I've paid, and there isn't shit to reap. I'm not good enough, because I always lose. At the end of the day, I'm always the goddamn loser. And I deserve it, because I just don't know how to deal with people... I guess. I don't know. It's just all so... stupid. I shouldn't have to put up with this shit.
Sure, after high school. Fuck that. This is during high school, and I have to deal with it now. Do I have to wait another year for things to go my way? But oh, wait, I'm not supposed to wait for things to come to me. I'm supposed to get out there. Take the helm. Go get em tiger. Yeah right... I don't know how to do that... and even if I did, I have no precedent of success to build on. Just failure. Perpetual failure. Perpetual toolhood. After high school, I haven't had any luck before high school! During high school! The only person I manage to get close enough to such that they actually pretend to care about and love me, lives thousands of miles away! Fucking brilliant! A plus Tab! And now where am I. What has that gotten me? An anxiety disorder and a lot of wasted time, energy, cash, and feeling. A lot of dreams that will never come to fruition. A lot of... you guessed it. Failure. The closest I've gotten to success is still lightyears away. And she's going to remain lightyears away, because... I don't know why. Because I'm not
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I guess. I don't know. It's just all so... stupid. I shouldn't have to put up with this shit.
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