It's Best To Just Keep Going Forward [Simon, Rose] PG
Title: It’s Best To Just Keep Going Forward
Fandom: Doctor Who, Firefly
Characters: Simon, Rose, Ten, River, Mal, Kaylee, Inara, others
Pairings: Ten/Rose implied, Mal/Simon, Inara/Kaylee, major Simon/Rose friendship
Summary: Simon finally talks.
Timeline: Following the previous fics in this series.
Word Count: 3482
Rating: PG
Notes: Major thanks to naughtyelf for always reading these and assuring me they're good before I post them.
Previous Parts
This Used To Be Home, Mal/Simon, others
Something Like Home, Simon, Rose, Ten
The Same But Not Quite Simon, Rose
“What was she like?”
Simon was sitting in his room with Rose. They did this sometimes, just sat and talked. Simon had pulled out some captures that he’d brought along when he left home. Most had been taken by Kaylee the night before he left Serenity, but some were from before everything, from when he and River were children, growing up on Osiris. He’d kept the ones of Serenity out, at least for now. He didn’t want to talk about them, not right now.
“Hmm?”
Rose flipped the picture so he could see it properly.
“Your sister. She’s very pretty,” she paused, “What was she like?”
Simon smiled a little bit. It was still painful to think about River, but it was better. He could think about her now, and it didn’t make him feel quite so guilty when he thought about her death.
“River was…she was special, you know. A genius, really. She could do everything. She was also a brat,” he laughed quietly, “I miss her, you know. We were always very close.”
Rose paused, as if she wanted to ask something she wasn’t entirely sure she should ask.
“How did she die?”
Simon didn’t say anything. He’d told Rose about The Academy and the Alliance and why they had been on Serenity, but he had never told her the details of his sister’s death. He hadn’t even told his parents what had happened. All they knew was that she died. They hadn’t even asked how.
“Simon?”
“I’ve never talked about it. I don’t know if I can.”
Rose nodded, “It’s alright,” she smiled a bit, “I thought you might not want to, but I’m nosey. I couldn’t help but ask. Just tell me when I get a bit too curious. I’ll shut up.”
“It’s fine, Rose. Really. It’s just a bad memory.”
She nodded. She understood. She really understood, more than he realized.
“So, are there any other parts of your life I can stick my nose in? Any more photos?”
“They’re called captures, and,” he sighed a little, “Yeah, there are,” he took out the captures Kaylee had taken on Serenity, “I didn’t really want to bring these out, but it can’t really hurt, I imagine.”
He’d known Rose for nearly two months, and there were a lot of things he’d yet to tell her. Most of his life on Serenity, he’d kept to himself. It wasn’t that it was all painful, it was just that it was his. He liked Rose. She was sweet, and she was an amazing friend to have, but there were things he wasn’t quite sure he knew how to explain or describe.
“I promise not to pry,” she rolled her eyes at the look he gave her, “Alright, I’ll try not to pry.”
Simon got together the stack of captures and put the first one out where she could see. It was Zoe and Wash, sitting at the kitchen table, smiling and laughing. Simon had had to explain the idea of the captures. “Like photos, only they move,” was the way Rose had described it, “Sort of mixing the idea of a photo and a film,” she went on. Simon assumed that was an accurate description.
“Say something to Simon,” he heard Kaylee cheerfully tell them somewhere off capture.
Wash and Zoe looked up, still smiling.
“What to say, what to say. Well, Simon, you’re leaving. Try to forget about Jayne constantly telling you good riddance, I know it’ll be hard,” Wash went on, “Have fun back on Osiris! We sure will miss ya around here.”
Simon remembered the night he left. It was hard, saying goodbye, but they’d all tried their best to stay positive, to ignore the reasons why he was leaving. He appreciated it. He didn’t think he could handle it if they’d all been sad. He needed to leave, at that point, and he wouldn’t have gone.
“You’re ramblin’, husband,” Zoe looked at the camera, “He ain’t lyin’ though. You’ll be missed ‘round here, doc.”
“They seem nice,” Rose stated as the loop started again at the beginning.
“They are.”
“They’re married, are they? They don’t seem to blend very well.”
That made Simon laugh. It seemed to be everyone’s first impression of Wash and Zoe, not that he could blame anyone for thinking that. He’d thought it himself.
“They don’t do that,” he paused, “They’re great together, really.”
“Alright, next photo then!”
Simon laughed a bit and flipped to the next capture. Anyone else and he might not be so willing, but he’d seen where Rose lived, met her mother, not to mention fought aliens and saved worlds alongside her and The Doctor.
The next photo was of Jayne, looking not too pleased to be forced in front of the camera to say his goodbyes to Simon.
“Come on, Jayne! Be nice, just this once. He’s goin’ tomorrow.”
“Good riddance,” he mumbled, “I don’t even like ‘im! Why do I gotta be all sappy and say bye to someone I don’t even like!?”
“Jayne.”
Jayne rolled his eyes and didn’t even pretend to look happy.
“Bye, doc. Don’t get yourself killed. Cap’n might not like that. And don’t let the door hit ya in the a--”
The capture cut off and looped back to the beginning.
“Well, he’s not a very pleasant man, is he?”
“No, no, pleasant definitely is not the word I would use to describe Jayne.”
Rose laughed and took the captures from him, flipping to the next one. She’d figured out by watching Simon, so she started it up. This one was Inara and Kaylee, in front of the camera.
“Am I working this right? I’m a pilot. I can’t work things like this,” Wash’s voice came from off capture.
Kaylee laughed slightly. “You got it, Wash!”
She and Inara turned to look at the camera.
“I don’t even know what to say! I know we had some rough times, Simon, but I hate to see ya go! We’ll miss ya here, ya know? Ain’t gonna be the same without ya,” Kaylee was smiling, despite the obvious sadness in her eyes, “Inara?”
“Kaylee’s right, Simon. We’re going to miss you, and I know Mal’s going to miss you, even if he refused to participate in this,” Inara sighed a bit, “And because Kaylee didn’t say it, I will, don’t you dare go off back to Osiris and forget us. You’ll contact us and let us know you’re okay, even if it’s only every few months or so, or I’ll come and find you myself.”
Kaylee laughed quietly from beside Inara.
“That’s her serious voice. You know she’s not lyin’.”
Inara and Kaylee both smiled and spoke together, “Bye, Simon!”
The capture looped back around to the beginning.
“Those were your friends, then. They seem like wonderful people.”
“Kaylee and Inara were amazing. After River died, I don’t know what I would have done without Kaylee.”
“So, are they together then?”
“Hmm?”
“Inara and Kaylee? Are they?”
“They were. I’m not sure if they still are. I hope so. They deserve to be.”
She nodded a bit and moved to the last capture. Simon had never actually watched it. He could deal with all of the goodbyes, but he wasn’t sure he could handle watching that one. Kaylee and done it without his knowledge and snuck it into the stack before he left the ship the next morning. He’d meant to take it out of the stack before he showed Rose.
“I think that’s enough for now,” he grabbed for the stack.
She slapped his hand away and moved out of reach.
“No, no, I think we’ll watch this too. Why wouldn’t you want to? What, do you trip and fall? Something more embarrassing? I’ve got to see it, you know.”
She started the capture up before he could argue anymore.
It was Simon, standing alone near the back of the room. Kaylee had suggested a party, but Simon wasn’t in the mood for it, so he spent most of the time away from the rest of the group, despite his efforts. The person he wanted most to say goodbye too wasn’t there anyway. Not up until that point. After just a couple of seconds, Mal walked into the shot. This was why Simon hadn’t watched this capture before. He knew where it led.
Kaylee had been far enough away that the capture didn’t pick up any sound, but Simon could remember what was going on, what was being said. It was goodbye.
Mal put his arms around Simon. Simon leaned into Mal. He could see their lips moving, and he knew what they had said like it hadn‘t happened more than a few days ago. It was almost easier that Kaylee hadn’t managed to pick up the words. He didn’t want to hear them again.
They kissed.
Simon walked away.
The capture started over.
Simon didn’t speak. He had known what he was going to see, and that was why he’d never watched the capture. Kaylee meant well including it, he knew that, but it was painful. Losing Mal had been almost as hard as losing River, even if he knew Mal was still out there somewhere. Mostly it had been because of everything left unsaid. He couldn’t think about.
“Simon,” Rose was whispering, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
He shook his head. It wasn’t Rose’s fault. It was his own.
“It’s fine.”
“I’m going to leave you alone now,” she paused, “Come find me if you want to talk.”
She sat the captures down on the bed next to him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the room. She was curious now, but as nosey as she was, she knew when to leave something alone.
-----
It had been a few days, and Simon seemed to be hiding out in his room. The Doctor and Rose had gotten so used to having him around that the TARDIS, and their adventures, started to seem strange without him there with them, but Rose knew he just needed time to himself. She wasn’t willing to give him much before she started trying to force him out of hiding, but she could give him a few days.
And a few days had passed. Rose stood outside Simon’s room with a defeated look on her face. She tapped on the door lightly.
“Come on, Simon. You’ve got to come out of there some time,” she sighed.
“Just leave him, Rose,” The Doctor came up behind her, “He’ll come out when he’s ready,” he paused, “Not that I really care what goes on between the two of you, but what exactly happened?”
“I told you, nothing’s going on between the two of us,” she smiled just a bit, “Are you jealous?”
“No. Why would I be jealous?” He paused, “We’re not talking about me.”
“I’m not sure it’s my place to say. We were talking about his life before, on his old ship, and I think I forced him into revealing a bit more than he wanted to. It was a bit too much for him.”
The Doctor sighed. He assumed it was something like that. He never actually believed anything was going on between Rose and Simon. It was quite obvious Simon had other interests. He had a sense about those things.
“Just leave him. He’ll speak with you when he’s ready.”
The Doctor walked off. Rose sighed, resigned, and turned to walk away. The Doctor was probably right, and Simon would get over it and come out of his room eventually. Rose just hated thinking it was her fault he’d retreated.
She was almost around the corner when she heard the door to his room open. She turned around and smiled, only slightly, at him.
“Rose,” he paused, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she walked closer, “I should be apologizing. I had no idea.’
“It’s fine. Really. I’ve just been trying so hard to forget about all of that, you know. I’m constantly wondering about them, especially him, and that just brought it all back up. I shouldn’t have overreacted, though,” he sighed, “It was easy on Serenity. If I ever got too stressed out or worried too much, I could retreat into the infirmary. There was always something to clean or straighten or some inventory to take. It’s not like that here.”
She nodded slightly. She’d grown so close to Simon in the last few months, that the idea that he would rather be somewhere else hurt. Honestly, the idea that anyone would rather be somewhere else, somewhere other than the TARDIS, was shocking to her, but Simon had people somewhere else, and it did seem natural.
“You could talk to The Doctor, you know. You could go back and find them. Find him.”
“No. No, I left that behind. It’s my loss, but it’s also my fault.”
“If you ever change your mind, you could just tell us.”
“I know.”
The truth was, Simon wanted to go back. Wanted it more than anything. But there were too many thoughts in his head keeping him from actually making the move. He didn’t know what had happened to them. He didn’t know where they were. He didn’t know if they would even want him back.
He didn’t know if Mal would want him back.
“We’re about to make a stop back home. I called mum, and she’s feeling a bit under the weather. You’re welcome to join us, if you’d like,” she smiled slightly, “I can tell you about our little trip to the fiftieth century that you missed.”
-----
It turned out that Jackie had had just a small touch of food poisoning. She wasn’t very sick, and they only stayed for a night. She saw them off, with sandwiches and tea, the next morning, making them promise they’d stop by soon. Especially Simon.
He wasn’t sure what to make of that.
They stepped into the TARDIS, smiling. Simon was in much better spirits than he had been the last few days. Once he’d come out of his room and stopped dwelling, he found other things to think about, namely hearing Rose recount the trip to the fiftieth century she and The Doctor had gone on while he was hiding out.
“Jackie’s really taken a liking to you, hasn’t she?” The Doctor looked at Simon in amusement, “I think I might be getting jealous.”
“You don’t even like my mum!” Rose laughed.
“I like your mum,” he paused, “She’s quite nice.”
Rose shook her head and laughed.
“You are such a liar.”
The Doctor just grinned. Simon watched them, not saying anything. He could tell, just by looking, how much they cared about each other. He’d been noticing it for a while now. He didn’t think anything had happened between them. Rose had told him nothing had happened between them. Despite how great they were together, they both seemed determined to leave it where it was.
Simon couldn’t decide if he thought that was a good thing or a bad thing. He knew firsthand what happened when you ignored such feelings, but he didn’t think Rose and The Doctor were ignoring their feelings so much as they seemed to have a silent agreement that they knew they had feelings, but they didn’t want to push it.
“I am no such thing!”
The Doctor held a slight grin, and Rose laughed again. Simon smiled at the two of them, his new family. He regretted leaving Serenity, but he liked it here. He liked Rose and The Doctor. If he had to be around from Kaylee, Inara and Mal, he was glad he was with the two of them.
“So, I think Simon should choose where we go next. He’s never had a go!”
The conversation had changed course when Simon wasn’t paying attention. He looked over at a grinning Rose.
“You could be right about that, Rose,” The Doctor looked at Simon, “So, where is it then?”
“Anywhere? Anytime?” Simon paused, “I’m not sure …”
“Oh, there’s got to be something you want to see!” Rose looked at him, hopefully.
He knew what she was thinking. She knew now why he missed Serenity. He wasn’t going back though. Not now. Maybe not ever.
He paused.
“There is one place.”
-----
“Are you sure you want to do this?” The Doctor looked at Simon warily, “I’m usually not in the practice of doing things such as this,” he stole a glance at Rose, “So you’ve got to be sure.”
“I’m sure.”
“We’ll be right there with you, Simon,” Rose took his hand and gripped it gently.
The Doctor opened the door to the TARDIS to reveal a world not unlike the one he left behind. It was Osiris, about ten years previously. They stepped out and walked through the city, until they reached the Tam residence. Outside, there were two young adults. One, a girl, was around thirteen or fourteen, at most. The other was obviously Simon, a few years younger, in his early twenties.
The girl was running around the yard, stopping to do a pirouette turn now and again. She knew what she was doing, because the texture of the grass didn’t stop her from landing each turn with complete perfection. Simon smiled, looking on as she did the routine in perfect time with music, probably playing in her head.
“Come on, River. You’ve got to go soon, and mom wants to sit down for dinner before they come pick you up for the Academy.”
Rose looked over at the older Simon, who was frowning slightly.
“Are you okay?”
He just nodded and continued to watch the scene in front of him play out. He’d picked this day on purpose. This was the last time he’d seen his sister when she was still completely his sister, before the government had taken a girl, a fourteen year old girl, and played with her brain, poked and prodded and cut into it, until she was just a broken shell of herself.
River sighed and walked over to her brother. She whispered something they couldn’t hear from their hidden spot across the street. The Doctor had explained to Simon that he couldn’t be seen, especially by someone that would realize it was him and know there were two walking around. He watched as the younger version of himself and River walked into the estate.
“Are you sure you want to watch this? We could still leave, you know,” Rose was quiet next to him. She understood, really, but she knew this must have been painful for him, having only heard what little she had about River.
“I’m sure.”
About twenty minutes later, twenty minutes where the three of them had stood in silence, Simon, River, and their parents walked out of the house. They were all smiling, happy with the knowledge that River was going off to get a great education from looked to be the best school in the core. No one was sad that day, Simon remembered. He and River promised to write and speak via the cortex as often as possible. She made him swear to tell her if his possible relationship went anywhere, and he made her promise she’d tell him if any boys tried anything with her. It was such a happy day.
Simon swallowed, trying not to show exactly how emotional this was for him, as the small hovercraft pulled up outside the gate. River hugged her parents and kissed Simon on the cheek.
“Bye! And don’t worry, I’ll be back before you know it!” She ducked into the car. A few seconds later, her head popped back out again, “And remember, Simon, I want to know every detail about your date with Thomas,” she grinned before quickly ducking back into the hover craft.
“It’s not a date, brat!” he called out, just before she closed the door.
The hovercraft took off, as the Tams continued waving, all with smiles on their faces. They had no idea what was coming. Simon felt sorry for his former self. He wished he’d known at the time what was coming.
“Simon, you can’t--” The Doctor knew what he was thinking.
“I know I can’t,” he whispered.
“We should go,” Rose was quiet.
“Just a second.”
Simon watched as younger Simon and his parents turned to walk back into the house. He waited until they disappeared inside to turn to The Doctor and Rose.
“Okay, let’s go.”
“Are you alright, Simon?” Rose asked.
“I am, yeah.”
The Doctor watched Simon. He liked the man, but he knew humans, and he knew they very rarely were able to stop themselves at a time like this. Rose herself hadn’t been strong enough to keep from doing it. He was impressed, though, because Simon just kept walking toward the TARDIS.
He never even looked back.
Fandom: Doctor Who, Firefly
Characters: Simon, Rose, Ten, River, Mal, Kaylee, Inara, others
Pairings: Ten/Rose implied, Mal/Simon, Inara/Kaylee, major Simon/Rose friendship
Summary: Simon finally talks.
Timeline: Following the previous fics in this series.
Word Count: 3482
Rating: PG
Notes: Major thanks to naughtyelf for always reading these and assuring me they're good before I post them.
Previous Parts
This Used To Be Home, Mal/Simon, others
Something Like Home, Simon, Rose, Ten
The Same But Not Quite Simon, Rose
“What was she like?”
Simon was sitting in his room with Rose. They did this sometimes, just sat and talked. Simon had pulled out some captures that he’d brought along when he left home. Most had been taken by Kaylee the night before he left Serenity, but some were from before everything, from when he and River were children, growing up on Osiris. He’d kept the ones of Serenity out, at least for now. He didn’t want to talk about them, not right now.
“Hmm?”
Rose flipped the picture so he could see it properly.
“Your sister. She’s very pretty,” she paused, “What was she like?”
Simon smiled a little bit. It was still painful to think about River, but it was better. He could think about her now, and it didn’t make him feel quite so guilty when he thought about her death.
“River was…she was special, you know. A genius, really. She could do everything. She was also a brat,” he laughed quietly, “I miss her, you know. We were always very close.”
Rose paused, as if she wanted to ask something she wasn’t entirely sure she should ask.
“How did she die?”
Simon didn’t say anything. He’d told Rose about The Academy and the Alliance and why they had been on Serenity, but he had never told her the details of his sister’s death. He hadn’t even told his parents what had happened. All they knew was that she died. They hadn’t even asked how.
“Simon?”
“I’ve never talked about it. I don’t know if I can.”
Rose nodded, “It’s alright,” she smiled a bit, “I thought you might not want to, but I’m nosey. I couldn’t help but ask. Just tell me when I get a bit too curious. I’ll shut up.”
“It’s fine, Rose. Really. It’s just a bad memory.”
She nodded. She understood. She really understood, more than he realized.
“So, are there any other parts of your life I can stick my nose in? Any more photos?”
“They’re called captures, and,” he sighed a little, “Yeah, there are,” he took out the captures Kaylee had taken on Serenity, “I didn’t really want to bring these out, but it can’t really hurt, I imagine.”
He’d known Rose for nearly two months, and there were a lot of things he’d yet to tell her. Most of his life on Serenity, he’d kept to himself. It wasn’t that it was all painful, it was just that it was his. He liked Rose. She was sweet, and she was an amazing friend to have, but there were things he wasn’t quite sure he knew how to explain or describe.
“I promise not to pry,” she rolled her eyes at the look he gave her, “Alright, I’ll try not to pry.”
Simon got together the stack of captures and put the first one out where she could see. It was Zoe and Wash, sitting at the kitchen table, smiling and laughing. Simon had had to explain the idea of the captures. “Like photos, only they move,” was the way Rose had described it, “Sort of mixing the idea of a photo and a film,” she went on. Simon assumed that was an accurate description.
“Say something to Simon,” he heard Kaylee cheerfully tell them somewhere off capture.
Wash and Zoe looked up, still smiling.
“What to say, what to say. Well, Simon, you’re leaving. Try to forget about Jayne constantly telling you good riddance, I know it’ll be hard,” Wash went on, “Have fun back on Osiris! We sure will miss ya around here.”
Simon remembered the night he left. It was hard, saying goodbye, but they’d all tried their best to stay positive, to ignore the reasons why he was leaving. He appreciated it. He didn’t think he could handle it if they’d all been sad. He needed to leave, at that point, and he wouldn’t have gone.
“You’re ramblin’, husband,” Zoe looked at the camera, “He ain’t lyin’ though. You’ll be missed ‘round here, doc.”
“They seem nice,” Rose stated as the loop started again at the beginning.
“They are.”
“They’re married, are they? They don’t seem to blend very well.”
That made Simon laugh. It seemed to be everyone’s first impression of Wash and Zoe, not that he could blame anyone for thinking that. He’d thought it himself.
“They don’t do that,” he paused, “They’re great together, really.”
“Alright, next photo then!”
Simon laughed a bit and flipped to the next capture. Anyone else and he might not be so willing, but he’d seen where Rose lived, met her mother, not to mention fought aliens and saved worlds alongside her and The Doctor.
The next photo was of Jayne, looking not too pleased to be forced in front of the camera to say his goodbyes to Simon.
“Come on, Jayne! Be nice, just this once. He’s goin’ tomorrow.”
“Good riddance,” he mumbled, “I don’t even like ‘im! Why do I gotta be all sappy and say bye to someone I don’t even like!?”
“Jayne.”
Jayne rolled his eyes and didn’t even pretend to look happy.
“Bye, doc. Don’t get yourself killed. Cap’n might not like that. And don’t let the door hit ya in the a--”
The capture cut off and looped back to the beginning.
“Well, he’s not a very pleasant man, is he?”
“No, no, pleasant definitely is not the word I would use to describe Jayne.”
Rose laughed and took the captures from him, flipping to the next one. She’d figured out by watching Simon, so she started it up. This one was Inara and Kaylee, in front of the camera.
“Am I working this right? I’m a pilot. I can’t work things like this,” Wash’s voice came from off capture.
Kaylee laughed slightly. “You got it, Wash!”
She and Inara turned to look at the camera.
“I don’t even know what to say! I know we had some rough times, Simon, but I hate to see ya go! We’ll miss ya here, ya know? Ain’t gonna be the same without ya,” Kaylee was smiling, despite the obvious sadness in her eyes, “Inara?”
“Kaylee’s right, Simon. We’re going to miss you, and I know Mal’s going to miss you, even if he refused to participate in this,” Inara sighed a bit, “And because Kaylee didn’t say it, I will, don’t you dare go off back to Osiris and forget us. You’ll contact us and let us know you’re okay, even if it’s only every few months or so, or I’ll come and find you myself.”
Kaylee laughed quietly from beside Inara.
“That’s her serious voice. You know she’s not lyin’.”
Inara and Kaylee both smiled and spoke together, “Bye, Simon!”
The capture looped back around to the beginning.
“Those were your friends, then. They seem like wonderful people.”
“Kaylee and Inara were amazing. After River died, I don’t know what I would have done without Kaylee.”
“So, are they together then?”
“Hmm?”
“Inara and Kaylee? Are they?”
“They were. I’m not sure if they still are. I hope so. They deserve to be.”
She nodded a bit and moved to the last capture. Simon had never actually watched it. He could deal with all of the goodbyes, but he wasn’t sure he could handle watching that one. Kaylee and done it without his knowledge and snuck it into the stack before he left the ship the next morning. He’d meant to take it out of the stack before he showed Rose.
“I think that’s enough for now,” he grabbed for the stack.
She slapped his hand away and moved out of reach.
“No, no, I think we’ll watch this too. Why wouldn’t you want to? What, do you trip and fall? Something more embarrassing? I’ve got to see it, you know.”
She started the capture up before he could argue anymore.
It was Simon, standing alone near the back of the room. Kaylee had suggested a party, but Simon wasn’t in the mood for it, so he spent most of the time away from the rest of the group, despite his efforts. The person he wanted most to say goodbye too wasn’t there anyway. Not up until that point. After just a couple of seconds, Mal walked into the shot. This was why Simon hadn’t watched this capture before. He knew where it led.
Kaylee had been far enough away that the capture didn’t pick up any sound, but Simon could remember what was going on, what was being said. It was goodbye.
Mal put his arms around Simon. Simon leaned into Mal. He could see their lips moving, and he knew what they had said like it hadn‘t happened more than a few days ago. It was almost easier that Kaylee hadn’t managed to pick up the words. He didn’t want to hear them again.
They kissed.
Simon walked away.
The capture started over.
Simon didn’t speak. He had known what he was going to see, and that was why he’d never watched the capture. Kaylee meant well including it, he knew that, but it was painful. Losing Mal had been almost as hard as losing River, even if he knew Mal was still out there somewhere. Mostly it had been because of everything left unsaid. He couldn’t think about.
“Simon,” Rose was whispering, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
He shook his head. It wasn’t Rose’s fault. It was his own.
“It’s fine.”
“I’m going to leave you alone now,” she paused, “Come find me if you want to talk.”
She sat the captures down on the bed next to him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the room. She was curious now, but as nosey as she was, she knew when to leave something alone.
-----
It had been a few days, and Simon seemed to be hiding out in his room. The Doctor and Rose had gotten so used to having him around that the TARDIS, and their adventures, started to seem strange without him there with them, but Rose knew he just needed time to himself. She wasn’t willing to give him much before she started trying to force him out of hiding, but she could give him a few days.
And a few days had passed. Rose stood outside Simon’s room with a defeated look on her face. She tapped on the door lightly.
“Come on, Simon. You’ve got to come out of there some time,” she sighed.
“Just leave him, Rose,” The Doctor came up behind her, “He’ll come out when he’s ready,” he paused, “Not that I really care what goes on between the two of you, but what exactly happened?”
“I told you, nothing’s going on between the two of us,” she smiled just a bit, “Are you jealous?”
“No. Why would I be jealous?” He paused, “We’re not talking about me.”
“I’m not sure it’s my place to say. We were talking about his life before, on his old ship, and I think I forced him into revealing a bit more than he wanted to. It was a bit too much for him.”
The Doctor sighed. He assumed it was something like that. He never actually believed anything was going on between Rose and Simon. It was quite obvious Simon had other interests. He had a sense about those things.
“Just leave him. He’ll speak with you when he’s ready.”
The Doctor walked off. Rose sighed, resigned, and turned to walk away. The Doctor was probably right, and Simon would get over it and come out of his room eventually. Rose just hated thinking it was her fault he’d retreated.
She was almost around the corner when she heard the door to his room open. She turned around and smiled, only slightly, at him.
“Rose,” he paused, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she walked closer, “I should be apologizing. I had no idea.’
“It’s fine. Really. I’ve just been trying so hard to forget about all of that, you know. I’m constantly wondering about them, especially him, and that just brought it all back up. I shouldn’t have overreacted, though,” he sighed, “It was easy on Serenity. If I ever got too stressed out or worried too much, I could retreat into the infirmary. There was always something to clean or straighten or some inventory to take. It’s not like that here.”
She nodded slightly. She’d grown so close to Simon in the last few months, that the idea that he would rather be somewhere else hurt. Honestly, the idea that anyone would rather be somewhere else, somewhere other than the TARDIS, was shocking to her, but Simon had people somewhere else, and it did seem natural.
“You could talk to The Doctor, you know. You could go back and find them. Find him.”
“No. No, I left that behind. It’s my loss, but it’s also my fault.”
“If you ever change your mind, you could just tell us.”
“I know.”
The truth was, Simon wanted to go back. Wanted it more than anything. But there were too many thoughts in his head keeping him from actually making the move. He didn’t know what had happened to them. He didn’t know where they were. He didn’t know if they would even want him back.
He didn’t know if Mal would want him back.
“We’re about to make a stop back home. I called mum, and she’s feeling a bit under the weather. You’re welcome to join us, if you’d like,” she smiled slightly, “I can tell you about our little trip to the fiftieth century that you missed.”
-----
It turned out that Jackie had had just a small touch of food poisoning. She wasn’t very sick, and they only stayed for a night. She saw them off, with sandwiches and tea, the next morning, making them promise they’d stop by soon. Especially Simon.
He wasn’t sure what to make of that.
They stepped into the TARDIS, smiling. Simon was in much better spirits than he had been the last few days. Once he’d come out of his room and stopped dwelling, he found other things to think about, namely hearing Rose recount the trip to the fiftieth century she and The Doctor had gone on while he was hiding out.
“Jackie’s really taken a liking to you, hasn’t she?” The Doctor looked at Simon in amusement, “I think I might be getting jealous.”
“You don’t even like my mum!” Rose laughed.
“I like your mum,” he paused, “She’s quite nice.”
Rose shook her head and laughed.
“You are such a liar.”
The Doctor just grinned. Simon watched them, not saying anything. He could tell, just by looking, how much they cared about each other. He’d been noticing it for a while now. He didn’t think anything had happened between them. Rose had told him nothing had happened between them. Despite how great they were together, they both seemed determined to leave it where it was.
Simon couldn’t decide if he thought that was a good thing or a bad thing. He knew firsthand what happened when you ignored such feelings, but he didn’t think Rose and The Doctor were ignoring their feelings so much as they seemed to have a silent agreement that they knew they had feelings, but they didn’t want to push it.
“I am no such thing!”
The Doctor held a slight grin, and Rose laughed again. Simon smiled at the two of them, his new family. He regretted leaving Serenity, but he liked it here. He liked Rose and The Doctor. If he had to be around from Kaylee, Inara and Mal, he was glad he was with the two of them.
“So, I think Simon should choose where we go next. He’s never had a go!”
The conversation had changed course when Simon wasn’t paying attention. He looked over at a grinning Rose.
“You could be right about that, Rose,” The Doctor looked at Simon, “So, where is it then?”
“Anywhere? Anytime?” Simon paused, “I’m not sure …”
“Oh, there’s got to be something you want to see!” Rose looked at him, hopefully.
He knew what she was thinking. She knew now why he missed Serenity. He wasn’t going back though. Not now. Maybe not ever.
He paused.
“There is one place.”
-----
“Are you sure you want to do this?” The Doctor looked at Simon warily, “I’m usually not in the practice of doing things such as this,” he stole a glance at Rose, “So you’ve got to be sure.”
“I’m sure.”
“We’ll be right there with you, Simon,” Rose took his hand and gripped it gently.
The Doctor opened the door to the TARDIS to reveal a world not unlike the one he left behind. It was Osiris, about ten years previously. They stepped out and walked through the city, until they reached the Tam residence. Outside, there were two young adults. One, a girl, was around thirteen or fourteen, at most. The other was obviously Simon, a few years younger, in his early twenties.
The girl was running around the yard, stopping to do a pirouette turn now and again. She knew what she was doing, because the texture of the grass didn’t stop her from landing each turn with complete perfection. Simon smiled, looking on as she did the routine in perfect time with music, probably playing in her head.
“Come on, River. You’ve got to go soon, and mom wants to sit down for dinner before they come pick you up for the Academy.”
Rose looked over at the older Simon, who was frowning slightly.
“Are you okay?”
He just nodded and continued to watch the scene in front of him play out. He’d picked this day on purpose. This was the last time he’d seen his sister when she was still completely his sister, before the government had taken a girl, a fourteen year old girl, and played with her brain, poked and prodded and cut into it, until she was just a broken shell of herself.
River sighed and walked over to her brother. She whispered something they couldn’t hear from their hidden spot across the street. The Doctor had explained to Simon that he couldn’t be seen, especially by someone that would realize it was him and know there were two walking around. He watched as the younger version of himself and River walked into the estate.
“Are you sure you want to watch this? We could still leave, you know,” Rose was quiet next to him. She understood, really, but she knew this must have been painful for him, having only heard what little she had about River.
“I’m sure.”
About twenty minutes later, twenty minutes where the three of them had stood in silence, Simon, River, and their parents walked out of the house. They were all smiling, happy with the knowledge that River was going off to get a great education from looked to be the best school in the core. No one was sad that day, Simon remembered. He and River promised to write and speak via the cortex as often as possible. She made him swear to tell her if his possible relationship went anywhere, and he made her promise she’d tell him if any boys tried anything with her. It was such a happy day.
Simon swallowed, trying not to show exactly how emotional this was for him, as the small hovercraft pulled up outside the gate. River hugged her parents and kissed Simon on the cheek.
“Bye! And don’t worry, I’ll be back before you know it!” She ducked into the car. A few seconds later, her head popped back out again, “And remember, Simon, I want to know every detail about your date with Thomas,” she grinned before quickly ducking back into the hover craft.
“It’s not a date, brat!” he called out, just before she closed the door.
The hovercraft took off, as the Tams continued waving, all with smiles on their faces. They had no idea what was coming. Simon felt sorry for his former self. He wished he’d known at the time what was coming.
“Simon, you can’t--” The Doctor knew what he was thinking.
“I know I can’t,” he whispered.
“We should go,” Rose was quiet.
“Just a second.”
Simon watched as younger Simon and his parents turned to walk back into the house. He waited until they disappeared inside to turn to The Doctor and Rose.
“Okay, let’s go.”
“Are you alright, Simon?” Rose asked.
“I am, yeah.”
The Doctor watched Simon. He liked the man, but he knew humans, and he knew they very rarely were able to stop themselves at a time like this. Rose herself hadn’t been strong enough to keep from doing it. He was impressed, though, because Simon just kept walking toward the TARDIS.
He never even looked back.