Crack!Fic: Wardrobe Love
So... someone mentioned Daniel's "Sweater of Ascension" and I'd asked over on the Alphagate mailing list if anyone could remember any time he wore that cream colored sweater in 'real life' (i.e., not ascended and not in a vision). The resulting conversation caused the following insanity to bubble up from the depths of my warped mind. Ah, well, as they say, 'better out than in'.
Wardrobe Love
Universe: SG1
Pairing: J/D implied, other/other - too twisted to type (I'd call it slash, but the main characters don't care for that particular word, for obvious reasons).
Rating: painfully G for us primates; probably R if you're a coat hanger.
Warnings: anyone with fiber-sex aversions should probably steer clear. Also, if you're in the garment industry... just no.
Sweater sighed in contentment as it lay half on the handsome leather jacket. "So strong and supple. I can't get enough of your scent and your warmth. I want to be inside you, filling all your empty spaces."
Jacket shivered. "You're making my zipper rattle! I want you inside me. You're soft and warm and so stretchy. I want to hold you and feel your warmth inside me always."
Sweater's fibers vibrated against Jacket's dark, mysterious surface. "I'm afraid it can never be." The sound of sartorial sobs echoed through Jacket's being. "We... *sob* we each belong to another."
Jacket tried to hold his beloved as best he could, but alas, he was right. Unless... "Sweater, my dearest love. There may be a way we can be together."
"Jacket? What are you saying?" Sweater trembled at the thought of being snuggled inside his beloved.
"If something were to happen to Tweed..."
"YES! Oh, Yes! Jacket, you are as brilliant as you are beautiful!"
In another room, Tweed and Flannel were cozied up together in front of the now cold fireplace.
"Yes, dearest Flannel, if Sweater can be unraveled, perhaps you and I can finally be together!"
End... thank goodness!
Wardrobe Love
Universe: SG1
Pairing: J/D implied, other/other - too twisted to type (I'd call it slash, but the main characters don't care for that particular word, for obvious reasons).
Rating: painfully G for us primates; probably R if you're a coat hanger.
Warnings: anyone with fiber-sex aversions should probably steer clear. Also, if you're in the garment industry... just no.
Sweater sighed in contentment as it lay half on the handsome leather jacket. "So strong and supple. I can't get enough of your scent and your warmth. I want to be inside you, filling all your empty spaces."
Jacket shivered. "You're making my zipper rattle! I want you inside me. You're soft and warm and so stretchy. I want to hold you and feel your warmth inside me always."
Sweater's fibers vibrated against Jacket's dark, mysterious surface. "I'm afraid it can never be." The sound of sartorial sobs echoed through Jacket's being. "We... *sob* we each belong to another."
Jacket tried to hold his beloved as best he could, but alas, he was right. Unless... "Sweater, my dearest love. There may be a way we can be together."
"Jacket? What are you saying?" Sweater trembled at the thought of being snuggled inside his beloved.
"If something were to happen to Tweed..."
"YES! Oh, Yes! Jacket, you are as brilliant as you are beautiful!"
In another room, Tweed and Flannel were cozied up together in front of the now cold fireplace.
"Yes, dearest Flannel, if Sweater can be unraveled, perhaps you and I can finally be together!"
End... thank goodness!