Inexplicable - SiHae [2/3]
Title: Inexplicable [ 1][ 2][ 3]
Pairing: Siwon/Donghae, Friends!Donghae/Kibum, ex-Donghae/Sungmin, ex-Donghae/Hyukjae
Genre: AU, abstract, mild romance, angst
Rating: PG
Warnings: Dissociation/unreality tw
Summary: Kibum is just Kibum. Perhaps one day Donghae will find someone who accepts that.
Donghae honestly believes that somewhere in the world is his perfect partner.
(Kibum agrees.)
He just hasn't found him yet.
(Or her, to be fair.)
Donghae believes that it is just a matter of 'trying people out' until he finds the one. With each one that leaves, Kibum has never seen him break down. Donghae believes that he shouldn't mourn the moving on of someone who was not right for him.
(Kibum likes to think that he's a little more observant than Donghae, so he is the one who has considered the idea that they leave because of him, not Donghae. But until Donghae begins to consider that himself, he'll stay the same.)
One by one, Donghae has faith that his perfect partner will come soon.
(Kibum remembers those two times, when it was particularly bad.)
Number one was Sungmin.
(Kibum remembers liking Sungmin. Such a shame.)
Sungmin was feisty and made Donghae blush. He would curl into Donghae while they sat in the lounge and whisper things into his ear until Donghae squirmed with a grin on his face. He would run his fingers over Donghae's body and run his lips over Donghae's face until Kibum stood up and walked away.
(He never reminded Donghae to close the door. Kibum tends to think he never noticed.)
He would kiss and cherish Donghae enthusiastically.
(Kibum used to think of it as 'love Donghae wholeheartedly', but he realizes now that he was just as deluded as Donghae was…)
The way he threw Donghae down on the couch and covered his smile with his full lips, the way they would laugh and get lost in their own little world while Kibum watched from the side.
(Kibum is always watching Donghae.)
Sungmin sat by Donghae at the kitchen island, eating breakfast with him, paying Kibum the bare minimum amount of attention that Donghae did.
(Kibum loves Donghae.)
Kibum had been taken in by Sungmin for that.
(And yet, sheep mentality…)
The times Sungmin brought his other lovers back to Donghae's house, ignoring Kibum as he pulled them to Donghae's bed…
(A test?)
The moans that rang through the house as Sungmin encouraged the others to not hold back, to be loud, this is why I brought you here-
(A test, then…)
Donghae's eyes widening at the trail of shed clothes that led to the Pit of Moans, also known as his bedroom, keys falling from his suddenly limp fingers, the way he looked up and his eyes met with Kibum's incredulously.
(I'm sorry, Donghae.)
Donghae walking through the open door of his room, the surprised yelp of Sungmin's other lover. Donghae asking them politely if they wouldn't mind taking their fucking elsewhere because it was late and he would very much like to go to sleep in his own bed.
(Kibum remembers it all.)
Number two was Hyukjae.
(If he's honest, Kibum wishes that he could still like Hyukjae.)
They started off as just friends, playing their dance games in front of the TV before they got bored with it and just danced their own way.
(Hello, I'm Kibum.)
There was always something wrong, though, in the way Hyukjae was so aware of his presence; the way his eyes flickered over in his direction the first time Donghae grabbed him in the middle of a dance and kissed him in their living room. The way he shied away and flushed too red when Donghae would try to be affectionate on the couch.
(He cared too much, the way Sungmin cared too little.)
But Hyukjae did try. He followed Donghae's lead, eventually. He didn't ask questions.
(With his lips; Kibum could see the overflow of questions every time their eyes met.)
"Would you cut it out?"
"Hyuk- Hyuk, stop, what are you doing?"
"Stop staring! Go away! Can't we have a little privacy?"
"Hyuk, it's just Kibum, calm down-"
(Kibum said nothing, leaving it to Donghae to calm Hyukjae, but his silence made things worse.)
"Why don't you speak?" Hyukjae yelled, tearing at his hair. "All you do is just sit there and stare and exist… don't you have anything else to do? Why can't I have some time alone with Donghae?"
(What?)
Donghae was distraught, pulling at Hyukjae's sleeve, taking him out of the house, leaving Kibum in a thick silence.
(Can you deal with this, Donghae?)
He remembered that night when Hyukjae closed the door to Donghae's bedroom.
(Soft voices, indiscernible words; Kibum was glad that the yelling had stopped and they were talking things through.)
Hyukjae took two months to finally give up and leave.
(Sorry, Hyukjae.)
"I don't like being watched, is the thing."
"Huh?"
"When we're affectionate… I love it Donghae, I do, but I wish we didn't have an audience, alright?"
"An audience?"
"Kibum, of course. I don't like the way he's always watching you."
Donghae had blinked.
(Hyukjae tried a different approach while Kibum stood outside.)
"What is he to you, Donghae?"
"Kibum?"
"Of course."
"Kibum is Kibum."
"But what is 'Kibum'?"
"I don't understand."
Hyukjae let out a slow sigh. "He's like your brother, but not really."
"No, Kibum's not like a brother."
"He's also like… I can't even describe it. Like a platonic boyfriend."
"What?"
Hyukjae flapped his hands. "I know, that doesn't make any sense, but can't you see what I'm saying? His relationship with you - I can't discern it. He's like… he's almost… he's… like… a pet."
(Silence, lengthy silence.)
"I'm sorry… whoa… that's not what I meant… I mean…"
"I don't understand what you're saying, Hyuk."
(Donghae's confused voice is adorable.)
(Goodbye, Hyukjae. Sorry.)
"Hyuk, can't we just… please, can't I… can't you…"
(You tried too hard. Don't think so much.)
Hyukjae pressed his lips to Donghae's one final time.
"I really do love you, Donghae."
(There was a distinct crease between Donghae's eyebrows.)
"But don't love someone as selfish as me, okay? This is me being selfish one more time. Goodbye, Hae."
(I think I'll miss you, Hyukjae.)
And later that day Kibum had found Donghae sitting in the hallway, knees drawn up to his chest, staring at the opposite wall with wide, glassy eyes.
(Oh, my Donghae.)
He had knelt down in front of him and taken his cold hands; kissed each of his fingers and then taken his face to press light kisses across his cheeks and forehead until Donghae scoffed and pushed him away.
(He could only smile.)
Donghae's lips curved upwards as he closed his eyes and leant back against the wall. "Kibummie…"
(Yes, Donghae, my Donghae?)
"Hm?"
"It's okay, right?"
"Of course it's okay, Hae."
(It's always okay, you're always wonderful.)
Donghae had looked up and into Kibum's dark eyes.
(Kibum had wondered if he was thinking about Hyukjae's words, but he couldn't see any questions or doubt in Donghae's face - just the calm trust that he was so used to.)
"It's okay."
"Yeah. I know."
>NEXT>
Note: Trying something abstract! If you understand it already, I'm doing it wrong XD
Also dedicated to one of my wife(ves) Lici for making me ship SiHae because I am not meant to ship SiHae but, here this is...
Also do you know how fucking hard it is to break up EunHae. Never doing that again.