And We Fly Just Like Birds Of A Feather
Title: And We Fly Just Like Birds Of A Feather
Fandom: Revenge
Characters: Amanda. Mentions of Emily, Charlotte, Jack.
Warnings: Spoilers up to 2x14
Rating: PG
Summary: Amanda reflects on how she finally has the family she thought she would never have.
It had been a relief to leave Emily Thorne behind. Even being Amanda Clarke, daughter of a notorious terrorist, was better than the life that she had turned her back on, a life of closing her eyes and praying that she’d wake up and find that the last few years had been a nightmare, that her parents were still alive, that she wasn’t living in the foster home. She didn’t want to be that girl any more, the one who’d been woken by her foster father’s creeping into her room every night.
After she’d defended herself by stabbing the foster father, no one had defended her. Her foster mother had said she didn’t believe a word of it, that Emily had just attacked him without provocation. Quite why she thought he’d been in Emily’s room in the first place, she never saw fit to explain.
But in another way, she wasn’t sure she cared. They weren’t her family. In fact, Emily wasn’t sure that she’d ever had what could be called that. Sometimes, she wondered how many of her memories of her parents were real and how many were constructs, based on the photos she’d been allowed to keep at the time. And sometimes, she thought they were just names to her, rather than her family. And why should she think of them as such? They sure hadn’t thought of her when they’d gone out driving drunk, taking a bend too fast and crashing into a tree, killing them both instantly. Emily used to torture herself at one time, wondering if they’d ever thought of her that day, then she’d just shaken her head and forgotten about it.
When Emily had first met the real Amanda Clarke, she’d come to realise that maybe in her cell mate, this was the closest thing to family that she’d ever had. And when she had promised to come back for her after they switched identities, the new Amanda had believed her.
But the days had gone by without a word, and Amanda eventually began to wonder if Emily had any intention of coming back for her.
Then she did, and sometimes Amanda had wished she hadn’t.
Emily had asked Amanda once whether she felt any guilt when she spent time with Charlotte as a sister, knowing all the time that she was in fact no relation at all. Amanda had turned the question back on Emily, asking how she felt watching the two of them bond whilst knowing all the time that she was Charlotte’s real sister and couldn’t say anything because of her vendetta against the Graysons. Emily had said something about how that had been the reason why she’d decided not to involve Charlotte in her revenge , but hadn’t really answered the question apart from that. However, Amanda was relieved that she’d successfully deflected Emily’s question. In truth, she wished that Charlotte really was her sister. Amanda had had no real sense of family ever since the accident that killed her parents, and Charlotte was giving her a chance to get some of that back. She’d noticed that it was bothering Emily, seeing Amanda in the role of Charlotte’s sister that was hers by right, and half of her did feel guilty about that. But there was a small part of her that was determined not to, especially after she found out that Emily had deliberately let her think that her baby wasn’t Jack’s. Amanda enjoyed Charlotte’s company, and she knew that Charlotte needed her as well. They may not be related by blood, but Amanda had been more like family to Charlotte than the Graysons appeared capable of being.
She’d had no siblings when she was Emily Thorne. In some ways, that had made it easier when she became Amanda Clarke. There was no one out there who was going to come looking for her, no one who knew she was Emily Thorne and who could blow their identity switch out of the water. But even before, she had often imagined what it would be like to have a sibling. She’d never managed to form that bond with anyone from her foster homes. Charlotte provided her with the chance to find out.
Amanda had thought of Emily as being like her sister at one time, but now she knows that Emily is capable of trampling all over her to get what she wants. She wonders if Emily ever remembered that, any of the times she was telling her to get out of town. With Charlotte, there’s no ulterior motive. She genuinely wants to get to know Amanda as her sister. And maybe they can be, in a way. They don’t need to be blood related to be a family.
Emily thought that Amanda hadn’t known about it when Kara was in the hospital with her. In fact, she’d heard every word.
When she’d still been Emily Thorne, and she’d first been introduced to her new foster family, the mom had introduced herself saying “I’m your new mommy now.” Emily had wanted to throw up. This woman could never be that. Her mother was dead; she wasn’t coming back, and this woman could never replace her. Emily hated her almost as much as she hated *him* for that.
As Kara Wallace Clarke Murphy had sat by Amanda’s bedside in the hospital believing she was with her daughter, the new Amanda Clarke had been reminded of that all over again. As she kept saying “Mommy’s here,” Amanda wanted to snap “Can you really not tell?” Did she honestly not realise that the woman lying in the hospital bed was not the Amanda Clarke she had given birth to?
She hadn’t reacted this way with Jack, maybe because she already knew that he hadn’t recognised Emily, and maybe also because it suited her purposes not to at the time. But there was just something that felt worse about it when it was Emily’s mother. Amanda had never thought she’d have to face that situation. Everyone in the country knew when David Clarke died, and Emily had believed for a long time that Kara had died too. There was still a part of Amanda whose skin just crawled at the thought of anyone other than Elizabeth Thorne being called her mother.
Yet as Amanda heard Kara’s words, she wondered if maybe in some way she was making her replies to Elizabeth Thorne, letting her know that she forgave her as well, forgave her and her father for getting so hammered and going out on the road anyway, for not stopping to think about her before driving drunk.
Amanda was never going to get the chance to say these words now. But in a way, this time with Kara had helped her to make her peace with Elizabeth. And she hoped that in a way, Emily would get some help from it too.
She’d never thought she’d actually meet Jack Porter.
As Amanda and Emily had exchanged life stories, preparing notes in case they ever did have to answer questions, the new Amanda had learned all about the old one’s childhood friend, not expecting to actually meet him. She had no intention at the time of ever visiting the Hamptons, after all. And even if she had, she had to admit that she’d never expected Jack to have such strong feelings still for his childhood friend. Amanda herself barely remembered any of her own childhood crushes, although that may have been because she’d moved around to a few different foster homes and hadn’t been anywhere long enough for anything really to develop anyway.
Amanda had certainly never expected to develop feelings for Jack. The whole time she was there telling him she was his childhood friend Amanda, she kept expecting to make some mistake that would make him realise that she wasn’t the girl he’d grown up with. She’d tried to keep him at arm’s length, hoping that this wouldn’t happen, but over time she’d realised that she was falling for him. And yes, okay, at the time when Emily was not so subtly hinting to her to get the hell out of Dodge, there was some element of satisfaction in knowing she was pissing her off as well.
When Amanda had first found out she was pregnant, her first reaction was panic. She couldn’t have a kid. Not her, the woman who was living a lie about who she really was, the woman who’d gone from juvie to a strip club. How could Amanda possibly be a mom? It wasn’t as if she’d ever even had a decent role model. What could Amanda ever hope to know about being a good mom? Not to mention that she didn’t even know who the dad was. If it was Jack, great. She knew enough about him to know that he’d try and make it work. If it was the other guy she’d picked up in a bar, not so great. He’d been a mistake, a means of drowning her sorrows after she’d left Jack, and Amanda couldn’t even remember his name.
But over time, Amanda realised that she couldn’t terminate the pregnancy. Because here was someone who she was always going to be able to call her own. Every foster family she went into, she knew that it was always going to be temporary, that something was going to happen to cause the placement to break down. With Jack, even though Amanda knew the childhood stories pretty well and had managed to be accepted as the original Amanda Clarke so far, she always knew that there was a danger that she could make some little slip that would cause him to realise that she wasn’t the same person, maybe some story that had meant something to him but that had seemed trivial enough to Emily to never bother mentioning it, maybe something else. Charlotte, too. She’d enjoyed getting to know her as a sister, and she could tell that Charlotte was coming to see her as a positive influence in her life. (Amanda briefly imagined the looks on her foster parents’ faces at that; they’d never have had her down as anything like that.) She may not be related by blood, but she was doing a better job of looking out for Charlotte than those assholes the Graysons. If Charlotte ever found out that she wasn’t the real Amanda Clarke, that connection would be gone.
And Emily, the sister she’d really thought she’d finally found back when they were in juvie together? Amanda wasn’t so sure any more. Okay, so things had been great while Amanda suited Emily’s purpose, but Emily had made it pretty damn clear that she didn’t want Amanda around because her stupid plans for revenge mattered more to her than their friendship ever had.
But if Amanda kept the baby, she’d have someone she knew was really her family for keeps, whatever happened.
She’d never imagined she’d be in this position. Amanda had really thought she would lose everything: the possibility that the baby wasn’t Jack’s had tainted their relationship, and there had always been the risk that it would come out that she wasn’t the real Amanda Clarke, which would mean she would lose Charlotte too. But everything had worked out; Jack had realised that he wanted to be with her after all, and she’d even rebuilt her relationship with Emily. She was finally getting the life she’d always dreamed of.
Emily had come good, after all. She’d managed to give Amanda the one thing that she really wanted, the family that she had never thought would be her own.
Fandom: Revenge
Characters: Amanda. Mentions of Emily, Charlotte, Jack.
Warnings: Spoilers up to 2x14
Rating: PG
Summary: Amanda reflects on how she finally has the family she thought she would never have.
It had been a relief to leave Emily Thorne behind. Even being Amanda Clarke, daughter of a notorious terrorist, was better than the life that she had turned her back on, a life of closing her eyes and praying that she’d wake up and find that the last few years had been a nightmare, that her parents were still alive, that she wasn’t living in the foster home. She didn’t want to be that girl any more, the one who’d been woken by her foster father’s creeping into her room every night.
After she’d defended herself by stabbing the foster father, no one had defended her. Her foster mother had said she didn’t believe a word of it, that Emily had just attacked him without provocation. Quite why she thought he’d been in Emily’s room in the first place, she never saw fit to explain.
But in another way, she wasn’t sure she cared. They weren’t her family. In fact, Emily wasn’t sure that she’d ever had what could be called that. Sometimes, she wondered how many of her memories of her parents were real and how many were constructs, based on the photos she’d been allowed to keep at the time. And sometimes, she thought they were just names to her, rather than her family. And why should she think of them as such? They sure hadn’t thought of her when they’d gone out driving drunk, taking a bend too fast and crashing into a tree, killing them both instantly. Emily used to torture herself at one time, wondering if they’d ever thought of her that day, then she’d just shaken her head and forgotten about it.
When Emily had first met the real Amanda Clarke, she’d come to realise that maybe in her cell mate, this was the closest thing to family that she’d ever had. And when she had promised to come back for her after they switched identities, the new Amanda had believed her.
But the days had gone by without a word, and Amanda eventually began to wonder if Emily had any intention of coming back for her.
Then she did, and sometimes Amanda had wished she hadn’t.
Emily had asked Amanda once whether she felt any guilt when she spent time with Charlotte as a sister, knowing all the time that she was in fact no relation at all. Amanda had turned the question back on Emily, asking how she felt watching the two of them bond whilst knowing all the time that she was Charlotte’s real sister and couldn’t say anything because of her vendetta against the Graysons. Emily had said something about how that had been the reason why she’d decided not to involve Charlotte in her revenge , but hadn’t really answered the question apart from that. However, Amanda was relieved that she’d successfully deflected Emily’s question. In truth, she wished that Charlotte really was her sister. Amanda had had no real sense of family ever since the accident that killed her parents, and Charlotte was giving her a chance to get some of that back. She’d noticed that it was bothering Emily, seeing Amanda in the role of Charlotte’s sister that was hers by right, and half of her did feel guilty about that. But there was a small part of her that was determined not to, especially after she found out that Emily had deliberately let her think that her baby wasn’t Jack’s. Amanda enjoyed Charlotte’s company, and she knew that Charlotte needed her as well. They may not be related by blood, but Amanda had been more like family to Charlotte than the Graysons appeared capable of being.
She’d had no siblings when she was Emily Thorne. In some ways, that had made it easier when she became Amanda Clarke. There was no one out there who was going to come looking for her, no one who knew she was Emily Thorne and who could blow their identity switch out of the water. But even before, she had often imagined what it would be like to have a sibling. She’d never managed to form that bond with anyone from her foster homes. Charlotte provided her with the chance to find out.
Amanda had thought of Emily as being like her sister at one time, but now she knows that Emily is capable of trampling all over her to get what she wants. She wonders if Emily ever remembered that, any of the times she was telling her to get out of town. With Charlotte, there’s no ulterior motive. She genuinely wants to get to know Amanda as her sister. And maybe they can be, in a way. They don’t need to be blood related to be a family.
Emily thought that Amanda hadn’t known about it when Kara was in the hospital with her. In fact, she’d heard every word.
When she’d still been Emily Thorne, and she’d first been introduced to her new foster family, the mom had introduced herself saying “I’m your new mommy now.” Emily had wanted to throw up. This woman could never be that. Her mother was dead; she wasn’t coming back, and this woman could never replace her. Emily hated her almost as much as she hated *him* for that.
As Kara Wallace Clarke Murphy had sat by Amanda’s bedside in the hospital believing she was with her daughter, the new Amanda Clarke had been reminded of that all over again. As she kept saying “Mommy’s here,” Amanda wanted to snap “Can you really not tell?” Did she honestly not realise that the woman lying in the hospital bed was not the Amanda Clarke she had given birth to?
She hadn’t reacted this way with Jack, maybe because she already knew that he hadn’t recognised Emily, and maybe also because it suited her purposes not to at the time. But there was just something that felt worse about it when it was Emily’s mother. Amanda had never thought she’d have to face that situation. Everyone in the country knew when David Clarke died, and Emily had believed for a long time that Kara had died too. There was still a part of Amanda whose skin just crawled at the thought of anyone other than Elizabeth Thorne being called her mother.
Yet as Amanda heard Kara’s words, she wondered if maybe in some way she was making her replies to Elizabeth Thorne, letting her know that she forgave her as well, forgave her and her father for getting so hammered and going out on the road anyway, for not stopping to think about her before driving drunk.
Amanda was never going to get the chance to say these words now. But in a way, this time with Kara had helped her to make her peace with Elizabeth. And she hoped that in a way, Emily would get some help from it too.
She’d never thought she’d actually meet Jack Porter.
As Amanda and Emily had exchanged life stories, preparing notes in case they ever did have to answer questions, the new Amanda had learned all about the old one’s childhood friend, not expecting to actually meet him. She had no intention at the time of ever visiting the Hamptons, after all. And even if she had, she had to admit that she’d never expected Jack to have such strong feelings still for his childhood friend. Amanda herself barely remembered any of her own childhood crushes, although that may have been because she’d moved around to a few different foster homes and hadn’t been anywhere long enough for anything really to develop anyway.
Amanda had certainly never expected to develop feelings for Jack. The whole time she was there telling him she was his childhood friend Amanda, she kept expecting to make some mistake that would make him realise that she wasn’t the girl he’d grown up with. She’d tried to keep him at arm’s length, hoping that this wouldn’t happen, but over time she’d realised that she was falling for him. And yes, okay, at the time when Emily was not so subtly hinting to her to get the hell out of Dodge, there was some element of satisfaction in knowing she was pissing her off as well.
When Amanda had first found out she was pregnant, her first reaction was panic. She couldn’t have a kid. Not her, the woman who was living a lie about who she really was, the woman who’d gone from juvie to a strip club. How could Amanda possibly be a mom? It wasn’t as if she’d ever even had a decent role model. What could Amanda ever hope to know about being a good mom? Not to mention that she didn’t even know who the dad was. If it was Jack, great. She knew enough about him to know that he’d try and make it work. If it was the other guy she’d picked up in a bar, not so great. He’d been a mistake, a means of drowning her sorrows after she’d left Jack, and Amanda couldn’t even remember his name.
But over time, Amanda realised that she couldn’t terminate the pregnancy. Because here was someone who she was always going to be able to call her own. Every foster family she went into, she knew that it was always going to be temporary, that something was going to happen to cause the placement to break down. With Jack, even though Amanda knew the childhood stories pretty well and had managed to be accepted as the original Amanda Clarke so far, she always knew that there was a danger that she could make some little slip that would cause him to realise that she wasn’t the same person, maybe some story that had meant something to him but that had seemed trivial enough to Emily to never bother mentioning it, maybe something else. Charlotte, too. She’d enjoyed getting to know her as a sister, and she could tell that Charlotte was coming to see her as a positive influence in her life. (Amanda briefly imagined the looks on her foster parents’ faces at that; they’d never have had her down as anything like that.) She may not be related by blood, but she was doing a better job of looking out for Charlotte than those assholes the Graysons. If Charlotte ever found out that she wasn’t the real Amanda Clarke, that connection would be gone.
And Emily, the sister she’d really thought she’d finally found back when they were in juvie together? Amanda wasn’t so sure any more. Okay, so things had been great while Amanda suited Emily’s purpose, but Emily had made it pretty damn clear that she didn’t want Amanda around because her stupid plans for revenge mattered more to her than their friendship ever had.
But if Amanda kept the baby, she’d have someone she knew was really her family for keeps, whatever happened.
She’d never imagined she’d be in this position. Amanda had really thought she would lose everything: the possibility that the baby wasn’t Jack’s had tainted their relationship, and there had always been the risk that it would come out that she wasn’t the real Amanda Clarke, which would mean she would lose Charlotte too. But everything had worked out; Jack had realised that he wanted to be with her after all, and she’d even rebuilt her relationship with Emily. She was finally getting the life she’d always dreamed of.
Emily had come good, after all. She’d managed to give Amanda the one thing that she really wanted, the family that she had never thought would be her own.