ten seconds of Nick’s life - until finally Joe says his name in as serious a voice as Nick’s ever heard him use. Nick peeks through his hands.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
And, God, Nick really doesn’t want to deal with this right now. It’s bad enough he and David aren’t talking, and now Joe expects him to spill the whole sorry story of something so personal he didn’t even want his brothers to know about it.
When he doesn’t answer, Joe takes a deep breath and says quietly, “I didn’t even know you were gay.”
“I’m not gay,” Nick explodes, and Joe looks so startled that he instantly feels bad for yelling. He reins himself in, mentally chastising himself. “I’m sorry, Joe, it’s just. I’m not, okay?”
“Okay…” Joe echoes slowly, sounding lost. “Then what was…” He stops, then asks tentatively, “Is?”
Nick laughs hollowly. “I don’t know. Was, I guess. I don’t know. It was just him, Joe, okay. I don’t like guys. It’s just… him.”
“He’s special?”
“Yeah.” Nick lets out a long, measured breath. “Yeah, he is.”
Joe still looks completely confused, and Nick supposes he can’t blame him. It’s hard to explain something to someone when you don’t have all the answers yourself.
“So, um,” Joe continues cautiously. “What happened?”
Nick runs his fingers through his hair and exhales, staring back down at the floor. “It was stupid. We were never even together, we just talked a lot and then we kissed and he freaked out.” He waits for his brother to say something, and when Joe doesn’t, he looks up. “What?”
Joe has a weird look on his face. “You kissed?”
“Yeah,” he replies, and his voice has an edge to it. “You got a problem with that?”
Joe’s eyes widen. “God, Nick, of course not. Come on, I’m your brother, I just. I don’t know how to deal with this, you know? You’ve gotta give me some time to process it all.”
“…Okay,” Nick says guardedly. “Just. Don’t tell Mom and Dad, yeah?”
It’s not like either of them really thought Joe would, but he promises not to anyway, reaching out across the gap between the beds. “You wanna shake on it?”
They haven’t done this since Nick was about nine and their mother hammered out a treaty over Valentine’s candy, but Nick takes Joe’s hand anyway, grasping it firmly. He feels a bit better after that.
--
Ever since the really awkward web chat during which Joe said Twatter live to thousands of fans across the world and Nick and Kevin laughed so hard they had to duck away from the camera, the brothers have taken a perverse pleasure in tuning in to their Disney contemporaries’ web chats, watching for embarrassing moments that could upstage their own. As of yet, they’re still waiting, but somewhere around the middle of July, Joe announces that he has high hopes for the Demi chat scheduled later that day.
It doesn’t occur to either of them that Demi might ask David to join her until she beckons him into the frame, at which point Nick suddenly feels like he wants to throw up.
--
David burbles rather charmingly about Pokémon and this other Japanese thing called Totoro that Nick hasn’t heard of, and he bursts into song a lot and Demi calls him Mack Daddy because all the girls in the chat are going crazy over him. Demi tries to crack jokes, things Joe and Nick would find hilarious, but they sail right over David’s head as he rambles on to a new topic.
God, he’s just. He’s so precious. Nick wants to wrap him up and shield him from all the bad things that happen in the world, protect his upbeat innocence from ever being tainted. He wonders how David’s managed to stay that way in this business - in this day and age, even. He wonders how he let himself chip a part of that away.
Onscreen, David starts singing the whoa-oh-oh part of Single Ladies, and Nick kind of wants to cry.
--
The chat takes place the night the brothers have to travel to Boston for the next show, so everyone’s bummed at having to leave their friends and family behind in Jersey. Nick supposes he should be grateful for that, as it makes his already deflated mood less noticeable. They’re taking the bus this time because Boston’s only like four hours north, and Joe and Kevin curl up on the couch in the living area to watch A Walk to Remember together. They only crack that one out when they’re feeling really maudlin, which means Nick should probably go sit with them and pretend not to notice when Joe starts sniffling (Kevin cries at the drop of a hat, and as a result is mostly ignored for it) but he just really can’t be around people right now. He goes to the back of the bus, lies on his bunk fully clothed, and stares up at the ceiling.
“You should probably text him,” comes a voice from outside his privacy curtain, and Nick jumps sky high.
Joe pushes the curtain aside with an easy familiarity, and Nick glares at him as he tries to calm his racing heart.
“Could you warn me next time?”
“Yeah, definitely,” Joe says flippantly, raising a fist and pretending to rap on the fabric. “I’ll make sure to knock.”
Nick huffs and rolls over, facing away from his brother. Joe means well, but.
“I really wanna be by myself right now, okay? Go watch your movie.”
“Nicky…” Joe sighs, then pokes him in the back. Nick squirms. “Why don’t you just text him or something? He’ll reply if he wants to and if he doesn’t, he won’t.”
Nick scowls at the wall. “He’s not going to.”
“What, want to reply? How do you know?”
He rolls his eyes. “Because if he did, he would’ve made the first move.”
Joe’s quiet for a few seconds, so Nick turns his head. To his surprise, Joe is smirking.
“Exactly what about this is funny to you?” Nick demands, and he’s just… he’s in a really bad mood, okay, he just wants to be left alone.
Joe leans forward and swings his legs up onto the bunk, pressing his body against Nick’s back. “You’re such a girl,” he whispers next to Nick’s ear, close enough for Nick to feel his brother’s breath on his cheek.
“Get off me,” Nick grumbles, elbowing Joe in the ribs, but his heart’s not in it and Joe can tell.
Joe curls around him for a few minutes, letting him lie silently, which he appreciates. Kevin thinks it’s weird they still do this (although he’s a complete hypocrite because he totally cries into Joe’s shoulder every time they watch practically any movie ever), but it’s innocent, a throwback from a childhood before tour buses and private jets and a plethora of hotel rooms that all look the same. When Nick and Joe were just Nick and Joe and one of them had a bad day, they’d huddle together in their little bedroom in Wyckoff and let the quiet put things back where they were supposed to be.
“I think maybe he thinks he upset you,” Joe murmurs after a while, and Nick shifts his weight with a sigh. “He seems like a nice kid, Nick. I’m sure he didn’t stop talking to you to punish you. I bet he thinks you’re mad he stormed off like that.”
“He only did it because I scared him.”
“I think he scared himself.”
Nick growls a little, frustrated. “Yeah, but I put him into that situation. It’s still me he has feelings for. I’d be really mad at me if I were him, just for messing everything up.”
“Then apologize,” Joe says simply.
Nick has nothing to say to that.
--
Nick wrestles with what he wants to do about this for like, ever. His head is a whirlwind, and he pulls out his phone and stares at the screen, lying in the darkness until long after Joe has gone back to his movie.
He’s not sure how he wants to word it, going back and forth over whether to address the actual issue or stay away from specifics. In the end, he taps out a simple I’m sorry on the keypad, closes his eyes, and presses Send.
--
He’s not sure what he’s expecting in return - maybe nothing at all - but it certainly isn’t a prompt Me too. Thanks, haha. Nick pinches the bridge of his nose and starts typing a reply, then figures this is really more of a phone conversation. David picks up on the first ring.
“Hey,” Nick says cautiously, a question mark in his voice. As much as he’s been going over this in his head the past few weeks, suddenly he has no idea where to begin.
“Um…” David starts, then trails off, then continues, “So how is your tour going?”
“Good,” Nick says numbly, and David kind of laughs like he doesn’t believe him. Stupid David, with his lame habit of laughing when he’s nervous. God, Nick likes him so much. “How’s yours?”
David doesn’t answer immediately, and Nick’s wondering if he should say something else or just wait, but then David breaks the silence.
“I really missed you,” he admits, tone hushed like he’s telling a secret.
Nick’s throat goes dry as something twinges inside him, a persistent memory.
“I missed you too.”
--
So it turns out David’s, like, extremely Mormon. Nick doesn’t know a lot about the religion, but what he’s heard in the past sounds pretty intense: no alcohol or tobacco - okay, that’s something Nick can get behind - but no caffeine either, and they don’t believe in wearing the cross as a sign of their faith, which Nick thinks is weird. As far as he can gather from David, doing anything with another guy is intensely frowned upon - not that Nick’s own denomination is exactly accepting of that kind of stuff, but David sounds really scared about it.
“But like, the priest or whoever would just have you do a bunch of Mormon Hail Marys as penance or something, right?” Nick asks. “And promise never to do it again?”
David laughs, but it’s abrupt and sad, the furthest from his usual bubbly giggle that Nick could ever imagine. “No, Nick. I wouldn’t be able to take the sacrament for a while or use the priesthood, which means everyone would know I’d done something wrong, and I’d have to have like a bunch of meetings with the bishop about choosing the right -”
Nick holds up his hand even though David can’t see it, because David’s voice is getting high and panicky. “I get it,” he says somberly. “It’s serious.”
--
Nick will admit there are a few seconds he wants to take the stupid Book of Mormon and crack it over Joseph stupid Smith’s stupid head for making David feel so awful about this, but he doesn’t think David would appreciate that sentiment, so he tries to push the feelings out of his mind and focus on what the other boy is saying.
“So, like. It’s not that, um. I didn’t…” David sighs like he’s frustrated with himself, then pours out the words in a big rush: “likewhatwedid, but. I just - it’s not… it’s really bad for me to do it.”
Nick bites his lip. “Yeah,” he murmurs. He can’t be mad at David. He gets it. There were moments with Miley when he’d considered throwing it all away, letting himself kiss below her neck, lay his hands all over her body, but his sense of responsibility to God had always weighed too heavy in the form of a band of silver on his finger. He’s glad for that now.
“But, um,” David continues, voice shaking slightly. “It made me realize you weren’t the first guy I’ve wanted to do that with.”
“…What do you mean?” Nick asks cautiously, because he really wasn’t expecting David to say that, then the realization hits him like a ton of bricks. “Do you think you might be…?”
“Yeah,” David whispers miserably.
Nick puts his head in his hands.
--
Neither of them is really sure what to say after that. David gets quiet, as if vocalizing his fear had made everything real, and Nick is absolutely at a loss for how to comfort him.
“I guess, um,” David begins finally, his voice husky and tense, “maybe I should think about this for a while. Figure out what to do.”
“I’m sorry,” Nick says helplessly.
David sighs. “It’s not your fault.”
--
The night of the first show in Boston, David’s in L.A., so they’re basically as far apart as they can get without one of them leaving the country. Despite the three-hour difference, they get offstage at more or less the same time because David’s the opening act. Nick’s not sure if David will answer his phone but he does almost immediately, and they chat about nothing of importance until Nick bites his lip during a lull in conversation and says, “If you think it’d be easier to get over this if we stop talking, I’m okay with that.”
The silence on the other end of the line drags on for so long Nick thinks they might have been disconnected.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” David replies, his voice kind of wobbly. “Um. No, I… oh my gosh, Nick, I don’t think I could.”
It’s the sudden rush of relief that tips Nick off. It’s no secret that he likes having David in his life, but the fact that he was willing to sever their connection if it was in David’s best interests makes him realize how much he cares. That when it comes down to it, he’s more concerned about David than he is about himself.
“Okay,” Nick responds belatedly, then laughs at himself and says, “Good.” He thinks David lets out a small sigh of relief.
--
They don’t really talk about it after that. Nick assumes that David’s commitment to his religion has pretty much made the decision for them, and this is probably the safest way to go regardless. It’s hard enough to keep something going when you’re this age and famous and on the move so much that sometimes you wake up and forget which continent you’re on, even if you’re not both guys. He and Miley learned that the hard way.
Nick tells himself it’s for the best over and over again as he and his brothers travel clear across the country, playing to shrieking arenas almost every night. By the time they hit Los Angeles, he’s starting to believe it.
--
Demi’s tour finishes about a week and a half before the Jonas Brothers’, which reminds Nick of when David was on the Idol tour, except their scheduling was the other way around. Nick feels a lot better about it this time around, and that’s probably because it feels more like a break than an ending. They’re flying off to Canada to shoot Camp Rock 2 with Demi in September, then it’s off to Latin America for another few shows, followed by Europe again in November. It makes him tired just thinking about it, but he knows that’s what their break is for. He feels ready for it this time. It’s been a weird few months, with David and everything. He just needs to chill.
--
Evidently Demi also needs to chill, because she cuts her tour short with three dates to go, rescheduling them to October. It all happens really quickly, too. Like, Nick knows it’s her first gig as a headliner, but jeez. One day she’s calling Joe to whine about how she’s not getting enough vacation time, and the next David’s calling Nick to quietly freak out.
“I just… I know it’s not my fault but I just feel really bad, you know? Like, some of my fans are kind of crazy - in a good way, like, I have totally awesome fans - but they fly out to places to see me and stuff, so like, what about their hotel plans?”
Nick would be charmed by how adorable David’s being if he weren’t so miffed at Demi. He Googles the whole debacle because he doesn’t feel like asking her himself, and there are various rumors circulating about how she’s like, injured or something, or has a “scheduling conflict,” which is complete BS. Halfway through searching, her tweet about wanting a longer break comes up from a few days before and he frowns, setting his jaw in a firm line. He loves Demi, he does, and they’re more or less the same age, so he probably isn’t qualified to say this but he just thinks she needs to grow up a little, is all.
“I’m really sorry,” he tells David honestly. “Um… so what are you doing this weekend now that your shows have been postponed?
He’s an awful person for even thinking what he’s thinking right now, especially since he spent the better part of a month talking himself out of everything, and it’s a complete shot in the dark but he’s willing to chance it. He can feel his heart rate spike as the idea comes together in his head, and he’s not sure what that means about himself, nor the feelings he really should be trying to quash.
“Oh, um, well…” David laughs nervously like he’s kind of figured out where Nick is going with this, but he rolls with it anyway. “On Sunday I’m doing this, like, meet and greet thing in Providence for the people who won the chance to eat breakfast with me?”
He sounds so genuinely confused by the idea that anybody would want to do that - much less enter a competition for it - that Nick almost bursts out laughing.
“Uh-huh,” he says instead, trying his best to sound encouraging. “What about after that? Like after the tour would’ve ended?”
“Um…” David thinks for a second. “Oh, I’m going to Alaska to do a show at a state fair, which is going to be totally cool because I’ve never been there, and then I’m going back home to Utah for a bit, and then L.A. for some writing. I’m really excited about Alaska, though. Like, not just because I’ve never been there and I always like going to new places, but it looks really cool with all the, like, glaciers and stuff? Not that I don’t like L.A., but. Gosh, I hope Alaska’s not too cold.”
Nick shakes his head. David rambles with the best of them, and it’s really kind of adorable.
“What are your plans?” David asks politely, then catches himself and says, “Oh, right, touring. Haha.”
“Yeah,” Nick says drolly, “but then we’re going on break to shoot Camp Rock 2 in Canada. Not until the middle of September, but. We get some time off for that.”
“Oh my gosh, really?!” David exclaims, and he sounds so excited that Nick can’t help but smile. “My little sister loves that movie! Wow, I didn’t even know there was going to be a sequel. She’ll be so excited!”
“Maybe I could meet her sometime,” Nick suggests, and he never does this, never uses his fame to curry favor because it gives him an unfair advantage that sort of makes him feel sick, but he just… he feels like he has something to make up to David still. If he has to play the Nick-Jonas-of-the-Jonas-Brothers card once in a while - well, that’s a small price to pay. And yeah, if he’s honest, maybe a tiny part of him wants to see where David lives, the gray stone house on the secluded cul-de-sac described to Nick over a crackling phone line in the dead of night from a bunk on a tour bus in the middle of God knows where.
“That would be really neat,” David tells him, a smile in his voice, and Nick grins.
--
It turns out that two weeks into filming, David’s going to be singing the National Anthem at the Women’s U.S. Open in New York - which, as Nick casually points out, is less than a two-hour flight from Toronto.
“Oh, really?” David asks politely after Nick informs him, like he’s not quite sure how this is relevant. “That’s cool. So we’ll be, like, pretty near each other and stuff.”
“Yeah,” Nick replies, rolling his eyes at David’s obliviousness. “What are you doing after that? Staying in New York, or?”
“Um, I was gonna just fly back to Utah to spend some more time with my family, and then my mom and I are going to the ALMA Awards in L.A. on the 17th.” He pauses. “You’ll still be filming, right?”
“Yeah,” Nick says again. “Uh, listen… you wanna come hang out for a few days in between?”
David’s quiet for a second. “Come to Toronto?” he asks finally.
“No, to Mars.”
“Oh.” David pauses again, and Nick waits for him to get it. “How - haha. Of course to Toronto. Um…”
Nick holds his breath. Things have been better between them recently - they’ve been working on their friendship, trying to leave the other stuff behind - but he still isn’t really expecting David to say yes. After all, feeling comfortable with someone in person is a lot different than chatting over the phone.
“Yeah,” David says, and you could knock Nick over with a feather. “Okay, sure!”
--
Even though Nick talks to David more than anyone else except his brothers, he doesn’t realize how much he missed the other boy until he sees him. It’s like the entire time he’s been in Toronto has just been one big countdown to now. David’s hair is different - a little longer - and it looks like all the exercise he keeps talking about is paying off. He just… he looks really good. Nick would’ve loved to go inside and meet him, but a Jonas Brother at Arrivals would probably cause a minor stampede, so he’s forced to sit in the car and wait for David to approach with the driver.
“Heyyy!” David exclaims as he clambers onto the back seat, eyes dancing. Nick wants to reach out and wrap his arms around him, only he’s not sure if that’s okay to do anymore so he decides to just act casual. But when David pulls him into a one-armed hug, murmuring “It’s been so long - how are you?” into his ear, he forgets about playing it cool and holds on tight for just a second too long.
--
The movie isn’t actually being filmed in Toronto, although the cast does hang out there on the weekends. Camp Wanakita is up in Haliburton, this backwoods county more than two hours from the airport that’s filled with lakes and trees, and Nick and David talk the whole way there. Nick’s surprised at how effortless it is, given the fact that the last time they saw each other, David couldn’t wait to get away. He wonders how David compartmentalizes it all in his head, letting their easy platonic chemistry flow so freely without his thoughts ever straying towards anything more. Nick kind of wants to ask for tips.
--
When they first got here, Joe and Frankie begged for days to be allowed to sleep in one of the camp cabins, with Kevin firmly opposed and Nick playing Switzerland. Although their father put his foot down, he did manage to find a local hotel that was the best of both worlds. It’s a small place - family-run, homely - looking out onto the lake, the smell of evergreens permeating the air around it. Nick’s not a nature guy, not like Joe, who climbs trees and takes hikes and spends every waking minute exploring the hilly terrain around L.A. whenever their schedule lets up, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate their surroundings. It’s nice, coming out here. It’s him and Joe and Kevin and Demi in their own personal bubble out in the woods, and now David’s here too and it’s just… it’s nice.
--
David’s room is right opposite Nick’s (which Nick really didn't plan, it's just a fortuitous coincidence), so after he unpacks, he comes padding across the hall in his socks to watch a movie.
“We do this a lot on tour,” he says, gesturing to the screen, and Nick grins.
“Us too. Well, mostly Joe and Kevin. They have this weird thing for chick flicks.”
David smiles Nick’s favorite kind of smile, this wide-eyed confusion that blossoms into gentle, delighted amusement, and Nick can’t even breathe for a second, he feels so fluttery inside.
“Like what?”
“Oh, man… anything,” Nick tells him, leaning back against the edge of the bed. They’re on the floor, knees tucked up to their chins. Nick doesn’t think he’s done this with anyone since he was like seven, but David sat right down as soon as the movie started, so he followed suit without a thought. “Like… I don’t know, they’ve been obsessed with 27 Dresses for a while, and before that it was P.S. I Love You, except that makes Kevin cry for like an hour so now they’re banned from watching it on the bus.”
David giggles. “I liked 27 Dresses,” he says shyly, and if it were anyone else, Nick would’ve teased them, but it’s David, so he wouldn’t dream of it.
“I did too,” Nick admits.
--
David hangs out on set the next day, and it’s so fun having him there. Nick’s really glad he came. David and Demi are still awkward around each other despite touring for the whole entire summer, but Demi’s fond of him, Nick can tell. Everyone seems to like him, actually, and Joe in particular seems almost as charmed as Nick is. He pulls Nick aside as they break for lunch and whispers “I like him, Nicholas!” with this wide, knowing smirk that Nick just can’t get mad at.
“Shut up,” Nick hisses, feeling the heat rush to his face. “He’s right there.”
Frankie really takes a shine to David too, following him around and badgering him about this and that. When he finds out David likes Pokémon, all bets are off. Frankie has like five different decks of cards for all the dueling games Nick was too busy with music to really get into when he was a kid, but David is apparently the Pokémon master. He’s also not bad at Yu-Gi-Oh! and would like to learn Bakugan, which means he’s Frankie’s new favorite person by default.
Meaghan and Chloe seem quite taken with David as well, albeit in an entirely different way. They’re pretty chill girls usually, easy to work with and totally down-to-earth, but whenever David’s around, they’re instantly reduced to little more than breathy laughter. Nick finds it intriguing, the change in them. At least he’s not that obvious.
They eat lunch with the rest of the cast on the first day, but on the second, Joe dispatches them to sit on the dock with some sandwiches (“Don’t ask questions, Nicholas!”), so they roll up their pant legs and dip their toes in the water, and everything feels almost as perfect as it could be. David has hair on his legs, dark and coarse, and this fascinates Nick for some reason. He’s so boyish otherwise, looks younger than Nick even though he’s two years older. It’s funny, the dichotomy of it all. David seems to have no idea that he’s legitimately attractive but he is, he really is, and Nick’s not just saying that because he’s biased, he swears. David’s toned in all the right places, his slim frame perfectly accentuated by lean muscle, and he has these glossy dark eyes and a smile that’ll make your heart skip a beat. He’s a catch. Nick thinks about how David shies away, shaking his head and laughing embarrassedly whenever someone tells him so. He wishes he could just say You know, you’re really cute, the way he can to a girl. He wishes he could say a lot of things.
He’s shaken out of his reverie by the soft splash of water against his calf. David grins impishly and he feels his mouth twist into a wry, incredulous smirk, raising his eyebrows as if to ask, Did you really just do that? David giggles - doesn’t laugh, giggles, and Nick is so far gone over this kid that it’s not even funny.
Nick splashes him back, except he must not know his own strength because the water crests like a miniature tidal wave over David’s ankles, soaking the cuffs of his jeans. David sits in shock for a moment, and Nick’s just about to apologize when the other boy looks up, eyes gleaming with shy mischief, and kicks his foot into the water. A spray of droplets fans upward, coating Nick from head to toe.
And, okay, the hair and makeup lady is probably going to kill him for this, but Nick doesn’t care all that much as he leans down to splash back, really going for it this time. He intercepts David, who is bending to retaliate, and they tussle briefly, Nick grabbing David's wrists. The expression on David’s face changes and Nick instantly lets go.
“What’s wrong?”
David moves his head like he’s trying to shake his thoughts loose. “Nothing, I.” He pastes a smile onto his face, one of the fake ones he does for the cameras, weirdly stretched out and deer-in-the-headlights. Nick frowns at him. He hates that smile.
“What,” he says again with no inflection at the end, studying David’s face carefully. David keeps meeting his eyes and then looking away.
“I, um,” he begins, staring firmly down at the lake. “When you, um. Touched me. It felt like something…”
“Sparked,” Nick finishes, and David reddens as instantly as if someone had flipped a switch.
“Yeah,” he admits, looking at his hands. Nick stays quiet. David opens his mouth, shuts it again, takes a breath and says quietly, “I think about what happened sometimes.”
“Me too,” Nick murmurs, and, God, if David only knew.
David lifts his eyes, his expression so… something. Hopeful, almost, in spite of himself. Nick holds his gaze.
“Like. I’m not sure if I actually feel that way about you or if it was just… you know. Because of what we, um.”
A small, painful knot forms in Nick’s stomach. “You mean like maybe it was only because I was your first kiss?”
David winces a little just hearing the word, and Nick would be lying if he said that didn’t hurt him. The kiss was good - maybe the best he’s had - charged with just the right amount of tension, their chemistry and mutual desire blending with the sense of doing something forbidden, which only made it hotter. David must have felt that too, he just knows it.
“Would you feel better if you knew everything you felt had nothing to do with me at all?” he asks softly, and David stares at him for a second, then bites his lip and nods fervently. “…Would you like to try it again?”
“Um.” David huffs out a laugh, raising his eyebrows at Nick. “Look, if you think that’s going to convince me…”
Nick holds up his hands. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing right now, he’s just going on instinct, and the nerves prickle through his skin like a chill. “Hear me out, okay? The reason you’re so messed up over this is ‘cause you think you have feelings for me, right?”
“Maybe,” David murmurs, blushing, and Nick fights the pleased tingle that the affirmation elicits.
“But you think it might just have been because I was your first.”
David hesitates before nodding again.
“So the only way to prove that it really was about the kiss and not me is to try it again when you’re more prepared for it.”
David looks skeptical, and yeah, part of Nick just really wants to kiss him again, but there’s another part that actually believes the theory. Maybe this’ll fix things for David. Maybe the other boy will talk himself into not feeling anything the second time and go on his merry way, reassured. Sure, Nick will be torn up about it, but that can’t be as bad as seeing David like this, wracked with guilt and confusion because of something he initiated. And even if it does go the way David wants it to, at least Nick will get to kiss him goodbye.
--
David says he needs to think about it, which is fair, so Nick decides to give him some space. He rolls down his pant legs and moseys back over to the picnic area, where most of the cast and crew are taking their lunch break. Nick can tell Joe knows something’s wrong as soon as he looks up.
“You okay?” Joe asks under his breath, sliding along the bench to give Nick room, but they can’t talk here, not with Frankie and their mom sitting right across the table.
“Fine,” Nick says tersely, very conscious of being watched. His stomach is churning. “I’ll tell you about it later.”
Joe looks at him steadily and then nods.
--
When David pads across the hall that night to whisper his consent, Nick has mixed emotions. He’s happy because he’d built the kiss into a resolution of sorts in his head one way or the other, but at the same time, he’s sad, because the fact David agreed in the first place shows how desperate he is for it all to become a non-issue.
“Did you, uh. Just wanna do it now?” David asks, looking miserable. He’s sitting cross-legged by the foot of the bed, and this isn’t how any of it is supposed to go.
“While you’re like this?” Nick asks incredulously. He’s pacing back and forth by the doorway because his nerves are too shot for him to sit. “While I’m like this?”
He holds out his hands, palms downwards, so David can see that he’s shaking a bit, and yeah, part of that is from being too out of whack to eat this afternoon but he really is stressed out about everything.
David widens his eyes and looks at him sadly. “I’m really sorry.”
Nick sighs deeply, sitting down in front of David and resting his chin in his hands. “Don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
He knows David kissed back, that it wasn’t all him and they wouldn’t be in this predicament if it had been, but he can’t bear for David to beat himself up any more than he already is.
David nods unhappily, like he can see what Nick’s trying to do. “Shall we just do it, then? Like, if we’re going to? Just to, you know, get it over with.”
Nick’s kind of regretting the whole thing now, if David’s going to be like this about it.
“What?” David asks, seeing his frown.
“Just...” Nick sighs again and tries to deflect how much he’s hurting with a wry, self-deprecating smile. “I didn’t realize I was that bad of a kisser.”
“Oh, you’re not,” David assures him just a shade too quickly, then clamps his mouth shut and dips his head in an attempt to hide his blush. “Oh, gosh.”
“Jeez,” Nick says, rolling his eyes, and David looks up and offers him a sheepish smile.
“I really am sorry.”
“I know you are.”
Nick reaches out and puts his hand on top of David’s, which makes the other boy flinch until he realizes Nick isn’t going to go any further. Nick can’t even put into words how much he misses the easy comfort of that day in California when he was able to touch David’s face without him caring.
“You need to figure out whether you really want to do this, okay, and if you do, then we’ll take it from there. You’re not leaving for a few more days. Just think about it, yeah?”
“Okay,” David says softly.
Nick hates this.
--
They’re hanging out in Nick’s trailer when it happens. It’s the day before David’s due to leave, and he brought over his copy of Guitar Hero. He’s actually really good - like, good enough to give Joe a run for his money, which isn’t easy. Nick sucks as much as he always does, but he doesn’t mind losing (well… not much) because David takes care to remind him approximately every five seconds that he can play real guitar which is so much cooler.
Nick gets 26 percent on Barracuda while David gets an even 90, despite spending most of the time alternately cracking up at Nick’s abject failure and apologizing for laughing.
“Um… well, you hit more than a quarter of the notes?” David says timidly when their scores come up. Nick just looks at him. “…Okay, perhaps you need some more practice. But, you know, at least you can play -”
“Guitar for real, I know.” Nick smiles. “Besides, if I have to lose to anyone, I want it to be you.”
David blushes. “Aw… thanks,” he says awkwardly, putting his controller down on the table and gesturing to the TV. “You know, I think Allison from this year’s Idol is doing that song on tour.”
“Barracuda?”
David nods. Nick wouldn’t know. He didn’t watch Idol at all this year, really - and yeah, he’s been busy, but mostly it’s because David wasn’t there to draw his interest.
“Man, it’s crazy that it’s been a whole year since you were on that tour,” he says contemplatively. “Which means - jeez, we’ve known each other that long, too.”
David’s eyes widen. “Oh my gosh, how did… how did that happen?”
“I don’t know, man,” Nick says, laughing. “I’m glad it did, though.”
David eyes him like he’s trying to gauge what he means by that. Nick looks back, the picture of innocence, so David smiles tentatively and says, “Me too.”
“You know…” Nick begins, dropping onto the couch and folding his arms casually behind his head, “I was kind of awestruck that day we first met backstage at the TCAs. I don’t know how obvious it was, but.” He shrugs.
“Awestruck of me?” David asks incredulously. “I mean… for me? Over me?” He shakes his head. “Why?!”
It’s Nick’s turn to blush, and wow, he really needs to get a hold of himself. “Why is that so hard to believe?”
“You’re, like… a Jonas Brother.”
“Yeah, and you’re, like, David Archuleta.”
David rolls his eyes and leans down to punch Nick gently in the shoulder - something he does around Nick now, something Nick taught him, and if Nick feels a little burst of pride in his chest every time it happens… well, there’s nothing he can do about that.
Nick laughs and grabs David’s arm as the other boy goes to pull away, and David looks at him uncertainly.
“Come sit,” Nick tells him, thumping the space beside him on the couch. David eyes him appraisingly, then kind of nods to himself and obliges.
“So next time we’re both in L.A.,” Nick begins, and David leans over and kisses him.
--
It feels a lot different than last time. Nick isn’t at all in control, for starters. He kind of figured he’d know if David wanted to try something, but this comes as a complete shock. David’s more insistent now, mouth pressing against Nick’s like he needs something and Nick is the only person who can give it to him. His teeth catch Nick’s bottom lip and Nick groans, feeling the arousal already beginning to pool below his stomach as David claims the hollows of his mouth, places no guy is ever meant to know. They’re sitting pretty close as it is, but Nick shifts to accommodate David further and David paws at his hip, scrabbling for something to hold onto.
Nick grins into the kiss and smoothes his palm across David’s cheek. He loves when David gets like this - intense, focused, casting off his usual principled self control. Their tongues duel for dominance, David making these little whimpering sounds like he loves it, like he can’t believe how good it still feels the second time around. Nick doesn’t realize he’s unconsciously sliding his legs apart until David’s pressed right against his cock.
He arches his back, pushing against David, and he won’t let it go any further, he won’t, he just needs this friction right now, this contact. David grunts when he realizes what Nick’s doing, and Nick holds his breath for a second because he thinks David’s going to pull away, but he doesn’t. They rut against each other slowly, David making these funny gasping sounds every time his erection brushes Nick’s and, God, Nick wants to make him come so badly, if only to know what that sounds like.
He breaks off the kiss because he’s scared David won’t.
--
They just sit there for a second, gazing at each other with their chests both heaving. David’s eyes are bright and his cheeks are stained with pink, his plump lips parted as he breathes in shallowly. Nick wants to kiss the fuck out of him.
He reaches out to grab David’s shoulder and tentatively guides the boy back towards him, pressing their mouths together gently. There’s no fire behind it, and he’s hoping David will respond in kind because he really doesn’t want to stop doing this yet, but if they can’t slow down, he’s going to have to. He wants to go further more than anything (more than anything, maybe ever), but he can’t let them do that to their relationship. He can’t let David do that to himself.
He lays his hand on David’s back, anchoring the boy against him, and David relaxes under his touch like he knows what Nick’s trying to do and appreciates it. Nick feels the change in him, the familiar tension that comes with what you want being at odds with the rules. David must have picked up on the fact that if he tries something, he can’t count on Nick to refuse.
--
They manage to keep a better hold on themselves after that, with one or both of them slowing things down every time they get too heated. Nick’s not even sure how they’re managing this right now. His dick has been throbbing in his jeans for a while now, and David’s own hardness is jutting insistently into his thigh. He thinks he could come just like this, if David lets him. A few well-placed thrusts and he’d be gone.
He pulls away and buries his face in David’s shoulder, trembling and breathless.
--
David just holds him after that, stroking the back of his neck until they both get their hearts to stop hammering. Nick tries to anchor himself in the moment, not wanting to think about what will happen after they have to break apart. David’s never going to talk to Nick again, is he. And Nick wouldn’t blame him. They almost… God, they almost…
“Are you okay?” David asks softly from somewhere above him. His voice is rough, hoarse.
“You feel it for real, don’t you?” Nick asks after a beat, voice muffled against the fabric of David’s shirt. He never knew something could make him feel so thrilled and so sick all at once.
He feels the fight go out of David’s body.
“Yeah,” David says quietly. “I really do.”
--
Nick’s scared David’s going to walk out on him after that, just go back to the hotel, pack his bags and leave early for Los Angeles, but David doesn’t show any indication of wanting to move. He cradles Nick on the couch for a while and Nick feels kind of stupid because, hello, he’s not the one whose whole entire world is crashing down around him right now, but David seems oddly calm. Neither of them speaks for a long time - David is quiet, and Nick doesn’t want to break the silence - but David cards his fingers through the hair at the nape of Nick’s neck, and eventually, he starts humming. Nick can’t tell what the song is, even though he knows he vaguely recognizes it.
“At church,” David says suddenly, softly, “they teach us that it’s okay to have feelings like this as long as we don’t act on them.”
Nick waits.
“Like, because they can’t stop anyone from having them. They recognize that. But they just say to keep them as thoughts and not turn them into anything more.”
“I guess we…” Nick begins, trailing off when he realizes his voice doesn’t even sound like himself. He swallows and his throat feels like sandpaper. “I guess we kind of screwed up, then, didn’t we?”
David’s silent for a long time, and Nick’s waiting for him to get up and leave. He wishes David would just get it over with. When David pulls away a little bit, he thinks Here we go, but it’s only so the other boy can look him in the eyes. Nick wants to turn his head away when he sees the expression on David’s face. Conflicted doesn’t even begin to cover it.
“We can’t do this again,” David says haltingly, looking like it hurts him to say it.
“I know.”
“But I think I…” David lifts his thumb to the curve of Nick’s jaw, a question in his eyes, and Nick nods almost imperceptibly. He doesn’t even want to breathe for fear of shattering the moment. David traces the lines of Nick’s face, up and then down again, like Nick’s this precious object that should be handled with care. “I really like you, Nick, and, um. I’m sorry if that makes everything harder, but I really wanted to say it. You know? And I still want - I don’t want to stop talking to you or anything, and I’ve been thinking about it and I guess this will always be here, like, between us, but I need to try to… you know? For my faith.”
He looks so anguished, and Nick just… he wants to make it all go away. He can honestly say this is the first time in his life that he wishes he were born a girl. It would have made everything so much easier.
“I get it,” he says quietly, and some of the pain clears in David’s eyes. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself anyway if I pulled you away from that.” He almost believes what he's saying as he concludes, “I get that your religion is important to you.”
“So are you,” David says sadly. “I still really want to be, um, friends.”
Nick reaches up and presses his palm to David’s hand, which is curled in a loose fist but opens at his touch. He twines their fingers together.
“I’ll try my best, okay?”
David nods, brushing their mouths lightly together. Nick feels a shiver run right through his body as David whispers against his lips, “Me too.”
---<---<---@
Part Three.