Comments | szaleniec1000: Hemione's Talent Chapters 9-14

szaleniec1000

Hemione's Talent Chapters 9-14

Jul 09, 2012 01:13

Now with a TVTropes page. Contains spoilers, if it's possible to "spoil" such a load of crap.

( It continues )

that's why commas matter, did not do the bloody research, moustache twirling, paedofinder general, department of redundancy department, ron is ooc, ron is evil, i can has characterisation, anvil of foreshadowing, pov!fail, reading the books is a good idea, sexism, lavender the death eater, mc neville in da house, americanisms in the potterverse, badfic:hermione's talent, allcaps of doom, mione my arse, hermione in name only, disembodied dialogue, continuity isn't optional, neville is ooc

Comments 21

sickbritkid2 July 9 2012, 01:57:53 UTC

"So Draco if you hurt Hermione in any way at all you know Harry and I will hurt you right."

These run-on sentences are beginning to inflict physical pain to me...

szaleniec1000 July 9 2012, 09:49:15 UTC

Wait until I spork In This World and the Next.

sickbritkid2 July 10 2012, 00:29:26 UTC

That's the one that opens with Ron raping Hermione, right?

szaleniec1000 July 12 2012, 17:06:01 UTC

Yes. So Harry and Hermione kill him and are sentenced to the Dementor's Kiss. They're saved by utterly ludicrous deus ex machina as the Dementor explodes and sends them back in time. No, really. They decide to "fix" the Potterverse, like so many other time travel fics, which includes making Ron into a girl by troll-inflicted groin attack so he won't rape people. (There's so much fail there that it's hard to know where to start.) And screw over everyone else the author doesn't like along the way. And even though Ron's described as a "shit wizard" (like My Immortal, Hermione's Talent and The Girl Who Lived, ITWATN swears all the time) and can't even Body-Bind a pair of Muggles, we're supposed to believe that he's capable of overpowering Hermione twice. And yes, lots of run-on sentences.

Thread 6

sickbritkid2 July 9 2012, 01:59:55 UTC

I don't know if the author constantly eliding the initial A in "about" is her attempt to write dialect

If that were the case, then you'd think she'd add an apostrophe to the beginning of it. But I always thought the stereotypical "British dialogue" as interpreted by Americans was eliminating the last letter, like "abou'" or "wha'".

szaleniec1000 July 9 2012, 09:51:10 UTC

That's a Hagrid thing, really. I recall MotS saying in an author's note that she didn't give him any dialogue because she couldn't get his dialect right. She didn't get anyone else's right either, but fair play for at least attempting to know her own limitations.

sickbritkid2 July 9 2012, 02:01:22 UTC

Especially in this fic, where everyone talks in exactly the same voice and nobody seems to have an actual personality to speak of. It's like My Immortal where everyone's either a goff or a prep, only here they're either a fucknut or an arsecandle.

Or Hogwarts Exposed, where everyone's a nudist or a "prude" and both sides possess mongoloid-level intelligence.

sickbritkid2 July 9 2012, 02:04:05 UTC

The author at least had the common courtesy to hang a lampshade, but still, rapping Neville. There's no lampshade big enough for rapping Neville.

As in Hogwarts Exposed, the author's attempts to lampshade the ridiculousness of the situation only serve to make it MORE ridiculous.

szaleniec1000 July 9 2012, 09:46:38 UTC

Or The Legend of Rah and the Muggles. "It is hard to imagine that anyone left behind on Aura could have survived, but they did." This is not a paraphrase.

sickbritkid2 July 9 2012, 02:05:59 UTC

Also, hands up who thinks that part-sentence sounds remotely like anything Hermione would ever say or think?

*sees Neil raise his hand from within the FPODD*

szaleniec1000 July 9 2012, 09:48:41 UTC

Neil seems to have the opposite problem. His Hermione sounds really pompous and up herself, whereas if I sound out Talent!Hermione's dialogue in my head she sounds like a scally. They both epically fail in their own way.