Hogwarts Exposed Chapter 21 part 1

[szaleniec1000]

LJ is back and so am I. Here we go again.

Comments

[sickbritkid2]

Starting off and I notice right from the gate: Jamie seems awfully calm about her parents dying from an out-of-left-field Diabolus Ex Machina!

[sickbritkid2]

And by "calm", I mean: Why in the bloody hell is she delivering a spontaneous monologue about her life with her parents after receiving news of their death?

I mean, are we supposed to infer that she's saying this between sobs or some shit?

If that's the case, then why in the hell weren't we given context clues as to this? Like her monologue being punctuated with some sniffs or sobs or her voice steadily breaking!?

Who in the FUCK would think this series is any good!?

[szaleniec1000]

Clearly she's a robot.

Who in the FUCK would think this series is any good!?

I tried to ask Not-Neil-Honest on TVTropes about this, and all I got was a virtual shrug and that he had a Weirdness Censor for mistakes. Which explains why someone would overlook the ever-present spelling, punctuation, grammar and usage errors, but not how they could defend the characterisation. I say "characterisation" but nobody has much of a personality.

[szaleniec1000]

Indeed. Hermione had a more dramatic reaction to the deaths of two people she barely knew than Jamie did to the deaths of her parents. It's one of many things that unsettle me about the way characters behave in this fic. The whole "not quite right" thing.

[sickbritkid2]

"The description of Casa Zacherley, by contrast, was basically the literary equivalent of stock footage, not giving us any more than 'here's a house

[szaleniec1000]

It's a continuation of a running gag I had in the Deserving spork, talking about Casa Potter. And that came about because it was supposed to be 12 Grimmauld Place, but if you've read the Deserving spork you'll know what the description was like: at no point were we given any of the feel of 12 Grimmauld Place as written by JKR. It came across as nothing more than a generic house except for having Kreacher in it. (And the fact that he was the most well-adjusted character in the fic spoke for itself.)

[szaleniec1000]

For that matter, when Betrayed Description Revenge of all fics managed to give a better portrayal of Grimmauld Place, you know it's bad.

[sickbritkid2]

"There is a program available for sixth and seventh years, but you must be recommended by four of your professors and receive thirteen Q.W.L.s to qualify.”

Okay, the first time, I couldn't wrap my head around how that typo could've been missed...

The second time around, though, makes me wonder if the author wrote that intentionally. Y'know, considering the THREE BETAS he credits on average per-chapter...

[szaleniec1000]

The explanation for how the typo could happen in the first place is that he was using a Dvorak keyboard, because O and Q are adjacent rather than almost opposite ends of the row as they are on QWERTY. How it could be missed by multiple betas, on the other hand, I'm stuck.

[sickbritkid2]

“I know ‘Mione."

What is it about that cutesy nickname that just irks me so? And why does it twist you off so badly, szaleniec?

[szaleniec1000]

It's cutesy, it's OOC for Hermione, it's based on a flagrant misinterpretation of canon and the author can't even decide which way he wants to shorten her name anyway. Half of the time she's "Herm" (which seems to be Neil's favourite, as he refers to her that way on Yahoo too) and the other half she's "Mione" with no apparent explanation.

[sickbritkid2]

Flagrant misinterpretation of canon?

[szaleniec1000]

There's one instance of Ron saying "Mione" in canon, and it's when he's got a mouth full of food. Fanon, with its unerring knack of taking isolated events and extrapolating them into major character elements, has made it her official nickname.

[sickbritkid2]

"Hermione’s heart had plenty of space."

But not enough space to accommodate the 12-gauge shot that I was about to put into it!

*pumps shotgun and fires*