[TotA;prose] baby steps (2/2)
Asch-centric, general main cast of Tales of the Abyss
warning; this fic contains massive spoilers for the entire NAMCO game Tales of the Abyss. You will regret reading this fic if you have not finished or played the game but intend to do so. It is also recommended that you play the game before reading this as it heavily references the crux of the game.
the fourth day
Anise and Florian insisted on accompanying him to the Albiore, one as a friend and the other to make sure that he didn't run away in the short distance between. She had given a whole sheaf of papers into Asch's hand, telling him that it was imperative that he read everything even if it would be to her benefit that he didn't, and Florian just smiled and made a small request that he would like to see the redhead again, sometime soon.
"I expect the papers, and you, to be back by next week!" Anise hollered as a parting shot.
As he bid the two goodbye and boarded the Albiore, he was surprised to hear Noelle greet him and then ask, "So, are we ready to go home now?"
And he was even more surprised to hear himself reply, "Yeah."
Asch did a lot of thinking during the flight, turning Florian's words over and over again in his head. Luke's memories pushed at him as well, events of his friends asserting Luke's identity for him, but instead of brooding upon that Asch picked through the pain and tried to learn Luke's lessons for himself. When Baticul finally appeared on the horizon Asch thought he could understand now, just a little.
He turned a lot of heads when he arrived, the whispers among the noble-folk not quite reaching his ears. For a moment Asch wished that he had the foresight to send a letter ahead when he was in Daath to inform Natalia of his arrival, or he had worn a hat of some sort to hide the brilliant red of his hair. Even the Kimlascan soldiers seemed taken aback when he stalked past them.
His steps did slow a little when he came closer to the House Fabre mansion. The desire to see his mother again, in spite of Anise's reassurances, tugged at him, but he forced his footsteps past, striding towards the castle doors.
"I would like to speak to the princess Natalia," he said to the stunned sentries. "I believe she is expecting me."
She was, as one of the soldiers quickly stood to attention and escorted him to one of the royal waiting rooms. He didn't have to wait long, having just enough time to take a cursory look around before he heard Natalia's outraged tones, "I told you, he's not a replica!"
The door slammed open before he could recollect himself, and Natalia all but stomped in, and then did a rapid about-turn to shut the door against her protesting but well-meaning attendants, turning the lock firmly. She was breathing a little hard, probably from contesting the validity of his identity, Asch thought. There was an extra loud sigh, before Natalia straightened up, hands moving automatically to adjust her hair and her clothes.
The effect was ruined slightly when she finally turned around to face him, her left cheek smeared with a bit of black ink. "I'm sorry for the wait," she said, still sounding a bit flustered.
"No, it's my fault," he said. "I should have sent a letter to inform you." Asch looked around, remembering that he saw a set of tea towels.
"The Council was furious with me for going on an unauthorized diplomatic visit, so they gave me all the paperwork and told me that since I was so intent on managing diplomatic relations without their prior approval, I could stand to complete the necessary paperwork without the assistance of Marie and Klaus." He recognised the signature stubborness laced in her frame, her tendency to focus on one abstract aspect in order to escape other worries.
Her lip curled in thought. "I suppose they hoped that by doing this they would discourage me from doing things on my own again. Well, I'm going to finish the paperwork even if I don't like it, and even understand what it means so that the Council can't use ignorance as a weapon against me."
"I'm sure you will," Asch said, holding out a tea towel. "You have a bit of ink on your cheek."
"Oh!" Natalia blushed, taking the cloth from his hand and wiping hastily at the offending ink. She only succeeded in smudging it further, and Asch restrained a fond smile as he stepped forward, cleaning the rest of it off. His fingers brushed briefly against her skin.
"There."
"Thank you," she said, and then, softly, carefully, she formed the name, "...Luke."
He had expected this moment, thought deeply about it on the flight to Baticul, and yet he couldn't help freezing a little at her uncertain tone, and had to drop his eyes (like a coward) when he muttered, "No, I'm Asch."
A sudden heavy silence hung between them, before Natalia spoke, whispering, "...I don't understand."
He took a deep breath. "I was..." Dishonest? Deceitful? Fear seemed to be a weak excuse, considering the resolutions he made that he wasn't going to run anymore. "...I should have told you immediately. It was not right of me to keep my identity from you."
Natalia managed to walk to a chair and sit in it with some grace, but her face was white with shock.
"Natalia..."
"Why?" she asked. "Why did you wait? Why didn't you tell me that night, Asch? Why only now?" With each question her voice grew louder, more demanding, and finally Asch broke.
"I didn't know how to!" he said. "You saw Luke's friends, you saw Tear, do you think I'd be so stupid as to destroy what happiness they had then? To get into a fight with Guy at first sight-"
"Asch, they won't be any happier when they find out you're not him!" Natalia cried. "Wouldn't it have been easier if you told everyone then-"
"I was afraid!" Asch interrupted. "Everyone expected Luke to come back, not me. Even you."
"Because-!"
"Because I was dead, right, Natalia? Because I died in Eldrant! The dead don't come back!"
He suddenly sucked in a breath, trying to stop himself from beginning to scream at her. She was not the one in the wrong. He was. His nerves were fraying, Florian's wise words swirling like a whirlwind in his mind, suddenly ineffective and useless in the face of his current feelings.
"Forgive me," he said shortly. "I still see that I'm incapable of not correcting my mistakes properly. I shall take my leave now." He bowed and then started to move to the door.
"Asch, no, wait!" Natalia stumbled from the chair, reaching out to snag his sleeve. "I'm sorry, I didn't think-"
"No, I was the one who had spared no thought to the consequences that would follow my actions. You, and others, were hurt because of it. It was my mistake."
He tugged once at her grip, but she did not release him. Instead, she pressed her face to his arm, using her other hand to grasp his. "Don't leave."
"I can't if you won't let me go."
"I grieved for you," Natalia whispered. "They only held one funeral for the both of you, a month after Eldrant went down. I think Duke Fabre didn't want to explain why he had to have two graves bearing the same name at that time. Although he quietly had another made at Lady Suzanne's behest a week later. A small ceremony was held for those who knew the both of you.
"I thought I had come to terms with your death. I was happy when I thought Luke came back, that day, even if it meant giving him up to Tear. And yet, when we came out of Tataroo Valley I couldn't...I couldn't stop thinking that maybe it was you instead. But I kept telling myself it couldn't be, because you were dead. I didn't want to go through the pain again. And I didn't want to put Luke through any of it either, if it was him then.
"It hurt, Asch. It hurt when you finally showed yourself, and it...it confused me a lot. I kept telling myself that it was Luke who came back, not you. It hurt. I didn't want to face the idea that Luke was lost too."
She let go of him, looking him straight in the eye.
"But I am happy that you are here," Natalia said, voice trembling but laced with determination. "That you...could come back. I...really missed you."
There was the beginning of tears on her face, but it seemed that she did not notice. Asch reached out to touch her cheek again. "You're crying."
He watched as her hands flew to her face, her expression that of surprise and confusion, before she started to scrub helplessly at them. Her sudden laughter was as brittle as glass. "M-my, I don't know whom I'm grieving for anymore."
Natalia's attendants were caught trying to eavesdrop when Natalia finally unlocked the door and all of them fell into the room in an untidy pile. The ensuring ruckus caused Natalia to giggle a little shakily and earned Asch glares from those who caught the tell-tale red around Natalia's eyes. Nevertheless, since their Princess didn't look the worse for wear physically, they didn't harrangue the redheaded stranger.
"Would you like to go home and see Lady Suzanne?" she asked softly as they walked to the guest quarters where Asch could freshen up for dinner (Natalia insisted). "Duke Fabre is away at Belkend, overseeing new fontech research studies. He isn't due back until Remday."
He knew what she was really telling him, but he shook his head. "Then would you like me to send a message to her?"
"No, I... I'd like to tell her myself."
"She was feeling a bit under the weather, but...she's fine, Asch."
"I know. Anise told me."
He could feel Natalia smile. "With no strings attached?"
"...I offered to be her patron."
"I see," she chuckled. "I'm...glad that you were at least able to get along with Anise. Who...who else knows?
They stopped at the door to the guest chambers. Asch swallowed hard before answering. "Only Guy is left. But...I think he knows who I really am."
Natalia uttered a soft, "Oh," before she took his fingers, and gave a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "I will see you at dinner."
They dined at one of the smaller royal rooms, Asch feeling rather strange at being served by others again. He fumbled with the cutlery, trying to remember long-forgotten lessons of dining etiquette, unable to grasp the slender stem of the wineglass in the proper form. Natalia smiled at his frustration, before telling him, "It's all right if you only use one set, it's only me and Nate here anyway."
He gritted his teeth at that, but in the end did as she suggested. It was, truthfully, easier than trying to unsubtly follow Natalia's every choice of fork and knife.
"Asch, I...what are your plans after this?" Natalia asked during one lull.
"I...have not thought ahead." He looked down at his half-eaten fish, pushing the wrong fork for it in its sauce. Suddenly tiring of playing with his food he set it down, clasping his hands together. "Natalia," he said slowly, "I'm thinking of reclaiming my name."
Natalia dropped her fork, ignoring how rude that would have been in another setting. "As...Luke fon Fabre?"
"Yes."
She closed her eyes and let out a weary sigh. "Asch, I do wish that you would stop springing surprises on me. It's very tiring to take it all in one day."
"I..." he wanted to hit himself. "Forget I said anything, then."
"No," she said decisively, reaching out her hand to touch his. "This is important."
When he didn't respond, she said firmly, "As- Luke, look at me. I'm sorry about how I reacted just now. It's just that I've...separated the both of you for so long, in my mind, I've...forgotten what your old name was. But you are right, to think of reclaiming your name," she curled her fingers around his again, tightening her grip, "it'll make things easier, for a lot of people. Of course, it's going to be hard for us to adjust initially but," she gave him a shaky smile, "it's your name too."
"You could call me Asch. In private," he offered, but she shook her head.
"You have to adjust to your old name too, A- Luke," she said quietly. "You're not 'what's left'. You are the sacred flame. You always have been. Just like Luke was.
"But you're different from him, all right? You're your own Luke. So don't...don't forget that."
He hesitantly gave her fingers an answering squeeze, still refusing to look at her. "I won't."
They moved on to nicer, safer topics then, Natalia talking softly about court and noblefolk matters and her tussles with the Council and her hopes for Kimlasca's future. At the end of the dinner there was dessert, despite his reluctance for sweets, some sort of coloured shaved ice topped with bits of local fruit and drizzled with honey and maple, which he toyed with after taking just one bite. He was more content to watch Natalia eat from her dish, unaware that he had a small indulgent smile on his face.
Just for this moment alone, Asch was glad that Luke had forced him to go back.
the fifth day
In the morning he found himself making his way down to the commonfolk level, mostly just to walk and re-familiarise himself with the Baticul from his childhood. He wasn't allowed to come out of the mansion often, but...his mother made excuses and often managed to arrange little trips down with the help of a few maids. It was easier to experience the true hustle-and-bustle of the Kimlascan fortress town when he went incognito instead of being escorted by well-meaning bodyguards.
Natalia had her doubts about whether Guy was still in Baticul after bringing her home, but she was sure that Guy would have informed her before taking his leave. Still, meeting Guy was not high on Asch's list of current wants.
He was looking through the wares of a very friendly and enthusiastic fruit seller when someone called out, "Luke!" Immediately, the skin on the back of his neck prickled and he turned around slowly, relieved to find that it was Noelle who had said his name. The pilot waved to him cheerily, and he started to hesitantly wave back when he spotted the person behind her, feeling his stomach drop. "Look who I found at the inn!"
Asch stared into the eyes of one Gaillardia Galan Gardios, former Guy Cecil and servant of House Fabre.
"Hey." Guy greeted, cracking an empty smile.
Noelle didn't seem to notice the sudden tension that sprung up between them, and said, "I'm heading back to Sheridan, Guy's just escorting me to the Albiore."
"Why don't you follow us, Luke?" Guy said, still smiling. "We have much to talk about, and it'll be less noisy on the plains."
He gritted his teeth, before giving Noelle a nod. "I'll be pleased to see you off."
Asch followed the two of them as they approached the border of Baticul, watching Guy intently as the blond chatted with the pilot on the topics of fontech and aerial flight techniques. Despite Guy's apparent need to talk to Asch, there was only silence between them up to until Noelle took flight.
The moment the girl was safely out of sight, Guy swung at him. But because he was expecting it, Asch already had his hands raised at the ready and blocked the punches. However, he couldn't avoid the kick that immediately followed and grunted as it connected with his ribs. He immediately backed away before Guy could do more follow-ups, although he was sorely tempted to engage in an all-out brawl with the Count of Gardios. After all, it would be a nice change from the previous dances he had with Luke's other companions.
"It's not like I had a choice," he said quietly, voice just a bit tight from the pain of the kick and arm throbbing from blocking the punch. Guy's expression was open and fierce, alive, blue eyes shining and all Asch could think of was he still hates me. Maybe even more now.
"When were you planning to tell me, huh? And why did it have to be you? You died! You were dead!"
But he did not apologize. There would never be enough apologies in the whole of Auldrant that would earn him Guy's forgiveness. And Asch was never one to apologize anyway.
"Answer me!"
"Do you hate me that much?" he replied instead. It looked like the brawl was turning out to be unavoidable, Guy closing the distance and him widening it by side-stepping in a circular fashion, sizing each other up.
"Hate you? You have no idea," Guy snarled, speeding up just a little and lashing out with a high-kick, which the redhead blocked. Asch was just mildly surprised that he had not drawn swords at first chance. "You and your family really took everything from me. Everything."
Luke's memories flickered through his mind again, and Lorelei he hated this, hated the fact that he had access to every single conversation, every secret Luke had managed to weasel and coax and unearth out of the tightest of human clams. It was not because he wouldn't use the information, not that he would, but he couldn't. These secrets were Luke's to keep and to Asch they were just like pearls before the proverbial rappig, precious but useless.
"My father's sins are not my own."
His hair got into his vision at the wrong moment and Asch felt pain explode at the side of his mouth, blood spilling from the inside of his cheek where his teeth had cut it. He spat once to get the iron taste out of his mouth, but the appearance of a successful injury only seem to spur on Guy's anger more instead of abating it. It also made Asch's blood burn, and he struck out as well for the first time in the fight, narrowly missing Guy's abdomen.
"Do you know that Luke's only seven years old? Seven years old and he's only started to live properly since Akzeriuth, think for himself instead of following Van. I watched him grow up. I watched him carry the lives of thousands on his shoulders and he was alive when I watched him go and free Lorelei. And now instead of Luke, you're the one who's here."
He could feel sweat forming on his brow and neck as he continued to dodge and block and attack, but Guy was getting faster and more accurate even as he spoke, and Asch couldn't lie to himself that he couldn't hear the pain in Guy's voice, or the hurt that was building in his chest as he was faced with the raw honest truth that someone wanted Luke back more than him.
"Did you think I wanted to be here?"
"Shut up!"
The familiar shout took him by surprise, and Guy was tackling him to the ground, knocking the wind out of him and to add insult to injury, even after a decade Guy was still bigger than him, still heavier. Guy's weight on his chest made him wheeze and hands jerked him up roughly by the collar of his shirt. Admirably enough, Guy didn't take the opportunity to punch him to pieces. Instead, he was growling out, "Jade knew, didn't he. That bastard knew, and not one word, not one single word he breathed to any of us-"
"He was being kind."
Gaillardia laughed. It was not a pleasant sound, and to Asch's discomfort the blue eyes never left his face.
"Colonel Jade Curtiss does not know the definition of kindness, Asch."
He was definitely going to get hit again for this. "My name is Luke."
Guy's nostrils flared and he roared, "You don't have a right to that name, you bastard, you don't-!"
He found himself shouting back in desperation, "Have you forgotten? It was originally mine, and it still is! I may not want this life but I'm here now, I'm also alive and I'm Luke fon Fabre too, Gaillardia, and don't you dare take it away from me!"
Van had once remarked that he always said the right things at the wrong time. This was no exception. But as Asch watched as the fury and the colour drained from Guy's face, the words turned to ashes in his mouth and not for the first time and not for the last he cursed himself, and he cursed Luke, and he cursed Lorelei for doing this to him, for doing this to Guy and Natalia and Luke's friends.
"I...of course, it's your name, it's..." The tension that had held Guy together rapidly seeped away, and he was putting a hand to his face, fingers threading roughly through short hair and at that moment Asch knew, Asch knew that Guy had not grieved, had not mourned, had waited two years in hope and desperation and that maybe Guy was right, maybe the Necromancer had not been so kind after all.
"Do the others know?"
"...You were the last."
Guy let out a choking laugh that sounded too close to tears. "I hope I was the hardest. Four days of this, huh? No wonder you knew I was going to hit you. It's not just your God-General instincts."
"Nice punch though."
"It felt good." Guy tried to smile at that and failed. He got to his feet, swaying a little all the while and, really, not getting very far when he sat down again in the grass, rather suddenly, his hands covering his face and one knee drawn to his chin, and Asch couldn't find it in himself to look away. Because, he told himself, he deserved to see this, to feel the deep sense of shock and shame and regret welling up in him, so foreign and foul while he watched Guy Cecil utter, "So, Luke is dead..." like a confirmation before slowly succumbing to tears.
The sun shone down on the both of them, hot and bright and it made Asch think that perhaps, it was more appropriate, and kind, if it were raining instead.
When the crying finally wound down, Asch crept up to Guy and tugged at his sleeve like he once did, a long, long time ago, in another life. "Let's get back," he said. "It's dangerous being out here."
Maybe it was because Guy was tired, or Guy didn't care or Guy just wanted a Luke, any Luke, to hold on to, whatever the reason, Guy allowed Asch to pull him up, and together they walked to Baticul.
It was around noon-time when Natalia found them at the inn, Asch vainly trying to clean up the worst of the fight (he had grass-stains at the back of his shirt and bloodstains down the front and a beautiful bruise at the corner of his mouth) while Guy sat on the bed, still looking a little lost, though he had washed up when Asch pushed him to, ableit a little mechanically. She held her tongue, but she poked and prodded Asch without much gentleness as she healed his bruises.
"Idiot," was all she said to him before she moved to Guy, and Asch felt a small spark of surprise as the blond allowed her to come in close, for her to lay one hand lightly on his arm. It seemed to jerk Guy into motion.
"Princess," he stuttered, "did you know?"
"Only just yesterday," she answered gently. "Luke is an idiot, and so are you, apparently. I obviously can't leave the both of you alone with each other."
Guy shuddered once, folding into himself before breaking into a hoarse laugh. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess you can't."
the sixth day
Natalia spent most of that day (in between doing more paperwork and making Asch deal with some himself as punishment) trying to convince Guy to stay just a little longer, at her expense, but Guy had gently but firmly rebuffed her.
"I'm just a little shaken," he said, "but I'll be okay. Honest. Besides, you know that the Albiore IV has a new and improved auto-pilot system that'll get me back safely to Grand Chokmah, if that's what you're worried about."
Still, she had managed to delay him long enough until the ports closed for the day and he could not leave, even if he wanted to. And now they were walking him to the port, where he had docked the Albiore IV, to see him off. Asch wasn't sure if he was wanted there by Guy, but Natalia had shot him a fierce look that clearly promised ill tidings if he attempted to skip out. She seemed determined to help the both of them repair the broken and now slightly awkward relationship between them.
Asch heartily wished her good luck, not that he was going to stand in her way. For now, he just watched the both of them share words, two golden heads bowed towards each other. He was so wrapped up in gazing at her in particular that he didn't notice when Guy was suddenly too close, but the Count of Gardios just sidled up to him, hands tucked safely in the pockets of his pants.
"I'm not up for forgiveness yet," Guy told him bluntly. "And I'm definitely going to ask Jade about this entire replica business, make him explain everything clearly to me." He ignored Natalia's pointed cough. "I cannot forgive you now. But...if you do come to Malkuth, with Natalia, let's...talk. Instead of fight. Perhaps...we can start over again."
"Perhaps," Asch echoed. "If you will come to Baticul, as well, as a diplomatic envoy from Malkuth. And if not fight, let us spar."
Guy did not smile, but Asch could see the muscles on his face relax faintly. "I will look forward to the sparring."
He took one step closer, and Asch saw Guy's gaze turn inward, seeing someone who was no longer there. One of Guy's hands slipped from its pocket, halfway reaching out towards Asch when Guy shook his head, the faraway gaze disappearing like mist. He turned without bidding Asch goodbye, waved farewell to Natalia and climbed into the Albiore IV.
Asch moved to Natalia's side, and they watched as the airship skimmed lightly on the waves before taking to the sky. When the Albiore disappeared into the horizon, Natalia turned to Asch.
"Luke?" she said. "It's time to go home."
He sighed once, and nodded.
She followed him to the Fabre mansion, mostly to verify his identity as Luke fon Fabre. Ramdas' eyes had widened when Natalia re-introduced the long-lost heir, leading to some mild confusion and rapid queries about the validity due to the replica situation. Natalia fended them off as best as she could, but Ramdas was nothing if fastidious. The House Fabre steward was only finally appeased when Asch stepped up and began to rattle off the fon Fabre lineage, one of the few things that was kept exclusively to House Fabre and taught only to its heirs.
As much as Natalia would like to stay with Asch for the meeting with Madame Fabre, she had spent too long away from her duties as the Princess. She regretfully bade Asch goodbye, giving him a quick peck on the cheek and whispering, "Welcome home."
"Please don't overexcite her," Ramdas said as he led Asch down the short hallway to his parents' room. "Your mother's health has never quite recovered from the news of your deaths, although she is doing better in the recent months." He frowned disapprovingly at Asch. "It was rather foolish of you to let her think that you were dead."
Asch bit the inside of his cheek to avoid yelling at the steward that he had no choice in the two years of absence, that he had died and it was only by Lorelei's grace and Luke's foolish sense of sacrifice that allowed him to come back. His palms felt sweaty, and he wiped them irritably on the side of his pants, too nervous to bother keeping noble protocol. Blood pounded in his ears.
Ramdas knocked once and opened the door to his parents' room. "Madame Fabre, you have a visitor."
He heard a faint but questioning, "Who is it, Ramdas?" before the steward bowed to usher him in. Asch kept his eyes up, looking straight where he knew his mother's bed would be. The first thing he saw was that she was paler and thinner than he remembered, her long red hair now neatly plaited behind her. There was a book on her lap and pillows at her back, a tea set beside her with the teapot lightly steaming but all he could think of was she's alive she's alive thank Lorelei she's alive.
"Luke? Is...is that really you, Luke?"
She reached out one pale hand towards him and he strode, no, ran to cover the short distance to her, all pretenses stripped for the first time in ten years. Suzanne let out a small gasp as her son (her son, always her son, her little boy) crawled into her bed, fiercely but gently wrapping his arms around her, burying his face partly into her hair. Her hand trembled as she lowered it to touch the long red hair that spilled from his back, almost disbelievingly.
"Luke?" she repeated, and the man-child in her arms shifted, trembling and she heard the words she thought she would never hear again.
"Mother...Mother, I'm home. I'm sorry, I'm home, I'm home, Mother."
And there was something wet beginning to trickle down the side of her neck, the tell-tale hiccups that belonged to her first son and not her second breathing in her ear and Suzanne found herself patting and stroking the broad back in familiar comfort, tears seeping from her eyes as she crooned to her prodigal child, "Shh, it's okay, my son, you're home."
He would have cried himself to sleep if he were younger. Still, Asch was a great deal more tired when he finally calmed down, Suzanne having slowly coaxed his body to move until the bed supported his weight instead of her. She did not force him to talk, rather, his mother just seemed happy enough to just keep stroking the side of his face, waiting for him to cease crying.
"I'm sorry," he said again, but Suzanne just placed a finger on his lips.
"Shh. You're forgiven."
Asch laid there for a few more minutes, feeling safer than he ever had been for a long time. Suzanne held out a flannel towel to him, and with some afterthought put in Asch sat up and began to wipe his face in slight embarassment. His mother just watched it all with a fond eye.
"You came home."
He licked his lips once, and contemplated getting off the bed and sitting properly in a chair, but Suzanne was holding out a cup of tea and didn't look like she was expecting him to do that, so he stayed where he was. The tea had cooled a little, but it tasted of home, and that was all that mattered.
"It was thanks, to Luke, my...replica," he said. "He brought me back. I'm sorry that it took so long."
Suzanne smiled a little sadly at that revelation, but she settled back into her pillows, and almost as if no time had passed she picked up the old afternoon ritual of theirs. "Now why don't you tell me all about it, my son?"
And like a dam broken Asch began to speak, softly, slowly and clearly, of two stories that spanned fourteen years in the space of seven, and Suzanne listened as much as she could. She owed both her children that much. Suzanne's attendants slipped in and out quietly, always refilling the tea and leaving small plates of sandwiches on the table.
He would have kept on speaking and she would have kept on listening for as long as it took, but eventually Asch noticed how tired she had been getting. Even when Suzanne motioned him to continue, he stopped, more worried about her health.
"I won't disappear again," he told her, while one of the maids appeared with the evening meal and her medication. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek and forehead. "I promise. I will never leave you again."
"Have a meal with me," Suzanne requested, almost shyly, and Asch acquiesced with the compromise of not continuing his and Luke's tale. After all, they had tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, stretching hopefully into forever.
When Suzanne finally went to sleep, Asch went back to the bedroom he had not used for the past ten years. He allowed himself to smirk a little when he noticed that little had changed, despite his father's practicality for things. There wasn't even dust on the bedsheets.
And yet while it looked all so familiar, there was also a strangeness to it that he couldn't place, the queer feeling that the room, his old room, belonged to him no longer. His practice weapons were still there, old schoolbooks and wooden toys, but there were some that he did not recognize. Writings scrawled in the basic symbols of the fonic language in a different hand, crayoned pictures squirreled under books where his father would have frowned heavily upon if he had seen them. Luke's memories danced in front of his eyes.
This was as much Luke's room as it was his.
Asch inhaled deeply, putting one hand over his heart. "Thank you," he said to the empty air.
He walked over to the adjoining bathroom, eying the bottles of shampoo and soap and his eyes fell on a pair of scissors. It used to be out of reach of his ten-year-old hands, but now he could pick it up from its place with ease. For a moment, he was tempted to cut his hair, start all over like Luke did.
But only for a moment. He wasn't that Luke, after all. He was...himself, as painful and harsh as that was. He'd find a way to show that, somehow. For now...
Asch put the scissors down, and turned to face himself in the mirror.
"Hello, Luke."
and on the seventh day
Asch rested.
warning; this fic contains massive spoilers for the entire NAMCO game Tales of the Abyss. You will regret reading this fic if you have not finished or played the game but intend to do so. It is also recommended that you play the game before reading this as it heavily references the crux of the game.
the fourth day
Anise and Florian insisted on accompanying him to the Albiore, one as a friend and the other to make sure that he didn't run away in the short distance between. She had given a whole sheaf of papers into Asch's hand, telling him that it was imperative that he read everything even if it would be to her benefit that he didn't, and Florian just smiled and made a small request that he would like to see the redhead again, sometime soon.
"I expect the papers, and you, to be back by next week!" Anise hollered as a parting shot.
As he bid the two goodbye and boarded the Albiore, he was surprised to hear Noelle greet him and then ask, "So, are we ready to go home now?"
And he was even more surprised to hear himself reply, "Yeah."
Asch did a lot of thinking during the flight, turning Florian's words over and over again in his head. Luke's memories pushed at him as well, events of his friends asserting Luke's identity for him, but instead of brooding upon that Asch picked through the pain and tried to learn Luke's lessons for himself. When Baticul finally appeared on the horizon Asch thought he could understand now, just a little.
He turned a lot of heads when he arrived, the whispers among the noble-folk not quite reaching his ears. For a moment Asch wished that he had the foresight to send a letter ahead when he was in Daath to inform Natalia of his arrival, or he had worn a hat of some sort to hide the brilliant red of his hair. Even the Kimlascan soldiers seemed taken aback when he stalked past them.
His steps did slow a little when he came closer to the House Fabre mansion. The desire to see his mother again, in spite of Anise's reassurances, tugged at him, but he forced his footsteps past, striding towards the castle doors.
"I would like to speak to the princess Natalia," he said to the stunned sentries. "I believe she is expecting me."
She was, as one of the soldiers quickly stood to attention and escorted him to one of the royal waiting rooms. He didn't have to wait long, having just enough time to take a cursory look around before he heard Natalia's outraged tones, "I told you, he's not a replica!"
The door slammed open before he could recollect himself, and Natalia all but stomped in, and then did a rapid about-turn to shut the door against her protesting but well-meaning attendants, turning the lock firmly. She was breathing a little hard, probably from contesting the validity of his identity, Asch thought. There was an extra loud sigh, before Natalia straightened up, hands moving automatically to adjust her hair and her clothes.
The effect was ruined slightly when she finally turned around to face him, her left cheek smeared with a bit of black ink. "I'm sorry for the wait," she said, still sounding a bit flustered.
"No, it's my fault," he said. "I should have sent a letter to inform you." Asch looked around, remembering that he saw a set of tea towels.
"The Council was furious with me for going on an unauthorized diplomatic visit, so they gave me all the paperwork and told me that since I was so intent on managing diplomatic relations without their prior approval, I could stand to complete the necessary paperwork without the assistance of Marie and Klaus." He recognised the signature stubborness laced in her frame, her tendency to focus on one abstract aspect in order to escape other worries.
Her lip curled in thought. "I suppose they hoped that by doing this they would discourage me from doing things on my own again. Well, I'm going to finish the paperwork even if I don't like it, and even understand what it means so that the Council can't use ignorance as a weapon against me."
"I'm sure you will," Asch said, holding out a tea towel. "You have a bit of ink on your cheek."
"Oh!" Natalia blushed, taking the cloth from his hand and wiping hastily at the offending ink. She only succeeded in smudging it further, and Asch restrained a fond smile as he stepped forward, cleaning the rest of it off. His fingers brushed briefly against her skin.
"There."
"Thank you," she said, and then, softly, carefully, she formed the name, "...Luke."
He had expected this moment, thought deeply about it on the flight to Baticul, and yet he couldn't help freezing a little at her uncertain tone, and had to drop his eyes (like a coward) when he muttered, "No, I'm Asch."
A sudden heavy silence hung between them, before Natalia spoke, whispering, "...I don't understand."
He took a deep breath. "I was..." Dishonest? Deceitful? Fear seemed to be a weak excuse, considering the resolutions he made that he wasn't going to run anymore. "...I should have told you immediately. It was not right of me to keep my identity from you."
Natalia managed to walk to a chair and sit in it with some grace, but her face was white with shock.
"Natalia..."
"Why?" she asked. "Why did you wait? Why didn't you tell me that night, Asch? Why only now?" With each question her voice grew louder, more demanding, and finally Asch broke.
"I didn't know how to!" he said. "You saw Luke's friends, you saw Tear, do you think I'd be so stupid as to destroy what happiness they had then? To get into a fight with Guy at first sight-"
"Asch, they won't be any happier when they find out you're not him!" Natalia cried. "Wouldn't it have been easier if you told everyone then-"
"I was afraid!" Asch interrupted. "Everyone expected Luke to come back, not me. Even you."
"Because-!"
"Because I was dead, right, Natalia? Because I died in Eldrant! The dead don't come back!"
He suddenly sucked in a breath, trying to stop himself from beginning to scream at her. She was not the one in the wrong. He was. His nerves were fraying, Florian's wise words swirling like a whirlwind in his mind, suddenly ineffective and useless in the face of his current feelings.
"Forgive me," he said shortly. "I still see that I'm incapable of not correcting my mistakes properly. I shall take my leave now." He bowed and then started to move to the door.
"Asch, no, wait!" Natalia stumbled from the chair, reaching out to snag his sleeve. "I'm sorry, I didn't think-"
"No, I was the one who had spared no thought to the consequences that would follow my actions. You, and others, were hurt because of it. It was my mistake."
He tugged once at her grip, but she did not release him. Instead, she pressed her face to his arm, using her other hand to grasp his. "Don't leave."
"I can't if you won't let me go."
"I grieved for you," Natalia whispered. "They only held one funeral for the both of you, a month after Eldrant went down. I think Duke Fabre didn't want to explain why he had to have two graves bearing the same name at that time. Although he quietly had another made at Lady Suzanne's behest a week later. A small ceremony was held for those who knew the both of you.
"I thought I had come to terms with your death. I was happy when I thought Luke came back, that day, even if it meant giving him up to Tear. And yet, when we came out of Tataroo Valley I couldn't...I couldn't stop thinking that maybe it was you instead. But I kept telling myself it couldn't be, because you were dead. I didn't want to go through the pain again. And I didn't want to put Luke through any of it either, if it was him then.
"It hurt, Asch. It hurt when you finally showed yourself, and it...it confused me a lot. I kept telling myself that it was Luke who came back, not you. It hurt. I didn't want to face the idea that Luke was lost too."
She let go of him, looking him straight in the eye.
"But I am happy that you are here," Natalia said, voice trembling but laced with determination. "That you...could come back. I...really missed you."
There was the beginning of tears on her face, but it seemed that she did not notice. Asch reached out to touch her cheek again. "You're crying."
He watched as her hands flew to her face, her expression that of surprise and confusion, before she started to scrub helplessly at them. Her sudden laughter was as brittle as glass. "M-my, I don't know whom I'm grieving for anymore."
Natalia's attendants were caught trying to eavesdrop when Natalia finally unlocked the door and all of them fell into the room in an untidy pile. The ensuring ruckus caused Natalia to giggle a little shakily and earned Asch glares from those who caught the tell-tale red around Natalia's eyes. Nevertheless, since their Princess didn't look the worse for wear physically, they didn't harrangue the redheaded stranger.
"Would you like to go home and see Lady Suzanne?" she asked softly as they walked to the guest quarters where Asch could freshen up for dinner (Natalia insisted). "Duke Fabre is away at Belkend, overseeing new fontech research studies. He isn't due back until Remday."
He knew what she was really telling him, but he shook his head. "Then would you like me to send a message to her?"
"No, I... I'd like to tell her myself."
"She was feeling a bit under the weather, but...she's fine, Asch."
"I know. Anise told me."
He could feel Natalia smile. "With no strings attached?"
"...I offered to be her patron."
"I see," she chuckled. "I'm...glad that you were at least able to get along with Anise. Who...who else knows?
They stopped at the door to the guest chambers. Asch swallowed hard before answering. "Only Guy is left. But...I think he knows who I really am."
Natalia uttered a soft, "Oh," before she took his fingers, and gave a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "I will see you at dinner."
They dined at one of the smaller royal rooms, Asch feeling rather strange at being served by others again. He fumbled with the cutlery, trying to remember long-forgotten lessons of dining etiquette, unable to grasp the slender stem of the wineglass in the proper form. Natalia smiled at his frustration, before telling him, "It's all right if you only use one set, it's only me and Nate here anyway."
He gritted his teeth at that, but in the end did as she suggested. It was, truthfully, easier than trying to unsubtly follow Natalia's every choice of fork and knife.
"Asch, I...what are your plans after this?" Natalia asked during one lull.
"I...have not thought ahead." He looked down at his half-eaten fish, pushing the wrong fork for it in its sauce. Suddenly tiring of playing with his food he set it down, clasping his hands together. "Natalia," he said slowly, "I'm thinking of reclaiming my name."
Natalia dropped her fork, ignoring how rude that would have been in another setting. "As...Luke fon Fabre?"
"Yes."
She closed her eyes and let out a weary sigh. "Asch, I do wish that you would stop springing surprises on me. It's very tiring to take it all in one day."
"I..." he wanted to hit himself. "Forget I said anything, then."
"No," she said decisively, reaching out her hand to touch his. "This is important."
When he didn't respond, she said firmly, "As- Luke, look at me. I'm sorry about how I reacted just now. It's just that I've...separated the both of you for so long, in my mind, I've...forgotten what your old name was. But you are right, to think of reclaiming your name," she curled her fingers around his again, tightening her grip, "it'll make things easier, for a lot of people. Of course, it's going to be hard for us to adjust initially but," she gave him a shaky smile, "it's your name too."
"You could call me Asch. In private," he offered, but she shook her head.
"You have to adjust to your old name too, A- Luke," she said quietly. "You're not 'what's left'. You are the sacred flame. You always have been. Just like Luke was.
"But you're different from him, all right? You're your own Luke. So don't...don't forget that."
He hesitantly gave her fingers an answering squeeze, still refusing to look at her. "I won't."
They moved on to nicer, safer topics then, Natalia talking softly about court and noblefolk matters and her tussles with the Council and her hopes for Kimlasca's future. At the end of the dinner there was dessert, despite his reluctance for sweets, some sort of coloured shaved ice topped with bits of local fruit and drizzled with honey and maple, which he toyed with after taking just one bite. He was more content to watch Natalia eat from her dish, unaware that he had a small indulgent smile on his face.
Just for this moment alone, Asch was glad that Luke had forced him to go back.
the fifth day
In the morning he found himself making his way down to the commonfolk level, mostly just to walk and re-familiarise himself with the Baticul from his childhood. He wasn't allowed to come out of the mansion often, but...his mother made excuses and often managed to arrange little trips down with the help of a few maids. It was easier to experience the true hustle-and-bustle of the Kimlascan fortress town when he went incognito instead of being escorted by well-meaning bodyguards.
Natalia had her doubts about whether Guy was still in Baticul after bringing her home, but she was sure that Guy would have informed her before taking his leave. Still, meeting Guy was not high on Asch's list of current wants.
He was looking through the wares of a very friendly and enthusiastic fruit seller when someone called out, "Luke!" Immediately, the skin on the back of his neck prickled and he turned around slowly, relieved to find that it was Noelle who had said his name. The pilot waved to him cheerily, and he started to hesitantly wave back when he spotted the person behind her, feeling his stomach drop. "Look who I found at the inn!"
Asch stared into the eyes of one Gaillardia Galan Gardios, former Guy Cecil and servant of House Fabre.
"Hey." Guy greeted, cracking an empty smile.
Noelle didn't seem to notice the sudden tension that sprung up between them, and said, "I'm heading back to Sheridan, Guy's just escorting me to the Albiore."
"Why don't you follow us, Luke?" Guy said, still smiling. "We have much to talk about, and it'll be less noisy on the plains."
He gritted his teeth, before giving Noelle a nod. "I'll be pleased to see you off."
Asch followed the two of them as they approached the border of Baticul, watching Guy intently as the blond chatted with the pilot on the topics of fontech and aerial flight techniques. Despite Guy's apparent need to talk to Asch, there was only silence between them up to until Noelle took flight.
The moment the girl was safely out of sight, Guy swung at him. But because he was expecting it, Asch already had his hands raised at the ready and blocked the punches. However, he couldn't avoid the kick that immediately followed and grunted as it connected with his ribs. He immediately backed away before Guy could do more follow-ups, although he was sorely tempted to engage in an all-out brawl with the Count of Gardios. After all, it would be a nice change from the previous dances he had with Luke's other companions.
"It's not like I had a choice," he said quietly, voice just a bit tight from the pain of the kick and arm throbbing from blocking the punch. Guy's expression was open and fierce, alive, blue eyes shining and all Asch could think of was he still hates me. Maybe even more now.
"When were you planning to tell me, huh? And why did it have to be you? You died! You were dead!"
But he did not apologize. There would never be enough apologies in the whole of Auldrant that would earn him Guy's forgiveness. And Asch was never one to apologize anyway.
"Answer me!"
"Do you hate me that much?" he replied instead. It looked like the brawl was turning out to be unavoidable, Guy closing the distance and him widening it by side-stepping in a circular fashion, sizing each other up.
"Hate you? You have no idea," Guy snarled, speeding up just a little and lashing out with a high-kick, which the redhead blocked. Asch was just mildly surprised that he had not drawn swords at first chance. "You and your family really took everything from me. Everything."
Luke's memories flickered through his mind again, and Lorelei he hated this, hated the fact that he had access to every single conversation, every secret Luke had managed to weasel and coax and unearth out of the tightest of human clams. It was not because he wouldn't use the information, not that he would, but he couldn't. These secrets were Luke's to keep and to Asch they were just like pearls before the proverbial rappig, precious but useless.
"My father's sins are not my own."
His hair got into his vision at the wrong moment and Asch felt pain explode at the side of his mouth, blood spilling from the inside of his cheek where his teeth had cut it. He spat once to get the iron taste out of his mouth, but the appearance of a successful injury only seem to spur on Guy's anger more instead of abating it. It also made Asch's blood burn, and he struck out as well for the first time in the fight, narrowly missing Guy's abdomen.
"Do you know that Luke's only seven years old? Seven years old and he's only started to live properly since Akzeriuth, think for himself instead of following Van. I watched him grow up. I watched him carry the lives of thousands on his shoulders and he was alive when I watched him go and free Lorelei. And now instead of Luke, you're the one who's here."
He could feel sweat forming on his brow and neck as he continued to dodge and block and attack, but Guy was getting faster and more accurate even as he spoke, and Asch couldn't lie to himself that he couldn't hear the pain in Guy's voice, or the hurt that was building in his chest as he was faced with the raw honest truth that someone wanted Luke back more than him.
"Did you think I wanted to be here?"
"Shut up!"
The familiar shout took him by surprise, and Guy was tackling him to the ground, knocking the wind out of him and to add insult to injury, even after a decade Guy was still bigger than him, still heavier. Guy's weight on his chest made him wheeze and hands jerked him up roughly by the collar of his shirt. Admirably enough, Guy didn't take the opportunity to punch him to pieces. Instead, he was growling out, "Jade knew, didn't he. That bastard knew, and not one word, not one single word he breathed to any of us-"
"He was being kind."
Gaillardia laughed. It was not a pleasant sound, and to Asch's discomfort the blue eyes never left his face.
"Colonel Jade Curtiss does not know the definition of kindness, Asch."
He was definitely going to get hit again for this. "My name is Luke."
Guy's nostrils flared and he roared, "You don't have a right to that name, you bastard, you don't-!"
He found himself shouting back in desperation, "Have you forgotten? It was originally mine, and it still is! I may not want this life but I'm here now, I'm also alive and I'm Luke fon Fabre too, Gaillardia, and don't you dare take it away from me!"
Van had once remarked that he always said the right things at the wrong time. This was no exception. But as Asch watched as the fury and the colour drained from Guy's face, the words turned to ashes in his mouth and not for the first time and not for the last he cursed himself, and he cursed Luke, and he cursed Lorelei for doing this to him, for doing this to Guy and Natalia and Luke's friends.
"I...of course, it's your name, it's..." The tension that had held Guy together rapidly seeped away, and he was putting a hand to his face, fingers threading roughly through short hair and at that moment Asch knew, Asch knew that Guy had not grieved, had not mourned, had waited two years in hope and desperation and that maybe Guy was right, maybe the Necromancer had not been so kind after all.
"Do the others know?"
"...You were the last."
Guy let out a choking laugh that sounded too close to tears. "I hope I was the hardest. Four days of this, huh? No wonder you knew I was going to hit you. It's not just your God-General instincts."
"Nice punch though."
"It felt good." Guy tried to smile at that and failed. He got to his feet, swaying a little all the while and, really, not getting very far when he sat down again in the grass, rather suddenly, his hands covering his face and one knee drawn to his chin, and Asch couldn't find it in himself to look away. Because, he told himself, he deserved to see this, to feel the deep sense of shock and shame and regret welling up in him, so foreign and foul while he watched Guy Cecil utter, "So, Luke is dead..." like a confirmation before slowly succumbing to tears.
The sun shone down on the both of them, hot and bright and it made Asch think that perhaps, it was more appropriate, and kind, if it were raining instead.
When the crying finally wound down, Asch crept up to Guy and tugged at his sleeve like he once did, a long, long time ago, in another life. "Let's get back," he said. "It's dangerous being out here."
Maybe it was because Guy was tired, or Guy didn't care or Guy just wanted a Luke, any Luke, to hold on to, whatever the reason, Guy allowed Asch to pull him up, and together they walked to Baticul.
It was around noon-time when Natalia found them at the inn, Asch vainly trying to clean up the worst of the fight (he had grass-stains at the back of his shirt and bloodstains down the front and a beautiful bruise at the corner of his mouth) while Guy sat on the bed, still looking a little lost, though he had washed up when Asch pushed him to, ableit a little mechanically. She held her tongue, but she poked and prodded Asch without much gentleness as she healed his bruises.
"Idiot," was all she said to him before she moved to Guy, and Asch felt a small spark of surprise as the blond allowed her to come in close, for her to lay one hand lightly on his arm. It seemed to jerk Guy into motion.
"Princess," he stuttered, "did you know?"
"Only just yesterday," she answered gently. "Luke is an idiot, and so are you, apparently. I obviously can't leave the both of you alone with each other."
Guy shuddered once, folding into himself before breaking into a hoarse laugh. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess you can't."
the sixth day
Natalia spent most of that day (in between doing more paperwork and making Asch deal with some himself as punishment) trying to convince Guy to stay just a little longer, at her expense, but Guy had gently but firmly rebuffed her.
"I'm just a little shaken," he said, "but I'll be okay. Honest. Besides, you know that the Albiore IV has a new and improved auto-pilot system that'll get me back safely to Grand Chokmah, if that's what you're worried about."
Still, she had managed to delay him long enough until the ports closed for the day and he could not leave, even if he wanted to. And now they were walking him to the port, where he had docked the Albiore IV, to see him off. Asch wasn't sure if he was wanted there by Guy, but Natalia had shot him a fierce look that clearly promised ill tidings if he attempted to skip out. She seemed determined to help the both of them repair the broken and now slightly awkward relationship between them.
Asch heartily wished her good luck, not that he was going to stand in her way. For now, he just watched the both of them share words, two golden heads bowed towards each other. He was so wrapped up in gazing at her in particular that he didn't notice when Guy was suddenly too close, but the Count of Gardios just sidled up to him, hands tucked safely in the pockets of his pants.
"I'm not up for forgiveness yet," Guy told him bluntly. "And I'm definitely going to ask Jade about this entire replica business, make him explain everything clearly to me." He ignored Natalia's pointed cough. "I cannot forgive you now. But...if you do come to Malkuth, with Natalia, let's...talk. Instead of fight. Perhaps...we can start over again."
"Perhaps," Asch echoed. "If you will come to Baticul, as well, as a diplomatic envoy from Malkuth. And if not fight, let us spar."
Guy did not smile, but Asch could see the muscles on his face relax faintly. "I will look forward to the sparring."
He took one step closer, and Asch saw Guy's gaze turn inward, seeing someone who was no longer there. One of Guy's hands slipped from its pocket, halfway reaching out towards Asch when Guy shook his head, the faraway gaze disappearing like mist. He turned without bidding Asch goodbye, waved farewell to Natalia and climbed into the Albiore IV.
Asch moved to Natalia's side, and they watched as the airship skimmed lightly on the waves before taking to the sky. When the Albiore disappeared into the horizon, Natalia turned to Asch.
"Luke?" she said. "It's time to go home."
He sighed once, and nodded.
She followed him to the Fabre mansion, mostly to verify his identity as Luke fon Fabre. Ramdas' eyes had widened when Natalia re-introduced the long-lost heir, leading to some mild confusion and rapid queries about the validity due to the replica situation. Natalia fended them off as best as she could, but Ramdas was nothing if fastidious. The House Fabre steward was only finally appeased when Asch stepped up and began to rattle off the fon Fabre lineage, one of the few things that was kept exclusively to House Fabre and taught only to its heirs.
As much as Natalia would like to stay with Asch for the meeting with Madame Fabre, she had spent too long away from her duties as the Princess. She regretfully bade Asch goodbye, giving him a quick peck on the cheek and whispering, "Welcome home."
"Please don't overexcite her," Ramdas said as he led Asch down the short hallway to his parents' room. "Your mother's health has never quite recovered from the news of your deaths, although she is doing better in the recent months." He frowned disapprovingly at Asch. "It was rather foolish of you to let her think that you were dead."
Asch bit the inside of his cheek to avoid yelling at the steward that he had no choice in the two years of absence, that he had died and it was only by Lorelei's grace and Luke's foolish sense of sacrifice that allowed him to come back. His palms felt sweaty, and he wiped them irritably on the side of his pants, too nervous to bother keeping noble protocol. Blood pounded in his ears.
Ramdas knocked once and opened the door to his parents' room. "Madame Fabre, you have a visitor."
He heard a faint but questioning, "Who is it, Ramdas?" before the steward bowed to usher him in. Asch kept his eyes up, looking straight where he knew his mother's bed would be. The first thing he saw was that she was paler and thinner than he remembered, her long red hair now neatly plaited behind her. There was a book on her lap and pillows at her back, a tea set beside her with the teapot lightly steaming but all he could think of was she's alive she's alive thank Lorelei she's alive.
"Luke? Is...is that really you, Luke?"
She reached out one pale hand towards him and he strode, no, ran to cover the short distance to her, all pretenses stripped for the first time in ten years. Suzanne let out a small gasp as her son (her son, always her son, her little boy) crawled into her bed, fiercely but gently wrapping his arms around her, burying his face partly into her hair. Her hand trembled as she lowered it to touch the long red hair that spilled from his back, almost disbelievingly.
"Luke?" she repeated, and the man-child in her arms shifted, trembling and she heard the words she thought she would never hear again.
"Mother...Mother, I'm home. I'm sorry, I'm home, I'm home, Mother."
And there was something wet beginning to trickle down the side of her neck, the tell-tale hiccups that belonged to her first son and not her second breathing in her ear and Suzanne found herself patting and stroking the broad back in familiar comfort, tears seeping from her eyes as she crooned to her prodigal child, "Shh, it's okay, my son, you're home."
He would have cried himself to sleep if he were younger. Still, Asch was a great deal more tired when he finally calmed down, Suzanne having slowly coaxed his body to move until the bed supported his weight instead of her. She did not force him to talk, rather, his mother just seemed happy enough to just keep stroking the side of his face, waiting for him to cease crying.
"I'm sorry," he said again, but Suzanne just placed a finger on his lips.
"Shh. You're forgiven."
Asch laid there for a few more minutes, feeling safer than he ever had been for a long time. Suzanne held out a flannel towel to him, and with some afterthought put in Asch sat up and began to wipe his face in slight embarassment. His mother just watched it all with a fond eye.
"You came home."
He licked his lips once, and contemplated getting off the bed and sitting properly in a chair, but Suzanne was holding out a cup of tea and didn't look like she was expecting him to do that, so he stayed where he was. The tea had cooled a little, but it tasted of home, and that was all that mattered.
"It was thanks, to Luke, my...replica," he said. "He brought me back. I'm sorry that it took so long."
Suzanne smiled a little sadly at that revelation, but she settled back into her pillows, and almost as if no time had passed she picked up the old afternoon ritual of theirs. "Now why don't you tell me all about it, my son?"
And like a dam broken Asch began to speak, softly, slowly and clearly, of two stories that spanned fourteen years in the space of seven, and Suzanne listened as much as she could. She owed both her children that much. Suzanne's attendants slipped in and out quietly, always refilling the tea and leaving small plates of sandwiches on the table.
He would have kept on speaking and she would have kept on listening for as long as it took, but eventually Asch noticed how tired she had been getting. Even when Suzanne motioned him to continue, he stopped, more worried about her health.
"I won't disappear again," he told her, while one of the maids appeared with the evening meal and her medication. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek and forehead. "I promise. I will never leave you again."
"Have a meal with me," Suzanne requested, almost shyly, and Asch acquiesced with the compromise of not continuing his and Luke's tale. After all, they had tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, stretching hopefully into forever.
When Suzanne finally went to sleep, Asch went back to the bedroom he had not used for the past ten years. He allowed himself to smirk a little when he noticed that little had changed, despite his father's practicality for things. There wasn't even dust on the bedsheets.
And yet while it looked all so familiar, there was also a strangeness to it that he couldn't place, the queer feeling that the room, his old room, belonged to him no longer. His practice weapons were still there, old schoolbooks and wooden toys, but there were some that he did not recognize. Writings scrawled in the basic symbols of the fonic language in a different hand, crayoned pictures squirreled under books where his father would have frowned heavily upon if he had seen them. Luke's memories danced in front of his eyes.
This was as much Luke's room as it was his.
Asch inhaled deeply, putting one hand over his heart. "Thank you," he said to the empty air.
He walked over to the adjoining bathroom, eying the bottles of shampoo and soap and his eyes fell on a pair of scissors. It used to be out of reach of his ten-year-old hands, but now he could pick it up from its place with ease. For a moment, he was tempted to cut his hair, start all over like Luke did.
But only for a moment. He wasn't that Luke, after all. He was...himself, as painful and harsh as that was. He'd find a way to show that, somehow. For now...
Asch put the scissors down, and turned to face himself in the mirror.
"Hello, Luke."
and on the seventh day
Asch rested.