Reboot Fic: Shadowplay 1/9 (Draws XI) [Pike/Dael/Kirk/McCoy]
Title: Shadowplay (Draws XI)
Author: syredronning aka Acidqueen
Series: Reboot aka ST:XI aka AOS - Draws Series
Codes: Pike/Dael/Kirk/McCoy, Pike/OCs, Dael/OCs, various OCs and other pairings in passing
Rating: NC-17; partially gut-wrenching; kinky; unsafe sex practices; non-consensual drug use; mentions of rape and violence; mentions of underage sex; bullying/mobbing; questionable decisions; depression; relationships with large age differences, polygamy
Word count: Complete 83.000; this part 9.700
Author's Note: This is the direct sequel to Four Square. See the Draws series masterpost to catch up with all stories.
Full story at AO3
Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9
Thanks for the wonderful beta and helpful comments go to merisunshine36 (whose analysis rescued my wrangled plots), izzyfics and shagungu! All remaining flaws are solely mine.
Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek, I own my brain.
Summary: After their vacation with their men, many things change for Pike and Dael. He thinks he's ready for the new deal, but there may be more players than he realizes.
*** Act 1 ***
He dreams about something sweet and hot that he doesn't remember the second he opens his eyes, but the smile on his lips lingers as he curls, still half-asleep, around the body at his side, burying his nose into short hair that still smells of beach and sunlight. Slides his hand around a tiny waist and up her chest, caressing a soft nipple on the way before drifting down again.
There's a hitch in her breathing, then a yawn stifled by the pillow. Her hair tickles his nose as she moves into his touch, unfolding to his fingers that dip deeper, boldly going because he's learned he's welcome, even now when she's still mostly in the grasp of her own dreams. He doesn't know if they're sweet but he hopes it for her and maybe one day he'll manage to slip into them just as he slips into her body, effortless and organic. His moves are careful, a gentle rhythm that allows them to wake up slowly, the muscles in his legs and calf uncurling as they roll on, finally gathering speed. His lips glide along her shoulder, a hint of teeth and tongue as he nibbles her neck, setting a counterpoint to the fingers on her clit.
There's something adorably, unusually pliant in her this morning, something offering and inviting, and a surge of love runs through him, knowing that they've come this far, giving and taking without guilt and concern about the world around them. He adores her strength and determination that makes her push forward no matter how much adversity she's facing, and now he's learning to adore the part of her that wants a break for a moment. That part that wants to be held and claimed by him, that offers with so little reservation, making her open up and blossom under his caresses, sweet petals of youth. He dances with her, rides the wave of her arousal until it's his own, gives it back to her until they're one body, one soul, so wonderful, so complete, so unbelievably perfect.
Then it's over and they return to reality, her hand on his leg stroking slowly, airily, while summer rain starts outside, tiny drops hitting the sound-proof window. He opens it a little with a voice-order, but the incoming air is dusty and stale and what's been a perfect start of the day is slowly shifting as thoughts crawl in, unwelcome guests that come to stay. About to draw away, he stops as she whispers,
"And the rain falls, green as your blood, sweet as mine;
Honor made us choose and die; a sacrifice of birds."
"Huh?"
"Just something out of a well-known Romulan poem." Dael runs her fingertips along his hand, her face still mostly buried in the pillow.
"I hope it's okay when I'm not particularly fond of this image?" Pike mutters and leans over her, curving his palm around her cheek to make her look at him. "I've never been one to wax poetic but if I were, I'd cite something better fitting to gorgeous wake-up sex."
"It's actually a great love story but like most Romulan poems, it ends tragically." Her lips are a sweet red, her tattoos soft-edged on flushed skin, but her gaze is solemn, and something about her suddenly makes him feel insecure.
"Did I do anything wrong?" he asks concerned. "If I did -"
"No," she hastens to reply. "No. Just had a strange dream. I'm glad you woke me up." She captures his hand and places a kiss onto its palm before claiming his mouth, quickly chasing away his worries.
*
The good start of the Monday stays with him for a while, knowing that she's off to a class she likes, and having a message in his box from their men that they're only five hours away from the Enterprise and that they'd try to call them in a day or two. The coffee machine on his floor aims to please him with a perfect double espresso and the offices are still empty, leaving him time to deal with the pile of messages that have come in since he'd last been here, which had been the day of the big confrontation with Jim. He quickly moves on to some nicer memories, daydreaming a little while sorting the messages in the quadrant of important and urgent, forwarding anything that is neither to his assistant.
"Good morning, Chris," someone says, throwing Pike out of his concentration.
Why the hell can't the old man knock on doors like everyone else?
"Good morning, Heihachiro," he says and pushes a little away from his console to focus on his early visitor.
Nogura nods, walking into the room. "Glad to have you back. I hope you enjoyed your vacation."
"I enjoyed it more than I can say. Thanks for keeping them on Earth a little longer. We really appreciated it," Pike says heartfelt. There's a tiny itch on Nogura's face, something changing in the atmosphere as Nogura spreads one hand flat on the desk.
"I don't know how to start -" the man says slowly, before blurting out, by his standards - "I've always supported you although I wasn't in favor of the development between you and cadet Dael, but did you have to go as far as to enter them all as partners in your personal files? You realize that this will be a media feast once they find out, and they will."
"We knew what we were doing," Pike states coolly, a little surprised by the outbreak. "It's the logical thing to do when a relationship is serious. Is that a problem for you?"
"You had your big outing at Barnett's funeral, leaving little to guess about your relationship to the three. Couldn't that be enough? These partner entries for all of you - they make it look as if all of you sleep with each other," Nogura says.
Pike stares at him. "And?"
He can see Nogura's face flushing in a way he'd never seen before, realization and embarrassment inseparably mingled. No doubt Nogura has images of group orgies in mind now, and some of them might not be far from the truth.
"Is that all?" Pike asks.
With effort, Nogura finds his voice again. "Yes. See you at the meeting later."
Pike watches him leave, almost feeling a bit of pity for his shocked superior, but what the hell, they're not the first foursome in the history of mankind.
*
The day moves on quickly due to several meetings including a lengthy one of the core task force, and they take a late break at 1400 for lunch. Pike invites Esteban to come with him; now that they would be spending a considerable amount of time together over the Pathfinder refit, he'd like to get to know him better. His plan is slightly disrupted, though, as they walk over the academy grounds and Pike notices Dael within a group of students. At first he thinks it's just the dispersing crowd from her class but there's something in her stance that signals tension, something in the circle around her that's too dense to be good.
He doesn't know what's up, but he's got Kirk's voice in his ears, demanding that he should fucking do something and not just look away, so he slips a "be right back" to Esteban before marching right into the group, parting the six male and two female cadets like Moses did the Red Sea.
"Cadet - is there a problem?" he asks when he stops in front of Dael, his eyes darting left and right, sorting the group into leaders and followers.
"No, sir," Dael says stiffly, her grip white-knuckled on her bag. He expected no other answer.
"Good. I hope you're free for lunch, because I'd like you to meet Captain Esteban," he says. "Come with me." It's a mix of order and obvious personal invitation, and there's an angry glitter in her eyes but she can't disobey him openly. Then he focuses on what he thinks is the main agitator, a slim guy with short red hair who is unable to hide his scowl. "What's your name, Cadet?"
"Johanson - sir," the young man says, the sir almost an afterthought, forced out because there's no way to ignore Pike's stripes.
"What's your dream?"
The cadet makes a double-take. "Sir?"
"Where do you want to get posted after the academy?"
"On the Enterprise - like everyone." Johanson's face brightens as he says the ship's name.
"Then you better read up the code of conduct in Starfleet, because Captain Kirk stands for personal integrity and tolerance. You're up for meeting his standards?"
The young man's cheek flush and his hands curl as Pike's statement hits the target. "I will strive to meet them, sir," he answers stiffly.
"Good." Pike nods, then turns to Dael. "Let's go." They walk out of the circle that has already thinned out, the remaining cadets averting his eyes as he looks over them.
"Did you have to do that?" Dael murmurs sharply after a few steps.
"Yes," Pike says without qualms. He's rather sure that the cadets will think twice now about harassing Dael, and consider their careers instead, which would strongly suffer from a reprimand of Conduct Unbecoming in their personal files. Not to mention Pike using his rank and influence to put obstacles in their ways. It's something he wouldn't do but these cadets wouldn't know that.
Let them live in fear of the mighty admiral, he thinks a little sardonically.
Dael falls into an annoyed silence, only breaking it to greet Esteban whom she'd already been introduced to at Barnett's funeral. The captain doesn't seem too happy about her joining them for lunch either, and so Pike ends up between two rather stiff people who do their best to focus solely on the food. The second Dael is done with eating, most of her meal still untouched, she asks for permission to leave, and he lets her go. Watching her stick-thin figure glide through the tables and chairs in close to a flight, he catches Esteban's gaze on him.
"Anything to say, Captain?" Pike asks. There's something in the air, much like with Nogura this morning, and he wants it out in the light, hoping it would clear the atmosphere between them.
"Permission to speak freely?" the man asks.
Pike puts down his cutlery and leans back in his chair, feeling his command persona get into gear. This doesn't feel much different than all these occasions when a first officer pulled him aside in the heat of a battle, asking for that permission before throwing concerns or outright anger into his face. Pike had irritated quite a few officers throughout his career, and it seems he's back to it. "Go ahead."
"It is not my place to criticize your relationship with a much younger cadet, which is obviously tolerated by Starfleet," Esteban says stiffly. "But that you pull her into your affair with Kirk is… I don't know what to call it."
So the news is already all over headquarters.
"I don't have to explain any of our relationship details to you," Pike says controlled. "But rest assured that it's been her own choice to get involved."
"If you say so," Esteban says, the scathing note in his words showing his disbelief. "You want to know why I'm so critical of Kirk? Years ago a friend of mine was involved with him. It didn't end well for her. Of course, he didn't think he was in any way responsible. After all, he'd made it clear from the beginning that she was just a convenience fuck to him."
Now the statement from Esteban when meeting Kirk first makes sense - I heard stories about you - and not in a good way.
"For all that I know of Kirk," Pike says slowly, bottling down his impulse to defend his lover in sharp words, "he'd never use the expression convenience fuck. Sex is about personal connection for him, and if he had something with your friend, it was definitely more than just a fuck."
"I don't expect anything else from you but excuses for him," Esteban says darkly. "But if he ever approached my partner, I'd know what to do, and inviting him into our bed would be the very last thing."
"Enough, Captain," Pike states in his authoritative voice, then takes some of the sharpness back by adding, "Thank you for being open with me. Now that we know where we stand, do you think this will influence our working relationship?"
"I loved working with you on our first Borg mission. Thought you were one of the people of integrity in the admiralty." Esteban's gaze briefly sweeps down before meeting Pike's eyes again. "My opinion has changed. Your private relationships and the way you changed your opinion about how we should handle the Borg threat… I can't look at you the way I once did."
Pike nods, having expected this statement. It brings a bitter taste to his tongue, this feeling of having disappointed someone just by being the person he is. He stands by his relationship with his lovers, doesn't regret a thing about the last few months, but there are moments in which he wishes he wouldn't be forced to make that theme a battlefield again and again.
"The Pathfinder is the ship that will go out there, and you are her designated captain," Pike says. "I doubt Nogura would want to change that, so we will have to keep working together for the near future."
"I know," Esteban says, clearly resigned to the unavoidable. "I think I'll be able to handle it." Are you? The unvoiced question vibrates underneath.
"Fine," Pike states coolly without picking up the gauntlet. "See you tomorrow, Captain."
*
When he comes home, he's not really surprised when Dael sits ramrod straight on the kitchen table with a considerable frown on her face. He throws her a brief hello before walking into the bedroom to change. He'd played out the rank card today already, no need to repeat that within their own walls, so he changes into a black shirt and an old pair of comfy jeans, his knee protectors underneath.
The way Dael looks at him when he walks into the kitchen bears nothing good. There is a bowl of salad on the table and he suddenly has a vivid scene in front of his eyes, of her brutally slaughtering innocent cucumbers with the long knife that's still on the sideboard.
"Still angry with me?" Pike says, carefully keeping the slight amusement he feels under wraps, as it surely wouldn't be appreciated.
"Yes," Dael says. Her arms are on the table, tightly laced in front of her chest with hands curled to fists. It looks as if her anger had time to smolder all afternoon. "I thought we had agreed that we'd not interfere with each other's life in Starfleet. Now they all think that I'm going home whining about other cadets. I want to succeed on my terms. I don't need your protection."
"You're right -" he starts, and there's a sparkle of triumph amidst her irritation -"and you're wrong." Her brows draw together at this.
"You told me you want to be allowed to need me. I got that, and I accepted it."
Dael interrupts him. "I didn't say I needed you today. You just walked right in without asking me -"
"Please - let me make my case, Dael," Pike states.
She tightly presses her lips together.
"If you were still my protégée, I would've busted that group too. It's what mentors are for, handling things that get out of control. And they've been out of control for a while, haven't they?" She frowns but doesn't deny it. "The academy tries to keep harassment between students under control, but like all institutions, sometimes it fails. What's been happening to you isn't normal, Dael, and since it's developed out of control, it's the job of every superior to reign these cadets in. What do you think will happen to them and their like if they carry their destructive habits onto the ships? Do you think Jim would accept that kind of behavior on the Enterprise?"
She slowly shakes her head. "No."
"Right. And if he acts against such behavior, it's his right and his duty. He'd never tell a victim of harassment that he or she should fight for themselves, because it's not just between a few people - it's like cancer to a group. A violation of trust, and I can tell you, ships only work on trust, and once crew members stop trusting each other, the ship is doomed." He slowly sees it sink in, that this isn't just between her and a few xenophobic-or-whatever cadets, but that it's got a much larger dimension, the potential to ruin the very foundation of Starfleet.
"I get it," she says at last. "But you didn't just act as officer. The way you invited me to lunch… you issued an order to me as your partner."
"Yes," Pike admits. "Seemed the easiest thing to do, to both get you out and make even the most stupid cadet understand that I stand by you."
She rolls her eyes. "They know that we're together. It's not like it's a secret."
"But today, they've gotten the proof, in sound and vision." Pike shrugs. "I like my partners to be happy and secure. If that requires me to play the big bad wolf for some idiots, fine by me."
Dael props up her head on one outstretched palm with a sigh. "I still didn't like it."
"Nobody likes to learn that there are things he can't solve all by himself. Nobody likes to find out that he or she is weak in some situation." He cautiously reaches out across the table, and she takes his hand. "Don't worry, I won't get overprotective now. But there are things I won't let slide in the future, and mobbing at the academy is high on the list. No matter if the target is you or anyone else. I called McGovern this afternoon -"
"My Advanced Flight instructor?"
"The same, and after I've made it clear that I'm not going to bring up charges, only wanted to make sure that the bullying would be addressed properly in the future, he admitted that he'd known about it for a while but didn't act accordingly because he didn't want to make it look as if he treated you favorably. Which resulted in you being treated unfairly. After things obviously boiled up during AF II, he said he was already determined to tackle the problem."
Dael looks disbelieving. "He never did a thing, always looked the other way."
"He's sorry for it."
"Fuck him."
Pike nods. "Yes. But instructors have a life and past too. He lost his wife in the Narada incident, had to keep going with two small children. Having you in his class was a challenge to him."
"Not one he was up for," Dael says darkly. Pike can't disagree.
"What happened in AFII?" he asks. "The message you sent me made me want to call the psychiatric emergency hotline - which doesn't match with what I've heard from McGovern, that it's been your best class ever. You fucking handed the guys their asses. You beat them out of the sky."
"Yes, I did," Dael agrees, but doesn't look the least bit victorious. "I just -"
"What?"
She pulls away, tightly lacing her arms around herself. "It's been a dark place."
"Hmm?"
"The mood I've been - it's been a dark place. I don't like that place. There's nothing outside of myself, nothing I care about but my own survival."
"But it's obviously also a place of power."
Dael closes her eyes, rubbing her forehead with one hand. "It's all or nothing. I can't just tap into the potential without submerging into it." She inhales deeply. "It's the place where I could kill. Destroy others without a single thought, without thinking of the consequences."
"You make yourself sound like a psychopath, but I don't think you are one. Starfleet doesn't think that."
"Last time I was in that mood, I -" She stops.
"What?" Pike asks, adding, as he sees her hesitation, "Please, Dael. Tell me."
She laughs without mirth. "Remember the time in your club, the bartenders talking about a scene? The night I broke up with Charlie, we were out. She was drunk, treated me like shit, insulted you all the time - and I lost it. I topped her, ran over half her limits, had her crying on the dance floor while kicking her, literally. She whined when I walked away and came after me because for her it had been the most fantastic scene of her life and she was begging me to keep her… and I left and threw up for an hour. I never hated myself as much as on that evening. Everyone who watched thought it had been a fabulous game, but I knew it wasn't. While it was going on, I was that cold, destructive person. I wanted to hurt her and I felt nothing but satisfaction when she was down on the ground." Dael gets up, walking back and forth in the kitchen in tangible distress. "That's me, Christopher. A sad girl who's the perfect victim unless she loses it, and then she's the perfect offender. There's nothing in between."
Pike leans back in his chair, taking a few breaths because the atmosphere is dense enough to cut. What he says next is crucial, and he takes his time to formulate a response.
"Jim knows that story, doesn't he?"
She halts her steps and gives him a wary gaze. "Yes."
"And what did he say?"
She looks away, hands protectively splayed on her stomach. "That he knows that place. That I'll learn to use it over time. Summon the strength that's in it without losing the empathy for others." Dael glances at him. "I don't know. I'm not like Jim. He's so special…"
Pike smiles. "He told you how I recruited him, back then?"
"A little."
"I picked him up in a bar where he'd gotten into a fight with my cadets. In fact, Jim had a history of getting into fights. He was a juvenile offender with a big mouth, on the crossroad between becoming a criminal or doing something worthwhile with his life and incredible gifts. I dared him but I didn't think it would work. When he joined Starfleet, I knew he would be a piece of work. Called him obnoxious little shit in my head more times than I can count." Dael smiles at this, and Pike relaxes a fraction. He gets up and walks to her, putting his hands on her shoulders from behind.
"How do you think I could sit in the captain's chair for twenty years if I didn't know the same dark place?" he says quietly. "As captain, the fate of hundreds of people lies in your hand. Your highest goal is to bring them all home but you never succeed. There are briefings when you've got to look a good man or woman in the eye and send them out to certain death. There are moments in battles when your only choice is to sacrifice ten or a hundred people, one ship or four. And sometimes you need to be brutal - so brutal that later you look into the mirror and hate yourself for what you had to do. It is a dark place, but it's the place a CO needs to know and work with. The trick is to be able to walk out of it again because you're right, it's not a good place to live in."
There's a shiver running through her, and she tilts her head to the right, nudging his hand with her cheek.
"I agree with Jim - you'll learn to handle it. Trust yourself, Dael. That scene with Charlie might've been bad, but you didn't harm her."
"Only by chance -"
"No. You could've harmed her but you didn't. You still played safe. And you didn't kill any cadets either. It's all been simulated fights, even though they felt terribly real, and you tapped into your biggest strength and won. Right?"
"Right," she agrees, a little choked.
He buries his nose in her hair, caressing her neck. "Trust in the strength within you, because you wouldn't be here today if you weren't strong. Not alive, not on Earth, not with me."
For a moment, she doesn't say a thing. "You're incredible," she mutters eventually, and turns in his arms. "Thank you." She tightly embraces him, and he holds her for a while.
"What about eating?" he says at last, and they unlace and turn to the salad.
"Not sure it's edible," Dael admits. "I've largely been somewhere else with my thoughts."
Pike tests it and true to her words, the dressing is bitter and too salted. He shrugs as he puts down the fork. "Let's go out. You and me and our favorite Italian."
"Good." Leaving the ruined experiment behind, they walk to the restaurant, the growing shadows a welcome cover for the kisses they exchange on the way in the need to reconnect.
*
They manage a real-time connection with the Enterprise men on Wednesday at three fucking forty in the morning, and it's both a source of happiness and of a quiet ache. While it's great to know they arrived safely, seeing their faces and hearing their voices also drives home the point that they won't be able to meet in person for months, maybe years. In the past, Pike had somehow assumed that it would get easier with time but the way it's developing now, with rare meetings only making their connection so much stronger, it's just more painful.
Having Dael with him is the one thing that saves him. Maybe, if she hadn't been, he would've been weak and would've accepted McCoy's decision to remain on Earth. Pike doesn't like to think he would have betrayed Jim like that but Leonard had become more than special to him, their relationship moving on to an emotional intensity he'd never had with anybody… not even with Dael.
The call is over much sooner than he had expected, and leaves him maudlin and restless. He knows Dael picks up his mood but she leaves him be for a while as he pretends to be unable to sleep and deals with a few 'fleet messages instead. It's already five o'clock when she comes back to the office, curling her fingers into his hair. "Come to bed."
"I'm not tired," he says, instantly belying his words with a yawn.
"I know what you need," she whispers in his ear. "Come with me."
He looks up at her. "Dael -"
"Come on."
The lights in the bedroom are low, only a few spotlights illuminating the corners. She directs him into the middle of the bed, and crawls over him for a kiss. His hands run up her sides out of their own volition, but there's no sexual spark in it.
He sighs. "Dael, please, I'm not in the mood."
"Close your eyes and relax," she says and moves away. Realizing that she won't give in - and considering that most times he'd followed her ideas, it'd been good - he gives in. She starts with massage, distributing rather odorless oil on his skin, her touches quickly moving from his chest down between his legs. Closing one hand around his soft member, she strokes him gently, and it doesn't take long before he gets hard, though it's still much more physical than mental.
When her fingers slip deeper down his crack, he's resistant. "I want you to think of him," she says quietly, rubbing a fingertip over his ring muscle. "Imagine he's here, doing this to you."
"This won't work," Pike says.
"It will. I want you to think of him. Don't feel guilty about it."
"I don't feel guilty," Pike states and rolls to the side. "I'm just not in the mood." Because he's stupidly sad from longing and it's neither her fault nor something she can fix.
With a frustrated groan, Dael leans over him. "I know that you felt guilty back then when we tried fucking with me on top. You started thinking of Leonard and stopped because you thought it's not okay. It is okay for me, Christopher. I want to fuck you, deep and long and hard, just as he would, and I want you to think of him and have a good time."
Pike shakes his head, torn between laughter and frustration. "It's not that easy, Dael -"
"Why not?" she asks challenging.
"I can't just switch on that feeling."
"You don't want to."
He sits up, pulling farther away from her. "Maybe not. What I've got with you and what I've got with him just doesn't match, okay? It's like two separated worlds."
"Only in your head," she says.
"In this case, in my head is all that counts."
Her shoulders sag, the playfulness and energy she'd just showed wiped away by his sharp statement, and he instantly regrets his words.
"I'm sorry, Dael," he rasps. "But I just… I don't work like that. At least not in the middle of the night when I'm tired and unhappy, and no matter how good your intentions are, it's not helping right now."
"I see," she states, all wounded soul. She gets up from the bed. "Guess it's better not to get on your nerves anymore for tonight. I'll sleep in my own room."
He briefly closes his eyes, wondering what the hell is going on and if they're really going to have a serious relationship crisis over this. "Stay, damn it."
"Don't order me around," Dael snaps, already halfway to the door.
"Okay." He gets up, pulling the last shreds of his control together because he's really damn tired and emotionally sore by now. "Please, don't leave. I don't know why that's been so important to you right now, and I'm sorry that I can't play along, but please, stay with me and don't make this night any worse than it already is."
And then he looks into her eyes that look so damn sad and he suddenly understands, yes indeed, a shit night for them both because why should he be the only one missing someone here?
"Fuck, come here, Dael," he mutters and opens his arms, and she slips into his embrace with a doleful sigh. "You miss Jim, do you?"
"Yes," she whispers, her body trembling under his palms. "I miss him a lot, and you didn't come to bed and I felt so alone…"
"I'm terribly sorry."
"I didn't want you to be so sad. I thought I could fix it, fix myself…"
"You know, at another time, it might well work." He cradles her, tousling her hair. "We were both stupid. It's okay to miss our guys, and we're both allowed to be open about it."
She looks up with shining eyes. "Yes. And I'd really like to do that for you. With you. You know…"
"Yeah." Pike smiles. He's rather sure she'd taken a lot of inspiration from their joined vacation, and that if she fucked him again, it would feel a lot better than last time. "Come on, let's sleep."
They curl around each other, legs laced, hands touching, and sink into an exhausted nap for the one hour they've left.
*
The question of who is going to be Barnett's successor is still open, and various names circulate in the grapevine. For once, though, Pike is out of the loop, as Nogura doesn't come by his office for chats anymore like he'd done for the past year.
Pike's feelings about this change are mixed. On a personal level, he's surprised and a little concerned that just putting their four names onto an internal form would change Nogura's opinion about him, and what that might mean for Kirk's career. On the 'fleet level, though, too many had seen him as the old man's crown-prince and that's been a position Pike had never strived for. He could live with others being in Nogura's spotlight, if that meant that Nogura would stop interfering with his relationships.
*
Really, a damn candy heart, Pike thinks as he walks into his home office on Friday night, as usual both touched and a little embarrassed when he sees the item on the shelf. Touched because it's something that had been waiting for Dael and him when they'd gotten home the day they'd said goodbye to their men; embarrassed because it sits next to the kitschy teddy bear with the little red heart, adding to a display one might suspect of belonging to some teenager, not an aging admiral. The teddy makes him think of Jim's shirt, and he can't remember where it has gone but he definitely remembers that his own t-shirt is still out on the Enterprise, in a silent agreement that it is an eternal loan and promise that Jim would always bring Leonard and himself safely back to Earth.
Putting the dress coat away, he pours himself a tiny drink and then sits down in front of the screen, his own thoughtful face mirrored back at him. He'd wanted Dael to join him today; it would've been her first official reception at his side in a 'fleet context except for the funeral, but aside from Dael's remaining obligation to Arissa, Nogura had been against it, for this and that reason.
Next time, the old man had said. Pike would remind him of that very soon.
He takes his drink over to the bedroom. It's empty because it's Friday, but for the last time; Dael hadn't been able to cancel her shift at the club but Arissa is forewarned that she's going to drop the job.
Pike is actually relieved to know that Dael is still kind of seeing Caitleen Barnes. He'd never ask for her to break up, it's been enough to hear where her priorities lay - but Dael had promised to come home after her shift, and it's a wonderful prospect to have her all to himself tonight.
The glass is suddenly empty; he must've drunk it without realizing. A shame, because it's all he allows himself. He's fucking dutiful, the medical application on his eternally active PADD all in shiny green if he looks at it. It's never too late to try, and so he succumbs to the mile-long list of don'ts and whatnots and hours of fitness training, doing his very best to keep out of self-created health problems in the hope to still escape another week at SFM. So far his plan seems to work but it's been a mere eight days since the Enterprise men had left, and Naaz keeps giving his data a very critical eye.
He just has to keep trying.
At last stripped out of everything, Pike lays down on his side of the bed, one hand reaching out to the empty spot. His mind conjures memories of wonderful strong hands and bold lips, and he revels in them for a moment.
"Hey guys - I'm thinking of you, and I hope you think of me too, once in a while," Pike whispers into the silent room before he smiles self-consciously.
Only thing worse than a pink candy heart? A man who gets up again to find his lover's t-shirt, at last curling under his cover with go climb a mountain on his chest.
*
He dreams; some part of him knows it's a dream, but another wants to hold on to it, the feel of Leonard's hands on him, Leonard's lips on his cock, hot and wet. Fingers curled around the base while a tongue teases the slit, making him arch from the bed, begging for more. His hips push upwards as he buries his hands in short hair. Moans are being forced out of his throat with every licking and sucking, deep and intense, and he wants this so much, so much…
He startles as reality suddenly jumps him, the dream images clearing to become their bedroom - but the touch doesn't end, the mouth on him still working its way up and down his length.
"Dael…" escapes his lips, slight disbelief coloring her name before he groans again from her administrations. She's not much into blowjobs, or so he'd thought until this moment in which she works on his erection as if it's her favorite action ever. One hand is strong around his dick, her other nudging his balls, adding to the growing ache of an impeding orgasm.
"Oh damn." He bucks, much sooner than he wants to but too aroused and pliable to fight his body's impulses, and comes in the cooler air of the room as she pulls away, ejaculate splattering all over onto his groin. Her fingers distribute the wet spots; they dry quickly, a little sticky when he touches them by impulse.
"Dael… how come?" he asks as she climbs up to kneel next to him. She's still in one of her leather club outfits, eyes surrounded by pitch-black mascara, her hair spiky and with a touch of blue glitter, the lip gloss almost gone. She looks so hot and androgynous, his first impulse is to reciprocate by sucking her dick. But when his fingers run along her groin, she's womanly flat.
She flops down on her stomach next to him, propped up on her elbows. "I got some edible lube from Arissa as parting gift." When she kisses him, he can taste it.
"Peppermint," he says.
"I've got some more, coconut, strawberry, cinnamon, and vanilla."
Pike chuckles. "Good choices, but why does she think we need that?"
"I may have told her about the honey workaround," she mutters.
At this point Pike should possibly be concerned about the level on which his love life is relayed to other people but it's obviously too late. Besides, the edible lube has lead to a fucking great blow-job so he's a little too happy to chastise its giver.
"Arissa wants you to call her as soon as possible. I sent her private ID to your desk."
"What does she want?"
Dael smiles conspiringly. "Talk to her."
Pike sighs. "Fine." He decides to switch back to his original idea. "I want to suck your cock. Very, very much." He strips out of the precious t-shirt that's tangled underneath his arms.
"Got to get it first," she says.
"Hurry." He watches her as she pulls her belt out of the cabinet, pulling her pants down just enough to put it on. Her hands caress the erect dildo as she makes the last adjustments, her fingertips ghostly white on the dark material. He licks his lips and reaches out, pulling her down and onto her back.
"Want you," he says roughly, a tiny bit conscious about the fact that wanting to suck her dick instead of licking her might not be exactly supportive of her female side, but her face is flushed, her mouth drawn into an excited smile, and there's no doubt to him that she doesn't mind his current preference. He bows his head and decidedly goes to work on this neuro-wired highlight of modern sex enhancements, deep-throating her until the dildo's sensitive glans hits the bottom of his mouth and then some, greedy and driven. She's soon whimpering, adorable noises that make him suck her even harder, teasing her with small pauses when she's too close to coming. At last she grabs his head, thrusting right up his throat, and he lets her fuck his face to her orgasm. He just loves that, always loved giving head, a definitely active act for him, and being able to do that to her never stops blowing his mind a little. When she's done, he rests between her legs with his head on her right thigh for a while, his fingers drawing gentle circles on her skin, her hands massaging his scalp in return.
At last, thirst and hunger drive them out of bed. She strips out of her outfit, putting on one of her long, oversized tees, while he remains in the nude, feeling alive and sexy and only cleaning the dried semen off his stomach. "You've got a fabulous technique," he says later when they both have a cup of coffee in their hand, wondering if she'd taken a leaf out of Jim's book here.
Instead, she surprises him by saying, "I've had many chances to watch you and Leonard."
"Did you?" he says neutrally, but feels some heat rising up his neck. While it's become a frequent part of his fantasies to have her as a voyeur to their lovemaking, knowing that she's seen more than he had thought is a little strange.
"And Jim and him. It's all been so intense. So dedicated. I wanted to give you the same feeling."
"You didn't hear me complain before," he says, frowning a little.
"No, but I know you missed it. And who wouldn't?"
His frown deepens. "I don't want you to do it just for me."
Dael shakes her head with a sigh. "I wanted it, okay? I enjoyed it, feeling how you came undone from it."
"All right," he relents, but a vaguely bad taste remains. It's stupid and annoying and he'd have to tackle it but for now they have to get ready to move the last of her things to his - their - apartment. They shower and dress quickly, leaving the apartment fifteen minutes later.
*
When they arrive at her dorm room for the move, Caitleen and a young man, almost a teenager, are waiting for them.
"Brought my brother, hope it's alright," Caitleen says easily as if they're all best of friends, and so Pike shakes hands with Stephen Barnes.
It takes five minutes watching Stephen from the sideline to know what he's got a large but completely unrequited crush on Dael. She's treating him as if he's her own brother, and friendlier than her wayward blood brother Raol back then. There aren't many belongings left, most of her few possessions had kind of diffused into their apartment already. As usual, though, there's more left than expected and his car is quite full with four people and the luggage, all passengers with bags and things in their laps.
When they climb out and the siblings walk in front of them with full arms, Pike quietly asks Dael, "Isn't her family not supposed to know -?"
"Stephen is okay," she says. "And he knows about us."
"Which us?"
"Both us."
They hurry to follow the others. When they enter the apartment, the Barnes kids are more than impressed; with slightly open mouths they walk into it, cautious and in awe of the luxury that doesn't even register with Pike anymore. He feels strange and leaves the three to bring Dael's possessions to her room, using an incoming though unimportant message as pretense to go to his office and deal with some paperwork. It takes a while before he hears steps and the main door opening and closing.
Dael joins him minutes later, and he invitingly rolls back with the chair so that she can sit in his lap. "I hope you didn't mind too much," she says, curling one hand in his neck.
"I would have liked a little forewarning," he says. "I don't mind Caitleen knowing where we live but Stephen…" Last thing he wants is some enraged father at his door.
"Didn't you take pride in the security system of the apartment block? Nobody crossing the threshold without the gatekeeper checking?" She slips her hand under his shirt.
"Hmmm." Pike recognizes a diversion strategy when he sees it - or feels, in this case. "Speaking of which, you're now officially living here." Despite her staying with him for months, he hadn't felt comfortable making it official before, beyond a simple note to the porter's desk that she's his guest. But as of today, there's no more dorm room, and he wonders if this feels as final to her as it does to him. Resting one hand on her hips, he says, "What about hanging up some of your paintings?"
All her caresses stop. "My paintings?"
"Yes." He settles his other hand on her back.
"You only ask because Jim brought them up," she says stiffly.
"He brought them up and he was right in doing so."
She shakes her head. "No. They're not for display."
"Some of them are beautiful," Pike says, revealing that he's looked at them once.
Dael unlaces from his grip, getting up. "They're not for sharing," she states very definitely.
"Okay," Pike says, making a mental note to leave the things she doesn't want to talk about in the closet, no matter if know-it-all-Jim thinks he should deal with them.
*
On Monday morning, Pike is barely settled in his office when an incoming, encrypted message from the Enterprise is announced. He instantly accepts it, and seconds later, Kirk's serious face fills the screen. His lover seems to sit in his office all alone, and that's enough to make Pike concerned.
"Good morning, Jim. You're calling off schedule - anything wrong?"
"Good morning, Chris. No, everything is fine." Kirk clears his throat. "I wanted to inform you that Nogura officially offered to include the Enterprise in the upcoming testing of Borg technology."
"Ah." Pike waits for the feeling of surprise but it doesn't come; subconsciously, he'd always known this to be a part of Nogura's plans. "And you will accept," he says, not a question.
"I conferred with Spock and Scotty and I just can't not accept it. It would be irresponsible to refuse the upgrades that could give us considerable leverage in future confrontations," Kirk says defensively.
"It's the right decision," Pike says.
"I know it's the right decision," Kirk replies. "I just thought I'd forewarn you. I know you're not in favor of the technology…"
"Technology is just technology, and you would be a bad captain not to accept the offer." Pike smiles a little. "And as your lover, I've got a very personal interest in yours and the doc's safety." He straightens in his seat. "As for the political and strategic implications of using the Borg technology, though, Admiral Pike might use his influence to ensure that Starfleet will remain focused on peace-keeping and research."
"As it is your right, sir," Kirk says, mirroring back the smile. "The good side of it is that we'll return to Earth much sooner than expected, maybe already in seven months, and the refit will keep us there for at least two."
"Wonderful. We'll be eagerly awaiting your arrival."
"Good. I need to sign off - we'll call you as soon as possible. Give our love to Dael."
"Of course. Godspeed, Jim, and take care of Leonard."
When Kirk signs off, Pike leans back in the chair. He might not like the news itself, but it's a good sign that the Enterprise is included in the refit program. It will help Kirk's rising star, and that's what Pike wants for him (at least in those moments in which he's not driven by stupid envy of his young, gifted lover).
Pike shakes his head, getting a new coffee before returning to his office. As he's already sidetracked right now, he might as well deal with something else that's been on his mind.
In less than three months, Dael's first practical training cruise would start. He wasn't sure whether she'd applied anywhere, or if she might even have already been accepted. He could've asked but the timing just hadn't been right over the course of the last days.
Half an hour later, he's reasonably sure that she'd sent a few applications for ship positions, but none had been answered positively. He couldn't blame the officers who rejected her; her ratings are still firmly in the middle field and ship placements are limited and hotly contested. Even the medal she'd received for saving his life doesn't weigh in enough to give her a true chance. Determined to keep his promise of better support, Pike starts checking out ships with still open spots; he rules out ships with captains who have a reputation for being a little xenophobic and ships that had been engaged in conflicts with Romulans lately. He also rules out ships with captains or firsts he doesn't have a good gut feeling about, men and women he'd met at some time in their career and received a strange vibe.
In the end, there are only three ships left. One of them is commanded by a man who'd been Pike's navigator on a three-year mission way in the past, and Pike sends him a message, nicely formulated, not too pushy, but making his wish clear. He calms his conscience with the thought that he'd written similar messages for some of his other protégées, but it's still not quite the same and wouldn't be to an outside observer either.
*
The core task force team that engages in most meetings is small; on Earth side, Esteban, his second-in-command Tom Albers, Pike and his assistant Nicole Chambers. On Utopia Planitia, connected by viewscreen, Cho and her deputy Lieutenant-Commander Solen. When necessary, various other assistants and officers of other departments join in. Most of their work is organizing the analysis of information about the Borg and making decisions regarding the technology to be used in the refit.
Like usual in projects, the work pile is much larger than even an extended team could handle, and so they're still on the task of prioritizing all other tasks. Due to the pressing date of the Pathfinder launch, the analysis work is in danger of getting pushed lower on the list, forcing Pike to defend his plan of spending at least thirty percent of his time with the analysts he'd roped in so far.
"We need more information about the Borg, otherwise we're in acute danger of flying into a trap. It's still my biggest concern that if we make a mistake, we're going to deliver an incredibly powerful technology right into the arms of a species that is better in adapting technology than any other, us included," Pike emphasizes.
"I think the data we've delivered is already analyzed to death," Esteban contradicts him. "Reviewing the test results of the new equipment and deciding which to install on the ship is more important right now."
On the screen, one of the analysts sitting next to Cho disagrees with the captain. "We've still got thirty megaflops waiting for analysis, and the robotics specialists are still working on the Borg sample MH2 and the satellites."
"We also shouldn't forget that aside from using ships for an attack, the one option you've once brought up yourself, Joe, is using a virus against them," Pike reminds Esteban. From the corner of his eyes, he can see Cho's surprise. Obviously, she hasn't yet caught up on the older material - and why should she, her focus as head of UP's newest terminal is on ship technology, not on biotechnological warfare.
"As you correctly stated back then, the use of a virus is much harder to defend in the Federation Council, sir," Esteban says stiffly.
"The virus would definitely be worth pursuing, considering that it could mean ending the war before it starts." At this point, they're all sure that there will be a conflict; the only question is what it would look like. Pike continues, "As we already are considering violating the Interstellar Convention of Space Warfare of 2244 by preemptive strikes with new, offensive weaponry, we might as well consider other options."
"We don't have time for this right now," Esteban states. "It's already been decided by the admiralty that the refit of the Pathfinder is priority one."
When Pike opens his mouth to answer, Solen gently interrupts him. "Please, colleagues, let us stop here and consider what we are meeting for. This is not the time to decide alternative paths, but to prioritize the tasks for the refit that we've already listed in advance."
Despite it being Solen who stops what Pike considers an important discussion, it's Esteban that annoys him, the man who'd brought up the alternatives himself and now seems solely focused on getting into the captain's chair of the Pathfinder. If they agreed that the virus development would be a reasonable alternative, chances would be that Nogura would listen to them if they properly presented their findings and ideas - something Pike hadn't been able to do in the impromptu meeting when they first all learned about the new weapons. It's typical for Starfleet to latch onto the classic solution, which means bigger ships and better weapons, when what they really need is a sophisticated solution with a high chance of being able to succeed against such an unusual, dangerous species as the Borg.
Pike manages to get fifteen percent of his time for the analysis of the backlog data; much too little in his opinion, but they all need to compromise.
*
"The word is favoritism - sir," Captain Jakande says straight into Pike's face as the Horizon contacts about his message regarding Dael's placement.
"Hello, Ayo," Pike smiles, genuinely pleased to see the man. "We haven't talked in ages but I'm always relieved to read your successful mission reports."
"No amount of sweet talking will make this any easier," Jakande states, stabbing his forefinger at the cam. "It's one thing recommending a cadet to me - it's another thing when it's someone you're connected to. I read her profile at least five times to make sure I got the details right. A woman? And the partner of three people, including you and the infamous James T. Kirk?" Jakande shakes his head. "I don't think you've surprised me that much ever since that suicidal maneuver back in the fight with the Betazed pirates."
"The maneuver worked," Pike reminds his former navigator, lacing his hands in front of his chest.
"This trick won't," Jakande says. "I'm surprised - you've always been strongly against favoritism, and now you're shamelessly trying to get her placed although her qualifications are sub-par?"
"Trust me - while I have a personal interest in her, obviously, I'd do the same for any of my protégés."
"She isn't your protégé."
"Not anymore, but she was before we got together. Check it out," Pike adds. The captain mutters a few voice commands and then nods.
"All right. Let's assume that this has been an official and completely business-related message from Admiral Pike to an old comrade." Jakande curls his hand in front of his chin. "It's still fishy. Is it worth getting potentially into a line of fire for it?"
"Yes."
Jakande brushes his hand through his curly, short black hair. "Christopher… frankly, if I took her on board and something happened - as it sometimes does, we all know that - and I'd have to send the letter to you and Kirk… I couldn't do that."
"We would understand it. We've both been in similar situations before."
Jakande shakes his head. "It's one thing carrying the burden of a captain; it's another to be the recipient of these letters. You'd both never look at me the same way."
Pike leans back in his chair, receiving a decided vibe of… lying. Jakande lies; the reason for his rejection has nothing to do with Dael being Pike's lover or any potential fallout.
"What's the real problem, Ayo?"
Jakande wiggles on his chair. "Christopher…"
"Come on, what's the matter? You've got a girlfriend who says no?"
It's hard to see but Jakande's cheeks darken a tiny bit.
"Who, your first officer?" That position is always a good guess.
"My weapons officer. We're planning to get married when we hit the next starbase."
"Congratulations. But what is the problem?"
"I might have happened to have almost had an affair with an ensign on the last rotation?" Jakande throws his hands up. "I'm not proud of it but the girl was phenomenal. So I had to promise Zora that we only take male command cadets for this rotation. You've got to understand - she's got Klingons in the bloodline and has a batleth on her wall, and I'd like to keep my balls."
Pike is too amused by the visibly humiliated man to be annoyed. Jakande has several black belts in sports Pike can't even pronounce properly and had more than once helped rescue Pike out of some tight situation during a landing party, so it's quite funny to see the man henpecked like this.
"That changes the situation of course," Pike says, trying to keep his face under control. "I wouldn't want Dael to be the cause of your unhappiness."
"Thanks," Jakanda says, visibly relieved. "I promise, otherwise I'd probably have given her a chance. Despite her mixed marks, she sounds tough and like someone who can think for herself."
"I like to think she does. Have a good trip, Ayo, and when you're back in my quadrant, let's have a drink together to celebrate your wedding."
"Yeah, sure. In a year, maybe," Jakande says. The connection closes.
One down, two left to go.
*
Onto Part 2
Author: syredronning aka Acidqueen
Series: Reboot aka ST:XI aka AOS - Draws Series
Codes: Pike/Dael/Kirk/McCoy, Pike/OCs, Dael/OCs, various OCs and other pairings in passing
Rating: NC-17; partially gut-wrenching; kinky; unsafe sex practices; non-consensual drug use; mentions of rape and violence; mentions of underage sex; bullying/mobbing; questionable decisions; depression; relationships with large age differences, polygamy
Word count: Complete 83.000; this part 9.700
Author's Note: This is the direct sequel to Four Square. See the Draws series masterpost to catch up with all stories.
Full story at AO3
Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9
Thanks for the wonderful beta and helpful comments go to merisunshine36 (whose analysis rescued my wrangled plots), izzyfics and shagungu! All remaining flaws are solely mine.
Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek, I own my brain.
Summary: After their vacation with their men, many things change for Pike and Dael. He thinks he's ready for the new deal, but there may be more players than he realizes.
*** Act 1 ***
He dreams about something sweet and hot that he doesn't remember the second he opens his eyes, but the smile on his lips lingers as he curls, still half-asleep, around the body at his side, burying his nose into short hair that still smells of beach and sunlight. Slides his hand around a tiny waist and up her chest, caressing a soft nipple on the way before drifting down again.
There's a hitch in her breathing, then a yawn stifled by the pillow. Her hair tickles his nose as she moves into his touch, unfolding to his fingers that dip deeper, boldly going because he's learned he's welcome, even now when she's still mostly in the grasp of her own dreams. He doesn't know if they're sweet but he hopes it for her and maybe one day he'll manage to slip into them just as he slips into her body, effortless and organic. His moves are careful, a gentle rhythm that allows them to wake up slowly, the muscles in his legs and calf uncurling as they roll on, finally gathering speed. His lips glide along her shoulder, a hint of teeth and tongue as he nibbles her neck, setting a counterpoint to the fingers on her clit.
There's something adorably, unusually pliant in her this morning, something offering and inviting, and a surge of love runs through him, knowing that they've come this far, giving and taking without guilt and concern about the world around them. He adores her strength and determination that makes her push forward no matter how much adversity she's facing, and now he's learning to adore the part of her that wants a break for a moment. That part that wants to be held and claimed by him, that offers with so little reservation, making her open up and blossom under his caresses, sweet petals of youth. He dances with her, rides the wave of her arousal until it's his own, gives it back to her until they're one body, one soul, so wonderful, so complete, so unbelievably perfect.
Then it's over and they return to reality, her hand on his leg stroking slowly, airily, while summer rain starts outside, tiny drops hitting the sound-proof window. He opens it a little with a voice-order, but the incoming air is dusty and stale and what's been a perfect start of the day is slowly shifting as thoughts crawl in, unwelcome guests that come to stay. About to draw away, he stops as she whispers,
"And the rain falls, green as your blood, sweet as mine;
Honor made us choose and die; a sacrifice of birds."
"Huh?"
"Just something out of a well-known Romulan poem." Dael runs her fingertips along his hand, her face still mostly buried in the pillow.
"I hope it's okay when I'm not particularly fond of this image?" Pike mutters and leans over her, curving his palm around her cheek to make her look at him. "I've never been one to wax poetic but if I were, I'd cite something better fitting to gorgeous wake-up sex."
"It's actually a great love story but like most Romulan poems, it ends tragically." Her lips are a sweet red, her tattoos soft-edged on flushed skin, but her gaze is solemn, and something about her suddenly makes him feel insecure.
"Did I do anything wrong?" he asks concerned. "If I did -"
"No," she hastens to reply. "No. Just had a strange dream. I'm glad you woke me up." She captures his hand and places a kiss onto its palm before claiming his mouth, quickly chasing away his worries.
*
The good start of the Monday stays with him for a while, knowing that she's off to a class she likes, and having a message in his box from their men that they're only five hours away from the Enterprise and that they'd try to call them in a day or two. The coffee machine on his floor aims to please him with a perfect double espresso and the offices are still empty, leaving him time to deal with the pile of messages that have come in since he'd last been here, which had been the day of the big confrontation with Jim. He quickly moves on to some nicer memories, daydreaming a little while sorting the messages in the quadrant of important and urgent, forwarding anything that is neither to his assistant.
"Good morning, Chris," someone says, throwing Pike out of his concentration.
Why the hell can't the old man knock on doors like everyone else?
"Good morning, Heihachiro," he says and pushes a little away from his console to focus on his early visitor.
Nogura nods, walking into the room. "Glad to have you back. I hope you enjoyed your vacation."
"I enjoyed it more than I can say. Thanks for keeping them on Earth a little longer. We really appreciated it," Pike says heartfelt. There's a tiny itch on Nogura's face, something changing in the atmosphere as Nogura spreads one hand flat on the desk.
"I don't know how to start -" the man says slowly, before blurting out, by his standards - "I've always supported you although I wasn't in favor of the development between you and cadet Dael, but did you have to go as far as to enter them all as partners in your personal files? You realize that this will be a media feast once they find out, and they will."
"We knew what we were doing," Pike states coolly, a little surprised by the outbreak. "It's the logical thing to do when a relationship is serious. Is that a problem for you?"
"You had your big outing at Barnett's funeral, leaving little to guess about your relationship to the three. Couldn't that be enough? These partner entries for all of you - they make it look as if all of you sleep with each other," Nogura says.
Pike stares at him. "And?"
He can see Nogura's face flushing in a way he'd never seen before, realization and embarrassment inseparably mingled. No doubt Nogura has images of group orgies in mind now, and some of them might not be far from the truth.
"Is that all?" Pike asks.
With effort, Nogura finds his voice again. "Yes. See you at the meeting later."
Pike watches him leave, almost feeling a bit of pity for his shocked superior, but what the hell, they're not the first foursome in the history of mankind.
*
The day moves on quickly due to several meetings including a lengthy one of the core task force, and they take a late break at 1400 for lunch. Pike invites Esteban to come with him; now that they would be spending a considerable amount of time together over the Pathfinder refit, he'd like to get to know him better. His plan is slightly disrupted, though, as they walk over the academy grounds and Pike notices Dael within a group of students. At first he thinks it's just the dispersing crowd from her class but there's something in her stance that signals tension, something in the circle around her that's too dense to be good.
He doesn't know what's up, but he's got Kirk's voice in his ears, demanding that he should fucking do something and not just look away, so he slips a "be right back" to Esteban before marching right into the group, parting the six male and two female cadets like Moses did the Red Sea.
"Cadet - is there a problem?" he asks when he stops in front of Dael, his eyes darting left and right, sorting the group into leaders and followers.
"No, sir," Dael says stiffly, her grip white-knuckled on her bag. He expected no other answer.
"Good. I hope you're free for lunch, because I'd like you to meet Captain Esteban," he says. "Come with me." It's a mix of order and obvious personal invitation, and there's an angry glitter in her eyes but she can't disobey him openly. Then he focuses on what he thinks is the main agitator, a slim guy with short red hair who is unable to hide his scowl. "What's your name, Cadet?"
"Johanson - sir," the young man says, the sir almost an afterthought, forced out because there's no way to ignore Pike's stripes.
"What's your dream?"
The cadet makes a double-take. "Sir?"
"Where do you want to get posted after the academy?"
"On the Enterprise - like everyone." Johanson's face brightens as he says the ship's name.
"Then you better read up the code of conduct in Starfleet, because Captain Kirk stands for personal integrity and tolerance. You're up for meeting his standards?"
The young man's cheek flush and his hands curl as Pike's statement hits the target. "I will strive to meet them, sir," he answers stiffly.
"Good." Pike nods, then turns to Dael. "Let's go." They walk out of the circle that has already thinned out, the remaining cadets averting his eyes as he looks over them.
"Did you have to do that?" Dael murmurs sharply after a few steps.
"Yes," Pike says without qualms. He's rather sure that the cadets will think twice now about harassing Dael, and consider their careers instead, which would strongly suffer from a reprimand of Conduct Unbecoming in their personal files. Not to mention Pike using his rank and influence to put obstacles in their ways. It's something he wouldn't do but these cadets wouldn't know that.
Let them live in fear of the mighty admiral, he thinks a little sardonically.
Dael falls into an annoyed silence, only breaking it to greet Esteban whom she'd already been introduced to at Barnett's funeral. The captain doesn't seem too happy about her joining them for lunch either, and so Pike ends up between two rather stiff people who do their best to focus solely on the food. The second Dael is done with eating, most of her meal still untouched, she asks for permission to leave, and he lets her go. Watching her stick-thin figure glide through the tables and chairs in close to a flight, he catches Esteban's gaze on him.
"Anything to say, Captain?" Pike asks. There's something in the air, much like with Nogura this morning, and he wants it out in the light, hoping it would clear the atmosphere between them.
"Permission to speak freely?" the man asks.
Pike puts down his cutlery and leans back in his chair, feeling his command persona get into gear. This doesn't feel much different than all these occasions when a first officer pulled him aside in the heat of a battle, asking for that permission before throwing concerns or outright anger into his face. Pike had irritated quite a few officers throughout his career, and it seems he's back to it. "Go ahead."
"It is not my place to criticize your relationship with a much younger cadet, which is obviously tolerated by Starfleet," Esteban says stiffly. "But that you pull her into your affair with Kirk is… I don't know what to call it."
So the news is already all over headquarters.
"I don't have to explain any of our relationship details to you," Pike says controlled. "But rest assured that it's been her own choice to get involved."
"If you say so," Esteban says, the scathing note in his words showing his disbelief. "You want to know why I'm so critical of Kirk? Years ago a friend of mine was involved with him. It didn't end well for her. Of course, he didn't think he was in any way responsible. After all, he'd made it clear from the beginning that she was just a convenience fuck to him."
Now the statement from Esteban when meeting Kirk first makes sense - I heard stories about you - and not in a good way.
"For all that I know of Kirk," Pike says slowly, bottling down his impulse to defend his lover in sharp words, "he'd never use the expression convenience fuck. Sex is about personal connection for him, and if he had something with your friend, it was definitely more than just a fuck."
"I don't expect anything else from you but excuses for him," Esteban says darkly. "But if he ever approached my partner, I'd know what to do, and inviting him into our bed would be the very last thing."
"Enough, Captain," Pike states in his authoritative voice, then takes some of the sharpness back by adding, "Thank you for being open with me. Now that we know where we stand, do you think this will influence our working relationship?"
"I loved working with you on our first Borg mission. Thought you were one of the people of integrity in the admiralty." Esteban's gaze briefly sweeps down before meeting Pike's eyes again. "My opinion has changed. Your private relationships and the way you changed your opinion about how we should handle the Borg threat… I can't look at you the way I once did."
Pike nods, having expected this statement. It brings a bitter taste to his tongue, this feeling of having disappointed someone just by being the person he is. He stands by his relationship with his lovers, doesn't regret a thing about the last few months, but there are moments in which he wishes he wouldn't be forced to make that theme a battlefield again and again.
"The Pathfinder is the ship that will go out there, and you are her designated captain," Pike says. "I doubt Nogura would want to change that, so we will have to keep working together for the near future."
"I know," Esteban says, clearly resigned to the unavoidable. "I think I'll be able to handle it." Are you? The unvoiced question vibrates underneath.
"Fine," Pike states coolly without picking up the gauntlet. "See you tomorrow, Captain."
*
When he comes home, he's not really surprised when Dael sits ramrod straight on the kitchen table with a considerable frown on her face. He throws her a brief hello before walking into the bedroom to change. He'd played out the rank card today already, no need to repeat that within their own walls, so he changes into a black shirt and an old pair of comfy jeans, his knee protectors underneath.
The way Dael looks at him when he walks into the kitchen bears nothing good. There is a bowl of salad on the table and he suddenly has a vivid scene in front of his eyes, of her brutally slaughtering innocent cucumbers with the long knife that's still on the sideboard.
"Still angry with me?" Pike says, carefully keeping the slight amusement he feels under wraps, as it surely wouldn't be appreciated.
"Yes," Dael says. Her arms are on the table, tightly laced in front of her chest with hands curled to fists. It looks as if her anger had time to smolder all afternoon. "I thought we had agreed that we'd not interfere with each other's life in Starfleet. Now they all think that I'm going home whining about other cadets. I want to succeed on my terms. I don't need your protection."
"You're right -" he starts, and there's a sparkle of triumph amidst her irritation -"and you're wrong." Her brows draw together at this.
"You told me you want to be allowed to need me. I got that, and I accepted it."
Dael interrupts him. "I didn't say I needed you today. You just walked right in without asking me -"
"Please - let me make my case, Dael," Pike states.
She tightly presses her lips together.
"If you were still my protégée, I would've busted that group too. It's what mentors are for, handling things that get out of control. And they've been out of control for a while, haven't they?" She frowns but doesn't deny it. "The academy tries to keep harassment between students under control, but like all institutions, sometimes it fails. What's been happening to you isn't normal, Dael, and since it's developed out of control, it's the job of every superior to reign these cadets in. What do you think will happen to them and their like if they carry their destructive habits onto the ships? Do you think Jim would accept that kind of behavior on the Enterprise?"
She slowly shakes her head. "No."
"Right. And if he acts against such behavior, it's his right and his duty. He'd never tell a victim of harassment that he or she should fight for themselves, because it's not just between a few people - it's like cancer to a group. A violation of trust, and I can tell you, ships only work on trust, and once crew members stop trusting each other, the ship is doomed." He slowly sees it sink in, that this isn't just between her and a few xenophobic-or-whatever cadets, but that it's got a much larger dimension, the potential to ruin the very foundation of Starfleet.
"I get it," she says at last. "But you didn't just act as officer. The way you invited me to lunch… you issued an order to me as your partner."
"Yes," Pike admits. "Seemed the easiest thing to do, to both get you out and make even the most stupid cadet understand that I stand by you."
She rolls her eyes. "They know that we're together. It's not like it's a secret."
"But today, they've gotten the proof, in sound and vision." Pike shrugs. "I like my partners to be happy and secure. If that requires me to play the big bad wolf for some idiots, fine by me."
Dael props up her head on one outstretched palm with a sigh. "I still didn't like it."
"Nobody likes to learn that there are things he can't solve all by himself. Nobody likes to find out that he or she is weak in some situation." He cautiously reaches out across the table, and she takes his hand. "Don't worry, I won't get overprotective now. But there are things I won't let slide in the future, and mobbing at the academy is high on the list. No matter if the target is you or anyone else. I called McGovern this afternoon -"
"My Advanced Flight instructor?"
"The same, and after I've made it clear that I'm not going to bring up charges, only wanted to make sure that the bullying would be addressed properly in the future, he admitted that he'd known about it for a while but didn't act accordingly because he didn't want to make it look as if he treated you favorably. Which resulted in you being treated unfairly. After things obviously boiled up during AF II, he said he was already determined to tackle the problem."
Dael looks disbelieving. "He never did a thing, always looked the other way."
"He's sorry for it."
"Fuck him."
Pike nods. "Yes. But instructors have a life and past too. He lost his wife in the Narada incident, had to keep going with two small children. Having you in his class was a challenge to him."
"Not one he was up for," Dael says darkly. Pike can't disagree.
"What happened in AFII?" he asks. "The message you sent me made me want to call the psychiatric emergency hotline - which doesn't match with what I've heard from McGovern, that it's been your best class ever. You fucking handed the guys their asses. You beat them out of the sky."
"Yes, I did," Dael agrees, but doesn't look the least bit victorious. "I just -"
"What?"
She pulls away, tightly lacing her arms around herself. "It's been a dark place."
"Hmm?"
"The mood I've been - it's been a dark place. I don't like that place. There's nothing outside of myself, nothing I care about but my own survival."
"But it's obviously also a place of power."
Dael closes her eyes, rubbing her forehead with one hand. "It's all or nothing. I can't just tap into the potential without submerging into it." She inhales deeply. "It's the place where I could kill. Destroy others without a single thought, without thinking of the consequences."
"You make yourself sound like a psychopath, but I don't think you are one. Starfleet doesn't think that."
"Last time I was in that mood, I -" She stops.
"What?" Pike asks, adding, as he sees her hesitation, "Please, Dael. Tell me."
She laughs without mirth. "Remember the time in your club, the bartenders talking about a scene? The night I broke up with Charlie, we were out. She was drunk, treated me like shit, insulted you all the time - and I lost it. I topped her, ran over half her limits, had her crying on the dance floor while kicking her, literally. She whined when I walked away and came after me because for her it had been the most fantastic scene of her life and she was begging me to keep her… and I left and threw up for an hour. I never hated myself as much as on that evening. Everyone who watched thought it had been a fabulous game, but I knew it wasn't. While it was going on, I was that cold, destructive person. I wanted to hurt her and I felt nothing but satisfaction when she was down on the ground." Dael gets up, walking back and forth in the kitchen in tangible distress. "That's me, Christopher. A sad girl who's the perfect victim unless she loses it, and then she's the perfect offender. There's nothing in between."
Pike leans back in his chair, taking a few breaths because the atmosphere is dense enough to cut. What he says next is crucial, and he takes his time to formulate a response.
"Jim knows that story, doesn't he?"
She halts her steps and gives him a wary gaze. "Yes."
"And what did he say?"
She looks away, hands protectively splayed on her stomach. "That he knows that place. That I'll learn to use it over time. Summon the strength that's in it without losing the empathy for others." Dael glances at him. "I don't know. I'm not like Jim. He's so special…"
Pike smiles. "He told you how I recruited him, back then?"
"A little."
"I picked him up in a bar where he'd gotten into a fight with my cadets. In fact, Jim had a history of getting into fights. He was a juvenile offender with a big mouth, on the crossroad between becoming a criminal or doing something worthwhile with his life and incredible gifts. I dared him but I didn't think it would work. When he joined Starfleet, I knew he would be a piece of work. Called him obnoxious little shit in my head more times than I can count." Dael smiles at this, and Pike relaxes a fraction. He gets up and walks to her, putting his hands on her shoulders from behind.
"How do you think I could sit in the captain's chair for twenty years if I didn't know the same dark place?" he says quietly. "As captain, the fate of hundreds of people lies in your hand. Your highest goal is to bring them all home but you never succeed. There are briefings when you've got to look a good man or woman in the eye and send them out to certain death. There are moments in battles when your only choice is to sacrifice ten or a hundred people, one ship or four. And sometimes you need to be brutal - so brutal that later you look into the mirror and hate yourself for what you had to do. It is a dark place, but it's the place a CO needs to know and work with. The trick is to be able to walk out of it again because you're right, it's not a good place to live in."
There's a shiver running through her, and she tilts her head to the right, nudging his hand with her cheek.
"I agree with Jim - you'll learn to handle it. Trust yourself, Dael. That scene with Charlie might've been bad, but you didn't harm her."
"Only by chance -"
"No. You could've harmed her but you didn't. You still played safe. And you didn't kill any cadets either. It's all been simulated fights, even though they felt terribly real, and you tapped into your biggest strength and won. Right?"
"Right," she agrees, a little choked.
He buries his nose in her hair, caressing her neck. "Trust in the strength within you, because you wouldn't be here today if you weren't strong. Not alive, not on Earth, not with me."
For a moment, she doesn't say a thing. "You're incredible," she mutters eventually, and turns in his arms. "Thank you." She tightly embraces him, and he holds her for a while.
"What about eating?" he says at last, and they unlace and turn to the salad.
"Not sure it's edible," Dael admits. "I've largely been somewhere else with my thoughts."
Pike tests it and true to her words, the dressing is bitter and too salted. He shrugs as he puts down the fork. "Let's go out. You and me and our favorite Italian."
"Good." Leaving the ruined experiment behind, they walk to the restaurant, the growing shadows a welcome cover for the kisses they exchange on the way in the need to reconnect.
*
They manage a real-time connection with the Enterprise men on Wednesday at three fucking forty in the morning, and it's both a source of happiness and of a quiet ache. While it's great to know they arrived safely, seeing their faces and hearing their voices also drives home the point that they won't be able to meet in person for months, maybe years. In the past, Pike had somehow assumed that it would get easier with time but the way it's developing now, with rare meetings only making their connection so much stronger, it's just more painful.
Having Dael with him is the one thing that saves him. Maybe, if she hadn't been, he would've been weak and would've accepted McCoy's decision to remain on Earth. Pike doesn't like to think he would have betrayed Jim like that but Leonard had become more than special to him, their relationship moving on to an emotional intensity he'd never had with anybody… not even with Dael.
The call is over much sooner than he had expected, and leaves him maudlin and restless. He knows Dael picks up his mood but she leaves him be for a while as he pretends to be unable to sleep and deals with a few 'fleet messages instead. It's already five o'clock when she comes back to the office, curling her fingers into his hair. "Come to bed."
"I'm not tired," he says, instantly belying his words with a yawn.
"I know what you need," she whispers in his ear. "Come with me."
He looks up at her. "Dael -"
"Come on."
The lights in the bedroom are low, only a few spotlights illuminating the corners. She directs him into the middle of the bed, and crawls over him for a kiss. His hands run up her sides out of their own volition, but there's no sexual spark in it.
He sighs. "Dael, please, I'm not in the mood."
"Close your eyes and relax," she says and moves away. Realizing that she won't give in - and considering that most times he'd followed her ideas, it'd been good - he gives in. She starts with massage, distributing rather odorless oil on his skin, her touches quickly moving from his chest down between his legs. Closing one hand around his soft member, she strokes him gently, and it doesn't take long before he gets hard, though it's still much more physical than mental.
When her fingers slip deeper down his crack, he's resistant. "I want you to think of him," she says quietly, rubbing a fingertip over his ring muscle. "Imagine he's here, doing this to you."
"This won't work," Pike says.
"It will. I want you to think of him. Don't feel guilty about it."
"I don't feel guilty," Pike states and rolls to the side. "I'm just not in the mood." Because he's stupidly sad from longing and it's neither her fault nor something she can fix.
With a frustrated groan, Dael leans over him. "I know that you felt guilty back then when we tried fucking with me on top. You started thinking of Leonard and stopped because you thought it's not okay. It is okay for me, Christopher. I want to fuck you, deep and long and hard, just as he would, and I want you to think of him and have a good time."
Pike shakes his head, torn between laughter and frustration. "It's not that easy, Dael -"
"Why not?" she asks challenging.
"I can't just switch on that feeling."
"You don't want to."
He sits up, pulling farther away from her. "Maybe not. What I've got with you and what I've got with him just doesn't match, okay? It's like two separated worlds."
"Only in your head," she says.
"In this case, in my head is all that counts."
Her shoulders sag, the playfulness and energy she'd just showed wiped away by his sharp statement, and he instantly regrets his words.
"I'm sorry, Dael," he rasps. "But I just… I don't work like that. At least not in the middle of the night when I'm tired and unhappy, and no matter how good your intentions are, it's not helping right now."
"I see," she states, all wounded soul. She gets up from the bed. "Guess it's better not to get on your nerves anymore for tonight. I'll sleep in my own room."
He briefly closes his eyes, wondering what the hell is going on and if they're really going to have a serious relationship crisis over this. "Stay, damn it."
"Don't order me around," Dael snaps, already halfway to the door.
"Okay." He gets up, pulling the last shreds of his control together because he's really damn tired and emotionally sore by now. "Please, don't leave. I don't know why that's been so important to you right now, and I'm sorry that I can't play along, but please, stay with me and don't make this night any worse than it already is."
And then he looks into her eyes that look so damn sad and he suddenly understands, yes indeed, a shit night for them both because why should he be the only one missing someone here?
"Fuck, come here, Dael," he mutters and opens his arms, and she slips into his embrace with a doleful sigh. "You miss Jim, do you?"
"Yes," she whispers, her body trembling under his palms. "I miss him a lot, and you didn't come to bed and I felt so alone…"
"I'm terribly sorry."
"I didn't want you to be so sad. I thought I could fix it, fix myself…"
"You know, at another time, it might well work." He cradles her, tousling her hair. "We were both stupid. It's okay to miss our guys, and we're both allowed to be open about it."
She looks up with shining eyes. "Yes. And I'd really like to do that for you. With you. You know…"
"Yeah." Pike smiles. He's rather sure she'd taken a lot of inspiration from their joined vacation, and that if she fucked him again, it would feel a lot better than last time. "Come on, let's sleep."
They curl around each other, legs laced, hands touching, and sink into an exhausted nap for the one hour they've left.
*
The question of who is going to be Barnett's successor is still open, and various names circulate in the grapevine. For once, though, Pike is out of the loop, as Nogura doesn't come by his office for chats anymore like he'd done for the past year.
Pike's feelings about this change are mixed. On a personal level, he's surprised and a little concerned that just putting their four names onto an internal form would change Nogura's opinion about him, and what that might mean for Kirk's career. On the 'fleet level, though, too many had seen him as the old man's crown-prince and that's been a position Pike had never strived for. He could live with others being in Nogura's spotlight, if that meant that Nogura would stop interfering with his relationships.
*
Really, a damn candy heart, Pike thinks as he walks into his home office on Friday night, as usual both touched and a little embarrassed when he sees the item on the shelf. Touched because it's something that had been waiting for Dael and him when they'd gotten home the day they'd said goodbye to their men; embarrassed because it sits next to the kitschy teddy bear with the little red heart, adding to a display one might suspect of belonging to some teenager, not an aging admiral. The teddy makes him think of Jim's shirt, and he can't remember where it has gone but he definitely remembers that his own t-shirt is still out on the Enterprise, in a silent agreement that it is an eternal loan and promise that Jim would always bring Leonard and himself safely back to Earth.
Putting the dress coat away, he pours himself a tiny drink and then sits down in front of the screen, his own thoughtful face mirrored back at him. He'd wanted Dael to join him today; it would've been her first official reception at his side in a 'fleet context except for the funeral, but aside from Dael's remaining obligation to Arissa, Nogura had been against it, for this and that reason.
Next time, the old man had said. Pike would remind him of that very soon.
He takes his drink over to the bedroom. It's empty because it's Friday, but for the last time; Dael hadn't been able to cancel her shift at the club but Arissa is forewarned that she's going to drop the job.
Pike is actually relieved to know that Dael is still kind of seeing Caitleen Barnes. He'd never ask for her to break up, it's been enough to hear where her priorities lay - but Dael had promised to come home after her shift, and it's a wonderful prospect to have her all to himself tonight.
The glass is suddenly empty; he must've drunk it without realizing. A shame, because it's all he allows himself. He's fucking dutiful, the medical application on his eternally active PADD all in shiny green if he looks at it. It's never too late to try, and so he succumbs to the mile-long list of don'ts and whatnots and hours of fitness training, doing his very best to keep out of self-created health problems in the hope to still escape another week at SFM. So far his plan seems to work but it's been a mere eight days since the Enterprise men had left, and Naaz keeps giving his data a very critical eye.
He just has to keep trying.
At last stripped out of everything, Pike lays down on his side of the bed, one hand reaching out to the empty spot. His mind conjures memories of wonderful strong hands and bold lips, and he revels in them for a moment.
"Hey guys - I'm thinking of you, and I hope you think of me too, once in a while," Pike whispers into the silent room before he smiles self-consciously.
Only thing worse than a pink candy heart? A man who gets up again to find his lover's t-shirt, at last curling under his cover with go climb a mountain on his chest.
*
He dreams; some part of him knows it's a dream, but another wants to hold on to it, the feel of Leonard's hands on him, Leonard's lips on his cock, hot and wet. Fingers curled around the base while a tongue teases the slit, making him arch from the bed, begging for more. His hips push upwards as he buries his hands in short hair. Moans are being forced out of his throat with every licking and sucking, deep and intense, and he wants this so much, so much…
He startles as reality suddenly jumps him, the dream images clearing to become their bedroom - but the touch doesn't end, the mouth on him still working its way up and down his length.
"Dael…" escapes his lips, slight disbelief coloring her name before he groans again from her administrations. She's not much into blowjobs, or so he'd thought until this moment in which she works on his erection as if it's her favorite action ever. One hand is strong around his dick, her other nudging his balls, adding to the growing ache of an impeding orgasm.
"Oh damn." He bucks, much sooner than he wants to but too aroused and pliable to fight his body's impulses, and comes in the cooler air of the room as she pulls away, ejaculate splattering all over onto his groin. Her fingers distribute the wet spots; they dry quickly, a little sticky when he touches them by impulse.
"Dael… how come?" he asks as she climbs up to kneel next to him. She's still in one of her leather club outfits, eyes surrounded by pitch-black mascara, her hair spiky and with a touch of blue glitter, the lip gloss almost gone. She looks so hot and androgynous, his first impulse is to reciprocate by sucking her dick. But when his fingers run along her groin, she's womanly flat.
She flops down on her stomach next to him, propped up on her elbows. "I got some edible lube from Arissa as parting gift." When she kisses him, he can taste it.
"Peppermint," he says.
"I've got some more, coconut, strawberry, cinnamon, and vanilla."
Pike chuckles. "Good choices, but why does she think we need that?"
"I may have told her about the honey workaround," she mutters.
At this point Pike should possibly be concerned about the level on which his love life is relayed to other people but it's obviously too late. Besides, the edible lube has lead to a fucking great blow-job so he's a little too happy to chastise its giver.
"Arissa wants you to call her as soon as possible. I sent her private ID to your desk."
"What does she want?"
Dael smiles conspiringly. "Talk to her."
Pike sighs. "Fine." He decides to switch back to his original idea. "I want to suck your cock. Very, very much." He strips out of the precious t-shirt that's tangled underneath his arms.
"Got to get it first," she says.
"Hurry." He watches her as she pulls her belt out of the cabinet, pulling her pants down just enough to put it on. Her hands caress the erect dildo as she makes the last adjustments, her fingertips ghostly white on the dark material. He licks his lips and reaches out, pulling her down and onto her back.
"Want you," he says roughly, a tiny bit conscious about the fact that wanting to suck her dick instead of licking her might not be exactly supportive of her female side, but her face is flushed, her mouth drawn into an excited smile, and there's no doubt to him that she doesn't mind his current preference. He bows his head and decidedly goes to work on this neuro-wired highlight of modern sex enhancements, deep-throating her until the dildo's sensitive glans hits the bottom of his mouth and then some, greedy and driven. She's soon whimpering, adorable noises that make him suck her even harder, teasing her with small pauses when she's too close to coming. At last she grabs his head, thrusting right up his throat, and he lets her fuck his face to her orgasm. He just loves that, always loved giving head, a definitely active act for him, and being able to do that to her never stops blowing his mind a little. When she's done, he rests between her legs with his head on her right thigh for a while, his fingers drawing gentle circles on her skin, her hands massaging his scalp in return.
At last, thirst and hunger drive them out of bed. She strips out of her outfit, putting on one of her long, oversized tees, while he remains in the nude, feeling alive and sexy and only cleaning the dried semen off his stomach. "You've got a fabulous technique," he says later when they both have a cup of coffee in their hand, wondering if she'd taken a leaf out of Jim's book here.
Instead, she surprises him by saying, "I've had many chances to watch you and Leonard."
"Did you?" he says neutrally, but feels some heat rising up his neck. While it's become a frequent part of his fantasies to have her as a voyeur to their lovemaking, knowing that she's seen more than he had thought is a little strange.
"And Jim and him. It's all been so intense. So dedicated. I wanted to give you the same feeling."
"You didn't hear me complain before," he says, frowning a little.
"No, but I know you missed it. And who wouldn't?"
His frown deepens. "I don't want you to do it just for me."
Dael shakes her head with a sigh. "I wanted it, okay? I enjoyed it, feeling how you came undone from it."
"All right," he relents, but a vaguely bad taste remains. It's stupid and annoying and he'd have to tackle it but for now they have to get ready to move the last of her things to his - their - apartment. They shower and dress quickly, leaving the apartment fifteen minutes later.
*
When they arrive at her dorm room for the move, Caitleen and a young man, almost a teenager, are waiting for them.
"Brought my brother, hope it's alright," Caitleen says easily as if they're all best of friends, and so Pike shakes hands with Stephen Barnes.
It takes five minutes watching Stephen from the sideline to know what he's got a large but completely unrequited crush on Dael. She's treating him as if he's her own brother, and friendlier than her wayward blood brother Raol back then. There aren't many belongings left, most of her few possessions had kind of diffused into their apartment already. As usual, though, there's more left than expected and his car is quite full with four people and the luggage, all passengers with bags and things in their laps.
When they climb out and the siblings walk in front of them with full arms, Pike quietly asks Dael, "Isn't her family not supposed to know -?"
"Stephen is okay," she says. "And he knows about us."
"Which us?"
"Both us."
They hurry to follow the others. When they enter the apartment, the Barnes kids are more than impressed; with slightly open mouths they walk into it, cautious and in awe of the luxury that doesn't even register with Pike anymore. He feels strange and leaves the three to bring Dael's possessions to her room, using an incoming though unimportant message as pretense to go to his office and deal with some paperwork. It takes a while before he hears steps and the main door opening and closing.
Dael joins him minutes later, and he invitingly rolls back with the chair so that she can sit in his lap. "I hope you didn't mind too much," she says, curling one hand in his neck.
"I would have liked a little forewarning," he says. "I don't mind Caitleen knowing where we live but Stephen…" Last thing he wants is some enraged father at his door.
"Didn't you take pride in the security system of the apartment block? Nobody crossing the threshold without the gatekeeper checking?" She slips her hand under his shirt.
"Hmmm." Pike recognizes a diversion strategy when he sees it - or feels, in this case. "Speaking of which, you're now officially living here." Despite her staying with him for months, he hadn't felt comfortable making it official before, beyond a simple note to the porter's desk that she's his guest. But as of today, there's no more dorm room, and he wonders if this feels as final to her as it does to him. Resting one hand on her hips, he says, "What about hanging up some of your paintings?"
All her caresses stop. "My paintings?"
"Yes." He settles his other hand on her back.
"You only ask because Jim brought them up," she says stiffly.
"He brought them up and he was right in doing so."
She shakes her head. "No. They're not for display."
"Some of them are beautiful," Pike says, revealing that he's looked at them once.
Dael unlaces from his grip, getting up. "They're not for sharing," she states very definitely.
"Okay," Pike says, making a mental note to leave the things she doesn't want to talk about in the closet, no matter if know-it-all-Jim thinks he should deal with them.
*
On Monday morning, Pike is barely settled in his office when an incoming, encrypted message from the Enterprise is announced. He instantly accepts it, and seconds later, Kirk's serious face fills the screen. His lover seems to sit in his office all alone, and that's enough to make Pike concerned.
"Good morning, Jim. You're calling off schedule - anything wrong?"
"Good morning, Chris. No, everything is fine." Kirk clears his throat. "I wanted to inform you that Nogura officially offered to include the Enterprise in the upcoming testing of Borg technology."
"Ah." Pike waits for the feeling of surprise but it doesn't come; subconsciously, he'd always known this to be a part of Nogura's plans. "And you will accept," he says, not a question.
"I conferred with Spock and Scotty and I just can't not accept it. It would be irresponsible to refuse the upgrades that could give us considerable leverage in future confrontations," Kirk says defensively.
"It's the right decision," Pike says.
"I know it's the right decision," Kirk replies. "I just thought I'd forewarn you. I know you're not in favor of the technology…"
"Technology is just technology, and you would be a bad captain not to accept the offer." Pike smiles a little. "And as your lover, I've got a very personal interest in yours and the doc's safety." He straightens in his seat. "As for the political and strategic implications of using the Borg technology, though, Admiral Pike might use his influence to ensure that Starfleet will remain focused on peace-keeping and research."
"As it is your right, sir," Kirk says, mirroring back the smile. "The good side of it is that we'll return to Earth much sooner than expected, maybe already in seven months, and the refit will keep us there for at least two."
"Wonderful. We'll be eagerly awaiting your arrival."
"Good. I need to sign off - we'll call you as soon as possible. Give our love to Dael."
"Of course. Godspeed, Jim, and take care of Leonard."
When Kirk signs off, Pike leans back in the chair. He might not like the news itself, but it's a good sign that the Enterprise is included in the refit program. It will help Kirk's rising star, and that's what Pike wants for him (at least in those moments in which he's not driven by stupid envy of his young, gifted lover).
Pike shakes his head, getting a new coffee before returning to his office. As he's already sidetracked right now, he might as well deal with something else that's been on his mind.
In less than three months, Dael's first practical training cruise would start. He wasn't sure whether she'd applied anywhere, or if she might even have already been accepted. He could've asked but the timing just hadn't been right over the course of the last days.
Half an hour later, he's reasonably sure that she'd sent a few applications for ship positions, but none had been answered positively. He couldn't blame the officers who rejected her; her ratings are still firmly in the middle field and ship placements are limited and hotly contested. Even the medal she'd received for saving his life doesn't weigh in enough to give her a true chance. Determined to keep his promise of better support, Pike starts checking out ships with still open spots; he rules out ships with captains who have a reputation for being a little xenophobic and ships that had been engaged in conflicts with Romulans lately. He also rules out ships with captains or firsts he doesn't have a good gut feeling about, men and women he'd met at some time in their career and received a strange vibe.
In the end, there are only three ships left. One of them is commanded by a man who'd been Pike's navigator on a three-year mission way in the past, and Pike sends him a message, nicely formulated, not too pushy, but making his wish clear. He calms his conscience with the thought that he'd written similar messages for some of his other protégées, but it's still not quite the same and wouldn't be to an outside observer either.
*
The core task force team that engages in most meetings is small; on Earth side, Esteban, his second-in-command Tom Albers, Pike and his assistant Nicole Chambers. On Utopia Planitia, connected by viewscreen, Cho and her deputy Lieutenant-Commander Solen. When necessary, various other assistants and officers of other departments join in. Most of their work is organizing the analysis of information about the Borg and making decisions regarding the technology to be used in the refit.
Like usual in projects, the work pile is much larger than even an extended team could handle, and so they're still on the task of prioritizing all other tasks. Due to the pressing date of the Pathfinder launch, the analysis work is in danger of getting pushed lower on the list, forcing Pike to defend his plan of spending at least thirty percent of his time with the analysts he'd roped in so far.
"We need more information about the Borg, otherwise we're in acute danger of flying into a trap. It's still my biggest concern that if we make a mistake, we're going to deliver an incredibly powerful technology right into the arms of a species that is better in adapting technology than any other, us included," Pike emphasizes.
"I think the data we've delivered is already analyzed to death," Esteban contradicts him. "Reviewing the test results of the new equipment and deciding which to install on the ship is more important right now."
On the screen, one of the analysts sitting next to Cho disagrees with the captain. "We've still got thirty megaflops waiting for analysis, and the robotics specialists are still working on the Borg sample MH2 and the satellites."
"We also shouldn't forget that aside from using ships for an attack, the one option you've once brought up yourself, Joe, is using a virus against them," Pike reminds Esteban. From the corner of his eyes, he can see Cho's surprise. Obviously, she hasn't yet caught up on the older material - and why should she, her focus as head of UP's newest terminal is on ship technology, not on biotechnological warfare.
"As you correctly stated back then, the use of a virus is much harder to defend in the Federation Council, sir," Esteban says stiffly.
"The virus would definitely be worth pursuing, considering that it could mean ending the war before it starts." At this point, they're all sure that there will be a conflict; the only question is what it would look like. Pike continues, "As we already are considering violating the Interstellar Convention of Space Warfare of 2244 by preemptive strikes with new, offensive weaponry, we might as well consider other options."
"We don't have time for this right now," Esteban states. "It's already been decided by the admiralty that the refit of the Pathfinder is priority one."
When Pike opens his mouth to answer, Solen gently interrupts him. "Please, colleagues, let us stop here and consider what we are meeting for. This is not the time to decide alternative paths, but to prioritize the tasks for the refit that we've already listed in advance."
Despite it being Solen who stops what Pike considers an important discussion, it's Esteban that annoys him, the man who'd brought up the alternatives himself and now seems solely focused on getting into the captain's chair of the Pathfinder. If they agreed that the virus development would be a reasonable alternative, chances would be that Nogura would listen to them if they properly presented their findings and ideas - something Pike hadn't been able to do in the impromptu meeting when they first all learned about the new weapons. It's typical for Starfleet to latch onto the classic solution, which means bigger ships and better weapons, when what they really need is a sophisticated solution with a high chance of being able to succeed against such an unusual, dangerous species as the Borg.
Pike manages to get fifteen percent of his time for the analysis of the backlog data; much too little in his opinion, but they all need to compromise.
*
"The word is favoritism - sir," Captain Jakande says straight into Pike's face as the Horizon contacts about his message regarding Dael's placement.
"Hello, Ayo," Pike smiles, genuinely pleased to see the man. "We haven't talked in ages but I'm always relieved to read your successful mission reports."
"No amount of sweet talking will make this any easier," Jakande states, stabbing his forefinger at the cam. "It's one thing recommending a cadet to me - it's another thing when it's someone you're connected to. I read her profile at least five times to make sure I got the details right. A woman? And the partner of three people, including you and the infamous James T. Kirk?" Jakande shakes his head. "I don't think you've surprised me that much ever since that suicidal maneuver back in the fight with the Betazed pirates."
"The maneuver worked," Pike reminds his former navigator, lacing his hands in front of his chest.
"This trick won't," Jakande says. "I'm surprised - you've always been strongly against favoritism, and now you're shamelessly trying to get her placed although her qualifications are sub-par?"
"Trust me - while I have a personal interest in her, obviously, I'd do the same for any of my protégés."
"She isn't your protégé."
"Not anymore, but she was before we got together. Check it out," Pike adds. The captain mutters a few voice commands and then nods.
"All right. Let's assume that this has been an official and completely business-related message from Admiral Pike to an old comrade." Jakande curls his hand in front of his chin. "It's still fishy. Is it worth getting potentially into a line of fire for it?"
"Yes."
Jakande brushes his hand through his curly, short black hair. "Christopher… frankly, if I took her on board and something happened - as it sometimes does, we all know that - and I'd have to send the letter to you and Kirk… I couldn't do that."
"We would understand it. We've both been in similar situations before."
Jakande shakes his head. "It's one thing carrying the burden of a captain; it's another to be the recipient of these letters. You'd both never look at me the same way."
Pike leans back in his chair, receiving a decided vibe of… lying. Jakande lies; the reason for his rejection has nothing to do with Dael being Pike's lover or any potential fallout.
"What's the real problem, Ayo?"
Jakande wiggles on his chair. "Christopher…"
"Come on, what's the matter? You've got a girlfriend who says no?"
It's hard to see but Jakande's cheeks darken a tiny bit.
"Who, your first officer?" That position is always a good guess.
"My weapons officer. We're planning to get married when we hit the next starbase."
"Congratulations. But what is the problem?"
"I might have happened to have almost had an affair with an ensign on the last rotation?" Jakande throws his hands up. "I'm not proud of it but the girl was phenomenal. So I had to promise Zora that we only take male command cadets for this rotation. You've got to understand - she's got Klingons in the bloodline and has a batleth on her wall, and I'd like to keep my balls."
Pike is too amused by the visibly humiliated man to be annoyed. Jakande has several black belts in sports Pike can't even pronounce properly and had more than once helped rescue Pike out of some tight situation during a landing party, so it's quite funny to see the man henpecked like this.
"That changes the situation of course," Pike says, trying to keep his face under control. "I wouldn't want Dael to be the cause of your unhappiness."
"Thanks," Jakanda says, visibly relieved. "I promise, otherwise I'd probably have given her a chance. Despite her mixed marks, she sounds tough and like someone who can think for herself."
"I like to think she does. Have a good trip, Ayo, and when you're back in my quadrant, let's have a drink together to celebrate your wedding."
"Yeah, sure. In a year, maybe," Jakande says. The connection closes.
One down, two left to go.
*
Onto Part 2