The first and most important thing for you to know is, there is nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you because you are still sad, there’s nothing wrong with you because you still miss him, there’s nothing wrong with you because you still feel pain and loss. It’s all normal. What is not normal is what happened to you - things like that are not supposed to happen. But because it did does not make you abnormal, it’s just that you have gone through different things in your life than most of the people around you. That may be part of the reason why you don’t feel “normal,” because abnormal things have happened in your life***. You aren’t supposed to lose a parent at such a young age. But you are reacting in a very normal (and in many ways remarkable) way for someone who went through such a tragic loss at your age
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