Coming Out (4/11)
Title: Coming Out
Author: thanku4urlove
Pairing: Inoo/Takaki, with a brief rendezvous of Inoo/OMC (Original Male Character)
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Slight cursing, discussions about sexuality, bullying, kissing
Genre: Slice of life? Slow burn, romance
Summary: It's the end of 2007. Inoo Kei is seventeen, and just debuted with nine other boys in Johnny's Entertainment's new group "Hey! Say! JUMP". He's a bit nervous, and a bit overwhelmed, and thinks he might be developing a bit of a crush on his bandmate, Takaki Yuya. It's embarrassing when Takaki finds out, but Inoo is sure that the crush isn't going to go anywhere. They aren't really that close, and Takaki says he's straight, and it's just a little bit of affection. It'll go away. Right?
About phone calls, first experiences, and falling in love.
A/N: uhhhhhh OC shows up in this chapter so watch out for that (he's not here for too terribly long but I apologize in advance if that's not your cup of tea)
Previous Part: 1 | 2 | 3
This chapter can also be read on AO3 here! (x)
When the tour ended and 2009 began, Inoo enrolled in Meiji University. The idea of it all was daunting, but he wasn’t giving up on going, not allowing himself to let high school be a waste. That wasn’t the reason he gave when people asked of course, simply shrugging instead and saying that he simply wanted to.
He had goals, goals in place for his years at Meiji. He would have fun in university. He would work hard. Learn. Gain some life experiences. Fully graduate in four years as a grown man with a degree and some new friends.
The group wasn’t lined up to release any new songs this year, and while that should have been a relief, letting Inoo adjust to going to school without the added workload of filming and recording and promoting, it was a bit of a letdown, too. Inoo was really beginning to enjoy being an idol, the activities as fun as they were exhausting, his group mates now his best friends. Without any idol work to give his attention to, Inoo was forced to focus entirely on school.
Genuinely, it was probably for the best. The group was, quite literally, going through some growing pains, and Inoo felt that if all of the band members had been forced to see each other outside of the standard hours used for dance practice and vocal training, they just might have killed each other.
The youngest five were the worst. Inoo understood why-they were confused, competitive, hormonal teenagers with a considerable amount of stress on their shoulders-but that understanding didn’t do anything to rectify the situation.
If he were made to point fingers, Inoo would say that the most disruptive were Yuto and Yamada. Not that they were bad kids-none of Hey! Say! 7 were bad kids-but they had the power to bring out the worst in each other. There was a rivalry there, so fiercely unspoken that Inoo wasn’t sure if they were aware of it on anything more than a subconscious level. Yamada was quick to anger, and yell, and delete people’s number from his cell phone, a bad habit that had already led to a handful of stressful miscommunications.
Yuto didn’t do much yelling, opting instead to give everyone in the world the cold shoulder, which wasn’t particularly difficult to deal with, but still always jarring when coming from a kid as happy and friendly as Yuto. It threw Okamoto off the worst, so if Yuto was already gone, Okamoto’s entire day was a wash, his apologizing more grating than all the things he would get wrong.
Chinen could be a real brat if he wanted to, unafraid to use his sharp words, petulant attitude, and baby face to his advantage. But it was hard to stay mad at Chinen, though Inoo had a hard time telling if that was because Chinen genuinely was a good kid, or because he had all of them so wrapped around his finger that disciplining him was near impossible. Chinen didn’t often get angry though, not in the way the other teenagers did, so not much action was needed anyway.
Ryutaro was as quick to anger as Yamada was, and they were often angry at each other. Despite this, Inoo found himself getting along with Ryutaro surprisingly well, especially for how much younger he was. Often, Inoo was a little concerned by how stressed out Ryutaro was; the kid seemed more stressed out than he himself, but Inoo had no idea what on earth a fourteen year old had to be so worried about.
Because of all of this, Inoo was glad for his excuse of schoolwork, and didn’t have to spend as much extra time putting out fires as Daiki, Hikaru, and Yabu did. Daiki was the best, using his baby face and that natural, endless positive energy he was gifted with to bridge the gap between the youngest five and the older four. It wasn’t always bad-it wasn’t even mostly bad-but Inoo had a feeling that without Arioka Daiki, Hey Say JUMP would have fallen apart. And thankfully they didn’t, in that year of radio silence, because they had become Inoo’s favorite thing in the world.
It wasn’t as though they did nothing, though. They had a spring concert, shot a photobook, and began talks of recording their first album. Yamada began getting cast in television shows, his popularity growing, he and Chinen picked to be in a subunit with a kid named Nakayama Yuma. And it seemed that the busier the younger kids got, the less energy they had within themselves to argue, things beginning to pan out when 2010 rolled into view.
It was difficult, after so long, to release a single again. The song was called Hitomi no SCREEN, and was for a drama of Yamada’s. The music video was fun and the audio recording was fine--though it was nice to hear how much they’d all improved vocally over the past year--but those were all one day activities. Promotions were the thing Inoo was nervous about in terms of time management with his school work. He was almost as nervous about that as he was about the release itself.
He expected something to happen. He expected someone to notice him. He was waiting for the people in his various university classes to notice him, to recognize him, and for the teasing to start up again. It all had been nice, to move away and start school with a complete group of strangers, but the closer the end of February got, the more it felt like nothing but a distraction, like running from the inevitable.
The release date came, and went, and not a single person in Inoo’s personal life had anything to say about it. School was just too distracting. He wasn’t the only celebrity at Meiji University, with other musicians or actors or other talents. Nobody cared. Nobody cared about him at all and it was wonderful.
Promotions were hard, though. Possibly the hardest part, though touring wasn’t exactly a walk in the park either. It was almost nice, almost relaxing that year to have a crush on Takaki; Inoo could take a short break to think about him, instead of thoughts plagued with stress about an oncoming exam. He could stare at him during practice, and feel a little of the tension leave his shoulders.
The crush still wasn’t anything serious. In truth, Inoo was surprised that it was still there at all. He didn’t have many long term crushes on people, like he’d said; usually, if the other person didn’t show any interest back, Inoo lost interest in return. He figured it was just a proximity thing. Takaki was attractive, and friendly, and nice to him, but he truly didn’t expect for it to go anywhere. In a weird way, that was almost better. By knowing that Takaki wasn’t interested, Inoo didn’t have to concern himself too much over interactions or read too much into things that Takaki said to him. He could just get a greeting and a smile from Takaki, and have his day made.
“Just drop out of college.” Takaki insisted, when Inoo was lamenting over the phone to him yet again about schoolwork. “You don’t need it anyway.”
“That isn’t the point.” Inoo insisted back, staring down at an essay he had to write. He’d decided this year that he wanted to major in architecture, so now all classes he had to take that didn’t directly pertain to designing buildings and bridges became pointless wastes of time. “I’m proving something to myself.”
“Yeah?” Takaki asked. “That you can do it? Be an idol and a student at the same time?”
“No.”
“That you can die from working too hard before you hit twenty-five?”
“No, shut up.” Inoo told him, though that suggestion had made him laugh a little. “I’m trying to prove that my three years in high school weren’t useless. That I didn’t put myself through all that torture for nothing.”
“Oh.” Takaki said after a quiet moment. All of their conversations lately, somehow, had turned serious in one way or another. “...was it really that bad?”
“I mean, it could have been worse. They never like… Got really physical with me.”
“They still fucking sucked though.” Takaki agreed, Inoo surprised to hear the rude word come from Takaki’s mouth.
“Yeah. They still fucking sucked.”
“And all because they thought you were gay? That’s like… That’s messed up.”
“I think the idol thing was more of a draw.” Inoo said with a bit of a laugh. “But the support is appreciated.”
“I… Yeah.” Takaki sounded a little surprised. “Of course.”
Inoo let his eyes trail over his essay, seriously considering just giving up for the night and trying to complete it in the morning when Takaki spoke again.
“I didn’t even go to high school.” He said. “Not really. I dropped out before I really got started.”
“You dropped out before we debuted?” Inoo asked in surprise. He’d known Takaki didn’t finish school, but he didn’t know how early he’d abandoned education. He was almost envious of that recklessness. “You’re crazy.”
“Eh, decided I didn’t like it.”
“Thought you could coast through life on your good looks, huh?”
That had Takaki laughing. “I guess, something like that.”
“Well, it’s working. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” There was still amusement in Takaki's voice. “It’s late. I’ll hang up so you can finish your homework.”
“No, please. I would so much rather be talking to you.”
“But I don’t want to be distracting.”
“Well, don’t you give yourself a lot of credit.”
“Shut up.” Inoo could almost hear the eye roll. “Isn’t that essay due tomorrow?”
“...yeah.” Inoo answered reluctantly, fully expecting his answer to be the reason Takaki would use to break the call, but instead Takaki surprised him.
“So tell me about it. Let’s get it done.”
They released their seventh single just two weeks before the year ended, and entered 2011 on music shows promoting their new music. Inoo was now two years into his college career, with two more years to go. He’d gotten used to the push and pull of a new semester, the wave of friends that would leave due to mismatched schedules that Inoo wouldn’t see again. The friends Inoo made in his classes weren’t very serious, or designed to stick around; they were people that he probably knew the name of, that were good to sit next to, that he could maybe study with on the off chance that he had some free time after class to hang out on campus. He was used to expecting a new batch of faces, to sit somewhere on his own and just see what happened.
Which was why it was such a surprise when he walked into a lecture hall on the first day of his Intermediate Engineering class and made eye contact with a familiar young man his own age sitting up in the back of the room. Inoo looked away as soon as he recognized him, an odd feeling flushing through his entire body, and quickly picked a seat near the front of the lecture hall. It was the boy that had been new to their high school in Inoo’s final year, the one that had--on more than one occasion--simply watched as Inoo got shoved around.
It was almost jarring to see someone from the past like that, and Inoo wasn’t sure he liked it. The guy had been neutral to him in any interactions they’d had to have back in high school, so Inoo felt strange about harboring him any ill will, trying to put it from his mind instead. He wasn’t in class to make friends, and never had been. He’d just get through this semester, and this guy would be gone to the wind like all the other people in his classes.
The guy stuck in his mind though, for reasons he couldn’t explain. And again, like he had in high school, Inoo found himself glancing over without meaning to, looking behind himself to catch a glimpse of the guy before looking away. And, like he had in high school, he was always surprised to see the guy already looking over at him whenever he turned.
After a couple weeks of this, Inoo was trying to leave class when someone bumped him hard in the shoulder. He stumbled, running into the wall with his other shoulder, the action shooting a dull ache all the way down his arm and forcing him to drop his bag. It hurt, and it scared him, and he scrambled to just pick up his things and leave when a hand grabbed his arm.
“I’m so sorry, are you okay?”
The reaction was so different to any of the other times that Inoo had found himself shoved into a wall in a classroom that for a solid ten seconds, he didn’t know what to do. He simply stopped, frozen for a long moment, then looked up at whoever it was that had run into him.
It was the guy, the guy that he kept looking at. This guy’s hair was brown, a brown so dark that it would have looked black if not for the brightness of the fluorescent lights. His eyes were very thin and the irises dark, nearly completely covered by bangs a little too long. Something about his nose, his lips, and his chin were weirdly familiar to Inoo, but he couldn’t place why, distracted quickly by his clothes, a huge dark green jacket and baggy brown pants that looked too expensive for just how ill-fitted they were on him. His hand was still on Inoo’s arm.
“Yeah, sorry.” Inoo found himself saying, but when he stooped to pick up his bag he realized the guy was already carrying it, even more dumbfounded when he reached over and put it on Inoo’s shoulder for him.
“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. Got my hair in my face.” The guy said, gesturing to his bangs in almost a good-natured way, like his long hair was some sort of shared joke between them. He gave a little bow of introduction. “I’m Ito Takumi.”
“Inoo Kei.” Inoo offered back, and one of the guy’s eyebrows went up.
“Have I heard that name before?” He asked, and Inoo quickly shook his head, a bolt of fear going through his chest. Was he being recognized?
“It’s… It’s a common last name, where I’m from.” He lied.
“And where’s that?”
“Saitama.” That, at least, was true, and Inoo found himself wishing that he’d lied about that too. He tried to tell himself it was vague enough.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” The guy--Takumi, Inoo figured he should start referring to him by some sort of name--began walking, but since he’d been asked a question, Inoo assumed he should follow. It would be better to continue on his way anyway, than keep standing in the lecture hall walkway. “You seem a little…”
Another hand gesture, one that was weird and half lazy looking and carrying some implication that Inoo didn’t really understand.
“Yeah.” Inoo said again.
“I’ve noticed you looking at me.” Takumi said, and that threw Inoo completely for a loop. He fumbled for a moment with a response.
“Oh, I uh… I couldn’t tell if I recognized you or not.” That wasn’t true either, but he couldn’t think of anything better. Takumi leaned back from him as they walked, narrow eyes narrowing even further as they scanned Inoo’s face.
“Did we go to high school together?” He finally asked. “Last semester of the last year. My family moved, and I ended up transferring.”
“I think so.” Inoo said, and Takumi nodded a little to himself.
“Maybe that’s what’s familiar about you.” He said, and Inoo felt his shoulders sag slightly in relief. “I’ve gotta go, but it was really, really nice talking to you.” His hand was on Inoo’s arm again. “I’ll see you next class.”
“Okay.” Inoo said, for lack of anything else, and Ito Takumi took a left turn down a hallway and disappeared.
Inoo wanted to call Daiki about the encounter, wanted to tell him about what happened and have Daiki empathize with him about it being weird and tell him how to proceed. He felt that he knew, though, what Daiki would say.
Daiki would tell him to be open minded, and open to the idea of making friends, and to let this happen and see where it went. Not in a way that brushed off his feelings, but in a Daiki sort of way that always looked for the best in situations, and in people. Daiki would be more concerned for him if Inoo voiced any deeper worries, but that was something Inoo was hesitant to do. Because again, this guy hadn’t done anything wrong.
He’d been nice; friendly even, saying that it had been nice to talk to him and hinting that it would happen again. He’d picked Inoo’s bag up for him, and asked questions about him. He’d touched Inoo’s arm a lot.
Inoo couldn’t help but feel that maybe it was his own fault. He’d kept himself so closed off at school that now that someone was talking to him, he didn’t know how to handle it. He hadn’t made a new friend outside of work in literal years; he hadn’t made a new friend at all in a while, sticking close to his bandmates and letting his relationship with them grow instead. He was uneasy because he was uncomfortable, he supposed. He hadn’t realized that despite how many people he was now in front of, between cameras and performances and recorded videos, how socially inept he’d gotten.
So he didn’t call Daiki, determined to keep this social shortcoming to himself. He should have realized, however, that in his call with Takaki two days later, it would come out anyway.
“I think I’m making a new friend.” Inoo reported, when Takaki asked him how school was going.
“Yeah?” Takaki asked back. “That’s good.”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“You guess?”
“He’s…” Inoo flopped onto his back. He was lying in bed, air leaving him in a sort of sighing sound when he hit his pillows. “He’s weird, I think.”
“What’s weird about him?” Takaki asked, and this time the question was followed up by a horrible crunching sound, so horrible that it made Inoo roll onto his stomach and shove his face into his pillow.
“Stop eating chips in my ear. It’s disgusting.” He told Takaki, but as he knew would happen, all his complaining got him was another loud crunch. “I keep lying to him.”
“Wait.” Takaki said, after a slight hum to show he was listening, as though just realizing what Inoo had said. “You’re lying to him, and he’s the weird one? It sounds like you’re the one with the problem.”
“I don’t have a problem.”
“You do! You lie all the time.”
“Do not.”
“Yesterday you told me that practice started at five, but it actually started at four, and I was late.”
“Okay, fine.” Inoo allotted, because yes, that was true. That had happened, and it had been kind of funny, too. “I just couldn’t remember what time it started at, and I didn’t feel like looking it up. You should have checked the schedule.”
“I thought I could trust you!”
“Then that was your first mistake, wasn’t it?” Inoo put a dramatic lilt in his voice at the question, and despite the indignance in Takaki’s voice, it earned him a laugh. “But I don’t lie to you about the important stuff.”
“I feel like being at work on time is pretty important.” Takaki muttered begrudgingly, but allowed the statement anyway. “What do you lie to him about?”
“I don’t want him to know I’m an idol.” Inoo rolled back onto his back, staring at the ceiling. “He went to my high school so I’m just afraid, I guess.”
“He’s one of the assholes from your high school? Stay away from him.”
“He’s not.” Inoo said quickly. “We didn’t actually know each other at all. I’m not sure how he never found out; maybe because he transferred in really late? But yeah, he started sitting next to me in class now. He keeps asking if I want to study with him.”
“Do you?”
“I don’t know. Probably.” Inoo rolled onto his side. “He touches my arm a lot.”
There was a moment of silence across the line.
“Touches your arm?” Takaki finally said. “Like… Where on your arm?”
“The upper part.” Inoo placed his free hand on his bicep, despite Takaki not being there for a demonstration. “He does it whenever he turns to talk to me. It’s kind of distracting, actually.”
“Distracting?” Takaki’s voice had reached a sort of incredulity. “Inoo, he’s flirting with you.”
“What?” Inoo’s head jerked back of its own accord, rejecting the idea immediately. “I’m sure he doesn’t--he’s not--” But was he? All the questions, and the quick companionship; it all felt way too fast. The touching was hard to explain away, though. “Do you think so?”
“Touching a guy’s arm is definitely step one.” Takaki said confidently. Inoo narrowed his eyes.
“Did you read that in a girly magazine or something?” He asked suspiciously.
“I’m just saying that it’s true.” Takaki answered, and Inoo fell into thought. He didn’t know how my he trusted Takaki’s flirting expertise, but if Takaki was right and the guy, Takumi, was actually flirting with him… Inoo had to admit, he didn’t hate the idea.
“Do you think he… Do you think he likes me, then?” Inoo asked, unable to help himself.
“I’m pretty sure that’s what flirting means.” Takaki responded. “Do you like him?”
“I…” No. Inoo didn’t, definitely not in a romantic way. But honestly, it wasn’t like Takumi was an ugly guy or anything. “I don’t think so. But… I don’t know.”
What would he say, if Takumi asked him out? He would have to decline, or else explain his celebrity status and the need for discretion. It felt weird, the idea of accepting someone’s confession without returning their feelings, but it wasn’t like Inoo’s own crush on Takaki was actually going anywhere.
“Are you going to like… Kiss him, and stuff?” Takaki asked. He sounded uncomfortable, but the question was so distracting that Inoo barely noticed.
“What? Probably not.” Oh. Kissing him. Inoo hadn’t even been thinking that far ahead, his stomach now churning with something that he couldn’t say wasn’t excitement. Again, it felt weird, the idea of kissing someone without liking them back, but Inoo, in his limited social skills, hadn’t had his first real kiss yet, and he really, really wanted to. He’d been thinking about, dreaming about kissing another boy since he was twelve, and the fact that he might actually have the opportunity almost felt like it would be a stupid thing to pass up. He could kiss someone. Not someone that he liked, not exactly, but someone that was at least in the correct ball park. It might be worth a shot.