#102 Blood Lite edited by Kevin J. Anderson
December was a pretty good month for me, book wise. It seemed like everything I picked up was enjoyable on one level or another. Then I 
decided I wanted to dive into some short fiction, and picked up Blood Lite, a horror comedy anthology, from my local book store. I was drawn to this particular book due to the fact that it had short fiction by some of my favorite paranormal writers: Charlaine Harris, Kelley Armstrong, and Jim Butcher. A first I found myself very happy with the content inside, but after a handful of stories, the collection quickly descended to some really bad material. Fortunately, things pick up at the end again, saving this anthology from being a complete waste of time. Still, the experience was somewhat like picking up a sandwich made with high quality bread, only to find that the meat inside was mostly rotten. Not really recommended.
For a complete list of contributors and mini-reviews for each story, check under the cut.
The Ungrateful Dead by Kelley Armstrong- Being a necromancer means that every ghost wants to use you for a favor, and Jamie Vegas has learned that ignoring the dead is a good way to keep them away. That is until she finds one very rude and persistent ghost that refuses to leave her alone. "The Ungrateful Dead" is a lighthearted little story that shows us that not all ghosts are scary or tragic, sometimes they can just be annoying. Jamie was a great narrator for the horror comedy genre and I enjoyed watching her interactions with Savannah. Four and a half stars
Mr. Bear by Jon R Lansdale- Jim is a mild mannered man with an uneventful life until a stranger sits next to him on an airplane. Before he knows it, the stranger has taken him on a wild night filled with drugs, booze, prostitution, and murder. Did I mention this stranger happened to be Smoky the Bear? "Mr. Bear" is one of those unique comedy stories that under different circumstances, would be a harrowing drama. Written in a straight/serious manner, the only thing that keeps Mr. Bear on the comedy side is the fact that it's ridiculous to picture Smoky the Bear in the role of this stranger. As a result, the story is pretty funny. Four stars.
Hell in a Handbasket by Lucien Soulban- What's the best way to send the hell dimension into chaos? Leave a baby by the gates of hell, sit back, and watch everyone react. One of the things I liked the best about "Hell in a Handbasket" was the ridiculous ways that the denizens of hell were portrayed. This one got a few chuckles out of me. Four stars.
The Eldritch Pastiche from Beyond the Shadow of Horror by Christopher Welch- Chris has come to the conclusion that he has become addicted to writing really bad horror stories, and decides to deal with this by going to a support group. Only the forces of darkness has other plans for them. I really enjoyed the support group scene in this story, and the twist in the end did make me laugh. I have to wonder if I would have appreciated it even more if I was more of a horror aficionado. Four stars
Elvis Presley and the Bloodsucking Blues by Matt Venne- Everyone thinks they know how Elvis died, but the King himself has a different story to tell. Few people know that he spent the latter years of his life as a vampire dedicated to taking down the most evil of his own kind. One of the best things about "Bloodsucking Blues" is how the author gives supernatural explanations for real events from Elvis's life. Unfortunately, having already read another “Elvis is a vampire” story with the Sookie Stackhouse series, the novelty of seeing Elvis as a bloodsucker has kind of worn off (never thought I'd say that one). Three and a half stars.
No Problem by Don D'Ammassa- After finding out that he's the descendant of Dr Frankenstein, Herbert Franken decides to replicate his ancestors experiments on animals. Unfortunately, it doesn't quite stop there. "No Problem" is a modern retelling of Frankenstein told in the style of a screwball comedy. Although the plot is a little unoriginal, there's no denying the fact that it's pretty funny and enjoyable to read. Four stars.
Old School by Mark Onspaugh- In this story, a bunch of kids decide to raise the dead on a whim. That never turns out well. "Old School" starts out as an interesting little story that never really goes anywhere. Under four pages long, I felt as if it stopped just as it was getting interesting, almost as if I didn't have the whole story in front of me. Two stars
The Sounds of Blunder by JA Konrath and F Paul Wilson- Mick the Mick and his sidekick Willie need money fast, or they're going to start loosing body parts. They decide to break into a museum and steal something valuable, only there's something supernatural behind the all too ordinary artifacts inside. "The Sound of Blunder" is a story that I didn't connect with at all. I found the characters to be annoying, the story to lack focus, and the comedy (which consisted of immature humor and running gags that went on for too long) just feel flat for me. I have a feeling that I was far from the audience in mind with these two writers wrote this story. One star.
An Evening with Al Gore by Charlaine Harris- After meeting Al Gore Toddy Makepeace knows one thing, she wants to save the environment. In order to achieve that goal, she sets up an elaborate charity dinner party for some of Boston's less than environmentally friendly members. And if they're not willing to donate to their cause, things may get a little... deadly. "An Evening with Al Gore" is a fun little read where everything seems perfectly normal right up until the end. It was interesting to see Harris tackle upper-class New England after reading some of her Sookie Stackhouse novels, which all focus on the working class south. Four and a half stars.
Dear Prudence by Steven Savile- Miller has written his wife a letter, explaining how he's going out to grab some cigarettes, and visit the pub to watch some football. Only that's not what he really wanted to say. One thing I need to give "Dear Prudence" credit for is the fact that it's written in an original format. While, other stories in this anthology are written in a straight narrative, "Dear Prudence" is written in a series of letters from Miller to his supposedly horrible wife, each one more gory than the last. Despite it's originality, I hate to say that it just didn't work for me, and by the end, I found it rather repetitive. Two stars.
A Good Psycho is Hard to Find by Will Ludwigsen. Being chased by a chainsaw wielding psychopath may seem like a traumatic experience, but for our narrator and his girlfriend, it was exhilarating and life has been pretty dull since then. "A Good Pyscho is Hard to Find" is their story about trying to recapture that trauma. This is another story that has a good idea behind it, but in the end, just didn't grab my attention or make me laugh at all. Perhaps it's because I'm not the biggest fan of slasher films. Two stars.
High Kicks and Misdemeanors by Janet Berliner- This story is about a man from Las Vegas that happens to wander into Area 51 and the events that follow. I had a few problems with this story. One, I didn't find it funny, and I didn't really see how it was horror. I also found the plot rather scattered and unfocused. The characters never really gained my sympathy, and weren't really memorable. One Star.
PR Problem by Eric James Stone- Mr Ahsani can't help but feel a little short changed. Vampire and werewolves are glamorized in fiction by ghouls have a PR problems. They're never seen as sexy or exciting. "PR Problem" is a fun little story that actually had me agreeing with the main character. If you think about it, we portray vampires as dark and dangerous yet sexy, and werewolves are all about testosterone, aggressions, and excitement. Ghouls on the other hand? Gross. This story was very amusing, and interesting. Four stars.
Where Angels Fear to Tread by Sherrilyn Kenyon- Zeke can't help but wish his life was more interesting. When an unknown relative dies and mentions him in his will, Zeke's about to get that excitement, only it's turns out to be more than he was looking for. As someone that worked in a call center like Zeke, I found the beginning section about Zeke working on the phones to be very accurate. Unfortunately, once we got into the actual story, I found my enjoyment evaporating. The dialogue didn't feel natural to me, the plot a little cliche, and the whole story seemed like the first chapter in a book, not a complete short story. This is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, so it brought down my enjoyment a lot. Two stars.
A Very Special Girl by Mike Resnick- Dugan the Zombie has fallen in love with a very special girl, and has expressed that love by giving her three thousand dollars, three thousand dollars that happened to belong to Harry the Book. "A Very Special Girl" takes place in an alternative universe filled with bizarre and spooky creatures. The style of writing was very stream of consciousness, and at times a little hard to follow. This was another story that I just didn't connect with at all. I didn't laugh, and I wasn't much interested in the story. I also found that the voice behind the dialogue sounded pretty much the same no matter who was talking, which bothered me. Two stars.
Love Seat Solitaire by DL Snell- Sam's house is haunted, but he's learned how to keep the ghost from bothering him. That's until “Casper,” as he's called, goes nuts, and begins to attack him and his friends. "Love Seat Solitaire" has a great title, but the story itself just wasn't for me. The comedy depended highly on gross out humor, which has never been my thing, and slapstick. The dialogue felt as times as if the writer was trying too hard to be funny, and as result it wasn't at all. I never really connected with any of the characters, and the twist at the end was uneventful. One star
I Know Who You Ate Last Summer by Nancy Holder- Angelo and Dwight are spoiled rock stars that also happen to be cannibals. When Dwight revives a text message that says “I KNO WHO U 8 LAST SUMMER” he's worried that their secret has finally been revealed. Nancy Holder seems to have a fun time spoofing the shallowness of Hollywood, but the story itself feels shallow too. I didn't find myself laughing at anything, or caring for the characters. I also felt that the twist involving the text message was more of a cop-out. One and a half stars.
Bitches of the Night by Nancy Kilpatrick- Istvan turned three women into his vampire brides with the hope of companionship over the rest of his immortal life. The three woman have made his life into a living hell, quickly turning into insolent, materialistic, nagging creatures that won't let him watch the X-Files in peace. "Bitches of the Night" appears to be a humorous take on Dracula and his three brides, only I can't help but feel as if Kilpatrick missed the mark. The story is uninteresting, and rather sexist, and Istvan is awfully idiotic for an ancient immortal. One star.
The Bell.... FROM HELL! By Jeff Strand- Howie owns a bell forged by Satan himself. His coworkers can't help but be a little skeptical about this all, so Howie decides to prove them wrong by summoning the devil himself right into their office. "The Bell.... FROM HELL!" is without a doubt the funniest story in this collection. Many of the lines made me laugh out loud, and the whole situations was over the top hilarious. I will be checking out more stories by this author. Four and a half stars.
Dead Hand by Sharyn McCrumb- People have tried to cheat in NASCAR before, but I'm pretty sure this is the fist time that anyone's ever done so by raising the dead. Despite knowing little about NASCAR (I honestly can't even tell you if they go around the track clockwise or counterclockwise), I found this story to be a fun little read. The idea behind it is funny, and it's executed quite well. Four stars.
Day Off by Jim Butcher- It's Harry Dresden's day off and he can't wait to spend it on a date with his new girlfriend. Unfortunately, all of his friends seem to need his help at once. The Dresden Files have always had a strong comedy element, so writing a horror comedy story isn't a stretch at all. Although the story is a little unoriginal, it's still a lot of fun to watch Harry's supposedly peaceful day go from bad, to hellishly worse. Four stars.
Blood Lite is a anthology that looks at the lighter side of horror, giving us stories that cover a wide variety of topics. Unfortunately, we're also presented with a wide variety of quality, meaning you'll have to pick through the disappointments to find the good stories.
Rating: two and half stars
Length: 468 pages
Source: Mr. Paperback
Similar Books: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith ( my review)
Other books I've read by this editor: This is my first experience with Kevin J. Anderson
decided I wanted to dive into some short fiction, and picked up Blood Lite, a horror comedy anthology, from my local book store. I was drawn to this particular book due to the fact that it had short fiction by some of my favorite paranormal writers: Charlaine Harris, Kelley Armstrong, and Jim Butcher. A first I found myself very happy with the content inside, but after a handful of stories, the collection quickly descended to some really bad material. Fortunately, things pick up at the end again, saving this anthology from being a complete waste of time. Still, the experience was somewhat like picking up a sandwich made with high quality bread, only to find that the meat inside was mostly rotten. Not really recommended.
For a complete list of contributors and mini-reviews for each story, check under the cut.
The Ungrateful Dead by Kelley Armstrong- Being a necromancer means that every ghost wants to use you for a favor, and Jamie Vegas has learned that ignoring the dead is a good way to keep them away. That is until she finds one very rude and persistent ghost that refuses to leave her alone. "The Ungrateful Dead" is a lighthearted little story that shows us that not all ghosts are scary or tragic, sometimes they can just be annoying. Jamie was a great narrator for the horror comedy genre and I enjoyed watching her interactions with Savannah. Four and a half stars
Mr. Bear by Jon R Lansdale- Jim is a mild mannered man with an uneventful life until a stranger sits next to him on an airplane. Before he knows it, the stranger has taken him on a wild night filled with drugs, booze, prostitution, and murder. Did I mention this stranger happened to be Smoky the Bear? "Mr. Bear" is one of those unique comedy stories that under different circumstances, would be a harrowing drama. Written in a straight/serious manner, the only thing that keeps Mr. Bear on the comedy side is the fact that it's ridiculous to picture Smoky the Bear in the role of this stranger. As a result, the story is pretty funny. Four stars.
Hell in a Handbasket by Lucien Soulban- What's the best way to send the hell dimension into chaos? Leave a baby by the gates of hell, sit back, and watch everyone react. One of the things I liked the best about "Hell in a Handbasket" was the ridiculous ways that the denizens of hell were portrayed. This one got a few chuckles out of me. Four stars.
The Eldritch Pastiche from Beyond the Shadow of Horror by Christopher Welch- Chris has come to the conclusion that he has become addicted to writing really bad horror stories, and decides to deal with this by going to a support group. Only the forces of darkness has other plans for them. I really enjoyed the support group scene in this story, and the twist in the end did make me laugh. I have to wonder if I would have appreciated it even more if I was more of a horror aficionado. Four stars
Elvis Presley and the Bloodsucking Blues by Matt Venne- Everyone thinks they know how Elvis died, but the King himself has a different story to tell. Few people know that he spent the latter years of his life as a vampire dedicated to taking down the most evil of his own kind. One of the best things about "Bloodsucking Blues" is how the author gives supernatural explanations for real events from Elvis's life. Unfortunately, having already read another “Elvis is a vampire” story with the Sookie Stackhouse series, the novelty of seeing Elvis as a bloodsucker has kind of worn off (never thought I'd say that one). Three and a half stars.
No Problem by Don D'Ammassa- After finding out that he's the descendant of Dr Frankenstein, Herbert Franken decides to replicate his ancestors experiments on animals. Unfortunately, it doesn't quite stop there. "No Problem" is a modern retelling of Frankenstein told in the style of a screwball comedy. Although the plot is a little unoriginal, there's no denying the fact that it's pretty funny and enjoyable to read. Four stars.
Old School by Mark Onspaugh- In this story, a bunch of kids decide to raise the dead on a whim. That never turns out well. "Old School" starts out as an interesting little story that never really goes anywhere. Under four pages long, I felt as if it stopped just as it was getting interesting, almost as if I didn't have the whole story in front of me. Two stars
The Sounds of Blunder by JA Konrath and F Paul Wilson- Mick the Mick and his sidekick Willie need money fast, or they're going to start loosing body parts. They decide to break into a museum and steal something valuable, only there's something supernatural behind the all too ordinary artifacts inside. "The Sound of Blunder" is a story that I didn't connect with at all. I found the characters to be annoying, the story to lack focus, and the comedy (which consisted of immature humor and running gags that went on for too long) just feel flat for me. I have a feeling that I was far from the audience in mind with these two writers wrote this story. One star.
An Evening with Al Gore by Charlaine Harris- After meeting Al Gore Toddy Makepeace knows one thing, she wants to save the environment. In order to achieve that goal, she sets up an elaborate charity dinner party for some of Boston's less than environmentally friendly members. And if they're not willing to donate to their cause, things may get a little... deadly. "An Evening with Al Gore" is a fun little read where everything seems perfectly normal right up until the end. It was interesting to see Harris tackle upper-class New England after reading some of her Sookie Stackhouse novels, which all focus on the working class south. Four and a half stars.
Dear Prudence by Steven Savile- Miller has written his wife a letter, explaining how he's going out to grab some cigarettes, and visit the pub to watch some football. Only that's not what he really wanted to say. One thing I need to give "Dear Prudence" credit for is the fact that it's written in an original format. While, other stories in this anthology are written in a straight narrative, "Dear Prudence" is written in a series of letters from Miller to his supposedly horrible wife, each one more gory than the last. Despite it's originality, I hate to say that it just didn't work for me, and by the end, I found it rather repetitive. Two stars.
A Good Psycho is Hard to Find by Will Ludwigsen. Being chased by a chainsaw wielding psychopath may seem like a traumatic experience, but for our narrator and his girlfriend, it was exhilarating and life has been pretty dull since then. "A Good Pyscho is Hard to Find" is their story about trying to recapture that trauma. This is another story that has a good idea behind it, but in the end, just didn't grab my attention or make me laugh at all. Perhaps it's because I'm not the biggest fan of slasher films. Two stars.
High Kicks and Misdemeanors by Janet Berliner- This story is about a man from Las Vegas that happens to wander into Area 51 and the events that follow. I had a few problems with this story. One, I didn't find it funny, and I didn't really see how it was horror. I also found the plot rather scattered and unfocused. The characters never really gained my sympathy, and weren't really memorable. One Star.
PR Problem by Eric James Stone- Mr Ahsani can't help but feel a little short changed. Vampire and werewolves are glamorized in fiction by ghouls have a PR problems. They're never seen as sexy or exciting. "PR Problem" is a fun little story that actually had me agreeing with the main character. If you think about it, we portray vampires as dark and dangerous yet sexy, and werewolves are all about testosterone, aggressions, and excitement. Ghouls on the other hand? Gross. This story was very amusing, and interesting. Four stars.
Where Angels Fear to Tread by Sherrilyn Kenyon- Zeke can't help but wish his life was more interesting. When an unknown relative dies and mentions him in his will, Zeke's about to get that excitement, only it's turns out to be more than he was looking for. As someone that worked in a call center like Zeke, I found the beginning section about Zeke working on the phones to be very accurate. Unfortunately, once we got into the actual story, I found my enjoyment evaporating. The dialogue didn't feel natural to me, the plot a little cliche, and the whole story seemed like the first chapter in a book, not a complete short story. This is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, so it brought down my enjoyment a lot. Two stars.
A Very Special Girl by Mike Resnick- Dugan the Zombie has fallen in love with a very special girl, and has expressed that love by giving her three thousand dollars, three thousand dollars that happened to belong to Harry the Book. "A Very Special Girl" takes place in an alternative universe filled with bizarre and spooky creatures. The style of writing was very stream of consciousness, and at times a little hard to follow. This was another story that I just didn't connect with at all. I didn't laugh, and I wasn't much interested in the story. I also found that the voice behind the dialogue sounded pretty much the same no matter who was talking, which bothered me. Two stars.
Love Seat Solitaire by DL Snell- Sam's house is haunted, but he's learned how to keep the ghost from bothering him. That's until “Casper,” as he's called, goes nuts, and begins to attack him and his friends. "Love Seat Solitaire" has a great title, but the story itself just wasn't for me. The comedy depended highly on gross out humor, which has never been my thing, and slapstick. The dialogue felt as times as if the writer was trying too hard to be funny, and as result it wasn't at all. I never really connected with any of the characters, and the twist at the end was uneventful. One star
I Know Who You Ate Last Summer by Nancy Holder- Angelo and Dwight are spoiled rock stars that also happen to be cannibals. When Dwight revives a text message that says “I KNO WHO U 8 LAST SUMMER” he's worried that their secret has finally been revealed. Nancy Holder seems to have a fun time spoofing the shallowness of Hollywood, but the story itself feels shallow too. I didn't find myself laughing at anything, or caring for the characters. I also felt that the twist involving the text message was more of a cop-out. One and a half stars.
Bitches of the Night by Nancy Kilpatrick- Istvan turned three women into his vampire brides with the hope of companionship over the rest of his immortal life. The three woman have made his life into a living hell, quickly turning into insolent, materialistic, nagging creatures that won't let him watch the X-Files in peace. "Bitches of the Night" appears to be a humorous take on Dracula and his three brides, only I can't help but feel as if Kilpatrick missed the mark. The story is uninteresting, and rather sexist, and Istvan is awfully idiotic for an ancient immortal. One star.
The Bell.... FROM HELL! By Jeff Strand- Howie owns a bell forged by Satan himself. His coworkers can't help but be a little skeptical about this all, so Howie decides to prove them wrong by summoning the devil himself right into their office. "The Bell.... FROM HELL!" is without a doubt the funniest story in this collection. Many of the lines made me laugh out loud, and the whole situations was over the top hilarious. I will be checking out more stories by this author. Four and a half stars.
Dead Hand by Sharyn McCrumb- People have tried to cheat in NASCAR before, but I'm pretty sure this is the fist time that anyone's ever done so by raising the dead. Despite knowing little about NASCAR (I honestly can't even tell you if they go around the track clockwise or counterclockwise), I found this story to be a fun little read. The idea behind it is funny, and it's executed quite well. Four stars.
Day Off by Jim Butcher- It's Harry Dresden's day off and he can't wait to spend it on a date with his new girlfriend. Unfortunately, all of his friends seem to need his help at once. The Dresden Files have always had a strong comedy element, so writing a horror comedy story isn't a stretch at all. Although the story is a little unoriginal, it's still a lot of fun to watch Harry's supposedly peaceful day go from bad, to hellishly worse. Four stars.
Blood Lite is a anthology that looks at the lighter side of horror, giving us stories that cover a wide variety of topics. Unfortunately, we're also presented with a wide variety of quality, meaning you'll have to pick through the disappointments to find the good stories.
Rating: two and half stars
Length: 468 pages
Source: Mr. Paperback
Similar Books: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith ( my review)
Other books I've read by this editor: This is my first experience with Kevin J. Anderson