I Was Once Like You Are Now, And I Know That It's Not Easy
Title: I Was Once Like You Are Now, And I Know That It's Not Easy
Characters: Henry Mills, Neal Cassidy/Baelfire, Rumpelstiltskin/Mr Gold. Mentions of Emma, Regina, Tamara, Milah.
Rating: G
Warnings: Spoilers up to 2x15.
Summary: Neal and Gold reflect on their roles as fathers trying to rebuild their relationships with their sons, as Gold contemplates the seer's warning. Henry and Neal wonder how they will adjust to having their fathers back in their lives.
He’d have expected it of Regina. With her, Henry’s whole life, everything he’d been led to believe about who he was, had been a lie. So even when she was telling him that he’d changed, there was a part of Henry that had never been entirely convinced.
But Emma was good. With her, he’d finally started to believe that good could win. And now, he’s started to question everything she’s ever told him.
He doesn’t even understand why she had to lie. He could have handled the truth, or at least the truth as Emma knew it at the time. Henry had talked a lot about this with his friends Hansel, Gretel and Grace since the curse broke. He’d listened to Hansel telling him about how Michael had tried so hard to compensate for the fact that during the curse he’d taken a while to even accept that the twins were his, and had tried so hard that he just ended up making them feel suffocated. Then it had gotten even worse once the curse had broken, because now that their father remembered them, he felt even guiltier. Grace had told them all how things had been weird when she first moved back in with Jefferson because of her own guilt about the family she’d lived with during the curse, and how Jefferson had been beating himself up over the way he’d left her. Henry had listened to his friends at the time, even tried to offer them advice. He never told any of them that he’d secretly envied them all for having the chance to make it right with their dads. He was never going to get to know his father, because the guy had died saving people from a fire. And if Henry had the chance to have a father who wanted to spend so much time with him that he never got any space of his own, like Hansel and Gretel, well, maybe he’d have been happy with it.
He had wondered about his father sometimes before he’d ever asked Emma about him. In fact, he’d considered the possibilities that his father was out there and hadn’t wanted to know, or that he didn’t know that Henry existed. And he thought he could have handled either of those possibilities. He had to admit, he’d never considered the possibility of Mr. Gold’s son being his father, but he’s even handling that.
Henry’s wondered what he would have done if he’d known for certain beforehand that his father was still alive. Would he have tried to track him down? Possibly, even knowing that Emma wouldn’t like it. He’d known that Regina wouldn’t like him tracking down Emma, but had still gone ahead and done it anyway. And if there had been a father named on his birth certificate, instead of “father unknown”, he’d probably have tried to track him down back then.
But what he’s struggling to deal with is the way that Emma lied to him. She’d denied him the chance to get to know Neal all this time, and Henry can’t understand why. He hasn’t known him that long, but the impression he’s getting is that Neal’s a decent guy. Henry doesn’t know exactly what Neal did back then that would have made Emma react that way, but everyone deserves a chance to show that they’ve changed. Even Regina had been given that chance recently; did Neal not deserve the same?
Emma might have thought she was protecting Henry. But all she’s done is make him see her in a whole different way.
What would he have done if he had known that Emma was pregnant when he’d left her? Neal wondered. Would he have still run? Or would he have done something to stop Emma from going to prison, been there as a proper father for Henry?
Obviously, he’ll never know for sure now, although he thinks he knows what he would have chosen. But he’d have liked to have been given the chance to find out.
He’d thought he understood why Emma had never tried to make contact with him. As far as she was concerned, he’d abandoned her in her time of need. August, the dick, clearly hadn’t explained anything to Emma at the time. Although Henry had let something slip about how she’d spent some time in Tallahassee after being released from prison - he hadn’t appeared to think anything of that, which Neal guessed was because he didn’t know that they’d discussed moving there, but Neal had wondered whether she’d gone there in the hope of finding him again. (In fact, Neal had avoided the state of Florida completely after Emma’s arrest. He’d travelled around, probably ended up in every state but Florida, trying to avoid settling down, until he landed in Manhattan. He’d chosen there with the idea that he could get lost in the crowds somehow, desperate to escape all thoughts of the past he’d left behind with his father and in Neverland, and all thoughts of the future he could have had with Emma.)
Even though he and Tamara are engaged now, Neal and she have never had the conversation about kids. But if he’d had to think about it, he would have said that he wanted to be exactly the father to any future kids of his that Rumpelstiltskin wasn’t to him. Well, that was something he was never likely to achieve now. Having a son he didn’t know about for the first eleven years of his life hadn’t exactly been part of the plan. It would almost make him laugh, in any other circumstances. There he would have been, vowing to never abandon his kid the same way his father abandoned him, and he’d managed to do just that, albeit unknowingly.
Henry doesn’t blame him for anything. He accepts that Neal hadn’t known he existed, and as far as he’s concerned, that’s good enough for him. He’d seemed a bit apprehensive when he found out about Tamara, but Neal’s sure that Henry will get used to her eventually. It’s not as if the kid even had much time to start harbouring fantasies about his parents getting back together, given how long he’d thought Neal was dead.
But Neal had been a bit worried about what kind of father he would end up being. He hadn’t had the best example, after all. If anything, he’d intended to think of everything Rumpelstiltskin had done and then do exactly the opposite. Let’s face it, he’d had a hell of a long time to dwell on everything that had happened, and for resentment to build up. But then he’d heard his father on the phone to his girlfriend (that was going to take some getting used to) and then Rumpelstiltskin had told him how much he regretted breaking their deal. Maybe there was something there that they could rebuild after all.
He’s fond of the boy, or at least he had been, as much as he could be of anybody, before he had realised that Henry had been the boy the seer had spoken of, the boy who would lead him to find Bae again but would also lead to his own undoing. And when he’d first heard the prophecy, it had never occurred to Rumpelstiltskin that the seer was referring to his own grandson. Why would it? It had meant nothing to him when he had vowed to the seer that he would have to kill the boy - if it was what he had to do to ensure that he maintained his grip on power, then so be it. After all, as he had said to so many people in his time, all magic came with a price.
But Rumpelstiltskin is starting to understand now that the price of this action may also be his son. If he kills Henry, this will destroy the bond with Baelfire that is still so fragile. He had to make the choice once before: Baelfire, or his magic and power. He made what he believed was the right choice for him at the time, and this decision has haunted him for many years. Now the same fate awaits him again, and Rumpelstiltskin does not know what choice he will make.
His whole purpose, for so long, has been to find some way to be reunited with Bae again. He had manipulated Regina into casting the Dark Curse, had lived his life as Mr. Gold for 28 years never knowing he had once been Rumpelstiltskin. He had taken that risk knowing that one day he would track down Bae again and make it up to him somehow for breaking the deal. And when the fool August Booth had come to him pretending to be Bae, for a moment there before he realised the falsehood, Rumpelstiltskin had started to believe that his dreams were becoming a reality.
When he had first known that Milah was expecting Bae, Rumpelstiltskin had vowed that he would be the father that his own father had never been. He would not force Bae to live under the stigma of having a coward for a father. And Milah may have believed that that was exactly what Rumpelstiltskin had done by injuring himself to get himself sent home from the Ogre Wars, but Rumpelstiltskin continued to believe that he had done the right thing by remaining a presence in Baelfire’s life instead of forcing him to grow up a fatherless child. If Milah could have seen what happened, how Rumpelstiltskin ended up abandoning Bae anyway, what would she think now? She would probably taunt him for being an even bigger coward than the day he had returned from the Ogre Wars, or than the day he had tried to rescue her from Hook but had had to slink away home to Baelfire telling him that his mother was gone.
He has what he wants now. He has found Baelfire again; he has the chance to rebuild his relationship with him. And now he has to decide whether it is worth sacrificing this again, and the potential relationship with his grandson, for his power.
He just wishes that he knew which choice he was going to make. Many times since becoming The Dark One, he’s told people that all magic comes with a price. But it is only now that he really understands what that means.
Characters: Henry Mills, Neal Cassidy/Baelfire, Rumpelstiltskin/Mr Gold. Mentions of Emma, Regina, Tamara, Milah.
Rating: G
Warnings: Spoilers up to 2x15.
Summary: Neal and Gold reflect on their roles as fathers trying to rebuild their relationships with their sons, as Gold contemplates the seer's warning. Henry and Neal wonder how they will adjust to having their fathers back in their lives.
He’d have expected it of Regina. With her, Henry’s whole life, everything he’d been led to believe about who he was, had been a lie. So even when she was telling him that he’d changed, there was a part of Henry that had never been entirely convinced.
But Emma was good. With her, he’d finally started to believe that good could win. And now, he’s started to question everything she’s ever told him.
He doesn’t even understand why she had to lie. He could have handled the truth, or at least the truth as Emma knew it at the time. Henry had talked a lot about this with his friends Hansel, Gretel and Grace since the curse broke. He’d listened to Hansel telling him about how Michael had tried so hard to compensate for the fact that during the curse he’d taken a while to even accept that the twins were his, and had tried so hard that he just ended up making them feel suffocated. Then it had gotten even worse once the curse had broken, because now that their father remembered them, he felt even guiltier. Grace had told them all how things had been weird when she first moved back in with Jefferson because of her own guilt about the family she’d lived with during the curse, and how Jefferson had been beating himself up over the way he’d left her. Henry had listened to his friends at the time, even tried to offer them advice. He never told any of them that he’d secretly envied them all for having the chance to make it right with their dads. He was never going to get to know his father, because the guy had died saving people from a fire. And if Henry had the chance to have a father who wanted to spend so much time with him that he never got any space of his own, like Hansel and Gretel, well, maybe he’d have been happy with it.
He had wondered about his father sometimes before he’d ever asked Emma about him. In fact, he’d considered the possibilities that his father was out there and hadn’t wanted to know, or that he didn’t know that Henry existed. And he thought he could have handled either of those possibilities. He had to admit, he’d never considered the possibility of Mr. Gold’s son being his father, but he’s even handling that.
Henry’s wondered what he would have done if he’d known for certain beforehand that his father was still alive. Would he have tried to track him down? Possibly, even knowing that Emma wouldn’t like it. He’d known that Regina wouldn’t like him tracking down Emma, but had still gone ahead and done it anyway. And if there had been a father named on his birth certificate, instead of “father unknown”, he’d probably have tried to track him down back then.
But what he’s struggling to deal with is the way that Emma lied to him. She’d denied him the chance to get to know Neal all this time, and Henry can’t understand why. He hasn’t known him that long, but the impression he’s getting is that Neal’s a decent guy. Henry doesn’t know exactly what Neal did back then that would have made Emma react that way, but everyone deserves a chance to show that they’ve changed. Even Regina had been given that chance recently; did Neal not deserve the same?
Emma might have thought she was protecting Henry. But all she’s done is make him see her in a whole different way.
What would he have done if he had known that Emma was pregnant when he’d left her? Neal wondered. Would he have still run? Or would he have done something to stop Emma from going to prison, been there as a proper father for Henry?
Obviously, he’ll never know for sure now, although he thinks he knows what he would have chosen. But he’d have liked to have been given the chance to find out.
He’d thought he understood why Emma had never tried to make contact with him. As far as she was concerned, he’d abandoned her in her time of need. August, the dick, clearly hadn’t explained anything to Emma at the time. Although Henry had let something slip about how she’d spent some time in Tallahassee after being released from prison - he hadn’t appeared to think anything of that, which Neal guessed was because he didn’t know that they’d discussed moving there, but Neal had wondered whether she’d gone there in the hope of finding him again. (In fact, Neal had avoided the state of Florida completely after Emma’s arrest. He’d travelled around, probably ended up in every state but Florida, trying to avoid settling down, until he landed in Manhattan. He’d chosen there with the idea that he could get lost in the crowds somehow, desperate to escape all thoughts of the past he’d left behind with his father and in Neverland, and all thoughts of the future he could have had with Emma.)
Even though he and Tamara are engaged now, Neal and she have never had the conversation about kids. But if he’d had to think about it, he would have said that he wanted to be exactly the father to any future kids of his that Rumpelstiltskin wasn’t to him. Well, that was something he was never likely to achieve now. Having a son he didn’t know about for the first eleven years of his life hadn’t exactly been part of the plan. It would almost make him laugh, in any other circumstances. There he would have been, vowing to never abandon his kid the same way his father abandoned him, and he’d managed to do just that, albeit unknowingly.
Henry doesn’t blame him for anything. He accepts that Neal hadn’t known he existed, and as far as he’s concerned, that’s good enough for him. He’d seemed a bit apprehensive when he found out about Tamara, but Neal’s sure that Henry will get used to her eventually. It’s not as if the kid even had much time to start harbouring fantasies about his parents getting back together, given how long he’d thought Neal was dead.
But Neal had been a bit worried about what kind of father he would end up being. He hadn’t had the best example, after all. If anything, he’d intended to think of everything Rumpelstiltskin had done and then do exactly the opposite. Let’s face it, he’d had a hell of a long time to dwell on everything that had happened, and for resentment to build up. But then he’d heard his father on the phone to his girlfriend (that was going to take some getting used to) and then Rumpelstiltskin had told him how much he regretted breaking their deal. Maybe there was something there that they could rebuild after all.
He’s fond of the boy, or at least he had been, as much as he could be of anybody, before he had realised that Henry had been the boy the seer had spoken of, the boy who would lead him to find Bae again but would also lead to his own undoing. And when he’d first heard the prophecy, it had never occurred to Rumpelstiltskin that the seer was referring to his own grandson. Why would it? It had meant nothing to him when he had vowed to the seer that he would have to kill the boy - if it was what he had to do to ensure that he maintained his grip on power, then so be it. After all, as he had said to so many people in his time, all magic came with a price.
But Rumpelstiltskin is starting to understand now that the price of this action may also be his son. If he kills Henry, this will destroy the bond with Baelfire that is still so fragile. He had to make the choice once before: Baelfire, or his magic and power. He made what he believed was the right choice for him at the time, and this decision has haunted him for many years. Now the same fate awaits him again, and Rumpelstiltskin does not know what choice he will make.
His whole purpose, for so long, has been to find some way to be reunited with Bae again. He had manipulated Regina into casting the Dark Curse, had lived his life as Mr. Gold for 28 years never knowing he had once been Rumpelstiltskin. He had taken that risk knowing that one day he would track down Bae again and make it up to him somehow for breaking the deal. And when the fool August Booth had come to him pretending to be Bae, for a moment there before he realised the falsehood, Rumpelstiltskin had started to believe that his dreams were becoming a reality.
When he had first known that Milah was expecting Bae, Rumpelstiltskin had vowed that he would be the father that his own father had never been. He would not force Bae to live under the stigma of having a coward for a father. And Milah may have believed that that was exactly what Rumpelstiltskin had done by injuring himself to get himself sent home from the Ogre Wars, but Rumpelstiltskin continued to believe that he had done the right thing by remaining a presence in Baelfire’s life instead of forcing him to grow up a fatherless child. If Milah could have seen what happened, how Rumpelstiltskin ended up abandoning Bae anyway, what would she think now? She would probably taunt him for being an even bigger coward than the day he had returned from the Ogre Wars, or than the day he had tried to rescue her from Hook but had had to slink away home to Baelfire telling him that his mother was gone.
He has what he wants now. He has found Baelfire again; he has the chance to rebuild his relationship with him. And now he has to decide whether it is worth sacrificing this again, and the potential relationship with his grandson, for his power.
He just wishes that he knew which choice he was going to make. Many times since becoming The Dark One, he’s told people that all magic comes with a price. But it is only now that he really understands what that means.