RENASCENCE
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: Mild PG for inference of a M/M relationship
Spoilers: Major for Exit Wounds
Disclaimer: Not mine; they belong to the BBC.
Summary: In the aftermath of losing people, there’s the job of picking up the pieces.
Jack didn’t react as he heard the blare of the alarm and the sound of the great circular door rolling back. He remained slumped in what had been Tosh’s seat and stared sightlessly at the monitor in front of him. He was so damn tired. Tired of living when everything around him faded and died, every promise withering before it had time to really flourish. His mistakes loomed like great obelisks above him, shutting out the light and leaving him cold and bloodless in a world spinning into entropy.
A warm hand came to rest between his shoulder blades and then travelled up to curve around the back of his neck. Jack leaned back into the touch, desperate and wary at the same time. “It’s done, then?” he asked quietly.
Ianto shifted around to settle on the edge of the desk and nodded soberly. Jack keenly felt the absence when the younger man dropped his hand away but Ianto only dipped it into his pocket to lift out the small medicine bottle, dropping it on to the desk before reaching back to take Jack’s hand in his own. Jack studied the sombre young face, hating the fact that Ianto never seemed to smile any more. Jack had good reason to be a miserable bastard, but Ianto was young. Ianto should be drinking and dancing and laughing his way through life.
“She thanked me,” Ianto said, his mouth twisting around the words like they carried a sour sting. “She said she was sorry but she thanked me as well.” He sighed and stared at something only he could see. “I never really believed she would go through with it.”
Jack echoed his sigh. “You never know how you’ll react until you feel that first blow. This was the first time Gwen really learned what Torchwood can do to you.”
“She lost Rhys that time with Abaddon,” Ianto objected and Jack was torn between smiling and crying at the soft confusion in his voice. So damn young…
“She got him back. Gwen was lucky and I think she let that buffer her against reality. I don’t think she really believed what we told her, not deep down in her bones.”
Ianto managed a small smile. “She always thought I was being a morbid bugger when I talked about the people who had gone before us. She kept telling me to lighten up. There were times when I was tempted to get a little terse with her.”
Jack winced. For all her empathy and big-hearted nature, Gwen had sometimes been a little tactless. He didn’t think she had ever really grasped the scale of Canary Wharf, even though she had tried. You couldn’t really understand the horror of war until you had been through a battle. Ianto had learned very early on that the only certainty in their line of work was an early death - and probably a painful one. Gwen hadn’t really understood the bitter reality of it until she had watched Tosh bleed out on the floor of the Hub.
He had to admit that he had been surprised when Gwen had told him that she had decided to leave Torchwood. He had genuinely believed that once she had got over the initial grief, she would have bounced back with that resilience she had always shown. As the weeks had gone by, however, and Cardiff had gradually pulled itself together after the ‘terrorist activity’, she had continued to grow more and more distracted. In a way Jack blamed himself for not having realised what was happening, but he had been struggling under the grief of not only losing Tosh and Owen but also having to put an end to any dreams of rescuing Gray. He was uncomfortably aware that he had clung to Ianto as time had passed but when he had admitted feeling guilty about it, Ianto had just smiled and reminded him that he liked to be needed. If anyone had asked him, Jack would have said that he’d assumed that Gwen had turned to Rhys in the same way. It had still been a shock, however, when she had come to him, tearful but resolute, asking to be released.
“I know it will make things difficult for you, Jack, and part of me is guilty about that and sorry to be leaving all this behind, but I can’t stop remembering Tosh-” Her voice broke and she lifted tear-filled eyes to his. “All the wonder in the world and all the thrill of the chase can’t hide the fact that this job kills us, inside and out. I thought I was immune. I thought I could change it. Pretty dumb, huh?”
Jack sighed and pulled her close. “Maybe a little optimistic. Look, you can take some time off and maybe-“ He stopped when she shook her head.
“No, Jack, I know what this job is like. It’s a drug and once it gets into your blood the only way to escape is retcon or death. I can’t put Rhys and my family through this. It’s not fair on them. I can’t be that selfish. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
“Ssh, ssh,” Jack said softly, rocking her slightly in his arms. “Nothing to be sorry about, Gwen Cooper-Williams. I’ll miss you. We both will. But part of me will be glad that you’re safe and living a life full of love and hope. That’s what we’re fighting for, when all is said and done.”
“Rhys wants children,” Gwen said quietly as she leaned into him and finally let go of her last doubts. “I always said no because children and Torchwood? Now… now maybe I think I’d like that. Life instead of death, even though I won’t remember that.”
At the end he hadn’t been able to do the actual deed. He and Ianto had gone out with Gwen and Rhys for one last meal. Rhys had been subdued and oddly deferential towards Jack, but Jack had seen the quiet happiness and honest relief in the other man’s eyes whenever he had looked at Gwen and he had understood. Rhys was the kind of man who loved deeply and quietly and Gwen was a very lucky woman. They had discussed the new life they had designed for the two of them to live. It had been too dangerous to let them stay in Cardiff, with all the triggers that might lie in wait. They had settled on Bristol and Ianto had swung into action, doing what he did best, and within another month Harwood’s Hauliers had relocated to Bristol, with a healthy bank balance to start them off, Gwen and Rhys had picked out a very nice but modest three-bedroom house and Gwen had been ‘transferred’ to the Bristol police.
“What about that friend of hers?” Jack asked after a moment. “Davidson, wasn’t it? He got a bit close.”
“Haven’t done him yet,” Ianto admitted. “It was… harder than I had expected to do Gwen and Rhys.” For the merest second the mask slipped and Jack saw the young man rather than the Torchwood professional. “I’ll miss them,” he said quietly.
Jack got to his feet and wrapped his arms around Ianto, feeling a pang of sorrow as the younger man clutched him just that little bit too hard and leaned in just that little bit too eagerly. It isn’t fair, he thought to himself sadly. For someone so young to have to bear so much… He was selfish enough to want to keep Ianto close but he loved him enough to know that he had to make the sacrifice. He opened his mouth-
“If you mention my name and the word retcon in the same sentence I am going to give your immortality the workout of its life,” Ianto said into his shoulder. Jack jerked in surprise and Ianto managed a strangled laugh as he lifted his head to give his lover an admonishing look. “You can be so predictable sometimes,” he said with a small smile.
“But-“
“No,” Ianto said firmly, shaking his head. “I’m not Gwen. I’ve seen the very worst this job can offer, but I also know what it can give me. It’s given me more than I ever dreamed of, shown me things I would never have seen and made me a better man because of it. I won’t give that up, Jack. Not even for you.”
“I had to make the offer,” Jack said quietly. He leaned forward to press a kiss on Ianto’s forehead, “but I’m so damned glad you said no, even though that makes me a selfish bastard.”
“Then we can be selfish bastards together,” Ianto said firmly. He gently disengaged himself and straightened up. “How about some coffee?
“Yeah,” Jack agreed. “That’d be great.”
OOOO
To say that things were awkward after Gwen’s departure was a massive understatement. The workload didn’t ease and while Jack didn’t need all that much sleep, he realised that he had been sleeping more and more since he had entered into a proper relationship with Ianto. Fortunately for both his peace of mind and Ianto’s health, the Weevils seemed to be remarkably subdued and what things came through the Rift were awkward or time-consuming rather than deadly. Jack knew that he couldn’t put off the inevitable and that he would have to give serious thought to recruiting.
He didn’t want to, though. Jack was used to losing people. The last one hundred years could be boiled down to a seemingly endless list of the people he had come to know and either like or love, only to have the inevitable happen and for them to go to that one place he could never follow them to. He had known grief in all its many guises but this time he had lost people he had come to think of as part of his family. He had personally handpicked Tosh and Owen, bringing them into Torchwood even though he knew the price they would inevitably have to pay. He had genuinely believed that he had been doing the right thing: Owen had been well on the path of self-destruction and the life Tosh had been facing had been a travesty, but at the back of his mind had been the guilty knowledge that he was exposing them to a drug that was irreversibly addictive. Now the inevitable had happened and this time the grief he felt was deeply stained with guilt.
“How did it go?” he asked Ianto when the younger man returned from a routine search and recovery. “I didn’t hear from you so I assume it was what we thought?”
Ianto nodded and carefully placed the containment box on the workbench. “Another fragment from that Takkiu timeship. How long do you think before the last fragment comes through?”
Jack shrugged and then rolled his shoulders as a sharp pain told him he had been too tense for too long again. Even though he had recognised the Rift signature and knew what had come through, it had taken a solid act of will to let Ianto go out alone. “Judging from the size of the fragments coming through, the ship pretty much tore itself apart, so we might be getting chunks like these for the next couple of decades. Of course we could get a piece the size of a house next week, so I’d be happy with the way things are going, if I were you.”
Ianto gave him a tired smile as he made his way to the kitchen. “So long as that house-sized chuck doesn’t land in Splott!” he observed wryly.
“I thought they pronounced it Sploe?” Jack asked in mock innocence and felt a flush of warmth pass through him when he heard Ianto’s soft laugh. It was taking some time but they were slowly starting to smile and laugh again, even if the emotion was still always tinged with guilt or sadness. “So how did it go with Davidson?” he asked as he followed Ianto into the kitchen and watched him prepare the coffee. The slender fingers paused for a fraction of a moment before continuing in their ballet. “You didn’t do it,” Jack deduced.
Ianto stopped what he was doing and leaned against the counter. “I was going to. I had the retcon with me and I’d even asked him if he wanted to come for a cuppa after I got the fragment contained.”
“But..?” Jack prompted.
Ianto turned to give him a shamefaced look. “He was so…. thrilled… that I was including him. He said…. he said that Gwen had always pushed him away, told him he wasn’t good enough and that he wouldn’t be able to cope with Torchwood. It was just a routine search and retrieve but he’d watched me do the one week before last and he’d already set things up by the time I got there. He’s not stupid, Jack. He’s quick and funny and cares about people and I don’t-“ His face crumpled for a second before he reached for his usual self-control.
“He’s a friend,” Jack prompted gently.
The younger man nodded and pulled in a shaky breath. “I always ignored him before. He was just Gwen’s stupid ex-partner and someone she dealt with. A necessary evil at times when we needed someone in the police to help us out. Now I’ve got to know him, though, and he isn’t stupid. He’s practical and down to earth and won’t take shit from anyone. I trot out the usual double-speak and he just folds his arms across his chest, gives me that look and tells me to stop with the bullshit and then translates everything I’ve just said back into English.” He managed a strained laugh. “Never sounds as clever when it’s gone through the Andy translation program.”
He paused again and carefully poured them both their coffees. “I really did mean to retcon him this time. He’s a loose end and he could undo everything we’re trying to rebuild. He knows about Gwen and he’s promised not to say anything that will trigger the retcon but I know I shouldn’t be trusting him on that.”
“But you do trust him,” Jack prompted when Ianto seemed to lapse into a reverie. He blew on his coffee and sipped it carefully, watching the emotions pass across Ianto’s face.
“He’s a friend,” Ianto said, almost in wonder. “I’d forgotten what it was like, to have a friend on the outside. Someone who has his own life, his own stories and who isn’t in my life all the time. Someone I have to call up or email if I want to talk to them. I… I like it.”
And that just about encapsulated everything that was wrong with what I’m doing to Ianto, Jack thought. He feels guilty for having a non-Torchwood friend. That stops right here and now. “Don’t retcon him,” he ordered.
Ianto blinked, coming back to the here and now. “But regulations-“
“To hell with the regulations,” Jack said firmly. “I’ll rewrite them, if I have to. Davidson… Andy hasn’t used his knowledge against us since he got to know we existed. Gwen said he was damn useful when the city was going into meltdown and he’s been an asset since we’ve been working alone. There are more pluses to keeping him aware than there are negatives. Having someone on the beat who knows what’s going on could be useful.”
“We’re supposed to be a secret organisation,” Ianto pointed out, but his voice lacked conviction.
“And we’ll still have our secrets but maybe it’s time we chose what we kept secret and what we let other people know. The whole city knows we exist, but they don’t know any details. Maybe we should let some of the people in the emergency services know a bit more. It would have been useful if more people knew about the Weevils when they started to come to the service,” he reflected.
“Andy’s been telling me some of the things the foot patrols see,” Ianto agreed. “Some of the things he’s passed on haven’t registered on our detection programs.” He gave Jack a hopeful look. “You don’t think I have to retcon him?”
Jack gave him a reassuring smile and hated the fact that he had to. “Well, not until he turns up on some daytime show telling all!”
OOO
Jack lay in bed with Ianto that night, gazing up at the ceiling and considering his options. They were both tired. Not just physically tired, either. They were intellectually and emotionally tired, and that was just as dangerous in the long run. Both of them were more than familiar with grief and guilt: Ianto continually lived under the shadow of Canary Wharf and Lisa, now matter how hard Jack tried to persuade him that he had been the victim, while Jack had so much blood on his hands that he could spend the next thousand years trying to atone without lessening the burden he carried.
It had to stop. They couldn’t function like this. Jack had had a taste of what a real life with Ianto could be since he had come back from the Doctor and he wanted that with a passion that terrified him almost as much as it excited him. Ianto deserved to have a life that wasn’t constantly mired in blood and shit and while Jack didn’t have the strength to do the right thing and send him away, he did have enough to make the changes that would give him something a lot better than he had now. Andy Davidson was a good start. Jack made a mental note to get to know the young policeman a bit better.
Starting tomorrow, Jack would start thinking seriously about recruiting new personnel. Owen and Tosh would never be forgotten, and Jack would always watch over Gwen from a distance, but they had to look to the future if they were going to protect their city and their world. Jack shifted slightly in bed to watch Ianto sleeping, feeling his own eyelids growing heavy. They would learn from the mistakes of the past and build something better for the future. Something that would give them a place in the world they were protecting.
OOOO
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: Mild PG for inference of a M/M relationship
Spoilers: Major for Exit Wounds
Disclaimer: Not mine; they belong to the BBC.
Summary: In the aftermath of losing people, there’s the job of picking up the pieces.
Jack didn’t react as he heard the blare of the alarm and the sound of the great circular door rolling back. He remained slumped in what had been Tosh’s seat and stared sightlessly at the monitor in front of him. He was so damn tired. Tired of living when everything around him faded and died, every promise withering before it had time to really flourish. His mistakes loomed like great obelisks above him, shutting out the light and leaving him cold and bloodless in a world spinning into entropy.
A warm hand came to rest between his shoulder blades and then travelled up to curve around the back of his neck. Jack leaned back into the touch, desperate and wary at the same time. “It’s done, then?” he asked quietly.
Ianto shifted around to settle on the edge of the desk and nodded soberly. Jack keenly felt the absence when the younger man dropped his hand away but Ianto only dipped it into his pocket to lift out the small medicine bottle, dropping it on to the desk before reaching back to take Jack’s hand in his own. Jack studied the sombre young face, hating the fact that Ianto never seemed to smile any more. Jack had good reason to be a miserable bastard, but Ianto was young. Ianto should be drinking and dancing and laughing his way through life.
“She thanked me,” Ianto said, his mouth twisting around the words like they carried a sour sting. “She said she was sorry but she thanked me as well.” He sighed and stared at something only he could see. “I never really believed she would go through with it.”
Jack echoed his sigh. “You never know how you’ll react until you feel that first blow. This was the first time Gwen really learned what Torchwood can do to you.”
“She lost Rhys that time with Abaddon,” Ianto objected and Jack was torn between smiling and crying at the soft confusion in his voice. So damn young…
“She got him back. Gwen was lucky and I think she let that buffer her against reality. I don’t think she really believed what we told her, not deep down in her bones.”
Ianto managed a small smile. “She always thought I was being a morbid bugger when I talked about the people who had gone before us. She kept telling me to lighten up. There were times when I was tempted to get a little terse with her.”
Jack winced. For all her empathy and big-hearted nature, Gwen had sometimes been a little tactless. He didn’t think she had ever really grasped the scale of Canary Wharf, even though she had tried. You couldn’t really understand the horror of war until you had been through a battle. Ianto had learned very early on that the only certainty in their line of work was an early death - and probably a painful one. Gwen hadn’t really understood the bitter reality of it until she had watched Tosh bleed out on the floor of the Hub.
He had to admit that he had been surprised when Gwen had told him that she had decided to leave Torchwood. He had genuinely believed that once she had got over the initial grief, she would have bounced back with that resilience she had always shown. As the weeks had gone by, however, and Cardiff had gradually pulled itself together after the ‘terrorist activity’, she had continued to grow more and more distracted. In a way Jack blamed himself for not having realised what was happening, but he had been struggling under the grief of not only losing Tosh and Owen but also having to put an end to any dreams of rescuing Gray. He was uncomfortably aware that he had clung to Ianto as time had passed but when he had admitted feeling guilty about it, Ianto had just smiled and reminded him that he liked to be needed. If anyone had asked him, Jack would have said that he’d assumed that Gwen had turned to Rhys in the same way. It had still been a shock, however, when she had come to him, tearful but resolute, asking to be released.
“I know it will make things difficult for you, Jack, and part of me is guilty about that and sorry to be leaving all this behind, but I can’t stop remembering Tosh-” Her voice broke and she lifted tear-filled eyes to his. “All the wonder in the world and all the thrill of the chase can’t hide the fact that this job kills us, inside and out. I thought I was immune. I thought I could change it. Pretty dumb, huh?”
Jack sighed and pulled her close. “Maybe a little optimistic. Look, you can take some time off and maybe-“ He stopped when she shook her head.
“No, Jack, I know what this job is like. It’s a drug and once it gets into your blood the only way to escape is retcon or death. I can’t put Rhys and my family through this. It’s not fair on them. I can’t be that selfish. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
“Ssh, ssh,” Jack said softly, rocking her slightly in his arms. “Nothing to be sorry about, Gwen Cooper-Williams. I’ll miss you. We both will. But part of me will be glad that you’re safe and living a life full of love and hope. That’s what we’re fighting for, when all is said and done.”
“Rhys wants children,” Gwen said quietly as she leaned into him and finally let go of her last doubts. “I always said no because children and Torchwood? Now… now maybe I think I’d like that. Life instead of death, even though I won’t remember that.”
At the end he hadn’t been able to do the actual deed. He and Ianto had gone out with Gwen and Rhys for one last meal. Rhys had been subdued and oddly deferential towards Jack, but Jack had seen the quiet happiness and honest relief in the other man’s eyes whenever he had looked at Gwen and he had understood. Rhys was the kind of man who loved deeply and quietly and Gwen was a very lucky woman. They had discussed the new life they had designed for the two of them to live. It had been too dangerous to let them stay in Cardiff, with all the triggers that might lie in wait. They had settled on Bristol and Ianto had swung into action, doing what he did best, and within another month Harwood’s Hauliers had relocated to Bristol, with a healthy bank balance to start them off, Gwen and Rhys had picked out a very nice but modest three-bedroom house and Gwen had been ‘transferred’ to the Bristol police.
“What about that friend of hers?” Jack asked after a moment. “Davidson, wasn’t it? He got a bit close.”
“Haven’t done him yet,” Ianto admitted. “It was… harder than I had expected to do Gwen and Rhys.” For the merest second the mask slipped and Jack saw the young man rather than the Torchwood professional. “I’ll miss them,” he said quietly.
Jack got to his feet and wrapped his arms around Ianto, feeling a pang of sorrow as the younger man clutched him just that little bit too hard and leaned in just that little bit too eagerly. It isn’t fair, he thought to himself sadly. For someone so young to have to bear so much… He was selfish enough to want to keep Ianto close but he loved him enough to know that he had to make the sacrifice. He opened his mouth-
“If you mention my name and the word retcon in the same sentence I am going to give your immortality the workout of its life,” Ianto said into his shoulder. Jack jerked in surprise and Ianto managed a strangled laugh as he lifted his head to give his lover an admonishing look. “You can be so predictable sometimes,” he said with a small smile.
“But-“
“No,” Ianto said firmly, shaking his head. “I’m not Gwen. I’ve seen the very worst this job can offer, but I also know what it can give me. It’s given me more than I ever dreamed of, shown me things I would never have seen and made me a better man because of it. I won’t give that up, Jack. Not even for you.”
“I had to make the offer,” Jack said quietly. He leaned forward to press a kiss on Ianto’s forehead, “but I’m so damned glad you said no, even though that makes me a selfish bastard.”
“Then we can be selfish bastards together,” Ianto said firmly. He gently disengaged himself and straightened up. “How about some coffee?
“Yeah,” Jack agreed. “That’d be great.”
OOOO
To say that things were awkward after Gwen’s departure was a massive understatement. The workload didn’t ease and while Jack didn’t need all that much sleep, he realised that he had been sleeping more and more since he had entered into a proper relationship with Ianto. Fortunately for both his peace of mind and Ianto’s health, the Weevils seemed to be remarkably subdued and what things came through the Rift were awkward or time-consuming rather than deadly. Jack knew that he couldn’t put off the inevitable and that he would have to give serious thought to recruiting.
He didn’t want to, though. Jack was used to losing people. The last one hundred years could be boiled down to a seemingly endless list of the people he had come to know and either like or love, only to have the inevitable happen and for them to go to that one place he could never follow them to. He had known grief in all its many guises but this time he had lost people he had come to think of as part of his family. He had personally handpicked Tosh and Owen, bringing them into Torchwood even though he knew the price they would inevitably have to pay. He had genuinely believed that he had been doing the right thing: Owen had been well on the path of self-destruction and the life Tosh had been facing had been a travesty, but at the back of his mind had been the guilty knowledge that he was exposing them to a drug that was irreversibly addictive. Now the inevitable had happened and this time the grief he felt was deeply stained with guilt.
“How did it go?” he asked Ianto when the younger man returned from a routine search and recovery. “I didn’t hear from you so I assume it was what we thought?”
Ianto nodded and carefully placed the containment box on the workbench. “Another fragment from that Takkiu timeship. How long do you think before the last fragment comes through?”
Jack shrugged and then rolled his shoulders as a sharp pain told him he had been too tense for too long again. Even though he had recognised the Rift signature and knew what had come through, it had taken a solid act of will to let Ianto go out alone. “Judging from the size of the fragments coming through, the ship pretty much tore itself apart, so we might be getting chunks like these for the next couple of decades. Of course we could get a piece the size of a house next week, so I’d be happy with the way things are going, if I were you.”
Ianto gave him a tired smile as he made his way to the kitchen. “So long as that house-sized chuck doesn’t land in Splott!” he observed wryly.
“I thought they pronounced it Sploe?” Jack asked in mock innocence and felt a flush of warmth pass through him when he heard Ianto’s soft laugh. It was taking some time but they were slowly starting to smile and laugh again, even if the emotion was still always tinged with guilt or sadness. “So how did it go with Davidson?” he asked as he followed Ianto into the kitchen and watched him prepare the coffee. The slender fingers paused for a fraction of a moment before continuing in their ballet. “You didn’t do it,” Jack deduced.
Ianto stopped what he was doing and leaned against the counter. “I was going to. I had the retcon with me and I’d even asked him if he wanted to come for a cuppa after I got the fragment contained.”
“But..?” Jack prompted.
Ianto turned to give him a shamefaced look. “He was so…. thrilled… that I was including him. He said…. he said that Gwen had always pushed him away, told him he wasn’t good enough and that he wouldn’t be able to cope with Torchwood. It was just a routine search and retrieve but he’d watched me do the one week before last and he’d already set things up by the time I got there. He’s not stupid, Jack. He’s quick and funny and cares about people and I don’t-“ His face crumpled for a second before he reached for his usual self-control.
“He’s a friend,” Jack prompted gently.
The younger man nodded and pulled in a shaky breath. “I always ignored him before. He was just Gwen’s stupid ex-partner and someone she dealt with. A necessary evil at times when we needed someone in the police to help us out. Now I’ve got to know him, though, and he isn’t stupid. He’s practical and down to earth and won’t take shit from anyone. I trot out the usual double-speak and he just folds his arms across his chest, gives me that look and tells me to stop with the bullshit and then translates everything I’ve just said back into English.” He managed a strained laugh. “Never sounds as clever when it’s gone through the Andy translation program.”
He paused again and carefully poured them both their coffees. “I really did mean to retcon him this time. He’s a loose end and he could undo everything we’re trying to rebuild. He knows about Gwen and he’s promised not to say anything that will trigger the retcon but I know I shouldn’t be trusting him on that.”
“But you do trust him,” Jack prompted when Ianto seemed to lapse into a reverie. He blew on his coffee and sipped it carefully, watching the emotions pass across Ianto’s face.
“He’s a friend,” Ianto said, almost in wonder. “I’d forgotten what it was like, to have a friend on the outside. Someone who has his own life, his own stories and who isn’t in my life all the time. Someone I have to call up or email if I want to talk to them. I… I like it.”
And that just about encapsulated everything that was wrong with what I’m doing to Ianto, Jack thought. He feels guilty for having a non-Torchwood friend. That stops right here and now. “Don’t retcon him,” he ordered.
Ianto blinked, coming back to the here and now. “But regulations-“
“To hell with the regulations,” Jack said firmly. “I’ll rewrite them, if I have to. Davidson… Andy hasn’t used his knowledge against us since he got to know we existed. Gwen said he was damn useful when the city was going into meltdown and he’s been an asset since we’ve been working alone. There are more pluses to keeping him aware than there are negatives. Having someone on the beat who knows what’s going on could be useful.”
“We’re supposed to be a secret organisation,” Ianto pointed out, but his voice lacked conviction.
“And we’ll still have our secrets but maybe it’s time we chose what we kept secret and what we let other people know. The whole city knows we exist, but they don’t know any details. Maybe we should let some of the people in the emergency services know a bit more. It would have been useful if more people knew about the Weevils when they started to come to the service,” he reflected.
“Andy’s been telling me some of the things the foot patrols see,” Ianto agreed. “Some of the things he’s passed on haven’t registered on our detection programs.” He gave Jack a hopeful look. “You don’t think I have to retcon him?”
Jack gave him a reassuring smile and hated the fact that he had to. “Well, not until he turns up on some daytime show telling all!”
OOO
Jack lay in bed with Ianto that night, gazing up at the ceiling and considering his options. They were both tired. Not just physically tired, either. They were intellectually and emotionally tired, and that was just as dangerous in the long run. Both of them were more than familiar with grief and guilt: Ianto continually lived under the shadow of Canary Wharf and Lisa, now matter how hard Jack tried to persuade him that he had been the victim, while Jack had so much blood on his hands that he could spend the next thousand years trying to atone without lessening the burden he carried.
It had to stop. They couldn’t function like this. Jack had had a taste of what a real life with Ianto could be since he had come back from the Doctor and he wanted that with a passion that terrified him almost as much as it excited him. Ianto deserved to have a life that wasn’t constantly mired in blood and shit and while Jack didn’t have the strength to do the right thing and send him away, he did have enough to make the changes that would give him something a lot better than he had now. Andy Davidson was a good start. Jack made a mental note to get to know the young policeman a bit better.
Starting tomorrow, Jack would start thinking seriously about recruiting new personnel. Owen and Tosh would never be forgotten, and Jack would always watch over Gwen from a distance, but they had to look to the future if they were going to protect their city and their world. Jack shifted slightly in bed to watch Ianto sleeping, feeling his own eyelids growing heavy. They would learn from the mistakes of the past and build something better for the future. Something that would give them a place in the world they were protecting.
OOOO