Reboot Fic: Shadowplay 6/9 (Draws XI) [Pike/Dael/Kirk/McCoy], NC-17
For warnings, see Part 1
Her room is kept in light blue, with only a few white curtains taking the edges of the room's corners. Her bed is low on the floor, with some cushions and pillows in egg shell pastel. The only thing in abundance here are candles.
"A strange name, Ash," Pike says as he checks her license which is made out in the same name.
"I was inspired by the saga about a bird called Phoenix," Ash says as she takes her license from him and stows it away again.
"But it's never really about his ashes, only about his rebirth," Pike says, but she doesn't seem inclined to explain her choice.
"I'll prepare the tea." She glides off into a tiny kitchen corner without asking for his preferences, leaving him to meander through the room for another moment. There isn't a book or PADD to see; the room is bare of any real personal items.
"You're living here?" he asks when she gives him a cup of tea. It's not his usual beverage but it fits the atmosphere.
"Yes, this is my home," she says.
"It's so - naked."
"Everything we own is just an illusion," she says and lets her tunic slip down her stick-thin body, stepping out of it in the nude. "Only this is real." With one hand, she reaches up to his face and cradles his chin, and a wave of empathic concern floods his blood stream, hitting him like a hot desert wind. He takes a surprised breath, his knees going weak in a way that has nothing to do with his brain.
"Only we are real, here, now, together." He doesn't resist when she pulls him into a kiss, her lips surprisingly cool, her tongue flickering into his mouth as he opens to her and melts away.
Soon he's out of clothes and curled around her on her comfy bed, reveling in the growing peace of mind that she brings just by touching him. Maybe the stories about Deltans absorbing pain with their empathy are true after all.
"Why do you work here?" he asks nevertheless, slightly spoiling the moment. He'd seen her license and rationally knows that this is her choice, which is fine by him, but he can't help wondering if she couldn't make something more sensible with her life.
She strokes his hand that rests on her flat stomach without answering.
"Please. I'd love to know."
"Why, do you want to rescue me?" she says softly.
"Do you want to get rescued?"
"Not like humans think," she says and gets out of bed. She exchanges some burned-down candles with new ones before turning back to him. "On Delta, I'm the object of pity; on Earth, I'm the object of envy. I prefer the latter."
Pike is struck from her words and their implications. Yet another girl living between cultures, and just as torn, obviously.
"I also think that this world has not enough compassion," Ash adds more softly as she kneels down on the bed next to him. "So much pain in you all… I can see why some think you are less… evolved." She takes the edge off her statement by leaning forward and kissing along his throat and down to his chest, gently tonguing his nipples. When he closes his eyes, he could almost pretend that this is Dael, but thinking of her brings back the news about her delay, and with it another bout of helpless frustration.
"Shhh." Ash puts two fingers on his chin. "Look at me." It's strange to see her face, so similar in its anorexic youth and yet so different because her skin is white like china, flawless. He reaches up and palms her cheek, drawing one thumb over her bottom lip.
"Tell me about her," she says.
He sighs. "I'd rather not. It wouldn't change a thing anyway." His mind might still be a little unwilling but his cock isn't, and he's ready to follow its lead if it means getting rid of his thoughts for a while. She catches on his mood and curls her hand around his hard-on with a few firm strokes before going down on him.
When he closes his eyes this time, he thinks of nothing but the arousing touch of a pair of lips.
*
He dreams about something sweet and hot that he doesn't remember the second he opens his eyes, but the smile on his lips lingers as he laces, still half-asleep, around the body at his side. Runs his hand around a tiny waist and up a flat chest, caressing a soft nipple on the way before drifting down again.
A moment later he awakes fully and realizes in the light of dawn that despite the similarities to his dream, the skinny being in his arms isn't Dael but Ash, a half-Deltan he had met for the first time last evening. Who'd been wonderful and able to get him out of his fucking depressed state, and on top of that had invited him to stay for the night. It's been the best sleep he's had for a while, but he shouldn't overtax the invitation, he guesses, and retreats a little from her body. Besides, he really should go home first before hitting the admiralty.
She's still half-asleep but her hand reaches back and touches him, firm enough to stop him from leaving. Angling up one leg, her pelvis curves against him in an unspoken invitation. When he doesn't take it up, she whispers, "Don't leave yet."
"You tell that to every guy?" he whispers back, immediately annoyed about his stupid answer but she only pats his leg.
"Every being I let stay overnight." Her foot glides along his lower leg, and he reaches around, stroking her almost nonexistent breasts.
"I bet there are many…" he says, and starts pressing kisses on her shoulder.
She doesn't answer, only intensifies her own touches. He takes her from behind, and she's beautifully tight and it feels almost as dirty as when he does that with Dael. He comes much faster than he wants to, and draws out with the same bad conscience as last night when she'd told him that Deltans don't have orgasms like humans do so he shouldn't concern himself with her pleasure. She'd feel enough from him.
His release brings both closure and a strange feeling of disconnecting, and he takes a shower all by himself and then dresses up. She puts on a bathrobe to lead him down the stairways, her hand lightly in his.
"Where's John?" he asks the Orion women who sit closely together on a couch in a kind of living room, watching some music vids.
"He left a while ago," one says. When he asks about paying, they shake their heads; it's all been settled already. They offer to call him a cab but he'd let himself get beamed home after a little walk, so he declines it.
Ash brings him to the door, and in the pale morning light, she looks like a mythical creature lost in the reality of the modern city - a fairy without wings. They exchange another kiss, and he embraces her for a moment, whispering a thank you in her ear. She only nods, eyes soft on him.
"How would you want to get rescued?" he says as he's already out of the door, turning back to her. She looks down at him from her three steps above with an otherworldly smile and opens her mouth for an answer when steps draw close and silence her. They briefly gaze at the passerby; it's a middle-aged woman of slightly darker complexion, and Pike has a sudden moment of deja-vu, as if he'd met her before. But then the woman passes them with only a brief, albeit sharp glance and vanishes in the distance.
Ash draws the bathrobe a little tighter around her body, a light shiver running through her. "Only a miracle could rescue me," she says. Before Pike can ask for an explanation, she adds, "I never let anyone stay with me all night before."
"Oh," he says a little dumbfounded. "Then why me?"
"Because you are hoping for a miracle too," she says and places a kiss on his forehead before she takes a step back and closes the door to him.
Pike sighs. He dislikes riddles, especially when delivered by races that claim to be superior to humans. Walking away over the grey pavement, though, his strange feelings both intensify and dissipate in the cool morning air. Everything is unreal - the night, Ash, her words - the only reality is the world he returns to, a world of meetings and messages and a species out there with every intention to destroy all that they have, their diversity, their humanity.
Just the things he'd celebrated tonight - the things that are worth living for.
*
When he hits his office, freshly showered and in a clean uniform, the lingering misgivings he'd had about the night vanish in the light of his markedly increased mood. In a way, he'd never thought about paying for sex because there are many methods to get it for free, but he doesn't regret this particular visit and sends Farnham a hearty thank-you message. With his new-found peace of mind, he's able to sit through three rather tiring meetings without zooming out or getting annoyed, which is a large improvement compared to the last weeks.
The day passes productively, and they're so well within schedule that they consider moving the Pathfinder launch forward. Pike and Thelin work on checking the possibility all evening, and it's already past midnight when they part, the draft of the new plan delivered to the console of every team member.
Once he hits his bed, he lazily jerks off with Dael in mind, sparing a few thoughts for Ash when he drifts into sleep, already wondering if he should visit her again in a few days. Considering her positive impact on his life, it might be just what the doctor orders… albeit not his doc, maybe, Pike thinks half wistfully, half amused.
*
The first meeting the next morning is about their rescheduling, and despite everyone agreeing on the plan, there's a strange shift in the atmosphere compared to the day before. Esteban is tight-lipped and doesn't speak a lot, except in moments when he feels compelled to take a strong role as devil's advocate.
The team soon decides to launch a month earlier than originally planned, and Pike sends the good news right to Nogura's desk. At the end of the meeting, when everyone walks out, Pike calls after Esteban.
"Captain - please stay for a moment." They'd already had rocky times between them, and he doesn't need a second round of that with the young captain.
Esteban freezes. "Sir?" he says roughly and turns around, making a few steps back towards the table with his arms stiffly at his sides.
Pike gets up and walks around his desk to face Esteban. "What's the matter with you today, Esteban?"
"Nothing, sir," the captain replies, but his clenched jaw and hunched shoulders belie his words.
"Did I do something wrong again, something that goes against your beliefs?" Pike says, more sarcastically than he wants to. It has a phenomenal effect, though, as Esteban's eyes blaze at him in flaring anger.
"You're asking that? You really don't have an ounce of dignity left, sir."
Pike straightens. "Feel free to speak your mind - not that you seem to need an invitation anyway," he states.
"You bought a girl."
First surprised, then annoyed, Pike rolls his eyes at the old-fashioned statement. "And you would think that why?" he inquires coolly.
"My sister passed the two of you when you left the brothel yesterday morning. She's a social worker in that area."
Esteban's morals really come right down to the nineteenth century, and his whole family seems to be like that. "If anything, I booked a legal service. Nobody pressured into anything. Any problems with that?"
"Why should I have a problem with you fucking a kid that could be your granddaughter?" Esteban says scathingly.
"She's of age and licensed. Her papers were fine."
"She's Deltan. By their counting, she's only fifteen."
Pike briefly startles but then shakes his head. "She's an Earth citizen; her papers here are all that counts." It's impossible to keep track of the various legislative systems within Federation space; everyone's using the system of the planet he's officially living on.
Esteban makes a step forward, his face bright red. "You always have a good explanation for your actions, don't you? You'd always find a way to explain why you need to fuck someone, be it a guy or a cadet or an underage prostitute. It's bad enough that you're renting out your girlfriend to Kirk -"
At this point, Pike's fist neatly connects with Esteban's jaw, sending the captain sprawling to the floor.
"Your presumptions are incredible," Pike says white-faced, fists balled.
"You think you're an honorable man, but you're nothing like that," Esteban splutters and gets up on one elbow, wiping blood from his face. "You're a disgrace to all of the admiralty, and I'll make sure you'll get removed before you can ruin any more people."
"We'll see who'll end where," Pike states icily, rubbing his hurting knuckles.
There's a sound at the door, and they both turn their heads to find Pike's assistant clearing his throat. "Sir - a visitor for you."
"Not now," Pike says harshly.
"It's D'Kxthe, the Secretary of Defense," his assistant says, and jerks his head towards the anteroom.
There's no good way to send one of the highest-ranking Federation officials away, so Pike gives in. "Get out of here, Esteban," he snaps, pulling himself together. "We'll have words later."
The captain hurries up and leaves, holding one hand to his bleeding face.
Heaven knows what D'Kxthe might think of them now, but at least Pike is able to shake the neuter's hand with a straight face, accepting courtly congratulations for the updated Pathfinder schedule on behalf of the team.
*
It takes Pike twenty agonizing minutes until D'Kxthe departs. Once the neuter is out of the door, he tries to call Esteban, but to no avail. Rather sure where the captain has gone, he rushes over to Nogura's office. From the way the assistants stare at him, Esteban's appearance has left quite an impression.
"He's inside, I guess?" Pike says, a rhetoric question, and walks into Nogura's office without waiting for being announced. Esteban jumps out of his chair, half raising his fists. Pike doesn't feel much like fighting, but he wouldn't mind give the bastard another punch either, so he gives him a deathly glare.
"Gentlemen!" Nogura admonishes them sharply. "Captain, please wait outside for a moment."
Ducking his head, Esteban passes behind Pike, keeping his defensive posture until he's out of the room. The door snaps close.
"Sir," Pike says extremely formally, "I don't know what Captain Esteban told you but I was strongly provoked."
Nogura waves at him. "Sit down, Chris. Please."
Pike stiffly takes the chair that had just been deserted by Esteban.
"That's a pretty mess the two of you created," Nogura says. "Until Esteban's stormy arrival here, I had supposed that everything worked fine between the two of you. Just this morning, your new Pathfinder launch date caused a little sensation. It's the first project in decades to be finished earlier than planned. So I was quite surprised to learn about the captain's problems with you."
"They are personal problems," Pike says. "A personal aversion to Kirk because of an old story in which he was not personally involved. A misguided obsession to protect Dael and others from my presumably bad influence. He's unable to accept that my lifestyle might be different to his."
Nogura eyes him, gaze unreadable. "Did you sleep with that Deltan escort?"
"Half-Deltan," Pike corrects him. "Yes, I did. A friend wanted to do me a favor. I checked her papers before we did anything; she's definitely legal, and the house she's working for has a good reputation."
Nogura sighs. "Legal isn't necessarily the same as legitimate, Chris. Considering the various articles that hit the press since you got together with Dael, a story about you paying for sex with a young woman of debatable age -"
"It's not debatable; she's of age on Earth," Pike says annoyed.
"- of debatable age," Nogura repeats flatly, "would give the public the sad impression that certain Starfleet admirals only think with their dicks."
Pike frowns and opens his mouth, but Nogura is faster.
"Also - is it true that you encouraged Dael to work in a night club?"
"Yes. Even worse," Pike states challenging, "I was the one who organized the job for her because she needed one, and it worked just fine. The positive effect was visible in her various class results, feel free to look it up."
"You realize, though, that the impression an outsider would get -"
Pike raises his chin belligerently. "I never did anything illegal. It might not look good in your precious headlines, but it's not forbidden. You of all people should know that I do my best to support Dael. Esteban's insinuation that I somehow forced Dael to get together with Jim is laughable. They formed a connection based on their personal experiences months before Dael and I even got together as a couple."
Nogura raises a hand, gesturing him to calm down. "I believe you. I would never have allowed this relationship if I hadn't been sure that it would be in Dael's interest. Though I still have misgivings once in a while, I tried my best to explain my decision to Esteban. I know that he insulted not just you but your partners, so your punch was understandable. Though I'd really prefer an officer like you to have more control over his reactions."
Pike balls his fists. "I won't apologize. He keeps judging my private life by his outdated standards. He knows nothing of my lifestyle, and just as I wouldn't tell him how to raise his children, he shouldn't see fit to advise me about my partnerships and sexual life."
"Agreed," Nogura says. "However, you are both very important for the task force, and I don't want to lose either of you. So we need to find some sort of solution."
"I'm not sure I can work with him ever again," Pike says.
"Funny, he said the same," Nogura mutters and shakes his head. "Just a few more months, Chris, then he'll be in space."
"As you said, he insulted not just me but my partners, who are currently not able to defend themselves."
"He's willing to apologize for his words."
Pike tilts his head, rubbing over one eyebrow. "Is he?" he says in barely hidden disbelief.
"Yes," Nogura repeats. "He's aware that he's gone overboard, and as I said, I explained some things about Dael to him."
Pike leans back, taking a deep breath. "I'm not happy with that solution. I really don't want to work with someone who thinks I'm a disgrace to the admiralty."
"After the latest article with that picture of Dael and you in a rather indecent position," Nogura says serenely, "others have stated similar opinions about you to me. He's not alone with this judgment, Chris."
Pike flushes, remembering the rumors he'd once overhead in an admiralty restroom. Adding it all together, the truths and the lies, his reputation and public image have definitely taken a dive by now.
"I really would prefer you keeping out of the headlines for a while," Nogura keeps going. "Not the least because your work is definitely not ready for the headlines, and being so visible makes you a potentially interesting target."
"It's not like I try to get into the news," Pike says stiffly.
"You're not trying very hard to avoid it either," Nogura says, just a tad accusingly. After a brief pause, he says, "I want you and Esteban to work together for the remaining time. Do you think you can do that, if he apologizes?"
Realizing that Nogura isn't willing to remove Esteban from the task force, Pike knows that he could either accept them working together in the near future, or he would be the one who'd have to resign from his position - and he's not ready for that, now less than ever as it would look as if Esteban's accusations had been valid.
"If he apologizes, I'll accept it," Pike says, his chest aching from the frustration he forcefully bottles up.
"Good." Nogura turns to call and order for Esteban to be sent in.
Esteban walks in, his back ramrod straight. The wound had stopped bleeding, obviously sealed with synthoskin. "Sir," he says stiffly with hands linked behind his back, looking only at Nogura.
"As I just told Admiral Pike, I want the two of you to keep working together until the Pathfinder launch," the old man says. "Despite your personal problems, your collaboration at work has been extremely fruitful and Starfleet doesn't have the time or inclination to substitute either of you with someone else."
"I understand," Esteban says. It's clear that the captain is as unsatisfied with Nogura's decision as Pike is; but it seems to be one of those moments in life where following orders means shutting up and biting the bullet.
"Before you can return to work, the admiral demands an apology. He's understandably irritated by the insinuations you brought up, which have no root in reality."
Esteban clears his throat and turns to face Pike. "I apologize for insulting your partners and you," he says tonelessly. "I've come to understand that it's been the conscious choice of all people involved to enter this uncommon relationship, and that no pressure of any kind had been exerted. I apologize for insinuating otherwise, and this way sullying the honor of fellow Starfleet officers."
It takes quite an effort from Pike, but at last he manages to get the reply unstuck from his throat. "Apology accepted." He goes as far as extending his hand, and Esteban takes it visibly reluctantly, shaking it with a weak grip.
"I understand that both of you have different beliefs but do not let this get in the way of your extremely important work," Nogura says gently as they're ready to leave. "Many of our best teams are formed by people of very diverse backgrounds."
"Yes, sir," Pike says, eyes straight and jaw tight. "Thank you for your advice, sir." Esteban mumbles something similar, and then they walk out, the assistants completely failing at not looking at them. Only in the corridor do the two men exchange a gaze.
"Sorry about that," Pike says with a nod towards Esteban's jaw. "Not my standard reaction, but…"
Esteban shrugs, his eyes guarded and a little hostile. "It seems to have been justified."
"We once agreed that our differences in opinion should not influence our working relationship," Pike says, trying to be friendly. "We both know now that's easier said than done, but I'm still willing to try."
"We don't have any alternatives, do we?" Esteban says stiffly. "See you tomorrow, sir." He salutes and walks away with long steps.
"Obviously not," Pike mutters quietly, filing away the captain's behavior. It doesn't look as if Esteban is very inclined to let it rest, having made up his mind about Pike's unworthiness.
With a muttered curse, Pike walks back to his office, keeping himself busy until late in the night and then working some of his tension out of his system in the admiralty's gym.
*
It's an uneasy truce between them, forced on them by Nogura, but it works better than Pike would've expected. It possibly shows that the working relationship between Esteban and him had never really recovered from their first conflict and that failed dinner invitation.
It was a mistake that he'd never told Dael that Esteban truly believed he'd forced her to get together with Jim - she would probably have been able to clear up this misunderstanding. But she's still unattainable, and even if the Enterprise wasn't under radio silence, Kirk's word would never be enough for Esteban.
Esteban and he briefly confer about officially informing the task force, but then decide against it. The members on Earth already asked them in person, and the UP team doesn't need to get involved. The task force had been running smoothly despite their strained interaction; it is best to keep it at that.
The admiralty's rumor mill is in full swing, but at least it's not just about Pike this time.
*
Two days later a call comes in via his private number at midday. Pike excuses himself from the colleague he'd been walking with and steps aside.
"Alain here."
Pike turns, facing the wall. "Alain," he says, having quite forgotten about his ex over the developments of the last days. "You're calling about the apartment?"
"Yes." There's a pause. "Does your offer still stand?"
"Yes."
"I'm rather out of credits."
"It's been uninhabited for months. I'd be relieved to know someone's taking care of it for a while."
Alain's voice is rough when replying, "I don't want a handout, Chris."
Pike bends forward, forehead almost against the wall. "Fine. Three months for free, then we'll agree on a rent." When hesitant silence answers, he adds, "You're doing me a favor, Alain. Really. I've been wrecking my brain about what to do with the apartment, because I didn't want to sell it but I didn't want to rent it out to strangers either. So I'd happily shove the caretaking into your lap in exchange for living there." The silence lingers for another moment, just the sound of breathing in the line, then at last an "Okay." It sounds forced.
"Good. Let's meet at the apartment, 2100."
"Okay," Alain says and ends the call. That doesn't sound enthusiastic either, but Pike has no illusion about his ex-lover's situation; Alain would never have taken up his offer if not in dire need. He's still glad he can do something for Alain, strange as it might sound. He has got the means to be generous, so why the hell not?
He puts away the communicator and lifts his head, taking a deep breath. He'd have to go to his former apartment and see if everything's presentable, and he'd better do this right now. Stepping aside Pike seeks a good place to beam out when McAllister and Esteban pass him, speaking animatedly until the moment they see him.
"Gentlemen," Pike says with a nod, and they salute him quickly before wandering off together in silence. He looks after them with a strange feeling.
*
After a brief detour in the afternoon, Pike returns to his old apartment in the evening, with some general equipment and bed sheets. Truth be told, the place isn't really ready for anyone to live in it. Most furniture is gone, only the returned bed, a few small cabinets and an old chair have remained. The kitchen at least is complete and usable, the fridge already powering up. But it's a far cry from homey.
And now it's strange to stand on his old, tiny balcony and look over the city at night, waiting for the man who'd caused him quite some pain back then. They'd lived here together for a year, and if it had gone according to Pike's plans, they would've stayed together for many more, but that didn't happen. He's is more than glad when the bell rings, tearing him out of his trip down memory lane.
"Hey," Alain says when he opens to him. Pike eyes the small bag Alain carries.
"Just that? Not sure that's enough to get comfortable here."
"I'll be fine," Alain replies and puts the bag down in the corridor. Pike shows him around, noting Alain's tiredness. His ex looks a lot more exhausted than when he'd met him on the beach.
"Everything all right?" Pike asks when they're in the kitchen.
"Yeah, okay," Alain says. It's an obvious lie but it's not Pike's business to fix Alain's life, aside of the support he can easily give with this arrangement.
"I need to leave, got some work waiting for me," Pike says.
Alain smiles slightly. "Still work above all."
Pike feels annoyed; he'd stomached Alain's eternal criticism of Starfleet back then, but today it's not his exes' business any longer. "If you need anything, give me a call," he says coolly and leaves.
He scolds himself on the way home; getting annoyed about Alain would mean to give his ex a power over his mood that the man doesn't deserve anymore. Pike's life is okay, his current relationships successful; Alain could shove his criticism where the sun doesn't shine.
His own apartment is cool and empty, and Pike switches on twice as many lights as he needs, just to make it look livelier. He briefly toys with the idea to contact Ash, but with Nogura's warning voice in mind, he doesn't.
*
Burying himself into his growing backlog, Pike tackles more of the outstanding reports from the scientific experts, but whenever he brings up new background information on the Borg, it's usually discarded as not relevant for the current Pathfinder upgrade. It becomes a grinding task that adds to his general frustration - a feeling that drives him both to the gym and to a higher level of whiskey consumption, a yellow tinge on his med app on more evenings than is good. He also doesn't sleep very well.
"Everything okay on your side?" Cho asks him one evening in a comm call, her gaze resting on his probably tired face in concern. "Your health…?"
"I'm fine, thanks," Pike lies.
Aside from Ash, he also vaguely thinks of calling Alain when he receives a message from the same.
How about coming over for dinner on Friday? I could cook for us. ~ Alain
Pike ponders his answer for two days before he declines. He might feel fucking alone, but not bad enough to hang out with his ex.
*
"Why don't you come over for the weekend?" Tom asks him in a call to his office on Friday. "We could go riding together. I know that you miss it."
"I'm busy," Pike says evasively. Family time wouldn't be the solution either; it mostly reminds him of the last time he'd been there with Dael.
"Come on, old man. The world won't end over a weekend trip."
Pike thinks of the latest analyses on his desk; more on the speed and agility of Borg ships, their current weaponry and technological prognosis, some of the details in old Spock's stories that slowly make sense in the big picture. "It might," he says.
"Uh." Tom draws a face. "You're just gloomy because Dael isn't around."
Pike shrugs. "She'll be back in a few weeks. Might as well spend my time on something useful."
Tom soon gives up over the finality in his voice and hangs up.
Pike faintly remembers that it's been part of his plan to drive out to Tom's farm more often, but really, he doesn't have the peace of mind right now to vanish for a few days. And as if to prove his point, there's a call on the line from Utopia Planitia, an engineer coming back to him with detailed, sensible questions for whose answers Pike would have to do some research.
No, he couldn't just walk away from this.
*
A week later, the Enterprise is still under radio silence like quite a few other ships, rumors have it, and Pike grows increasingly concerned about the current Ship Operations plans. He tries to speak with Nogura but the old man mostly seems to be out of the building, and his office is less than helpful - which is no surprise after the showdown with Esteban.
Finally worn out by his frustrating work and sex life, he tries to call Farnham but nobody answers; they're either not there or don't answer his call. So against better judgment, he goes to a gay club and gets blown in a dark room by a nameless guy that smells nothing like Dael and feels nothing like the doc. He gets rather drunk too, for which he pays with a hangover for all the weekend, his med app accusingly disapproving as he lies on the bed and stares at the ceiling, not finding the energy to leave the house.
At last, he gives in and calls the house where Ash works.
"She's not here anymore," the woman on the other end of the line says.
"What do you mean? She moved to another house, or another city?"
There are whispers in the background, before the woman says, "I really can't tell you, sir. But if you need a Deltan…"
"No, thanks," Pike says and hangs up. It'd been that similarly strange combination that Dael has, fragility and vulnerability paired with inner strength and equanimity, that had attracted him to Ash. Well, and possibly her anorexic body, because he's got a strange conditioning by now. In any case - he can't imagine substituting her with anyone else.
He sends a message to Farnham, inquiring whether his friend knows anything about Ash's whereabouts.
"Time for lunch?" Farnham asks two days later, and they meet at a bistro they'd both never been to before. When they'd ordered, Farnham leans forward with a rather serious face.
"I don't see the Orions very often, so they didn't want to give me any information on the comm line. I drove there last night to ask about Ash's fate."
"What happened to her?" Pike asks in foreboding.
"Sorry to be the harbinger of bad news - but she died."
Pike involuntarily shuts his eyes. "No…" He opens them again, shaking his head incredulously. "What happened?"
"She had a rare form of cancer for which she'd been treated repeatedly. Whenever she could work, she did so, saying that sex made her feel alive. She appeared to be healed after her last hospital stay but she had a relapse two nights after we'd been there."
"Cancer," Pike repeats blankly. "So that's why she looked so undernourished."
"Yes." Farnham takes his hand, nudging it. "I'm sorry. If I had known that, I wouldn't have set you up with her."
"Why not?" Pike asks.
"Because it's damn depressing, that's what it is. Hell, it even depresses me and I didn't really talk to her aside of checking her out for you. She was so young. It's a shame."
Pike stares at the wall, thinking of Dael who's just as young and possibly just as endangered. Not by her own body, thankfully, but by the situation she's in, not the least because of Farnham.
"I've got something for you," his friend says and pulls away to retrieve something out of his pocket. It's a white Origami butterfly.
"It's from the Japanese girl who lived two rooms away from Ash. It seem Deltans have that tradition that when someone dies, the visitors receive a token of their connection to the deceased. The girl wanted to honor that tradition, so she made some butterflies. Offered me one too but I didn't feel like taking it."
Pike rotates the piece of art between his fingers. It fits sadly well to Ash, who turns even more into a fairy in his head now than before the news of her premature death.
"She wrote Ash's full name inside," Farnham adds.
Suddenly, a well-known face appears over Farnham's shoulder. Startled, Pike snaps out of his thoughts and leans back, hiding the butterfly - he definitely doesn't want to give McAllister anything interesting to report to Nogura. Moments later, McAllister passes them with a woman at his arm and vanishes towards the first floor, apparently oblivious of them.
They eat in silence, the sandwich tasting like cardboard in Pike's mouth. He leaves half of it on the plate when they part, the butterfly secured in his pocket.
*
When he gets home that night, the first thing he does is carry the paper butterfly into the living room. He stops in front of Dael's artistic body shots. They had been hanging there for so long, sometimes he doesn't even notice them anymore. But now he looks at them fully, with a wistful smile remembering how she'd given them to him back then when they'd only been mentor and protégé, when he'd had no idea of how important she'd be to him one day. Her tattoos look so beautiful in them, but it's all about darkness and suggestions, half-hidden patterns in the shadows. Optically, Dael is a bit of a dark mirror to the fairy without wings that Ash had been, but in the end, both girls are neither demons nor angels, just kids trying to find their own way in a world that had not really welcomed them.
Ash hadn't made it, but as wise men say, nobody's truly dead as long as they're remembered, and he'd definitely remember her. He could even open the butterfly and read her true name, but like with Dael, it'd been the girl's choice to change it, so who is he to question the wisdom of her decision? Bad enough that he'd gone after Dael's hidden past lately; some things are meant to be left in the dark.
It's hard to find a good place for the Origami art as he's unwilling to pierce its wings with pins. At last he places it on the top of Dael's framed shot against the wall, an unstable position but it should hold unless there's an earthquake, and then he'd have more important problems than a fallen butterfly.
Farnham calls him twice over the next days, but Pike doesn't feel like answering.
*
On the surface, the task force keeps running smoothly and they're able to tick off quite a few items over the weeks.
Another round of orbit tests gets scheduled, and Pike only gives the list a brief look-over, ready to send it out - but then he stops. There's a test listed for the new dredger torpedo, as the engineers named it, a nasty little beast that drills holes into the enemy's ship. Nastier, though, is the fact that the same torpedo had failed its unit tests twice already, and Pike couldn't remember that it had passed a third test.
And actually, when he looks it up, it had not only failed all tests, but they'd also explicitly decided to leave it out of this testing round. Checking the document revisions, he finds Esteban's name tagged to the faulty entry.
"Captain Esteban - a word with you, please," Pike calls him, and minutes later, the captain appears.
Pike gestures at his screen. "Captain - care to explain to me why you scheduled the dredger torpedo for orbit tests when it hasn't passed the ground tests yet?"
Esteban faces him squarely. "It will be going through its third unit test at end of the week, and the signs are good that it will pass. If we don't schedule it for this round, it'll take another month before it's even going to be considered. This torpedo is an extremely valuable attack weapon and we'd be stupid to keep it out of the mission because of missing an arbitrarily defined timeslot by a few days."
"All enhancements are subjected to the same timetables - which, by the way, were defined by us collectively. Just as we all together made the decision to leave this torpedo out of the next orbit tests. You cannot simply decide which decisions to adhere to and which not," Pike states, controlled.
"You made the team decide that it should be left out."
Pike raises a brow. "Oh, I didn't know that the other officers are simply there to let my decision through on a nod. I'm sure Commander Cho would be surprised that you see her like this."
"Cho is an old friend of yours, she usually shares your opinions."
"Adding insult to insubordination," Pike says, pretending to be amused when he actually feels far from that. "Did you manipulate other test schedules to your liking?"
"No, sir," Esteban says stiffly.
Pike isn't sure he believes him, but it would be a hell of a lot of work to go through the past lists. "If you are unsatisfied with our decision, feel free to apply to our superiors. That is the official way to handle such disagreements. But if I find you violating another clear decision of the team, you'll be in serious trouble."
The captain nods sharply and stomps out.
*
Pike is not really surprised when a few days later, Cho calls him.
"Just got an addition to the orbit test listing - someone added the dredger torpedo to the tests. Didn't we agree that it's not yet ready?"
"We did, but Esteban had another opinion," Pike replies. "Who signed the order?"
"Nogura's office. A Commander Talas. Never heard of - him?"
"Her - she's one of the new Andorians."
"Never heard of her before," Cho concludes, a deep frown on her face. "I'm really concerned about Esteban's behavior. That's just bad style. Are there any problems between the two of you? I noticed that you tend to get angry with each other, and there had been rumors about a fight…?"
"Aside from him being someone who carries personal problems into professional relationships, we don't have a problem."
"Oh, damn. Maybe get him removed?" Cho suggests. "Not my usual preference for solving problems, but -"
"That's not my decision at the moment, actually," Pike says, and he can see it in her eyes that his message is interpreted correctly. "It was me who told him to address higher levels if he wanted to change our schedule. He obviously did, with success."
Cho shakes her head. "What's going on down there?" she asks concerned.
"Just a bit of 'fleet politics. The usual crap," Pike replies.
She looks doubtful. "Well, if you say so. I'm running out of time for now, but please, be careful." Cho signs off.
The dredger torpedo barely passes its third unit tests. When one of them prematurely explodes in orbit of Mars, Pike would be spiteful if not for the fact that two engineers are torn to pieces by it - this way, he mostly feels like a failure for not having insisted on getting the torpedo removed from the list.
Cho sends him an angry voice recording that sounds as if she'd been quite drunk, raving on about dumb HQ assholes who are willing to kill people for a goddamn deadline. She apologizes to him the next day, glad when he tells her he's deleted it. Pike badly regrets that he can't fall back on getting drunk anymore, and punches a hole into the sandbag of the admiralty's gym.
The tests proceed, and the deaths get chalked up as unfortunate accident.
*
On Tuesday morning, Pike is called to Nogura's office. Despite being a little tenser than he would've been in the past, he's also looking forward to seeing the old man. Maybe he could address Esteban's inclination to ignore the chain of command, but he'd have to word that very carefully. When he enters, however, only the commanders McAllister and Uganda are there.
"Please take a seat, Admiral," McAllister says, and he sits down opposite to Nogura's deputies. There's something of a disciplinary hearing in the air, though Pike wouldn't know why.
"What's the subject of this meeting?" he asks.
"How often did you attend receptions on Federation embassies over the last months?" Uganda asks back.
"Two or three times a week, maybe. The Federation is large…"
"You filed only few reports for these receptions. You know it's customary to write one about every single attendance?"
"Customary, but not mandatory," Pike says. "It's within the realm of personal judgment whether the events of the evening are worth a report of their own."
"So what events are not worthy to report, in your opinion?"
"Discussions about Andorian art, or Vulcan physiology? I'm not sure you'd want to read about green trots," Pike says a little amused.
"This isn't funny, Admiral," Uganda says with a frown. "You've attended forty-three events in the last months but filed reports only for twelve of them. Does that mean that all those evenings on which you spoke about the Borg have not been worth a report?"
"I never speak about the Borg, unless in very private moments and without going into detail," Pike says, straightening a little as he realizes what they're up to.
"And you also don't speak about the Borg weapons that are currently being developed on Utopia Planitia?"
"I don't. But I've become aware of the fact that rumors are spreading about our current plans. Various ambassadors have tried to pry information about it from me."
"Do you know where the rumors originated?"
"I suppose from the nations' own investigations. Everyone knows that most planets have their own intelligence forces that look into 'fleet plans. We've got a hundred people working on the project by now, it's bound to leak out over time."
"But none of this can be found in any report, no reference to which other planets seem to know about our plans," McAllister says.
"No," Pike admits. "I had a lot of work lately and didn't write as many reports as I probably should have."
They nod, but their stiff shoulders tell him that this isn't the end yet. McAllister thumbs through something on his PADD, then looks up at him.
"If we said we had information that you had been the leak through which other planets learned about the development, what would you say?"
"That that is a lie," Pike says instantly. "Who said that?" He wouldn't be surprised if this is Esteban's newest attempt to get rid of him.
McAllister ignores his question. "Maybe you had a weak moment, said something you shouldn't have."
"I've attended events for many months now, and yes, partly because of the Borg. We need to be prepared for war and we need allies for that in the Federation council. But I never divulged secret information."
"You said we need to prepare for war," Uganda says. "But since the Pathfinder refit plans, your opinion about that seems to have changed. Maybe it's in your best interest when other planets wouldn't want to engage in a war with the Borg."
Pike leans a little forward. "I remain concerned about the use of future Borg technology that is way out of synch with our actual technological progress on vessels that are supposed to engage the Borg pro-actively. We'll be carrying weapons into the space of an enemy who might have a much better grasp on them than we do," he says sharply. "I am not opposed to a militaristic conflict per se. I think it is likely and necessary to engage the Borg very early. Considering how smoothly the Pathfinder project runs, you should realize how laughable your criticism is."
He gets to his feet. "Enough of this. If you have reasons to accuse me of treason, then file them and arrange an official hearing, with the details in advance to my desk so that I can prepare a defense. Other than that, we're done here."
"This meeting was intended to find out just this," Uganda says.
"And what's your conclusion?" Pike asks.
"For the time being -" Uganda exchanges a gaze with his colleague, and McAllister nods - "we will refrain from further measures. However, please make sure to file reports of any attended events in the future, so that others may be able to learn from the information you gathered during them."
"Fine. I can do that. Good-bye." Pike turns on his heel and leaves, not waiting to be dismissed. He fumes as he gets back to his office, angry with himself for having left such an obvious spot open for criticism, but angrier and also quite a bit unsettled about the way he'd been asked about his activities. Is that what Nogura thinks about his work, that he'd become the weak spot in his team, the man who would speak about the wrong things? Why is he even still leading the task force if the chiefs think he's a potential traitor, by chance or choice?
For more than an hour, he's unable to concentrate on anything else but the meeting; only then he's able to turn to other things on his list, various urgent messages waiting for his answer.
*
The strange meeting with McAllister and Uganda has a lingering effect on Pike. For the first time in months - aside from those when he'd been in the hospital or rehab - he decreases the numbers of receptions he attends, declining most invitations. The new-found time is mostly spent on walking home, taking a gulp of air. The city never sleeps but it's subdued activity at night, localized in certain quarters and around certain hot spots. The routes Pike takes are rather empty, his lonely steps resounding between the high buildings. He's almost at his apartment house when he notices a figure seated on a low wall.
"Chris…" the figure says as he's closer, reaching out for him.
"Alain?" Surprised, Pike helps up the man; he can't remember having told his ex where exactly he lived, but that's secondary now. In the low light he checks Alain's face - there's a gash above one eye, a bit of blood on the lips. "Who beat you up?"
"Nobody," Alain mutters.
"Let's call the police," Pike says, but Alain immediately declines.
"No, don't. I'm fine."
"Like hell." Pike snorts. "Fine, let's get you up and we'll have a proper look at you."
It's a strange déja-vu when Alain first takes a shower, then sits on his couch in borrowed clothes, exhausted and quiet; not unlike Dael when he'd picked her up back then.
Adopting another stray? An ironic, ghostly voice sounding like Nogura's says in the back of his head. Pike shakes his head about the suggestion.
"Here, have a drink," he says and gives Alain a whiskey, sitting down on the other end of the couch with a coke for himself. "And then tell me about your trouble."
Alain's eyes are half-closed, one simply from swelling, the other because he's obviously drop-dead tired. The man winces as the alcohol burns on the broken skin of his lips. "It's nothing," he manages to say.
Pike sighs. "Don't even suggest you just happened to pass by my door when you got robbed by some random stranger. I'm not stupid."
"Please, Chris…" Alain tilts his head, looking absolutely done.
"All right," Pike downs his drink and gets up. He feels Alain's weary gaze resting on him as he walks out to get one of the extra bedding sets.
"You can sleep here tonight. The couch is comfortable." There are many empty beds, but they've got owners and Pike is disinclined to offer Alain any of them. "If you're hungry, help yourself in the kitchen. I'll go to bed."
He stalks out, and then lies awake for a full hour thinking about the strange fate that seems to have swept Alain back into his life. At least for one night, but well separated by doors and walls and Pike's absolute decision that he won't give his ex another chance to have an impact on his life.
*
The next morning, at the brutally early time Pike is used to getting up, Alain is still sound asleep on the couch, snoring away on his back with one arm curled around his chest. He looks relaxed but still rather beaten, and Pike, despite his original intention, can't find it in him to wake him up and show him out.
Pike briefly considers the security ramifications if Alain stayed here. Ever since letting Dael in his life, he'd upped security measures for his electronic devices in his apartment - they're just too far apart in rank, and most of his communications are strictly confidential, so his console and his PADDs are all on auto-lock the moment he walks away. Of course, there would be cabinets to go through but there's nothing really interesting in them, and he can't see Alain stealing anything from him.
Though, what did he really know about the Alain of today, the one who's going through a divorce and obviously has someone after him?
Pike compromises and puts a paper note next to Alain.
I'm at the office. The main door is locked. Give me a call if you need to leave before I'm back.
He doesn't feel at ease leaving Alain alone, but what else could he do?
*
"Sir, would you have the time to meet me in my office today?" Commander T'Sel of the JAG Department asks him over the line, and while Pike barely has a spare minute in his schedule, dealings with this department are better done as quickly as possible. They decide to meet an hour before his lunch break with Asimov, and he skips one of the task force meetings for it, making Thelin his deputy. Esteban wouldn't like that but Pike had mostly stopped caring about Esteban's preferences in things.
He walks to T'Sel's office which is located in the midst of the academy grounds, enjoying the breath of fresh air on the way. The Vulcan is waiting for him, giving him a salute before offering him a chair. He sits down, bracing himself for whatever might come.
"A complaint has been filed against you, sir," T'Sel says without ado.
"What for?" Pike says calmly.
"For conduct unbecoming in relation with a civilian member of the academy."
Having expected something in relation with Dael or Esteban, Pike raises his brows in confusion. "A civilian member?" He goes through the people he's working with but comes up with a blank.
"Yes. The person reported that you have threatened her regarding her contact with your partner Dael. That you implied that if she doesn't keep away from her, you'd take measures against her within Starfleet."
Pike shakes his head. "I have no clue who or what you are talking about."
"The event the person relates to was five point three months ago."
He searches his memory, and then, at last, it clicks. "Roxanne."
T'Sel tilts her head. "So there has been a conversation between you and Mrs. Reef."
"Mrs. Reef was a friend of Dael and was strongly opposed to our relationship. We only met once in person, which resulted in this conversation. Mrs. Reef was adamant that due to our difference in age and rank, our relationship could be nothing but unbalanced. Obviously, I don't share this opinion, and neither does Dael. For all I know, they rarely have contact nowadays - not because I intervened, but because Dael was tired of Mrs. Reef's opposition to her relationship with me."
It's such an old story that Pike almost can't believe it's coming up again. What the hell did the woman think to file a complaint about their short conversation after all this time?
"So you would not only deny that anything worth of an official complaint has happened between you, but you would imply that Mrs. Reef's motivation for filing is of a personal nature and driven by a human emotion such as jealousy?"
"Yes. Unfortunately, Dael is not available to testify about her relationship with Mrs. Reef at the moment, as she's on her first mission and unattainable."
"Yes, we are aware of that," T'Sel says. "We are also aware that the cadet has moved in with you." She makes a pregnant pause.
"And?" Pike asks.
"Mrs. Reef has stated a concern that you would isolate Dael from her fellow classmates, either by design or by the relationship per se. Cadet Dael has stopped working at the job you once secured for her, and it seems that she is rather isolated within her academy year."
"She was getting mobbed by fellow classmates," Pike states. "Something that has hopefully stopped by now."
"After an intervention by you."
"Are we going to support bullying at the academy nowadays?" Pike says warily, unsure where T'Sel is going with this. "This intervention was more than overdue."
"It may have been wiser to use official channels to intervene on her behalf."
"Maybe, but I was eyewitness to an act of harassment and couldn't just stand by. I've been a CO for thirty years, do you expect me to walk away and file a complaint later?"
"The academy is not your ship, sir," T'Sel says. "And the cadets are not your responsibility."
"This one is," Pike says stiffly. "Frankly, I'm tired of discussions like these. People either criticize me for doing too little or too much for Dael - there's just no way for me to do the right thing. I don't know why Roxanne brings up that old discussion now, I didn't threaten her in any way. And I don't know why you'd take the developments between Dael and me, that we're living together and having a stable, publicly known relationship, and try to bring it up against me. What do you want from me?"
"I don't want anything from you, sir. It is my duty to follow up on complaints that are filed against officers. It is not, as humans might put it, a personal witch hunt."
"I understand," Pike says, roping in his misguided annoyance. "So what will you do about this?"
"We will put the further proceedings on hold until Cadet Dael is returned and ready for an interview." T'Sel presses a few buttons on the keyboard. "I am inclined to accept your explanation, but it poses the question why Mrs. Reef would file that complaint now."
Because it damn looks as if the world at large is up to ruin my career, Pike thinks. "I don't know," he says. "I'll take my leave now," he adds as he leans forward to get up, giving T'Sel a chance to stop him which she doesn't use.
"Thank you for coming so quickly, sir," the Vulcan states as she accompanies him to the door of her office. "You will hear from us."
Pike goes back to his office, but between this conversation and the lingering problem with Alain in his mind, he develops a splitting headache. He calls in sick and goes home, leaving his various canceled appointments to his assistant for re-schedule. The guy's probably going to fuck up half of them, as usual, but who cares.
*
Onto Part 7
Her room is kept in light blue, with only a few white curtains taking the edges of the room's corners. Her bed is low on the floor, with some cushions and pillows in egg shell pastel. The only thing in abundance here are candles.
"A strange name, Ash," Pike says as he checks her license which is made out in the same name.
"I was inspired by the saga about a bird called Phoenix," Ash says as she takes her license from him and stows it away again.
"But it's never really about his ashes, only about his rebirth," Pike says, but she doesn't seem inclined to explain her choice.
"I'll prepare the tea." She glides off into a tiny kitchen corner without asking for his preferences, leaving him to meander through the room for another moment. There isn't a book or PADD to see; the room is bare of any real personal items.
"You're living here?" he asks when she gives him a cup of tea. It's not his usual beverage but it fits the atmosphere.
"Yes, this is my home," she says.
"It's so - naked."
"Everything we own is just an illusion," she says and lets her tunic slip down her stick-thin body, stepping out of it in the nude. "Only this is real." With one hand, she reaches up to his face and cradles his chin, and a wave of empathic concern floods his blood stream, hitting him like a hot desert wind. He takes a surprised breath, his knees going weak in a way that has nothing to do with his brain.
"Only we are real, here, now, together." He doesn't resist when she pulls him into a kiss, her lips surprisingly cool, her tongue flickering into his mouth as he opens to her and melts away.
Soon he's out of clothes and curled around her on her comfy bed, reveling in the growing peace of mind that she brings just by touching him. Maybe the stories about Deltans absorbing pain with their empathy are true after all.
"Why do you work here?" he asks nevertheless, slightly spoiling the moment. He'd seen her license and rationally knows that this is her choice, which is fine by him, but he can't help wondering if she couldn't make something more sensible with her life.
She strokes his hand that rests on her flat stomach without answering.
"Please. I'd love to know."
"Why, do you want to rescue me?" she says softly.
"Do you want to get rescued?"
"Not like humans think," she says and gets out of bed. She exchanges some burned-down candles with new ones before turning back to him. "On Delta, I'm the object of pity; on Earth, I'm the object of envy. I prefer the latter."
Pike is struck from her words and their implications. Yet another girl living between cultures, and just as torn, obviously.
"I also think that this world has not enough compassion," Ash adds more softly as she kneels down on the bed next to him. "So much pain in you all… I can see why some think you are less… evolved." She takes the edge off her statement by leaning forward and kissing along his throat and down to his chest, gently tonguing his nipples. When he closes his eyes, he could almost pretend that this is Dael, but thinking of her brings back the news about her delay, and with it another bout of helpless frustration.
"Shhh." Ash puts two fingers on his chin. "Look at me." It's strange to see her face, so similar in its anorexic youth and yet so different because her skin is white like china, flawless. He reaches up and palms her cheek, drawing one thumb over her bottom lip.
"Tell me about her," she says.
He sighs. "I'd rather not. It wouldn't change a thing anyway." His mind might still be a little unwilling but his cock isn't, and he's ready to follow its lead if it means getting rid of his thoughts for a while. She catches on his mood and curls her hand around his hard-on with a few firm strokes before going down on him.
When he closes his eyes this time, he thinks of nothing but the arousing touch of a pair of lips.
*
He dreams about something sweet and hot that he doesn't remember the second he opens his eyes, but the smile on his lips lingers as he laces, still half-asleep, around the body at his side. Runs his hand around a tiny waist and up a flat chest, caressing a soft nipple on the way before drifting down again.
A moment later he awakes fully and realizes in the light of dawn that despite the similarities to his dream, the skinny being in his arms isn't Dael but Ash, a half-Deltan he had met for the first time last evening. Who'd been wonderful and able to get him out of his fucking depressed state, and on top of that had invited him to stay for the night. It's been the best sleep he's had for a while, but he shouldn't overtax the invitation, he guesses, and retreats a little from her body. Besides, he really should go home first before hitting the admiralty.
She's still half-asleep but her hand reaches back and touches him, firm enough to stop him from leaving. Angling up one leg, her pelvis curves against him in an unspoken invitation. When he doesn't take it up, she whispers, "Don't leave yet."
"You tell that to every guy?" he whispers back, immediately annoyed about his stupid answer but she only pats his leg.
"Every being I let stay overnight." Her foot glides along his lower leg, and he reaches around, stroking her almost nonexistent breasts.
"I bet there are many…" he says, and starts pressing kisses on her shoulder.
She doesn't answer, only intensifies her own touches. He takes her from behind, and she's beautifully tight and it feels almost as dirty as when he does that with Dael. He comes much faster than he wants to, and draws out with the same bad conscience as last night when she'd told him that Deltans don't have orgasms like humans do so he shouldn't concern himself with her pleasure. She'd feel enough from him.
His release brings both closure and a strange feeling of disconnecting, and he takes a shower all by himself and then dresses up. She puts on a bathrobe to lead him down the stairways, her hand lightly in his.
"Where's John?" he asks the Orion women who sit closely together on a couch in a kind of living room, watching some music vids.
"He left a while ago," one says. When he asks about paying, they shake their heads; it's all been settled already. They offer to call him a cab but he'd let himself get beamed home after a little walk, so he declines it.
Ash brings him to the door, and in the pale morning light, she looks like a mythical creature lost in the reality of the modern city - a fairy without wings. They exchange another kiss, and he embraces her for a moment, whispering a thank you in her ear. She only nods, eyes soft on him.
"How would you want to get rescued?" he says as he's already out of the door, turning back to her. She looks down at him from her three steps above with an otherworldly smile and opens her mouth for an answer when steps draw close and silence her. They briefly gaze at the passerby; it's a middle-aged woman of slightly darker complexion, and Pike has a sudden moment of deja-vu, as if he'd met her before. But then the woman passes them with only a brief, albeit sharp glance and vanishes in the distance.
Ash draws the bathrobe a little tighter around her body, a light shiver running through her. "Only a miracle could rescue me," she says. Before Pike can ask for an explanation, she adds, "I never let anyone stay with me all night before."
"Oh," he says a little dumbfounded. "Then why me?"
"Because you are hoping for a miracle too," she says and places a kiss on his forehead before she takes a step back and closes the door to him.
Pike sighs. He dislikes riddles, especially when delivered by races that claim to be superior to humans. Walking away over the grey pavement, though, his strange feelings both intensify and dissipate in the cool morning air. Everything is unreal - the night, Ash, her words - the only reality is the world he returns to, a world of meetings and messages and a species out there with every intention to destroy all that they have, their diversity, their humanity.
Just the things he'd celebrated tonight - the things that are worth living for.
*
When he hits his office, freshly showered and in a clean uniform, the lingering misgivings he'd had about the night vanish in the light of his markedly increased mood. In a way, he'd never thought about paying for sex because there are many methods to get it for free, but he doesn't regret this particular visit and sends Farnham a hearty thank-you message. With his new-found peace of mind, he's able to sit through three rather tiring meetings without zooming out or getting annoyed, which is a large improvement compared to the last weeks.
The day passes productively, and they're so well within schedule that they consider moving the Pathfinder launch forward. Pike and Thelin work on checking the possibility all evening, and it's already past midnight when they part, the draft of the new plan delivered to the console of every team member.
Once he hits his bed, he lazily jerks off with Dael in mind, sparing a few thoughts for Ash when he drifts into sleep, already wondering if he should visit her again in a few days. Considering her positive impact on his life, it might be just what the doctor orders… albeit not his doc, maybe, Pike thinks half wistfully, half amused.
*
The first meeting the next morning is about their rescheduling, and despite everyone agreeing on the plan, there's a strange shift in the atmosphere compared to the day before. Esteban is tight-lipped and doesn't speak a lot, except in moments when he feels compelled to take a strong role as devil's advocate.
The team soon decides to launch a month earlier than originally planned, and Pike sends the good news right to Nogura's desk. At the end of the meeting, when everyone walks out, Pike calls after Esteban.
"Captain - please stay for a moment." They'd already had rocky times between them, and he doesn't need a second round of that with the young captain.
Esteban freezes. "Sir?" he says roughly and turns around, making a few steps back towards the table with his arms stiffly at his sides.
Pike gets up and walks around his desk to face Esteban. "What's the matter with you today, Esteban?"
"Nothing, sir," the captain replies, but his clenched jaw and hunched shoulders belie his words.
"Did I do something wrong again, something that goes against your beliefs?" Pike says, more sarcastically than he wants to. It has a phenomenal effect, though, as Esteban's eyes blaze at him in flaring anger.
"You're asking that? You really don't have an ounce of dignity left, sir."
Pike straightens. "Feel free to speak your mind - not that you seem to need an invitation anyway," he states.
"You bought a girl."
First surprised, then annoyed, Pike rolls his eyes at the old-fashioned statement. "And you would think that why?" he inquires coolly.
"My sister passed the two of you when you left the brothel yesterday morning. She's a social worker in that area."
Esteban's morals really come right down to the nineteenth century, and his whole family seems to be like that. "If anything, I booked a legal service. Nobody pressured into anything. Any problems with that?"
"Why should I have a problem with you fucking a kid that could be your granddaughter?" Esteban says scathingly.
"She's of age and licensed. Her papers were fine."
"She's Deltan. By their counting, she's only fifteen."
Pike briefly startles but then shakes his head. "She's an Earth citizen; her papers here are all that counts." It's impossible to keep track of the various legislative systems within Federation space; everyone's using the system of the planet he's officially living on.
Esteban makes a step forward, his face bright red. "You always have a good explanation for your actions, don't you? You'd always find a way to explain why you need to fuck someone, be it a guy or a cadet or an underage prostitute. It's bad enough that you're renting out your girlfriend to Kirk -"
At this point, Pike's fist neatly connects with Esteban's jaw, sending the captain sprawling to the floor.
"Your presumptions are incredible," Pike says white-faced, fists balled.
"You think you're an honorable man, but you're nothing like that," Esteban splutters and gets up on one elbow, wiping blood from his face. "You're a disgrace to all of the admiralty, and I'll make sure you'll get removed before you can ruin any more people."
"We'll see who'll end where," Pike states icily, rubbing his hurting knuckles.
There's a sound at the door, and they both turn their heads to find Pike's assistant clearing his throat. "Sir - a visitor for you."
"Not now," Pike says harshly.
"It's D'Kxthe, the Secretary of Defense," his assistant says, and jerks his head towards the anteroom.
There's no good way to send one of the highest-ranking Federation officials away, so Pike gives in. "Get out of here, Esteban," he snaps, pulling himself together. "We'll have words later."
The captain hurries up and leaves, holding one hand to his bleeding face.
Heaven knows what D'Kxthe might think of them now, but at least Pike is able to shake the neuter's hand with a straight face, accepting courtly congratulations for the updated Pathfinder schedule on behalf of the team.
*
It takes Pike twenty agonizing minutes until D'Kxthe departs. Once the neuter is out of the door, he tries to call Esteban, but to no avail. Rather sure where the captain has gone, he rushes over to Nogura's office. From the way the assistants stare at him, Esteban's appearance has left quite an impression.
"He's inside, I guess?" Pike says, a rhetoric question, and walks into Nogura's office without waiting for being announced. Esteban jumps out of his chair, half raising his fists. Pike doesn't feel much like fighting, but he wouldn't mind give the bastard another punch either, so he gives him a deathly glare.
"Gentlemen!" Nogura admonishes them sharply. "Captain, please wait outside for a moment."
Ducking his head, Esteban passes behind Pike, keeping his defensive posture until he's out of the room. The door snaps close.
"Sir," Pike says extremely formally, "I don't know what Captain Esteban told you but I was strongly provoked."
Nogura waves at him. "Sit down, Chris. Please."
Pike stiffly takes the chair that had just been deserted by Esteban.
"That's a pretty mess the two of you created," Nogura says. "Until Esteban's stormy arrival here, I had supposed that everything worked fine between the two of you. Just this morning, your new Pathfinder launch date caused a little sensation. It's the first project in decades to be finished earlier than planned. So I was quite surprised to learn about the captain's problems with you."
"They are personal problems," Pike says. "A personal aversion to Kirk because of an old story in which he was not personally involved. A misguided obsession to protect Dael and others from my presumably bad influence. He's unable to accept that my lifestyle might be different to his."
Nogura eyes him, gaze unreadable. "Did you sleep with that Deltan escort?"
"Half-Deltan," Pike corrects him. "Yes, I did. A friend wanted to do me a favor. I checked her papers before we did anything; she's definitely legal, and the house she's working for has a good reputation."
Nogura sighs. "Legal isn't necessarily the same as legitimate, Chris. Considering the various articles that hit the press since you got together with Dael, a story about you paying for sex with a young woman of debatable age -"
"It's not debatable; she's of age on Earth," Pike says annoyed.
"- of debatable age," Nogura repeats flatly, "would give the public the sad impression that certain Starfleet admirals only think with their dicks."
Pike frowns and opens his mouth, but Nogura is faster.
"Also - is it true that you encouraged Dael to work in a night club?"
"Yes. Even worse," Pike states challenging, "I was the one who organized the job for her because she needed one, and it worked just fine. The positive effect was visible in her various class results, feel free to look it up."
"You realize, though, that the impression an outsider would get -"
Pike raises his chin belligerently. "I never did anything illegal. It might not look good in your precious headlines, but it's not forbidden. You of all people should know that I do my best to support Dael. Esteban's insinuation that I somehow forced Dael to get together with Jim is laughable. They formed a connection based on their personal experiences months before Dael and I even got together as a couple."
Nogura raises a hand, gesturing him to calm down. "I believe you. I would never have allowed this relationship if I hadn't been sure that it would be in Dael's interest. Though I still have misgivings once in a while, I tried my best to explain my decision to Esteban. I know that he insulted not just you but your partners, so your punch was understandable. Though I'd really prefer an officer like you to have more control over his reactions."
Pike balls his fists. "I won't apologize. He keeps judging my private life by his outdated standards. He knows nothing of my lifestyle, and just as I wouldn't tell him how to raise his children, he shouldn't see fit to advise me about my partnerships and sexual life."
"Agreed," Nogura says. "However, you are both very important for the task force, and I don't want to lose either of you. So we need to find some sort of solution."
"I'm not sure I can work with him ever again," Pike says.
"Funny, he said the same," Nogura mutters and shakes his head. "Just a few more months, Chris, then he'll be in space."
"As you said, he insulted not just me but my partners, who are currently not able to defend themselves."
"He's willing to apologize for his words."
Pike tilts his head, rubbing over one eyebrow. "Is he?" he says in barely hidden disbelief.
"Yes," Nogura repeats. "He's aware that he's gone overboard, and as I said, I explained some things about Dael to him."
Pike leans back, taking a deep breath. "I'm not happy with that solution. I really don't want to work with someone who thinks I'm a disgrace to the admiralty."
"After the latest article with that picture of Dael and you in a rather indecent position," Nogura says serenely, "others have stated similar opinions about you to me. He's not alone with this judgment, Chris."
Pike flushes, remembering the rumors he'd once overhead in an admiralty restroom. Adding it all together, the truths and the lies, his reputation and public image have definitely taken a dive by now.
"I really would prefer you keeping out of the headlines for a while," Nogura keeps going. "Not the least because your work is definitely not ready for the headlines, and being so visible makes you a potentially interesting target."
"It's not like I try to get into the news," Pike says stiffly.
"You're not trying very hard to avoid it either," Nogura says, just a tad accusingly. After a brief pause, he says, "I want you and Esteban to work together for the remaining time. Do you think you can do that, if he apologizes?"
Realizing that Nogura isn't willing to remove Esteban from the task force, Pike knows that he could either accept them working together in the near future, or he would be the one who'd have to resign from his position - and he's not ready for that, now less than ever as it would look as if Esteban's accusations had been valid.
"If he apologizes, I'll accept it," Pike says, his chest aching from the frustration he forcefully bottles up.
"Good." Nogura turns to call and order for Esteban to be sent in.
Esteban walks in, his back ramrod straight. The wound had stopped bleeding, obviously sealed with synthoskin. "Sir," he says stiffly with hands linked behind his back, looking only at Nogura.
"As I just told Admiral Pike, I want the two of you to keep working together until the Pathfinder launch," the old man says. "Despite your personal problems, your collaboration at work has been extremely fruitful and Starfleet doesn't have the time or inclination to substitute either of you with someone else."
"I understand," Esteban says. It's clear that the captain is as unsatisfied with Nogura's decision as Pike is; but it seems to be one of those moments in life where following orders means shutting up and biting the bullet.
"Before you can return to work, the admiral demands an apology. He's understandably irritated by the insinuations you brought up, which have no root in reality."
Esteban clears his throat and turns to face Pike. "I apologize for insulting your partners and you," he says tonelessly. "I've come to understand that it's been the conscious choice of all people involved to enter this uncommon relationship, and that no pressure of any kind had been exerted. I apologize for insinuating otherwise, and this way sullying the honor of fellow Starfleet officers."
It takes quite an effort from Pike, but at last he manages to get the reply unstuck from his throat. "Apology accepted." He goes as far as extending his hand, and Esteban takes it visibly reluctantly, shaking it with a weak grip.
"I understand that both of you have different beliefs but do not let this get in the way of your extremely important work," Nogura says gently as they're ready to leave. "Many of our best teams are formed by people of very diverse backgrounds."
"Yes, sir," Pike says, eyes straight and jaw tight. "Thank you for your advice, sir." Esteban mumbles something similar, and then they walk out, the assistants completely failing at not looking at them. Only in the corridor do the two men exchange a gaze.
"Sorry about that," Pike says with a nod towards Esteban's jaw. "Not my standard reaction, but…"
Esteban shrugs, his eyes guarded and a little hostile. "It seems to have been justified."
"We once agreed that our differences in opinion should not influence our working relationship," Pike says, trying to be friendly. "We both know now that's easier said than done, but I'm still willing to try."
"We don't have any alternatives, do we?" Esteban says stiffly. "See you tomorrow, sir." He salutes and walks away with long steps.
"Obviously not," Pike mutters quietly, filing away the captain's behavior. It doesn't look as if Esteban is very inclined to let it rest, having made up his mind about Pike's unworthiness.
With a muttered curse, Pike walks back to his office, keeping himself busy until late in the night and then working some of his tension out of his system in the admiralty's gym.
*
It's an uneasy truce between them, forced on them by Nogura, but it works better than Pike would've expected. It possibly shows that the working relationship between Esteban and him had never really recovered from their first conflict and that failed dinner invitation.
It was a mistake that he'd never told Dael that Esteban truly believed he'd forced her to get together with Jim - she would probably have been able to clear up this misunderstanding. But she's still unattainable, and even if the Enterprise wasn't under radio silence, Kirk's word would never be enough for Esteban.
Esteban and he briefly confer about officially informing the task force, but then decide against it. The members on Earth already asked them in person, and the UP team doesn't need to get involved. The task force had been running smoothly despite their strained interaction; it is best to keep it at that.
The admiralty's rumor mill is in full swing, but at least it's not just about Pike this time.
*
Two days later a call comes in via his private number at midday. Pike excuses himself from the colleague he'd been walking with and steps aside.
"Alain here."
Pike turns, facing the wall. "Alain," he says, having quite forgotten about his ex over the developments of the last days. "You're calling about the apartment?"
"Yes." There's a pause. "Does your offer still stand?"
"Yes."
"I'm rather out of credits."
"It's been uninhabited for months. I'd be relieved to know someone's taking care of it for a while."
Alain's voice is rough when replying, "I don't want a handout, Chris."
Pike bends forward, forehead almost against the wall. "Fine. Three months for free, then we'll agree on a rent." When hesitant silence answers, he adds, "You're doing me a favor, Alain. Really. I've been wrecking my brain about what to do with the apartment, because I didn't want to sell it but I didn't want to rent it out to strangers either. So I'd happily shove the caretaking into your lap in exchange for living there." The silence lingers for another moment, just the sound of breathing in the line, then at last an "Okay." It sounds forced.
"Good. Let's meet at the apartment, 2100."
"Okay," Alain says and ends the call. That doesn't sound enthusiastic either, but Pike has no illusion about his ex-lover's situation; Alain would never have taken up his offer if not in dire need. He's still glad he can do something for Alain, strange as it might sound. He has got the means to be generous, so why the hell not?
He puts away the communicator and lifts his head, taking a deep breath. He'd have to go to his former apartment and see if everything's presentable, and he'd better do this right now. Stepping aside Pike seeks a good place to beam out when McAllister and Esteban pass him, speaking animatedly until the moment they see him.
"Gentlemen," Pike says with a nod, and they salute him quickly before wandering off together in silence. He looks after them with a strange feeling.
*
After a brief detour in the afternoon, Pike returns to his old apartment in the evening, with some general equipment and bed sheets. Truth be told, the place isn't really ready for anyone to live in it. Most furniture is gone, only the returned bed, a few small cabinets and an old chair have remained. The kitchen at least is complete and usable, the fridge already powering up. But it's a far cry from homey.
And now it's strange to stand on his old, tiny balcony and look over the city at night, waiting for the man who'd caused him quite some pain back then. They'd lived here together for a year, and if it had gone according to Pike's plans, they would've stayed together for many more, but that didn't happen. He's is more than glad when the bell rings, tearing him out of his trip down memory lane.
"Hey," Alain says when he opens to him. Pike eyes the small bag Alain carries.
"Just that? Not sure that's enough to get comfortable here."
"I'll be fine," Alain replies and puts the bag down in the corridor. Pike shows him around, noting Alain's tiredness. His ex looks a lot more exhausted than when he'd met him on the beach.
"Everything all right?" Pike asks when they're in the kitchen.
"Yeah, okay," Alain says. It's an obvious lie but it's not Pike's business to fix Alain's life, aside of the support he can easily give with this arrangement.
"I need to leave, got some work waiting for me," Pike says.
Alain smiles slightly. "Still work above all."
Pike feels annoyed; he'd stomached Alain's eternal criticism of Starfleet back then, but today it's not his exes' business any longer. "If you need anything, give me a call," he says coolly and leaves.
He scolds himself on the way home; getting annoyed about Alain would mean to give his ex a power over his mood that the man doesn't deserve anymore. Pike's life is okay, his current relationships successful; Alain could shove his criticism where the sun doesn't shine.
His own apartment is cool and empty, and Pike switches on twice as many lights as he needs, just to make it look livelier. He briefly toys with the idea to contact Ash, but with Nogura's warning voice in mind, he doesn't.
*
Burying himself into his growing backlog, Pike tackles more of the outstanding reports from the scientific experts, but whenever he brings up new background information on the Borg, it's usually discarded as not relevant for the current Pathfinder upgrade. It becomes a grinding task that adds to his general frustration - a feeling that drives him both to the gym and to a higher level of whiskey consumption, a yellow tinge on his med app on more evenings than is good. He also doesn't sleep very well.
"Everything okay on your side?" Cho asks him one evening in a comm call, her gaze resting on his probably tired face in concern. "Your health…?"
"I'm fine, thanks," Pike lies.
Aside from Ash, he also vaguely thinks of calling Alain when he receives a message from the same.
How about coming over for dinner on Friday? I could cook for us. ~ Alain
Pike ponders his answer for two days before he declines. He might feel fucking alone, but not bad enough to hang out with his ex.
*
"Why don't you come over for the weekend?" Tom asks him in a call to his office on Friday. "We could go riding together. I know that you miss it."
"I'm busy," Pike says evasively. Family time wouldn't be the solution either; it mostly reminds him of the last time he'd been there with Dael.
"Come on, old man. The world won't end over a weekend trip."
Pike thinks of the latest analyses on his desk; more on the speed and agility of Borg ships, their current weaponry and technological prognosis, some of the details in old Spock's stories that slowly make sense in the big picture. "It might," he says.
"Uh." Tom draws a face. "You're just gloomy because Dael isn't around."
Pike shrugs. "She'll be back in a few weeks. Might as well spend my time on something useful."
Tom soon gives up over the finality in his voice and hangs up.
Pike faintly remembers that it's been part of his plan to drive out to Tom's farm more often, but really, he doesn't have the peace of mind right now to vanish for a few days. And as if to prove his point, there's a call on the line from Utopia Planitia, an engineer coming back to him with detailed, sensible questions for whose answers Pike would have to do some research.
No, he couldn't just walk away from this.
*
A week later, the Enterprise is still under radio silence like quite a few other ships, rumors have it, and Pike grows increasingly concerned about the current Ship Operations plans. He tries to speak with Nogura but the old man mostly seems to be out of the building, and his office is less than helpful - which is no surprise after the showdown with Esteban.
Finally worn out by his frustrating work and sex life, he tries to call Farnham but nobody answers; they're either not there or don't answer his call. So against better judgment, he goes to a gay club and gets blown in a dark room by a nameless guy that smells nothing like Dael and feels nothing like the doc. He gets rather drunk too, for which he pays with a hangover for all the weekend, his med app accusingly disapproving as he lies on the bed and stares at the ceiling, not finding the energy to leave the house.
At last, he gives in and calls the house where Ash works.
"She's not here anymore," the woman on the other end of the line says.
"What do you mean? She moved to another house, or another city?"
There are whispers in the background, before the woman says, "I really can't tell you, sir. But if you need a Deltan…"
"No, thanks," Pike says and hangs up. It'd been that similarly strange combination that Dael has, fragility and vulnerability paired with inner strength and equanimity, that had attracted him to Ash. Well, and possibly her anorexic body, because he's got a strange conditioning by now. In any case - he can't imagine substituting her with anyone else.
He sends a message to Farnham, inquiring whether his friend knows anything about Ash's whereabouts.
"Time for lunch?" Farnham asks two days later, and they meet at a bistro they'd both never been to before. When they'd ordered, Farnham leans forward with a rather serious face.
"I don't see the Orions very often, so they didn't want to give me any information on the comm line. I drove there last night to ask about Ash's fate."
"What happened to her?" Pike asks in foreboding.
"Sorry to be the harbinger of bad news - but she died."
Pike involuntarily shuts his eyes. "No…" He opens them again, shaking his head incredulously. "What happened?"
"She had a rare form of cancer for which she'd been treated repeatedly. Whenever she could work, she did so, saying that sex made her feel alive. She appeared to be healed after her last hospital stay but she had a relapse two nights after we'd been there."
"Cancer," Pike repeats blankly. "So that's why she looked so undernourished."
"Yes." Farnham takes his hand, nudging it. "I'm sorry. If I had known that, I wouldn't have set you up with her."
"Why not?" Pike asks.
"Because it's damn depressing, that's what it is. Hell, it even depresses me and I didn't really talk to her aside of checking her out for you. She was so young. It's a shame."
Pike stares at the wall, thinking of Dael who's just as young and possibly just as endangered. Not by her own body, thankfully, but by the situation she's in, not the least because of Farnham.
"I've got something for you," his friend says and pulls away to retrieve something out of his pocket. It's a white Origami butterfly.
"It's from the Japanese girl who lived two rooms away from Ash. It seem Deltans have that tradition that when someone dies, the visitors receive a token of their connection to the deceased. The girl wanted to honor that tradition, so she made some butterflies. Offered me one too but I didn't feel like taking it."
Pike rotates the piece of art between his fingers. It fits sadly well to Ash, who turns even more into a fairy in his head now than before the news of her premature death.
"She wrote Ash's full name inside," Farnham adds.
Suddenly, a well-known face appears over Farnham's shoulder. Startled, Pike snaps out of his thoughts and leans back, hiding the butterfly - he definitely doesn't want to give McAllister anything interesting to report to Nogura. Moments later, McAllister passes them with a woman at his arm and vanishes towards the first floor, apparently oblivious of them.
They eat in silence, the sandwich tasting like cardboard in Pike's mouth. He leaves half of it on the plate when they part, the butterfly secured in his pocket.
*
When he gets home that night, the first thing he does is carry the paper butterfly into the living room. He stops in front of Dael's artistic body shots. They had been hanging there for so long, sometimes he doesn't even notice them anymore. But now he looks at them fully, with a wistful smile remembering how she'd given them to him back then when they'd only been mentor and protégé, when he'd had no idea of how important she'd be to him one day. Her tattoos look so beautiful in them, but it's all about darkness and suggestions, half-hidden patterns in the shadows. Optically, Dael is a bit of a dark mirror to the fairy without wings that Ash had been, but in the end, both girls are neither demons nor angels, just kids trying to find their own way in a world that had not really welcomed them.
Ash hadn't made it, but as wise men say, nobody's truly dead as long as they're remembered, and he'd definitely remember her. He could even open the butterfly and read her true name, but like with Dael, it'd been the girl's choice to change it, so who is he to question the wisdom of her decision? Bad enough that he'd gone after Dael's hidden past lately; some things are meant to be left in the dark.
It's hard to find a good place for the Origami art as he's unwilling to pierce its wings with pins. At last he places it on the top of Dael's framed shot against the wall, an unstable position but it should hold unless there's an earthquake, and then he'd have more important problems than a fallen butterfly.
Farnham calls him twice over the next days, but Pike doesn't feel like answering.
*
On the surface, the task force keeps running smoothly and they're able to tick off quite a few items over the weeks.
Another round of orbit tests gets scheduled, and Pike only gives the list a brief look-over, ready to send it out - but then he stops. There's a test listed for the new dredger torpedo, as the engineers named it, a nasty little beast that drills holes into the enemy's ship. Nastier, though, is the fact that the same torpedo had failed its unit tests twice already, and Pike couldn't remember that it had passed a third test.
And actually, when he looks it up, it had not only failed all tests, but they'd also explicitly decided to leave it out of this testing round. Checking the document revisions, he finds Esteban's name tagged to the faulty entry.
"Captain Esteban - a word with you, please," Pike calls him, and minutes later, the captain appears.
Pike gestures at his screen. "Captain - care to explain to me why you scheduled the dredger torpedo for orbit tests when it hasn't passed the ground tests yet?"
Esteban faces him squarely. "It will be going through its third unit test at end of the week, and the signs are good that it will pass. If we don't schedule it for this round, it'll take another month before it's even going to be considered. This torpedo is an extremely valuable attack weapon and we'd be stupid to keep it out of the mission because of missing an arbitrarily defined timeslot by a few days."
"All enhancements are subjected to the same timetables - which, by the way, were defined by us collectively. Just as we all together made the decision to leave this torpedo out of the next orbit tests. You cannot simply decide which decisions to adhere to and which not," Pike states, controlled.
"You made the team decide that it should be left out."
Pike raises a brow. "Oh, I didn't know that the other officers are simply there to let my decision through on a nod. I'm sure Commander Cho would be surprised that you see her like this."
"Cho is an old friend of yours, she usually shares your opinions."
"Adding insult to insubordination," Pike says, pretending to be amused when he actually feels far from that. "Did you manipulate other test schedules to your liking?"
"No, sir," Esteban says stiffly.
Pike isn't sure he believes him, but it would be a hell of a lot of work to go through the past lists. "If you are unsatisfied with our decision, feel free to apply to our superiors. That is the official way to handle such disagreements. But if I find you violating another clear decision of the team, you'll be in serious trouble."
The captain nods sharply and stomps out.
*
Pike is not really surprised when a few days later, Cho calls him.
"Just got an addition to the orbit test listing - someone added the dredger torpedo to the tests. Didn't we agree that it's not yet ready?"
"We did, but Esteban had another opinion," Pike replies. "Who signed the order?"
"Nogura's office. A Commander Talas. Never heard of - him?"
"Her - she's one of the new Andorians."
"Never heard of her before," Cho concludes, a deep frown on her face. "I'm really concerned about Esteban's behavior. That's just bad style. Are there any problems between the two of you? I noticed that you tend to get angry with each other, and there had been rumors about a fight…?"
"Aside from him being someone who carries personal problems into professional relationships, we don't have a problem."
"Oh, damn. Maybe get him removed?" Cho suggests. "Not my usual preference for solving problems, but -"
"That's not my decision at the moment, actually," Pike says, and he can see it in her eyes that his message is interpreted correctly. "It was me who told him to address higher levels if he wanted to change our schedule. He obviously did, with success."
Cho shakes her head. "What's going on down there?" she asks concerned.
"Just a bit of 'fleet politics. The usual crap," Pike replies.
She looks doubtful. "Well, if you say so. I'm running out of time for now, but please, be careful." Cho signs off.
The dredger torpedo barely passes its third unit tests. When one of them prematurely explodes in orbit of Mars, Pike would be spiteful if not for the fact that two engineers are torn to pieces by it - this way, he mostly feels like a failure for not having insisted on getting the torpedo removed from the list.
Cho sends him an angry voice recording that sounds as if she'd been quite drunk, raving on about dumb HQ assholes who are willing to kill people for a goddamn deadline. She apologizes to him the next day, glad when he tells her he's deleted it. Pike badly regrets that he can't fall back on getting drunk anymore, and punches a hole into the sandbag of the admiralty's gym.
The tests proceed, and the deaths get chalked up as unfortunate accident.
*
On Tuesday morning, Pike is called to Nogura's office. Despite being a little tenser than he would've been in the past, he's also looking forward to seeing the old man. Maybe he could address Esteban's inclination to ignore the chain of command, but he'd have to word that very carefully. When he enters, however, only the commanders McAllister and Uganda are there.
"Please take a seat, Admiral," McAllister says, and he sits down opposite to Nogura's deputies. There's something of a disciplinary hearing in the air, though Pike wouldn't know why.
"What's the subject of this meeting?" he asks.
"How often did you attend receptions on Federation embassies over the last months?" Uganda asks back.
"Two or three times a week, maybe. The Federation is large…"
"You filed only few reports for these receptions. You know it's customary to write one about every single attendance?"
"Customary, but not mandatory," Pike says. "It's within the realm of personal judgment whether the events of the evening are worth a report of their own."
"So what events are not worthy to report, in your opinion?"
"Discussions about Andorian art, or Vulcan physiology? I'm not sure you'd want to read about green trots," Pike says a little amused.
"This isn't funny, Admiral," Uganda says with a frown. "You've attended forty-three events in the last months but filed reports only for twelve of them. Does that mean that all those evenings on which you spoke about the Borg have not been worth a report?"
"I never speak about the Borg, unless in very private moments and without going into detail," Pike says, straightening a little as he realizes what they're up to.
"And you also don't speak about the Borg weapons that are currently being developed on Utopia Planitia?"
"I don't. But I've become aware of the fact that rumors are spreading about our current plans. Various ambassadors have tried to pry information about it from me."
"Do you know where the rumors originated?"
"I suppose from the nations' own investigations. Everyone knows that most planets have their own intelligence forces that look into 'fleet plans. We've got a hundred people working on the project by now, it's bound to leak out over time."
"But none of this can be found in any report, no reference to which other planets seem to know about our plans," McAllister says.
"No," Pike admits. "I had a lot of work lately and didn't write as many reports as I probably should have."
They nod, but their stiff shoulders tell him that this isn't the end yet. McAllister thumbs through something on his PADD, then looks up at him.
"If we said we had information that you had been the leak through which other planets learned about the development, what would you say?"
"That that is a lie," Pike says instantly. "Who said that?" He wouldn't be surprised if this is Esteban's newest attempt to get rid of him.
McAllister ignores his question. "Maybe you had a weak moment, said something you shouldn't have."
"I've attended events for many months now, and yes, partly because of the Borg. We need to be prepared for war and we need allies for that in the Federation council. But I never divulged secret information."
"You said we need to prepare for war," Uganda says. "But since the Pathfinder refit plans, your opinion about that seems to have changed. Maybe it's in your best interest when other planets wouldn't want to engage in a war with the Borg."
Pike leans a little forward. "I remain concerned about the use of future Borg technology that is way out of synch with our actual technological progress on vessels that are supposed to engage the Borg pro-actively. We'll be carrying weapons into the space of an enemy who might have a much better grasp on them than we do," he says sharply. "I am not opposed to a militaristic conflict per se. I think it is likely and necessary to engage the Borg very early. Considering how smoothly the Pathfinder project runs, you should realize how laughable your criticism is."
He gets to his feet. "Enough of this. If you have reasons to accuse me of treason, then file them and arrange an official hearing, with the details in advance to my desk so that I can prepare a defense. Other than that, we're done here."
"This meeting was intended to find out just this," Uganda says.
"And what's your conclusion?" Pike asks.
"For the time being -" Uganda exchanges a gaze with his colleague, and McAllister nods - "we will refrain from further measures. However, please make sure to file reports of any attended events in the future, so that others may be able to learn from the information you gathered during them."
"Fine. I can do that. Good-bye." Pike turns on his heel and leaves, not waiting to be dismissed. He fumes as he gets back to his office, angry with himself for having left such an obvious spot open for criticism, but angrier and also quite a bit unsettled about the way he'd been asked about his activities. Is that what Nogura thinks about his work, that he'd become the weak spot in his team, the man who would speak about the wrong things? Why is he even still leading the task force if the chiefs think he's a potential traitor, by chance or choice?
For more than an hour, he's unable to concentrate on anything else but the meeting; only then he's able to turn to other things on his list, various urgent messages waiting for his answer.
*
The strange meeting with McAllister and Uganda has a lingering effect on Pike. For the first time in months - aside from those when he'd been in the hospital or rehab - he decreases the numbers of receptions he attends, declining most invitations. The new-found time is mostly spent on walking home, taking a gulp of air. The city never sleeps but it's subdued activity at night, localized in certain quarters and around certain hot spots. The routes Pike takes are rather empty, his lonely steps resounding between the high buildings. He's almost at his apartment house when he notices a figure seated on a low wall.
"Chris…" the figure says as he's closer, reaching out for him.
"Alain?" Surprised, Pike helps up the man; he can't remember having told his ex where exactly he lived, but that's secondary now. In the low light he checks Alain's face - there's a gash above one eye, a bit of blood on the lips. "Who beat you up?"
"Nobody," Alain mutters.
"Let's call the police," Pike says, but Alain immediately declines.
"No, don't. I'm fine."
"Like hell." Pike snorts. "Fine, let's get you up and we'll have a proper look at you."
It's a strange déja-vu when Alain first takes a shower, then sits on his couch in borrowed clothes, exhausted and quiet; not unlike Dael when he'd picked her up back then.
Adopting another stray? An ironic, ghostly voice sounding like Nogura's says in the back of his head. Pike shakes his head about the suggestion.
"Here, have a drink," he says and gives Alain a whiskey, sitting down on the other end of the couch with a coke for himself. "And then tell me about your trouble."
Alain's eyes are half-closed, one simply from swelling, the other because he's obviously drop-dead tired. The man winces as the alcohol burns on the broken skin of his lips. "It's nothing," he manages to say.
Pike sighs. "Don't even suggest you just happened to pass by my door when you got robbed by some random stranger. I'm not stupid."
"Please, Chris…" Alain tilts his head, looking absolutely done.
"All right," Pike downs his drink and gets up. He feels Alain's weary gaze resting on him as he walks out to get one of the extra bedding sets.
"You can sleep here tonight. The couch is comfortable." There are many empty beds, but they've got owners and Pike is disinclined to offer Alain any of them. "If you're hungry, help yourself in the kitchen. I'll go to bed."
He stalks out, and then lies awake for a full hour thinking about the strange fate that seems to have swept Alain back into his life. At least for one night, but well separated by doors and walls and Pike's absolute decision that he won't give his ex another chance to have an impact on his life.
*
The next morning, at the brutally early time Pike is used to getting up, Alain is still sound asleep on the couch, snoring away on his back with one arm curled around his chest. He looks relaxed but still rather beaten, and Pike, despite his original intention, can't find it in him to wake him up and show him out.
Pike briefly considers the security ramifications if Alain stayed here. Ever since letting Dael in his life, he'd upped security measures for his electronic devices in his apartment - they're just too far apart in rank, and most of his communications are strictly confidential, so his console and his PADDs are all on auto-lock the moment he walks away. Of course, there would be cabinets to go through but there's nothing really interesting in them, and he can't see Alain stealing anything from him.
Though, what did he really know about the Alain of today, the one who's going through a divorce and obviously has someone after him?
Pike compromises and puts a paper note next to Alain.
I'm at the office. The main door is locked. Give me a call if you need to leave before I'm back.
He doesn't feel at ease leaving Alain alone, but what else could he do?
*
"Sir, would you have the time to meet me in my office today?" Commander T'Sel of the JAG Department asks him over the line, and while Pike barely has a spare minute in his schedule, dealings with this department are better done as quickly as possible. They decide to meet an hour before his lunch break with Asimov, and he skips one of the task force meetings for it, making Thelin his deputy. Esteban wouldn't like that but Pike had mostly stopped caring about Esteban's preferences in things.
He walks to T'Sel's office which is located in the midst of the academy grounds, enjoying the breath of fresh air on the way. The Vulcan is waiting for him, giving him a salute before offering him a chair. He sits down, bracing himself for whatever might come.
"A complaint has been filed against you, sir," T'Sel says without ado.
"What for?" Pike says calmly.
"For conduct unbecoming in relation with a civilian member of the academy."
Having expected something in relation with Dael or Esteban, Pike raises his brows in confusion. "A civilian member?" He goes through the people he's working with but comes up with a blank.
"Yes. The person reported that you have threatened her regarding her contact with your partner Dael. That you implied that if she doesn't keep away from her, you'd take measures against her within Starfleet."
Pike shakes his head. "I have no clue who or what you are talking about."
"The event the person relates to was five point three months ago."
He searches his memory, and then, at last, it clicks. "Roxanne."
T'Sel tilts her head. "So there has been a conversation between you and Mrs. Reef."
"Mrs. Reef was a friend of Dael and was strongly opposed to our relationship. We only met once in person, which resulted in this conversation. Mrs. Reef was adamant that due to our difference in age and rank, our relationship could be nothing but unbalanced. Obviously, I don't share this opinion, and neither does Dael. For all I know, they rarely have contact nowadays - not because I intervened, but because Dael was tired of Mrs. Reef's opposition to her relationship with me."
It's such an old story that Pike almost can't believe it's coming up again. What the hell did the woman think to file a complaint about their short conversation after all this time?
"So you would not only deny that anything worth of an official complaint has happened between you, but you would imply that Mrs. Reef's motivation for filing is of a personal nature and driven by a human emotion such as jealousy?"
"Yes. Unfortunately, Dael is not available to testify about her relationship with Mrs. Reef at the moment, as she's on her first mission and unattainable."
"Yes, we are aware of that," T'Sel says. "We are also aware that the cadet has moved in with you." She makes a pregnant pause.
"And?" Pike asks.
"Mrs. Reef has stated a concern that you would isolate Dael from her fellow classmates, either by design or by the relationship per se. Cadet Dael has stopped working at the job you once secured for her, and it seems that she is rather isolated within her academy year."
"She was getting mobbed by fellow classmates," Pike states. "Something that has hopefully stopped by now."
"After an intervention by you."
"Are we going to support bullying at the academy nowadays?" Pike says warily, unsure where T'Sel is going with this. "This intervention was more than overdue."
"It may have been wiser to use official channels to intervene on her behalf."
"Maybe, but I was eyewitness to an act of harassment and couldn't just stand by. I've been a CO for thirty years, do you expect me to walk away and file a complaint later?"
"The academy is not your ship, sir," T'Sel says. "And the cadets are not your responsibility."
"This one is," Pike says stiffly. "Frankly, I'm tired of discussions like these. People either criticize me for doing too little or too much for Dael - there's just no way for me to do the right thing. I don't know why Roxanne brings up that old discussion now, I didn't threaten her in any way. And I don't know why you'd take the developments between Dael and me, that we're living together and having a stable, publicly known relationship, and try to bring it up against me. What do you want from me?"
"I don't want anything from you, sir. It is my duty to follow up on complaints that are filed against officers. It is not, as humans might put it, a personal witch hunt."
"I understand," Pike says, roping in his misguided annoyance. "So what will you do about this?"
"We will put the further proceedings on hold until Cadet Dael is returned and ready for an interview." T'Sel presses a few buttons on the keyboard. "I am inclined to accept your explanation, but it poses the question why Mrs. Reef would file that complaint now."
Because it damn looks as if the world at large is up to ruin my career, Pike thinks. "I don't know," he says. "I'll take my leave now," he adds as he leans forward to get up, giving T'Sel a chance to stop him which she doesn't use.
"Thank you for coming so quickly, sir," the Vulcan states as she accompanies him to the door of her office. "You will hear from us."
Pike goes back to his office, but between this conversation and the lingering problem with Alain in his mind, he develops a splitting headache. He calls in sick and goes home, leaving his various canceled appointments to his assistant for re-schedule. The guy's probably going to fuck up half of them, as usual, but who cares.
*
Onto Part 7