Comments | teine: Past Mistakes

teine

Past Mistakes

Sep 06, 2004 13:40

I've spent a lot of time since BiCon thinking about polyamory - in my past as well as my future. In my past, it hasn't always been very positive for all involved; I've made a lot of mistakes, hurt people, and have had to learn from that. I think I've been successful in that - in as much as I haven't generally made the same mistake twice, but I'm ( Read more... )

Comments 22

lilpandoraa September 6 2004, 13:32:43 UTC

Hmmm ( ... )

teine September 6 2004, 16:05:06 UTC

Yes, I'm very happy with where I am now.. You've seen my silly grins when I'm around ruine_? How could I not be? :)

I have the right girl for me, and I make damn sure I can communicate well with her.

suddenstorm September 6 2004, 20:29:34 UTC

I've lived on both sides of this coin...I've been the newcomer in an existing relationship on several occasions and now am the existing partner with a partner who is openly looking but not pouncing. I've made a few mistakes, especially when I was in emotional states where I -knew- I shouldn't have been making lifestyle changes or additions...but we all make mistakes. It's how we learn, eh ( ... )

prettyname September 7 2004, 03:16:01 UTC

As I read your post I had very conflicting emotions, but it was good for me to read. And forgetting what the subject was and what happened in the past, the realisations, the lessons learned, the honesty in the last quarter of your post have made me smile. You know I'm one who believes that everything happens for a reason, and experience is the only way we ever truly learn from the inside out about ourselves. Being wise enough to realise that others might also be experiencing turmoil inside about decisions made, is being half way there to getting things right ( ... )

sshrew September 14 2004, 11:58:49 UTC

It's easy to armchair analyze the situation from a detached perspective...

Your partner:
"You should have known." What a dangerous set of words. Perhaps she had reservations but chose to conceal them, in which case, she was sending you into a losing situation no matter how you chose to conduct yourself. Perhaps she genuinely wasn't aware that her reaction would be negative; regardless, after words like that, the next set of negotiations will leave everyone involved second-guessing.

You:
You ignored your gut instincts, and that's always a risky proposition.

K:
She might not have understood your reasons for the revised boundaries that you established with her, but she could have respected them more.

The fact of the matter is that we don't live life from a detached perspective. Your partner felt wronged, you felt guilty and K felt rejected. All of those feelings were justified... it helps no one to assign blame.

Being stuck in the middle between two people you have very strong feelings for is horrible. If I'm ever the person ( ... )

Thoughts dobhran January 4 2005, 20:29:35 UTC

No matter what the situation is, being a 'Piggy in the Middle' is a horrible experience, especially when you can sympathise and empathise with both parties yet they stubbornly hold their ground. Ive been there a few times and when I see it coming I run like hell. I was very very conscious of not setting anything like that up with you, and made sure everything was Kosher with Ruine before anything happened.

I think Im more of the opinion that if it feels wrong, dont do it - even if you agreed to it - always always trust your instincts. If a decision is split between head and heart, I will always choose heart - I can look back and know I made the best emotional decision I could at the time. The heart doesnt lie to you, the head can and will to protect you.