Coming Out (3/11)
Title: Coming Out
Author: thanku4urlove
Pairing: Inoo/Takaki, with a brief rendezvous of Inoo/OMC (Original Male Character)
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Slight cursing, discussions about sexuality, bullying, kissing
Genre: Slice of life? Slow burn, romance
Summary: It's the end of 2007. Inoo Kei is seventeen, and just debuted with nine other boys in Johnny's Entertainment's new group "Hey! Say! JUMP". He's a bit nervous, and a bit overwhelmed, and thinks he might be developing a bit of a crush on his bandmate, Takaki Yuya. It's embarrassing when Takaki finds out, but Inoo is sure that the crush isn't going to go anywhere. They aren't really that close, and Takaki says he's straight, and it's just a little bit of affection. It'll go away. Right?
About phone calls, first experiences, and falling in love.
A/N: Inoo calls Takaki "stud" in this chapter and I'm not sorry about it
Previous Part: 1 | 2
This chapter can also be read on AO3 here! (x)
After seeing Takaki’s behind the scenes photo, Inoo made it a point to begin watching Gokusen every week. He hadn’t really been into either of the first two seasons of the show, only had a vague understanding of the concept, and had missed the entire first half of Takaki’s season, so he had absolutely no thread on the plot. That didn’t matter in the slightest.
Takaki looked incredible. His hair was dyed golden and flipped away from his neck and he was wearing lipgloss in more scenes than he would probably ever admit to, and Inoo loved every second of it. He considered telling Takaki he was watching it, maybe texting him a picture of his television screen whenever it was on, but texting wasn’t something the two of them did, so it seemed weird, and he didn’t. Now, whenever Takaki had to skip off from work for something related to the show, Inoo didn’t feel so disappointed, able to picture rowdy, slouching, devil-may-care Takaki with his bloody face and over-the-shoulder bag instead.
About halfway through his watch though, a little nagging feeling began to pick at Inoo whenever Takaki’s opposite on the show--a rather popular actor named Miura Haruma--showed up on screen. Because sometimes, the dialogue was said in a way that was a little too strong, or the camera angles a little too dramatic, and Inoo felt his eyes shoot up his forehead.
By the end of the show, Inoo was a little more than convinced that Takaki’s character and Miura Haruma’s characters were more than just a little bit in love with each other. No matter how he tried to describe it to Daiki--because he just had to tell someone, and hell if it would be Takaki himself--Daiki just wouldn’t believe him.
“Are you sure you’re not just… Projecting?” Daiki asked at the end of practice, when Inoo was talking at him about it for what had to be the third time that day. “Or maybe jealous?”
“Of course I’m jealous.” Inoo sniffed, while Daiki let out a laugh. “But I’m serious! It’s about… The staring, and--there was a self-sacrifice, I don’t know what else you want me to say.”
It was fun to try and explain the subtleties of accidental homoeroticism in fiction to Daiki, because it acted as a distraction from the stress of the rest of Inoo’s life. They were amping up to release another single, a dance number called Your Seed, and while Inoo had come to find the whole process of releasing music--learning and recording the song, the dance, and the filming of the music video itself--to be very fun, it still caused his anxiety to flare up, and it took energy just to leave the house at times, trying not to constantly look over his shoulder whenever he had to do something as simple as go down to the convenience store.
“At least I’m not like… Front and center.” Inoo said through a mouthful of food.
“Stop being gross. I can hear you chewing.” Takaki lamented, Inoo leaning fully into the receiver to give his food a few more open-mouthed chews, just to annoy him.
“But I’m serious!” Inoo continued. “You’ve got like… Solo lines, and you’re dancing in the front a lot. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” Takaki answered, but the word came out as a bit of a sigh.
“What?” Inoo asked. He took another big bite--a quick chicken sandwich was his dinner for the night, picked up on his way home so he could lock himself in his bedroom--and chewed, forcing most of it down in one swallow before he continued. “You don’t like it?”
“It’s just not easy, that’s all.” Takaki said. “It’s fun, and cool and stuff, but it’s hard. It’s hard enough when I’m not in the front, but in the front everyone looks at you, and criticizes you, and…”
“Nobody is criticizing you.” Inoo said, and when Takaki made a slightly disbelieving sound, “Well, not yet. The single isn’t out.”
“Yeah, but they will.”
“You’re working hard, though.” Inoo said, because Takaki was. Inoo had seen it in practice; as soon as it came time for Takaki to dance in the front next to Yamada, his posture seemed to straighten, his movements becoming more precise and energetic. “Especially when it’s time for you to sing and dance.”
“You noticed that?” Takaki’s voice was slightly quieter in embarrassment at his next words. “You watch me?”
“You’re in the front.” Inoo answered, because the real answer was yes, but he wasn’t going to say that, so he had to make a joke instead. “You and your fancy hair are hogging all the mirror space.”
“It’s not that fancy.” Takaki grumbled back, but he sounded a little amused too. “But I guess… When I’m in the back, I feel like I blend in better. Or I can hide, or something.”
“Or you’re just too cool to care.” Inoo pointed out.
“You think I’m cool?”
“Not at all.”
“Hey!” Takaki’s level of indignance suggested very strongly that he’d expected a compliment, and Inoo couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “I’m at least a little cool. You have to admit it.”
“Yesterday morning you were going after Morimoto for not saying good morning to you, and I watched you trip and hit yourself in the face.” Inoo deadpanned. “It was very, very cool.”
“Okay, but that’s because you know me.” Takaki’s tone implied that he was still fishing for a compliment, and Inoo decided then and there that he wasn’t about to indulge him. But the admission that they knew each other--maybe even knew each other well--was nice to hear. “Now that Gokusen is over, our manager told me that I should try to get a ‘cool’ image, since nobody in our group really has one yet. I think I could do it.”
“...I guess I could see that.” Inoo admitted. Takaki had been pretty cool in Gokusen.
“It would be good, I think.” Takaki’s voice had gone quiet and uncharacteristically serious, Inoo finding himself leaning into the phone a little to listen. “It isn’t cool to have to try really hard, you know? I can act like I don’t care. Then if I fail it won’t really matter as much.”
“You have to still care though. In private, I mean.” Inoo wanted very much to lighten the mood. “You’re not allowed to be any more of a jerk than you already are.”
“...now I think you’re just being mean.” Takaki protested, and Inoo laughed.
It was Inoo’s mother that suggested that he move out of the house, and into an apartment in Tokyo. It was a crazy thought--he was only eighteen, and he would be starting college next year, and he had a life-consumingly busy job--but then Inoo realized why she was saying it. This was where he’d grown up, where his high school was only a couple of blocks away, with some of his classmates now working at shops he used to frequent. Getting out would help, especially with his anxiety. Tokyo was closer both to work and his to-be school, and while that was well and good, the anonymity of it was more than enough reason to go.
The group released Your Seed in July, and once the promotional period was over, Inoo began to pack up his stuff. He told his group mates, all of them ranging from surprised to impressed, with BEST all promising to help him unpack and settle in. He and his parents shopped for apartments on his days off, and once they decided on one, it was time to move.
On the actual day, most of the group was busy. Their manager had brought a van to help pack Inoo’s stuff in, and Inoo was thinking it would just be his family and his manager when he got a call.
“Hello?” Inoo answered. It was Takaki, and he sounded out of breath.
“Hey, so, uh…” Takaki paused, breathed again, let out a long exhale, and spoke. “Where is your house?”
“What?” Inoo asked back, bewildered.
“I asked Daiki if he was helping you move today, and he said no, that he was busy--” Inoo nodded; he knew all of that already, Daiki calling in the morning to apologize profusely and promise that he would help Inoo unpack tomorrow-- “and he gave your address, and I think I’m in the right neighborhood, but I can’t find your house.”
“You…” Inoo trailed off for a moment in disbelief. “You’re here? You’re in my neighborhood?”
“Yeah.” Takaki said, and his voice had both a bit of a grin, and an embarrassed tinge to it.
“Okay. I, uh… Hold on.” After explaining the situation to his parents, Inoo began down the street at a light jog. “Um, tell me what you see, I guess?”
It was a strange mess of phone-tag hide-and-seek, but after a good fifteen minutes of Takaki trying to explain his surroundings, and Inoo saying things like “wait do you mean…?” and “just stop walking” and “let me come to you” they finally met up, about a block and a half from the train station and three blocks from Inoo’s house.
“I see you.” Inoo said with a laugh as he turned down the street Takaki was on. Takaki’s back was to him.
“You do? Where?” Takaki ducked around the corner, still looking the complete wrong way, and Inoo couldn’t help but burst out laughing.
“Hey!” Takaki protested, and he began laughing too, Inoo finding himself cradling the phone to his ear, something he often did when Takaki laughed. “Stop laughing at me! I’m lost!”
They were now rather close; Inoo was sure that Takaki heard his voice in person before it managed to make it over the phone.
“Turn around, you idiot.”
Takaki did, and saw him, and the smile he’d grown from laughing didn’t fade; it just grew a bit, Takaki’s voice a little quiet and coming rather soft through the receiver.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” Inoo answered, and they were standing there, their cell phones to their ears, looking at each other. Takaki moved first, giving a little laugh and ending the call before placing his phone in his pocket, Inoo hastening to do the same.
“How did you even get this lost?” Inoo asked, already turning to begin walking back. He felt nervous; there was something safe and guarded about the barrier of talking on the phone. He felt almost exposed now, face to face. He tried very hard not to show it.
“Your neighborhood is so confusing!” Takaki exclaimed back.
“It so isn’t.”
“It is!” Takaki was laughing again, and Inoo couldn’t help it, laughing back. Conversation lulled slightly, and while Takaki seemed content to simply walk, Inoo wanted something to say.
“Thanks.” He finally decided on.
“Huh?”
“For coming to help.”
“Oh, yeah.” Takaki slid his hands into his pockets with a shrug. “‘Course.”
Inoo snorted, giving him a shrewd look. “What was that? Don’t say ‘course’.”
“What do you mean?”
Inoo exaggerated his slouch. “Are you trying to be cool?” He slid his hands into his pockets too, leaning back and lowering his voice in an awful imitation. “‘Course.”
“Hey, stop.” Takaki complained, drawing his shoulders together. “If you make fun of me I’ll leave, you know.”
“No you won’t. You won’t be able to find the train station.”
“Oh, shut up.”
It was a little awkward, watching Takaki interact with his family. They’d all met before, but only briefly, and not in a way that called for much communication. But Takaki was there to do a job, and being busy with a common goal was the easiest way to dispel awkwardness.
Inoo felt a little awkward around Takaki too. It was just weird, in a way, trying to decide how to act. The ways he interacted with the people in his life were all different; his mannerisms and comfort level with his family, with his groupmates, and then with Takaki specifically, were all distinct from each other, and it was hard to find a balance between the three. He thought he was doing a good job of toeing the line and simply acting normal when, while Takaki was helping his father load some rather heavy boxes into the van, his sister pulled him aside.
“What?” Inoo asked her. She didn’t answer, just raising her eyebrows and smirking. “What?”
Aki just smiled a little more, and something in her eyes made Inoo realize that she knew.
“Don’t.” He said, and he must have caught her off guard because she stopped, her face falling as she leaned back slightly.
“I was joking.” She said defensively. “You just keep looking at him so much.”
“I do?”
“Yeah. It’s not like, creepy though. Don’t worry.” Inoo did relax a bit at that assurance, and she frowned. “Does he know?”
“Know what?”
“That you’re, you know…”
“Oh. Yeah, actually. He kinda found out on accident, but yeah.” Aki had been the first one to find out that Inoo was gay, Inoo coming home one day with slurs scratched into his shoes by the bullies at school. She’d tried to comfort him by saying that “at least it wasn’t true”, and Inoo, too distraught to think too far ahead, had yelled at her that it was. He hadn’t even been comfortable with it himself at the time, but her acceptance of him, and jokes she made with him about hot actors or models had helped the process. He’d never formally told his parents, but they didn’t make many comments about his “future wife” or even a girlfriend, so he’d begun to think that maybe, they’d already figured it out and just weren’t going to say anything.
“And is he…?” Aki lowered her voice considerably, Takaki and Inoo’s dad beginning to reenter the house. They were unable to continue the conversation, but Inoo knew what she was asking-if Takaki was gay or not-so he caught her eye and shook his head, letting his eyes widen a bit.
Her response was to stick out her tongue and give a double thumbs-down, mouthing the word “lame”, and it was so funny that Inoo couldn’t hold in his snort of laughter. It was an embarrassing sound, lighting up pink when Takaki looked over at him in surprise.
“Was that you?” He asked incredulously, beginning to laugh, Inoo blushing harder and hitting him on the arm. Aki just smirked again, a box now in her arms, and went outside.
Moving his belongings into the apartment was exponentially more difficult than moving them out of the house. When the process started, Inoo took the time to direct the boxes into different rooms, but as time went on he began to care less, letting people drop whatever things wherever they wanted. It was an absolute wreck, but he figured that as long as he had space on the floor to sleep and the ability to find clothes to wear tomorrow, he would be fine.
The sun was going down by the time they’d finished. Their manager took off once his van was empty, accepting their thanks graciously and telling Inoo to call he needed anything. The rest of them, Takaki included, went out to dinner together. Takaki stuck by his side in the restaurant, clearly still feeling awkward, but Inoo was more than happy to take what he could get, enjoying the way their shoulders brushed and elbows would occasionally bump as they ate.
He said goodbye to his family at the crossroads to the train station, declining their invitation to come back and spend the night at home. He wanted to sleep in his own apartment, wanted to unpack a few things and test out how it would feel to be there alone. They also told him that they were only a phone call away, and that he needed to visit soon, and that he could ask them over at any time for any reason. He knew all of that already but thanked them anyway, Aki giving him a hug before they parted ways.
“Are you going to go too?” Inoo asked Takaki once his family was out of sight. He’d been able to feel Takaki hanging behind him, but had figured that he simply hadn’t wanted to interrupt family time and would step up to go once they were gone.
“Nah.” Takaki answered, continuing quickly when he saw Inoo’s expression of confusion. “I mean, I’m not going to stay, or anything. But I’ll walk you back.”
“Oh. Yeah, sure.”
They started down the street, silence falling between them again. It wasn’t an awkward silence, not really, but it still felt strange; when they talked on the phone, pauses were rare, things seeming to flow naturally. In person, there was so much more to take in and to worry about, and Inoo just felt nervous instead.
“You going to be alright by yourself?” Takaki asked, glancing over at him. He was pretty in the dim glow of the streetlights.
“Why?” Inoo asked, smiling teasingly at him. “You worried about me?”
“Of course I am.” Takaki answered without a hint of sarcasm, the response so genuine and unaffected by Inoo’s joking tone that Inoo was completely thrown off.
“I’ll be fine.” Inoo answered, feeling forced to be serious. “I mean, it’ll be weird and all, but I think it’s for the better, too.”
Takaki nodded thoughtfully. Takaki already lived on his own, but Inoo had never been to his apartment before.
“I mean, it is hard. Your family lives pretty close--closer than mine does, at least--so it won’t be too bad. It’s nice though, the freedom of it.”
Before much longer, they’d reached Inoo’s front door.
“Thanks again, for helping out today.” Inoo said, Takaki grinning and giving a bit of a shrug.
“Yeah.”
“You’re trying to be cool again.”
“I’m not!” Takaki protested, and Inoo laughed. “I’m leaving.”
“Good.” Inoo answered, and Takaki laughed back. “Let me know when you get home, okay?”
“What? Why?” Takaki raised an eyebrow. “You worried about me?”
“Shut up.” Was all Inoo could think to say, trying desperately to keep his expression as neutral as possible. He wasn’t sure he succeeded. “Go home.”
Still grinning, and wishing him a goodnight, Takaki did.
Living alone was almost exactly what Takaki said it was. The freedom was the best thing about it. His family was close enough to help him with anything he needed in terms of house-keeping, and money wasn’t really an issue, so none of that was of concern. But it could--and did--get lonely, too. Sometimes, Inoo would invite Daiki over and he would spend the night, occasionally bringing along whatever Hey! Say! 7 member was having a young teenager crisis at the time, sitting around on the floor together and eating cheap convenience store food. Aki came over a couple times too, complaining about how messy he was and forcing Inoo to watch whatever movie was her new favorite.
The solitude was especially nice when the group began practicing for their upcoming tour. The days were long, exhausting, and mentally taxing, with skits, lines of dialogue, and choreography Inoo had to remember. It was good to be able to get home, collapse on the couch, and completely cease to be a normally functioning human being. He could walk around half naked and eat whatever was most convenient, then pass out in bed without judgement.
When Hey! Say! JUMP-ing Tour ‘08-’09 officially began, a problem Inoo hadn’t expected presented itself. It was near impossible to actually talk to Takaki on the phone. Inoo couldn’t come up with a good excuse to call him, and more than that, he couldn’t figure out where he could go so they could talk privately. They weren’t allowed to be out of their hotel rooms alone out of fear for their safety; if anyone wanted to leave the hotel room they needed at least their manager to tag along, if not another group member.
Inoo found himself sharing a room with Ryutaro. That was fine, and Inoo did really like the kid, but sometimes felt that he was a little too receptive for his own good. While he probably wouldn’t care at all about the answers, Inoo knew he would have questions as to why Inoo was calling Takaki on the phone at night, especially since they didn’t really talk to each other during the day and face to face. In all honesty, the question was a fair one; Inoo wasn’t sure he had an answer. But he still wanted to talk to Takaki.
As if in accordance with his thoughts, Inoo’s phone began to ring, Takaki’s name on the screen. Inoo shot a quick glance over at Ryutaro--the kid in question had his DS screen lighting up his face, bulky headphones over his ears, and had not paid Inoo any mind for the past half hour--and after assessing that he probably wouldn’t care, slipped off into the bathroom.
“You’re calling me?” He asked, too surprised to waste time on a greeting.
“Well, yeah.” Takaki sounded slightly perturbed. “It’s the twenty-fourth. Is everything okay? Why are you whispering?”
“Where are you calling me from?” Inoo asked, wondering if Takaki was alone. They’d never explicitly said that they were keeping the phone calls a secret, but with the way they were ignored--and the way that they didn’t much acknowledge each other at all--Inoo had made the assumption that they were keeping that information on the down low.
“I went out on the balcony.” Takaki said. “I’m staying with Yabu. We were out here talking, but then he went in.”
“You’re outside?” Inoo couldn’t keep the shock from his voice. “It’s freezing out there!” It was the end of November, Chinen’s fifteenth birthday only six days away. It wasn’t actually below zero outside yet, but it had been getting closer and closer over the past few days.
“Yeah, but it’s our phone call day.” Takaki answered, sounding almost petulant. “We hadn’t missed one in almost six months. I didn’t want to start now.”
That answer--that reasoning--had butterflies exploding in Inoo’s chest. Because Takaki was right; they’d called each other on the twenty-fourth every single month for nearly half a year. Things had started out a little shaky, with Inoo unsure if “phone call day” was enough of an excuse to dial Takaki’s number, but once he found out that it was, he used it.
It wasn’t always him calling Takaki though, the simple fact that Takaki used the flimsy excuse to talk to him just as much as he did making things all the better. And they didn’t only talk one day of the month, but calls that landed on any other day usually had some purpose, some question needing answering or a conversation in mind. Even if they’d talked just the day before, one of them always called on the twenty-fourth. And Takaki wanted to keep the phone calls going so much that he was standing out in the cold alone.
“Oh!” Inoo couldn’t keep the swooning affection out of his voice--it would have killed him to try--so he exaggerated it instead, coming off sounding like a smothering aunt instead. “You wanted to talk to me!”
“It had better be worth it.” Takaki grumbled, though Inoo knew it wasn’t due to the cold conditions, and actually a reaction to his teasing. “I’m freezing my butt off out here.”
“You’d better be careful, you don’t have much real estate to mess around with.” Inoo told him, getting a splutter in response. “What do you want from me to make it worth your while, stud?”
At that, there was a clattering sound so loud that Inoo wrenched the phone from his ear in confusion. A quick scrambling noise followed, then there was silence, and Inoo had to ask.
“Did…” He didn’t know whether or not to laugh. “Did you just drop your phone?”
“Don’t talk about my butt.” Takaki said back, and it was near impossible for Inoo to stifle his laughter into silence. “Why do you sound weird?”
“I’m hiding in the bathroom.” Inoo finally decided to tell him. He’d expected a laugh, but Takaki just sounded confused.
“Why?”
“I’m sharing a room with Morimoto, and I don’t really want him overhearing or asking questions.” He explained. “I mean, he probably doesn’t care, and I guess I don’t really care either, but I know that if he hears anything, he’s going to tell it to Chinen whether he thinks it’s interesting or not.”
“That’s a good point.” Takaki allotted. “And if he tells Chinen, then Chinen is definitely going to ask me.”
He didn’t say why he didn’t want Chinen asking any questions, and Inoo didn’t ask for reasons. He just nodded to himself in silent confirmation that whatever they had going on, for whatever reason, was supposed to be private.
“Who did you say you were staying with? Yabu, right?” Inoo had been there when all room keys had been handed out, but he truly hadn’t been paying attention.
“Yeah.” Inoo could almost hear Takaki shrug. “We’ve been hanging out more lately. He seemed really tired earlier though; he’ll probably be asleep by the time I go back in.”
“Probably.” Inoo agreed, though he didn’t really have any frame of reference to agree with Takaki or not. “I think Yabu might be gay.”
Takaki’s reaction was about what Inoo expected: a full seven seconds of radio silence, followed by “Yabu’s gay?”
“Could be.” Inoo answered. He shrugged a little, though he knew Takaki couldn’t see it. “I get a vibe.”
“A… A vibe?” Takaki asked. “What vibe?”
“I think only I can detect it.” Inoo was trying hard not to laugh. “You know, since we’re similar in that way.”
“Do…” Takaki had lowered his voice almost to a whisper. “Do I have a vibe?”
He sounded so genuine that Inoo couldn’t help it anymore, the laugh bursting from his chest so loudly that it almost hurt.
“I--Hey!” Takaki seemed to realize that Inoo had been messing with him, his protest almost as loud as Inoo’s laugh. There was amusement in his tone when he continued though, the smile Inoo was imagining on his face making his heart swell. “You’re so mean!”
“I can’t help it, you just make it so easy.”
“So is Yabu isn’t gay?”
“I don’t know.” Inoo, tired of perching himself on the edge of the sink, slid down to sit on the bathroom rug and leaned back against the wall. “He could be.”
“You can’t tell?”
“I’m not saying that stereotypes don’t exist for a reason, but you can’t tell for sure just by looking if another person is gay or not.” Inoo explained, wondering when this stupid conversation had actually gotten serious. “There’s no kind of ‘gay radar’ thing. That isn’t actually real. Most of the time it’s just a ‘please be gay’ radar thing.”
Takaki chuckled a little at that. Before he could respond though, the bathroom door was wrenched open.
Ryutaro didn’t look the least bit surprised to see Inoo in there, or abashed in any way, as most teenage boys would be upon seeing another boy in the bathroom. He just looked at him for a couple of moments, taking in the fact that Inoo was sitting on the floor, and slipped his headphones down for them to rest around his neck.
“You’re being weird in here.” Ryutaro informed him. “I need to go to the bathroom.”
“Okay.” Inoo allotted because yes, that was fair. Then, into the phone, “I’ve got to go. Bye mom!”
“Mom?” Takaki echoed in confusion, but that’s as far as he got before Inoo hung up.