A Little White Lie: part 4
Things are starting to heat up between Anders and Hawke. This chapter brings us up-to-date with everything I've got up on the kink meme so far. Please comment if you like it--here or there or both--comments keep me inspired. :D
Title: A Little White Lie - part 4/?
Author: signcherie
Rating: M (Yes, the rating on this chapter has jumped up a notch)
Pairing: Anders/f!Hawke, a bit of Bethany/Isabela in this chapter
Summary: Hawke is awkward with men. To get her to loosen up around Anders, Bethany and Isabela tell her that the apostate is only romantically interested...in other men.
Part one
Part two
Part three
The whole thing on the kink meme
crossposting to knickerweasels
“I don’t understand what went wrong,” Bethany said, fiddling with a strand of her hair. “Autumn is brilliant now. Why hasn’t Anders jumped on her already?”
Much to Isabela’s surprise, Bethany had shown up--alone--at the Hanged Man at an ungodly hour of the night, claiming she had sneaked out of her Lowtown home down the street while her sister was sleeping. Bethany was concerned about their little project: Hawke and Anders. It had been weeks, and Anders still hadn’t succumbed to temptation and pounced on Hawke, despite the fact that she was now, unwittingly, an absolutely brilliant tease. Any other man would have taken Hawke to bed ages ago, but not Anders. He clung to his resolve.
Isabela had been watching them, searching for some sign that their relationship was changing, some hint of budding romance, but there was nothing different about them. Just the same repressed sexual tension. Which was why Bethany was here now, worrying about them.
Isabela was more than a little drunk at the moment, but she set her drink down on the bar and forced herself to focus on the problem at hand. “Anders has willpower of steel, apparently. Maybe he was the wrong target for Hawke. We could start over with someone else. Fenris seems to like her.”
Bethany shook her head. “It’s too late for that. Sister is too far gone for Anders now. And even if we tried, she would never believe the same line about Fenris. We’d just give away our lie.”
Isabela took another drink. “You know, maybe your sister should just give up on men altogether and switch to women.” She raised her eyebrows at Bethany. “I’d be happy to show her what she’s been missing.”
Bethany covered her face. “Isabela!”
Isabela grinned. Bethany was adorable when she said her name that way, all shocked and horrified. “Jealous, love? The offer is open for her gorgeous sister, as well.”
“Stop it, Isabela. We’re talking about Autumn and Anders. I’m...not sure we did the right thing.” Bethany continued to fiddle with her hair, a cute nervous habit that Isabela didn’t remember seeing before.
“You worry too much. It was just a little white lie, kitten. Anyway, it’s not over yet. Give it some time. With the way Hawke is throwing herself at him, Anders can’t hold out forever.”
Bethany bit her lip. “I hope you’re right. Everyone deserves the chance to feel wanted.”
Isabela paused. It was an offhand comment, but something in Bethany’s tone wasn’t offhand at all.
Normally, Isabela would let this kind of thing go. But she was well past drunk and Bethany was looking even more beautiful than usual and, well--it was just too good an opportunity to pass up.
“If I didn’t know better, kitten,” Isabela murmured, “I might think you were lonely.”
Bethany blinked at her, still fiddling with her hair. “Don’t be silly. I...I’m fine. I was just talking about Autumn.”
She wasn’t a very good liar.
Isabela reached out, took the strand of hair from the younger woman’s fingers, and tucked it back behind her ear, noting with pleasure that Bethany blushed prettily at her touch.
“Don’t you know what it’s like to be wanted?”
“Isabela,” Bethany protested, but her voice was little more than a whisper, and her eyes were wide and temptingly innocent as they stared into Isabela’s.
She does want this, the pirate realized, and a shiver ran down her spine. She hadn’t really thought that Bethany might go for it, but suddenly she was tingling with anticipation.
Still, she would go slow. She wouldn’t push herself on the mage. She would make sure Bethany wanted this, every step of the way.
“If you don’t like this,” Isabela said softly, “tell me to stop.”
She cupped Bethany’s cheek in her hand and laid a kiss on her mouth.
It was soft, and brief, just the slightest brushing of lips, but it sent a wave of pleasure through Isabela’s body. When she pulled back, she was pleased to see that Bethany’s eyes were still closed, her breath coming quickly, her lips just slightly parted.
The sight was magnificent.
“I want you, kitten,” Isabela whispered. “Come back to my room.”
“I couldn’t...” Bethany’s half-hearted protest trailed off.
Isabela kissed her again, just a touch harder, just a touch longer. “I won’t force you, sweet thing. I want you to want this, too. But I don’t believe in missing opportunities. Do you?”
“No. I mean, yes. I...I don’t know. I can’t...I’ve never...”
Isabela ran a hand down Bethany’s neck, over the smooth skin of her shoulder. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, love.”
Bethany bit her lip, indecision in her eyes. Isabela said nothing. With someone else, she would be more forceful, showing the other woman exactly what she had to offer. But that wouldn’t be right with Bethany.
“Yes,” Bethany whispered. “Yes. I want this.”
Isabela smiled and held out her hand. Wordlessly, Bethany took it and followed Isabela to her room.
-----
Bethany woke before Isabela.
The lovely pirate lay next to her, luxuriant black hair fanned out on her pillow. Her warm, brown skin glowed in the early morning sun creeping in through the window.
The sun. Bethany wanted to stay, to curl up in Isabela’s arms, to see where their passion might take them this morning, but she knew she didn’t have the luxury. If the sun was up, so was Autumn, which meant that very shortly there would be a panic at Gamlen’s house when they discovered her gone.
Last night had been...amazing. She hadn’t known anything could be like that. Isabela was soft and warm, sensual and passionate, gentle and exciting. She’d taken Bethany to places she’d never dreamed of with a sweet wildness that left her breathless and gasping.
Bethany had wondered, in her most secret thoughts, what it might be like to...make love to a woman. To make love to Isabela. But she hadn’t expected it to be so wonderful.
She wanted nothing more than to stay right here in Isabela’s embrace. But she couldn’t tarry, no matter how much she wanted to. If she left now, she could convince Autumn she’d just gone out for an early morning walk.
With a sigh, she began hunting for her robes.
-----
Isabela woke up to the sound of rustling. Lazily, she rolled over and opened an eye. Bethany was sitting on the edge of the bed, gathering the scattered remnants of her clothing.
Isabela sat up. “People don’t usually leave my bed until I’m ready for them to,” she joked lightly.
“I’m sorry,” Bethany said, blushing. “Last night was...wonderful. I...thank you.”
Her eyes were serious, and Isabela was concerned. This was usually the point where a new lover wanted to “define their relationship.” And sure enough, Bethany seemed to be preparing herself to say something.
Isabela braced herself for it.
“I’ll be leaving for the Deep Roads tomorrow,” Bethany said.
That was not what Isabela had expected.
“So soon?” she said. “I’ll be coming, too, won’t I?”
Bethany shook her head. “I don’t think so. Sister is just planning to take me and Anders, and of course Varric will be there.”
“Oh,” said Isabela.
She wasn’t quite sure how she felt. She hadn’t given too much thought to the Deep Roads expedition before, certainly not enough to be concerned. Now she felt a knot of...something...deep in her gut.
It was probably just hunger, Isabela thought, brushing it off. Bethany, Hawke, Anders, and Varric were all more than capable of handling themselves in any battle.
Bethany smiled at her, a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’ll be back before you know it. Then...if you want to, we can pick this up where we left off. If you want to.”
The mage leaned over and kissed Isabela on the cheek.
Isabela grabbed Bethany’s hand. “Come back tonight,” she said.
Bethany hesitated, then nodded. “If I can get away, I’ll come.”
-----
Leandra’s pleading eyes bored holes into Hawke’s heart.
To take Bethany...or leave her. Until that moment, it hadn’t occurred to Hawke not to bring her sister. She depended on her too much. With Bethany by her side, she was confident they could meet every threat.
But what if they couldn’t?
She saw what her mother must see. Her two remaining children, disappearing into a wilderness of monsters. The same monsters that had already killed her son. If something went wrong, she would lose both Autumn and Bethany in one fell swoop. Her entire family, gone.
On the other hand, there were the templars. It wasn’t exactly a secret anymore what Bethany was. Most of the underworld knew, thanks to Athenril and her smugglers. And that knight-captain, Cullen...Hawke had seen the glances he’d given Bethany. She had the strong suspicion that it was only his belief in Hawke’s ability to control her sister, coupled with his gratitude for their help, that kept him from locking Bethany up. But if Hawke wasn’t here....
“It’s the templars or the darkspawn, Mother,” Bethany said fiercely, voicing Autumn’s concerns. “At least I’m allowed to fight darkspawn.”
Behind her, Bartrand muttered something about needing to decide.
Hawke met her mother’s eyes and faced down her imploring stare. She saw the horror beginning to dawn in Leandra’s expression.
“I’m sorry, Mother,” Hawke whispered.
Her mother was obviously struggling to hold herself together. “Bethany, I beg you. Don’t go. Don’t do this!”
Hawke didn’t hear Bethany’s words of reassurance. She only saw the heartbroken, accusing look Leandra flashed at Autumn before turning away.
Anders came up behind her and put a hand on Hawke’s shoulder. “Are you all right?” he said gently.
Hawke closed her eyes, grateful for Anders’s presence. “I will be,” she said.
“It’ll be okay,” Anders promised, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “We won’t let anything happen to Bethany.”
-----
It was blasted cold in the Deep Roads.
Well, okay, the entire Deep Roads weren’t cold, but it was cold here, wherever here was. They were apparently in a part of the underground where there was very little lava to provide heat and light.
Hawke had given her extra blanket to Bethany, and now she was freezing. She had just climbed under her remaining covers and was quickly realizing that there was no way to sleep in this blighted cold.
“Shit,” she heard Anders say.
Hawke turned over to see Anders had paused in setting up his own bedroll and was staring at her. Around them, most of the expedition was getting ready for bed. Varric was still talking to Bartrand, and Bethany was fast asleep.
“You’re freezing, aren’t you? Shit,” Anders repeated.
“I’m fine.” Hawke frowned stubbornly at him.
Anders sighed. “Spare me the ‘I’m so tough’ routine. If you shake any harder, you’ll bring the ceiling down on top of us.”
With a groan, he tossed a blanket at Hawke. “There. Take it. You’ll sleep better.”
Hawke caught the blanket and looked at Anders. The two blankets he had left were both thin and tattered. He would turn into an icicle if he tried to sleep with just them.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not taking your blanket.”
“I think the polite way to accept a gift is with a ‘thank you.’”
“I’m not taking your blanket.”
“Autumn, you’ll freeze.”
Hawke stood up, grabbed her entire bedroll, and dragged it over next to Anders. “This is silly,” she told him. “We’re both mature adults. We’ll share our blankets.”
Anders stood still. “You don’t have to do that,” he told her.
Hawke knew she didn’t have to, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to.
“It makes the most sense,” she pointed out. “We’d keep each other warm. Body heat and all that. If...if you don’t find the idea too unpleasant.”
Anders made a strange noise. “No, of course I don’t.”
Hawke arranged the blankets and climbed under them, holding them up for Anders to join her.
Anders was looking at her with some indefinable emotion on his face. Hawke began to fear she’d put him off.
“Is...something wrong?” Hawke asked.
Anders shook his head and climbed under the blankets next to her. His arms slid comfortably, naturally around her.
Hawke sighed with pleasure. Almost immediately, her shivering stopped. This was warm and perfect and wonderful. Without thinking, she put her arms around Anders’s waist and curled her body closer to his.
Anders drew in a breath.
Immediately, Hawke stiffened. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Does this bother you?”
“No,” Anders whispered, putting a hand on her head and drawing it against his chest. “You were right. Body heat and all that.”
Hawke relaxed in his arms.
She wouldn’t make the same mistake that she’d made in the clinic. Hawke knew that this was strictly platonic. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t pretend.
In fact, it was very hard not to, being this close to him. In another world, in another life, they might be lovers, curled up in each other’s arms not for protection against the cold, but for the safety and warmth of a loved one’s embrace. If things weren’t how they were, Hawke would tilt her head back and kiss his face. First she would kiss his cheeks, then his forehead, then his adorable nose, before letting him claim her mouth with his own and getting swept away with passion. She wondered if his stubble would scratch her, and then thought she would probably like it.
Not for the first time, Hawke wondered what kind of kisser Anders would be. Strong and insistent? Soft and gentle? Warm and firm? She wondered what it would be like to kiss his ears, his neck, his shoulders. What it would be like to touch his body.
There was so much she didn’t know. She wasn’t a virgin or anything, but she was hardly experienced, either. A couple of fumbled encounters with teenage boys in Lothering could hardly be considered educational.
Anders dipped his head so that his cheek was resting against Hawke’s hair. “Is this okay?” he whispered.
“Mmm,” Hawke replied.
A question came into Hawke’s mind, the kind of question she usually felt shy about asking. But there was no reason she shouldn’t ask it--she and Anders often talked about all sorts of things, some of them very personal. And Anders didn’t know what her feelings for him were. It would just seem like idle curiosity.
Besides, surely it was more conspicuous if she avoided the topic of his interest in men. If she talked about it like it was no big deal, he’d be less likely to guess how she really felt about him.
“Anders?”
“Yes, Autumn?”
“Can--can I ask you something? It’s kind of personal.”
“You can ask me anything.”
“I just was wondering--is it different when a man makes love to another man? I mean, does he do things differently? Besides the obvious, of course.”
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Hawke realized how stupid the question was. How was he supposed to know if it was different?
Anders paused. “Are you sure you’re okay with that? With...my past, I mean?”
So much for being less conspicuous. She felt like a complete fool. “Of course I am!” she told him. She would have pulled back to look at him, but she was too embarrassed. “I like you for who you are. Everything about you. I hope you know that by now.”
“I do. But...I’m not sure I understand your question.”
“I just meant--” Hawke was grateful that Anders couldn’t see her face. Why did she pick this of all times to have this conversation? “I’ve only been with a couple of guys. And one of them...well, he just sort of...did his thing. He wasn’t really paying attention to me at all. But the other...he was better. Nicer. He...made sure I enjoyed it, too.”
Anders didn’t respond, and Hawke struggled to gather her thoughts. “It made me think. It seems like men don’t need that much to...have a good time. But for women...it takes more work. So I wondered if men take that kind of time with each other? Or if they don’t even bother?”
Still Anders said nothing, and Hawke wanted to bury herself in the stone floor of the Deep Roads. “It’s a stupid question, I guess. You don’t have to answer it.”
“No,” Anders said. “It’s not a stupid question. I think the answer is, if he’s a decent sort, then a man will make sure his partner is enjoying it, whether it be a man or a woman. It shouldn’t make a difference.”
“That makes sense,” Hawke mumbled, pressing her face into his shirt.
“Autumn?” Anders whispered.
“Yes, Anders?”
There was a long silence.
“Nothing,” Anders said finally. “I just want you to know that it’s okay to ask me anything.”
Hawke curled up against Anders’s chest and went back to pretending. Anders began stroking her hair, and before she knew it, she had drifted off to sleep.
-----
Anders’s cock was hard as a tree.
That probably would have been inevitable in this situation, but Autumn’s choice of conversation hadn’t helped matters. Or it had helped, depending on how you looked at it. He had no right to be jealous, given his own wide and varied sexual past, but the thought of Autumn with other men was driving him crazy. Maker’s breath, there had only been two of them. How could he get worked up over that?
But...one of them had been “nicer.” Just what, exactly, did “nicer” mean? Part of him didn’t want to know, but then he thought it was worse not to. His imagination could come up with way too much on its own.
Rationally, he wanted her to have had good experiences. But when it came to Hawke, he wasn’t very rational at all. He could barely stand the thought of anyone else touching her. It made him want to ravish her himself until he’d erased all other men from her memory.
Autumn’s body was pressed tightly against his. If she moved even an inch, she would feel how hard he was for her. Her breasts were crushed against his chest. Her strong, shapely leg was curled up against his, and all he could think about was spreading those legs open and taking what he wanted. The only question was whether to start with his tongue or his cock.
His tongue, definitely. After the conversation they’d just had, there was no question. He wanted to make her moan and shudder and beg. He wanted to feel those strong legs clamped around his ears as he licked and sucked and tasted. Then he would take her, burying himself deep within her sheath. She would be hot and wet and wanting...
Anders made an involuntary, desperate noise low in his throat. His willpower was fast being reduced to tatters. The only thing that kept him hanging on at all was the presence of dozens of dwarves and hirelings all around them, many of whom were awake.
If they’d been alone, it would have been all over.
Anders buried his face in Autumn’s hair and tried to calm himself, focusing on the comfort of having her near. He felt the slow rise and fall of her chest as she slept. During the day, she was fierce, a warrior to be feared, but now, in his arms, she was sweetly vulnerable. He realized suddenly what an honor it was that she trusted him this much, enough to sleep in his embrace. This would be the only time he’d be able to be so close to her. He’d best treasure every second of it.
Well, maybe not the only time. They would be making camp every night of their expedition, and Hawke would surely be cold again at some point.
Anders hoped so.
Title: A Little White Lie - part 4/?
Author: signcherie
Rating: M (Yes, the rating on this chapter has jumped up a notch)
Pairing: Anders/f!Hawke, a bit of Bethany/Isabela in this chapter
Summary: Hawke is awkward with men. To get her to loosen up around Anders, Bethany and Isabela tell her that the apostate is only romantically interested...in other men.
Part one
Part two
Part three
The whole thing on the kink meme
crossposting to knickerweasels
“I don’t understand what went wrong,” Bethany said, fiddling with a strand of her hair. “Autumn is brilliant now. Why hasn’t Anders jumped on her already?”
Much to Isabela’s surprise, Bethany had shown up--alone--at the Hanged Man at an ungodly hour of the night, claiming she had sneaked out of her Lowtown home down the street while her sister was sleeping. Bethany was concerned about their little project: Hawke and Anders. It had been weeks, and Anders still hadn’t succumbed to temptation and pounced on Hawke, despite the fact that she was now, unwittingly, an absolutely brilliant tease. Any other man would have taken Hawke to bed ages ago, but not Anders. He clung to his resolve.
Isabela had been watching them, searching for some sign that their relationship was changing, some hint of budding romance, but there was nothing different about them. Just the same repressed sexual tension. Which was why Bethany was here now, worrying about them.
Isabela was more than a little drunk at the moment, but she set her drink down on the bar and forced herself to focus on the problem at hand. “Anders has willpower of steel, apparently. Maybe he was the wrong target for Hawke. We could start over with someone else. Fenris seems to like her.”
Bethany shook her head. “It’s too late for that. Sister is too far gone for Anders now. And even if we tried, she would never believe the same line about Fenris. We’d just give away our lie.”
Isabela took another drink. “You know, maybe your sister should just give up on men altogether and switch to women.” She raised her eyebrows at Bethany. “I’d be happy to show her what she’s been missing.”
Bethany covered her face. “Isabela!”
Isabela grinned. Bethany was adorable when she said her name that way, all shocked and horrified. “Jealous, love? The offer is open for her gorgeous sister, as well.”
“Stop it, Isabela. We’re talking about Autumn and Anders. I’m...not sure we did the right thing.” Bethany continued to fiddle with her hair, a cute nervous habit that Isabela didn’t remember seeing before.
“You worry too much. It was just a little white lie, kitten. Anyway, it’s not over yet. Give it some time. With the way Hawke is throwing herself at him, Anders can’t hold out forever.”
Bethany bit her lip. “I hope you’re right. Everyone deserves the chance to feel wanted.”
Isabela paused. It was an offhand comment, but something in Bethany’s tone wasn’t offhand at all.
Normally, Isabela would let this kind of thing go. But she was well past drunk and Bethany was looking even more beautiful than usual and, well--it was just too good an opportunity to pass up.
“If I didn’t know better, kitten,” Isabela murmured, “I might think you were lonely.”
Bethany blinked at her, still fiddling with her hair. “Don’t be silly. I...I’m fine. I was just talking about Autumn.”
She wasn’t a very good liar.
Isabela reached out, took the strand of hair from the younger woman’s fingers, and tucked it back behind her ear, noting with pleasure that Bethany blushed prettily at her touch.
“Don’t you know what it’s like to be wanted?”
“Isabela,” Bethany protested, but her voice was little more than a whisper, and her eyes were wide and temptingly innocent as they stared into Isabela’s.
She does want this, the pirate realized, and a shiver ran down her spine. She hadn’t really thought that Bethany might go for it, but suddenly she was tingling with anticipation.
Still, she would go slow. She wouldn’t push herself on the mage. She would make sure Bethany wanted this, every step of the way.
“If you don’t like this,” Isabela said softly, “tell me to stop.”
She cupped Bethany’s cheek in her hand and laid a kiss on her mouth.
It was soft, and brief, just the slightest brushing of lips, but it sent a wave of pleasure through Isabela’s body. When she pulled back, she was pleased to see that Bethany’s eyes were still closed, her breath coming quickly, her lips just slightly parted.
The sight was magnificent.
“I want you, kitten,” Isabela whispered. “Come back to my room.”
“I couldn’t...” Bethany’s half-hearted protest trailed off.
Isabela kissed her again, just a touch harder, just a touch longer. “I won’t force you, sweet thing. I want you to want this, too. But I don’t believe in missing opportunities. Do you?”
“No. I mean, yes. I...I don’t know. I can’t...I’ve never...”
Isabela ran a hand down Bethany’s neck, over the smooth skin of her shoulder. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, love.”
Bethany bit her lip, indecision in her eyes. Isabela said nothing. With someone else, she would be more forceful, showing the other woman exactly what she had to offer. But that wouldn’t be right with Bethany.
“Yes,” Bethany whispered. “Yes. I want this.”
Isabela smiled and held out her hand. Wordlessly, Bethany took it and followed Isabela to her room.
-----
Bethany woke before Isabela.
The lovely pirate lay next to her, luxuriant black hair fanned out on her pillow. Her warm, brown skin glowed in the early morning sun creeping in through the window.
The sun. Bethany wanted to stay, to curl up in Isabela’s arms, to see where their passion might take them this morning, but she knew she didn’t have the luxury. If the sun was up, so was Autumn, which meant that very shortly there would be a panic at Gamlen’s house when they discovered her gone.
Last night had been...amazing. She hadn’t known anything could be like that. Isabela was soft and warm, sensual and passionate, gentle and exciting. She’d taken Bethany to places she’d never dreamed of with a sweet wildness that left her breathless and gasping.
Bethany had wondered, in her most secret thoughts, what it might be like to...make love to a woman. To make love to Isabela. But she hadn’t expected it to be so wonderful.
She wanted nothing more than to stay right here in Isabela’s embrace. But she couldn’t tarry, no matter how much she wanted to. If she left now, she could convince Autumn she’d just gone out for an early morning walk.
With a sigh, she began hunting for her robes.
-----
Isabela woke up to the sound of rustling. Lazily, she rolled over and opened an eye. Bethany was sitting on the edge of the bed, gathering the scattered remnants of her clothing.
Isabela sat up. “People don’t usually leave my bed until I’m ready for them to,” she joked lightly.
“I’m sorry,” Bethany said, blushing. “Last night was...wonderful. I...thank you.”
Her eyes were serious, and Isabela was concerned. This was usually the point where a new lover wanted to “define their relationship.” And sure enough, Bethany seemed to be preparing herself to say something.
Isabela braced herself for it.
“I’ll be leaving for the Deep Roads tomorrow,” Bethany said.
That was not what Isabela had expected.
“So soon?” she said. “I’ll be coming, too, won’t I?”
Bethany shook her head. “I don’t think so. Sister is just planning to take me and Anders, and of course Varric will be there.”
“Oh,” said Isabela.
She wasn’t quite sure how she felt. She hadn’t given too much thought to the Deep Roads expedition before, certainly not enough to be concerned. Now she felt a knot of...something...deep in her gut.
It was probably just hunger, Isabela thought, brushing it off. Bethany, Hawke, Anders, and Varric were all more than capable of handling themselves in any battle.
Bethany smiled at her, a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’ll be back before you know it. Then...if you want to, we can pick this up where we left off. If you want to.”
The mage leaned over and kissed Isabela on the cheek.
Isabela grabbed Bethany’s hand. “Come back tonight,” she said.
Bethany hesitated, then nodded. “If I can get away, I’ll come.”
-----
Leandra’s pleading eyes bored holes into Hawke’s heart.
To take Bethany...or leave her. Until that moment, it hadn’t occurred to Hawke not to bring her sister. She depended on her too much. With Bethany by her side, she was confident they could meet every threat.
But what if they couldn’t?
She saw what her mother must see. Her two remaining children, disappearing into a wilderness of monsters. The same monsters that had already killed her son. If something went wrong, she would lose both Autumn and Bethany in one fell swoop. Her entire family, gone.
On the other hand, there were the templars. It wasn’t exactly a secret anymore what Bethany was. Most of the underworld knew, thanks to Athenril and her smugglers. And that knight-captain, Cullen...Hawke had seen the glances he’d given Bethany. She had the strong suspicion that it was only his belief in Hawke’s ability to control her sister, coupled with his gratitude for their help, that kept him from locking Bethany up. But if Hawke wasn’t here....
“It’s the templars or the darkspawn, Mother,” Bethany said fiercely, voicing Autumn’s concerns. “At least I’m allowed to fight darkspawn.”
Behind her, Bartrand muttered something about needing to decide.
Hawke met her mother’s eyes and faced down her imploring stare. She saw the horror beginning to dawn in Leandra’s expression.
“I’m sorry, Mother,” Hawke whispered.
Her mother was obviously struggling to hold herself together. “Bethany, I beg you. Don’t go. Don’t do this!”
Hawke didn’t hear Bethany’s words of reassurance. She only saw the heartbroken, accusing look Leandra flashed at Autumn before turning away.
Anders came up behind her and put a hand on Hawke’s shoulder. “Are you all right?” he said gently.
Hawke closed her eyes, grateful for Anders’s presence. “I will be,” she said.
“It’ll be okay,” Anders promised, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “We won’t let anything happen to Bethany.”
-----
It was blasted cold in the Deep Roads.
Well, okay, the entire Deep Roads weren’t cold, but it was cold here, wherever here was. They were apparently in a part of the underground where there was very little lava to provide heat and light.
Hawke had given her extra blanket to Bethany, and now she was freezing. She had just climbed under her remaining covers and was quickly realizing that there was no way to sleep in this blighted cold.
“Shit,” she heard Anders say.
Hawke turned over to see Anders had paused in setting up his own bedroll and was staring at her. Around them, most of the expedition was getting ready for bed. Varric was still talking to Bartrand, and Bethany was fast asleep.
“You’re freezing, aren’t you? Shit,” Anders repeated.
“I’m fine.” Hawke frowned stubbornly at him.
Anders sighed. “Spare me the ‘I’m so tough’ routine. If you shake any harder, you’ll bring the ceiling down on top of us.”
With a groan, he tossed a blanket at Hawke. “There. Take it. You’ll sleep better.”
Hawke caught the blanket and looked at Anders. The two blankets he had left were both thin and tattered. He would turn into an icicle if he tried to sleep with just them.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not taking your blanket.”
“I think the polite way to accept a gift is with a ‘thank you.’”
“I’m not taking your blanket.”
“Autumn, you’ll freeze.”
Hawke stood up, grabbed her entire bedroll, and dragged it over next to Anders. “This is silly,” she told him. “We’re both mature adults. We’ll share our blankets.”
Anders stood still. “You don’t have to do that,” he told her.
Hawke knew she didn’t have to, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to.
“It makes the most sense,” she pointed out. “We’d keep each other warm. Body heat and all that. If...if you don’t find the idea too unpleasant.”
Anders made a strange noise. “No, of course I don’t.”
Hawke arranged the blankets and climbed under them, holding them up for Anders to join her.
Anders was looking at her with some indefinable emotion on his face. Hawke began to fear she’d put him off.
“Is...something wrong?” Hawke asked.
Anders shook his head and climbed under the blankets next to her. His arms slid comfortably, naturally around her.
Hawke sighed with pleasure. Almost immediately, her shivering stopped. This was warm and perfect and wonderful. Without thinking, she put her arms around Anders’s waist and curled her body closer to his.
Anders drew in a breath.
Immediately, Hawke stiffened. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Does this bother you?”
“No,” Anders whispered, putting a hand on her head and drawing it against his chest. “You were right. Body heat and all that.”
Hawke relaxed in his arms.
She wouldn’t make the same mistake that she’d made in the clinic. Hawke knew that this was strictly platonic. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t pretend.
In fact, it was very hard not to, being this close to him. In another world, in another life, they might be lovers, curled up in each other’s arms not for protection against the cold, but for the safety and warmth of a loved one’s embrace. If things weren’t how they were, Hawke would tilt her head back and kiss his face. First she would kiss his cheeks, then his forehead, then his adorable nose, before letting him claim her mouth with his own and getting swept away with passion. She wondered if his stubble would scratch her, and then thought she would probably like it.
Not for the first time, Hawke wondered what kind of kisser Anders would be. Strong and insistent? Soft and gentle? Warm and firm? She wondered what it would be like to kiss his ears, his neck, his shoulders. What it would be like to touch his body.
There was so much she didn’t know. She wasn’t a virgin or anything, but she was hardly experienced, either. A couple of fumbled encounters with teenage boys in Lothering could hardly be considered educational.
Anders dipped his head so that his cheek was resting against Hawke’s hair. “Is this okay?” he whispered.
“Mmm,” Hawke replied.
A question came into Hawke’s mind, the kind of question she usually felt shy about asking. But there was no reason she shouldn’t ask it--she and Anders often talked about all sorts of things, some of them very personal. And Anders didn’t know what her feelings for him were. It would just seem like idle curiosity.
Besides, surely it was more conspicuous if she avoided the topic of his interest in men. If she talked about it like it was no big deal, he’d be less likely to guess how she really felt about him.
“Anders?”
“Yes, Autumn?”
“Can--can I ask you something? It’s kind of personal.”
“You can ask me anything.”
“I just was wondering--is it different when a man makes love to another man? I mean, does he do things differently? Besides the obvious, of course.”
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Hawke realized how stupid the question was. How was he supposed to know if it was different?
Anders paused. “Are you sure you’re okay with that? With...my past, I mean?”
So much for being less conspicuous. She felt like a complete fool. “Of course I am!” she told him. She would have pulled back to look at him, but she was too embarrassed. “I like you for who you are. Everything about you. I hope you know that by now.”
“I do. But...I’m not sure I understand your question.”
“I just meant--” Hawke was grateful that Anders couldn’t see her face. Why did she pick this of all times to have this conversation? “I’ve only been with a couple of guys. And one of them...well, he just sort of...did his thing. He wasn’t really paying attention to me at all. But the other...he was better. Nicer. He...made sure I enjoyed it, too.”
Anders didn’t respond, and Hawke struggled to gather her thoughts. “It made me think. It seems like men don’t need that much to...have a good time. But for women...it takes more work. So I wondered if men take that kind of time with each other? Or if they don’t even bother?”
Still Anders said nothing, and Hawke wanted to bury herself in the stone floor of the Deep Roads. “It’s a stupid question, I guess. You don’t have to answer it.”
“No,” Anders said. “It’s not a stupid question. I think the answer is, if he’s a decent sort, then a man will make sure his partner is enjoying it, whether it be a man or a woman. It shouldn’t make a difference.”
“That makes sense,” Hawke mumbled, pressing her face into his shirt.
“Autumn?” Anders whispered.
“Yes, Anders?”
There was a long silence.
“Nothing,” Anders said finally. “I just want you to know that it’s okay to ask me anything.”
Hawke curled up against Anders’s chest and went back to pretending. Anders began stroking her hair, and before she knew it, she had drifted off to sleep.
-----
Anders’s cock was hard as a tree.
That probably would have been inevitable in this situation, but Autumn’s choice of conversation hadn’t helped matters. Or it had helped, depending on how you looked at it. He had no right to be jealous, given his own wide and varied sexual past, but the thought of Autumn with other men was driving him crazy. Maker’s breath, there had only been two of them. How could he get worked up over that?
But...one of them had been “nicer.” Just what, exactly, did “nicer” mean? Part of him didn’t want to know, but then he thought it was worse not to. His imagination could come up with way too much on its own.
Rationally, he wanted her to have had good experiences. But when it came to Hawke, he wasn’t very rational at all. He could barely stand the thought of anyone else touching her. It made him want to ravish her himself until he’d erased all other men from her memory.
Autumn’s body was pressed tightly against his. If she moved even an inch, she would feel how hard he was for her. Her breasts were crushed against his chest. Her strong, shapely leg was curled up against his, and all he could think about was spreading those legs open and taking what he wanted. The only question was whether to start with his tongue or his cock.
His tongue, definitely. After the conversation they’d just had, there was no question. He wanted to make her moan and shudder and beg. He wanted to feel those strong legs clamped around his ears as he licked and sucked and tasted. Then he would take her, burying himself deep within her sheath. She would be hot and wet and wanting...
Anders made an involuntary, desperate noise low in his throat. His willpower was fast being reduced to tatters. The only thing that kept him hanging on at all was the presence of dozens of dwarves and hirelings all around them, many of whom were awake.
If they’d been alone, it would have been all over.
Anders buried his face in Autumn’s hair and tried to calm himself, focusing on the comfort of having her near. He felt the slow rise and fall of her chest as she slept. During the day, she was fierce, a warrior to be feared, but now, in his arms, she was sweetly vulnerable. He realized suddenly what an honor it was that she trusted him this much, enough to sleep in his embrace. This would be the only time he’d be able to be so close to her. He’d best treasure every second of it.
Well, maybe not the only time. They would be making camp every night of their expedition, and Hawke would surely be cold again at some point.
Anders hoped so.