[Log] On your Lips
Who: Echizen Ryoma & Dan Taichi
What: Taichi learns what happened to Ryoma's ears, among other things.
When: After this log
Where: Ryoma's hospital room
WARNINGS: Rated R for the subject matter; mentions of rape, violent torture, and HIV
To say that Dan was hesitant would have been a severe understatement. He paused at the door before he even dared to knock on it. Hopefully Ryoma had calmed down... because Dan wanted to be with him. Needed to be with him. He hadn't been there to help... at least he should be there now.
Finally, he gathered his courage and knocked on the door, opening it then just a fraction. "...Ryo?" he asked carefully. "May I come in?"
"Yes." The reply didn't come immediately, but it did, voice weak and faint. Ryoma lay on his side, curled up with legs pulled up to his chest and arms hugging the pillow he rested his head on.
Dan stepped in, closing the room behind himself rather hesitantly. "...How are you feeling?" It was a somewhat stupid question, but at least it was better than asking if he was all right, considering the answer to that one was obvious.
"I don't know. I'm not dead. I don't know." Mumbled. His fingers twitched, ever so slightly.
"...That's good at least." Dan walked slowly closer to him. "I don't know what I'd do if you were dead."
"Die, die, die..." Ryoma mumbled, without looking up. "HIV, Tai. I'm gonna, gonna die. Gonna vanish."
"No, you aren't. Not for a long time." Dan crouched down next to the bed, hand carefully reaching for Ryoma's hand. "I'm not going to let you."
"You can't stop it." Ryoma sighed, tilting his head backwards. Hair fell away from his face, fanning out around his head.
"It's not an immediate death sentence, you know." Dan's thumb caressed the back of Ryoma's hand. "There's --" he paused, eyes widening in something akin to horror. "Ryoma... what happened to your ears?"
Tug. Tug, tug, tug. Ryoma's hands reached up to cup his shredded earlobes, and he shivered. "No, please, don't pull!"
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. "Ryo, it's all right," Dan assured him, fighting against tears. "It's all right... nobody's hurting you anymore."
"Please don't, please don't..." He rocked back and forth, as much as you could do that while laying in a bed.
"Ryo, listen to me!" Dan was getting desperate, now. "Ryo, it's me... it's Taichi... nobody's hurting you, just please..."
"Begged him to stop, I did, I really did, but he just kept pulling and then they were gone, they were gone, Taichi...!" At least he realized who he was talking to now.
"They are gone now," Taichi reassured him. "You're safe."
"They laughed. They fucked me directly afterwards and they laughed." Still rocking.
"They were filthy bastards who deserved to die." Delivered in a frighteningly calm tone.
The tone made him calm down, made him calm down enough to stare at him at least. "I'm filthy, not them."
"No, you're not." Taichi was crying now and didn't even bother to try to stop it. "There's nothing wrong with you. You did nothing to deserve that desu..." An extra desu. Yes, he was upset. How could he not have been?
"Filthy. Filthy gaijin. Gaijin monkey." He was clawing at his face now. "I should just fuck off!" The heart rate machine started beeping faster and faster.
"Ryo!" Alarmed, Taichi grasped on his wrists, forcing his hands away from his face. "Ryo, look at me. Focus on me. Please..."
His body shook and blood leaked from a surprisingly deep scratch on his cheek. "T--Tai..." A nurse entered the room, looking alarmed as well, and she ushered Taichi gently to the side while she checked up on Ryoma, giving him sedatives and seeing to the wound.
"Is he going to be all right?" Taichi asked, trying to wipe away his tears.
"His mental condition is extremely fragile right now," the nurse said while finishing up. "What were you talking about?"
"I... I just noticed his ears," Taichi murmured. "He had a flashback or something..."
"I see." She paused, giving Ryoma a concerned look. "He'll wake up soon. Do you know if you have something that could calm him down further? Something familiar to him that he could... Relate to? That doesn't have to do with..." She couldn't bring herself to say 'the abduction'. It was the first patient she had that had been subjected to something like that, and a child on top of that. She still wasn't jaded enough to pretend it didn't get to her on a personal level.
"...I think so." Assuming it was going to work. But, given that it would be impossible to get Karupin to the hospital, it was the best he could do...
The nurse nodded at him and left the room. Ryoma lay still, fresh bandage on his face, skin pale and sweaty against his dark hair. Dark, dark rings under his eyes.
Taichi returned to Ryoma's bedside, quietly stroking his hand, looking at his face in concern.
Fifteen minutes passed, twenty, twenty-five... When almost half an hour had passed, Ryoma's eyelids fluttered open and he tried to focus. "... Tai...?"
"Ryo." Taichi had by now gotten his tears to stop, still quietly petting Ryoma's hand. "...Sorry."
"For what," he asked, voice hoarse.
"For... bringing things up." He bit his lip.
"Doesn't matter. Not your fault... Always in my mind anyway. It's just... They... They were having so much fun."
"They were sick." Taichi squeezed his hand.
"They can't come here. They can't, right?"
"Of course they can't." Taichi's voice was confident. "I won't let them."
"... You can't stop them." Maybe. Or maybe he could. Maybe it was just Ryoma that failed because he was stupid and a gaijin and... He forced his thoughts to stop going down that line, squeezing his eyes shut. "My cheek hurts."
"I won't let them get to you." Taichi nodded, not that Ryoma could see it with his eyes shut. "It'll heal."
"I... What did I do? I don't remember..."
"...You scratched your face." Taichi's hand was gentle but firm on Ryoma's.
"Oh." Well, what else to say about that? "... Hurts," he pointed out. Again.
"I know." Taichi hesitated. Something to take Ryoma's mind out of it... "Ano... Ryoma...?"
"... Yes?" Blink.
"I..." He breathed in. "I brought you this." He took a barely opened tube of grape Ponta flavoured lip gloss from his pocket. "I... I held onto it while in Tokyo desu..."
"What's... oh." He reached out a hand, showing Dan the palm. "Give me?"
Dan gave it to him. "It kept me from getting too hopeless desu," he said. "...It reminded me of you."
"..." Tears in his eyes this time, as he was removing the cap and applying a little bit of the lip gloss on his lower lip. The familiar taste and smell of Ponta made the tears fall even faster, but he almost, just almost managed to smile. "Tai..."
"You'll be all right," Taichi murmured. "Just give it time. You'll be all right eventually... and I'll be there all the way. Promise."
"All the way?"
"All the way," Taichi said firmly. "No matter what desu."
What: Taichi learns what happened to Ryoma's ears, among other things.
When: After this log
Where: Ryoma's hospital room
WARNINGS: Rated R for the subject matter; mentions of rape, violent torture, and HIV
To say that Dan was hesitant would have been a severe understatement. He paused at the door before he even dared to knock on it. Hopefully Ryoma had calmed down... because Dan wanted to be with him. Needed to be with him. He hadn't been there to help... at least he should be there now.
Finally, he gathered his courage and knocked on the door, opening it then just a fraction. "...Ryo?" he asked carefully. "May I come in?"
"Yes." The reply didn't come immediately, but it did, voice weak and faint. Ryoma lay on his side, curled up with legs pulled up to his chest and arms hugging the pillow he rested his head on.
Dan stepped in, closing the room behind himself rather hesitantly. "...How are you feeling?" It was a somewhat stupid question, but at least it was better than asking if he was all right, considering the answer to that one was obvious.
"I don't know. I'm not dead. I don't know." Mumbled. His fingers twitched, ever so slightly.
"...That's good at least." Dan walked slowly closer to him. "I don't know what I'd do if you were dead."
"Die, die, die..." Ryoma mumbled, without looking up. "HIV, Tai. I'm gonna, gonna die. Gonna vanish."
"No, you aren't. Not for a long time." Dan crouched down next to the bed, hand carefully reaching for Ryoma's hand. "I'm not going to let you."
"You can't stop it." Ryoma sighed, tilting his head backwards. Hair fell away from his face, fanning out around his head.
"It's not an immediate death sentence, you know." Dan's thumb caressed the back of Ryoma's hand. "There's --" he paused, eyes widening in something akin to horror. "Ryoma... what happened to your ears?"
Tug. Tug, tug, tug. Ryoma's hands reached up to cup his shredded earlobes, and he shivered. "No, please, don't pull!"
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. "Ryo, it's all right," Dan assured him, fighting against tears. "It's all right... nobody's hurting you anymore."
"Please don't, please don't..." He rocked back and forth, as much as you could do that while laying in a bed.
"Ryo, listen to me!" Dan was getting desperate, now. "Ryo, it's me... it's Taichi... nobody's hurting you, just please..."
"Begged him to stop, I did, I really did, but he just kept pulling and then they were gone, they were gone, Taichi...!" At least he realized who he was talking to now.
"They are gone now," Taichi reassured him. "You're safe."
"They laughed. They fucked me directly afterwards and they laughed." Still rocking.
"They were filthy bastards who deserved to die." Delivered in a frighteningly calm tone.
The tone made him calm down, made him calm down enough to stare at him at least. "I'm filthy, not them."
"No, you're not." Taichi was crying now and didn't even bother to try to stop it. "There's nothing wrong with you. You did nothing to deserve that desu..." An extra desu. Yes, he was upset. How could he not have been?
"Filthy. Filthy gaijin. Gaijin monkey." He was clawing at his face now. "I should just fuck off!" The heart rate machine started beeping faster and faster.
"Ryo!" Alarmed, Taichi grasped on his wrists, forcing his hands away from his face. "Ryo, look at me. Focus on me. Please..."
His body shook and blood leaked from a surprisingly deep scratch on his cheek. "T--Tai..." A nurse entered the room, looking alarmed as well, and she ushered Taichi gently to the side while she checked up on Ryoma, giving him sedatives and seeing to the wound.
"Is he going to be all right?" Taichi asked, trying to wipe away his tears.
"His mental condition is extremely fragile right now," the nurse said while finishing up. "What were you talking about?"
"I... I just noticed his ears," Taichi murmured. "He had a flashback or something..."
"I see." She paused, giving Ryoma a concerned look. "He'll wake up soon. Do you know if you have something that could calm him down further? Something familiar to him that he could... Relate to? That doesn't have to do with..." She couldn't bring herself to say 'the abduction'. It was the first patient she had that had been subjected to something like that, and a child on top of that. She still wasn't jaded enough to pretend it didn't get to her on a personal level.
"...I think so." Assuming it was going to work. But, given that it would be impossible to get Karupin to the hospital, it was the best he could do...
The nurse nodded at him and left the room. Ryoma lay still, fresh bandage on his face, skin pale and sweaty against his dark hair. Dark, dark rings under his eyes.
Taichi returned to Ryoma's bedside, quietly stroking his hand, looking at his face in concern.
Fifteen minutes passed, twenty, twenty-five... When almost half an hour had passed, Ryoma's eyelids fluttered open and he tried to focus. "... Tai...?"
"Ryo." Taichi had by now gotten his tears to stop, still quietly petting Ryoma's hand. "...Sorry."
"For what," he asked, voice hoarse.
"For... bringing things up." He bit his lip.
"Doesn't matter. Not your fault... Always in my mind anyway. It's just... They... They were having so much fun."
"They were sick." Taichi squeezed his hand.
"They can't come here. They can't, right?"
"Of course they can't." Taichi's voice was confident. "I won't let them."
"... You can't stop them." Maybe. Or maybe he could. Maybe it was just Ryoma that failed because he was stupid and a gaijin and... He forced his thoughts to stop going down that line, squeezing his eyes shut. "My cheek hurts."
"I won't let them get to you." Taichi nodded, not that Ryoma could see it with his eyes shut. "It'll heal."
"I... What did I do? I don't remember..."
"...You scratched your face." Taichi's hand was gentle but firm on Ryoma's.
"Oh." Well, what else to say about that? "... Hurts," he pointed out. Again.
"I know." Taichi hesitated. Something to take Ryoma's mind out of it... "Ano... Ryoma...?"
"... Yes?" Blink.
"I..." He breathed in. "I brought you this." He took a barely opened tube of grape Ponta flavoured lip gloss from his pocket. "I... I held onto it while in Tokyo desu..."
"What's... oh." He reached out a hand, showing Dan the palm. "Give me?"
Dan gave it to him. "It kept me from getting too hopeless desu," he said. "...It reminded me of you."
"..." Tears in his eyes this time, as he was removing the cap and applying a little bit of the lip gloss on his lower lip. The familiar taste and smell of Ponta made the tears fall even faster, but he almost, just almost managed to smile. "Tai..."
"You'll be all right," Taichi murmured. "Just give it time. You'll be all right eventually... and I'll be there all the way. Promise."
"All the way?"
"All the way," Taichi said firmly. "No matter what desu."