A short time ago, I received an email from a writer for Men's Health magazine who'd found me online and wanted to interview me about BDSM. Specifically, the interview was about how someone who's read the book 50 Shades of Grey and found the ideas in it interesting might take the next steo and start exploring BDSM in a relationship
(
Read more... )
Comments 16
(The comment has been removed)
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
One tiny tip on talking about what you want - as the interviewer keeps trying to focus on, it's hard to *start.* Submissives often don't like to ask for things and a submissive woman who's never done anything kinky in her life might feel like she'd rather die by blushing than actually say it. :) A good way to break that ice is to ask the other person to send you pictures or stories from the Internet (or books, or whatever) that have things in them that excite them.
THEN, you can say, "Oh, you like that? You think it would be hot if I (whatever it is you think it is is arousing them in the image/story?)" That way they don't have to start, but it feels like *you* are asking, not them. :)
The second step is NOT optional. I don't care how straightforward the picture/story is, you need to confirm that *your* understanding of what is hot about it for them is the same as theirs. This isn't an *alternative* to talking, it's a way to make talking easier.
Reply
Reply
Fortunately, this particular reporter interviewed tacit, whose answers did exactly that - pointed out how the question itself was the wrong way to look at things.
Yes, women are people too, not all doms are men and not all subs are women, you don't "get" people to do stuff, and the most likely answer to any "how do we..." question is "talk to your partner".
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment