Comments | takeyouapart: XII.

takeyouapart

XII.

Jan 28, 2010 20:17

I'm glad it's been quiet these past two weeks.

Relatively quiet.

...short on Barge-wide disasters, I suppose is what I'm really saying. I've liked having some time to think.

[Private to Arthur]

There's something I

You should know that

If Gaius was here he'd tell me not to do this but

Arthur, can we talk?

probably a bad idea

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Spam! takeyouapart January 28 2010, 22:35:57 UTC

[All in all it was probably a bad thing that Merlin had had almost a week of uninterrupted thinking time since Arthur had first raised the issue of his manservant's alleged significance. On one hand he knew it was idiotic, bordering on suicidal, to tell Arthur the truth - but on the other, he knew that the Barge changed things. He'd been relieved, honestly, to learn that his sorcery was public knowledge - and it hadn't even occurred to him that Arthur would ever arrive on the Barge. Now he didn't want to be in a position where he'd be forced to reveal himself and would then have to face Arthur knowing that'd he'd lied to him for - who knew, weeks, maybe months - longer than was necessary ( ... )

Spam! takeyouapart January 29 2010, 01:26:29 UTC

Merlin met Arthur's gaze for a moment, then looked away, glancing across the forest floor. His hand trembled; he reached out, away from them, towards a short fallen branch lying nearby. His eyes glowed gold and the branch picked itself off the ground, hovering at eye level.

"Forbearnan."

He stared bleakly at the branch as it burst into flame.

Spam! pendragon_prat January 29 2010, 01:52:02 UTC

Arthur's eyes widened when the branch lit up and his hand instinctively reached for his sword, grabbing empty air instead. He was speechless. He turned his gaze back to Merlin, a mixture of shock, uncertainty, wariness, and the slightest hint of fear written all over.

Spam! takeyouapart January 29 2010, 02:07:56 UTC

Merlin let the thing drop and it burnt out almost instantly. So this was it. His secret was out. And the way Arthur's very first reaction was to go for his sword - and what would he have done if it had been there - well, it didn't indicate good things in his future.

"Ever since I met you I've been using sorcery behind your back," he said, wretchedly, and the rest came out in a rush.

"The sorceress who took Lady Helen's form, who tried to kill you - I saved you with magic. I gave you the fire that consumed the Afanc. I killed Nimueh so that your life would be spared when you were bitten by the Questing Beast. I sealed Cornelius Sigan's soul, so that he would not destroy Camelot. I banished the Great Dragon. That storm in Ealdor, that one time - you knew it was the work of a sorcerer. Will told you that it was his doing but he only said that to protect - it was me." His voice cracked. "It's always been me. I've always done this for Camelot. For you."

Spam! pendragon_prat January 29 2010, 02:25:15 UTC

Well, that revelation was a shocker. He really didn't want to believe what he was hearing. "I knew there was something weird about you," he said, pointing a finger at Merlin.

Arthur began to pace as he thought things through and every now and then he would pause to fix his eyes on Merlin, before pacing again. This lasted a few good minutes as all those weird instances since Merlin became his manservant popped to the surface of his memory. That storm in Ealdor was a key one, because he had known deep down, but he'd been fooled so many times. Everything that happened to Camelot that he thought he'd been the one to fix...

He stopped his pacing and looked over to Merlin. "So, all the times my father thought I had saved Camelot is all because of you?" That certainly made him feel inadequate as a knight. What good was he if none of his heroic deeds had been his own?

Spam! takeyouapart January 29 2010, 02:43:53 UTC

"No. It's not like that," Merlin said weakly. "The things you've done in Camelot's defence are no less great because of what I did. I confess, there were times that I lent you my power because you were fighting against sorcery, but - your deeds and your bravery have always been your own."

Spam! pendragon_prat January 29 2010, 02:56:38 UTC

"Why didn't you tell me all this before?"

Spam! takeyouapart January 29 2010, 03:02:10 UTC

"When was I supposed to tell you?" His voice was a little shrill. "Back in Camelot, where you could practically be executed for looking at a sorcerer? I couldn't - I - I wanted to trust you, but I just...I couldn't take that risk. I'm sorry."

Spam! pendragon_prat January 29 2010, 03:09:22 UTC

"You should've told me, Merlin!" His gaze was intense and not a little bit angry at being lied to for so long.

Spam! takeyouapart January 29 2010, 03:24:13 UTC

"I know! The one time I tried, you assumed I was making it up because I was in love with Gwen!"

He half-turned away.

"Arthur, the first thing I saw when I came to Camelot was a sorcerer being executed. Not because he had hurt anybody or threatened the kingdom - just because he had a gift and he'd dared to use it. It was difficult for that not to stick with me. Your father is - you know - and I had no idea how you would react. I couldn't take the risk." The panicked hurt was leaking into his voice, unchecked. "And here and now - what would you have done to me if you did have your sword? Why would you ever think even for a second that I would want to hurt you?"

Spam! pendragon_prat January 29 2010, 03:38:23 UTC

Arthur said nothing for a while. All he could do was take in what was said to him as he toed the ground with his boot. "It was instinct," he said, more calmly and a little ashamed, "I wouldn't have hurt you."

Then he looked at Merlin again. "You would've done the same thing if you'd been raised as I have."

Spam! takeyouapart January 29 2010, 14:16:56 UTC

"I know," Merlin said quietly - and despite himself he thought of Morgana, waking up to the fact that she had a power she'd been brought up to hate and fear. He was calming, slowly. "I don't -- I don't blame you for that."

Spam! pendragon_prat January 29 2010, 18:50:51 UTC

He stared at Merlin. He was conflicted, that much anyone could tell. All this was almost too much to grasp. It was really hard for Arthur to view the person he'd spent the most time with as the same man. True, having magic didn't automatically make a person evil, but there was so much evidence in Arthur's experience that said it did.

Merlin, however, wasn't like that, Arthur knew it. Spend that much time with someone and you learn a thing or two about them. Obviously not this big secret, but still. What was he supposed to do now?

"How many other people know about this?" It was something he'd begun to wonder as he stood there and considered everything.

Spam! takeyouapart January 29 2010, 19:29:51 UTC

"In Camelot? Gaius knows. I revealed myself to him, without meaning to, the first time we met. And Lancelot...found out." He couldn't bring himself to mention Mordred.

Spam! pendragon_prat January 29 2010, 19:42:16 UTC

"No, I meant here. How many people know about this here?" Gaius knowing wasn't much of a shock to him, but Lancelot..he didn't even want to think about him.

Spam! takeyouapart January 29 2010, 19:54:02 UTC

"Oh." He was silent for a long moment. "Oh. Listen, it's...I didn't mean for this to happen, but when I came here and introduced myself, almost everyone knew already. Because of these books, things that they'd read or seen...people just assumed I was a sorcerer before I could even say anything about it."

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