Can we please be DONE with the bigotry?
This morning has been an emotional roller coaster. The trigger was something so incredibly trivial, but the response I've seen online has me alternating between white hot anger and unutterable sadness.
For those who may not be aware, and really, if you aren't a fan, why would you be, NCIS apparently committed a cardinal sin last night when a fairly new recurring minor character turned out to be gay. It wasn't a plot point, didn't affect anything, it was just something the character revealed in a moment of stress to someone he apparently felt he could trust, and rightfully so. It was done very nicely and made lots of fans love the guy even more - it gives him additional depth and, given his surroundings, explained a bit of his uncertainty and overall dorkiness. It must be hellish to feel you have to hide something so intrinsic to who you are. And that thought lead to others and still others and here I am typing this up as fast as I can before I lose the ideas jockeying for position in my head.
Fan reaction, overall, seems either positive or neutral about that. But oh, the minority negative response is simply heart breaking. The vileness being spewed by some who in the same breath proclaim their devotion to Christianity astounds me.
The Christ they claim to love and follow would not recognize his spirit in their words, and they should be ashamed.
As most of you know, I'm not Christian. I'm not sure I even believe in a deity at all, and I'm cool with that. I waver to the atheist side sometimes, other times over to the agnostic side of the house. Mostly, it's just not that important in my life. It is in other people's lives and I try to respect that. I don't always succeed and that's on me.
But here's the thing. I was raised Christian. Methodist, in fact. When I realized I didn't actually believe the basic tenants (gotta look that up and make sure I'm not disbelieving in renters) of the religion, I stopped calling myself a Christian. See, even though I didn't believe, I still respected much of what it stood for, and I respected it too much to practice hypocrisy in its name. The thing I respected most about it were the teachings of Jesus. I'm not concerned if he was a real person or if he's a mythological construct designed to teach moral lessons. As far as I'm concerned that doesn't matter. What matters is that he is a transformational figure in our history (real or literary - and after two thousand years, is there a difference? - but that's a fascinating thought for another post) who preached acceptance, inclusion, compassion and charity. He took in the outcasts, fed them, healed them, made them his companions.
I rarely tell anyone in my "real life" about my religious convictions, or lack thereof. I did, at first, but I soon learned better. Anyone who is sitting there sneering and thinking I took the easy way out because being a Christian is such hard work, try *not* being one. I dare you. Try it. Start today. Tell your family, the people you work with, folks on the street that you're atheist. See how they react. Now, live that. Take off your cross. Stop going to church. Stop participating in religious activities. No matter how hard you try, if you really are a believer, you're not going to get the full effect. You're not going to *get* it, because it's not who you are.
You're not going to feel your blood pressure rise when someone decides to "save you" as if you were somehow a lesser being. Or pounds on your door every Sunday morning to "witness" to you. Or lectures you about how you're going to hell and aren't a fit parent. Or stops being available when you call. Stops inviting you over, and stops accepting your invitations. Openly cuts you out of activities that have nothing to with church, but they just don't want "your kind" there. You're not going to feel your gut twist every time someone attempts to force all of us to abide by tenants of a religion we don't follow. You might have to deal with your family shunning you, might even lose that promotion at work to someone more... appropriate. Choosing to not be Christian in 21st century America is a hard row to hoe.
But not as hard as being gay.
Many, I've done it myself, will look at our society and say "Isn't it wonderful? Look how far we've come!" What should be said is, "This is insane! We're still denying members of our society full civil rights, let alone acceptance in our culture!"
I talked with a friend this morning who was just heartsick after reading some of the vitriol spewed over on the NCIS Facebook page. Every bigoted screed posted about that fictional character hit her right in the gut, because the focus wasn't on the character, only on his orientation, an orientation my friend shares. But she had to go to work today and put a smile on her face and pretend her soul hasn't been battered by more examples of what people would think of her if only they knew. She has to pretend and agree that the UPS guy is hot; pretend that she doesn't have a crush on Mary, the receptionist in the next office. She can't risk challenging her coworker's views on "those gays wanting special rights", just in case someone thinks she might be a little too invested.
And if she wants to keep her job, she has to keep her head down and stay out of the line of fire, because no matter how many policies are in place, there are always ways to get rid of employees if an employer deems them "undesirable".
Religion is something we can choose or not. It really is up to the individual (and don't hand me the "but if I don't believe, I'll go to hell" line - never give into extortion). Sexual orientation is something we're born with. I never woke up one morning and thought "Mmm... I think I'll be straight." I just am. And who knows, maybe one day the right woman will sweep me off my feet and I'll discover I'm not as straight as I thought I was. (I don't expect it, but stranger things have happened. :-)
But I digress.
Why do we give these bigots a pass? Why do we *let* them spew their hatred? (And GOP? W.T.F.?) They're *no* different from those who said education would make a woman infertile; no different from people who join the KKK; no different from those who denied that Native Americans were fully human; *no* different from those who rounded up people and marched them into giant gas chambers. *Bigotry* is how it starts! And if you start a comment with, "I'm not a bigot, but why did they have to make him gay, that's icky," guess what. You. Are. A Fucking. Bigot!
Not all bigots wear white hoods or brown shirts. Some feel perfectly justified in their hatred because someone in authority has told them it was okay, "those people" aren't like us. They're different. They *do* things.
*Get* *over* *it*. Learn to think for yourself for once. Bigotry is based in fear. What the *fuck* are you afraid of? Got a little hot and bothered by the other boys, or girls, when you were changing for gym in junior high, didja? If, like my friend, you can't bring yourself to come out, that's okay, it's your choice, but for fuck's sake, stop the self-hatred and definitely stop letting it slop over on everyone else. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Therapy's a lot more productive than bigotry.
I'm so sad that my friend has to hide away and never risk revealing herself. Some people can, like those two Marines whose first kiss went viral (way to *GO*, guys! :-), others, due to career choice or environment can *never* come out because the repercussions from all those "good Christian" folk (not that it's limited to faux-Christians, that's just who's on MY radar at the moment) would be devastating.
So, for any faux-Christians out there, and yes, if you claim to be Christian, yet marginalize, reject and or hate gays, you're a faux-Christian because you're in violation of the core of Christ's teachings. Surely y'all remember "WWJD"? "What would Jesus do". The person, real or not, that I learned about in Sunday school, and read about in the Bible, would be greatly saddened by all of this. Do you *really* think he had no gays among his companions? (I mean, really. Paul? Come *ON*!) Do you think he asked the lepers he healed what their orientation was before he laid hands upon them? Do you think he *CARED* if the hungry people he fed were gay or straight or anything in between or off to the side?
God damn it, open your eyes people and take a good long look at yourselves! And then look at what your narrow-minded high-handed uneducated thinking and actions are doing to flesh and blood people. And not just people online, but people in your lives. Maybe even people you *love*, but who fear your reaction if they were to come out to you. You can sit there all you want and say, "Well, I'm not like that. I would never be so mean to someone I *knew*. I mean, John's a little *different*, but we never never shut him out, though it is a little awkward when he brings his...friend." Guess what, John knows. No matter how well you *think* you're hiding it, John *knows* and it hurts him. It hurts him that his aunts and uncles and cousins and parents think of him as alien. Try thinking of him as *JOHN*.
You've GOT to eradicate the whacked out mindset that makes g/l/b/t people "other".
Because they're not.
They're just people.
And they deserve the same love and respect and acceptance anyone else gets.
Suck it up, people. This has to stop and you're the only ones who can stop it, because *YOU* are the problem. It's not Hollywood or liberals or universities (another WTF moment brought to you by this year's GOP slate) - *YOU* are the god damn problem. Stop the bigotry. Stop the hate. Stop expecting the rest of the world to bend over backwards so you don't have to be uncomfortable when faced with seeing "those people". The trick is to stop actually *being* uncomfortable!
And I fucking guarantee you that if it comes to pass that there is a god and there will be an end of the world and a final judgement, the gay guy in the next cube who lives a good life with his partner Bill and their three children and their house and their dog will be going to heaven... it's bigots like *YOU* who'll get voted off the island.
For those who may not be aware, and really, if you aren't a fan, why would you be, NCIS apparently committed a cardinal sin last night when a fairly new recurring minor character turned out to be gay. It wasn't a plot point, didn't affect anything, it was just something the character revealed in a moment of stress to someone he apparently felt he could trust, and rightfully so. It was done very nicely and made lots of fans love the guy even more - it gives him additional depth and, given his surroundings, explained a bit of his uncertainty and overall dorkiness. It must be hellish to feel you have to hide something so intrinsic to who you are. And that thought lead to others and still others and here I am typing this up as fast as I can before I lose the ideas jockeying for position in my head.
Fan reaction, overall, seems either positive or neutral about that. But oh, the minority negative response is simply heart breaking. The vileness being spewed by some who in the same breath proclaim their devotion to Christianity astounds me.
The Christ they claim to love and follow would not recognize his spirit in their words, and they should be ashamed.
As most of you know, I'm not Christian. I'm not sure I even believe in a deity at all, and I'm cool with that. I waver to the atheist side sometimes, other times over to the agnostic side of the house. Mostly, it's just not that important in my life. It is in other people's lives and I try to respect that. I don't always succeed and that's on me.
But here's the thing. I was raised Christian. Methodist, in fact. When I realized I didn't actually believe the basic tenants (gotta look that up and make sure I'm not disbelieving in renters) of the religion, I stopped calling myself a Christian. See, even though I didn't believe, I still respected much of what it stood for, and I respected it too much to practice hypocrisy in its name. The thing I respected most about it were the teachings of Jesus. I'm not concerned if he was a real person or if he's a mythological construct designed to teach moral lessons. As far as I'm concerned that doesn't matter. What matters is that he is a transformational figure in our history (real or literary - and after two thousand years, is there a difference? - but that's a fascinating thought for another post) who preached acceptance, inclusion, compassion and charity. He took in the outcasts, fed them, healed them, made them his companions.
I rarely tell anyone in my "real life" about my religious convictions, or lack thereof. I did, at first, but I soon learned better. Anyone who is sitting there sneering and thinking I took the easy way out because being a Christian is such hard work, try *not* being one. I dare you. Try it. Start today. Tell your family, the people you work with, folks on the street that you're atheist. See how they react. Now, live that. Take off your cross. Stop going to church. Stop participating in religious activities. No matter how hard you try, if you really are a believer, you're not going to get the full effect. You're not going to *get* it, because it's not who you are.
You're not going to feel your blood pressure rise when someone decides to "save you" as if you were somehow a lesser being. Or pounds on your door every Sunday morning to "witness" to you. Or lectures you about how you're going to hell and aren't a fit parent. Or stops being available when you call. Stops inviting you over, and stops accepting your invitations. Openly cuts you out of activities that have nothing to with church, but they just don't want "your kind" there. You're not going to feel your gut twist every time someone attempts to force all of us to abide by tenants of a religion we don't follow. You might have to deal with your family shunning you, might even lose that promotion at work to someone more... appropriate. Choosing to not be Christian in 21st century America is a hard row to hoe.
But not as hard as being gay.
Many, I've done it myself, will look at our society and say "Isn't it wonderful? Look how far we've come!" What should be said is, "This is insane! We're still denying members of our society full civil rights, let alone acceptance in our culture!"
I talked with a friend this morning who was just heartsick after reading some of the vitriol spewed over on the NCIS Facebook page. Every bigoted screed posted about that fictional character hit her right in the gut, because the focus wasn't on the character, only on his orientation, an orientation my friend shares. But she had to go to work today and put a smile on her face and pretend her soul hasn't been battered by more examples of what people would think of her if only they knew. She has to pretend and agree that the UPS guy is hot; pretend that she doesn't have a crush on Mary, the receptionist in the next office. She can't risk challenging her coworker's views on "those gays wanting special rights", just in case someone thinks she might be a little too invested.
And if she wants to keep her job, she has to keep her head down and stay out of the line of fire, because no matter how many policies are in place, there are always ways to get rid of employees if an employer deems them "undesirable".
Religion is something we can choose or not. It really is up to the individual (and don't hand me the "but if I don't believe, I'll go to hell" line - never give into extortion). Sexual orientation is something we're born with. I never woke up one morning and thought "Mmm... I think I'll be straight." I just am. And who knows, maybe one day the right woman will sweep me off my feet and I'll discover I'm not as straight as I thought I was. (I don't expect it, but stranger things have happened. :-)
But I digress.
Why do we give these bigots a pass? Why do we *let* them spew their hatred? (And GOP? W.T.F.?) They're *no* different from those who said education would make a woman infertile; no different from people who join the KKK; no different from those who denied that Native Americans were fully human; *no* different from those who rounded up people and marched them into giant gas chambers. *Bigotry* is how it starts! And if you start a comment with, "I'm not a bigot, but why did they have to make him gay, that's icky," guess what. You. Are. A Fucking. Bigot!
Not all bigots wear white hoods or brown shirts. Some feel perfectly justified in their hatred because someone in authority has told them it was okay, "those people" aren't like us. They're different. They *do* things.
*Get* *over* *it*. Learn to think for yourself for once. Bigotry is based in fear. What the *fuck* are you afraid of? Got a little hot and bothered by the other boys, or girls, when you were changing for gym in junior high, didja? If, like my friend, you can't bring yourself to come out, that's okay, it's your choice, but for fuck's sake, stop the self-hatred and definitely stop letting it slop over on everyone else. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Therapy's a lot more productive than bigotry.
I'm so sad that my friend has to hide away and never risk revealing herself. Some people can, like those two Marines whose first kiss went viral (way to *GO*, guys! :-), others, due to career choice or environment can *never* come out because the repercussions from all those "good Christian" folk (not that it's limited to faux-Christians, that's just who's on MY radar at the moment) would be devastating.
So, for any faux-Christians out there, and yes, if you claim to be Christian, yet marginalize, reject and or hate gays, you're a faux-Christian because you're in violation of the core of Christ's teachings. Surely y'all remember "WWJD"? "What would Jesus do". The person, real or not, that I learned about in Sunday school, and read about in the Bible, would be greatly saddened by all of this. Do you *really* think he had no gays among his companions? (I mean, really. Paul? Come *ON*!) Do you think he asked the lepers he healed what their orientation was before he laid hands upon them? Do you think he *CARED* if the hungry people he fed were gay or straight or anything in between or off to the side?
God damn it, open your eyes people and take a good long look at yourselves! And then look at what your narrow-minded high-handed uneducated thinking and actions are doing to flesh and blood people. And not just people online, but people in your lives. Maybe even people you *love*, but who fear your reaction if they were to come out to you. You can sit there all you want and say, "Well, I'm not like that. I would never be so mean to someone I *knew*. I mean, John's a little *different*, but we never never shut him out, though it is a little awkward when he brings his...friend." Guess what, John knows. No matter how well you *think* you're hiding it, John *knows* and it hurts him. It hurts him that his aunts and uncles and cousins and parents think of him as alien. Try thinking of him as *JOHN*.
You've GOT to eradicate the whacked out mindset that makes g/l/b/t people "other".
Because they're not.
They're just people.
And they deserve the same love and respect and acceptance anyone else gets.
Suck it up, people. This has to stop and you're the only ones who can stop it, because *YOU* are the problem. It's not Hollywood or liberals or universities (another WTF moment brought to you by this year's GOP slate) - *YOU* are the god damn problem. Stop the bigotry. Stop the hate. Stop expecting the rest of the world to bend over backwards so you don't have to be uncomfortable when faced with seeing "those people". The trick is to stop actually *being* uncomfortable!
And I fucking guarantee you that if it comes to pass that there is a god and there will be an end of the world and a final judgement, the gay guy in the next cube who lives a good life with his partner Bill and their three children and their house and their dog will be going to heaven... it's bigots like *YOU* who'll get voted off the island.