A Little White Lie: Part 9
I'll...just drop this here.
Many, many thanks to the amazing Aphreal for making the whole thing readable.
Title: A Little White Lie - part 9/?
Author: signcherie
Rating: T for this chapter
Pairing: Anders/f!Hawke
Spoilers: possible through middle of Act 2
Summary: Hawke is awkward with men. To get her to loosen up around Anders, Bethany and Isabela tell her that the apostate is only romantically interested...in other men.
crossposting to knickerweasels
If you missed the beginning, previous chapters are archived here
And the whole thing on the kink meme.
Hawke closed the bedroom door behind her and leaned back on it for support. Anders’s words echoed in her head.
No woman’s ever been this good to me....No woman I’ve ever been with--no woman or man--has meant to me what you do.
Anders did not only fancy men.
Anders liked women. He had had relationships with women.
Anders was attracted to women!
Horrified, Autumn thought back on all the things she’d said and done in his presence over the last few years. Oh, Maker--she’d asked him about what two men did in bed while cuddling up with him in the Deep Roads. And before that--when they were just getting to know each other, she’d told him all about her little crush on Seamus Dumar. Suddenly his seeming outrage was put in a whole new context. Was it possible he’d been jealous?
Andraste’s flaming pyre. That night in the clinic, when she’d thought he might kiss her--he had been about to kiss her!
It didn’t stop there. Three years worth of awkward situations came tumbling back. Mortified, Autumn recalled a time in the Hanged Man when Anders had turned down a young man’s attentions. Despite her dread of losing Anders to someone else, she’d peppered him with questions, trying to figure out why he’d refused, until he’d finally gotten up and left the table. She hadn’t understood at the time...but he must have thought she was trying to pawn him off on someone else.
And if all that weren’t enough...she knew she hadn’t been as careful with her modesty around him as she was around other men. She must have seemed horribly brazen to him. Maker’s breath, just now she had bathed Anders. He’d been completely naked--and she’d--she’d--
But he’d told her he didn’t fancy women...hadn’t he? She’d asked him about Karl...
Hawke let her body slide to the floor. He hadn’t said anything about women, she realized. He’d just told her Karl had been his lover. He had said it just now--he’d been with both women and men in the past. And she was a complete and utter fool.
No. Wait a minute. She hadn’t just been making assumptions. She’d been sure. Someone had told her that Anders only fancied men. It had been three years ago, but Hawke hadn’t forgotten.
Isabela had told her that.
Hawke scrambled to her feet. A minute later she was knocking on her mother’s bedroom door.
Leandra peered out at her daughter in surprise. “Is something wrong?”
“Yes. No. I need you to do me a favor. Anders is here, sleeping in my bed. He’ll probably be out for hours, but can you keep an ear out? Check on him if you hear him calling or anything?”
“Anders...is sleeping in your bed? That rebel mage?”
“It’s not like that, Mother. He needed my help.”
Leandra frowned. “You need to be careful what signals you send to that man. He’s clearly smitten with you.”
Hawke just gaped at her mother.
“What?” Leandra said. “Surely you can see that for yourself?”
Hawke groaned. “I need to go out. I’ll be back soon.”
-----
Isabela had thought it was going to be a boring night, but that was before Hawke stormed through the doors of the tavern, eyes blazing. She came straight up to where Isabela was standing and slammed a hand down on the bar.
“Anders does not play for the other team!”
Ah! Isabela hid her grin. So Hawke had finally figured it out. Which meant that something must have finally happened between Hawke and Anders to tip her off.
“I’m not sure what you mean,” Isabela said innocently. “Anders doesn’t play any sports, does he?”
“Not sports,” Hawke hissed. “Romance. Anders doesn’t only fancy men.”
“Of course not,” Isabela replied in mock surprise. “Anders is an equal opportunity lover. Didn’t he tell you that?”
Hawke sputtered, and Isabela smiled to herself. Oh, this was good.
“You told me Anders was only interested in men romantically. Three years ago!”
“Really?” Isabela pretended to bite her lip. “I must have been confused.”
“Isabela!”
“Well, now, where’s the harm done? You and Anders are attached at the hip these days. You must have figured all that out ages ago.”
Hawke glared at Isabela. Then suddenly, she slumped.
“Maker,” she said, “what am I going to do now?”
“Well, if you want my suggestion on what to do, I suggest you do Anders.”
Hawke gave Isabela a dirty look. “Don’t you start with me. You’re lucky you haven’t got a greatsword through your belly.”
Isabela wasn’t worried. There was no heat in her friend’s voice. “Don’t be angry, kitten. You used to get so nervous around Anders. Bethany and I just wanted you to be able to relax around him. So he could get to know how amazing you really are.”
Hawke gaped at Isabela. “Bethany was in on this?”
“And it worked, didn’t it?”
Hawke put her head in her hands. “I almost wish I still didn’t know. I--I don’t even know how I’m supposed to act around him anymore. What if I say the wrong thing, or--”
“I don’t think you have anything to worry on that front,” Isabela interrupted. “Anders has been in love with you for years.”
Hawke stared. “My mother just said the same thing. Am I the only person who hasn’t seen it?”
“Yes,” Isabela said with certainty.
“But what if I say something stupid?” Hawke’s forehead was creased adorably. “It was one thing when I thought he wasn’t interested, but now...do you know how bad I am with men?”
“Hawke,” Isabela reminded her, “he’s been your best friend for three years. How can you have trouble talking to him now?”
“You must never have seen me try to flirt. I’m terrible. I sound like I ought to be standing under a red lantern.”
“Then that’s just about perfect,” Isabela said. “The man’s been holding out for long enough. Go ahead and throw yourself at him. If that doesn’t snap his control, I don’t know what will.”
Hawke glanced nervously at the door. “He’s at my house right now. He’s sleeping in my bed.”
Isabela threw up her hands. “And you left him there?”
Hawke frowned.
“Okay.” Isabela rubbed her forehead. “Clearly, this is going to take more work than I anticipated.”
Hawke sighed. “If only Bethany were here. She was always so good about this sort of thing.”
Isabela fought a sudden wave of bitterness. Hawke was right. Bethany should be here, and her absence was proof that the only justice in this world was living in Anders’s head.
Well, Bethany wasn’t here, but Isabela was. Helping out her sister was the least the pirate could do for Bethany. She wasn’t as good as the mage at this kind of thing, but...she would do her best.
“You’ve got me,” Isabela offered.
Hawke chewed on her bottom lip. “So what do you think I should do?”
“Go home, Hawke. Go home and wake Anders up.”
“Wake him up?”
“As creatively as possible.”
Hawke blushed scarlet. “I couldn’t do that. What if he...pushed me away?”
“Trust me. He won’t push you away. When he wakes up to find you in bed with him, he’s going to think all his name days have come at once.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Isabela rolled her eyes. “Because I’ve been watching the two of you pine after each other for three years now. Enough is enough. Give the poor man a break. Give yourself a break. The two of you deserve a bit of happiness.”
“But...what will I say? What will I do?”
Isabela smiled inwardly. In the last three years they’d faced all kinds of enemies, but Hawke had never looked as terrified as she did now.
She contemplated several descriptive suggestions before deciding that in this case, simplest would be best. “It doesn’t matter, love. There’s not a wrong way to do this. If you’re really not sure, you can’t go wrong with a kiss.” She raised her eyebrows. “And if you’re feeling feisty, you can get creative about where to plant it.”
Hawke reached out and snagged the drink from Isabela’s hands, downing the entire thing.
“I’m going to regret this,” she muttered.
“No, you’re not,” Isabela said confidently.
-----
Hawke hesitated outside her bedroom door.
Just do it, she told herself. Just like Isabela said. Just go in there...climb into bed with him...kiss him....
Her pulse was hammering.
She tried to picture it: pressing her body up next to him as he slept, touching his lips with her own....
But what if Isabela was wrong and he didn’t want her? She didn’t want to imagine it, but she couldn’t help it. In her mind’s eye, she saw Anders recoiling from her touch, his brown eyes staring at her in disgust....
He won’t do that. Everyone’s sure he’s in love with you. He’s not going to reject you.
What if everyone’s wrong?
Hawke remembered the way he looked at her from the bathtub earlier, the way his eyes smoldered as she crossed the room to him, and thought that maybe...maybe they weren’t wrong.
She opened the door as quietly as possible.
Anders lay on the bed, face up, his limbs sticking out in all directions, the covers half-kicked off his body. His mouth was open, and he was snoring lightly.
Hawke’s lip quirked up in an involuntary smile. He looked...adorable.
She didn’t have to start anything. She could just climb into bed and cuddle up next to him. It would be so nice just to sleep with him....
No. She realized now that she just couldn’t do it. What if she disturbed him? He needed sleep so badly. She couldn’t risk interrupting that.
She would go sleep on the library sofa. He’d be there in the morning, and then...they would talk.
-----
When Hawke awoke, light was streaming in through the library windows. The angle of the sun was far too high for early morning. Hawke blinked sleepily. The events of the night before came rushing back to her, and she sat up.
Anders.
Hawke leapt to her feet and rushed out of the room.
At her bedroom door she stopped, breathless. Slowly, she raised a hand and knocked softly.
“Anders?” she said quietly, and opened the door.
The room was empty. The bed had been made up neatly, and a folded note sat on top of it.
Hawke picked up the note and read.
Dear Autumn,
I can’t thank you enough for your kindness last night. I apologize for the state I was in. I never meant to be a burden to you. You are a far better friend than I deserve.
The clinic needs me this morning; I’ve neglected it for too long. Please forgive me for not saying goodbye. I didn’t want to wake you. I am sure I will see you again soon.
Yours,
Anders
Hawke sat down on the bed.
It didn’t mean anything, she told herself. She hadn’t missed her chance. Anders just had to leave.
She could go by his clinic today, she decided. It was only polite that she do that anyway, to make sure he was all right. And if something should happen...
She was supposed to meet Varric, Merrill, and Isabela and go speak to the viscount. In...half an hour, she realized, glancing at the clock. When they were done, well, she would just stop by Darktown and pay her favorite healer a little visit.
-----
Isabela, Varric, and Merrill had been waiting outside the Viscount’s Keep for ten minutes. Isabela thought that was a good sign.
When Hawke finally came running up, her hair was mussed and she was out of breath. That was also a good sign.
But then she looked at Hawke’s face.
“Shit,” Isabela said. “You didn’t do it.”
Hawke’s mouth fell open. “How do you know?”
“Because, sweet thing,” Isabela said with a sigh, “if you’d done it, you’d be smiling.”
Many, many thanks to the amazing Aphreal for making the whole thing readable.
Title: A Little White Lie - part 9/?
Author: signcherie
Rating: T for this chapter
Pairing: Anders/f!Hawke
Spoilers: possible through middle of Act 2
Summary: Hawke is awkward with men. To get her to loosen up around Anders, Bethany and Isabela tell her that the apostate is only romantically interested...in other men.
crossposting to knickerweasels
If you missed the beginning, previous chapters are archived here
And the whole thing on the kink meme.
Hawke closed the bedroom door behind her and leaned back on it for support. Anders’s words echoed in her head.
No woman’s ever been this good to me....No woman I’ve ever been with--no woman or man--has meant to me what you do.
Anders did not only fancy men.
Anders liked women. He had had relationships with women.
Anders was attracted to women!
Horrified, Autumn thought back on all the things she’d said and done in his presence over the last few years. Oh, Maker--she’d asked him about what two men did in bed while cuddling up with him in the Deep Roads. And before that--when they were just getting to know each other, she’d told him all about her little crush on Seamus Dumar. Suddenly his seeming outrage was put in a whole new context. Was it possible he’d been jealous?
Andraste’s flaming pyre. That night in the clinic, when she’d thought he might kiss her--he had been about to kiss her!
It didn’t stop there. Three years worth of awkward situations came tumbling back. Mortified, Autumn recalled a time in the Hanged Man when Anders had turned down a young man’s attentions. Despite her dread of losing Anders to someone else, she’d peppered him with questions, trying to figure out why he’d refused, until he’d finally gotten up and left the table. She hadn’t understood at the time...but he must have thought she was trying to pawn him off on someone else.
And if all that weren’t enough...she knew she hadn’t been as careful with her modesty around him as she was around other men. She must have seemed horribly brazen to him. Maker’s breath, just now she had bathed Anders. He’d been completely naked--and she’d--she’d--
But he’d told her he didn’t fancy women...hadn’t he? She’d asked him about Karl...
Hawke let her body slide to the floor. He hadn’t said anything about women, she realized. He’d just told her Karl had been his lover. He had said it just now--he’d been with both women and men in the past. And she was a complete and utter fool.
No. Wait a minute. She hadn’t just been making assumptions. She’d been sure. Someone had told her that Anders only fancied men. It had been three years ago, but Hawke hadn’t forgotten.
Isabela had told her that.
Hawke scrambled to her feet. A minute later she was knocking on her mother’s bedroom door.
Leandra peered out at her daughter in surprise. “Is something wrong?”
“Yes. No. I need you to do me a favor. Anders is here, sleeping in my bed. He’ll probably be out for hours, but can you keep an ear out? Check on him if you hear him calling or anything?”
“Anders...is sleeping in your bed? That rebel mage?”
“It’s not like that, Mother. He needed my help.”
Leandra frowned. “You need to be careful what signals you send to that man. He’s clearly smitten with you.”
Hawke just gaped at her mother.
“What?” Leandra said. “Surely you can see that for yourself?”
Hawke groaned. “I need to go out. I’ll be back soon.”
-----
Isabela had thought it was going to be a boring night, but that was before Hawke stormed through the doors of the tavern, eyes blazing. She came straight up to where Isabela was standing and slammed a hand down on the bar.
“Anders does not play for the other team!”
Ah! Isabela hid her grin. So Hawke had finally figured it out. Which meant that something must have finally happened between Hawke and Anders to tip her off.
“I’m not sure what you mean,” Isabela said innocently. “Anders doesn’t play any sports, does he?”
“Not sports,” Hawke hissed. “Romance. Anders doesn’t only fancy men.”
“Of course not,” Isabela replied in mock surprise. “Anders is an equal opportunity lover. Didn’t he tell you that?”
Hawke sputtered, and Isabela smiled to herself. Oh, this was good.
“You told me Anders was only interested in men romantically. Three years ago!”
“Really?” Isabela pretended to bite her lip. “I must have been confused.”
“Isabela!”
“Well, now, where’s the harm done? You and Anders are attached at the hip these days. You must have figured all that out ages ago.”
Hawke glared at Isabela. Then suddenly, she slumped.
“Maker,” she said, “what am I going to do now?”
“Well, if you want my suggestion on what to do, I suggest you do Anders.”
Hawke gave Isabela a dirty look. “Don’t you start with me. You’re lucky you haven’t got a greatsword through your belly.”
Isabela wasn’t worried. There was no heat in her friend’s voice. “Don’t be angry, kitten. You used to get so nervous around Anders. Bethany and I just wanted you to be able to relax around him. So he could get to know how amazing you really are.”
Hawke gaped at Isabela. “Bethany was in on this?”
“And it worked, didn’t it?”
Hawke put her head in her hands. “I almost wish I still didn’t know. I--I don’t even know how I’m supposed to act around him anymore. What if I say the wrong thing, or--”
“I don’t think you have anything to worry on that front,” Isabela interrupted. “Anders has been in love with you for years.”
Hawke stared. “My mother just said the same thing. Am I the only person who hasn’t seen it?”
“Yes,” Isabela said with certainty.
“But what if I say something stupid?” Hawke’s forehead was creased adorably. “It was one thing when I thought he wasn’t interested, but now...do you know how bad I am with men?”
“Hawke,” Isabela reminded her, “he’s been your best friend for three years. How can you have trouble talking to him now?”
“You must never have seen me try to flirt. I’m terrible. I sound like I ought to be standing under a red lantern.”
“Then that’s just about perfect,” Isabela said. “The man’s been holding out for long enough. Go ahead and throw yourself at him. If that doesn’t snap his control, I don’t know what will.”
Hawke glanced nervously at the door. “He’s at my house right now. He’s sleeping in my bed.”
Isabela threw up her hands. “And you left him there?”
Hawke frowned.
“Okay.” Isabela rubbed her forehead. “Clearly, this is going to take more work than I anticipated.”
Hawke sighed. “If only Bethany were here. She was always so good about this sort of thing.”
Isabela fought a sudden wave of bitterness. Hawke was right. Bethany should be here, and her absence was proof that the only justice in this world was living in Anders’s head.
Well, Bethany wasn’t here, but Isabela was. Helping out her sister was the least the pirate could do for Bethany. She wasn’t as good as the mage at this kind of thing, but...she would do her best.
“You’ve got me,” Isabela offered.
Hawke chewed on her bottom lip. “So what do you think I should do?”
“Go home, Hawke. Go home and wake Anders up.”
“Wake him up?”
“As creatively as possible.”
Hawke blushed scarlet. “I couldn’t do that. What if he...pushed me away?”
“Trust me. He won’t push you away. When he wakes up to find you in bed with him, he’s going to think all his name days have come at once.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Isabela rolled her eyes. “Because I’ve been watching the two of you pine after each other for three years now. Enough is enough. Give the poor man a break. Give yourself a break. The two of you deserve a bit of happiness.”
“But...what will I say? What will I do?”
Isabela smiled inwardly. In the last three years they’d faced all kinds of enemies, but Hawke had never looked as terrified as she did now.
She contemplated several descriptive suggestions before deciding that in this case, simplest would be best. “It doesn’t matter, love. There’s not a wrong way to do this. If you’re really not sure, you can’t go wrong with a kiss.” She raised her eyebrows. “And if you’re feeling feisty, you can get creative about where to plant it.”
Hawke reached out and snagged the drink from Isabela’s hands, downing the entire thing.
“I’m going to regret this,” she muttered.
“No, you’re not,” Isabela said confidently.
-----
Hawke hesitated outside her bedroom door.
Just do it, she told herself. Just like Isabela said. Just go in there...climb into bed with him...kiss him....
Her pulse was hammering.
She tried to picture it: pressing her body up next to him as he slept, touching his lips with her own....
But what if Isabela was wrong and he didn’t want her? She didn’t want to imagine it, but she couldn’t help it. In her mind’s eye, she saw Anders recoiling from her touch, his brown eyes staring at her in disgust....
He won’t do that. Everyone’s sure he’s in love with you. He’s not going to reject you.
What if everyone’s wrong?
Hawke remembered the way he looked at her from the bathtub earlier, the way his eyes smoldered as she crossed the room to him, and thought that maybe...maybe they weren’t wrong.
She opened the door as quietly as possible.
Anders lay on the bed, face up, his limbs sticking out in all directions, the covers half-kicked off his body. His mouth was open, and he was snoring lightly.
Hawke’s lip quirked up in an involuntary smile. He looked...adorable.
She didn’t have to start anything. She could just climb into bed and cuddle up next to him. It would be so nice just to sleep with him....
No. She realized now that she just couldn’t do it. What if she disturbed him? He needed sleep so badly. She couldn’t risk interrupting that.
She would go sleep on the library sofa. He’d be there in the morning, and then...they would talk.
-----
When Hawke awoke, light was streaming in through the library windows. The angle of the sun was far too high for early morning. Hawke blinked sleepily. The events of the night before came rushing back to her, and she sat up.
Anders.
Hawke leapt to her feet and rushed out of the room.
At her bedroom door she stopped, breathless. Slowly, she raised a hand and knocked softly.
“Anders?” she said quietly, and opened the door.
The room was empty. The bed had been made up neatly, and a folded note sat on top of it.
Hawke picked up the note and read.
Dear Autumn,
I can’t thank you enough for your kindness last night. I apologize for the state I was in. I never meant to be a burden to you. You are a far better friend than I deserve.
The clinic needs me this morning; I’ve neglected it for too long. Please forgive me for not saying goodbye. I didn’t want to wake you. I am sure I will see you again soon.
Yours,
Anders
Hawke sat down on the bed.
It didn’t mean anything, she told herself. She hadn’t missed her chance. Anders just had to leave.
She could go by his clinic today, she decided. It was only polite that she do that anyway, to make sure he was all right. And if something should happen...
She was supposed to meet Varric, Merrill, and Isabela and go speak to the viscount. In...half an hour, she realized, glancing at the clock. When they were done, well, she would just stop by Darktown and pay her favorite healer a little visit.
-----
Isabela, Varric, and Merrill had been waiting outside the Viscount’s Keep for ten minutes. Isabela thought that was a good sign.
When Hawke finally came running up, her hair was mussed and she was out of breath. That was also a good sign.
But then she looked at Hawke’s face.
“Shit,” Isabela said. “You didn’t do it.”
Hawke’s mouth fell open. “How do you know?”
“Because, sweet thing,” Isabela said with a sigh, “if you’d done it, you’d be smiling.”