Kiss B (3/3) Part B

[swshawnee]

Title: Kiss B
Pairing: Yunjae
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Slight angst but not really, smut
Summary: After being rejected, Jaejoong never wants to speak to Yunho again. Which... doesn't quite work out.
Wordcount: 9,478

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"I understand that it must be hard feeling like that. I really do. But I don't understand how I'm supposed to fix it. You clearly said that you and me would be a mistake, so what part can I take in fixing you?"

Jaejoong walks over and sits down on Yoochun's bed, on the opposite end of the room from Yunho. "Why do you think I said it's a mistake, Yunho?" he asks.

Yunho looks back at him and his eyes are so glassy and devastated that Jaejoong's stomach turns. "Because," Yunho says calmly, "because you think it would be a mistake for us to be in a relationship, right?" He nods to himself and looks down, and a tear finally slips over his cheek. Jaejoong holds his breath. "I understand all of that, I really do."

"No, you don't," Jaejoong breathes out. "Yunho, I said it was a mistake because you don't have feelings for me."

Yunho looks up at him in confusion. "But... that's not..."

Jaejoong doesn't understand what's happening, but he gets up and sits down on Changmin's bed instead, the one just beside his own. "That's not what?" he says breathlessly.

"I... I do..."

"Have feelings for me?"

Yunho nods. "Didn't you know?"

Jaejoong shakes his head. "You haven't told me."

"But I," Yunho tries, and wipes away the one tear that fell. "I got into bed with you... I..."

Jaejoong stares at him through wide eyes. "Not exactly the clearest confession ever," he says, shaking his head. "You... have feelings for me?"

Yunho stares back at him through equally big, round eyes, and he nods again. "I have feelings for you."

They sit opposite each other for a few moments, just staring at each other, both in disbelief. Because the blinds are down, the room is dark, only lit by a bedside lamp on Yoochun's nightstand, but they have no problems seeing each other. As they look at each other, the tears dry up in their eyes, and from outside they can hear Junsu and Changmin's war cries as they've gone back to their video game.

"This is suddenly all making the kind of sense that I can understand," Yunho says emotionlessly, and Jaejoong can't help himself. He lies down on his back on the bed, and just laughs. Just like on the night that Yoochun walked into their room, he laughs until his stomach and jaws hurt and he can forget about the ache in his back. So this is it? He thinks. This is what he agonized so badly over? This is why he couldn't sleep, not eat for over a week?

"Hey, now," Yunho says, "don't laugh. You're making me nervous."

Jaejoong sits up again, but he still can't stop laughing. "I'm sorry. It's just... Why didn't you tell me that when I told you I loved you?"

Yunho looks around the room, as if looking for an answer. "I was stunned, okay," he says, "I wasn't expecting you to say it. I couldn't find my words in the three seconds you gave me before you took off."

"I think that's an exaggeration," Jaejoong says with an eyebrow raised. He must have waited a lot more than three seconds before he had ran off; it had felt like a goddamn eternity.

"I'm not so sure about that," Yunho says. "So... you don't... you don't think us being together would be a mistake?" There's both hope and fear of disappointment in Yunho's voice, and Jaejoong can't understand it. Does Yunho really want to be with him? Is such a thing even really possible? He stares into the blinds that cover the window.

"I don't know," he says, "I haven't really thought about it."

Yunho frowns instantly. "You haven't thought of it?"

Jaejoong shakes his head and clarifies: "I never thought I'd get the opportunity to even think about it. I never thought that you would..."

Yunho tilts his head, and a careful smile plays on his face. "I can't believe you didn't know how I feel about you," he says carefully.

"You... you wouldn’t let me touch you," Jaejoong says, somewhat in embarrassment. "You didn't want me to see you... I just thought..."

A true smile spreads over Yunho's features, and he stands up. Jaejoong looks up at him as he walks over to where Jaejoong is sitting, and seeing him so happy fills him with a nervous warmth. "Ah, Jaejoong, you silly goose," the younger man says, and Jaejoong frowns. Goose? "I only did that to tease you." He puts an arm over Jaejoong's shoulders, and the older man has to avert his gaze.

"Oh."

"I didn't think you'd read so deeply into it."

Jaejoong looks into his eyes again, and the smile on Yunho's lips fades slowly as they look at each other. Yunho looks unsure, but Jaejoong can tell by the way his gaze is fixed as his lips that he's debating with himself whether or not to kiss him. He raises an eyebrow and places his hand on the back of Yunho's head, and then he lets their lips meet a second time. It's nothing like the first time, there's no nervousness or fear in the pit of Jaejoong's stomach, but anticipation and a joy that sends jolts of shakiness through his body. Yunho's kiss is careful too, and Jaejoong finds it strange. In bed, he's a pure control freak, but as soon as there's love involved, it seems as though he's not all that sure of himself. Somehow it plays with Jaejoong's nerves even further, because Jesus, Yunho has feelings for him.

They pull apart, and Yunho's hand finds the side of Jaejoong's face. "Jaejoongie, let's not do this again," he says as his long fingers stroke Jaejoong's cheek.

"This?" Jaejoong questions.

"Misunderstanding each other and being generally stupid."

Jaejoong laughs, and nuzzles his face into Yunho's warm hand. "For what it's worth, I promise to never walk out of a room in the middle of a conversation again."

Yunho laughs with him. "Good."

Jaejoong comes home to the dorms one night with a big smile on his face, mostly because today is a Friday. And Fridays are always good, especially this one, because he’s home before midnight for once - a luxury rarely seen in their group. He walks through the door and gets rid of his jacket and shoes with a smile on his face, a smile he makes without realizing it, the kind you find yourself sporting on your face looking like a big loon, and he doesn’t need to think twice about the reason.

He pulls out his phone from his jacket pocket, and is surprised to see that he’s received a text without noticing.

To: Jaejoong
From: Junsu
Hyung~~ when will you be here?

He frowns and looks towards the living room door, and he pauses for a moment to listen, but there are no sounds coming from the room. The entire dorm is silent. “Junsu?” he calls after a moment of hesitation. Why did Junsu want to know when he was coming home? Or wherever ‘here’ is?
But there’s no reply, so Jaejoong walks into the living room, and there, in the doorway to their bedroom, stands Yunho, leaning against the door frame with a satisfied smile on his lips.

Jaejoong thought he had all his sexual fantasies mapped out perfectly in his head. He really did. But even if he has dreamed of being restrained, once he’s been handcuffed to the bed he realizes he had no idea what he has been dreaming of. Because being handcuffed to the headboard, blindfolded and slowly stripped of his clothes by a playful Yunho is a thousand times better than he could ever have imagined.

The knowledge that he can’t get up, can barely move at all, turns him on beyond belief; the lower part of his body is already burning, on fire, while his upper body is shivering from anticipation and the cold. Once his jeans and underwear has been pulled off his legs, Yunho seems to pull back for a while, and Jaejoong’s heart beats wildly in nervousness, only to speed up even further when he feels Yunho sit down right beside him. A warm hand finds his stomach, stroking slowly from side to side but reaching no lower than just beneath his navel, and Jaejoong groans in both lust and frustration. He feels Yunho lean down, and then his wet lips meet with the smooth skin of Jaejoong’s cold chest, and he throws his head back, pulling at his restraints. Yunho’s lips form in to a smile as they kiss their way over his chest, not down, but up towards his neck, and Jaejoong moans again.

“Comfortable, Jaejoongie?” Yunho wonders, and his hand leaves Jaejoong’s stomach and slides down in one swift motion to grasp his cock. Unable to make a coherent answer, Jaejoong whimpers and tries to grind against Yunho’s hand because nothing has ever, ever felt so good in his life. Yunho chuckles quietly. “Alright.” He squeezes Jaejoong’s cock softly, and groans darkly at the sounds that escape Jaejoong’s throat. “If only you could see how amazing you look, Jaejoongie,” he says, and Jaejoong thinks he’s about to die. The hand that isn’t busy toying with Jaejoong’s cock lands on Jaejoong’s throat, and the older man throws his head back to give it better access. Yunho strokes the warm skin that is slowly but surely overheating, pressing only so much that Jaejoong can feel it, and the latter can’t help but moan again. “You’re all mine,” Yunho whispers. “Only mine.”

Jaejoong hurries to nod, his heavy breaths tearing at his throat as he pants, because he can’t agree more. He’s Yunho’s. And whatever the younger man plans to do with him, he isn’t sure he’s going to survive all the way to the end.

Yunho gives his length a final, firm squeeze before he gets off the bed again, and Jaejoong whines in protest. The bed becomes cold the moment Yunho leaves, the cuffs feel just a little too tight around his wrists, and his body starts shaking instantly. “Yunho,” Jaejoong breathes, and he can hear Yunho chuckle again from somewhere near the foot of the bed.

“Patience, my sweet,” he replies, his voice so dark and mischievous that it makes Jaejoong’s cock twitch. And he loves it, at the same time that he hates it, because he ran out of patience about three years back in time.

“No, Yunho,” he pants, because he can’t do anything else, “fuck me.”

The younger man lets out a shaky breath. “Fuck, Jaejoong,” he replies, but the voice isn’t coming closer, so Jaejoong pulls at his restraints again, and when they don’t give way he feels himself become impossibly more aroused. “All in good time,” Yunho says, and there’s a ripping noise followed by a hissing, and even with the blindfold on, there’s no mistaking that sound: fire. Jaejoong’s breath catches in his throat and for a second he becomes terrified, but then he remembers that it’s Yunho, who loves him, and he relaxes slightly, but not completely.

Yunho’s hand closes around his hardness again and he murmurs, throwing his head back and wishing he could see Yunho’s face, and then, without warning, there’s a biting, red hot pain on his chest, and he moans out loud because the mixing pain and pleasure feels so impossibly good. He barely manages to catch his breath before the feeling comes back, and more drops of melted wax trickle over his skin, now in a line over one of his nipples down to his navel. “Fuck,” he splutters, thrashing around on the bed as well as he can, and then Yunho’s firm hand starts pumping his length at a quick pace, and he’s about ready to lose himself completely. He thrusts up into Yunho’s hand, unable to stop himself, and Yunho’s grip suddenly tightens. Jaejoong whimpers.

“Don’t come,” Yunho says darkly. “Don’t.” Jaejoong shakes his head in reply, because yes, the pleasure is completely swallowing him whole, he’s concentrating so hard to keep it at a distance; he doesn’t want this to end yet. He doesn’t want it to ever end. There’s a pause, and then Jaejoong sucks in a harsh breath as another string of wax drops down on his skin, this time on his thigh, in a long line almost down to his knee. He almost screams from the heat, and instinctively he inches away from the pain, even though he desires it more than he ever has. “Lie still,” Yunho orders, and he relaxes his legs the best he can, and then there stinging pain is back, but on his other leg, and Yunho’s hand pumps him faster, so he squeezes his eyes shut even though they see nothing but the darkness of his blindfold. His eyes roll back in his head as he waits out the pain that quickly dissipates and turns into a warm, throbbing ache all over his skin, an ache so intoxicating his eyes roll back in his head and he can’t form thoughts anymore.

Yunho gets off the bed again, and Jaejoong whines louder this time. “No,” he says again, “please, don’t stop. Please.”

But again, Yunho just laughs. “So needy, huh, Jaejoongie?” he murmurs, and Jaejoong kicks the air with his aching legs.

“Fuck, Yunho, please, don’t be a tease,” he says, impressed by himself for at all being able to form words, even though they’re slightly slurred.

“Aww,” the younger man says, “but you’re so fucking hot when you’re frustrated.” Jaejoong is about to protest, but then he hears the click of bottle cap, and all arguments die before they reach his lips. Instead he mumbles incoherent nonsense words as his entire stomach tenses up and he knows that it’s coming, soon, soon if Yunho can just stop teasing him, because he doesn’t know how much more of this he can stand. Yunho shuffles around for a while and Jaejoong wants to ask, wants to beg Yunho to get this blindfold off of him so he can see the younger man, but he knows he won’t get a reply, so he doesn’t. He aches to reach down and touch himself, and he pulls on the cuffs again, knowing already they won’t give way to his needs. “Yunho,” he whines impatiently, but he gets no response. Despite himself, he writhes on the bed, using his wax-stained thighs to try to desperately create any kind of friction.

The mattress shifts as Yunho once again climbs up on it, and Jaejoong doesn’t even bother trying to catch his racing breath. The younger man grips the back of his thighs - none too gently - and spreads his legs, and Jaejoong throws his head back in anticipation. “Please,” he breathes, and Yunho says nothing. And Jaejoong understands why when the other man’s mouth meets with the skin just above Jaejoong’s cock, and the ice cube placed just at the tip of Yunho’s tongue leaves a long trail of cold water as he licks around the base of Jaejoong’s length. Jaejoong screams, so high it becomes almost a squeal, and then a slick, lubricated finger enters him without warning, and the darkness of his blindfold is spotted by gold sparks. “Hurry,” he chokes out, dying to feel all of Yunho inside of him, finally, finally, after so many twists and bends, but the only response he gets is Yunho’s finger moving slowly, slowly in and out of him at a maddening pace. The ice cube, significantly smaller now, leaves Yunho’s mouth and lands in a puddle of cold water just above Jaejoong’s cock, and Jaejoong squeals; it’s so cold his skin instantly feels numb. Yunho’s tongue licks hungrily down to the older man’s length, and then he takes just a little more than the tip in his mouth and gives a firm suck. Jaejoong’s head feels like it’s about to explode from all the sensations at once: the growing pain of the cuffs cutting into his wrists, the dulling ache of the hot wax, the feeling of Yunho’s mouth around him and his finger inside him, and then Yunho slides another finger in, and he winces at the slight pain, something he welcomes by now.

Yunho releases Jaejoong’s hardness from his mouth and sucks the remains of the melted ice cube into his mouth, lapping up some of the water with his tongue. He uses his fingers to make scissoring motions and Jaejoong’s entire body spasms when he hits that spot, the right spot that renders him completely unable to do anything but moan so loud he’s sure the entire building can hear him. “Fuck,” he hears Yunho hiss as Jaejoong clenches around him, “Jaejoong…” Suddenly the younger man reaches up and pulls off Jaejoong blindfold, and his world is suddenly invaded by light that makes his eyes hurt, and he blinks rapidly to take in the world around him. He looks down, and he sees Yunho sitting between his legs, eyes narrowed and fixed upon Jaejoong’s face, and he’s completely naked. Jaejoong’s breath catches in his throat, and he stares hungrily down the other man’s body, barely able to believe his eyes. He trails the muscular arms with his eyes, follows the toned skin down to where his two fingers are inserted firmly into Jaejoong, and he moans loudly at the sight. He stares down Yunho’s chest, down his abs, feeling like nothing in the world could make him stop staring, his hands itching to touch the skin he imagines would be warm underneath his fingertips, and then Yunho slides a third finger into him and Jaejoong lets out a strangled cry at the pleasure and pain. He squeezes his eyes shut but feels Yunho’s eyes upon his face, realizing with a wave of arousal that the reason why the other man removed his blindfold was probably because he wanted to see Jaejoong’s reaction to his ministrations.

“Yunho, please,” Jaejoong breathes, “you’re going to kill me.”

Finally answering Jaejoong’s impatient pleas, Yunho withdraws his fingers and repositions himself so that his already lubricated cock comes into Jaejoong’s view, and he stares shamelessly, licking his lips. Yunho notices it and narrows his eyes further, letting out a low grunt. “I might come from just the sight of you like this,” he says huskily, “so don’t do that again.” Jaejoong does what he says, but can’t help but flash a tilted smile at the reaction.
He quickly forgets it though as Yunho repositions himself, lifting Jaejoong’s hips up off the bed in process. His hands slide over to the back of Jaejoong’s thighs, and he presses his nails into the sensitive skin, leaving harsh red marks that make Jaejoong’s muscles twist in pleasure. Yunho watches Jaejoong’s face closely as the older man’s features contort in pain, and then he places himself so that the lubricated tip of his length is teasing Jaejoong’s waiting entrance. Jaejoong pants shamelessly because this is it, his mind is filled only with words of finally, finally, finally and yes, yes, yes, this is it, he’s finally going to be one with Yunho the way he’s dreamed of for longer than he wants to admit, and he stares up into the dark eyes of the man he loves, trying to persuade him with his gaze to go on with it, please, no more teasing.

But Yunho pauses, holding himself up above Jaejoong and staring down at him with a somewhat evil look on his face. Jaejoong holds his breath. “Do you want it, Jaejoong?” he breathes, and Jaejoong nods, pulling at the handcuffs once again.

“Yes,” he moans, and Yunho’s eyes are intense as they gaze into his.

But the younger of the two still doesn’t move. “I don’t know,” he says slowly, and even though beads of sweat have long since formed on his forehead, shoulders, chest and arms, he still has the energy to hold himself back. “I don’t think you want it enough.”

“Yunho, please,” Jaejoong begs, and he won’t be surprised if he feels tears in his eyes soon, he wants it so badly. “Do it, please. Please.”

“Do you want it?” he repeats, and Jaejoong nods desperately.

“Yes!”

“Tell me.”

Jaejoong sobs tearlessly and tries to push himself down enough to feel Yunho inside him, but the cuffs hold him firmly in his place. “Yunho, please, I want you so much, so fuck me, please!”

Yunho smirks. “Mm, that’s better,” he says, and then he thrusts forwards, slowly and carefully entering Jaejoong until he’s buried to the hilt.

Jaejoong gives a long, drawn-out moan that completely drowns out Yunho’s groans as the younger man slides into him, the feeling of being filled so intense that he loses all control of his vocal chords. There’s pain - it’s hardly his first time, but it’s been long since last - and it feels too good. Once Yunho is fully inside him, he pauses, looking down at Jaejoong, and some of the arrogance that’s been gracing his features all night has been erased, and there’s something else there that Jaejoong can’t remember ever seeing before. And he realizes with a start that even if Yunho’s biggest fantasy is to completely dominate, to use someone purely for his own wishes, and no matter how crazy that desire must be driving him right now, he can still put it aside in order to not hurt Jaejoong.

Jaejoong isn’t sure whether it makes him love Yunho more, or make him want to be fucked more. But to be honest, it’s probably a bit of both.
Yunho leans forward, reaches over Jaejoong to the night stand and picks up a key, one that Jaejoong understands leads to his handcuffs, and he looks up at Yunho in relief. The younger man unlocks him one hand at a time, still buried deeply within Jaejoong, and every move he makes causes Jaejoong to shake and his eyes flutter shut. Once his numb, aching arms are free of their prison, Jaejoong wastes no time, but runs his hands up the warm skin of Yunho’s arms, loving the feeling of skin on skin, and never wanting the sensation to go away.

He reaches up to Yunho’s shoulders and lets his hands slide down over his chest and over his abs, the familiar but never before this intense throbbing in his cock growing with each second.

He’s startled when Yunho puts his hands on his shoulders and pushes down harshly. Jaejoong looks up into his eyes, Yunho starts thrusting into him, and his mind is void of thoughts once more.

Jaejoong loses himself within seconds, loses all trace of memory of anything that isn’t Yunho. Though the other man is holding him down, he slides his hands as far up over Yunho’s arms as he can, gripping tight, loving the feeling of his skin underneath his hands while curses and unrestrained moans spill and fall over his lips uncontrollably. He tries to keep his eyes open to meet Yunho’s, and he manages for a while, until Yunho angles his thrusts and hits that spot again, the one that makes his entire body tense up, and he can’t keep his eyes open no matter how much he tries because it feels so good and the entire world revolves around him and Yunho, right here, right now, and he can’t remember ever feeling so complete in his entire life. “Yunho,” he cries, and the hands on his shoulders tighten, the younger man’s nails cutting into his skin again, surely deep enough to draw blood, and it’s not long before Jaejoong’s moans get louder and faster. “More,” he pleads, and Yunho obeys, thrusting harder, and Jaejoong’s moans turn into small screams that almost drown out the sound of their skin slapping together.

“Fuck, Jaejoong,” Yunho grunts, moans falling from his lips as well, and hearing his own name moaned in that deep, husky voice, Jaejoong feels his impending orgasm rising from the pit of his stomach, so he grips the other man’s arms tightly as a silent way of saying I’m coming, please, please be close - silent because he’s far past the state of being able to form words. Yunho seems to take his hint and quickens his pace further, pressing down harder on Jaejoong’s shoulders, sweat running down his forehead and moans that are more like whines and whimpers steadily pouring out of his mouth. Jaejoong wants to finally, finally hear what Yunho sounds like when he comes, and his climax is only seconds away and he knows it, so he clenches around Yunho, throws his head back, Yunho’s thrusts quicken again, and then Jaejoong comes, harder than he ever has in his life.

Yunho leans down when Jaejoong tightens around him, pressing his lips against Jaejoong’s in a messy kiss as he too comes, releasing himself inside Jaejoong and moaning into the older man’s mouth, the two of them kissing sloppily and messily, too far gone to control their spasming muscles. Yunho’s moans are high pitched and his breath is hot on Jaejoong’s lips, and it’s like music to his ears as he comes undone and slowly comes back down to earth. Yunho collapses on top of him, and both men exhausted and overheated.

How much time that has passed when he gets out of bed, Jaejoong doesn’t know. Perhaps three hours, perhaps one, or perhaps not even that. He climbs out, steals Yunho’s duvet, wraps it around his naked shoulders and walks up to the window. Seoul is dark since long, and the view from their window is amazing, with all the lights of the tall buildings lining up like a famous photograph. It’s beautiful, but Jaejoong closes the blinds, all three that are needed to cover the entire window.

“Come back,” Yunho says hoarsely from the bed. “It’s very cold without you.”

“It’s because the warmth goes where the duvet goes,” Jaejoong says absent-mindedly, not moving from where he’s standing, “and the duvet is coming with me.” The melancholy that fills him is enormous and heavy, but he thinks maybe it isn’t such a bad thing. He suspects that maybe it’s even happiness, and this is just the way he works he feels things. Any feeling. They’re always so strong, that maybe he just perceives them as some sort of grief. “The others will be home soon, won’t they?” he asks, though it’s more of a statement than a question. “So we should start cleaning up in here.”

Yunho shakes his head. “Nope.”

“Where are they anyway? “

Yunho drags himself out of bed and walks over to where Jaejoong is standing. Jaejoong doesn’t hesitate to open his arms and let Yunho step inside the warm circle of their duvet, and he circles his arms around the taller man’s muscular frame, wrapping them both in the duvet’s warmth. “They’re at this party,” Yunho explains, “they won’t be home for a while.”

“Party?” Jaejoong asks, not remembering any recent mention of a party. “What party?”

Yunho bites his lip for a moment. “Well, it’s this SM thing…”

Jaejoong raises an eyebrow in bewilderment. “How come I didn’t know about this?”

“I may or may not have kept it from you on purpose so we’d get the night free…” Yunho mumbles, looking everywhere but at Jaejoong, and the older man can’t help but laugh.

“Ah, Yunho,” he says dramatically, “lying to me to get me into bed? This is not okay.”

“Well, what can I say?” Yunho replied, wrapping his arms tighter around Jaejoong’s waist, “I was getting desperate.” Jaejoong rolls his eyes exasperatedly but smiles and leans his head on Yunho’s shoulder. The two stand together, and Jaejoong can’t help but sigh in contentment. He feels so complete, so whole, so much like he’s find a place where he belongs, but in the back of his mind there is a remaining misery, an aftertaste of an entire life of almost constant, unfounded misery that seems to stick around only because that’s what he is used to feeling. “What’s wrong, Jaejoongie?” Yunho asks after a few moments, “why do you seem so sad?” His second question is accompanied by a tight squeeze of his body, and he finally knows the right word to put on his feeling in Yunho’s embrace: safe.

“Not sad,” Jaejoong explains, “just feeling things.”

Yunho eventually pulls back and looks Jaejoong in the eye with a suggestive smirk. “You know,” he says, “there’s still some ice cream in the fridge.”

Jaejoong throws his head back. “I love you,” he says.

Yunho plants a soft kiss on his neck. “I love you too. Now let me eat ice cream off you.”

If he can be with Yunho long enough, and he has no reason to believe he won’t be - he trust Yunho - he knows the lingering feeling of misery will go away all on its own. It’s a hopeful feeling in the midst of everything else, a feeling that’s completely Yunho. And he knows now, he knows that when Yunho comes, he wants kisses. He knows that Yunho has absolutely no problem with being naked around him; in fact he kind of loves it. A lot. He knows that even after Yunho has achieved what he wants, he still treasures it and refuses to let it be harmed. That Yunho is confident about sex and insecure about love. He knows a lot, and what gives him hope for the future is that there’s still so much left to learn.
Besides, it is pretty hard to feel miserable when the person you love is eating ice cream off your stomach.