The Courtship of Princess Leia Read-Through, Chapter Fourteen
Why read-through?
Chapter One
Chapter Thirteen
Chapters 1-9: Abridged
This New Year, I resolve to be more timely about these.
Wait, didn't I say that last year? Um. Okay, this year I really mean it.
So, funny thing about this chapter. I... like most of it. In fact, I'd almost go so far as to say it's good. I know. Shocking. It has its blech moments, but overall, I really do think it's good. It even has some neat world-building and a nice balance of serious and comic (yet believable) moments. It makes me want to read the book that should go with it.
- Luke and Isolder walk down a swampy path very much like Dagobah, lizards included. It's a lovely atmospheric paragraph.
- Luke thinks he knows what Isolder's thinking. After all, just a few years ago he went off with Ben Kenobi on a crazy Jedi mission, and obviously any young man would have exactly the same reactions as Luke.
- He also ponders the irony of spending months looking for Jedi records or talented students to teach, only to have Isolder seek him out. Uh, Luke? I don't recall Isolder asking for Jedi training. In fact, I seem to remember something about revenge and dragging Leia back by her hair.
- But never mind. There is actually some good speculation coming out of this: Luke wonders whether there ever was a Jedi Academy after all - maybe instead students and teachers found each other when the Force called them. Not only is this a realistic thing for information-less Luke to guess, but it also covers Dave for the lack of prequels to fill him in without seeming artificial and - if I remember correctly - nicely echoes Jacen's new teen philosophy in NJO. Or rather, Jacen echoes Luke. Maybe it's a common phase for young Jedi: they get high on the awesomeness of the Force, and it takes a while to get grounded again.
- On the other hand, Luke is also going, "Yay, I can teach Isolder but not have the pressure of worrying if it goes wrong, because he's too weak to be a Vader!" I'm sure Isolder would appreciate knowing that he's a practice run.
- On the other other hand - it's Star Wars, I can have three - Luke suddenly wonders if he was wrong about Ben watching him until just the right moment, like a farmer watching over his field of grain. Maybe him showing up on Ben's doorstep with Artoo and the stolen plans was a total surprise instead. I love it when characters reevaluate past events and their elders' motivations. And never mind about Tatooine farmers harvesting moisture, not grain.
- Hmm. Now Luke is wondering if Jedi can only really train by fighting against darkness. I don't know about that. Jedi could do plenty of perfectly good and useful things in a peaceful era, I would think. But maybe in war-times it's true. Anyway, Luke thinks Dathomir would make a good academy in that case due to all the yawning pits of darkness in the Force there.
- Ooh! Shiny! Er, rusty. But still. They reach a tar pit and see some leather-winged avians settle on the remains of a huge space ship sunk into the tar as the rising sun turns it all golden.
- And Luke spots the name of the ship: Chu'unthor. Feel that lovely tingle of mysterious impending plot points.
- "We've got to get out there, Luke said, his voice husky with excitement. "What for?" Isolder asked. "It's just an old wreck." Oh, come on. A huge, centuries-old ship that excites a Jedi, and you're not even curious? Isolder, you lack imagination.
- Luke agrees with me when they find footprints on the bank: "who could pass up the chance to look at a really neat wreck?" But Isolder could. They came here to rescue Leia, and goshdarnit, he has a one-track mind!
- Ahaha! Artoo adds that every time the droid gets near water, there's a monster in it. (Luckily, he doesn't taste very good.) Artoo gets onto the shaky little raft with Luke anyway, just to show up Isolder. You go, Artoo.
- Ooh, the mystery deepens. The ship - which did I mention is huge? like two kilometers long? - shows no battle damage. So why did it land in the tar pit? The doors are welded shut, and there are marks indicating someone tried to break into it over a period of years.
- Besides eating and athletic sections, Luke can see... lightsaber components. It's a Jedi academy ship! He concludes that there wasn't a planet-based one too - the Jedi were mobile, traveling around looking for candidates. I have to say, this makes a lot of sense. Can we fanwank an explanation that the Jedi started as a spacefaring order and only gradually transferred their main base of operations to Coruscant? Maybe as they became more tied to the Republic government? I would so read stories set on the Chu'unthor.
- Luke is so preoccupied with trying to cut his way into the ship that he doesn't notice the redhead clad in stylish animal skins sneaking up on him. She kicks his ass. But then he uses the Force to call his lightsaber back, and she's all, "Whoa, a male witch! How is this possible? You must be a 'Jai' from the stars!"
- You just know that young Dathomir witches tell stories about those legendary male witches who can actually fight and do magic which involve one of the impossibly-powerful males landing and being the devoted love-slave of a witch. And now she can have one of her very own!
- Grandmother Rell said the Jai fight for life, so nature won't let them die. I'm reminded of little Anakin saying, "Nobody can kill a Jedi." Is Jedi immortality a popular belief, then?
- Teneniel Djo, daughter of Allya, Force-throws tons of rocks and logs at Luke, pins him, and informs him that he's now her slave. Luke is shocked by the lust in her eyes. Because it's been a while since he's been on a date, I suppose - I mean, how much more lustful than an ordinarily lustful woman could she look? But I do agree with him that taking sex slaves is not cool.
- Meanwhile, Han and co. walk up an ice-slick cliff stairway. The cliffs are especially tall due to the low gravity. Chewie is in bad shape :(
- Cool details about what the women are wearing and their implied social status. Then the reach the hidden valley settlement. I am such a sucker for hidden valleys. Also, Dave has put some thought into these details: the women are wearing robes suitable for cold mountain weather, not leather bikinis! Interesting note: men, women, and children are all working in the fields together. Labor shortage, or is it just not a gendered activity here?
- The passing phalanx of warriors look cold, brutally impassive, like the faces of shell-shocked warriors. They're all armed with blaster rifles and/or various low-tech weaponry. The mountain has fortifications, and blast marks showing that they've been attacked. Ominous!
- The party deposits Han in a field where a bunch of men and children are staring into holes filled with booze, saying,"Whuffa!" And thus begins the great whuffa-wrangling episode :D
- Threepio thinks the local language is derived from ancient Paecian. Han knows that the Paecian empire was founded three thousand years ago. Ooh, lost civilization! Yay!
- Great, he thought. I've been captured by weirdos who want me to stare into a puddle until I have a vision. Then Han uses the puddle as a mirror and combs his hair. Hee! Also, the locals don't know what to do with Threepio. At least they show no inclination to worship him.
- TIE fighter overhead; locals worried. Han thinks that's a good sign.
- After an hour, Han is thirsty enough to wonder if he's allowed to drink some of the puddle-booze. He decides probably not.
- And the coolest world-building detail: a witch up in the cliffs uses the Force to summon a big blob of water from somewhere below. Getting water is one of the big problems with cliff-dwellings, and this is a nifty solution!
- A big worm/snake thing comes up to get sloshed in Han's puddle, and Han manfully wrangles it out of the ground (with help from the other men and children). This leads to the classic line, Great! Han realized. So I caught a rope. But since everyone else thinks it's cool, maybe being Han Solo, the heroic Whuffa Grabber, had just saved his life. And maybe off-world fashion designers and big pharma could use such a rope! Why, once Han thought about it, there was no telling what you could do with a whuffa! Harrison Ford would be hilarious in this scene.
- A witch summons Han up the mountain. Leia has successfully pled for his life, but the rest is up in the air. Time to pay for protection!
- Uh-oh. Nine scary women with blotchy purplish skin coming by. One tries to mind-trick Han into telling her where his ship is, then taps his crotch with her spear. Needless to say, he's upset. So she Force-cracks his hands a bit and threatens to crush his testicles next time he gets uppity.
- Han tells her to keep his filthy hands off him, and she explains to the good witch guard that she was only admiring the prisoner. After all, he looks so tasty from behind.
- No, I'm not making this up. Tasty Han is tasty!
- But this kind of casual sexual harassment does a lot to convince me that women really are the dominant sex on this planet.
- So the Singing Mountain Clan and the ugly women head into the fortress, where there's a bunch of weapons and some men basting tonight's dinner. Gender conventions look so silly from this perspective, don't they?
- Leia's already got on warrior-witch garb. When in Rome, I suppose. The Nightsisters claim the offworlders are their prisoners, since their Imperial slaves captured them, but the Singing Mountain witches say nuh-uh. Augwynne says hey, if the Nightsisters just wanted to interrogate Han, maybe that's okay. What's he doing on the planet?
- Han whips out his deed to the planet. The Nightsisters are pissed that a man dares to claim he owns the place. I mean, really. What is society coming to?
- Ah, the Singing Mountain Clan is claiming that since Han saved the life of adopted clan sister "Tandeer" (known to us as Leia), then he gets to stay with them as a free man. The Nightisters are even more pissed. It almost comes to blows, and Nightsisters flee out the window - not quite flying like a Snape-shaped bat, but just about. Cut down on the Force powers, Dave!
- And so Augwynne welcomes Han to Dathomir. Not quite the housewarming he'd hoped for.
Now that we've had fun, it' back to Headdesk City in Chapter Fifteen. But it's not as bad as other parts? And at least we get more neat Dathomir backstory.
Chapter One
Chapter Thirteen
Chapters 1-9: Abridged
This New Year, I resolve to be more timely about these.
Wait, didn't I say that last year? Um. Okay, this year I really mean it.
So, funny thing about this chapter. I... like most of it. In fact, I'd almost go so far as to say it's good. I know. Shocking. It has its blech moments, but overall, I really do think it's good. It even has some neat world-building and a nice balance of serious and comic (yet believable) moments. It makes me want to read the book that should go with it.
- Luke and Isolder walk down a swampy path very much like Dagobah, lizards included. It's a lovely atmospheric paragraph.
- Luke thinks he knows what Isolder's thinking. After all, just a few years ago he went off with Ben Kenobi on a crazy Jedi mission, and obviously any young man would have exactly the same reactions as Luke.
- He also ponders the irony of spending months looking for Jedi records or talented students to teach, only to have Isolder seek him out. Uh, Luke? I don't recall Isolder asking for Jedi training. In fact, I seem to remember something about revenge and dragging Leia back by her hair.
- But never mind. There is actually some good speculation coming out of this: Luke wonders whether there ever was a Jedi Academy after all - maybe instead students and teachers found each other when the Force called them. Not only is this a realistic thing for information-less Luke to guess, but it also covers Dave for the lack of prequels to fill him in without seeming artificial and - if I remember correctly - nicely echoes Jacen's new teen philosophy in NJO. Or rather, Jacen echoes Luke. Maybe it's a common phase for young Jedi: they get high on the awesomeness of the Force, and it takes a while to get grounded again.
- On the other hand, Luke is also going, "Yay, I can teach Isolder but not have the pressure of worrying if it goes wrong, because he's too weak to be a Vader!" I'm sure Isolder would appreciate knowing that he's a practice run.
- On the other other hand - it's Star Wars, I can have three - Luke suddenly wonders if he was wrong about Ben watching him until just the right moment, like a farmer watching over his field of grain. Maybe him showing up on Ben's doorstep with Artoo and the stolen plans was a total surprise instead. I love it when characters reevaluate past events and their elders' motivations. And never mind about Tatooine farmers harvesting moisture, not grain.
- Hmm. Now Luke is wondering if Jedi can only really train by fighting against darkness. I don't know about that. Jedi could do plenty of perfectly good and useful things in a peaceful era, I would think. But maybe in war-times it's true. Anyway, Luke thinks Dathomir would make a good academy in that case due to all the yawning pits of darkness in the Force there.
- Ooh! Shiny! Er, rusty. But still. They reach a tar pit and see some leather-winged avians settle on the remains of a huge space ship sunk into the tar as the rising sun turns it all golden.
- And Luke spots the name of the ship: Chu'unthor. Feel that lovely tingle of mysterious impending plot points.
- "We've got to get out there, Luke said, his voice husky with excitement. "What for?" Isolder asked. "It's just an old wreck." Oh, come on. A huge, centuries-old ship that excites a Jedi, and you're not even curious? Isolder, you lack imagination.
- Luke agrees with me when they find footprints on the bank: "who could pass up the chance to look at a really neat wreck?" But Isolder could. They came here to rescue Leia, and goshdarnit, he has a one-track mind!
- Ahaha! Artoo adds that every time the droid gets near water, there's a monster in it. (Luckily, he doesn't taste very good.) Artoo gets onto the shaky little raft with Luke anyway, just to show up Isolder. You go, Artoo.
- Ooh, the mystery deepens. The ship - which did I mention is huge? like two kilometers long? - shows no battle damage. So why did it land in the tar pit? The doors are welded shut, and there are marks indicating someone tried to break into it over a period of years.
- Besides eating and athletic sections, Luke can see... lightsaber components. It's a Jedi academy ship! He concludes that there wasn't a planet-based one too - the Jedi were mobile, traveling around looking for candidates. I have to say, this makes a lot of sense. Can we fanwank an explanation that the Jedi started as a spacefaring order and only gradually transferred their main base of operations to Coruscant? Maybe as they became more tied to the Republic government? I would so read stories set on the Chu'unthor.
- Luke is so preoccupied with trying to cut his way into the ship that he doesn't notice the redhead clad in stylish animal skins sneaking up on him. She kicks his ass. But then he uses the Force to call his lightsaber back, and she's all, "Whoa, a male witch! How is this possible? You must be a 'Jai' from the stars!"
- You just know that young Dathomir witches tell stories about those legendary male witches who can actually fight and do magic which involve one of the impossibly-powerful males landing and being the devoted love-slave of a witch. And now she can have one of her very own!
- Grandmother Rell said the Jai fight for life, so nature won't let them die. I'm reminded of little Anakin saying, "Nobody can kill a Jedi." Is Jedi immortality a popular belief, then?
- Teneniel Djo, daughter of Allya, Force-throws tons of rocks and logs at Luke, pins him, and informs him that he's now her slave. Luke is shocked by the lust in her eyes. Because it's been a while since he's been on a date, I suppose - I mean, how much more lustful than an ordinarily lustful woman could she look? But I do agree with him that taking sex slaves is not cool.
- Meanwhile, Han and co. walk up an ice-slick cliff stairway. The cliffs are especially tall due to the low gravity. Chewie is in bad shape :(
- Cool details about what the women are wearing and their implied social status. Then the reach the hidden valley settlement. I am such a sucker for hidden valleys. Also, Dave has put some thought into these details: the women are wearing robes suitable for cold mountain weather, not leather bikinis! Interesting note: men, women, and children are all working in the fields together. Labor shortage, or is it just not a gendered activity here?
- The passing phalanx of warriors look cold, brutally impassive, like the faces of shell-shocked warriors. They're all armed with blaster rifles and/or various low-tech weaponry. The mountain has fortifications, and blast marks showing that they've been attacked. Ominous!
- The party deposits Han in a field where a bunch of men and children are staring into holes filled with booze, saying,"Whuffa!" And thus begins the great whuffa-wrangling episode :D
- Threepio thinks the local language is derived from ancient Paecian. Han knows that the Paecian empire was founded three thousand years ago. Ooh, lost civilization! Yay!
- Great, he thought. I've been captured by weirdos who want me to stare into a puddle until I have a vision. Then Han uses the puddle as a mirror and combs his hair. Hee! Also, the locals don't know what to do with Threepio. At least they show no inclination to worship him.
- TIE fighter overhead; locals worried. Han thinks that's a good sign.
- After an hour, Han is thirsty enough to wonder if he's allowed to drink some of the puddle-booze. He decides probably not.
- And the coolest world-building detail: a witch up in the cliffs uses the Force to summon a big blob of water from somewhere below. Getting water is one of the big problems with cliff-dwellings, and this is a nifty solution!
- A big worm/snake thing comes up to get sloshed in Han's puddle, and Han manfully wrangles it out of the ground (with help from the other men and children). This leads to the classic line, Great! Han realized. So I caught a rope. But since everyone else thinks it's cool, maybe being Han Solo, the heroic Whuffa Grabber, had just saved his life. And maybe off-world fashion designers and big pharma could use such a rope! Why, once Han thought about it, there was no telling what you could do with a whuffa! Harrison Ford would be hilarious in this scene.
- A witch summons Han up the mountain. Leia has successfully pled for his life, but the rest is up in the air. Time to pay for protection!
- Uh-oh. Nine scary women with blotchy purplish skin coming by. One tries to mind-trick Han into telling her where his ship is, then taps his crotch with her spear. Needless to say, he's upset. So she Force-cracks his hands a bit and threatens to crush his testicles next time he gets uppity.
- Han tells her to keep his filthy hands off him, and she explains to the good witch guard that she was only admiring the prisoner. After all, he looks so tasty from behind.
- No, I'm not making this up. Tasty Han is tasty!
- But this kind of casual sexual harassment does a lot to convince me that women really are the dominant sex on this planet.
- So the Singing Mountain Clan and the ugly women head into the fortress, where there's a bunch of weapons and some men basting tonight's dinner. Gender conventions look so silly from this perspective, don't they?
- Leia's already got on warrior-witch garb. When in Rome, I suppose. The Nightsisters claim the offworlders are their prisoners, since their Imperial slaves captured them, but the Singing Mountain witches say nuh-uh. Augwynne says hey, if the Nightsisters just wanted to interrogate Han, maybe that's okay. What's he doing on the planet?
- Han whips out his deed to the planet. The Nightsisters are pissed that a man dares to claim he owns the place. I mean, really. What is society coming to?
- Ah, the Singing Mountain Clan is claiming that since Han saved the life of adopted clan sister "Tandeer" (known to us as Leia), then he gets to stay with them as a free man. The Nightisters are even more pissed. It almost comes to blows, and Nightsisters flee out the window - not quite flying like a Snape-shaped bat, but just about. Cut down on the Force powers, Dave!
- And so Augwynne welcomes Han to Dathomir. Not quite the housewarming he'd hoped for.
Now that we've had fun, it' back to Headdesk City in Chapter Fifteen. But it's not as bad as other parts? And at least we get more neat Dathomir backstory.