Comments | szaleniec1000: Hogwarts Too Exposed Chapter 4 part 3

szaleniec1000

Hogwarts Too Exposed Chapter 4 part 3

Feb 11, 2012 20:24

If it's possible to write a Diagon Alley visit without intentionally or otherwise ripping off the books, I haven't seen it yet.

( And certainly not here. )

balance of stupidity, epic fail, show don't tell, the pansexual '50s, onion slicing convention, pepperjack cheese, a description would be nice, conflict be damned, department of redundancy department, expospeak, i can has characterisation, anvil of foreshadowing, pov!fail, welsh railway, hogwarts school of oratory, the worst birthday, damning with faint praise, disembodied dialogue, harry potter, badfic:hogwarts too exposed, out of order, said bookism, literally stupid, continuity isn't optional

Comments 57

sickbritkid2 February 12 2012, 09:20:48 UTC

“I hadn’t been in many pubs and this one seemed to be extremely tiny and grubby-looking. The clientele didn’t seem especially friendly, either. They all stopped their conversations and just stared at us. I guess to a pub of witches and wizards, two muggle dentists and their daughter were rather a sight.”

Is it me, or is Neil lifting Rowling's description of the Leaky Cauldron wholesale from the book instead of simply taking that description and possibly trying to view it through Hermione's eyes?

szaleniec1000 February 12 2012, 11:40:02 UTC

Like I said in the intro, it's what I've come to expect from Diagon Alley scenes in fanfic.

sickbritkid2 February 12 2012, 09:29:29 UTC

“It was,” Hermione answered, tears in her eyes.

*pounds a shot*

Someone mind telling me the gorram point to Hermione tearing up over her trip to Diagon Alley?

Her getting feelings of nostalgia or wistfulness at the time that's passed and the things she's done, I can understand. In the hands of a skilled fanfic writer, I bet this would've been an excellent scene that gives us some entertaining insight into Hermione's life pre-Hogwarts, which Harry Potter readers know basically NOTHING about, considering the novel's focus on Harry and our only real glimpse into Hermione's life being her parents' appearance in Chamber of Secrets and the scene of her Obliviating her parents in Deathly Hallows.

But no, instead it had to be handled by a pedophilic hack who fancied himself some sort of GENIUS writer because he wound up getting surrounded by fans who would congratulate him on this pile of shite and defend him whenever it got the criticism it so justly deserved!!

danel4d February 12 2012, 16:03:41 UTC

I presume it's sorrow over her dead parents. Don't forget, everyone has dead parents in this fic.

szaleniec1000 February 12 2012, 16:52:28 UTC

And we don't read anything about it but I'm guessing their deaths were as heroic and meaningful as the Zacherleys'. Somehow I can't see a pair of Muggle dentists standing a chance against Voldemort and the Death Eaters.

sickbritkid2 February 13 2012, 03:02:37 UTC

It's been a good six-five years since her parents died, for Christ's sake!

It's one thing if her parents had died, like, the year prior or two, but she's had several years to deal with her grief and move on, like a proper human being would.

The fact that she's STILL tearing up over her dead parents is ruttin' insulting!

If she suddenly felt sad and a bit down over her dead parents, fine. I feel like that about dead relatives I was close to all the time.

But bursting into tears just makes her come off as emotionally unstable and completely unfit for her position.

What kind of teacher is this Hermione Granger? Hell, what kind of MATURE ADULT is this Hermione Granger!?

Thread 5

sickbritkid2 February 12 2012, 09:31:03 UTC

I can't take this level of cliché seriously, to be honest.

I'm having to mainline insulin thanks to the sheer amount of diabetes that scene's given me.

sickbritkid2 February 12 2012, 09:37:36 UTC

“And how can you be sure that Alex is your chosen? Last year you were willing to give yourself to Harry.”

Don't remind me.

*slides szaleniec a pint*

Bottoms up, mate.

“Hermione, my dad was different from most wizards.

"He liked to come into my bedroom sometimes and let me play with his manhood until it spurted his seed! Then, sometimes, he'd have me lick it and take it into my mouth! It was his way of easing me into sex before sending me out to find my Chosen and give him my Gift!"

I would NOT be surprised if Neil actually intended to imply that when he was writing that line with her dad actually ENCOURAGING HER to have sex with Alex prior to them coming back to break...

sickbritkid2 February 12 2012, 09:41:10 UTC

He never actually did any of this when he was onscreen, and he never will because he's now under a fallen bridge somewhere.

No kidding. You'd think that he might've had some sort of premonition about a drunk driver killing both him and his wife.

Some seer he was.

szaleniec1000 February 12 2012, 11:43:16 UTC

I'd not even thought of that. Unless he saw their deaths and got mown down by a drunk driver in his attempt to avoid it, but we'll never know because it happened off-screen in a single line.