I wish I could be seventeen again with my blue hair and my bluer heart, listening to over-sized headphones on the MAX during one of Portland's many rainstorms. I've already lost too much as an adult.

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?

My heart is heavy and my life isn't the same but I'm still here, always smiling.

I will forever love those who pulled me out of the darkness of the last four months.

Matt died two days ago. I can't deal with this.

It's been a really long time since I took more than a two-line effort to update this thing. A lot has changed over the last nineteen weeks I've been off this thing. I feel like I'm almost a completely different person. I've been seeing things I've only heard about. I've learned things I never thought I'd learn about guns, drugs, people. Buckshot, ( Read more... )

I have a feeling something amazing is about to happen.

My heart is broken and everything hurts.

But I know it'll all be okay eventually.

I fucking hate the holidays.

Sometimes I think back on my past and I feel as if my only regret has been the fact that these boys had known me and loved me while I was too troubled to love them back properly. Matt and I make two years in five days and we just couldn't be happier. We've grown so much, and I think the reason why we're so close is because we're learning and ( Read more... )

I like to look back on my LJ rantings and find a reason to laugh at my despair.

I love to rant like a child sometimes because I know I can't be one in the real world.

I haven't updated this thing in a long, long while. I've realized that this is probably the only thing I can use to vent and be completely brutally honest without getting me in trouble. I'm tired of my family finding me on MySpace. It irks me in a way that is somewhat hard to describe because of the fact that it feels like the whole situation is so ( Read more... )