Comments | takeyouapart: XII.

takeyouapart

XII.

Jan 28, 2010 20:17

I'm glad it's been quiet these past two weeks.

Relatively quiet.

...short on Barge-wide disasters, I suppose is what I'm really saying. I've liked having some time to think.

[Private to Arthur]

There's something I

You should know that

If Gaius was here he'd tell me not to do this but

Arthur, can we talk?

probably a bad idea

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Spam! takeyouapart January 28 2010, 22:35:57 UTC

[All in all it was probably a bad thing that Merlin had had almost a week of uninterrupted thinking time since Arthur had first raised the issue of his manservant's alleged significance. On one hand he knew it was idiotic, bordering on suicidal, to tell Arthur the truth - but on the other, he knew that the Barge changed things. He'd been relieved, honestly, to learn that his sorcery was public knowledge - and it hadn't even occurred to him that Arthur would ever arrive on the Barge. Now he didn't want to be in a position where he'd be forced to reveal himself and would then have to face Arthur knowing that'd he'd lied to him for - who knew, weeks, maybe months - longer than was necessary.

Merlin could hear Gaius in the back of his head, tutting disapprovingly - but Gaius wasn't there, and neither were Uther or Morgana or anybody else. Which was kind of the point.

No amount of rationalising was going to make him feel any less sick with worry, though. He stood at the door of the CES, jacket pulled tight around his body as he waited for the prince.]

Spam! pendragon_prat January 28 2010, 23:05:01 UTC

[Despite the fact that Arthur was a little annoyed that he wouldn't be doing his normal training routine in the gym like he planned, he wondered what Merlin could possibly have to tell him that just couldn't wait. He'd seemed so serious, which for them was rare thing compared to the banter and general camaraderie.

So, Arthur made his way to the CES to find out what Merlin wanted. He noticed his ex-manservant looked rather nervous and his eyebrow raised with curiosity.]

Well, Merlin, what's this all about?

Spam! takeyouapart January 28 2010, 23:12:56 UTC

Merlin held open the door for Arthur without thinking about it. A breeze of wind breathed through the doorway, tousling his hair.

"It's...complicated." He'd rehearsed this conversation, but in person it felt clumsy and wrong. He fumbled for a place to start. "Have you, erm, been to the library yet? Read any of those books about you?"

Spam! pendragon_prat January 28 2010, 23:27:48 UTC

Arthur stepped in, not paying too much attention to the scenery. One forest was as good as the next. "Not yet, no. What does that have to do with anything?"

Spam! takeyouapart January 28 2010, 23:33:58 UTC

It would have been a small mercy if he'd had alleged magic as a jumping-off point, but obviously the gods were not smiling on him. Merlin sighed.

"Nothing, really. It's just..." It was just that he was a sorcerer. He could get it out in three words, plus however many words it would take to make Arthur believe him, but it felt impossible.

"Arthur, I - I have a have a confession to make. It's something that...maybe I should have told you a long time ago, but I didn't, and...I can't change that. All I can do is tell you now and hope that...that you can still trust me."

Spam! pendragon_prat January 28 2010, 23:57:53 UTC

He'd been standing with his hands on his hips while Merlin spoke, waiting, not really perceiving the gravity of the situation. "Merlin, whatever it is you've done it can't be that bad, so just out with it," he said, making a hurry up gesture with his hand.

Spam! takeyouapart January 29 2010, 00:01:53 UTC

His impatience went ignored. "What would you do if it was that bad?"

Spam! pendragon_prat January 29 2010, 00:05:34 UTC

"I don't know. It depends on what 'it' is."

Spam! takeyouapart January 29 2010, 00:11:58 UTC

"It's...I'm..."

Merlin looked away. He couldn't look into Arthur's eyes and say it. He reminded himself that if the prince just ran him through on the spot, he'd come back. Maybe. Apparently.

"...I'm...."

He laughed a little, breathless with sheer stress.

"I'm sorry. Forget I asked you here. This was a terrible idea."

Spam! - aww, Merlin needs a hug :C pendragon_prat January 29 2010, 00:17:21 UTC

Arthur pinched the bridge if his nose. "Merlin. Just say what it is you want to say. Please. The sooner you get it done, the sooner you can stop acting so suspicious."

Spam! - Merlin needs to think things through better :c takeyouapart January 29 2010, 00:22:37 UTC

"Do you think that me acting suspicious now is the problem? Once I've told you what I need to tell you, everything I do is going to be suspicious to you. Everything I've done in the past is - you're going to look back on every second I spent as your manservant and every thing I've done for you and - suspicious isn't even the word. It's not enough." He pushed his hands roughly through his hair, his brows furrowed.

"I want you to know the truth, but I don't want you to hate me, and I don't think I can have both."

Spam! - that too pendragon_prat January 29 2010, 00:41:41 UTC

"Well, it's nice to see you have so little faith in me." He narrowed his eyes and his lips tightened. This was very frustrating, to say the least. After a minute of not saying a word, and a calming breath, he finally said, "I can't know how I'm going to react, before I even know what to react to."

Spam! takeyouapart January 29 2010, 00:43:49 UTC

Brilliant. Piss him off before even giving him a real reason to be pissed off.

The words just sort of fell out.

"I'm a sorcerer."

Spam! pendragon_prat January 29 2010, 00:58:12 UTC

Of all the things Merlin could have told him, Arthur certainly wasn't expecting that. For a moment he was stunned into silence and then he grinned in disbelief. "You, a sorcerer?" His grin transformed into a full out laugh seconds later.

Spam! takeyouapart January 29 2010, 01:01:43 UTC

To be completely, brutally honest with himself, Merlin had seen that coming. And it didn't make it any easier, because now he had to make the active decision not to just laugh along with him and let Arthur berate him for wasting his time.

"Yes. Me. A sorcerer."

Spam! pendragon_prat January 29 2010, 01:15:43 UTC

"Come on, Merlin," he said, as if Merlin was telling a bad joke. He continued to not believe what he was told. "You can't be serious." But he saw the unsmiling look on his friend's face and he stopped thinking it was a joke. His expression changed to an equally grim look and he repeated, "You can't be serious."

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