(Untitled)

Apr 07, 2006 19:07

Title: Watching Him Watching Her by weetanya (fic journal atama_ga_itai)
Disclaimer: Not mine, just my fandom.
Rating: PG-13
Request: aethrin -- Fuji takes an interest in Sakuno. Ryoma doesn't know what to make of the situation. Fuji/Sakuno subtext. Fuji/Ryoma UST. Fuji/Tezuka implied past or present.
Author's note: Sakuno. Author's warning: Sakuno. Author would like to ( Read more... )

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Comments 15

qem_chibati April 7 2006, 23:49:16 UTC
Aiiyeee! o.o;

This was lovely. There were a few points that jolted me, Tezuka's characterisation seemed a little off, he's dialogue didn't seem to fit. v.v;;

But I loved the way that Fuji noticed Sakuno's eyes following him, but not Ryouma's.

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weetanya April 7 2006, 23:54:32 UTC
I completely agree with you: I totally can't write good Tezuka. But I try. ^^

Thanks for reading/reviewing.

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weetanya April 8 2006, 12:39:00 UTC
I've edited Tezuka! Let me know if I should go further, and where. ^^ Thanks!

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qem_chibati April 9 2006, 08:49:54 UTC
Ack, I feel somewhat stupid, because Tezuka is very hard to characterise, but I think you did improve it with the edit.

Gah. And sorry my review was so short, I swear I said more than that, but it looks like LJ cut it out.

I really liked the way that you introduced Sakuno through Fuji's vision explaining exactly what he thought of her, something that a lot of people could identify with and expect, and then how she attracted his attention, which is out of the normal.

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kat8cha April 7 2006, 23:55:36 UTC
Tiger! I liked it! Mou, Fuji was just.... and he managed to miss Echizen staring at him because he always does but caught Sakuno. XD Who I liked in this! Usually she just annoys me.

Cut her hair, wearing shorts. Yeah, I can see that. It'd be cute.

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weetanya April 8 2006, 00:00:37 UTC
Thanks, eighth cat. It was all about people's blindness, I suppose...

Thanks for liking my crossdressing Fuji-lookalike Sakuno. ^^

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aethrin April 8 2006, 00:38:42 UTC
But Sakuno? Echizen sighed. Sakuno was just unfair. Of all the lines that I read, this one stuck out the most. I can just imagine Ryoma's wry expression at the unfairness of it all.

Your characterization is certainly, hm, different from what I expected. However, it's very cute, especially when Sakuno states that she doesn't view Fuji in that manner. I can imagine Fuji being bemused by the girl's boldness; certainly, he wouldn't have expected the old Sakuno to react in such a manner. Tezuka's possessiveness in light of Ryoma's presence offered the reader an intimate experience between Fuji's two paramours. I loved when Fuji brought up how ambitious First Years have gotten with stealing Regular positions and now, aiming to steal boyfriends.

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weetanya April 8 2006, 00:46:46 UTC
Thank you for your kindness with this review! Getting characterizations right is something I'm currently working on, and Sakuno proved to be surprisingly tough!

Sakuno is hardly my marysue, but I found I had to justify her quietness somehow. I decided that for her, it was all about very carefully observing everything...

Apologies for not quite writing your fantasy. I'd love to see your own take on your fantasy!

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numisma April 8 2006, 09:11:10 UTC
I'll second the o.O over Tezuka's characterisation that Qemqem voiced. Other than that, though, I really liked this.

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weetanya April 8 2006, 09:25:58 UTC
Grin. I'd better fix that, ne? If you don't mind giving me an example of a change, I'll add it (after i really wake up in a few hours) & credit you with helping.

Or someone else who reads this & has the same reservation -- please feel free to chime in with aid. I'd love to do away with the o.0. ^^

Thanks for reading this story.

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numisma April 8 2006, 09:30:47 UTC
Nnn~ I just see him as so utterly stoic. Not antisocial!stoic (e.g. Ryoma when he's not being a cocky smartass), but more less-expressive!stoic. I wish I knew any suggestions of making him sound more Tezuka-ish, though. Forgive me.

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weetanya April 8 2006, 12:38:40 UTC
I've edited Tezuka! Let me know if I should go further, and where. ^^ Thanks!

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aiwritingfic April 13 2006, 13:11:44 UTC
Mmm. I really liked this one. Especially cross-dressing Sakuno. <3 Mmm.

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