Story: J2 - All My Love For You, NC-17
Title: All My Love For You
Author: lissa-ann
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles, RPS
Prompter: evileve18
Kink: sexual abuse (past), confession, intimacy, rape recovery, insecurity
Prompt: Jared was raped when he was younger; he confesses his secret to Jensen; Jensen gives him all the love he can and helps him come to terms with his trauma.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: RPS, talk of non-graphic past non-con, slash, graphic m/m sex, drunk!Jared, supportive!Jensen
Beta: The wonderful caruso looked this over and helped me with my wordiness, my tenses and to clean up the story. I played with it after she looked at it, so any remaining mistakes are my own.
A/N: Sorry this is late. It wrote itself in my head, but resisted being typed out. Hope this is in the ballpark for you, evileve18. Originally written for rounds-of-kink.
Disclaimer: I don't own Jared or Jensen, don't know them, and certainly don't know anything about their pasts or sexual orientations. If this story mirrors reality, it is strictly a coincidence. No money made.
Things turned weird just before the Christmas hiatus during season three.
Jared and Jensen had finally been exploring their feelings for each other, which were deeper than either of them had realized. Once Jensen had moved into Jared’s house, the attraction between the two was undeniable. It wasn’t long before they were sharing a bed, starting to learn each other from the inside out.
Jared was oddly skittish, though. Jensen had never seen him like this. He used to be all over Sandy, hell, he’d been all over Jensen, too. But when things go too heated, Jared would back off. He never gave Jensen an explanation and Jensen didn’t want to push. He’d take Jared any way he could get him. Just being close to Jared, to continue to be in his sphere of love and protectiveness and to be able to touch without having to think was a start. They’d get there, eventually, Jensen was sure. Jared was the most important thing in Jensen’s life, what made him whole and Jensen would make sure that Jared always knew that.
-----
Despite admitting their feelings, they were not ready yet to tell their families about their relationship, so they separated for the holidays. Jared flew into San Antonio and Jensen to Dallas.
They kept in touch while they were apart, calling each other every night and texting during the day. The texts were just silly little messages to bring smiles to each other’s faces with an occasional ‘ilu’.
Jensen had invited Jared to Dallas for New Year’s, but Jared declined. Jensen had told him how he was inviting all of his old friends over and even though Jared missed Jensen, he really didn’t want to stand around at a party where he didn’t know anyone. Sure, usually it wasn’t a problem for him to be social, but with what was going on right now, he felt like he wasn’t going to be able to hold it together. Jensen asked Jared over and over again, but Jared kept answering no.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, really. Have fun with your friends and we’ll do a late New Year’s party when we get back to Vancouver."
"Dude, I would really love it if we could spend our first New Year’s as a couple together."
Jared paused, not knowing quite what to say. "Jen, you’re barely able to see your friends as it is. Spend time with them. It’s okay."
"I love you, Jared."
"I know," Jared answered softly. "I gotta go. Mom and Dad want me downstairs with the family. Talk to you later," and with that, he hung up the phone.
Jensen didn’t know what was going on. This wasn’t the Jared he knew. Something was wrong, but it didn’t seem like Jared was going to share anything. Maybe because Jared was home he didn’t want to talk about it. Jensen tried to shake it off and get ready for the party.
-----
Just after the new year started, Jensen called Jared. "Hey, happy New Year."
"Right back at you."
Jared heard the background grow quiet behind Jensen, which must have meant he was moving into another room. "I miss you. I wanted to kiss you so badly at midnight." Jared didn’t answer. "Hey, you still there?"
"Yeah," he said softly. "Still here."
"Babe, tell me what’s wrong."
"You’ve never called me that before." Jensen could begin to hear Jared slurring his words.
"Are you drinking?"
Jared looked at the bottle of vodka in his hands, which was almost gone. "A little," Jared lied.
"Who’s there with you?"
Jared didn’t answer.
"Jared, are you there alone?"
"Yeah. So what?"
"C’mon, Jare. What’s going on?"
"You know I love you, right?"
"Of course I do, Jare."
"So many other people…so many deserve you…more than me…more important…," Jared slurred. "People who'll…who'll take you away…not such goofs…take my place. Know that."
"Jare, stop. This is the alcohol talking. There is no one more important to me than you. No one’s going to take me away from you. And I love you just as you are." Jensen paused. "Jared, why are you saying this?"
"Need you to know…know that I…this isn’t forever. Know others deserve you…," Jared continued, "more than I do. I understand, I do. I do."
Jensen was getting upset at Jared talking like this. "Jared, come on. No one deserves me more than you. You’re my best friend. You know me better than anyone else in the world, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. You mean everything to me, Jare. I want this. I want you. I want forever, if you’ll give it to me."
"You don’t know." Jensen could hear tears beginning to clog Jared’s voice. "No idea what…getting yourself into. What you need to run from."
"Then tell me, Jared, please. I want to know. I want to help."
Jared’s began to gasp between his sobs. "No…hate me. Never…never want to be. With me. Again."
"Jared, there’s nothing that could make me not want to be with you. Please, babe, please tell me."
Jared sat in silence for a few minutes and Jensen began to panic. "I…I can’t. I need to go." Jared ended the call and shut his phone off. He finished the rest of the vodka and lay down on his bed, wondering how he’d fucked things up so badly. He was going to lose Jensen forever, no matter what Jensen said.
Frustrated, Jensen called Jared’s phone, only to get his voicemail immediately. He knew Jared had turned his phone off. If he had been worried during the phone call, now he was climbing the walls. He talked all of his friends into leaving shortly after the phone call ended and hopped into his rental car. He needed to see Jared, even if it would be at 5 in the morning. Not for the first time, Jared had scared the life out of Jensen and Jensen couldn’t let it go.
----
Jensen banged on the door of Jared’s house. There were no cars in the driveway, so Jensen figured that Jared was alone at home and most likely upstairs where he wouldn’t be able to hear someone at the door. Jensen grabbed a handful of small stones from the garden, moved around to see Jared’s window and began to toss the pebbles up to hit his window gently to get his attention.
Jensen must have thrown at least 15 pebbles before he saw Jared standing at the window, looking confused. He opened the window and looked down. "Jen?"
"Yeah, Jare. Come let me in."
Jared shook his head. "No."
"Jared, c’mon. I just drove four hours here to see you. I’m worried about you, man. Why’d you shut your phone off?"
"I can’t…Jensen, you can’t ever know. You’ll never look at me the same way. I don’t want to lose you. I understand if I lose you as a boyfriend, but I don’t want to lose you as a friend."
"Jared, open the door so we can talk about this." Jared just stood there. "Jared, please. You’re scaring me. Please come down and see me."
Jared hesitated, then nodded. He closed the window and Jensen moved back to the front door. Jared opened the door and Jensen pulled him into a tight hug. He could smell the vodka on Jared’s breath. "I love you, Jared. Nothing, nothing is going to change that. I don’t care what it is."
Jared led Jensen into the living room. He sat down in the armchair, giving Jensen no chance to sit near and comfort him. An uncomfortable silence, unusual for the two of them, fell.
Jensen moved and knelt in front of Jared and tried to meet Jared’s eyes. He put his hand on Jared’s cheek as he told him, "There’s nothing so bad that you can’t tell me, Jared. You know I won’t judge you." He reached to grab Jared’s hand. "Please. Trust me. You’ve trusted me with so much so far. I’m not going anywhere."
Jared’s quiet sobs tore Jensen apart. He didn’t know how else to comfort Jared and didn’t know what else to say to let him know that no matter what Jared had to say, it wouldn’t change anything. His hand moved from Jared’s cheek up into his hair, stroking it softly.
"When I was 14," Jared whispered, Jensen straining to hear what he was saying, "I was…" He shook his head.
Matching Jared’s volume, Jensen encouraged him to continue. "What, babe?" He paused. "Did…did someone hurt you?"
Jared nodded once.
"What happened?"
"I was…forced…" Jared stuttered quietly.
"Forced? You mean…raped?" All’s Jared could do was lean forward and bury his face in Jensen’s neck. Jensen’s arms came up around Jared and rubbed his back gently. Jensen could feel Jared’s hot tears on his skin and he kissed Jared’s temple. "Shhh, Jared. It’s okay. I love you. It’s okay. I’m here. Not going anywhere." He rocked Jared, continuing to talk to him soothingly, murmuring soft reassurances. Once Jared had quieted his sobs to sniffling and hiccups, Jensen suggested that they head up to Jared’s room so that he could get some rest.
"No!" Jared shouted.
"Jare, c’mon. You’re drunk and exhausted. Please. Let’s get some sleep."
Jared started to shake at the thought.
"We can stay dressed and if you can’t sleep, at least rest your eyes. You’re probably going to have a hangover later this morning." Jensen rooted around in his toiletries bag and found his bottle of Advil. "Here. This will help." He found his way to the kitchen, grabbed a glass and filled it with water.
Jared took the water and the offered pills. He took several gulps of the water. "Just sleep?"
Jensen pulled Jared up from the chair. "Just sleep. I promise."
Jared staggered his way to the stairs. Jensen put his arm around Jared’s waist and helped him upstairs. Jared led him down the hall to his bedroom and immediately collapsed on the bed near the wall. He reached into his back pocket and took his wallet out, opening it and pulling out some bills. "I know you won’t want to stay, so here’s some money so you can get a hotel room. It should be enough for two nights. If not, let me know and I’ll pay you back when we get," his voice broke, "home."
Jensen sat down on the bed, facing Jared. "Baby, I don’t want to go to a hotel. I want to stay here, with you. Please, let me." He blinked. "Let me take care of you."
Jared had begun to doze off. "Don’t…deserve…taking…care…of…"
"You’re so wrong, Jare. So wrong." Jensen lay down on the bed and pulled Jared close. "I don’t know anyone who deserves to be taken care of more than you," he whispered in Jared’s ear. He put one hand over Jared’s heart and the other around his waist, watching him sleep.
-----
Jared startled awake, panicked feeling someone’s arm around him. He jumped up off the bed and pressed himself against the far wall before looking who was there.
Jensen woke when he felt Jared move. "Hey, hey." Jensen stood and started to move over towards Jared.
"Stay away!"
Jensen froze where he was. "Jared. It’s just me. I’m not going to hurt you, you know that."
"Jensen?"
"Yeah, babe. I got here last night, remember?"
Jared pushed himself so his back was flush against the wall, which at the moment was holding him up. His head felt like there were daggers stabbing into it and his stomach was rolling faster than he could keep up with. "What are you doing here?" Jared said, just before sliding down to the floor, hoping to keep the nausea at bay.
"You don’t remember?" Jensen looked at him with concern, then saw the empty vodka bottle on Jared’s desk. "Did you really drink all of this last night?" Without meeting Jensen’s eyes, Jared nodded. "Do you remember me calling last night?"
Jared nodded and went to say something, then covered his mouth with his hand to keep himself from vomiting.
Jensen crouched down near Jared and rubbed his shoulders. "You need to go to the bathroom?" Jared nodded. Jensen helped him up off the floor and walked him next door. Jared moved gingerly, afraid of making things worse for himself. "Wanna take a shower?" Jensen offered. Jared’s eyes grew wide and he began to shake his head. It took Jensen a minute to catch on. "No, not with me. I mean, just you, take a shower. I can get towels and hang out in your room until you’re done." He stepped into the bathroom and turned the water in the shower on. "You going to be okay?"
"Yeah, I think so." As soon as he finished talking, Jared fell to his knees in front of the toilet and began to throw up. Jensen quickly shut the shower off, grabbed a washcloth from the sink, wet it and knelt down next to Jared, again rubbing his shoulders and running the cool cloth around his neck and face. Jared kept retching and all Jensen could do was stay by and comfort Jared as best he could. Finally, the dry heaves ended and Jared stopped shaking.
Jensen handed Jared his toothbrush and a glass of water. Once Jared had finished getting the taste out of his mouth, Jensen said, "C’mon, sparky. Let’s get you on a soft, comfortable surface." He walked Jared back into his bedroom and laid him down on the bed. Jensen climbed onto the bed next to him, wrapping one arm around Jared’s waist.
"I told you last night, didn’t I?"
Jensen decided to play dumb. "Told me what?"
"About…about when I was younger."
Jensen pulled him closer. "No, Jare, not really. You told me that it happened, but that was all, and I didn’t push." He kissed Jared’s forehead. "I don’t ever want to push. But when you’re ready, do you think you can tell me?"
Jared lay there silently for a few minutes. "I…I don’t know."
"Jare, please don’t shut me out. Whatever it is, I want to help you deal with it. I swear to you, I’m not going to leave you."
"Heh. Yeah. I’ve heard that before."
"From who?"
"Just…others."
"Sandy?"
Jared shook his head. "I never told Sandy. I didn’t think it was important. It didn’t impact us, not really at least."
"Why not?"
"I didn’t have to think about it with her. I didn’t forget, but I could think of other things instead."
"Jare," Jensen said as he kissed Jared’s forehead. "Talk to me. It sounds like it does impact us. I want to do whatever I need to do to make things better."
Jared’s voice dropped to just above a whisper. "I’m so ashamed."
"No reason to be ashamed, Jare. Whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault."
"The last time I told someone, it took them all of three days to decide that they couldn’t be with me anymore."
"Whoever they are, they’re an idiot."
"The person before that? Left me right after I told him."
"Charming." Jensen was a little surprised. He knew that Jared was bisexual, but didn’t realize that he knew that young. "You didn't have sex with either of them, did you?"
Jared shook his head. "They both talked about just sucking each other off, but I just…couldn't. They pushed, too. Never like Lucas, but it was pretty much why we broke up. The fact that I wouldn't."
"That’s not me, Jared. I don’t know how to convince you, but that’s not going to happen." He tipped Jared’s head up and gently kissed his lips. "I love you. I love you, all of you. It’s not going to change. I’m not suddenly going to fall out of love with you."
Jared lowered his head again and took a deep breath. "I was 14. Freshman in high school. I fell in love." Jared shrugged. "At least, that’s what I thought it was." Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared. "He was 19. One of my brother’s friends. He was at the house all the time, hanging out with Jeff. It wasn’t hard to miss me staring at him all the time. He asked me if I wanted to go grab a bite one day when Jeff was busy and I said ‘sure’. When he brought me home, he kissed me. I couldn’t have been happier."
"Was he your first boyfriend?"
Jared nodded. "Lucas knew that, too. I was worried, because he was so much older than me. I knew he wasn’t a virgin. He promised, though, that we’d never go faster than I wanted to. That he cared about me. And I believed him. Jeff tried to talk me out of seeing him, telling me he was too old for me, that he really didn’t think it was a good idea. But you know how it is when you think you are in love. Nothing, not even my older brother, was going to stand in the way of being with Lucas.
"Everything was going fine. We’d go out on the weekends, you know, normal stuff. He came and hung with my friends a few times and I went to a few parties with him and his friends.
"We were dating for about three months when we went to a party one of his friends threw. Jeff wasn’t there. So Lucas handed me a beer and grabbed a mixed drink for himself. I wasn’t a big drinker, so I was pretty buzzed after the second. I wasn’t paying attention to how much Lucas was drinking.
"Lucas grabbed me by the hand and pulled me into an empty bedroom. He started to kiss me, harder than normal. I pushed him away and headed to the door, but he grabbed me and pulled me back until I was on the bed and then he climbed on top of me."
After several moments of silence, Jensen rubbed Jared’s back. "What happened, Jare?" He kissed Jared’s forehead softly.
"I hadn’t hit my growth spurt yet, so I was only like 5’8" or so. He was bigger than me. He pinned me to the bed and I couldn’t move, no matter how I struggled. The more I moved, the harder Lucas fought. He got more and more excited, telling me how much this turned him on. Then I…" Jared began to shake. "I felt him, up against my thigh. I knew it. I knew what was going to happen. I begged him not to do it. Tried to remind him of what he said to me, that he said we’d never go faster than I wanted. But he answered me saying that he just couldn’t help himself anymore. That I had been teasing him and enough was enough."
"Oh, baby." Jensen stroked Jared’s hair.
"He…he ripped off my jeans and boxers, then took his own off. He took my hand and put it on him and made me stroke him, his hand over mine. He knelt between my legs and told me to relax, that it would be easier if I relaxed. I kept asking him to please not do this, that Jeff would come after him but he didn’t care." Jared began to choke up. "He put two fingers in me and began to suck me. I just lay there, hoping that maybe if I just stayed still, he’d not be as excited and he’d stop. He told me it was good that I had stopped fighting, that it would make things better. I just lay there, crying. He pushed my legs up and put them over his shoulders, then he…" Jensen could hear Jared crying. "I can’t. I can’t."
"It’s okay, Jared. Tell me. Let it out. Let the secret go."
"It…god, Jen…it hurt so much. I’ve never hurt that much in my life. No one heard me screaming because of all of the noise of the party. And he kept going, harder, faster, telling me how good I felt and he was so glad he was the first to be able to have me. He…finished, got dressed and left me there, bleeding all over some stranger’s sheets. After a while, I pulled myself together, got dressed and walked home. Almost didn’t make it - it was a good two miles from the party to my house. I just went upstairs, collapsed into my bed and cried. Two days later, he broke up with me. I wanted to die."
"Did you ever tell Jeff?"
Jared shook his head. "I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell anyone. Jeff would have killed him."
"Jeff would have been right in killing him."
"Not just for me."
"How do you know this didn’t happen to someone else? Someone like you, who didn’t deserve it?"
Jared lay on the bed quietly.
Jensen put his fingers under Jared’s chin and raised his head. Tears poured out of Jared’s eyes. "You didn’t deserve it, baby. You honestly didn’t."
"He was right. I teased him. I led him on."
"Jared, did you tell him no?"
Jared nodded.
"Then it’s his fault for not listening. Listen to me, Jared, carefully. It wasn’t your fault and you didn’t deserve it."
Jared curled in close to Jensen and sobbed. Jensen rocked him gently, letting him get all the grief and guilt out of his system. Once Jared started to pull himself together, Jensen stroked his hair. "C’mon babe. Get some sleep. I’m right here."
"I can’t."
"Why not?"
"He’s going to come here."
"Lucas?"
"He’s in town. He saw me."
"Did he say anything to you?"
"No. He just smiled at me."
"It'll be okay. He won't come here and if he does, I'll deal with him." Jensen grew silent for a minute. "Jared, why did you tell me no when I asked you to come to Dallas?"
"I was afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"That after seeing him, I wouldn’t be able to hold it together when I was with you. You weren’t supposed to know."
"You would have been safer in Dallas, though."
"I needed time to pull myself together. I couldn’t do that with you around."
Jensen closed his eyes, fighting back tears. "Jared, it’s okay. Nothing, nothing that you have told me tonight makes me love you any less. If anything, I love you even more."
"Don’t lie to me."
"Jared, what do I need to do to make you understand?"
"Just stay with me," Jared answered quietly. "Just don’t leave me alone. I’ll never make it without you, Jen."
"You won’t ever have to try." He took Jared’s hand into his own. "Sleep, now, baby. I’ll be right here, nowhere else I want to be."
Jared closed his eyes and soon, his breath was slow and even. Jensen pulled him a little closer. "God, Jared, what I’d do to get it through to you that I’m not going anywhere. I wish you trusted me."
Sleepily, Jared mumbled, "Don’t trust anyone."
"That’s going to change," Jensen whispered into his ear. "I promise."
-----
Jared’s eyes fluttered open a few hours later. He lay face to face with Jensen, who was gently stroking his cheek. "Hey," he said softly.
"Hey," Jensen answered. "How are you doing?"
Jared stretched his arms. "Okay, I think."
"I told you I’d be here."
"Thank you. You don’t know what this…you being here…means to me."
Jensen kissed Jared softly. He slowly deepened it, licking at Jared’s lips. Jared opened his mouth and let Jensen map out the familiar feel and taste, then pulled his mouth away. "Jared?"
"Yeah?"
"Let me show you what it’s like. Let me make love to you. Let me show you it doesn’t have to hurt, that it can feel good and that I love you."
Jared couldn’t look Jensen in the eye. "I," he began.
"Jared, look at me," Jensen commanded quietly. Jared raised his eyes and met Jensen’s. "Please trust me, baby. Let me make you my own, make you forget what happened."
Jared bit his bottom lip and then slowly nodded.
"Just lie back and enjoy, and if anything feels wrong or you want to stop for any reason at all, just tell me. I won’t be mad. I just want you to feel safe and loved, Jared. Okay?"
"Yeah, okay."
Jensen began kissing Jared again, deep, passionate kisses. After spending some time on Jared's mouth, Jensen began to kiss over Jared's jaw and down his neck. Jared turned his head so that Jensen could have better access to his throat. Jared's hand wound through Jensen's relatively short hair and he ran his fingers through it. Jensen slowly moved his way down Jared's body, licking, sucking and nipping. Jared's low moans pushed him onwards. He moved over Jared's abdomen, tonguing the definition of his abs and dipping lightly into Jared's navel. Jensen's tongue ran down through the trail of hair below his navel down to the nest of hair that surrounded Jared's cock. Jensen moved one hand down to gently roll Jared's balls through his hand as he began to suck on Jared, at first just licking the pre-come off the head and swirling his tongue around. His fingers ran up along the inside of Jared's thigh, making Jared shiver.
"I love you, " he whispered, as he looked up at Jared's face, his eyes closed in pleasure and then took Jared's cock fully into his mouth. He began to lick and suck as Jared's hands found Jensen's hair again. Jensen sucked Jared down into his throat, picking up the pace as he went along. Suddenly, he pulled his mouth off.
"What…," Jared said, panting, "happened? Why'd you stop?"
Jensen grinned up at him. "Couple of reasons. One, I forgot something. Two, I don't want you to come yet. I want you to come when I'm inside you."
"What did you forget?"
Jensen pulled a tube out of his bag and showed it to Jared. "Lube." Before Jared knew it, Jensen's mouth was back on his cock. Jensen poured a small amount of lube on his hand, covering his first three fingers. He began by simply running his lubricated finger around Jared's hole. Slowly, he slid the very tip of his finger inside. Jared immediately tensed up. "Relax, baby. Just my finger. Just starting to open you up a little." Jensen pushed his finger in a little further, up to the second knuckle. "That's it, Jare, that's right. Nice and slow, open up for me." The tip of his second finger joined his first finger and pressed in a little further. "Okay, Jare?"
"Just…just give me a minute."
Jensen rubbed small circles over Jared's abdomen, trying to soothe him. He felt Jared begin to relax and pushed his second finger in even more. As his fingers moved deeper, he sought out the small bundle of nerves he knew would make this feel incredible. When his fingers found it, he raked them over the bump. Jared arched his back and let out a yell. "Oh, fuck!"
"You like that?"
"Oh, god, Jen…yeah, that, yeah. Wow." As Jared continued to sing Jensen's praises about that spot, Jensen hit it again, arching Jared back up. "Don't stop, Jen, please, fuck, don't stop!"
Jensen smiled to himself. He pushed his third finger in, which joined in the quest for Jared's sweet spot. Jensen was worried Jared was going to shake himself right off the bed, but this was the reaction he sought from Jared. "Are you ready, baby?"
Jared nodded. "Show me, Jen. Want you. Want you inside me."
Jensen poured more lube into his hand and covered his cock with it. "Okay, baby, take a nice deep breath, don't hold it, just breathe." Jensen lined himself up to Jared. Jensen's hand went up to Jared's cheek. "Baby, do you think you could open your eyes? I want to see those gorgeous hazel eyes of yours, and for you to know that this is me, making love to you, that I'm not going to hurt you."
Jared opened his eyes and nodded. His gaze locked with Jensen's as he reached down to grab Jensen's free hand and tangle their fingers together.
Jensen moved their hands up next to Jared's head. "Hey," he said softly. "I love you, Jared." With that, he slowly pressed himself into Jared.
Jared tightened his grip on Jensen's hand as he felt Jensen slide all the way into him. "Oh, god! That's it?"
He kissed Jared. "Told you it didn't have to hurt." He locked eyes with Jared again. "Ready?"
Wordlessly, Jared nodded and Jensen began to slowly slide out and then push back in. He set a slow pace, allowing Jared to get used to him. Jared's free hand roamed down Jensen's back. He held Jensen close. "More, Jen."
"You sure?" Jared nodded. "Fuck, you feel so good, Jare. So perfect." He began to thrust faster, increasing the friction. One hand still held onto Jared's and the other began to stroke his cock in time with his thrusts.
"God, Jen…never knew…fuck, never knew it could be like this…," he gasped as his hips matched Jensen's thrust for thrust. "Love you, love you so much." He pulled Jensen's mouth down to his own, his tongue seeking out Jensen's. "Faster, Jen, please, god, make me come."
Jensen didn't waste any time in fulfilling Jared's request. His hips began to snap quickly into Jared as his hand moved faster. "Gonna, fuck, Jare, gonna come. Fuck, god, love you, Jare, love you!" With those words, Jensen felt Jared start to come, painting their stomachs and Jensen's hand. With his orgasm, Jared's muscles clenched tightly around Jensen, forcing his orgasm out of him, coming deep inside Jared. He worked Jared through the aftershocks, then gently pulled out and collapsed next to Jared.
As Jared began to come down, Jensen licked Jared's stomach clean then leaned up and kissed Jared deeply. He pulled Jared into a tight hug. "Mine," Jensen whispered fiercely.
"Yours, Jen. From now on, always yours." He kissed Jensen. "That was…incredible. Nothing like I expected it to be. I mean, you know, it's not like I've never had sex before, but something about it just…,"
"I know. Jare. I feel it too."
They lay there quietly for a while, kissing softly and mumbling sweet nothings into each other's ears. Jensen held onto to Jared and with that, Jared knew that he would never belong to anyone else again.
Author: lissa-ann
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles, RPS
Prompter: evileve18
Kink: sexual abuse (past), confession, intimacy, rape recovery, insecurity
Prompt: Jared was raped when he was younger; he confesses his secret to Jensen; Jensen gives him all the love he can and helps him come to terms with his trauma.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: RPS, talk of non-graphic past non-con, slash, graphic m/m sex, drunk!Jared, supportive!Jensen
Beta: The wonderful caruso looked this over and helped me with my wordiness, my tenses and to clean up the story. I played with it after she looked at it, so any remaining mistakes are my own.
A/N: Sorry this is late. It wrote itself in my head, but resisted being typed out. Hope this is in the ballpark for you, evileve18. Originally written for rounds-of-kink.
Disclaimer: I don't own Jared or Jensen, don't know them, and certainly don't know anything about their pasts or sexual orientations. If this story mirrors reality, it is strictly a coincidence. No money made.
Things turned weird just before the Christmas hiatus during season three.
Jared and Jensen had finally been exploring their feelings for each other, which were deeper than either of them had realized. Once Jensen had moved into Jared’s house, the attraction between the two was undeniable. It wasn’t long before they were sharing a bed, starting to learn each other from the inside out.
Jared was oddly skittish, though. Jensen had never seen him like this. He used to be all over Sandy, hell, he’d been all over Jensen, too. But when things go too heated, Jared would back off. He never gave Jensen an explanation and Jensen didn’t want to push. He’d take Jared any way he could get him. Just being close to Jared, to continue to be in his sphere of love and protectiveness and to be able to touch without having to think was a start. They’d get there, eventually, Jensen was sure. Jared was the most important thing in Jensen’s life, what made him whole and Jensen would make sure that Jared always knew that.
-----
Despite admitting their feelings, they were not ready yet to tell their families about their relationship, so they separated for the holidays. Jared flew into San Antonio and Jensen to Dallas.
They kept in touch while they were apart, calling each other every night and texting during the day. The texts were just silly little messages to bring smiles to each other’s faces with an occasional ‘ilu’.
Jensen had invited Jared to Dallas for New Year’s, but Jared declined. Jensen had told him how he was inviting all of his old friends over and even though Jared missed Jensen, he really didn’t want to stand around at a party where he didn’t know anyone. Sure, usually it wasn’t a problem for him to be social, but with what was going on right now, he felt like he wasn’t going to be able to hold it together. Jensen asked Jared over and over again, but Jared kept answering no.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, really. Have fun with your friends and we’ll do a late New Year’s party when we get back to Vancouver."
"Dude, I would really love it if we could spend our first New Year’s as a couple together."
Jared paused, not knowing quite what to say. "Jen, you’re barely able to see your friends as it is. Spend time with them. It’s okay."
"I love you, Jared."
"I know," Jared answered softly. "I gotta go. Mom and Dad want me downstairs with the family. Talk to you later," and with that, he hung up the phone.
Jensen didn’t know what was going on. This wasn’t the Jared he knew. Something was wrong, but it didn’t seem like Jared was going to share anything. Maybe because Jared was home he didn’t want to talk about it. Jensen tried to shake it off and get ready for the party.
-----
Just after the new year started, Jensen called Jared. "Hey, happy New Year."
"Right back at you."
Jared heard the background grow quiet behind Jensen, which must have meant he was moving into another room. "I miss you. I wanted to kiss you so badly at midnight." Jared didn’t answer. "Hey, you still there?"
"Yeah," he said softly. "Still here."
"Babe, tell me what’s wrong."
"You’ve never called me that before." Jensen could begin to hear Jared slurring his words.
"Are you drinking?"
Jared looked at the bottle of vodka in his hands, which was almost gone. "A little," Jared lied.
"Who’s there with you?"
Jared didn’t answer.
"Jared, are you there alone?"
"Yeah. So what?"
"C’mon, Jare. What’s going on?"
"You know I love you, right?"
"Of course I do, Jare."
"So many other people…so many deserve you…more than me…more important…," Jared slurred. "People who'll…who'll take you away…not such goofs…take my place. Know that."
"Jare, stop. This is the alcohol talking. There is no one more important to me than you. No one’s going to take me away from you. And I love you just as you are." Jensen paused. "Jared, why are you saying this?"
"Need you to know…know that I…this isn’t forever. Know others deserve you…," Jared continued, "more than I do. I understand, I do. I do."
Jensen was getting upset at Jared talking like this. "Jared, come on. No one deserves me more than you. You’re my best friend. You know me better than anyone else in the world, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. You mean everything to me, Jare. I want this. I want you. I want forever, if you’ll give it to me."
"You don’t know." Jensen could hear tears beginning to clog Jared’s voice. "No idea what…getting yourself into. What you need to run from."
"Then tell me, Jared, please. I want to know. I want to help."
Jared’s began to gasp between his sobs. "No…hate me. Never…never want to be. With me. Again."
"Jared, there’s nothing that could make me not want to be with you. Please, babe, please tell me."
Jared sat in silence for a few minutes and Jensen began to panic. "I…I can’t. I need to go." Jared ended the call and shut his phone off. He finished the rest of the vodka and lay down on his bed, wondering how he’d fucked things up so badly. He was going to lose Jensen forever, no matter what Jensen said.
Frustrated, Jensen called Jared’s phone, only to get his voicemail immediately. He knew Jared had turned his phone off. If he had been worried during the phone call, now he was climbing the walls. He talked all of his friends into leaving shortly after the phone call ended and hopped into his rental car. He needed to see Jared, even if it would be at 5 in the morning. Not for the first time, Jared had scared the life out of Jensen and Jensen couldn’t let it go.
----
Jensen banged on the door of Jared’s house. There were no cars in the driveway, so Jensen figured that Jared was alone at home and most likely upstairs where he wouldn’t be able to hear someone at the door. Jensen grabbed a handful of small stones from the garden, moved around to see Jared’s window and began to toss the pebbles up to hit his window gently to get his attention.
Jensen must have thrown at least 15 pebbles before he saw Jared standing at the window, looking confused. He opened the window and looked down. "Jen?"
"Yeah, Jare. Come let me in."
Jared shook his head. "No."
"Jared, c’mon. I just drove four hours here to see you. I’m worried about you, man. Why’d you shut your phone off?"
"I can’t…Jensen, you can’t ever know. You’ll never look at me the same way. I don’t want to lose you. I understand if I lose you as a boyfriend, but I don’t want to lose you as a friend."
"Jared, open the door so we can talk about this." Jared just stood there. "Jared, please. You’re scaring me. Please come down and see me."
Jared hesitated, then nodded. He closed the window and Jensen moved back to the front door. Jared opened the door and Jensen pulled him into a tight hug. He could smell the vodka on Jared’s breath. "I love you, Jared. Nothing, nothing is going to change that. I don’t care what it is."
Jared led Jensen into the living room. He sat down in the armchair, giving Jensen no chance to sit near and comfort him. An uncomfortable silence, unusual for the two of them, fell.
Jensen moved and knelt in front of Jared and tried to meet Jared’s eyes. He put his hand on Jared’s cheek as he told him, "There’s nothing so bad that you can’t tell me, Jared. You know I won’t judge you." He reached to grab Jared’s hand. "Please. Trust me. You’ve trusted me with so much so far. I’m not going anywhere."
Jared’s quiet sobs tore Jensen apart. He didn’t know how else to comfort Jared and didn’t know what else to say to let him know that no matter what Jared had to say, it wouldn’t change anything. His hand moved from Jared’s cheek up into his hair, stroking it softly.
"When I was 14," Jared whispered, Jensen straining to hear what he was saying, "I was…" He shook his head.
Matching Jared’s volume, Jensen encouraged him to continue. "What, babe?" He paused. "Did…did someone hurt you?"
Jared nodded once.
"What happened?"
"I was…forced…" Jared stuttered quietly.
"Forced? You mean…raped?" All’s Jared could do was lean forward and bury his face in Jensen’s neck. Jensen’s arms came up around Jared and rubbed his back gently. Jensen could feel Jared’s hot tears on his skin and he kissed Jared’s temple. "Shhh, Jared. It’s okay. I love you. It’s okay. I’m here. Not going anywhere." He rocked Jared, continuing to talk to him soothingly, murmuring soft reassurances. Once Jared had quieted his sobs to sniffling and hiccups, Jensen suggested that they head up to Jared’s room so that he could get some rest.
"No!" Jared shouted.
"Jare, c’mon. You’re drunk and exhausted. Please. Let’s get some sleep."
Jared started to shake at the thought.
"We can stay dressed and if you can’t sleep, at least rest your eyes. You’re probably going to have a hangover later this morning." Jensen rooted around in his toiletries bag and found his bottle of Advil. "Here. This will help." He found his way to the kitchen, grabbed a glass and filled it with water.
Jared took the water and the offered pills. He took several gulps of the water. "Just sleep?"
Jensen pulled Jared up from the chair. "Just sleep. I promise."
Jared staggered his way to the stairs. Jensen put his arm around Jared’s waist and helped him upstairs. Jared led him down the hall to his bedroom and immediately collapsed on the bed near the wall. He reached into his back pocket and took his wallet out, opening it and pulling out some bills. "I know you won’t want to stay, so here’s some money so you can get a hotel room. It should be enough for two nights. If not, let me know and I’ll pay you back when we get," his voice broke, "home."
Jensen sat down on the bed, facing Jared. "Baby, I don’t want to go to a hotel. I want to stay here, with you. Please, let me." He blinked. "Let me take care of you."
Jared had begun to doze off. "Don’t…deserve…taking…care…of…"
"You’re so wrong, Jare. So wrong." Jensen lay down on the bed and pulled Jared close. "I don’t know anyone who deserves to be taken care of more than you," he whispered in Jared’s ear. He put one hand over Jared’s heart and the other around his waist, watching him sleep.
-----
Jared startled awake, panicked feeling someone’s arm around him. He jumped up off the bed and pressed himself against the far wall before looking who was there.
Jensen woke when he felt Jared move. "Hey, hey." Jensen stood and started to move over towards Jared.
"Stay away!"
Jensen froze where he was. "Jared. It’s just me. I’m not going to hurt you, you know that."
"Jensen?"
"Yeah, babe. I got here last night, remember?"
Jared pushed himself so his back was flush against the wall, which at the moment was holding him up. His head felt like there were daggers stabbing into it and his stomach was rolling faster than he could keep up with. "What are you doing here?" Jared said, just before sliding down to the floor, hoping to keep the nausea at bay.
"You don’t remember?" Jensen looked at him with concern, then saw the empty vodka bottle on Jared’s desk. "Did you really drink all of this last night?" Without meeting Jensen’s eyes, Jared nodded. "Do you remember me calling last night?"
Jared nodded and went to say something, then covered his mouth with his hand to keep himself from vomiting.
Jensen crouched down near Jared and rubbed his shoulders. "You need to go to the bathroom?" Jared nodded. Jensen helped him up off the floor and walked him next door. Jared moved gingerly, afraid of making things worse for himself. "Wanna take a shower?" Jensen offered. Jared’s eyes grew wide and he began to shake his head. It took Jensen a minute to catch on. "No, not with me. I mean, just you, take a shower. I can get towels and hang out in your room until you’re done." He stepped into the bathroom and turned the water in the shower on. "You going to be okay?"
"Yeah, I think so." As soon as he finished talking, Jared fell to his knees in front of the toilet and began to throw up. Jensen quickly shut the shower off, grabbed a washcloth from the sink, wet it and knelt down next to Jared, again rubbing his shoulders and running the cool cloth around his neck and face. Jared kept retching and all Jensen could do was stay by and comfort Jared as best he could. Finally, the dry heaves ended and Jared stopped shaking.
Jensen handed Jared his toothbrush and a glass of water. Once Jared had finished getting the taste out of his mouth, Jensen said, "C’mon, sparky. Let’s get you on a soft, comfortable surface." He walked Jared back into his bedroom and laid him down on the bed. Jensen climbed onto the bed next to him, wrapping one arm around Jared’s waist.
"I told you last night, didn’t I?"
Jensen decided to play dumb. "Told me what?"
"About…about when I was younger."
Jensen pulled him closer. "No, Jare, not really. You told me that it happened, but that was all, and I didn’t push." He kissed Jared’s forehead. "I don’t ever want to push. But when you’re ready, do you think you can tell me?"
Jared lay there silently for a few minutes. "I…I don’t know."
"Jare, please don’t shut me out. Whatever it is, I want to help you deal with it. I swear to you, I’m not going to leave you."
"Heh. Yeah. I’ve heard that before."
"From who?"
"Just…others."
"Sandy?"
Jared shook his head. "I never told Sandy. I didn’t think it was important. It didn’t impact us, not really at least."
"Why not?"
"I didn’t have to think about it with her. I didn’t forget, but I could think of other things instead."
"Jare," Jensen said as he kissed Jared’s forehead. "Talk to me. It sounds like it does impact us. I want to do whatever I need to do to make things better."
Jared’s voice dropped to just above a whisper. "I’m so ashamed."
"No reason to be ashamed, Jare. Whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault."
"The last time I told someone, it took them all of three days to decide that they couldn’t be with me anymore."
"Whoever they are, they’re an idiot."
"The person before that? Left me right after I told him."
"Charming." Jensen was a little surprised. He knew that Jared was bisexual, but didn’t realize that he knew that young. "You didn't have sex with either of them, did you?"
Jared shook his head. "They both talked about just sucking each other off, but I just…couldn't. They pushed, too. Never like Lucas, but it was pretty much why we broke up. The fact that I wouldn't."
"That’s not me, Jared. I don’t know how to convince you, but that’s not going to happen." He tipped Jared’s head up and gently kissed his lips. "I love you. I love you, all of you. It’s not going to change. I’m not suddenly going to fall out of love with you."
Jared lowered his head again and took a deep breath. "I was 14. Freshman in high school. I fell in love." Jared shrugged. "At least, that’s what I thought it was." Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared. "He was 19. One of my brother’s friends. He was at the house all the time, hanging out with Jeff. It wasn’t hard to miss me staring at him all the time. He asked me if I wanted to go grab a bite one day when Jeff was busy and I said ‘sure’. When he brought me home, he kissed me. I couldn’t have been happier."
"Was he your first boyfriend?"
Jared nodded. "Lucas knew that, too. I was worried, because he was so much older than me. I knew he wasn’t a virgin. He promised, though, that we’d never go faster than I wanted to. That he cared about me. And I believed him. Jeff tried to talk me out of seeing him, telling me he was too old for me, that he really didn’t think it was a good idea. But you know how it is when you think you are in love. Nothing, not even my older brother, was going to stand in the way of being with Lucas.
"Everything was going fine. We’d go out on the weekends, you know, normal stuff. He came and hung with my friends a few times and I went to a few parties with him and his friends.
"We were dating for about three months when we went to a party one of his friends threw. Jeff wasn’t there. So Lucas handed me a beer and grabbed a mixed drink for himself. I wasn’t a big drinker, so I was pretty buzzed after the second. I wasn’t paying attention to how much Lucas was drinking.
"Lucas grabbed me by the hand and pulled me into an empty bedroom. He started to kiss me, harder than normal. I pushed him away and headed to the door, but he grabbed me and pulled me back until I was on the bed and then he climbed on top of me."
After several moments of silence, Jensen rubbed Jared’s back. "What happened, Jare?" He kissed Jared’s forehead softly.
"I hadn’t hit my growth spurt yet, so I was only like 5’8" or so. He was bigger than me. He pinned me to the bed and I couldn’t move, no matter how I struggled. The more I moved, the harder Lucas fought. He got more and more excited, telling me how much this turned him on. Then I…" Jared began to shake. "I felt him, up against my thigh. I knew it. I knew what was going to happen. I begged him not to do it. Tried to remind him of what he said to me, that he said we’d never go faster than I wanted. But he answered me saying that he just couldn’t help himself anymore. That I had been teasing him and enough was enough."
"Oh, baby." Jensen stroked Jared’s hair.
"He…he ripped off my jeans and boxers, then took his own off. He took my hand and put it on him and made me stroke him, his hand over mine. He knelt between my legs and told me to relax, that it would be easier if I relaxed. I kept asking him to please not do this, that Jeff would come after him but he didn’t care." Jared began to choke up. "He put two fingers in me and began to suck me. I just lay there, hoping that maybe if I just stayed still, he’d not be as excited and he’d stop. He told me it was good that I had stopped fighting, that it would make things better. I just lay there, crying. He pushed my legs up and put them over his shoulders, then he…" Jensen could hear Jared crying. "I can’t. I can’t."
"It’s okay, Jared. Tell me. Let it out. Let the secret go."
"It…god, Jen…it hurt so much. I’ve never hurt that much in my life. No one heard me screaming because of all of the noise of the party. And he kept going, harder, faster, telling me how good I felt and he was so glad he was the first to be able to have me. He…finished, got dressed and left me there, bleeding all over some stranger’s sheets. After a while, I pulled myself together, got dressed and walked home. Almost didn’t make it - it was a good two miles from the party to my house. I just went upstairs, collapsed into my bed and cried. Two days later, he broke up with me. I wanted to die."
"Did you ever tell Jeff?"
Jared shook his head. "I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell anyone. Jeff would have killed him."
"Jeff would have been right in killing him."
"Not just for me."
"How do you know this didn’t happen to someone else? Someone like you, who didn’t deserve it?"
Jared lay on the bed quietly.
Jensen put his fingers under Jared’s chin and raised his head. Tears poured out of Jared’s eyes. "You didn’t deserve it, baby. You honestly didn’t."
"He was right. I teased him. I led him on."
"Jared, did you tell him no?"
Jared nodded.
"Then it’s his fault for not listening. Listen to me, Jared, carefully. It wasn’t your fault and you didn’t deserve it."
Jared curled in close to Jensen and sobbed. Jensen rocked him gently, letting him get all the grief and guilt out of his system. Once Jared started to pull himself together, Jensen stroked his hair. "C’mon babe. Get some sleep. I’m right here."
"I can’t."
"Why not?"
"He’s going to come here."
"Lucas?"
"He’s in town. He saw me."
"Did he say anything to you?"
"No. He just smiled at me."
"It'll be okay. He won't come here and if he does, I'll deal with him." Jensen grew silent for a minute. "Jared, why did you tell me no when I asked you to come to Dallas?"
"I was afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"That after seeing him, I wouldn’t be able to hold it together when I was with you. You weren’t supposed to know."
"You would have been safer in Dallas, though."
"I needed time to pull myself together. I couldn’t do that with you around."
Jensen closed his eyes, fighting back tears. "Jared, it’s okay. Nothing, nothing that you have told me tonight makes me love you any less. If anything, I love you even more."
"Don’t lie to me."
"Jared, what do I need to do to make you understand?"
"Just stay with me," Jared answered quietly. "Just don’t leave me alone. I’ll never make it without you, Jen."
"You won’t ever have to try." He took Jared’s hand into his own. "Sleep, now, baby. I’ll be right here, nowhere else I want to be."
Jared closed his eyes and soon, his breath was slow and even. Jensen pulled him a little closer. "God, Jared, what I’d do to get it through to you that I’m not going anywhere. I wish you trusted me."
Sleepily, Jared mumbled, "Don’t trust anyone."
"That’s going to change," Jensen whispered into his ear. "I promise."
-----
Jared’s eyes fluttered open a few hours later. He lay face to face with Jensen, who was gently stroking his cheek. "Hey," he said softly.
"Hey," Jensen answered. "How are you doing?"
Jared stretched his arms. "Okay, I think."
"I told you I’d be here."
"Thank you. You don’t know what this…you being here…means to me."
Jensen kissed Jared softly. He slowly deepened it, licking at Jared’s lips. Jared opened his mouth and let Jensen map out the familiar feel and taste, then pulled his mouth away. "Jared?"
"Yeah?"
"Let me show you what it’s like. Let me make love to you. Let me show you it doesn’t have to hurt, that it can feel good and that I love you."
Jared couldn’t look Jensen in the eye. "I," he began.
"Jared, look at me," Jensen commanded quietly. Jared raised his eyes and met Jensen’s. "Please trust me, baby. Let me make you my own, make you forget what happened."
Jared bit his bottom lip and then slowly nodded.
"Just lie back and enjoy, and if anything feels wrong or you want to stop for any reason at all, just tell me. I won’t be mad. I just want you to feel safe and loved, Jared. Okay?"
"Yeah, okay."
Jensen began kissing Jared again, deep, passionate kisses. After spending some time on Jared's mouth, Jensen began to kiss over Jared's jaw and down his neck. Jared turned his head so that Jensen could have better access to his throat. Jared's hand wound through Jensen's relatively short hair and he ran his fingers through it. Jensen slowly moved his way down Jared's body, licking, sucking and nipping. Jared's low moans pushed him onwards. He moved over Jared's abdomen, tonguing the definition of his abs and dipping lightly into Jared's navel. Jensen's tongue ran down through the trail of hair below his navel down to the nest of hair that surrounded Jared's cock. Jensen moved one hand down to gently roll Jared's balls through his hand as he began to suck on Jared, at first just licking the pre-come off the head and swirling his tongue around. His fingers ran up along the inside of Jared's thigh, making Jared shiver.
"I love you, " he whispered, as he looked up at Jared's face, his eyes closed in pleasure and then took Jared's cock fully into his mouth. He began to lick and suck as Jared's hands found Jensen's hair again. Jensen sucked Jared down into his throat, picking up the pace as he went along. Suddenly, he pulled his mouth off.
"What…," Jared said, panting, "happened? Why'd you stop?"
Jensen grinned up at him. "Couple of reasons. One, I forgot something. Two, I don't want you to come yet. I want you to come when I'm inside you."
"What did you forget?"
Jensen pulled a tube out of his bag and showed it to Jared. "Lube." Before Jared knew it, Jensen's mouth was back on his cock. Jensen poured a small amount of lube on his hand, covering his first three fingers. He began by simply running his lubricated finger around Jared's hole. Slowly, he slid the very tip of his finger inside. Jared immediately tensed up. "Relax, baby. Just my finger. Just starting to open you up a little." Jensen pushed his finger in a little further, up to the second knuckle. "That's it, Jare, that's right. Nice and slow, open up for me." The tip of his second finger joined his first finger and pressed in a little further. "Okay, Jare?"
"Just…just give me a minute."
Jensen rubbed small circles over Jared's abdomen, trying to soothe him. He felt Jared begin to relax and pushed his second finger in even more. As his fingers moved deeper, he sought out the small bundle of nerves he knew would make this feel incredible. When his fingers found it, he raked them over the bump. Jared arched his back and let out a yell. "Oh, fuck!"
"You like that?"
"Oh, god, Jen…yeah, that, yeah. Wow." As Jared continued to sing Jensen's praises about that spot, Jensen hit it again, arching Jared back up. "Don't stop, Jen, please, fuck, don't stop!"
Jensen smiled to himself. He pushed his third finger in, which joined in the quest for Jared's sweet spot. Jensen was worried Jared was going to shake himself right off the bed, but this was the reaction he sought from Jared. "Are you ready, baby?"
Jared nodded. "Show me, Jen. Want you. Want you inside me."
Jensen poured more lube into his hand and covered his cock with it. "Okay, baby, take a nice deep breath, don't hold it, just breathe." Jensen lined himself up to Jared. Jensen's hand went up to Jared's cheek. "Baby, do you think you could open your eyes? I want to see those gorgeous hazel eyes of yours, and for you to know that this is me, making love to you, that I'm not going to hurt you."
Jared opened his eyes and nodded. His gaze locked with Jensen's as he reached down to grab Jensen's free hand and tangle their fingers together.
Jensen moved their hands up next to Jared's head. "Hey," he said softly. "I love you, Jared." With that, he slowly pressed himself into Jared.
Jared tightened his grip on Jensen's hand as he felt Jensen slide all the way into him. "Oh, god! That's it?"
He kissed Jared. "Told you it didn't have to hurt." He locked eyes with Jared again. "Ready?"
Wordlessly, Jared nodded and Jensen began to slowly slide out and then push back in. He set a slow pace, allowing Jared to get used to him. Jared's free hand roamed down Jensen's back. He held Jensen close. "More, Jen."
"You sure?" Jared nodded. "Fuck, you feel so good, Jare. So perfect." He began to thrust faster, increasing the friction. One hand still held onto Jared's and the other began to stroke his cock in time with his thrusts.
"God, Jen…never knew…fuck, never knew it could be like this…," he gasped as his hips matched Jensen's thrust for thrust. "Love you, love you so much." He pulled Jensen's mouth down to his own, his tongue seeking out Jensen's. "Faster, Jen, please, god, make me come."
Jensen didn't waste any time in fulfilling Jared's request. His hips began to snap quickly into Jared as his hand moved faster. "Gonna, fuck, Jare, gonna come. Fuck, god, love you, Jare, love you!" With those words, Jensen felt Jared start to come, painting their stomachs and Jensen's hand. With his orgasm, Jared's muscles clenched tightly around Jensen, forcing his orgasm out of him, coming deep inside Jared. He worked Jared through the aftershocks, then gently pulled out and collapsed next to Jared.
As Jared began to come down, Jensen licked Jared's stomach clean then leaned up and kissed Jared deeply. He pulled Jared into a tight hug. "Mine," Jensen whispered fiercely.
"Yours, Jen. From now on, always yours." He kissed Jensen. "That was…incredible. Nothing like I expected it to be. I mean, you know, it's not like I've never had sex before, but something about it just…,"
"I know. Jare. I feel it too."
They lay there quietly for a while, kissing softly and mumbling sweet nothings into each other's ears. Jensen held onto to Jared and with that, Jared knew that he would never belong to anyone else again.