I remember last year like it was yesterday. My fionce and I went our separtate ways. Only after helping me get into and apartment. I had to take over her old apartment in Apollo beach. She got up and left meand in the process, she tried to clean me out. I can still hear the echoes of lies and deception as she walked away ( Read more... )

I have a new thought process that occupies my mind. I feel almost as if I jacked my brain up to the next level. It is so much easier to function so much faster with not as many mistakes. I never expected the ever most interesting after effects that I have been enlightened with. While on the trip, it is normal for thoughts to go through your ( Read more... )

Minus the psychological mess I have gotten into, it seems things are going to get better. Financially, my worries are over. I got a job at the Fairfield Inn and Suites. My boss is going to pay me for my vacation when I leave. That's 80 hours at the expense of a little R&R since I wont be taking the vacation. I think it is worth it. I would ( Read more... )

I need something to vent to and I'm being stalked on mysapce so W/E ( Read more... )

When out of my favorite herbal suppliment, valerian root helps calm my nerves like a mild calm with a touch of clarity. Drink more water! Lay off alcohol! Dont drink cocao with two heaping table spoons of pure cocoa. Definately not at midnight. Not sure if i will be able too sleep and afraid that if I sleep, I will dream some silly junk, maybe ( Read more... )

Phenethylamine:  I love you, I hate you

I dont want to laugh, I dont want to cry.
I dont want to live, I dont want to die. 
I dont want to come down, I dont want to get high. 
I dont want to quit,  I dont want to try

I dont want sex, I can abstain
I dont want love, It just causes me pain.

Regardless of how hard I try,
no matter what I do, tell me why ( Read more... )

All night long I know I have been actively dreaming. I can remember ALOT from the dreams. It seems like the dreams lasted forever. It was like the channels kept switching. The awareness of being trapped in this dreamworld all hit me when I woke up. I feel like I have awoken of a nightmare only In the dream I didnt know It was a nightmare. I ( Read more... )

I just recieved an email about a password reset. My regards go out to the loser that devotes time to hacking my password for livejournal. Nice try. Better luck next time.

Finally, my room has taken on some structure. Just filled my waterbed, the one I just crawled out of. Totally worth the money. One more step to the life.

Today is one of those days. Fear and panic creeping up on me. Not even sure what it is but it feels like there is a dark shadowy existence around the corner waiting to pounce on me. Feelings of guilt acompany this anxiety. Raging inside, screaming inside my head. Moments of joy usually counteract this. Like last night when I skateboarded ( Read more... )