G1 Swindle. Prompt - 'secrets'
Secrets
Swindle was in his now customary “thinking” spot outside the caves. Above him, an overhanging rock provided shelter from the steady drizzle of rain which had been falling for a couple of days now. He had decided he liked this weather. It seemed to aid his thought processes. And he had been busy concluding that, all in all, his situation was very much better than it had been.
Well - of course it was! He was with his ‘other self,’ now. Properly. His new lover, his - bonding partner (Swindle still could hardly believe those words), so of course the Universe was wonderful. But Swindle had also made another, equally gratifying discovery: That when he was with his AU self, the gestalt simply didn’t figure in his processor. Not one wit! Oh it was still there, intact. But as though in another universe, and something utterly separate, something not needing of anything from him and not capable of interfering with himself and Swindle in their universe. So separate, in fact, that he had not even thought of it - or his partners - for a few days now.
However, now Swindle grimaced. He’d felt compelled to respond to one of the flashing ‘incoming’ messages in his HUD - the ones he was supposed to have said something about ages ago - oh yes, he’d been notably slack about the things, whatever they were. So he’d decided - in the spirit of his new improved state of mind - to do something about it. Fine - except that - had he had to choose this one? Secrets! I mean - it wasn’t exactly the easiest topic! Swindle had done so many sneaky things in his life and not told anyone that he hardly knew where to start!
Perhaps, Swindle reasoned, he should limit this to secrets he had from particular mechs. Like - his gestalt partners, for instance. Oh yes - them! And that was when he had found himself hauled suddenly from the world he shared with his counterpart - that sanctuary so safe from the Combaticon nightmare - and brought crashing back to the inevitable reality of the outfit he was part of.
And now that had happened, the gestalt seemed suddenly important again. Vivid - real - and that other universe he had with his counterpart - well that had not ceased to be the most wonderful place and filled with the greatest happiness he had ever known. It just seemed to somehow - fade - from his consciousness. Swindle guessed, then, that when he was in one realm, the other was somehow excluded. But also, that he could avoid neither.
The little red light flashed again. Secrets! Of course, the annoying little word was not without difficulties where his team mates were concerned. It was hard to have secrets from them - because - well - because they were his team mates! But he had to say something!
There’s one thing they don’t know ....
Swindle sighed. He did not want to write about it. He was fed up with writing things down! He decided to make a voice recording. It would be quicker. Over sooner. Then when he’d done it he could stick it away somewhere that hopefully nobody could find it, but if whoever was sending out these ‘words’ wanted to see it he could dig it out.
What he did not realize was that in thinking about Vortex and Blast Off, he had unwittingly tuned into their frequencies and would be transmitting freely to them.
Pausing and clearing his vocaliser, Swindle began:
// At one time or another I had a crush on each and every one of my gestalt partners. Yeah! Sounds ridiculous, I know. But I did! \\ Then he said quickly, // I’m not talking about recently, of course! I mean - eons ago. Before the war. Long before we were - gestalt partners. I was pretty run of the mill then, you see. Trying to make it in business. And not doing very well. ... \\ He paused for a moment, thinking back. //All cheapskate schemes, it was. Like that Towers ‘antique’ business and that bank loan caper thing. Guaranteed to end in trouble. And I was a nobody. A nothing! A nothing who couldn’t get beyond - well - ending up in court for rubbish like that!
// And then, suddenly - there they were. And I was working for Onslaught. He needed somebody like me - set up a few contacts, make a few deliveries here and there. Get a bit of info - get some money together. This and that. And it was so - easy! Not above board, of course, most of it, I knew that. But hey - sooo much better than the boring, shove-it-in-your-face stuff I was doing before.
// Before I knew it, I was doing much bigger things. Not just on Cybertron, but interplanetary deals. All sorts, but weapons, mainly. I sussed how to do it without breaking the rules. Bending them a little, perhaps - but that was easy to do, cos Cybertronian import regulations were quite slack in those days. I mean - if you break a weapon into component parts it isn’t really a weapon any more, is it? Onslaught thought I was cool, figuring that. He must have. He kept coming up with orders ....
Swindle paused, finding himself enjoying the memory of those days. Encouraged, he went on, // And it was a dangerous game. Exciting! And I learned how to take care of myself pretty well, but it wouldn’t have mattered if I hadn’t, cos nobody messed with me. I had backup. See? Yeah, that’s right! Nobody stuffed me about with Onslaught’s mob hanging around.\\ Swindle took a deep intake of the damp air, filled with memories of how things had been, // They - the mob - were so dangerous and exciting, but there if I needed them .... I thought they were just the greatest mechanisms the universe had ever produced!
Swindle went on, enthused further, //And I had money! Lots of it - oh yeah - the job paid well. I had nice things, too, and a load of mechs and femmes hanging off me. Oh yeah - I may not have been the best looking mech on Cybertron,, but it’s amazing who comes out of the seams when you’re loaded. Yeah I’d gotten to be something. As opposed to a nothing. The money mech who put it all together.
// But I didn’t want any of that lot who were throwing themselves at me! I wanted ..... \\
Swindle paused. This was the hard part. // I wanted one of them! Especially Vortex or Brawl. To be a part of things with them in that way! I could not have imagined anything better at the time. But nor in my wildest dreams would I ever have told them ..... \\ Swindle shuttered his optics and felt himself glow hotly, amazed that after all this time this could still have that effect.
Then his voice took on a less elevated tone, one tinged with more than a little bitterness: // Not that it was ever going to be like that! Even in those days, they thought I was a joke. Vortex thought I was a joke. Just a greedy little piece of pit. In it for the money only. He never appreciated my true worth! He thought he had better reasons for doing it, I think. Like - well, I dunno! The rush. Glory. Having a cool alt mode. Something to do with the fact that he could do dreadful things to mechs and nobody raised an optic ridge. I mesn, when you think about it - what an afthole! I really don’t know how it was I got the hots for someone like that. Or any of the rest of them! But I did ....
With a hissed intake, Swindle went on, // Yeah, I did ..... but it wasn’t just their excitingness. They had a way of enjoying themselves, of having a laugh no matter what. Vortex could always make me laugh. And we got along all right, I think, in those days, mostly cos of that. And they never knew I wanted them - him especially - to want me in a different way. Although I always did, and it was because of that I got in far deeper with the whole thing than I ever should have.
// Then there was Megatron, then things went wrong, then we were in the box together. Then the gestalt, and I don’t feel like going on about the rest .... \\
Swindle paused for a moment, painful currents running through his circuits like an injection of shattered glass. He whispered: // So that’s my secret. And it will stay that way. Although I might tell Blast Off about it sometime. Blast Off has been all right. I told him about my bond and he said quite nice things and didn’t mind . I am going to go and see him soon and tell him that I appreciated that, and it’s all worked out OK. I t might feel better to tell him about the secret .... tell him how I always wanted it to be Vortex or Brawl - or even him - that I ended up with and how much it cut me up that it wasn’t.
Swindle stopped himself in his tracks. A shudder went through his circuits. // What am I saying? I’m not telling him! And I’d never tell Vortex! Primus no - imagine him having the satisfaction of knowing something like that! \\
// No - its just something better kept to myself. I wouldn't want Swindle to know either. Even if it was a long time ago. It might upset him. And I never want to do that. \\
Swindle let out a long slow hiss of air. It was late in the day, and he found himself tired, suddenly, and desperately missing his spark-mate, and not wanting to be in the gestalt world, or to say any more. He concluded, // It’s long past, all this. What I felt. I will keep it secret. It makes no difference what I might have wanted in the past. I have everything I could ever want now. And the gestalt is just something I am in that I have to make the best of. Yes! That is how it is going to be. \\
Satisfied he had done probably more than what was required by the ‘voice,’ Swindle snapped off the recording and sat staring blankly at the rain ghosting through the trees, a part of two worlds, but for just a little while, in neither.