Stillness (Wild Adapter, PG-13, yaoi, Kubota x Tokitoh)
Author: kickinpants
Title: Stillness
Fandom: Wild Adapter
Genre: Yaoi
Disclaimer: Minekura Kazuya owns all that is WA.
Warning: Language...and uh, sap.
Challenge: 2am
Notes: Took the full 2 hours and a couple minutes to edit. Feedback is always appreciated and thank you. ^_^
Stillness
There's this moment at night when everything is so still and quiet, it's like the world has stopped. In that pause, everything- from cars to whoever is still up wandering the city- has fallen into this stillness, like they're asleep right there on the street. But not everyone has stopped. There has to be one awake to hear it, this quiet, this nothing in the night, otherwise, is it even really there?
Or is it just a dream?
----
It used to be his favorite moment- that pause when everything stopped but him. It was like he was the only one alive in the world. If he looked out through his blinds, he'd see differently. He'd see the glow of the 7-11 down the street, or the taxi turning the corner, or the salaryman stumbling home after a late night of drinking. He'd see he was not alone, so that is why he kept his blinds down at night. He lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. It was just him and his cigarette, and behind the stillness, his heart beat away, reminding him every moment, no matter how quiet, he was still alive.
-----
"Hey, Kubota-san." A hand touched his shoulder, tapping it gently.
"...Hm?" He didn't lift him head up from where he lay on the couch.
"Kubota-san, c'mon." The tapping grew a little more forceful. "It's late. It's time to close up the office. You don't want to sleep here. C'mon, wake up."
"Why?" He turned his head and looked up. His glasses were lying on the table, and Komiya seemed to float over him like a ghost, blurred in the shadows of the fluorescent light above him.
"Because." He looked around. "It's the office. We've been here for hours, and there's no work. Look, it's already two." He waved at the clock on the wall. "Don't you want to go home and sleep-" He stopped when Kubota reached out and took his hand.
"Shhhhhhh..." He put a finger over his lips. "Listen."
They both stayed still, Komiya standing over the couch while Kubota remained on it, holding his hand. There was no sound outside of Komiya's quickened breathing.
"I- I don't hear anything."
"Exactly." Kubota smiled, and squeezing his hand once before letting go, he lay back down. "It's the best sound in the world, don't you think? When everything's quiet. Like there's nothing else, nothing else in the whole world."
There was another pause, only broken by the sound of him repositioning himself on the couch. He heard something else settle down on the leather, and he looked up to see Komiya sitting on the armrest. He was looking off towards the wall, away from Kubota.
"...For me-" he started, and then, as if thinking better of it, he stopped, ducked his head, and looked down at his shoes.
"What?"
"It's nothing." He shook his head, gripping his hands together.
Kubota raised his eyebrows a little. "Okay." He shrugged and laid his head back down. Another moment, another pause filled the room. He wondered if Komiya was going to sleep sitting on that armrest.
"...It's nothing, but..."
Kubota kept his head down and his eyes closed. He listened as word by word, Komiya filled the quiet.
"...for me, you know, like, you said that the best sound was when it gets all quiet, like you're all alone. But for me, it's- the best sound, I mean, is when it's all quiet, but not too quiet, you know? It's this quiet, late at night, right before dawn, and my mom comes home. And she's all gone on some shit and banging around at first. When I was a kid, I could hear her come in, throw off her shoes and stomp down the hall, and sometimes she'd be crying or yelling. But then..."
He trailed off, and they fell back into the quiet. Kubota opened his eyes a little and moved his head. Komiya the blur still sat on the armrest. Even without his glasses on, Kubota could tell that Komiya was looking at him.
"...it'd get so quiet, just suddenly. And I'd get up, and go into the other room, and I'd find her on the floor or sitting in a chair, and she'd just be...so quiet. I'd go up to her and I'd- I'd-" he swallowed, and looked away from Kubota. "I'd take her and hold her, right there on the floor even, just to make sure. And it'd be so quiet, just her sleeping, and me listening with my ear pressed right here on her." He patted his chest. "So quiet, I could hear it, you know. Her heart. I could hear it." He smiled. "And that was the best. That no matter how gone it got- she got- that I could still hear it. And it was then I knew I could go back to bed."
The room was so quiet when he finished, Kubota could hear a car driving off down the street.
"...Yeah." Komiya scratched at his ear and looked down at the floor. "I know it's pretty stupid."
"Mm." Kubota reached out to the table and took his glasses. He put them back on, and the world returned to its clarity. No more ghosts, he thought, just us. He got up from the couch, stretched, and looked at his watch. "Looks like it's past my bedtime." Grabbing his jacket, he walked over to the door. "You coming?"
"Huh?" Komiya looked like he'd just woken up. "Where you going?"
"Home." He opened the door. "You're welcome to stay here if you like, maybe sleep some." He stepped out and started down the steps. "Me, I'd like to get back before it gets light."
He counted the seconds, one-two-three, and he heard the door slam shut behind him. He didn't turn around. He could hear the other set of footsteps pound down the stairs.
"Good night, Kubota-san,"
"Good night." And good morning, he smiled, and started to walk down the street. Checking his watch, he realized he should have timed his "nap" better. The trains won't start for another few hours. Letting out a small sigh, he stopped and lit his cigarette. Looking up, he caught sight of Komiya as he turned the corner, his bleached hair a pale white under the streetlamps,
"You'll make it." He started his long walk home. "Me, I'm not so sure. But you, you'll make it."
At least tonight.
------
The bedroom door opened, and Kubota turned his head at the sound. Even in the dark, and even with his glasses off, he could still make out Tokitoh's silhouette in the doorway. He stood there, one foot in, one foot out, as if unsure of what to do.
Kubota glanced over to the clock on the table, but the numbers were a red blur. He looked back at Tokitoh. "Something wrong?"
"Nah." The shadow shrugged. "Just...you asleep?"
"Yes. Yes, I am." He wondered if Tokitoh could see his smile from where he stood.
"Ah." He looked away, towards the hall. "I can go sleep on the couch," he started, but Kubota was already shifting over in the bed.
"C'mon." He beckoned him over with his hand. "Get in before I wake up. Then I'll never know you stayed up this late losing at video games."
"Who says I lost?" Tokitoh slid into the bed next to him.
"So you did beat that last boss?" Kubota dropped the blanket over them. "He's really tough with all the shooting fire and the missiles and the way he takes away half you life before you walk into the door. But guess you don't have to worry about that anymore."
"...shut up." Tokitoh turned away from him.
"Ah," Kubota patted his shoulder. "Maybe tomorrow then."
They lay there, and Kubota could hear Tokitoh's quiet breathing. Somewhere far off, a car was speeding, but then it was gone. And then it was quiet. In the dark, Tokitoh was just a shadow on the bed. Kubota reached out and placed his hand down on his side, and felt the soft rise and fall of his body beneath it. But even with that reminder, still, it didn't feel like enough. It was so quiet, too quiet.
He started to turn Tokitoh over towards him.
"Hey, whaddya doing?" He resisted at first, but Kubota kept pulling him gently over until they were facing each other.
"Nothing. Just sleeping." He wrapped his arms around him, drawing him closer. Laying his head down on Tokitoh's chest, he closed his eyes.
"You wanna sleep like that?" Tokitoh's question seemed to echo through him.
"Mmm." Kubota didn't open his eyes, but tightened his embrace a little. "I like this. I can hear you."
"What do you mean 'hear'?"
He didn't answer at first. Instead, he let Tokitoh's breathing raise him up and down, and he listened to the soft repeating sound of his heart. "I like this. Because I know you're here. And I know that because I'm here too. And I never thought I'd like that, but I do."
There was no response, just the rise and fall beneath him. He wondered if Tokitoh had fallen asleep.
"...You're so fucking heavy, Kubo-chan."
"Hm?" He lifted his head up, and even in the dark, even without his glasses on, he could see Tokitoh glaring at him. Oh, right, he thought. Didn't think about how this makes him feel, how uncomfortable this might be for him. He started to pull back, but Tokitoh placed his gloved hand on top of his head.
"I didn't say you had to move."
"Oh, right." He relaxed and laid back down, Tokitoh's hand still on his head.
With his head on Tokitoh's chest, he embraced every sound he could hear, and somewhere in that soft rhythm, he heard his own heart beat, a quiet reminder that no matter how still the night was, he- they were still alive.
"And maybe..."
"Mm?" Half-asleep, Tokitoh's hand started to fall from his head.
Kubota took it in his and held it. "Nothing"
"Nigh..."
"Good night." He kissed Tokitoh's gloved hand and closed his eyes, his last thought drifting off into the quiet that surrounded them. And maybe we'll make it...
At least tonight.
Title: Stillness
Fandom: Wild Adapter
Genre: Yaoi
Disclaimer: Minekura Kazuya owns all that is WA.
Warning: Language...and uh, sap.
Challenge: 2am
Notes: Took the full 2 hours and a couple minutes to edit. Feedback is always appreciated and thank you. ^_^
Stillness
There's this moment at night when everything is so still and quiet, it's like the world has stopped. In that pause, everything- from cars to whoever is still up wandering the city- has fallen into this stillness, like they're asleep right there on the street. But not everyone has stopped. There has to be one awake to hear it, this quiet, this nothing in the night, otherwise, is it even really there?
Or is it just a dream?
----
It used to be his favorite moment- that pause when everything stopped but him. It was like he was the only one alive in the world. If he looked out through his blinds, he'd see differently. He'd see the glow of the 7-11 down the street, or the taxi turning the corner, or the salaryman stumbling home after a late night of drinking. He'd see he was not alone, so that is why he kept his blinds down at night. He lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. It was just him and his cigarette, and behind the stillness, his heart beat away, reminding him every moment, no matter how quiet, he was still alive.
-----
"Hey, Kubota-san." A hand touched his shoulder, tapping it gently.
"...Hm?" He didn't lift him head up from where he lay on the couch.
"Kubota-san, c'mon." The tapping grew a little more forceful. "It's late. It's time to close up the office. You don't want to sleep here. C'mon, wake up."
"Why?" He turned his head and looked up. His glasses were lying on the table, and Komiya seemed to float over him like a ghost, blurred in the shadows of the fluorescent light above him.
"Because." He looked around. "It's the office. We've been here for hours, and there's no work. Look, it's already two." He waved at the clock on the wall. "Don't you want to go home and sleep-" He stopped when Kubota reached out and took his hand.
"Shhhhhhh..." He put a finger over his lips. "Listen."
They both stayed still, Komiya standing over the couch while Kubota remained on it, holding his hand. There was no sound outside of Komiya's quickened breathing.
"I- I don't hear anything."
"Exactly." Kubota smiled, and squeezing his hand once before letting go, he lay back down. "It's the best sound in the world, don't you think? When everything's quiet. Like there's nothing else, nothing else in the whole world."
There was another pause, only broken by the sound of him repositioning himself on the couch. He heard something else settle down on the leather, and he looked up to see Komiya sitting on the armrest. He was looking off towards the wall, away from Kubota.
"...For me-" he started, and then, as if thinking better of it, he stopped, ducked his head, and looked down at his shoes.
"What?"
"It's nothing." He shook his head, gripping his hands together.
Kubota raised his eyebrows a little. "Okay." He shrugged and laid his head back down. Another moment, another pause filled the room. He wondered if Komiya was going to sleep sitting on that armrest.
"...It's nothing, but..."
Kubota kept his head down and his eyes closed. He listened as word by word, Komiya filled the quiet.
"...for me, you know, like, you said that the best sound was when it gets all quiet, like you're all alone. But for me, it's- the best sound, I mean, is when it's all quiet, but not too quiet, you know? It's this quiet, late at night, right before dawn, and my mom comes home. And she's all gone on some shit and banging around at first. When I was a kid, I could hear her come in, throw off her shoes and stomp down the hall, and sometimes she'd be crying or yelling. But then..."
He trailed off, and they fell back into the quiet. Kubota opened his eyes a little and moved his head. Komiya the blur still sat on the armrest. Even without his glasses on, Kubota could tell that Komiya was looking at him.
"...it'd get so quiet, just suddenly. And I'd get up, and go into the other room, and I'd find her on the floor or sitting in a chair, and she'd just be...so quiet. I'd go up to her and I'd- I'd-" he swallowed, and looked away from Kubota. "I'd take her and hold her, right there on the floor even, just to make sure. And it'd be so quiet, just her sleeping, and me listening with my ear pressed right here on her." He patted his chest. "So quiet, I could hear it, you know. Her heart. I could hear it." He smiled. "And that was the best. That no matter how gone it got- she got- that I could still hear it. And it was then I knew I could go back to bed."
The room was so quiet when he finished, Kubota could hear a car driving off down the street.
"...Yeah." Komiya scratched at his ear and looked down at the floor. "I know it's pretty stupid."
"Mm." Kubota reached out to the table and took his glasses. He put them back on, and the world returned to its clarity. No more ghosts, he thought, just us. He got up from the couch, stretched, and looked at his watch. "Looks like it's past my bedtime." Grabbing his jacket, he walked over to the door. "You coming?"
"Huh?" Komiya looked like he'd just woken up. "Where you going?"
"Home." He opened the door. "You're welcome to stay here if you like, maybe sleep some." He stepped out and started down the steps. "Me, I'd like to get back before it gets light."
He counted the seconds, one-two-three, and he heard the door slam shut behind him. He didn't turn around. He could hear the other set of footsteps pound down the stairs.
"Good night, Kubota-san,"
"Good night." And good morning, he smiled, and started to walk down the street. Checking his watch, he realized he should have timed his "nap" better. The trains won't start for another few hours. Letting out a small sigh, he stopped and lit his cigarette. Looking up, he caught sight of Komiya as he turned the corner, his bleached hair a pale white under the streetlamps,
"You'll make it." He started his long walk home. "Me, I'm not so sure. But you, you'll make it."
At least tonight.
------
The bedroom door opened, and Kubota turned his head at the sound. Even in the dark, and even with his glasses off, he could still make out Tokitoh's silhouette in the doorway. He stood there, one foot in, one foot out, as if unsure of what to do.
Kubota glanced over to the clock on the table, but the numbers were a red blur. He looked back at Tokitoh. "Something wrong?"
"Nah." The shadow shrugged. "Just...you asleep?"
"Yes. Yes, I am." He wondered if Tokitoh could see his smile from where he stood.
"Ah." He looked away, towards the hall. "I can go sleep on the couch," he started, but Kubota was already shifting over in the bed.
"C'mon." He beckoned him over with his hand. "Get in before I wake up. Then I'll never know you stayed up this late losing at video games."
"Who says I lost?" Tokitoh slid into the bed next to him.
"So you did beat that last boss?" Kubota dropped the blanket over them. "He's really tough with all the shooting fire and the missiles and the way he takes away half you life before you walk into the door. But guess you don't have to worry about that anymore."
"...shut up." Tokitoh turned away from him.
"Ah," Kubota patted his shoulder. "Maybe tomorrow then."
They lay there, and Kubota could hear Tokitoh's quiet breathing. Somewhere far off, a car was speeding, but then it was gone. And then it was quiet. In the dark, Tokitoh was just a shadow on the bed. Kubota reached out and placed his hand down on his side, and felt the soft rise and fall of his body beneath it. But even with that reminder, still, it didn't feel like enough. It was so quiet, too quiet.
He started to turn Tokitoh over towards him.
"Hey, whaddya doing?" He resisted at first, but Kubota kept pulling him gently over until they were facing each other.
"Nothing. Just sleeping." He wrapped his arms around him, drawing him closer. Laying his head down on Tokitoh's chest, he closed his eyes.
"You wanna sleep like that?" Tokitoh's question seemed to echo through him.
"Mmm." Kubota didn't open his eyes, but tightened his embrace a little. "I like this. I can hear you."
"What do you mean 'hear'?"
He didn't answer at first. Instead, he let Tokitoh's breathing raise him up and down, and he listened to the soft repeating sound of his heart. "I like this. Because I know you're here. And I know that because I'm here too. And I never thought I'd like that, but I do."
There was no response, just the rise and fall beneath him. He wondered if Tokitoh had fallen asleep.
"...You're so fucking heavy, Kubo-chan."
"Hm?" He lifted his head up, and even in the dark, even without his glasses on, he could see Tokitoh glaring at him. Oh, right, he thought. Didn't think about how this makes him feel, how uncomfortable this might be for him. He started to pull back, but Tokitoh placed his gloved hand on top of his head.
"I didn't say you had to move."
"Oh, right." He relaxed and laid back down, Tokitoh's hand still on his head.
With his head on Tokitoh's chest, he embraced every sound he could hear, and somewhere in that soft rhythm, he heard his own heart beat, a quiet reminder that no matter how still the night was, he- they were still alive.
"And maybe..."
"Mm?" Half-asleep, Tokitoh's hand started to fall from his head.
Kubota took it in his and held it. "Nothing"
"Nigh..."
"Good night." He kissed Tokitoh's gloved hand and closed his eyes, his last thought drifting off into the quiet that surrounded them. And maybe we'll make it...
At least tonight.