The child vessel

[nairiporter]

I recently learned about the deeply moving story of the mother of a 2-grade pupil at the school where I am deputy principal, who had recently become a surrogate mother. Maybe because I have an adopted child myself, a 5 year old boy from Haiti, it struck a chord. This woman is a poor white Afrikaner from the suburbs of the big city, someone who has

Comments

[di_glossia]

Coming from the US and a city with a particularly well-known reproductive medicine establishment, this all seems very obvious to me: it's a non-issue. A contract is created between the intended parents and the surrogate mother. Most surrogate mothers here are required to have already given birth to at least one or two children, be in a financially-stable living environment, be within a certain age range, as well as meeting certain medical requirements (no STDs, no pregnancy complications, non-smoker, etc.), and enjoy being pregnant. These requirements reduce the likelihood of a woman wanting to keep the surrogate child and of a woman using surrogacy as a desperate, financial means

[a_new_machine]

Most surrogate mothers here

And there, I think, is the key difference. It's a pretty big divide in a lot of walks of life between here and there.

[di_glossia]

This is true, and it is why I would advocate changing South African requirements for surrogate mothers at least to the three basic non-medical requirements of a US surrogate mother (previous healthy birth, financial stability, and appropriate age range), as these requirements negate many of the issues presented in this post.

The example given violates one of the basic stipulations of a US surrogate mother: to be financially-stable. A woman who uses surrogacy as a way to make ends meet is not an ideal surrogate mother. There has to be some motive other than monetary reward, even if it's just deriving enjoyment from pregnancy, to ensure that the woman is not being degraded or using her body for monetary means.

[nairiporter]

Actually the South African requirements very much correspond to what you are proposing, and in any case are much more liberal than most of the world. Which is exactly why people from other countries, including Canada, Australia, the US and most of the EU, flock into this country and apply for surrogacy.

We could say that it has been a non-issue in South Africa. It is an issue most anywhere else. I said as much in my story. The part that I agree with, and which I see as the main source of problem here, is indeed,
There has to be some motive other than monetary reward

Which wasn't the case.

[htpcl]

Predictably, our Church, or at least the most influential bishop in it, has declared surrogacy an abomination.

There aren't many people who share that view here, even among his flock.

Let them bark. You can't stop the progress of society, no matter how hard you try.

[abomvubuso]

I'm in no position to judge, but I'd've preferred an adoption. Which I did.

[dwer]

my wife and I looked at adoption. Amazingly, it was more expensive and more difficult to adopt than to go through IVF.

[abomvubuso]

It's a complicated procedure, yes. We went through all the stages, initially fostering three boys and eventually ending up adoping them after almost 2 years. Both myself and my wife being foreign citizens wasn't of much help, either.

Now when I look back, I can't help but be amazed: sheesh, did we go through all this!? But it was tottally worth it.

[nairiporter]

Thank you for sharing all this experience! And I can imagine the hectic household of your uncle. It must be awesome, although a bit demanding at times. :-)

I look at two of my friends who both you and I know, they have two natural children, a daughter and son, and three adopted sons, and every time I find myself hoping one day to have such a household myself.

[htpcl]

Recommendation seconded and granted.

And btw,
> Sitting on a high horse is a very clear invitation to break your neck.

^ DQ.

[meus_ovatio]

I think that any "proper" surrogate contract should include a 14-day take-back clause wherein the surrogate mother gets to veto the whole thing and take the child for herself. Or something like that. Puts people on a more even keel perhaps. Gives people a strike-back clause if needed. If you can't figure out the best way to go, well at least give people some leverage either way.

[meus_ovatio]

I say this mostly out of concern for mental contingencies, and if the surrogate mother suffers depression or loss or trauma (without knowing it would be like that, who can know?), an open recourse should be to keep the Actual Mother with the child. The other parents can just go find someone else and wouldn't suffer any terrible injustice.