Vent Post: Birth

[tabloidscully]

I just got around to posting over at birthtrauma. I joined that community probably sometime in October, but finally felt the urge to post because I just finished watching "Nine Months." I've never seen the flick before, but I thought it was pretty good, especially considering it's a Huge Grant movie

Comments

[alwaysamommy]

Very well stated. That woman had no right to tell you that what you did was reckless. A lot of people would call her reckless for not doing what you did.

As for P, there are a lot better reasons to judge her anyway. ;)

[tabloidscully]

Thank you. I'd been ruminating on similar thoughts for several weeks, but it really came to fruition while judging "Nine Months" last night. I'm sort of depressed I had this epiphany while watching a Hugh Grant flick, but I guess just as long as I reached the conclusion at all, huh?

Agreed about P. Maybe one day... ;-)

[circe811]

Nice post. I think it's ridiculous for people to judge other people;'s birth experiences. There's nothing to be gained from it and every person and their experience, from their labor progress to their pain threshold varies greatly.

[tabloidscully]

Thanks. I agree. I admit, I used to be very judgmental of women who would just seemingly opt for a C-section because they were too posh to push or whatever, but looking back on it, who was I to say that they hadn't reached their pain threshold? I know that about 12 hours into my labor, I actually started having hallucinations from the pain, and with the rare exception of asking for water and one scream right after breaking my water, I never made a sound. I was afraid making noise would increase the pain. Weird, huh

[cravingstarbux]

When I was at my baby shower (held about 1 month before my due date), I was talking with some of the ladies there (mostly relatives) about how I really didn't want a c-section. That my plan was to have as natural a birth as possible.

A couple people were in complete agreement, while a couple people said that if I were to have a c-section, it would be easier for all of us (not to mention my vagina would be ripped to shreds popping out a watermelon). But one statement really caught my attention: 'unless you tell someone, no one is going to know how you gave birth... it's not like the kids introduce themselves with "Hi! I'm [insert name] and I was born by [...]." The only person you need to justify your actions to is yourself.'

In the end, I had to have a c-section 5 days later in order to save Aeden's life. If I'd waited for a natural birth, Aeden quite probably would've been stillborn.

[tabloidscully]

And that's what I'm getting at. The assumption is, if you have had a C-section, you were either lazy or lied to by your doctor. Obviously, it goes without saying that a lot of women these days are victimized by the system and made to have C-sections that they don't necessarily need--but why aren't they given the benefit of the doubt from jump? Why is the knee-jerk reaction to assume they were either lied to, or worse, lazy

[aliki]

Have you read Mommy Wars? It's a good read that examines the sociological/psychological arguments and wars that we use against one another. Formula vs. breastfed, SAHM vs. working, and so forth

[tabloidscully]

No, I haven't. I should add that to my desired book list.

[devilgrrl]

Thank you for the link. I'm going to check out that community.

I am constantly amazed about how many people judge what happened during such an individual experience or who make assumptions about what "would have" happened if I'd waited longer/hadn't gone to the hospital/had a home birth, etc.

And then there are the people who will tell you things weren't traumatic enough: oh, that was nothing! I had X go wrong.

Life shouldn't be such a competition. Thank you for writing this.

[tabloidscully]

It's been really beneficial for me to just lurk. People don't post a lot, but I've been getting a lot out of reading the posts that came before mine. It's enough to just reassure me it's okay to feel what I feel in regards to Sephie's birth, even if I'm not totally ready to dive into my feelings connected to that particular event.

The judgment that can be generated, particularly among women, is nothing short of astounding, huh? Especially when it comes to anything related to parenting, birth, etc.

I agree that it shouldn't be such a competition. That's a major reason I stopped reading pregnant. If women weren't competing to be the first in their families or circle of friends to have babies, they were competing over how to have the best birth, the most original name--whatever they could. The name debate definitely brought out the worst in me, this idea that we "own" names and so forth. Really?

Neither am I a fan of the minimizing, and it's across the board as much as the competition.