why dont the people from my past
leave their vengance there?
i never didn anything wrong, that i know of
yet here i am 
dealing with everything their still upset about.
i just want him to leave me alone
go away
and make him non-existant
from my life anymore.
i hate him so bad
its not fair. 
i just wanted to be happi
and he always said 
that as long as i was ( Read more... )

i feel like im losing touch with so many things.
i feel like things just arent going right.

on the outside, everything seems so nice.
on the outside, everything seems to simply sugar coated.

i feel like something bad is gonna happen.
i feel like things are just waiting to burst.

on the outside, ill just keep smiling.
on the outside, ill just keep on goin.

( Read more... )

it's strange
that at this moment in my life
everything is going fabulously.
i have a boyfriend who treats me like a princess
two new sisters who i love very much
my friends who are always there
(and who i should party with this weekend)
i jus got back from vacation
micaela who adores me
and mom and a dimmery who would do n e thing for me.

and yet
i still ( Read more... )

well im back
and i really did leave my heart in vegas
i cried
i cried so hard when i left the air port
but surprizingly
it wasnt because i miss the city.
dont get me wrong, i love the city.
it makes me feel so different. 
even my eyes are different there.
they sparkel more,
and the city just makes me feel alive. 
its so amazing there.
but when i left there i ( Read more... )

so i havnt updated since febuary second
and when i went to log in here i almost forgot my password lol
its been a while, and i was expecting
to come back on and find a lot more than i did.
oh well.

so im leaving for vegas in 48 hours
i must say i am throughly excited
to finally see the city. 
i fear though
that once i get there
i wont want to leave.
i always ( Read more... )

so i got kicked out of my house by my grandparents last night

they told me that i am not welcome there any more, so i left and went to my moms house around midnight.

and now there saying there sorry and that they miss me and that they want me to come back. well i have decided i am not going back untill monday.

since this is julie updateing for me i ( Read more... )

in my past life
i must have killed children or something
thats the only explination i can think of for having such a 
fucked up, shitty, life like this one.
i mean damn 
im not sure what i would have had to do
to be punnished like this.

i havnt felt like this in so long
not since i was like sixteen
sixteen was the absolute worst year of my life
for a number of reasons.
the whole lance thing
my dad passing away
andi tried to kill myself twice.
since then things were so much better.
sure i had my bad times, 
but i never got back to being that bad.
but now 
its like its all back
three fold.
and i ( Read more... )

i feel like im drowning
like im fighting a current thats just too strong for me.
i keep fighting to break the surface
and my body grows weaker and weaker.
the water is an icy cold
it feels like a million kinves stabbing me all over.
my arms continue to grow heavier and heavier
and when i stop moving
and the water stops splashing
no one notices that im even ( Read more... )

this is valentines day through my eyes
and i know for damn sure im not the only one.
enjoy kids.

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( Read more... )