Comments | szaleniec1000: Hogwarts Too Exposed Chapter 7 part 5

szaleniec1000

Hogwarts Too Exposed Chapter 7 part 5

Apr 30, 2012 18:04

You know a chapter title like "Just Another Boring Saturday" is tempting fate in Hogwarts Exposed, don't you?

Also, happy birthday meicdon13! :)
( Hogwarts Too Exposed Chapter 7, concluded )

show don't tell, what do you mean it's not awesome, onion slicing convention, om nom nom, conflict be damned, department of redundancy department, focal point, i can has characterisation, pov!fail, sexism, welsh railway, retcon yay, the sues are breeding, hooch is evil, drinking games, scraping the comedy barrel, harry potter, golden water, badfic:hogwarts too exposed, literally stupid, continuity isn't optional, approved hogwarts exposed dialogue voice

Comments 33

danel4d April 30 2012, 17:51:08 UTC

Maybe wizarding sperm can apparate? That would certainly make wizard porn more interesting ( ... )

sickbritkid2 May 1 2012, 08:41:41 UTC

It's fairly impressive the way the writer manages to not only take it far beyond it actually being funny by having the characters laugh uproariously at it, but then takes it further still, to the point at which it becomes really uncomfortable.

Indeed. Simply lampshading the awkwardness would've been effective writing in and of itself. Adding in the gorram laugh track, however, just makes the entire scene look farcical. And, like I said, it draws attention to the possibility of the author typing that passage with one hand...

sickbritkid2 April 30 2012, 17:53:35 UTC

I called it, didn't I? This chapter was released less than four months after Order of the Phoenix, and "Room of Requirement as knocking shop" was already firmly established as a cliché. I don't buy an entire floor being disused, which it wasn't in the books, especially when it's clearly used as a clumsy justification for why nobody has used or mentioned the Room of Requirement before. And this is why retconning elements of newly released canon into ongoing fic hardly ever works, tempting as it might be.

*monotoned* Oh dear God, how could you have guessed it, szaleniec?

No kidding about the clunky means of introduction to HE, though. The only thing clunkier was probably the exposition on the ROR from the atrociously-bad Order of the Phoenix film...

sickbritkid2 April 30 2012, 17:56:27 UTC

Jamie concentrated hard, saying over and over again, I need a place we can be alone, a place that will make our first time together special, a place to make love.

At which point the Room of Requirement proceeded to belch out Fiendfyre directly into Jamie's path, burning her to cinders within seconds.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjjZGyYcH9E

sickbritkid2 April 30 2012, 18:05:31 UTC

The far wall contained a bookcase, which immediately drew Hermione’s attention. The books seemed to all be about sex, but what surprised Hermione was that each volume she picked up seemed to be about women satisfying women. As she returned “The Tongue and How to Use It” to the shelf, Jamie called to her.
“Hermione, the room is wonderful, but I’m slightly confused,” Jamie said. “The décor seems rather womanly and why would two young lovers want all these type of things?” Jamie was pointing to a bookcase stocked with every conceivable type of female sex toy.

Who's willing to bet that the author only had one hand on the keyboard as he typed this?

What kind of odds are we thinking, here?

szaleniec1000 April 30 2012, 20:40:02 UTC

I don't know. I'd have thought he'd spend longer on drawn-out descriptions of what everything is and what it's for, like he did with Damien's torture dungeon.

sickbritkid2 May 1 2012, 08:45:19 UTC

Considering the guy's utter lack of understanding of female anatomy and proper copulation between a man and a woman*, he probably didn't elaborate at any length because he, quite frankly, had no idea the sorts of implements he could describe at length. So he went beige on the sex toys, while he was very obviously going purple on the torture implements.

I don't know. I'd have thought he'd spend longer on drawn-out descriptions of what everything is and what it's for, like he did with Damien's torture dungeon.

Ugh, don't remind me. Whenever I read that passage, I can't help but picture Neil ferociously slobbering all over his keyboard as he typed it/read it to himself.

*I mean, dear GOD are his sex scenes horrible!

sickbritkid2 April 30 2012, 18:18:26 UTC

Finally when Hermione was able to gain control, she put her arm around Jamie. “When you and Alex come to use the room, I think you will find it the same in many ways, but also different. This room was designed for you and I.”
“You and I?” Jamie said in shock.
“Yes. I think the room thought that we wanted to be together,” Hermione laughed. “I’m sure some changes will be made when it’s you and Alex making your needs known.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Rav9ijyyZk