(Untitled)

[weetanya]

Title: Watching Him Watching Her by weetanya (fic journal atama_ga_itai)
Disclaimer: Not mine, just my fandom.
Rating: PG-13
Request: aethrin -- Fuji takes an interest in Sakuno. Ryoma doesn't know what to make of the situation. Fuji/Sakuno subtext. Fuji/Ryoma UST. Fuji/Tezuka implied past or present.
Author's note: Sakuno. Author's warning: Sakuno. Author would like to

Comments

[qem_chibati]

Aiiyeee! o.o;

This was lovely. There were a few points that jolted me, Tezuka's characterisation seemed a little off, he's dialogue didn't seem to fit. v.v;;

But I loved the way that Fuji noticed Sakuno's eyes following him, but not Ryouma's.

[weetanya]

I completely agree with you: I totally can't write good Tezuka. But I try. ^^

Thanks for reading/reviewing.

[weetanya]

I've edited Tezuka! Let me know if I should go further, and where. ^^ Thanks!

[qem_chibati]

Ack, I feel somewhat stupid, because Tezuka is very hard to characterise, but I think you did improve it with the edit.

Gah. And sorry my review was so short, I swear I said more than that, but it looks like LJ cut it out.

I really liked the way that you introduced Sakuno through Fuji's vision explaining exactly what he thought of her, something that a lot of people could identify with and expect, and then how she attracted his attention, which is out of the normal.

[kat8cha]

Tiger! I liked it! Mou, Fuji was just.... and he managed to miss Echizen staring at him because he always does but caught Sakuno. XD Who I liked in this! Usually she just annoys me.

Cut her hair, wearing shorts. Yeah, I can see that. It'd be cute.

[weetanya]

Thanks, eighth cat. It was all about people's blindness, I suppose...

Thanks for liking my crossdressing Fuji-lookalike Sakuno. ^^

[aethrin]

But Sakuno? Echizen sighed. Sakuno was just unfair. Of all the lines that I read, this one stuck out the most. I can just imagine Ryoma's wry expression at the unfairness of it all.

Your characterization is certainly, hm, different from what I expected. However, it's very cute, especially when Sakuno states that she doesn't view Fuji in that manner. I can imagine Fuji being bemused by the girl's boldness; certainly, he wouldn't have expected the old Sakuno to react in such a manner. Tezuka's possessiveness in light of Ryoma's presence offered the reader an intimate experience between Fuji's two paramours. I loved when Fuji brought up how ambitious First Years have gotten with stealing Regular positions and now, aiming to steal boyfriends.

♥

[weetanya]

Thank you for your kindness with this review! Getting characterizations right is something I'm currently working on, and Sakuno proved to be surprisingly tough!

Sakuno is hardly my marysue, but I found I had to justify her quietness somehow. I decided that for her, it was all about very carefully observing everything...

Apologies for not quite writing your fantasy. I'd love to see your own take on your fantasy!

[numisma]

I'll second the o.O over Tezuka's characterisation that Qemqem voiced. Other than that, though, I really liked this.

[weetanya]

Grin. I'd better fix that, ne? If you don't mind giving me an example of a change, I'll add it (after i really wake up in a few hours) & credit you with helping.

Or someone else who reads this & has the same reservation -- please feel free to chime in with aid. I'd love to do away with the o.0. ^^

Thanks for reading this story.

[numisma]

Nnn~ I just see him as so utterly stoic. Not antisocial!stoic (e.g. Ryoma when he's not being a cocky smartass), but more less-expressive!stoic. I wish I knew any suggestions of making him sound more Tezuka-ish, though. Forgive me.

[weetanya]

I've edited Tezuka! Let me know if I should go further, and where. ^^ Thanks!

[aiwritingfic]

Mmm. I really liked this one. Especially cross-dressing Sakuno. <3 Mmm.