FIC: Sojourn (Poetry Challenge)

[tarnationawaits]

Title: Sojourn
Author: tarnationawaits
Pairing: Remus/Ron
Rating: PG (Warnings for pre-story non-graphic character death, angst)
Notes: Written for stellamaru’s Poetry Challenge.

And this is why I sojourn here
Alone and palely loitering,
Though the sedge is wither'd from the lake,
And no birds sing.

--Keats, "La Belle Dame Sans Merci."

Comments

[jenish]

*sniff* Oh, that was so beautiful. Sad and poignant, and such a good description of grief. The characterisations are excellent throughout this.

My favourite passage is Remus went on this way until dusk fell, beginning again the next morning, and the next. Ron arrived each day, and stood in the same place as Remus stood with him, holding him gently and weaving memories with words. His stories were scattered at first, snapshots and moments that sprang most easily to mind, but slowly his telling evolved into a rich and winding tale, beginning from the moment Remus had first laid eyes upon Harry as an infant, and then again as young man on the Hogwart’s Express, continuing through his short but eventful life. It was no epic account of a hero, because to those who had known and loved him, it was not about the Boy-Who-Lived, not the hope of the wizarding world, but Harry. Just a boy turned man who unconsciously messed up his hair when he was thinking about something, and had an insistent and insatiable sweet tooth, and swore when he was

[tarnationawaits]

Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it and that it had emotional impact. And thanks for the awesome feedback, I really appreciate when people point out specific areas that worked.

[espresso_rabbit]

Very lovely. Pairing is not to my liking, but I suppose I'll live. If you squint at it, there's really no pairing at all. ;)

In full context, that line you asked about is kinda strange, bt it still works.

I really like the idea. :)

[tarnationawaits]

Not my pairing either, but as you said, it's very nearly a non-pairing anyway. I ended up liking the line, weird as it is, so it stays. Thanks dude!

[contrariwise]

Oh, lovely and sad--a very nice exploration of grief and mourning, with just enough hope at the end. I don't know if I've ever seen a Remus/Ron fic before. I like it!

[tarnationawaits]

Thanks! I really had the grieving process in mind when I wrote it, so I'm glad it came across. Thanks so much for issuing this challenge and giving me these lines! It really gave me a chance to try out something I wouldn't normally write (Remus/Ron) and I had fun doing it.

[musigneus]

Lovely story!

I really liked the way you made the Veil almost sentient, greedy and consuming but with a terrible appeal for those left behind. That line about Remus, For sometimes, late at night through eyes half-blurred from sorrow, he too saw everything he wished to find beyond the Veil’s deceptive surface, acknowledges that appeal so beautifully.

The hiccupping powder memory was brilliant. Even though the story had been so sad to that point, the thought of Harry hiccuping on and on to spite Snape made me smile. (So believable that he would, and if the twins aren't working on hiccuping powder they should be...)

And even grieving, Remus was so strong and admirable. Glad there was a bit of hope at the end, for both him and Ron!

[tarnationawaits]

Thank you so much for the praise and the fantastic feedback! You actually picked out my favorite line, and that makes me really happy. :D

I'm glad the memory worked. I was slightly wary at first of making something up rather than looking for something from canon.

Thanks again, I really value your opinion. Don't be afraid to pick at it too, I'm always looking to improve!

[thetreacletart]

This was beautiful. Simply perfect.

Ron's loyalty was heartbreaking. Remus was as he should be.

Lovely.

[tarnationawaits]

Thank you so much! That means a lot to me, coming from someone who writes as beautifully as you do. I'm really glad you enjoyed it.