Bad Influence Chapter 2
Title: Bad Influence
Pairing: Yunho x Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, no one in this story will ever be mine.
Genre: Angst, drama, romance
Length: Chaptered
Warnings: Unbeta-ed, use of drugs and alcohol
Summary: When DBSK is preparing for their comeback, Jaejoong meets trainee and background dancer Park Jae Sun. Jaejoong befriends him but soon it becomes clear that Jae Sun is a very bad influence. Jaejoong finds himself in the world of parties, alcohol and drugs; he's slowly losing his grip on his career and his old self. Will he be able to snap out of it before it's too late?
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
"Wow, so you've lived in America?" Jaejoong asked. He didn't even know why he was impressed by this mere fact because it wasn't supposed to be something impressive - it was just a birthplace. But the raven-haired boy had always found himself impressed when he heard people speak English. Even when Yoochun would just babble something in English, Jaejoong would find himself staring at the boy and marveling about his nice accent and his deep voice.
"Yes, I was born there, you know," Jae Sun smiled. The look in his eyes was slightly amused, he didn't get the admiration of his sunbae either. "They called me Jason Park there but I became a trainee for SM a year ago so I came to South Korea. I'm glad I'm raised bilingual because it made things a lot easier."
"Wait wait wait! Where did you live in America? Maybe... Virginia? FAIRFAX? Maybe you lived in the same city as Yoochun!" Jaejoong smiled at the other boy expectantly, almost bouncing off his chair. Of course, he realized that America was huge but come on... how nice would it be if this were the case?
"I'm sorry to disappoint you," Jae Sun laughed, "but I'm from New York."
"...Oh." Jaejoong couldn't help but look disappointed and even though he didn't mean to, he pouted, while he stared at his glass Fanta which was placed before him.
Jae Sun burst out laughing. "How old are you? Stop doing your aegyo, it's weird when someone's older! Are you trying to relive your youth? You're even drinking Fanta."
Jaejoong couldn't help but chuckle. How ironic, he was the one who drank the most alcohol in DBSK but this guy was accusing him of drinking something childish. "Yah yah, there's no need to make fun of my drinking habits. I'm on a diet now for my comeback, I can't drink alcohol right now. So you go enjoy your soju... I'm surprised they didn't ask for your ID, how old are you? Ten?" He joked. Jaejoong studied Jae Sun's face. It wasn't the face of a ten year old (of course not) but his eyes had this mischievous glow which made him a lot younger. If Jaejoong had to guess how old this guy was, he would be putting his money on 19 years.
"Of course they didn't ask me for my ID, I'm a regular here. They know me. I'm allowed to drink, I'm born in 1985!"
Jaejoongs face froze. Well, that was a surprise. "What... You're a 85er? Really? Oh my god, you're older than I am!" He started laughing. Unbelievable, this young and handsome guy who was sitting before him was older than him!
"What, really? Well, just call me hyung from now on then." Jae Sun beamed.
That was the beginning of their friendship. Even though Jaejoong had known the trainee only for a few days, it felt as if they had known each other for years. When he had returned to the dorm that night, Jaejoong had found the members asleep. Or well, at least, that was what he was thinking when he entered the dorm. For all he could know, Changmin might have been watching porn in his room. Jaejoong had kicked his shoes off and after going to the bathroom, he walked to the room he shared with Yunho. Apparently, Jaejoong was wrong to assume everything was asleep since Yunho’s head popped up from his cushion when he opened the door. It was clear he hadn’t gotten any sleep and was mad curious to where Jaejoong had been.
“How is that Jae Sun guy? You found your new favorite?” Yunho said, shifting his body in a more comfortable position. “I’m curious to why he only invited you… He didn’t even say anything to us or the other dancers, how rude! Maybe it was supposed to be a date?”
“What’s wrong? Jae Sun seems like a nice guy, I think I like him. I don’t think he was trying to be rude but well… it’s kind of hard to resist my charms,” Jaejoong answered jokingly after he had changed his clothes and rolled into his bed. The younger man didn’t say anything which made Jaejoong suspicious. What was going on in that silly head of Yunho? Jaejoong turned his head so he could see the face of the leader of DBSK. Yunho seemed somewhat amused and didn’t seem to think of Jae Sun as rude. But there was something off about his expression… Then Jaejoong burst out laughing. “Wait. Wait, wait. Are you jealous?”
“What? No! No, of course not!” He had reacted fast. Too fast. This was only a confirmation of Jaejoong’s suspicions.
“You totally are!” He couldn’t help laughing. A feeling of joy spread through his body; Jaejoong was so happy about it, even though he realized it was naive of him to make such foolish assumptions and believe them. He always had had a secret crush on Yunho but every time they made physical contact, Jaejoong knew it was just fanservice. He would never have the guts to confess his true feelings to Yunho; he’d rather live with his unanswered love than have to look Yunho in the eyes. Eyes which would be filled with disgust just looking at Jaejoong, the guy who fell for him. Jaejoong knew it would be better to keep quiet and treasure their friendship. That would be enough for him.
“I’m not! Let’s go to sleep, we need to rest for our comeback!” Yunho changed the subject. “NIGHT.” He pulled the blankets over his head and went to sleep, not leaving any room for discussion.
Jaejoong couldn’t help but chuckle because of the silliness of the situation. “I hear a silent agreement to my statement? Night night, Yunnie.”
“Jaejoong, you’re doing it all wrong!” The voice of the choreographer, Thomas Ryans, shouted at him. The guy was from the USA and one of the best choreographers who were walking around on earth. He was also known as a perfectionist and someone who didn’t like it if his students couldn’t pick up the dance moves fast enough.
“I’m sorry! Next time, it will go better.” Jaejoong said, scolding himself for all the mistakes he was making. He should have slept more but the intensive training and his diet were making it quite hard for him to fall asleep. His loud stomach would keep him awake all night, making it very very hard not to resist grabbing a midnight snack. The intensive dance practice would make him lose all his energy causing his body to desire for food and sleep. Food he wasn’t allowed to eat. The practice therefore led to his grumbling stomach and that led to his insomnia and that caused him to fail in dance practice. The same dance practice which drained all his energy. It was a vicious circle.
Jaejoong tried his very best not to lose his concentration again. His tired and hungry body moved to the music, trying not to mess up. It worked… for fifteen minutes.
“ARE YOU MESSING AROUND WITH ME? Do you know how much time and energy I’m putting into you? Are you even taking this serious?!” Jaejoong could feel his face turning red. Ryans sounded like he could no longer contain his frustrations anymore. Well, that was an understatement. This was one of the explosions Ryans was known for - and Jaejoong really didn’t like that the explosion was pointed towards him. Everyone had stopped dancing and was looking at the two men. It didn’t help that the music just continued playing. After a moment where everyone was frozen, the choreographer tried to pull himself together. “Stop the music, this isn’t going to work. You.” Ryans pointed at Jaejoong’s face. “You should work fucking harder. You’re not even trying. You’re dragging down the whole group. Stop messing around, will you? I’m not going to waste my energy on you again until you are willing to try seriously. You guys are fucking big in Asia and you can’t even dance properly. Come back when you can prove that you deserve the title of ‘God of the East’.”
It was as if Ryans had slapped Jaejoong in the face. The raven-haired boy looked helplessly in the face of the 35 year old man, scanning it for a hint of humor but he looked dead serious. When this became clear, Jaejoong slowly moved his legs. He grabbed his stuff and after putting them into a bag, he left the practice room. It was as if his mind went blank, he didn’t think anymore, he just felt his legs moving… leading him to a place he had been to many times. It was a place he hoped he would never have to return to yet he always did. His body took him to the rooftop of SM entertainment. The place that meant tears and failure.
It was as if the little energy he had left, left his body when he closed the door behind him. Jaejoong slumped to the floor, leaning his head against the wall. The silly thought that it wasn't very hygienic crossed his mind but he couldn't care less about it at the moment. His eyes were focused on the blue sky but soon his vision became blurry. His eyes filled with tears. "WHY?! WHY." He screamed. "WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE FAILURE IN DBSK?"
Feeling frustrated and powerless, Jaejoong hit the floor with his balled fists. It didn’t really help him vend his anger, as he ended up even more frustrated because of the piercing pain that shot through his fists. He bit his lip, trying to ignore the pain he inflicted on himself while the tears rolled down his cheeks. The words of the choreographer echoed through his head. You’re dragging down the whole group… Ryans was so right, Jaejoong indeed brought down all his members. Flashbacks invaded his mind, making him realize how much he had messed up the last days. He still couldn’t dance the choreography without making any mistakes, he still couldn’t dance the choreography while singing the promoted song. He didn’t even know why SM was even bothering to keep someone like him in DBSK.
He couldn't wrap his head around the overwhelming emotions. The truth hurt so much, even though everything was in his own hands. He had to work harder. Work harder in order to accomplish his dreams, in order to not let anyone down. His failure wouldn't only affect him - it would affect his members, his company and his fans as well. It would be selfish if Jaejoong wouldn't even bother trying to improve.
Just when he had decided not to let anyone down and work hard, the door to the rooftop opened, almost slamming Jaejoong, who was sitting right next to the door, in the face. Quickly, Jaejoong rubbed his eyes, trying to hide the tears which were rolling over his face a moment ago. He blinked as he looked up to see the person who just entered. Because of the sun, he only managed to see a dark shadow towering over him but as soon as this shadow opened his mouth, it was obvious who this person was: Jae Sun.
"Hey, are you okay?" the guy squatted and looked Jaejoong right in the eyes. Jae Sun's eyes were filled with concern, observing his friend's face and trying to pierce right through him.
"...Yes." Jaejoong muttered, avoiding the piercing gaze. He didn't like that he was seen at his weakest moment. He had come to the rooftop to be alone, not to chatter about his feelings.
"I think Ryans was really harsh. He shouldn't have said it that wa-"
"Well, I think he was right. It's only good he told me the truth, he's the only one who has the guts to tell me the truth. The entertainment industry is harsh. They don't need failures." Jaejoong spit out. It wasn't fair. Ryans didn't deserve to get scolded because of a failure like him.
"Chill out, you shouldn't take their words too seriously. You know, I've lived almost my entire life in the States and they don't treat artists like they do here. Artists there get respect for their work. The companies care about their artists and are afraid to lose them. They won't bitch about small mistakes while learning the choreography." Jae Sun told his dongsaeng. He shifted his position, sitting next to Jaejoong. After that he reached for his pockets, grabbing a pack of Marlboro cigarettes. "Want one?"
"Yes, please." Jaejoong said, accepting the cigarette. After it was lit, he put the cigarette to his lips and inhaled deeply. The addicted feeling of the smoke leaving a burning trail on its way to his lungs calmed him a little bit. He exhaled. "I need to think. I can't think clearly right now. I have to work harder... This is Korea, not America. I have to do this in order to accomplish my dreams. I can't slack off, I can't let my fans nor my members nor my company down."
"Why wouldn't you? Your fans only care about the image you're portraying on TV. This image on TV isn't you - it's what you want to show the world, it's the image SM thinks fits you and your group the best. I have analyzed everything the last year I have been training here. I'm not saying this applies to DBSK as well but you have to realize that a lot of groups in Korea don't like their own members. They've only been put together for commercial success. They don't care about each other, they're only pretending they're a warm family in order to achieve their dreams and get rich. The human being is selfish, Jaejoong, never underestimate its hunger for power and wealth. Your company... Well, I think that's the most obvious thing of all. They. Simply. Don't. Care. They've forced you to sign an 'exclusive contract', right? They made me sign it as well. I heard people say you signed a contract of thirteen years. That's a slave contract, trust me. SM cares the least... they only want to use you and when you're worn-out and have no value anymore for them, they throw you away."
"Stop! The members are my family." The words Jae Sun had spoken made Jaejoong sick to the core of his soul. His head screamed: No! No! He's lying. Maybe he's right about SM but certainly not about the fans and Yunho, Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin! but he felt so miserable right now, he wasn't able to think properly. He felt so confused. What if Jae Sun was right? There had been acts in the past that showed SM's greed, there had been stars who had slowly built everything up and whose hard work shattered in a few days because of a scandal. These stars had lost thousands and thousands of fans in a few days. How could fans be called loyal? And in the end, there had been tons of lawsuits, showing how some members in a group were greedier than others. There had been enough examples in the past to prove Jae Sun right. "Why... why are you telling me this? Why are you in SM when you believe this about the entertainment industry?" Jaejoong didn't want to think about it anymore, the thought of this being true disgusted him.
"I have no choice." Jae Sun chuckled bitterly and put his own cigarette to his mouth. "I had to come back to Korea because my mom fell ill. I have no father, he died when I was four years old. I got scouted on the streets and SM provided the medicines for my mother, just as any other costs. I have no choice but to stay with SM, I owe them too much... but I can look right through this sick industry, I can see how much greed there is in this world. It disgusts me and I want to leave but I can't."
Jaejoong didn't know what to say. He hadn't known about Jae Sun's parents but he certainly didn't expect there would be a story like this behind Jae Sun's family. Just as he was about to say something, the phone of the older guy rang.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Let me take this one." Jae Sun told Jaejoong after he had looked who had called him. "Hello? Yes, I know. Mhm. Okay, I will be there in a moment. See you then, bye."
"Who was that?" Jaejoong asked curiously.
"Nobody. Want to do something fun? Let's show SM they can't control us!"
Jaejoong looked shocked. "No, I can't. I have to work harder, practice harder so I won't disappoint anyone!"
"Who cares if you disappoint someone? Eventually, they will disappoint you and you will see they don't care about your loyalty. Let's have some fun tonight, okay?"
Before Jaejoong had realized it, Jae Sun had taken him to a club. The music was loud but it didn't bother Jaejoong. The club was quite busy, a lot of people were already there, dancing and bouncing to the beat. His eyes scanned the room but he wasn't very interested. "Jason, I don't think this is a very good plan. I should be practicing right now," he shouted to the older guy. He could feel the floor shake because of the heavy beat.
"No, no! Look at those chicks! You're totally stressed out, Jae, a good party will make you relax. After relaxation, you can only do better. This is for your own good!" After these words, Jae Sun entered the club, making his way to the bar. He started talking to a guy who probably was waiting for him and they laughed. Jaejoong didn't want to look like a loser and moved to the bar as well. "Can I have a bottle of soju, please?" he asked. He didn't notice how Jae Sun and the guy traded something and he didn't notice either how the guy left hurriedly after this. Jaejoong only cared about the alcohol in front of his nose and how he wanted to forget about his problems. The bottle was empty in no time. He ordered another one and, even though a little voice in his head tried to stop him, he gulped the content down.
"Please, give us two bottles of soju." Jae Sun motioned to the bartender.
"Let's toast, okay?" Jaejoong shouted. "On real friendship. No more greed in this world. On us! On 2Jaeee!"
Jae Sun let out a short chuckle but agreed nevertheless. "Cheers!" The bottles clinked and the two guys gulped down the alcohol. Before Jaejoong knew it, he felt tipsy and he looked at the dancefloor.
"There are some nice girls in this roommmm," he said, turning his head to Jae Sun. He didn't notice that Jae Sun had poured something in his drink, he was too busy looking at the girls.
"Yes, there are! Didn't I said so? Let's toast again. On tonight and on having fun! Let's be young forever!"
The next thing Jaejoong knows is the adrenaline rushing through his veins. He couldn't think clearly anymore. All he knew was that there was a desperate drive to get on the dancefloor and to move his body to the music. The music which thumped loudly in his ears, driving away any rational thought. The beat hypnotized him and made his body move like it had never moved before. He felt so free... The lights flashed on and off. Every color seemed like a whole new thing - it was so amazing, so beautiful. Jaejoong wanted to memorize every color. It seemed as if there was a whole new dimension to them, they seemed so much prettier. Every sane thought left his body as he started dancing. The music whispered in his ear, telling him how to dance carelessly. The lights flashed on and off, showing him how to dance carelessly. Jaejoong had never felt so free before and he loved every single bit of his newfound freedom.
Pairing: Yunho x Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, no one in this story will ever be mine.
Genre: Angst, drama, romance
Length: Chaptered
Warnings: Unbeta-ed, use of drugs and alcohol
Summary: When DBSK is preparing for their comeback, Jaejoong meets trainee and background dancer Park Jae Sun. Jaejoong befriends him but soon it becomes clear that Jae Sun is a very bad influence. Jaejoong finds himself in the world of parties, alcohol and drugs; he's slowly losing his grip on his career and his old self. Will he be able to snap out of it before it's too late?
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
"Wow, so you've lived in America?" Jaejoong asked. He didn't even know why he was impressed by this mere fact because it wasn't supposed to be something impressive - it was just a birthplace. But the raven-haired boy had always found himself impressed when he heard people speak English. Even when Yoochun would just babble something in English, Jaejoong would find himself staring at the boy and marveling about his nice accent and his deep voice.
"Yes, I was born there, you know," Jae Sun smiled. The look in his eyes was slightly amused, he didn't get the admiration of his sunbae either. "They called me Jason Park there but I became a trainee for SM a year ago so I came to South Korea. I'm glad I'm raised bilingual because it made things a lot easier."
"Wait wait wait! Where did you live in America? Maybe... Virginia? FAIRFAX? Maybe you lived in the same city as Yoochun!" Jaejoong smiled at the other boy expectantly, almost bouncing off his chair. Of course, he realized that America was huge but come on... how nice would it be if this were the case?
"I'm sorry to disappoint you," Jae Sun laughed, "but I'm from New York."
"...Oh." Jaejoong couldn't help but look disappointed and even though he didn't mean to, he pouted, while he stared at his glass Fanta which was placed before him.
Jae Sun burst out laughing. "How old are you? Stop doing your aegyo, it's weird when someone's older! Are you trying to relive your youth? You're even drinking Fanta."
Jaejoong couldn't help but chuckle. How ironic, he was the one who drank the most alcohol in DBSK but this guy was accusing him of drinking something childish. "Yah yah, there's no need to make fun of my drinking habits. I'm on a diet now for my comeback, I can't drink alcohol right now. So you go enjoy your soju... I'm surprised they didn't ask for your ID, how old are you? Ten?" He joked. Jaejoong studied Jae Sun's face. It wasn't the face of a ten year old (of course not) but his eyes had this mischievous glow which made him a lot younger. If Jaejoong had to guess how old this guy was, he would be putting his money on 19 years.
"Of course they didn't ask me for my ID, I'm a regular here. They know me. I'm allowed to drink, I'm born in 1985!"
Jaejoongs face froze. Well, that was a surprise. "What... You're a 85er? Really? Oh my god, you're older than I am!" He started laughing. Unbelievable, this young and handsome guy who was sitting before him was older than him!
"What, really? Well, just call me hyung from now on then." Jae Sun beamed.
That was the beginning of their friendship. Even though Jaejoong had known the trainee only for a few days, it felt as if they had known each other for years. When he had returned to the dorm that night, Jaejoong had found the members asleep. Or well, at least, that was what he was thinking when he entered the dorm. For all he could know, Changmin might have been watching porn in his room. Jaejoong had kicked his shoes off and after going to the bathroom, he walked to the room he shared with Yunho. Apparently, Jaejoong was wrong to assume everything was asleep since Yunho’s head popped up from his cushion when he opened the door. It was clear he hadn’t gotten any sleep and was mad curious to where Jaejoong had been.
“How is that Jae Sun guy? You found your new favorite?” Yunho said, shifting his body in a more comfortable position. “I’m curious to why he only invited you… He didn’t even say anything to us or the other dancers, how rude! Maybe it was supposed to be a date?”
“What’s wrong? Jae Sun seems like a nice guy, I think I like him. I don’t think he was trying to be rude but well… it’s kind of hard to resist my charms,” Jaejoong answered jokingly after he had changed his clothes and rolled into his bed. The younger man didn’t say anything which made Jaejoong suspicious. What was going on in that silly head of Yunho? Jaejoong turned his head so he could see the face of the leader of DBSK. Yunho seemed somewhat amused and didn’t seem to think of Jae Sun as rude. But there was something off about his expression… Then Jaejoong burst out laughing. “Wait. Wait, wait. Are you jealous?”
“What? No! No, of course not!” He had reacted fast. Too fast. This was only a confirmation of Jaejoong’s suspicions.
“You totally are!” He couldn’t help laughing. A feeling of joy spread through his body; Jaejoong was so happy about it, even though he realized it was naive of him to make such foolish assumptions and believe them. He always had had a secret crush on Yunho but every time they made physical contact, Jaejoong knew it was just fanservice. He would never have the guts to confess his true feelings to Yunho; he’d rather live with his unanswered love than have to look Yunho in the eyes. Eyes which would be filled with disgust just looking at Jaejoong, the guy who fell for him. Jaejoong knew it would be better to keep quiet and treasure their friendship. That would be enough for him.
“I’m not! Let’s go to sleep, we need to rest for our comeback!” Yunho changed the subject. “NIGHT.” He pulled the blankets over his head and went to sleep, not leaving any room for discussion.
Jaejoong couldn’t help but chuckle because of the silliness of the situation. “I hear a silent agreement to my statement? Night night, Yunnie.”
“Jaejoong, you’re doing it all wrong!” The voice of the choreographer, Thomas Ryans, shouted at him. The guy was from the USA and one of the best choreographers who were walking around on earth. He was also known as a perfectionist and someone who didn’t like it if his students couldn’t pick up the dance moves fast enough.
“I’m sorry! Next time, it will go better.” Jaejoong said, scolding himself for all the mistakes he was making. He should have slept more but the intensive training and his diet were making it quite hard for him to fall asleep. His loud stomach would keep him awake all night, making it very very hard not to resist grabbing a midnight snack. The intensive dance practice would make him lose all his energy causing his body to desire for food and sleep. Food he wasn’t allowed to eat. The practice therefore led to his grumbling stomach and that led to his insomnia and that caused him to fail in dance practice. The same dance practice which drained all his energy. It was a vicious circle.
Jaejoong tried his very best not to lose his concentration again. His tired and hungry body moved to the music, trying not to mess up. It worked… for fifteen minutes.
“ARE YOU MESSING AROUND WITH ME? Do you know how much time and energy I’m putting into you? Are you even taking this serious?!” Jaejoong could feel his face turning red. Ryans sounded like he could no longer contain his frustrations anymore. Well, that was an understatement. This was one of the explosions Ryans was known for - and Jaejoong really didn’t like that the explosion was pointed towards him. Everyone had stopped dancing and was looking at the two men. It didn’t help that the music just continued playing. After a moment where everyone was frozen, the choreographer tried to pull himself together. “Stop the music, this isn’t going to work. You.” Ryans pointed at Jaejoong’s face. “You should work fucking harder. You’re not even trying. You’re dragging down the whole group. Stop messing around, will you? I’m not going to waste my energy on you again until you are willing to try seriously. You guys are fucking big in Asia and you can’t even dance properly. Come back when you can prove that you deserve the title of ‘God of the East’.”
It was as if Ryans had slapped Jaejoong in the face. The raven-haired boy looked helplessly in the face of the 35 year old man, scanning it for a hint of humor but he looked dead serious. When this became clear, Jaejoong slowly moved his legs. He grabbed his stuff and after putting them into a bag, he left the practice room. It was as if his mind went blank, he didn’t think anymore, he just felt his legs moving… leading him to a place he had been to many times. It was a place he hoped he would never have to return to yet he always did. His body took him to the rooftop of SM entertainment. The place that meant tears and failure.
It was as if the little energy he had left, left his body when he closed the door behind him. Jaejoong slumped to the floor, leaning his head against the wall. The silly thought that it wasn't very hygienic crossed his mind but he couldn't care less about it at the moment. His eyes were focused on the blue sky but soon his vision became blurry. His eyes filled with tears. "WHY?! WHY." He screamed. "WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE FAILURE IN DBSK?"
Feeling frustrated and powerless, Jaejoong hit the floor with his balled fists. It didn’t really help him vend his anger, as he ended up even more frustrated because of the piercing pain that shot through his fists. He bit his lip, trying to ignore the pain he inflicted on himself while the tears rolled down his cheeks. The words of the choreographer echoed through his head. You’re dragging down the whole group… Ryans was so right, Jaejoong indeed brought down all his members. Flashbacks invaded his mind, making him realize how much he had messed up the last days. He still couldn’t dance the choreography without making any mistakes, he still couldn’t dance the choreography while singing the promoted song. He didn’t even know why SM was even bothering to keep someone like him in DBSK.
He couldn't wrap his head around the overwhelming emotions. The truth hurt so much, even though everything was in his own hands. He had to work harder. Work harder in order to accomplish his dreams, in order to not let anyone down. His failure wouldn't only affect him - it would affect his members, his company and his fans as well. It would be selfish if Jaejoong wouldn't even bother trying to improve.
Just when he had decided not to let anyone down and work hard, the door to the rooftop opened, almost slamming Jaejoong, who was sitting right next to the door, in the face. Quickly, Jaejoong rubbed his eyes, trying to hide the tears which were rolling over his face a moment ago. He blinked as he looked up to see the person who just entered. Because of the sun, he only managed to see a dark shadow towering over him but as soon as this shadow opened his mouth, it was obvious who this person was: Jae Sun.
"Hey, are you okay?" the guy squatted and looked Jaejoong right in the eyes. Jae Sun's eyes were filled with concern, observing his friend's face and trying to pierce right through him.
"...Yes." Jaejoong muttered, avoiding the piercing gaze. He didn't like that he was seen at his weakest moment. He had come to the rooftop to be alone, not to chatter about his feelings.
"I think Ryans was really harsh. He shouldn't have said it that wa-"
"Well, I think he was right. It's only good he told me the truth, he's the only one who has the guts to tell me the truth. The entertainment industry is harsh. They don't need failures." Jaejoong spit out. It wasn't fair. Ryans didn't deserve to get scolded because of a failure like him.
"Chill out, you shouldn't take their words too seriously. You know, I've lived almost my entire life in the States and they don't treat artists like they do here. Artists there get respect for their work. The companies care about their artists and are afraid to lose them. They won't bitch about small mistakes while learning the choreography." Jae Sun told his dongsaeng. He shifted his position, sitting next to Jaejoong. After that he reached for his pockets, grabbing a pack of Marlboro cigarettes. "Want one?"
"Yes, please." Jaejoong said, accepting the cigarette. After it was lit, he put the cigarette to his lips and inhaled deeply. The addicted feeling of the smoke leaving a burning trail on its way to his lungs calmed him a little bit. He exhaled. "I need to think. I can't think clearly right now. I have to work harder... This is Korea, not America. I have to do this in order to accomplish my dreams. I can't slack off, I can't let my fans nor my members nor my company down."
"Why wouldn't you? Your fans only care about the image you're portraying on TV. This image on TV isn't you - it's what you want to show the world, it's the image SM thinks fits you and your group the best. I have analyzed everything the last year I have been training here. I'm not saying this applies to DBSK as well but you have to realize that a lot of groups in Korea don't like their own members. They've only been put together for commercial success. They don't care about each other, they're only pretending they're a warm family in order to achieve their dreams and get rich. The human being is selfish, Jaejoong, never underestimate its hunger for power and wealth. Your company... Well, I think that's the most obvious thing of all. They. Simply. Don't. Care. They've forced you to sign an 'exclusive contract', right? They made me sign it as well. I heard people say you signed a contract of thirteen years. That's a slave contract, trust me. SM cares the least... they only want to use you and when you're worn-out and have no value anymore for them, they throw you away."
"Stop! The members are my family." The words Jae Sun had spoken made Jaejoong sick to the core of his soul. His head screamed: No! No! He's lying. Maybe he's right about SM but certainly not about the fans and Yunho, Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin! but he felt so miserable right now, he wasn't able to think properly. He felt so confused. What if Jae Sun was right? There had been acts in the past that showed SM's greed, there had been stars who had slowly built everything up and whose hard work shattered in a few days because of a scandal. These stars had lost thousands and thousands of fans in a few days. How could fans be called loyal? And in the end, there had been tons of lawsuits, showing how some members in a group were greedier than others. There had been enough examples in the past to prove Jae Sun right. "Why... why are you telling me this? Why are you in SM when you believe this about the entertainment industry?" Jaejoong didn't want to think about it anymore, the thought of this being true disgusted him.
"I have no choice." Jae Sun chuckled bitterly and put his own cigarette to his mouth. "I had to come back to Korea because my mom fell ill. I have no father, he died when I was four years old. I got scouted on the streets and SM provided the medicines for my mother, just as any other costs. I have no choice but to stay with SM, I owe them too much... but I can look right through this sick industry, I can see how much greed there is in this world. It disgusts me and I want to leave but I can't."
Jaejoong didn't know what to say. He hadn't known about Jae Sun's parents but he certainly didn't expect there would be a story like this behind Jae Sun's family. Just as he was about to say something, the phone of the older guy rang.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Let me take this one." Jae Sun told Jaejoong after he had looked who had called him. "Hello? Yes, I know. Mhm. Okay, I will be there in a moment. See you then, bye."
"Who was that?" Jaejoong asked curiously.
"Nobody. Want to do something fun? Let's show SM they can't control us!"
Jaejoong looked shocked. "No, I can't. I have to work harder, practice harder so I won't disappoint anyone!"
"Who cares if you disappoint someone? Eventually, they will disappoint you and you will see they don't care about your loyalty. Let's have some fun tonight, okay?"
Before Jaejoong had realized it, Jae Sun had taken him to a club. The music was loud but it didn't bother Jaejoong. The club was quite busy, a lot of people were already there, dancing and bouncing to the beat. His eyes scanned the room but he wasn't very interested. "Jason, I don't think this is a very good plan. I should be practicing right now," he shouted to the older guy. He could feel the floor shake because of the heavy beat.
"No, no! Look at those chicks! You're totally stressed out, Jae, a good party will make you relax. After relaxation, you can only do better. This is for your own good!" After these words, Jae Sun entered the club, making his way to the bar. He started talking to a guy who probably was waiting for him and they laughed. Jaejoong didn't want to look like a loser and moved to the bar as well. "Can I have a bottle of soju, please?" he asked. He didn't notice how Jae Sun and the guy traded something and he didn't notice either how the guy left hurriedly after this. Jaejoong only cared about the alcohol in front of his nose and how he wanted to forget about his problems. The bottle was empty in no time. He ordered another one and, even though a little voice in his head tried to stop him, he gulped the content down.
"Please, give us two bottles of soju." Jae Sun motioned to the bartender.
"Let's toast, okay?" Jaejoong shouted. "On real friendship. No more greed in this world. On us! On 2Jaeee!"
Jae Sun let out a short chuckle but agreed nevertheless. "Cheers!" The bottles clinked and the two guys gulped down the alcohol. Before Jaejoong knew it, he felt tipsy and he looked at the dancefloor.
"There are some nice girls in this roommmm," he said, turning his head to Jae Sun. He didn't notice that Jae Sun had poured something in his drink, he was too busy looking at the girls.
"Yes, there are! Didn't I said so? Let's toast again. On tonight and on having fun! Let's be young forever!"
The next thing Jaejoong knows is the adrenaline rushing through his veins. He couldn't think clearly anymore. All he knew was that there was a desperate drive to get on the dancefloor and to move his body to the music. The music which thumped loudly in his ears, driving away any rational thought. The beat hypnotized him and made his body move like it had never moved before. He felt so free... The lights flashed on and off. Every color seemed like a whole new thing - it was so amazing, so beautiful. Jaejoong wanted to memorize every color. It seemed as if there was a whole new dimension to them, they seemed so much prettier. Every sane thought left his body as he started dancing. The music whispered in his ear, telling him how to dance carelessly. The lights flashed on and off, showing him how to dance carelessly. Jaejoong had never felt so free before and he loved every single bit of his newfound freedom.