Equal rights are equal for everyone
I went to the gay marriage rally in downtown today. I was really heartened to see the diversity of people -- all colors, straight, gay, old, young (as young as 4 or 5), etc. There were 150-250 people there, but for this town, that's a lot. Particularly since the rally wasn't all that well advertised.
As I've said before, I grew up in an anti-gay household. To be honest, it was anti-anything that wasn't "us." My dad got really upset when one of his nieces was dating a Puerta Rican because he was "black." When I first told my parents about my relationship with my partner, my mother's response was "You know better than that." Like falling in love with a woman and finally feeling at home in my own skin is a choice. Like finally understanding why I felt uneasy and somewhat distrustful of men was a choice.
My partner was known as "that woman" for many, many months (she said she's always wanted to be "that woman" -- I can laugh about it now, but not then). For over six months, most phone calls with my mother ended in one of the two of us (usually her) hanging up on the other. I nearly walked away from them because they couldn't accept me -- as a college graduate, as a person, as anything that wasn't them.
It took 10 years, but they came to grudging acceptance. They actually treat her better than my in-laws (though that speaks more for how poorly the in-laws are treated than how well she is treated). Two things have made this happen. One, they realize that we are really, really committed to one another, no matter how tough things are. We have had several times where we needed to live apart to realize our professional aspirations; the longest separation has been over a year. Two, she's stuck with me through a number of health issues. When I feel like crap, I am not the easiest to put up with. But she has.
The acceptance isn't complete, but it's there. When my grandmother was dying and we were all at her bedside through the long night, I ended up falling asleep on my partner. I mentioned to my mother that one of my cousins was not responding terribly well to this and my mother's comment was that it was my cousin's problem that she couldn't accept our love.
My parents have introduced my partner as my partner to people in their neighborhood. If my parents can change this much in two decades, I have some hope for the rest of the country.
swell
As I've said before, I grew up in an anti-gay household. To be honest, it was anti-anything that wasn't "us." My dad got really upset when one of his nieces was dating a Puerta Rican because he was "black." When I first told my parents about my relationship with my partner, my mother's response was "You know better than that." Like falling in love with a woman and finally feeling at home in my own skin is a choice. Like finally understanding why I felt uneasy and somewhat distrustful of men was a choice.
My partner was known as "that woman" for many, many months (she said she's always wanted to be "that woman" -- I can laugh about it now, but not then). For over six months, most phone calls with my mother ended in one of the two of us (usually her) hanging up on the other. I nearly walked away from them because they couldn't accept me -- as a college graduate, as a person, as anything that wasn't them.
It took 10 years, but they came to grudging acceptance. They actually treat her better than my in-laws (though that speaks more for how poorly the in-laws are treated than how well she is treated). Two things have made this happen. One, they realize that we are really, really committed to one another, no matter how tough things are. We have had several times where we needed to live apart to realize our professional aspirations; the longest separation has been over a year. Two, she's stuck with me through a number of health issues. When I feel like crap, I am not the easiest to put up with. But she has.
The acceptance isn't complete, but it's there. When my grandmother was dying and we were all at her bedside through the long night, I ended up falling asleep on my partner. I mentioned to my mother that one of my cousins was not responding terribly well to this and my mother's comment was that it was my cousin's problem that she couldn't accept our love.
My parents have introduced my partner as my partner to people in their neighborhood. If my parents can change this much in two decades, I have some hope for the rest of the country.
swell